My Dabba

I have written about my Dabba many times.  This November 2nd, she would have been 99.

I was not able to see her again.  I wanted to so badly, but she was just too far away. We did however talk on the phone now and then. 

Dabba was one of the most important, influential people in my life. She taught me so much about love and acceptance, strength and humility.  She possessed an inner strength like nobody I have ever met.  And she was witty and funny. 

EVERYBODY needs a Dabba in their lives.

She got her name from our nephew Sean, who was the very first grand child. He couldn't say gramma and called her Dabba.  And that was her name forever! Even if she went to another country, which she did many times... those she met knew her as Dabba.  :)

One of the special things that happened a couple of years ago, was that our sons, all made a trek to visit her, knowing that at 97, she didn't have much more time.
The other reason they were going was to forgive their bio dad.  He lived not too far away from her and was being cared for by his brother and his wife.

I am SO PLEASED that our guys took the time with our nephew to go and visit her and to visit him.

It was not long after, that the boys bio father passed away from a chemo treatment gone bad.

What a blessing that it was for them to be able to visit both together on a special guy trek, and to have some closure for past events in their lives.

There is a great photo of them all sitting playing spades together and their bio father watching intently from his chair. 

If you didn't know already, Mike adopted the guys when they were little, about 28 years ago.
So technically all 8 of our kiddos were adopted. :)

I miss my Dabba and think of her all the time.  What a blessing she was and continues to be.

My Dabba

My other mom, Dabba, will be 93 on November 2nd.  She was born in 1920.  I talked to her on the phone last night and said, "I can't believe you are almost 93!"  She said, "I know I am.... and I feel every bit of it!" LOL 
Apparently she had a fall and was bruised up a bit.  But she is on the mend.  I so wish we lived closer together.  She is so far away.

We talk every now and then, but mostly communicate through email.  The last email I sent didn't get a response, so I emailed again.  Then my daughter in law emailed me and said, "Have you heard from her?"
I contacted my nephew and he handn't heard either and we were all about to get really worried.
I was so glad to hear her voice when I called her on the phone!

My nephew affectionately said, she is like a robot! :) 

It is amazing how much has changed since 1920.  She went through the Roaring 20's, the Great Depression, World War 2, the Korean War, the Vietnam War, the Cold War and she was right in the middle of the first Gulf War, living in Israel, working at a Special Needs orphanage. 
She said the sirens would go off because of incoming scud missiles and by the time they got all the children into the shelter, the all clear would go off and then they'd start all over again!

Our oldest son Chuck and his friend went to Israel while she was there to stay for the summer. That was a memorable time for him and for her. :)

She also managed to raise 6 children after her precious husband died, and also raised her grand son.


My Dabba lived in NM for a while also.  We lived together when the boys were little and both worked part time jobs. She helped me in a great time of need.  She is a wonderful mother,  grand mother and  great grandmother and I cannot say enough about how wonderful she is, inside and out.

I pray that I get to see her once again before she is off on a new heavenly adventure! If not, I know I'll see her there. :)
In the mean time..... since she no longer has access to email, it will be snail mail and phone calls.

I love my Dabba. :)

Dabba is 91 Today!

 This is Dabba with Joseph.
I am so proud of my Dabba. :)  She still uses the computer and emails. :)
She turns 91 today.
Dabba is more like my mom.  She was my mother in law for several years.  She is Gramma Dabba to ALL of our kids.
She is the very example of what I would want to be like .  She is loving and caring. She is patient and kind. She is long suffering.  She loves the Lord Jesus, and she dedicated MOST of her money to other's needs.  She had 6 children when her husband died and managed to raise all of them on a medical secretary's salary.  She also cheerfully gave her money away to missions.   She is no longer living on her own, but is doing well.
I wish I had a new picture of her! (Hint-Hint)

One of my favorite memories of Dabba is going on our "Ladies' Friendlies".... This is what Dabba called it when just the girls went out to a restaurant and talked.  I LOVED going out and spending time with her and Aunt Lee Lee.

Aunt Lee Lee, (who was really my sister in law) lived at home with her mom, because she had schizophrenia and was unable to live on her own much of the time.  She did laundry and did a really great job at it.  But didn't get out much.
She loved going out too, when we all went together! 
The place we usually went was just about 3 miles from the house.  There were maybe 3 stop lights.  One time, when we were on our way, the light turned red and Aunt Lee Lee groaned, "Oh NO!"  Dabba smiled and said in her famous humor, "Did you have an important appointment to get to?"
There was a pause and then Aunt Lee Lee started to laugh.... and we all laughed. (you would have had to have been there)
 I hate it that we live so far away from each other and can't do "ladies friendlies".  But our love for each other is just as strong, even though we don't get to see each other.

