What WAS Normal VS. What IS Normal and Language Comprehension

When parenting traumatized children, one thing goes out the window..... NORMAL....Whatever that is. :)
I posted yesterday about STAGES, and how our children can be 18 months old emotionally, physically 8, or 10, or older, have the street smarts of 21 and the understanding of 5.... and we have to know where they are and what age they are operating in, in order to parent them.  It is a HUGE requirement to be IN TUNE with your child in order to parent them according to where they are at any given moment.

Just as it would not be fair to expect a 2 year old to act 12. It isn't fair to expect a 12 year old with 2 year old emotions to act 12.  You MUST parent him at 2.

This sounds strange I KNOW.... It sounds like coddling, or giving in... but it VERY MUCH IS NOT! In fact, it is a requirement in order for your child to heal and move into wholeness.

It is a commonly known understanding that where ever trauma happened, many children will get STUCK at that point and be unable to move ahead, until they are parented at the age the trauma happened.
I remember very VIVIDLY, when I was in the 8th grade, a girl who was new to my school. She came at an odd time in the middle of the year, and was seated next to me.  She giggled uncontrollably, but I sensed she was more embarrassed.  She had no idea how to converse and was VERY awkward socially. She was a foster child.
In Art Class, we had to draw, and I remember her drawing. She drew about like a 3 year old.
I was no artist at all, but I remember her nervously trying to draw what the teacher asked, and it stuck with me.  This is the first time I have ever written about this.... BUT I have come to understand what may have been going on all those years ago in 8th grade and it hurts to think what happened to her.
Is she homeless? Did she make it?  She seemed so very damaged. :(  

A child who is in the midst of trauma, or has had severe trauma, has a very difficult time learning.  They may be smart.... but they cannot use the part of their brain they need to function educationally, because their emotions are over riding and dominating the thinking part of their brain.  I know this isn't very scientific, as I am not a scientist, but it is my observation and experience.

I would liken it to nearly getting into a fatal car accident and then trying to do algebra.  It AIN'T Gonna happen!  Try remembering your social security number and doctor's phone number when you are in a panic! There is a REASON they created 911.... people cannot think when they are in trauma.
Why do we expect our kids to?

Our children come to us with THEIR version of NORMAL, which is very much upheavel. They do not know what a loving family is. Many times they don't understand the concept of a family at all!  They are taking care of #1 and that is it!  They need no one, though they like the concept of a mama and daddy.... they don't understand the roles....
We PATIENTLY have to introduce them to the NEW NORMAL....
Sometimes, they will LONG for the old comfortable way things were.  It makes no sense to those who don't deal with trauma, but for a child who's brain has been trained to function in dysfunction, they can crave it, and will try to RECREATE it!
As a therapeutic parent....YOUR job is to REWIRE their little brain and write the NEW NORM on their heart.

I remember when Anna was little... we would get in the car and she would take the seat belt into her hands and yell, "WHY DON'T YOU JUST HIT ME!"  She needed the adrenalin rush that she was so used to.  Instead, I rocked her.  I sang to her and it made her MAD sometimes..... She was trying to fulfill all the familiar in a sort of odd way.  Familiar is comfortable....even if you don't like it!
That is what she was doing...Trying to make the familiar happen, because the NEW norm was very scary.
With Alli, we are having some of the same things happen.... She is working through stages of healing, but also sometimes tries to recreate chaos.  She doesn't know or understand why.   Poor baby.
It was her norm for so very long that she knew nothing else.

Today we had a great talk about words and how important they are.  She SO LACKS understanding in English.  She is SO SMART, and speaks English well.... She just doesn't understand it.
I know it sounds weird, but we went through the same thing with Sarah.

Speaking comes BEFORE comprehension.  Sarah spoke perfect Texan...but didn't know or understand MANY words. This made her original family think she was manipulative and rebellious and she wasn't.
In Alli's case I suspect the very same thing.... but she is older, and carries many burdens from her first families accusations.   She was declared RAD, ODD, and a number of other things....and it was assumed by some counselor that she knew exactly what she was doing because she spoke English so well.:( 
FRANKLY! There has GOT to be more professional training in this area!
If I went to Russia, and spoke Russian for 2 years, I SERIOUSLY DOUBT I could carry on a deep conversation with ANYBODY! Why do we expect this of our kids?  It is just like you hear people say, "Ah, kids are resiliant".....UGH..... KIDS HURT JUST LIKE ADULTS! They are people!

