The Notification

Anna to Mom.... "Mama, there is going to be an ROTC Ball in December." They said it is not the same as "Proms".... and it won't be a date thing... I thought you should know that I'd like to attend. I'm telling you now, because I know how long it took you to decide about me going to school. "
ROFL.....

Mom to Anna..."But there will be dancing and things..... :) "

Anna:  Moooommmm!

:)

This A.M.

We had a really great morning that I wanted to share.  Miss Alli struggles with being in groups. She prefers to be home, and it stretches her to go to co-op or to our young people's bible study.
She goes, but it is uncomfortable for her.

The young people's bible study that the girls attend is taught by the dads who rotate on a monthly basis.  This month is Mike's turn.

He said she sat on the FRONT row, at the end, by herself.  (keep that in mind as I tell this story)

We all woke this a.m. for our busy morning routine of getting breakfast ready, lunch for Anna, getting organized for the a.m., taking turns for computer time, checking email etc.

At 7:00, we have our family devotions each a.m.
We read, discuss and then pray for the day.  It takes about 15 to 20 minutes.  We try to keep it at 15.

Today, Mike took us to Collossians 3: 12-16.
Put on then, as eGod's chosen ones, holy and beloved, fcompassionate hearts, gkindness, hhumility, meekness, and patience, 13 hbearing with one another and, iif one has a complaint against another, gforgiving each other; gas the Lord has forgiven you, so you also must forgive. 14 And above all these put on jlove, which kbinds everything together in lperfect harmony. 15 And let mthe peace of Christ rule in your hearts, to which indeed you were called nin one body. And obe thankful. 16 Let pthe word of Christ dwell in you richly, teaching and admonishing one another in all wisdom, qsinging psalms and hymns and spiritual songs, rwith thankfulness in your hearts to God.

We talked a little bit about how we can show love to others, around us.

After we were done, Alli said, "I don't like to talk to people. I really don't like people because they are mean."  She began to say that she really didn't like going to youth because everybody is mean, and at co op everybody is mean....
She also makes sure we know that she doesn't have friends," only aquaintences." :)
(even though she seems to  have made a few friends, and does interact )
Mike really took his training last weekend to heart and has been watching the DVD's we purchased.
He instantly went to work... "Sweetie, let me see those pretty eyes!"  And then he tenderly talked with her about the difference between how we "feel" and "what is real."

"If people were being mean to you, I'd want to know about it, and so would their parents. Can you tell me who is being mean?" 
She was looking down and curling up by then.  "Nobody really." "I just don't like people."

"It is kind of scary to open up our hearts to have new friends, isn't it!"  "You have had people be mean to you in the past, right?"

BINGO!

"Yes." 
"Are you scared?"
"Yes."

And he went right to the heart of the matter.  (If she doesn't allow people to get close, she won't be rejected.)
"You can't be rejected if you reject everybody else first!" "But you are robbing yourself of relationships because you are afraid."

We as a family have made huge strides with her, and she is attached.  Her next step is those outside of her immediate family.  She is still a very frightened little girl.

What happened next?
She climbed into dad's lap and snuggled!  She talked and looked deep into his eyes and there was connection.
REAL CONNECTION.
No customers pulled up, and that gave him uninterrupted time with her.
We all prayed together that Alli would be willing to open her heart just a smidge so she can have a friend.  The truth is, she DOES want friends and there are many girls who like her. She is just afraid of the rejection and that somebody might be mean.

After we all started our day and daddy was in the bedroom, he was telling me where she sat at youth group.  Front row ...... and we both realized, she was trying to be close to him while he was teaching.
She wanted to stay connected to a safe person. 

He has been waiting for moments like these for 2 years.  They have come little by little, but today was huge.
Before he walked out to go to work, Miss Alli said, "Wait Daddy! I haven't had my hug!"

ROTC

We went to an ROTC dinner at the high school with Anna tonight.  Her leaders are such sweet people!  I was so impressed with their commitment to put these kids on a road to success!
Anna was running around the cafeteria and finding her new friends to bring over and introduce to us.
She was smiling and happy and full of energy! :)

On the way home she said, "My cheeks hurt from smiling so much!" LOL  :)

On FRIDAY, she is going to be going on a Full Weekend field trip.  Am I really ready for this???
They are going to spend two days on the U.S.S. Lexington, in Corpus Cristi, Texas.

Wow! 
I wonder if She'll take her sleeping buddy? Bob the cat. :)
After all Marcus used to take Beary on campouts. :)

The Repair Man

Mike takes "Repair" to  a whole new level! LOL
He bought these sandals 24 years ago.  They were having some "issues", so he fixed them!
They should be good for another 24 years! :)

ROTC

Anna is entrenched in ROTC and High School! She is loving it! :)

 This is her light weight uniform. :)

 And her heavy weight back pack!