Happy Birthday Mom~!

Adoption Disruption and Thoughts I Can't Express part 3

I have been mulling over a few thoughts on disruption once again.  I wrote 2 posts directly about adoption disruption here and here.  Anytime one writes on such a subject, they can be accused of all sorts of things, beginning with not being understanding or being too harsh.

This is NOT my intention AT ALL.  In fact, I am VERY happy that our girls who have come to us BECAUSE of disruption are with us.  I am happy because they are my sweethearts, and because I do know that God has moved in all of our lives, and they are flourishing.

Russell Moore recently wrote a post called "Don't Adopt".  That is not actually what he means.  He means, "If you are looking for the perfect child, or for somebody to fulfill your need, don't adopt."
He also said, he no longer believes that all Christians should adopt.  I am really glad he said this.
Because he is right.

I don't know the circumstances of his post.... meaning why he actually wrote it. But my guess is, that he has come across and been made aware of adoptions that have failed, or adoptions that are devastating to both the parent and the child.

It really isn't uncommon to hear about. And frankly, that is so very sad. :(
Since I wrote those last 2 posts, we have adopted THROUGH DISRUPTION once again.  We prayed when we got the call that the Lord would either open the door wide, or slam it shut. We do not want what HE doesn't want.  And unexpectedly, after we thought the door was shut, it swung WIDE OPEN.
We stepped in once again, and have not looked back.

Our sweet Alli is the oldest child we have ever adopted. She is 11.  She was disrupted twice.   Sarah was just 5.  She barely remembers what happened anymore, because she was so young.  But Alli.... sweet Alli, remembers. And those memories come with feelings.  They come with feelings of total and complete rejection.  Some people say that children who are considered RAD, won't care who they live with, because they don't attach.
I disagree.
Alli CARES.  She was very confused by the decisions made before us. She was told one thing, and another thing happened. She didn't connect her behavior to being sent away. Why? Because she is a child.... and SHE IS THE ONE WHO WAS ABANDONED AND HURT IN THE FIRST PLACE!

She didn't connect that FOREVER love was CONDITIONAL.  She really didn't.  And she RIGHTLY didn't connect it!  Forever is SUPPOSED to mean FOREVER! 

The other day, she had a hard day.  And in the end, she was scared that we were going to boot her out. She broken heartedly said, "I'm really trying... do you know how hard it is to change?"
"YES, dear, I DO know..... I do"...."And I also know the one who can help." :)  As we sat and snuggled she poured her heart out, and her fears out.... this was an act of TRUST.  I am so thankful for those times.
I cannot say, "forever family" to her. She doesn't receive it.  I can only say, "I will NEVER, EVER, EVER, EVER, EVER, EVER give up...EVER!"  and neither can you. :) and then we talk tools. :)

I read the other day where disruption was similar to divorce.  I may have said that myself before.... but I don't believe that to be true anymore.  Legally, it is divorcing your child, but it is vastly different than divorcing a spouse.
Disruption between two adults can be devastating.  There is nobody who walks away unscathed as a consenting, agreeing adult.  An adult makes a choice and has a choice. They move on with their life, and they are in control of their own destiny.
But with a Child..... the child has no rights, no decision, no voice... no representation to hear "their side of the story"; NOTHING.  They don't even get to keep their name.  Disruption is not friendly.
It is ugly and painful. The child is labeled without cross examination, without defense.  RAD, ODD, FASD, PTSD, DEFIANT, REBELLIOUS..... and the list goes on.  Nobody mentions hurt, rejected, scared, loving, tender, sweet, kind.....

And on the other side.... there is a reason for disruption.  If things are so bad, that nobody is functioning.... if the family is terminally broken.... then disruption may be the best thing for parent and child.  If a parent gives up, the relationship will go nowhere.  If the leader ceases to lead and there is no direction, that would be devastating.
THAT DOES NOT mean disruption is ok.

I was thinking the other day when somebody asked, "But don't you believe that God brought your children to you? "  That is a very good question. YES! I do!
I also believe that Christ coming to bring Salvation to a fallen world was NOT plan B! It was plan A!
But that doesn't take away the guilt of Adam. God knew he would transgress.  He was still guilty.