Alli and I talked today about working extra hard on vocabulary and understanding. Much of her frustrations come from not being able to say what is in her head.  The problem is SHE HAS NO LANGUAGE  IN WHICH  TO SPEAK her more complex thoughts.  FOLKS that can be frustrating!
I would equate it to the frustration of an altimer's patient who gets upset when they cannot communicate!
 She told me today that I was the first person who understood why she would get upset and say never mind.   That really makes me sad. :(
Alli is on her 3rd language, none of which have been mastered. :(
Yet to hear her speak, you wouldn't have a clue. 
I think I am going to get a fun vocabulary workbook for her and for Erika for the summer.  That way they can continue to work on English comprehension.

Alli had a really great day today and really got into celebrating Sarah's Birthday.... I was really proud of her!

I know this post was all over the place. :)  Sorry about that.

An Opportunity

Today I had an opportunity to talk with Miss Alli about something and see how she responded or reacted.... I am THRILLED to report she responded so very well.....

My friend had called, and it was an important call. As we were talking about a very specific situation, 2 of the girls came running to me to tell me Alli was weeping in the closet.

I told my friend. "I'm sorry, I HAVE to go now, I'll call you back." And then, I ran to the closet.
At that, Miss Alli jumped out and started laughing.... she was just kidding. :)
She had no intent or malice, she  was just being a little girl.....

I asked her if I could hold her, and I then told her, "Mommy was talking to a friend about something very important, but YOU are WAY more important than any phone call, so I hung up to come and comfort you.... but you were kidding.
I really needed to talk to my friend, because they needed me.....so I am going to call them back.... but I need you to not pretend you are crying as a joke, because it isn't honest. Ok?

With that, she burst into tears and said, "I am sooo sorry mommy!"  "I didn't know!"

So we rocked and rocked and I comforted the real tears, and genuine repentance came from her. Poor baby.  I told her, "I am not upset at all, of course you didn't know... I'm just trying to help you TO know, that Mommy LOVES you so VERY much, and if you are sad, I will ALWAYS come to comfort you! We snuggled for a while, and then she had this big smile! :)
Love that little Noelle!

And BTW- Erika is the BEST OLDEST SISTER! She has taken little Alli under her wings and is just so good and sweet to her. :)

God Answers Our Prayers According To HIS Will

I have been reflecting on the last 3 weeks..... (it will be 3 weeks on Tuesday since we got the Call for Alli) But the truth is, we got the "Call" for Alli last November. We felt then, that it was part of God's plan for her to join our family, and then things went up, down and around and around until I didn't know which end was up.  In the end, we decided that the Lord knew, and it was not for us to know, but to rest in Him.  It didn't make sense, then, but it does now. That is always how it is.

One of our first conversations together, Alli and I discussed God's plan.  This is a new concept for her.... and as I told her we had been praying for her all along, she listened intently.  She then said, "I prayed that I wouldn't have to leave my horse, but God didn't answer my prayer."
My heart broke for her. I wouldn't want to leave my horse either! "Why didn't God answer MY prayer?"

I hugged her for a few minutes and then told her about Tim, our son who has Cerebral Palsy.
I explained what happened to Tim when he was a baby, and explained what CP was, and then told her that I prayed to the Lord every single day that God would heal him, and He didn't! Instead He chose to leave our Tim with Cerebral Palsy. He chose for me to be the mama of a special needs child who would not walk for a very long time.
Back then, I didn't understand WHY God would say no.  But I understand perfectly NOW. I understand how it fit into His plan!  I understand how God knew what was best for Me and for Tim, and I am THANKFUL for the lessons learned in life, while raising our sweet son.

I went on to explain to Alli..... God DID answer your prayer. He said no, just like he said no to mama 30 years ago....and I am glad He did!  But He didn't say NO, you can't have a horse. He said, No, I have something MUCH BETTER for you.  God sees what is best for us even if it might hurt in the short term. I let her know that I believe with my WHOLE HEART that she was meant to be in our family... and she is VERY special.  Right now, you may not understand that, but you will in time! YOU WILL! Just like Mama does now....
She has embraced the idea, that she is a big part of God's plan, and she is actually excited about it.....
Who knows, someday, we may have a horse! :)

A REAL Conversation

 An alternative title could have been: Salvaging a BCLC moment. :)  When a mom blows it!

