The Adorables Annual Pose

This Last Week

Well, it has been a fun and busy week!
The Fontes' Family, stopped overnight once again on their way home.
In fact, they had to reassign seats in their van, because they brought home another child. :)

 Playing dolls

 Resting

 Playing Ninja with Sarah

 Relaxing

Here they are packing up and getting ready to leave:  New seating arrangements were needed. :)

What a precious family....

Joe and Becca moved into a new apartment, but we are going to babysit their piano for a while. :)
Here is Truman looking at a book with Alli.  Truman is 2, and quite the talker!  I took him with me to the hospital to pick Erika up from volunteering and had the attention of the entire lunch table with his charming smile and impressions of a pirate..... "I'm a pirate!" (with one eye closed) "I have a sword at home!" LOL

It was a week full of fun visits and rest during the hot days of Texas Summer.

 Getting aquainted with Uncle Joe.

 Aunt Alli making baby Felix laugh.

 Marcus making me laugh.

And good conversation.......

Some of My Favorite People

 Charlie in all his Charlieness....

 Marcus and Will spinning the dreidel..... Can't wait to learn about this fun game. :) Hint Hint.....

Olivia just looking Olivia like.  Anna says Olivia is cute no matter what... smiling, crying..... :)
And of course the unseen Ivy, who is behind the camera! :)

Attachment and Babies and Adoption and Connection

This is a photo of Olivia at 2 months..... 

Over the weekend, our son Marcus and Ivy came over with our grandsons Will and Charlie and our grand daughter Olivia.   As I was watching Olivia, aka... "Miss Butter".... I was once again struck by how INTENSE the mother-baby connection is... and in  her case, the Father-baby connection... :)  She so intently looked at them with the most ADORING expressions.  Everytime she heard her mama's voice, her eyes were searching for her, and when she saw her, there was this look of pure BLISS!  Miss Olivia, is 3 months old, and has had NUMEROUS connections with her mama and daddy these 3 months.
They coo at her and adore her and laugh with her and try to get her to interact and smile, and she responds with total and complete trust!
(I could kick myself for not getting a video of what I am trying to describe)

As Ivy and I were talking, I mentioned, "Look how intent she looks at you!"  And then I told her how it made me think of the girls, and how ALL THOSE YEARS  passed, and they had NOBODY to coo at them and love on them.
Ivy's reply was, "I know!"  "I think about that too!"
And then we told Olivia what a fortunate baby she was to have such loving parents to dote on her. :)

Today, as I was driving with Anna to the grocery store, there was a service type announcement on the news radio.  They were encouraging parents to read to their babies, talk to them in full sentences and sing to them. :)  I thought, "That is a good announcement!"  But they went further:
"This is the sound of a baby's brain wave who does not have a parent read to them, or sing to them..... and it was one of those flat notes..... that you might think of when a signal goes out.    And then they said, "this is the sound of a baby's brain wave who has parent's who sing and read and talk to them. The signal was making all sorts of sounds and bouncing around.....

I felt tears well up in my eyes. I know it sounds silly , as this was a simple commercial announcement. But in our home, and family, we have 4 little girls who had that flat brain wave for YEARS!     And it makes me rejoice in AWE that they are doing so wonderfully after YEARS of neglect and abuse.
I also felt tears of joy for Miss Butter, and all of my other grand children and my boys who DIDN'T suffer that type of abuse or neglect.  I am thankful for each of my adult children and their wonderful wives; my other adult children who are WONDERFUL parents!

And finally, I felt a sense of gratitude that I get to be mom to such wonderful girls.  I am so thankful that I can love on them and coo at them and make them smile, even at the ages they are now.  I am thankful that they have each been placed into our home to be LOVED, unconditionally, and forever. :)
There is hope to recoup the lost time that our children endured.  Those years of silence, rocking in cribs, being neglected and hungry; there is hope for connection, healing and LOVE. RAD can HEAL. PTSD can HEAL.... FEAR can HEAL.  YES IT CAN!
OH YES THERE IS HOPE! DON'T DOUBT IT FOR ONE MINUTE.... :)

It is REAL.

Oh my beautiful, wonderful girls..... You are precious not only to us, but to GOD.  HIS heart broke when your hearts broke.  But OH the JOY that has come.......  WE LOVE YOU!


 ^{Jeremiah 29:11}   For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. 
Amen!

Fear Not! For I have redeemed you

I have called you by your name, you are mine

When thou pass through the water, I will be with you

And through rivers they shall not overflow

When you pass through the fire you shall not be burned

 Neither shall the flame kindle upon thee

For I am the Lord thy God!

Isaiah 43

A Sweet Little Grand Lady.... :)

Isn't she just precious!!! :)  Little Olivia. 

