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Wednesday, March 23, 2011

How Do You Pick Up the Pieces?

How do you pick up the pieces of a shattered life?  Where do you begin? Where do you start?
At what point, will she feel settled?  At what point will we not have to say, "I have to get you one too, or I will need to order your book or here is where you will put your things; when they arrive......

It is heart wrenching to see a child, about to embark on becoming a lady, to be back at the starting gate all over again!  So many losses, so little to show for her first 11 years..... just a few boxes that have not arrived.

Hardly any pictures of her past. No pictures from Russia, except for a coveted dvd of her interview, which is now in a language she no longer understands.

Her understanding of English, though she can speak it well, is limited. I find myself needing to explain things and I have picked up on when she nods in agreement that she has NO IDEA what I am saying. :)
So I am getting used to asking her, "Do you understand what I said?"  Most of the time it is no, with a shy grin.....
We took the time yesterday a.m. to explain Daddy's joke to her... and when she finally got it, she laughed. :)

I moved a lot as a child.... but my moves consisted of my entire family moving from one place to another.....

Alli's moves have consisted of starting over with nothing but broken dreams and a few belongings; much of what she isn't really interested in keeping.  However, we WILL keep them..maybe storing them in the attic.
I seem to remember a little girl named Anna who didn't want ANYTHING she brought and wanted to give all her toys away to poor children, only to change her mind 3 weeks later when it was too late. :)
She talked forever about the dolly that she gave away that said, "Hand". LOL

I know better this time than give things away.

Last night, she said she didn't want any goats or any animals. She didn't want them because she just wanted to forget all the animals left behind.
We talked about how this will not be a solution..... to never have an animal again because you miss your old animal won't heal your heart. But mourning the loss you have, and then opening your heart to love another animal will help a great deal!

I think the same is very true for people. Many children will have been so hurt by former experiences with parents, foster parents, care givers etc. they will close their hearts to ever loving another person.
I am REALLY glad that Alli has not gone so far..... but that does not mean we don't have much work to do. We DO.... Her response to the animals is an indication to me as to how her mind is thinking.

I pray for this dear child that she can attach to a new dog. YEP, we are getting a dog!
Daddy will have the privilege of taking the girls to pick it out.  Alli needs more time spent with Daddy for bonding.  I had 2 weeks alone, daddy hasn't been able to have that time except for Sunday.....
Of course we have her whole life, but golly I just want her to feel settled.

But truly! Only the Lord enlightening us, bringing our hearts His peace and His Understanding, and trusting His ways will bring about total healing.

Just love all our little Noelles. :)

5 comments:

Diana said...

I think this is one of the most heartbreaking (and difficult) things about parenting kids from hard places. Even 4 years later, I still hear my kids saying stuff about how worthless they are and how they don't belong here and don't want a family and I'm the worst mom ever. I've long since moved past the point where I take this personally (although it does still bite to still be hearing it all the time.) I don't think my heart will never not break at the reminders of all my kids have been through. They are lightyears from where they once were, but they still struggle.

One of our most favorite healing tools has become the sand tray. Have you ever tried sand tray therapy? I love it so much (and so do my kids!!) that I've created my own setup at home. There's also now a label for it on my blog. The only thing that's changed since I wrote my first post explaining it is that I don't store the stuff in ziplock bags. It was too much of a barrier and too hard to find the pieces we wanted. I now keep it in several letter sized plastic drawers and small bins and store the whole getup on the shelves of the coat closet in my living room. It works MUCH better, especially as our collection of stuff has grown. Plus, it's right there convenient to where we use it and it's quick to set up, clean up, and then put away. We've found it to be such a powerful healing tool for those times when words fail to express what one really wants (and needs) to say.

:)De said...

I read once that there are more stories told of Jesus as a healer than any other type of story. Jehovah - Rapha, the Lord who heals can pick up all the broken pieces and replace that which we have lost. We pray that God will fill Alli with His love and Light and that you will be renewed daily to be His hands and arms that rock her in His love.

Jane said...

children are a gift from god,a most precious gift!Blessings jane

Happymom4 aka Hope Anne said...

Thank you for sharing . . . it feels supportive when I have a day with my girlie who has been home for over 5 years where there are tears and emotions she can't seem to explain no matter how gently I inquire . . . she has little memory of her first 5.5 years before we came into her life, and so I think sometimes events trigger "body memories" which cause the emotions--tears in this case--but she has no words to tell us what is going on it seems. So we muddle along . . . trying to guess and trying to talk through it . . . I worry sometimes for her and worry what her life will be like as an adult.

Mike and Christie said...

Hope Anne,
The best thing we can do is hope for the future in Christ. He is the one who changes from the inside out.

I remember when our daughters each came, there was a hint of fear for the future.... what would the future hold? Yet, as time has gone on, we can see that they WILL grow up after all! :)
I have to choose not to look at the future with fear, but with hope and anticipation to see what the Lord will do, and then the future will be what it will be. :)

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