As much of the nation is cold, so is Texas.  In fact, it is about 18 degrees outside.  Everything is frozen.
We knew it was coming, and I asked the girls to make sure the animal's bedding was changed, their sleeping areas clean, and to get prepared for a long week.
Anna takes care of the goats. Sarah takes care of the chickens.

We have had some difficulty with understanding the importance of doing things right and timely, AND how important it is for the chickens and eggs.  I SHOULD have checked on Sarah's work as she is still not fully understanding her job .

Sarah doesn't care for taking care of the chickens, but it is her job right now.  So, while the weather was in the 70's, I requested the above get done, so that all would be warm and secure.

Well, today, after she went out to fetch the eggs, several were FROZEN and cracked, meaning she didn't pick them up yesterday, and they had poop on them, meaning the bedding wasn't clean.

I had also told her this a.m. to be sure to open just the little door so the chickens could go in and out, but wouldn't get too cold.

SO.... I went out to investigate. I found that the coop had not been cleaned as requested. I found that the bedding was not fresh, just a little on the floor.  I was not happy.  I WAS NOT HAPPY!
And I was especailly NOT HAPPY that the chickens had been let out and both doors were closed so they couldn't get back in!
Now I was MAD!

So, I took care of the immediate problem so the chickens had enough warmth, and then worked my way back in the house .  It is very icy outside and dangerous to walk around.  I don't want her out there carrying arm loads of hay, so I did it.

When I came in I asked to talk with her. I let her know I was not pleased that she didn't do what she was supposed to, and said, there is no new hay in the coop, the eggs were not picked up, the chickens are locked out and the coop has not been cleaned! WHY?
Her instant reaction was anger.  She tried to defend herself. "I DID put hay in the coop!"  Then me:
"There is NO WAY you put hay in the coop!"  and her countenance fell.  I could see this was not going to be good, and honestly, I came in the house, freezing, glasses fogged up, covered in hay, and probably looked rather foreboding. :)

 Actually, I look abit like a terrorist! LOL

So, what do I do?  I say, "NO COMPUTER!"  duh... like that had anything to do with anything.


I shot up a quick prayer and took a deep breath. And the scripture in Proverbs popped into my mind:
"A Soft Answer Turns Away Wrath".....
I had not been tender or soft in my delivery.

And then, I asked Sarah to write down what happened and how she saw things.  The following is our correspondence, word for word. (we wrote notes to each other)

Sarah:
First, I don't like eggs! (this is what I really think)
And I think I should be able to write this.  I don't think it is fair that you don't let me talk.
And I'm sure you don't care, like you said yesterday. Now yesterday I got hay! NOT a HANDFUL!
I didn't clean the poop because I didn't want to. I'm sorry, I'm not taking care of the chickens right.
Maybe someone else should do it.
Love,
Mad Sarah
P.S.-  I really did put hay in there, but you won't believe me! PLUS: I opened the big door (I didn't put in in the hook because I was oing to open the small door and close the big door, BUT I FORGOT!) ugg!!!!!
P.S.S.- I'm glad I wrote this on paper, because I would have been to scared to say this.

Me:
I'm glad you wrote it too. :)
I don't want you to be scared, but I DO want you to be respectful. When you interrupt and huff and cross your arms, and act mad when I am speaking, that makes me feel MAD!
I am sorry I raised my voice at you, BUT....
I am not sorry to point out where correction is needed.
1. We need to pray for a heart change.
2. You need to take responsibility for what you have been given.
3. Eggs are a good thing. They are used in many things you like, including cheese cake and cookies!
4. Responsibility is not about liking or not liking eggs. I don't like laundry. :)
5. Can we talk now? :)

Sarah:
I'd like hot chocolate. (You don't have to get it)
I'm shakey, but not cold. Well, you were saying all these things that weren't true.
I'm sure you would get mad if a person was saying all these untrue things about you.
Can I pray in my heart? If I pray out loud, I don't think I'd really mean it. I would smile if we
talked right now and you'd probably give me a look.
P.S.- I DON'T WANT TO DO SCHOOL! WHAAAAA!!!!!!!!

Me:
I don't mind if you smile, You do that when you are upset, I know that.
What did I say that was untrue?

Sarah:
That I put a handful of hay in teh coop. I didn't. Then you said I didn't forget, I did!
P.S.- Thanks for the hot chocolate. What do you want to talk about?

Me:
What we are talking about now, and other stuff.
How much Hay did you put in?

Sarah:
Uhh Ohh! What other stuff? I put in an armful.