Olivia Grace Minich

Our youngest grand daughter was baptized today.  Marcus picked out her gown as soon as he found out that he and Ivy were having a girl! LOL  And today, she got to wear it.  What a special time...... 
 Olivia and Papau: Pink bib worn before in case of unplanned vomiting. :)

 Ya Ya and Olivia

 Marcus

 The Adorables:  Marcus, Ivy William, Charlie and Olivia

 A little tired of pictures. :)

Now, our video camera TURNED OFF right at the time he was going to baptize her! But I love how they do this.  It was very special. :)

Miss Olivia

5 Days Old!

Proud brothers and an especially happy Charlie! :)

Birth, Grief and Healing

 My decision to put being a Ya-Ya first today, reminded Alli that births are special.  She was also reminded that her beginnings were very different from Olivia's.
Alli was NOT at all jealous.  She loves little Olivia... But this is what transpired.

How can the  birth of a precious, little Olivia, cause our youngest daughter to grieve? 
The day of one's Birth is a WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL thing....that is IF you are as fortunate to be a little Olivia.
She has parents that adore her, and were totally in love with her before she was born.
She is secure and peaceful and calm.

Alli, on the other hand, was reminded by the celebration of Oliva's birth,  of the fact that she is no longer with her first mom and dad, or her first adoptive parents, or her second adoptive parents.  She was reminded that we are her FOURTH family; that not only was she rejected by her first family, she was rejected and turned away by two more families,  and it made her feel sad, and it  made her feel insecure too.

Yesterday, I was gone most of the day.  I went to the hospital in the morning, returned in time to get Sarah and Alli to gymnastics,  brought them home, and then after dinner all the girls went with Daddy to a youth function so I could practice music for Easter Sunday.    It was a BUSY DAY!
In fact, it was so busy, I didn't even see Olivia yesterday.
So today, I went back to the hospital to visit with her and enjoy some Ya-Ya time. 
One of the facts of my life is that I am a Ya-Ya AND a Ma-Ma too.  And sometimes I am torn between both worlds. 

I came back home and Miss Alli was still not dressed for the day.  She went to get dressed and while she was dressing, she was overcome with grief.  She went outside crying and nobody knew why.  I had  a sneaking suspicion, so I went and snuggled her back up to the porch and we sat on the swing together. I told her I loved her, and asked her why she was crying.  She said she didn't know how to explain it.

So I asked her, "Does it hurt that Olivia is so cherished?"  There was a little nod.  "Does it hurt that you are reminded that you are not in your first family?"  "Yes."  And then the tears flowed.  "I love you mommy!" "Thank you for understanding."
We snuggled and wept together. 
She looked into my eyes, totally vulnerable and I told her how very much I love her, and that when I was holding Olivia today, that is how I feel about her... she is just a little bigger. :)

It is  sad that our girls had such tragic beginnings, and that working through those losses can be so painful.  But there is joy on the other side of grief.  As parents, we have to remember that the other side of adoption,  is loss... our children have LOST so very much.  They have lost the thing that little Olivia will always have , thank goodness... they lost their security, their peacefulness and their assumption that they were cherished and loved from the beginning. 

Miss Alli is cherished in our family, just like all of the children; she is VERY MUCH a part of the family. I reassured her that it is OK to grieve the loss of her first families, and that her feelings are very normal.   Then we all gathered around her and prayed with her.

I rejoiced over this moment together, because a year ago, she may have felt rage or anger, because she didn't know how to express her thoughts of grief, or describe how she was feeling.  A long time ago, the only thing that would come out was anger.  Today, she grieved in a very healthy way.  WOW! I am so proud of her.

After we talked, she washed up and came out with a big smile on her face; that big, famous Alli smile that only she can give. :)
So, I am writing as a mama right now.  A mama who  is proud of the hard work her little girl has done over the last year... And VERY PROUD that she was able to healthily work through some grief that had been there a long time, and try to make sense of it.

Alli knows she is cherished and loved, just like Olivia is..... and I am proud to be her MaMa, just like I am proud to be Olivia's Ya-Ya. :)

I'M A YA-YA for the 10TH TIME!

Isn't she just spectacular??? :)

The Lord knit you in your mother's womb.  You are fearfully and wonderfully made! We give HIM all praise and glory!

Welcome baby Olivia, beautiful grand daughter and daughter to Marcus and Ivy, sister to Will and Charlie, cherished and loved by a whole lot of Aunts, Uncles, Cousins, Grandparents and more!

The waiting for her arrival: Aunties and Cousins

She was born today at around 12:50 and is 7 lbs. 13 oz.

In honor of all my children and grand children. :)