This week is her team is going on a field trip to Corpus Christi to see the Lexington.
They will spend the night on the ship!
She is so excited! 
Oh how our baby is so grown up! :)

The Weekend

Since Anna is in public school now, we had to leave her behind with Joe and Becca!
The rest of us went to Houston to get Alli's passport, and to attend an awesome Adoption conference! :)
The Conference was put on by Empowered To Connect with Karyn Purvis.  Wow! What a weekend!
We thoroughly enjoyed it! Mike and I are ready to launch into an all church Support group!

The girlies did great all weekend. Alli was nervous about going to the Russian Embassy to get her passport, but all went well!

Anna attended school and I talked to her on the phone. Her brother and sister in law took very good care of her in our absence. :)

Can't wait for us to all be back together, tomorrow. :)

Blessing Upon Blessing

I am so overwhelmed with the Love of Christ right now.  I am sitting here in my hotel room and just finished listening to today's sermon from our church.  What a blessing Pastor Justin is to us.
"Thy Word is a Lamp unto my feet and a light unto my path"
Today's sermon:  was on the Cost of Discipleship.
The gospel and grace of our Lord is free.... but the COST is great. Jesus layed down His life!

Thinking about those across this world who are suffering because of the gospel. They are suffering because they have believed.
Trials will come into the life of the believer. But HE WILL be with us and not forsake us.  He is with those who are suffering.  Let's remember to pray for our brothers and sisters in Christ, who are in chains or suffering.
http://www.cornerstonewylie.org/multimedia-archive/grace-and-discipleship-luke-923-27/

"For I am not ashamed of the Gospel of Christ for it is the power of God to Salvation for all who believe."

Please Pray .....

I will be speaking this weekend in Katy Texas.   And, I have just launched our new website "www.parentingthatheals.org".
There is A LOT going on!
I appreciate any prayers going up on our behalf! :)
I'll update early next week. :)

Thankyou so much!

New Web Site

I would like to thank everybody who wrote sweet notes of encouragement both in the comment section and in private emails.
I am not going away, just tweaking, and hopefully, making it easier to find posts that are needed.

I will have some limited pictures up..... my first post has one. :)

Thank you for your patience as I transfer data over and edit it.

This site will allow some extra features. As soon as I know how to use them.... well, you'll see what they are. LOL

My new Website address is:

parentingthatheals.org or parentingthatheals.com

You can get there from either address.

I hope to see you there!  And soon there will even be info up there. :)

I am learning how to use this site and it will be much easier to find posts in categories!
I have my first post up..... regarding being a therapeutic home. :)

Changes

I am going to be setting up a different blog.  I would like to focus more on adoption specifically and parenting paradigms that are helpful.

Please pray as these changes are made.  Some posts will be transferred over to the new blog.
But some, more sensitive posts will not be.   This blog will be private for family only.
I have loved sharing my family with you.... and loved that you have shared your insights, thoughts, ideas and families with me. 

This decision has been weighing on my heart for a while.  If you have any ideas regarding websites vs. blogs, etc. , please advise!

When I get the new site set up, I'll post a link here for a short time before going private.
Honestly, I have been getting a lot of hits from a Vampire site, and it scared me.  It was well over 125 a week.  I was really concerned.  But it turns out it is a domain listing site.

However, there have been other reasons weighing on my heart too, that are disturbing.

Thanks for reading.

Have a blessed Day.
Christie M

Header Change

I switched up our picture up top.  This includes every member of our immediate family. :)
Four sons, Four Daughter's in Law, Four daughters, and Eleven Grand Children.
And Mike and I. :)
If anybody has another baby.... well, this won't work. LOL

Attaked!

I don't know if I have ever been so sad.
My character has been attacked.
The Lord knows.
I will Rest in Him.

Labor Day Weekend....

Mike and the girls went to the Lake today with some friends. They had a wonderful time!
Anna and I stayed home and spent some time together.  It was nice. :)
Summer is winding down, but boy is it HOT!  Today was predicted to be 108º.  I don't know if it made it to that temperature, but it sure felt like it did!  It will be hot like this for the rest of the week.

Tomorrow, is Labor Day....  For YEARS, I convinced the boys and then the girls that Labor day was a day that was granted so you could labor at home and get the house really clean!

Well, those days are over! Everybody knows that is not the case... BUT....
Tomorrow, we will be "laboring" out of love to get the house clean, the outside clean and more. :)

Happy Labor Day!