Me:
Your armful is my handful.
Responsibility nad being respectful to each other.

Sarah:
No, the chicken move it around with their feet to look for food and I'm sure the wind blows the hay too! Uh oh again!

Me:
Are you saying you don't want to talk to me? WAAAHHHH! :)

Sarah:
No, but maybe I don't want to talk about R and R.

Me:
She says disrespectfully.

Sarah:
LOL! :)


 I appreciate Sarah's honesty. I appreciate when she gets calm, she can receive the instruction that she so needed today.  I also appreciate that she let me see where I had done some things wrong too.

And then, we drank our hot cocoa and talked. Really talked. :)
And then we came up with a solution.
And yes, she is still responsible for chickens, and yes I apologized for not listening better and she apologized for not doing her job.
And yes, she cannot do computer until chores are done properly first.
And yes, I do have this look..... glasses down, over the nose..... all 7 of them are used to seeing "the look". :)

I love my Sarah..... we are both back to norm, and she has a new outlook on taking care of the chickens and being responsible.  She understands that making excuses does not work..... if something isn't done, it isn't done, and if she needs help, she can ask.

I reinforced what I already in my heart know to be true.  How I handle something can make things go very simply, or complicate them.  Instead of dealing head on with the issue, in a tender and gentle way, I bulldozed through it.... that is never a good idea. I know I respond much better to loving instruction than accusation without complete fact.  duh

Brought to you today by Mama and Sarah!
signing off! :)

Another BCLC Moment Courtesy of Our Kids :)

This was written with permission from our unnamed sweetie. :)


This flower is very significant. It represents forgiveness and unconditional sisterly love. :)
We had a really fun weekend, too fun. It has also been a while since we have had any sort of melt down, or near melt down, so we were due. :)

A few things that took place this weekend were going to the lake, visiting with friends,going to worship, meeting our new Grand Sons, the Foster Care program, going to see the Movie "Marmaduke" which was rather cute, and the changing of the room. (that happened a little earlier in the week)

I had noticed a child who will remain nameless was a little more "clingy" than normal.
Even in the theater, she wanted to snuggle while she enjoyed the movie. She had also made some claims that I knew were most likely untrue, about some successes accomplished at the Lake, but couldn't prove it, so I didn't say anything. (regarding how far she would walk on a beam)

When we got home last night, it was a little late, and there were a few things to do before bedtime. We had to collect the eggs, make sure Wally was fed and put away in his pen, and make sure the chicken doors were shut to keep them safe from predators.

Sarah is afraid to go out in the dark alone; a fear I totally understand. I had that fear for a long time. So, while Erika was busy getting things ready inside, I volunteered our unnamed child for the job.
"Unnamed can go out with you and then you won't be afraid."

That sent her over the edge. "Mom, you didn't even ask me! You just ASSUMED I'd do it! I don't want to do it!"
I was not pleased, as we should all be willing to serve each other with humble hearts, considering each other more important.

BUT, I did not serve. I just said that our unnamed child would! So, I sat by her and said, "You are right. I didn't ask and I'm sorry. Will you help your sister?" She said she would.

So out they went, and then Sarah came in sobbing. Sarah doesn't cry easily so I figured something was dead. No, she was upset because somebody who will not be named called the chickens "dumb and the eggs dumb". "Why do I have to get the dumb eggs and put away the dumb chickens!" This crushed Sarah, because she loves the chickens. It also shocked her, because Anna loves them too.

So we comforted Sarah and sent her off to bed with Erika. And then it was time to deal with our unnamed child. :)

She was sitting on the couch sulking. It reminded me of what she was like all the time a few years ago. In my heart, I was mad, sad and disappointed all at the same time, yet I felt compassion for her. I was trying to think about what could be bothering her.
We had an incident at the lake recently, that I had yet to figure out..... and then,
it came pouring out of her.
"I'm nothing but a problem child!" WHAT? I was a little surprised. Why would you say that? It's true, that is what others think of me.

So, I dug a little deeper, and it appears she had been harboring a comment made to her by somebody who was mad at her. Words hurt. And children who have burdens or wounds that are not fully healed and take hurtful words right back into that wound and cause a major infection! I have no doubt that the person who said this had been offended in some way.....but words to this effect are not helpful. They are hurtful.

She began to sob as I began to talk with her about truth. The truth is "We are ALL problem children!" "We are all sinners and sinners sin." But our heavenly father sees and knows and loves us and wants to help us." We all have the same problem, including the one who said you were a problem child. :) That is the truth!

