His Mercy

"His Mercies Are New Every Morning"

A Thought

In this life we can not always do great things. But we can do small things with great love.." :) Mother Teresa

Prayer Quote

“I pray because I can't help myself. I pray because I'm helpless. I pray because the need flows out of me all the time- waking and sleeping. It doesn't change God- it changes me.”
― C. S. Lewis

Faith

I believe in the sun even when it's not shining. I believe in love even when I don't feel it. And I believe in God even when He is silent. (quote found on the wall of a concentration camp)

Weather Underground

Click for Wylie, Texas Forecast

NEW WEB SITE

Check Out Our Other Web Site!
Posts are being added Daily......

www.parentingthatheals.org

Friday, April 9, 2010

A BLACK EYE FOR THE ADOPTION COMMUNITY


I am so angry right now. Yesterday, news broke out, that a 7 year old boy who was adopted from Russia last year (Late September) was returned to Russia BY HIMSELF, with a note in his backpack stating that the mother no longer wanted him. I have read several articles that are now hitting the American newspapers today, and the ramifications of what happened are going to effect the Adoption Community in a huge way.

I know of several families who were in the adoption process, have already MET their children, and the agency they were using, just happened to be the same agency this mother used.
Their license is now suspended. This means, these poor families are now in limb and must wait.
How long? We don't know, but my gut tells me, long.
So now, the children they long to hold, are 1/2 a world away, and will also have to wait to have parents, because of another's selfishness.

Everybody is wondering about the Post Placement reports.... WHAT ABOUT THEM? They should have had 1 by now, and how did it go? Nobody knows.
The note stated that the little boy was violent and the mother was lied to.
I do not know if the circumstances are true, if they are made up, if the child was simply adjusting or anything specific. I was not there. BUT I DO KNOW that there is HELP available
for those who need it and are in distress. If this little boy needed psychiatric care, it IS available. There are also those within the adoption community willing to help.

It appears that instead of reaching out for help, as any parent would do, IF that is truly the case,
they just shipped him back to Russia ..... how is that in HIS best interest?
As parents, we are to do what is best for our children, to protect them, to care for them and love them. How was this any of those things?
Parenting is not easy, adoption isn't easy. Parenting an International Child isn't easy.
In the worst of cases, there is dissolution/disruption, where the child finds a family who may be more suited to meet his needs....

This baby was home for 6 months. That is hardly enough time for him to get settled in! He spent 6 years with a single parent who was an alcoholic, 1 year in an orphanage and then here to the United States. Wouldn't you EXPECT him to have some trauma behaviors?

I am so sad for this broken little boy. I am sad for his future, and I am terribly sad for those parents who cannot fulfill their dreams right now because Russia is planning to Halt U.S. Adoptions.
This time, I fear it is for real.

On my side bar, there is a Beyond Consequences Button and link to the Beyond Consequences chat area. If you are having problems with your children, adopted or not, this is a great resource for help. Heather Forbes offers phone counseling , as do many of her aides.
I too am a BCLC (beyond consequences logic and control) trained parent coach.
My friend JJ is also. There is also Christine from Smiles and Trials on my sidebar, and Jeanne from Blessed by a Child, ALL of us would be willing to help, if you need help.
OR, at least give some ideas for more professional help.

There are resources for those who need them....
Dr. Bruce Perry
Dr. Karyn Purvis
Dr. Daniel Hughes
Heather Forbes LCSW
Bryan Post LCSW
and many, MANY more.

For a newly adopted child, I would certainly say, we MUST MUST MUST be ever so cautious to be tender and gentle with them. They are terrified, in defense mode and come with loads of baggage. Untangling that baggage is a true art form. To just jump in and expect a normal child is insanity.

PLEASE PLEASE LOVE YOUR CHILDREN!

7 comments:

Mike and Christie said...

http://www.jcics.org/Russia.htm

Hevel said...

I have been trying to come up with what I'd like to say about the whole issue, but really, I can't find the correct words. :-( You and Annie from One Mother's Day pretty much summarized everything I'd like to say.

Mike and Christie said...

Hevel, when you decide what to add, please do. :)
I have been thinking about you and praying for you all day. This must bring back awful feelings and memories. I am so sorry. Are you still in the U.S.?
I cannot believe the ignorant comments I am reading on CNN.

Jeri said...

I think we do not have all the information yet. If she turned to her agency for help, she may have met what many parents have and that is resistance to even admit there could be a problem and no help. We,have approached Karyn Purvis's group for years, only to be told our son would be on the waitlist and then, were told at ten, after four years of waiting, that he was too old. I've also contacted Bruce Perry, twice over the years with absolutely no response. And, I live in Texas. After nine years, our son is now in a state hospital, after two RTC's and on the CPS dime as we don't have $450 per day for private pay and insurance won't pay anything. Do I agree with sending him back, heck no! Especially sending him alone. Know that thousands of Russian adoptive families do the same thing though.

Hevel said...

Yes, we are still in the States, P's password should arrive in NYC Tuesday morning, and we should get his visa the next day (or he will be traveling a tourist!).

We have had some issues with P since the whole thing took over the news. And, I think I found some words, so about to update.

Annie said...

I've stumbled on your blog a few times, and don't know HOW I somehow failed to become an actual follower. This was a very good post. I hadn't realized you were another BC family. This approach has been amazingly helpful for us. Love. That is what it is about. How I wish I could have had that little guy....that is one of the sad things - all the families who would have given just about ANYTHING to take him into their homes and love him.

Ericka said...

Thank you for the list of resources!

You Are Still Holy

LinkWithin