Some pictures from today:

These girls are growing up and changing so fast!  Oh my! I love them so.

Shelter In The Storm

The Lyrics to this song really touched my heart today.  I know so many people who are hurting.  It has been a difficult month for me personally, and this song ministered to my own heart today.
           I pray that it ministers to your heart too.

Shelter In The Storm
VERSE 1
I have a shelter in the storm
When troubles pour upon me
Though fears are rising like a flood
My soul can rest securely
O Jesus, I will hide in You
My place of peace and solace
No trial is deeper than Your love
That comforts all my sorrows

VERSE 2
I have a shelter in the storm
When all my sins accuse me
Though justice charges me with guilt
Your grace will not refuse me
O Jesus, I will hide in You
Who bore my condemnation
I find my refuge in Your wounds
For there I find salvation

VERSE 3
I have a shelter in the storm
When constant winds would break me
For in my weakness, I have learned
Your strength will not forsake me
O Jesus, I will hide in You
The One who bears my burdens
With faithful hands that cannot fail
You’ll bring me home to heaven

Discernment, Truth and Judgment

I have written about discernment on my blog a few times, but mostly about teaching our children to be discerning, regarding what they read or what they listen to.  I posted HERE and HERE on that topic. 
Today, I'd like to write about our own discernment.
Discernment means:
from the "free dictionary":The act or process of exhibiting keen insight and good judgment. 2. Keenness of insight and judgment. discernment

From GTY.org: Biblical Discernment In its simplest definition, discernment is nothing more than the ability to decide between truth and error, right and wrong.

from Merriman Webster: the quality of being able to grasp and comprehend what is obscure

from dictionary reference.com:
the faculty of discerning; discrimination; acuteness of judgment and understanding

and finally from Vocabulary.com: Discernment is the ability to make a smart judgment about something. If you're voting for Student Council President, you need to use discernment to pick the best candidate.

If you notice, discernment has a close relationship with judgment, based upon truth.
We make judgment calls all the time!  All of us do.  It gives a picture in mind of the Olympic rings. They are separate, yet blend together.

We judge if bananas are too ripe to purchase.  Will we eat them before they rot? 

We make judgment calls all the time regarding reading materials, movies, and even friends.
Is this somebody I want to spend time with?  Will this person effect my family is a positive way?
For instance, if a pedophile, just released from prison, who claims he has changed, were to knock on our door and ask to spend the night, we might want to be DISCERNING and say, no.

Is that making a JUDGMENT? Yes it is.  Is it judging a person directly, with the attitude of " you are lower than me you scumbag?"  No. it is not.  We can be kind and loving towards somebody, but also discern.

Does this type of discernment or judgment, put us up on a pedestal of self love and perfection, and place the lowly other person beneath the ground, into the ground and all judged to death?  No. And it had better not! We are all sinners and our standing before the Lord is ONLY because of His mercy and grace in our lives!  There is nothing we can earn.  Our best attempt at righteousness is as a dirty wrag, when held up to the Holiness of God.

If I were to say to that person.... "You know, I am happy that you have made some differences in your life.  Treat them with respect, talk about those differences, share with them, and then put them up in a hotel, where they could get a comfortable night's sleep, that would NOT be judging, but it would be discerning.
If an Alcoholic feels called to minister in Bars, or the pedophile called to minister in a "day care center", or somebody who struggles with stealing, to work as a teller at a bank, it seems it would be ok to question if that were God calling them.

There are all kinds of times that me make discerning, prayerful decisions in our conversations, and in our relationships.

Discernment is also a gift from the Lord, especially when raising our children.  There are times we must discern if an act of snottiness, was stress related, attachment related, hormone related (now that we have 4 teenage girls), or was it just a simple act of  disobedience?

It is HARD to discern sometimes, and many times after much prayer, calming our hearts down, and listening, the answer is right there before us.
The problems come for us as parents when many times behaviors look the same. 
Snottiness is snottiness! 


But is it?
No.

Just as we learn to distinguish, (discern) between a babies cries: Are they hungry? Are they wet?
Are they bored? Are they in pain?
We need to learn to discern and distinguish the root causes of our children's behaviors, and for that fact, the root causes of our own responses to those behaviors!  **** (see bottom of post)

Because sometimes, our reaction to their reaction can be a big ole' reaction that never ends!  OR it can be sorely mistaken, and we can wind up hurting relationships!