Why am I writing this?
I am writing it because if I can persuade ONE family, to prepare themselves, to educate themselves, to  be ready to dig into the trenches of LOVE, NOT BATTLE FOR CONTROL,  BEFORE they bring home their child.... then just maybe another child won't be hurt, or damaged further by a dysfunctional relationship.
I am writing this because there is HOPE for the hurting child and family.
I am writing because our ALLI is FLOURISHING... and we just aren't that special. :)
I am writing this because I know of another child who has anguished over rejection.
I am writing this because there are OTHER ways.
I am writing this because we as a society are a throwaway society.
We give up....way too easily....
I am writing this because NO PARENT is perfectly good and the child perfectly bad!
I am writing this because disruption is becoming MORE common, and it is being BLAMED
on the child.

Yes, I am being passionate. YES!  Because if a family keeps on doing  what ISN'T working, how will things change???
If God has called you to adopt, then do it. But don't question it when things are hard. God doesn't bring things into our lives for easy street.  He may call us to walk a difficult path. WALK IT.

I think of my sweet Mom, Dabba,  who is 91 years old. She has been such an example to me in my life.  Her daughter was born with Schizophrenia.  She was her first born, and it was back in the day when the understanding of mental illness was really somewhere in the dark ages.  Dabba NEVER EVER gave up on her daughter. They went through a LOT together and I loved my sister in law Aunt Lee Lee.   She suffered from mental illness her entire life, but had the unconditional love of her family through it all.  I remember one Christmas Eve having to take her to a psyschiatric unit once again, because her life was so controlled by mental illness.
I cannot help but wonder.... Had Aunt Lee Lee  been adopted, would her family have stuck by her? Would they have loved her like we loved her? Would their love have been conditional? Would they have sent her away?  Aunt Lee Lee is no longer with us. But my memories of her are fond, in spite of her mental illness. 
I am SO THANKFUL that my DABBA taught me so much about unconditional, sacrificial love.
I will LOVE her FOREVER for her impact on my life.  She taught me to look beyond the hurt and see the good. She taught me to love, and when it hurt, to LOVE MORE.  

Remeber, your children have had years of trauma BEFORE you met them.  And YES, foster care, orphanages, EVEN "good ones" whatever they are, divorce, death of a parent, abuse, SEPARATION FROM A BIRTH MOTHER, coming to a NEW country and NEGLECT are ALL forms of TRAUMA. Don't expect them to be miraculously transformed overnight.  They didn't get to where they are in one day. Healing takes time.
I actually feel like we are on a miraculous speed with Miss Alli.   She really is doing amazingly well. And she is the REAL DEAL!  Somebody actually said that we should "watch out" because these kids can fool you."   UGH!
And they wonder WHY kids don't trust!
Yes, we have days that are stressful. Alli is right.... It IS hard sometimes.  And I am not perfect either.   I ask for forgiveness all the time. :)

I tell you... I LOVE this little girl.  She is mine through and through.  She is our SWEET ALLI!
And Anna is our Sweet Anna! And Erika is our Sweet Erika! And Sarah is our Sweet Sarah! :)
Oh yes they are!

In Honor of Dabba

This is Leesia.

Our mom turned 90 yesterday!!!!!  WOW! Isn't that great!  She has been a huge advocate for adoption, for caring for the poor, widowed and orphaned for most of her life.  On a nurses salary, after her husband had died in a tragic accident, she raised her 6 children, and also managed to donate nearly all of her money to Charity.  She even went over and lived in Israel after she retired and worked in a Special Needs Orphanage.  She has supported countless children through World Vision International and even helped start an orphanage for Special Needs boys in India.  She collected food and medicine to send to Africa.

She has LIVED James 1:27.  I love her so very much, and am sad that we are separated by such a long distance, but there is not a day that goes by that I don't thank the Lord for her being in my life.

In her honor, we have donated to Reece's Rainbow Angel Tree Project.  And now, one more little girl, Leesia, will have support, and possibly find a family.

Aunt Dabba

I cannot seem to convince the girls that Dabba is their gramma and not their Aunt.
She is always affectionately referred to as Aunt Dabba. :)

The girls have never met Dabba, but feel that they know her. She often sends them sweet little notes. During the Election she told them all the presidents she had lived under over the years.

Today, the girls received Valentines from Dabba so they can send them.
Sarah got busy filling one out to "Aunt Dabba". She said, "I'm going to write her a letter too!" "What color is her hair?"

