“I pray because I can't help myself. I pray because I'm helpless. I pray because the need flows out of me all the time- waking and sleeping. It doesn't change God- it changes me.”
― C. S. Lewis
― C. S. Lewis
I believe in the sun even when it's not shining. I believe in love even when I don't feel it. And I believe in God even when He is silent. (quote found on the wall of a concentration camp)
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Sunday, April 11, 2010
BCLC Creativity :)
A little girl who shall remain Unnamed gave me permission to write this. :)
Over the last few days, I had noticed our sweet little Noelle's (all our girl's middle names are Noelle which means God's Gift) behavior taking an unpleasant shift. She was being grouchy, only thinking of herself and not others, and just had a dissatisfied countenance. If you knew this little girl, you would never think these things about her. She is carefree and fun, always smiling, always happy.
I had to correct her 3 times by taking her aside to my rocking chair and talking about her attitude. For some reason, I didn't feel like I was getting through.
In the back of my mind, I was thinking, something is up... Is she beginning the emotional swings of puberty? Is she just plain being sinful? Is something horrible bothering her? What is it?
I would ask, and she would just say, "I don't know!" She also seemed abit confused when I talked to her about her attitude, as to what I was talking about. She wasn't seeing it the same way.
Another Noelle had bothered her, or she simply just felt she was RIGHT.....Yikes! :)
I had been observing and watching and praying and trying to figure her out. One thing that kept coming to mind was that she was angry. Dissatisfaction is another type of anger or resentment, as is entitlement. She seemed to be feeing rather "entitled"......
In the morning, all the Noelle's had slept in the same room on the same bed, and this happy sweetie pie, woke up grouchy. She was bothering her sister, and I was hearing from the other room, her singing a non sense song loudly, and finally I was feeling like "this is the last straw".
She was doing it to be annoying and laying on top of her sister to tease.
I called her, and I heard a louder song. I called her louder and heard a LOUDER song! GOOD GRIEF! This had not happened before.
So, I went in and asked her to come to my room. She was in the rocking chair with me, and Mike was in the room getting ready for church. He sat down and we both wanted to talk to her.
It was like trying to reach a brick wall.
Then, I felt like the Lord Showed me that she was hiding anger, and the events since Friday, the reading about the little boy being sent away, the news reports etc. brought a lot of anxiety and anger flooding back into her little heart. She mentioned it to me, about the little boy the day before.
Mike got a balloon out of the package that we are planning to make our Solar System with, and I aksed her, "Would you like to see how Anger and fear, can effect you?" She was intrigued by the game.
And took the bite.... "Sure!" big smile......
So, I blew up the ballon a tiny bit, and I said, all babies cry when they are born. They are probably a little scared and a little angry because they are cold. So this is your baby anger.
Then we talked about how babies need love and affection and attention and food..... I blew into the balloon a little more..... You were afraid being all alone. Then, I talked about how when she broke her hip she was MAD MAD MAD because they tied her in bed at the hospital. (she was in Ukraine and Papa Dima told us about it) So we blew some more air into the balloon.
Then, I told her that it was her adoption day and she had so much hope for going with a new mommy and daddy! And we let some air out of the balloon..... not all of it, just a little, because she was still scared.
Then, after she was here, things didn't go so well..... I added a LOT more air, as there was A LOT of anger and fear at that time. We went over some certain stories she has told me, and added air for each one. Our balloon was getting quite big!
Then, I told her about when we went to pick her up she looked so scared! More air.
I talked to her about how she smiled and covered it up, but I knew she was terribly scared.
But she became happy when she was home just 1 day! So we let some air out.
Then, we talked about when the family wanted to come and visit her and how she burst into tears for fear they would take her back.... More air.
We talked about how mommy and daddy left to go and get Erika, and she had to stay behind.
She told me blow more, I was REALLY scared. She was scared we wouldn't come back. :(
She was really getting into this balloon thing now. :) So, we talked about her fears of not having blankets, of going to the bathroom on her own, of being in the dark, of being alone, etc. etc.
Our balloon was VERY Large!
And then, I asked her, "What do you think happens when a little girl holds in all this anger and fear and needs to keep adding more to her list?" She looked at me and said, "She explodes?"
"You see sweetie, you cannot hold all those fears and all those hurts inside, sooner or later, they will make you explode. BURST! And that is not good for anybody. But there is a way to let it go... let the air out.... safely. "
So, now she was totally engaged. :) We talked about things, many which we had talked about before. We talked about forgiveness, and moving on, and we talked about how we can try on our own to forgive, but REALLY, we need the Lord to help us. We cannot do it on our own.
She began to cry, and she prayed with me and asked the Lord to heal her wounds and her heart and to help her not to be afraid or angry. She was serious and sincere in her prayer and then we snuggled. Our hearts met once again, and we SLOWLY let the air out of the balloon, giving it to the Lord and letting HIM bear our burdens of sadness, fear and anger.
I'm telling you, ALL DAY, she has been a sweetheart of a girl. She is back to her normal self.
I am learning that healing takes place in layer after layer. We think things are conquered and we find that there is another layer like in an onion. One thing is exposed and dealt with, and there still may be a scar on the layer below. :)
I am so thankful for my sweet little girl. She teaches me so much about love and compassion.
I cannot see how there would have been any other way to reach her heart, other than to compassionately point her to the one who can HEAL all of our wounds and make us anew once again.
HIS mercies are new every morning. :)
Thank you my Sweet Noelle for letting me share part of your precious life so others can take joy with us. :)