It is imperative that relationship remains connected and sought after, even in correction!  As parents, we must be able to share truth, with our children, and not crush them.  At the same time, sometimes our children can be crushed by insecurity, shame, lack of attachment, self judgment (the kind that is NOT true) and self hatred.
That makes it all the more important to break through those defenses to reach our children's hearts.
It will require vulnerability on our own part, sharing with them some snotty thing WE have done, and survived through a time of correction. :)

We can discern, how much a child is prepared for in the area of instruction and then gently stay within those boundaries!   Having a little at a time, with great support afterwards, lots of I care about you's and I love you's..... while keeping  them back in  a place of felt safety is so important!
And it works very well!

As time goes on, and our children have been home for a long time, their window of tolerance (<---- linked) can be wide open, and there is much room for us to relax more.  If When we mess up, it doesn't cause an end of the world catastrophic event under our roof!  We say we are sorry and life goes on.  :)


**** If we are unwilling to look at ourselves, or to admit that we are capable of great wrong, which all of us are, then it will be very hard to be discerning with our children.  We must remember those 3 fingers pointing right back at us, when correcting our children. 
If we are willing to be vulnerable and pour ourselves out to the Lord, or even find support groups to help us, we will be much better able to be in a place of discernment and proper judgment!
And then, we will be able to better parent our children who come from very difficult places!
Growth is hard.  But growth is Good!  The diamond in the rough is hard to get to, and takes much effort.
As parents, we must also be willing to receive correction, or learn new ways to parent. If we are too  proud, or if we don't receive somebody's attempt to help, even if the person isn't perfectly right, but instead dismiss their efforts as judgment... we won't grow.
When I was much younger and our oldest son was 10. I distinctly remember an older woman at our church taking me aside to give me her thought on a way I had corrected my son in public.
He had been told ahead of time not go go into our Sunday School class and get left over donuts. :)
But there he was, and I corrected him, instructing him to go and sit down in the church and wait for me.  It was that "authoratative voice thing"....
This woman was embarrassed for my son, because he was with his friends and all the kids did it!
She didn't know I had already told him.  Her words stung.  But she was RIGHT.  I embarrassed my son, and I am sure it was not her pleasure or determination to cause me pain.  She discerned and made a proper judgement and correctly sought to offer guidance.
I am thankful to her for that, even though it didn't feel so great at the time. Her intention was good.
And God used her in my life.
My guess is, there are a lot of diamonds out there undiscovered, because we are too proud to find them.... both in ourselves and in our children.

Let's choose to find the diamonds in the rough and bring them to a place of shining brightly!

Our Week

Well it was a very busy week around here!  Everybody had a successful first week of school.
Anna did very well adjusting to being in a large public high school. She likes all of her classes and teachers.  She especially likes the R.O.T.C. program!

Sarah and Alli enjoyed their first day at Co-Op, taking 3 classes each!  They were both stressed this a.m. before it started, because we have never done classes before.  After it was over, they were very happy!

Erika had her last day of volunteering at Texas Scottish Rite  Hospital for Children.  I am really liking the classes the girls are taking and how we have set up our schedule this year!

Looking forward to Monday being a Holiday! :)

Miracles DO Happen!

You may have read on Tina's and Adeye's blogs yesterday about the Higbie family. 
They are going to adopt THREE Teenagers!  But funds were not there, and they needed them fast.
The Body of Christ moved in an incredible way, and not only did they get the money needed for immediate needs, enough money came in to cover plane tickets and everything!  WOW!
Way to Go!
So, I have added them to my blog roll.  Can you join me in praying for this precious family, and praying these children home? 
They have invited all to share in their journey as they bring their children home.
Here is a link to Loving Recklessly, The Higbie's blog. :)

"MISTAKES"

The meaning of a word is very, very important.  It is not uncommon for words in our language to be misunderstood!  An example might be "effect" vs. "affect". 

Affect

In order to understand the correct situation in which to use the word affect or effect, the first thing one must do is have a clear understanding of what each word means. The word affect means to produce a change in something.

Effect

The word effect has a different meaning. Effect is defined as a result of something or the ability to bring about a result.


But when it comes to the word "mistake" the meaning is quite clear!

A mistake is a blunder, an error, and even an error in judgment, such as, I bought this dress but it is way to short!  Or  I made a calculation error and I have less money in the bank than I thought!

These are MISTAKES!  Yes, they are lapses in judgment, but there is no ill intent.