I answered, "Her hair is gray now."

She said, "Is she old?"

I said Yes she is.

Sarah then said, "Well, if I write her a letter will she die before she gets it out of the mail box?" LOL

(I was thinking, she might die from shock as I was supposed to send her some artwork a few months ago) LOL

So my answer was, "No, I'm sure she'll be alive when the mail comes."

I just love the way little kids think. :)

They LOVE AUNT DABBA! I LOVE HER TOO. :)

(If you want to see a beautiful picture of Dabba, just click on the Dabba label in the side bar)

I still haven't figured out how to do links.
(something I plan to do before I die.)

DON'T FORGET TO TUNE IN ON.... AND

AMERICA'S FUNNIEST HOME VIDEOS tomorrow night November 2nd at 6:00 central time. Marcus and Ivy are finalists with their Missed Kiss wedding video clip. :)

It is also DABBA's BIRTHDAY! YEA! She has made it to 88! And she is BEAUTIFUL! I can't wait to get a new picture! Hint. Hint...... :)

My Dabba


This is Dabba and Joe last year.

I just wanted to share a few things about my Dabba. I have not physically seen Dabba since the boys were much younger. She came to Dallas one last time to visit, and we had a WONDERFUL time. She met Mike for the first time and accepted him with open arms.
After that, she went on to Israel and lived in Jerusalem taking care of handicapped children in an orphanage and working at Bridges for Peace. She survived the first Gulf War when Saddam Hussein was sending Scud Missiles into Israel. She said, "we would have to carry all the children down to the shelter, by the time we got down there the all clear siren would go off, we would get them all back to bed and then before we knew it, the siren would go off again and we would repeat the entire process." This is a woman who had suffered a broken hip a few years before. But she LOVED every minute of it. Ok, not the bomb shelters, but she loved what she was doing.
During a time of relative peace, right before the Infantada, our son Chuck went to visit Dabba in Israel. He was 15 and what a trip he had. I don't think he will ever forget that experience.

Dabba and I share funny stories of life from long ago and we share the ones of today.
Some of our funniest stories seem to stem from Aunt Lee Lee and Joseph. I do remember when Dabba broke her hip, we didn't know it was broken yet. I had to go to work and she was caring for the boys. It was a Saturday and she was resting a very sore hip. Apparently she was dozing in the recliner and Joseph had moved in to stare at her rather closely. His breathing startled her and she startled him when she opened her eyes with his eyes meeting hers. I believe there were screams from both parties. I'm not describing it too well, but let's just say, 5 year old Joseph for some reason thought she was laying awfully still so she must have passed away. :) LOL
To his shock, she was alive! I think he was abit relieved too.

I have so very much missed having Dabba close by. I love her deeply and miss her.
I am ever so thankful that she has email and a computer. We are so blessed to be able to communicate this way. I don't know many 88 year olds who get on computers. She is a "Happenin' Woman!"

Joe and Becca were able to visit her in Idaho with Sam not too long ago and I truly hope the other boys are able to see her soon. I know she is not able to travel anymore.

I am so thankful for her being a wonderful Gramma in the life of our boys through a very difficult situation, and now she is truly a gramma to our girlies. She has never met them in person but she keeps up with everything they are doing and I know she loves them.

Dabba was widowed at a young age with 6 children. She has LIVED Christ ever since she met him at the age of 44. She started Family Mission with her Secretary's salary and has done more for the hungry, the homeless, the orphan, the widow, the down trodden, the mentally ill, the wounded, than any one person I have ever personally known.
She paid to have an orphanage started for the handicapped in Timothy's name when he was little. She supported World Vision and they knew her well. I still have vivid memories of the pictures of orphans and children who needed food she supported, and I remember her famous map with all the little pins in it. Those pins represented children, orphans, orphanages, etc. of places she was helping with. This didn't include the immense giving and help she was for her own children. She even took a second job at McDonalds on Saturdays and a 3rd one working in a church Nursery on Sundays.
If I'm making her sound amazing. I'm not touching the surface of what she means to me personally.
I have never had anybody make more of an impact on my life than her. We have laughed together, cried together, resided together, prayed together, taken care of kids together and lived life to the fullest together in the midst of awful circumstances.
I am forever greatful to her and not worthy of her love and devotion.

BUT to her I am forever thankful, forever greatful, forever in love with a person I am proud to call my mom.

I love you Mom!
Happy 88th Birthday! :)