In the Trial of Hana Williams, whom I wrote about 2 years ago here, and then the use of TTUAC here
the statement was made that "we made a mistake". 
NO! A mistake was not made.  It was not a "mistake" to feed her frozen food instead of cooked.
It was not a "mistake" to put a lock on a closet door and force her to sleep inside there."
It was not a "mistake" to beat her.
It was not a "mistake" to beat her deaf brother.
It was not a "mistake" to make her stay outside, shower and toilet outside, and sleep in the barn.
It was not a "mistake" to keep the children separate from family celebrations like Christmas.
It was not a "mistake" to sit and watch her as she struggled for life.
It was not a "mistake" to STARVE.HER. TO. DEATH!

No.
It wasn't just "poor judgment" or "misguided judgment". 
No.

It was  a systematic, continual atmosphere of abuse... and then the other children were also put in the position of participation. 
During Hana's last hours on this earth, as she was staggering in the back yard, the mother gave Hana's brothers a switch to go and strike her with.
The children were then directed to LIE to social workers and investigators about where Hana slept and if she had been beaten. :(
It  was not a "mistake" to tell children to lie to authorities.

It was INTENTIONAL.

Now, did they intend for Hana to die?  I don't believe they did.  But honestly, how can the word "mistake" even be used.
Oops she died.  That was a mistake.
It so cheapens Hana's life.

How about we were HORRIBLY WRONG?  How about we are BOTH responsible?
Why even a trial?  Why not plead the truth? How about "We systematically MURDERED our daughter in the name of some sort of wacky- pseudo- parenting paradigm and we are TRULY sorry!"
"It doesn't matter if she were 12 or 20. We abused another human being, that we promised to love and cherish, until she died."
She is DEAD. There is a body in the ground.

There is forgiveness in Christ.  Yes, there is. And I do hope that the William's have sought that forgiveness.  But a sign of repentence would not be to defend your actions, accuse each other of being more at fault, or call your actions a "mistake".
Sin is more accurate.
Sins are transgressions against God, and against His Law.  We are ALL sinners. 
We are all in need of forgiveness.  I pray that the Williams find that forgiveness.

One of the saddest parts of this entire story, besides a family torn apart, and the death of Hana, is that this family, just like all families that adopt, had wonderful, GOOD intentions!
They wanted to do something for children.  They wanted to joyfully add to their family.
And something went tragically WRONG.  It was NOT the fault of Hana Williams.

If you are a future adoptive family, one of the very best things you can do while you wait, is get prepared for what is going to CHANGE.YOUR. LIVES. forever!
The process of bringing home children is a shock to the family AND even MORE SO to the child!
PREPARE YOURSELVES! 
Don't be the bride who worries about the fanciness and joy of the wedding and forgets to prepare for the marriage!
The LONG HAUL life of adoption can be wonderful! It can also be stressful! 
Deal with your own baggage before you bring your kids home!  I promise, you will have more to deal with after they arrive! :)
REACH OUT to the adoption community. DO NOT ISOLATE! And do NOT be in a group that speaks negatively about their children in disparaging ways!  Do NOT participate in "Misery Love Company" type groups.

Instead, find TRUE adoption support.  Seek out social workers, friends, friends of friends, and find families that are SUCCESSFUL.
LEARN FROM THEM! 
There are many blogs on my side bar to choose from that are successful with their children. They do not have magically easy children. Some deal with very difficult circumstances! 
Go to websites like  Empowered to Connect.  There is so much information there and it is wonderful!

There are also conventions to go to! There is one in Houston this month and in the Dallas area next month, both featuring Karyn Purvis!  It is 60 dollars for a COUPLE to attend for 2 full days of enrichment! 
That folks is a bargain!

The adoption community needs to pull together and make sure that not one more adopted child is murdered in the name of "discipline".  And even more, the adoption community needs to pull together and "Shout from the Rooftops", that adoption is a WONDERFUL THING... but you MUST BE PREPARED to FACE the MONSTER IN THE MIRROR! Yourself.
And then, you will be ready to be equipped to gently guide your adopted child to healing and wholeness.

Here is a link to the article that fueled this post.  Thank you to Hope Anne for posting it.
Here is a link to Hope Anne's blog.  I like to refer to Hope Anne as the creator of "skirt holding". :)
She is also located on my side bar blog roll.

Excitement Is In The Air!

I don't know if you have noticed.... But over at "No Greater Joy Mom" blog and Tina's Blog.... The Higbee family has been featured so that they can be funded to GET THEIR CHILDREN!  And the Lord has Provided Greatly! Above and beyond!  :)

We serve an AWESOME GOD!  And those of you who have donated... GOD BLESS YOU!
Three TEENAGERS are now going to have a FAMILY!

I LOVE ADOPTION!

KEEP FUNDING THIS FAMILY even if it is 10 dollars! They will need funds for food and lodging etc.! You can fun them HERE!