She began to sob more, but her sobbing and quivering lips were those of letting go of sorrow and past hurt. Another layer taken away.
As we were talking, I could see the memories of foster care,( our new grandsons are in foster care) adoption,( a boy our children had in foster care had been adopted over the weekend and he excitedly called to tell us) The move to a new room (packing boxes and suit cases) and then me not giving her a choice in how I told her to do something....(I was being bossy), the incident at the lake with the person who called her a problem child, and our neighbor who is rather cantankerous at 85, yelled at the girls on Saturday, all came to the perfect storm.

But I see that storm as a good thing. All those wounds she was holding inside came out, and we were able to deal with them. They started out as hurtful words of "I don't need a family".... and ended 15 minutes later with " hold me, I do need a family, will you stay with me tonight?"

I told her the very first thing.... "YOU DESERVE TO HAVE FUN! YOU DESERVE A FAMILY!"
She wept, no I don't, I'm a problem. NO YOU ARE NOT! YOU ARE PRECIOUS, YOU ARE LOVELY< YOU ARE SWEET< YOU ARE KIND< YOU ARE! I believe in speaking life into our children. I believe we can speak truth into them. All of this is wrapped into the gospel of Christ. "You were dead in your trespasses and sins, but now you are ALIVE! And when you find you are not being those things, seek the Lord. HE WILL HELP YOU IN TIME OF DESPERATE NEED!"

We prayed together, and we reassured her of our love for her. We reassured her that she is no longer alone, and she is safe. We talked about the path of life and the choices we make. I let her know, we LOVE YOU FOREVER, but you must choose the path of love too. And in order to walk that path, you must also choose the path of forgiveness. Do not harbor anger, bitterness, unforgiveness in your heart. Those things will destroy you. God can use your hurts to make you strong, they don't have to destroy you!

Before she went to bed, she asked, "Mama, do you need me to go and get the eggs?" I told her no, they could wait until morning. She went to bed with a peaceful heart and woke up this a.m. our happy girl.

This morning, I was so thankful that Sarah, brought in a flower for Me and for our unnamed sweetie, after letting her chickens out. She has learned to keep short accounts. :) Keeping Short accounts is VERY important when dealing with troubles or offenses against us. (I need to remember this with our grouchy neighbor) We do not have time to harbor resentments or anger. Forgive, and move on. Each day is a new day. Each moment a new moment. Is that not what our Heavenly Father does for us? He is patient and kind. He instructs and corrects, and leads and guides. We fail, and He picks us right back up and keeps us moving into Life.
Love is patient, love is kind, Love Hopes All things, Endures All things, Love Never Fails.

Resting

One of my favorite modern hymns was written by the Gettys. "When Trials Come".

When Trials Come

When trials come no longer fear
For in the pain our God draws near
To fire a faith worth more than gold
And there His faithfulness is told
And there His faithfulness is told

Within the night I know Your peace
The breath of God brings strength to me
And new each morning mercy flows
As treasures of the darkness grow
As treasures of the darkness grow

I turn to Wisdom not my own
For every battle You have known
My confidence will rest in You
Your love endures Your ways are good
Your love endures Your ways are good

When I am weary with the cost
I see the triumph of the cross
So in it’s shadow I shall run
Till You complete the work begun
Till You complete the work begun

One day all things will be made new
I’ll see the hope You called me to
And in your kingdom paved with gold
I’ll praise your faithfulness of old
I’ll praise your faithfulness of old
Keith and Krystin Getty

God's plan in our pain is more than we can comprehend or understand. I cannot imagine life without an eternal mindset. God takes our broken lives and makes sense out of them.

I want the Breath of God to give me strength.
I want my faith to be gold.
I want HIS mercy and for Him to draw close to me.
I want His wisdom.

And in having those things, I will have HIS rest.

We're Gonna Be Grandparents Again!

This is what Sam's little sibling looks like at 8 weeks.... :)
According to Sam, the baby is very small and growing slowly in Mommy's tummy! :)
Our children that live in Maryland, are expecting a new bundle of joy, and I am so thrilled for them.
Sam has been a temendous blessing to everybody he meets, and I just know this new little baby will also be a blessing.
We don't know if it is a boy or a girl right now, so for now, we will refer to this one as "Baby Grape"..... :)
I am always amazed, that by the time you find out you are pregnant, the baby already has formed arms and legs, a beating heart with it's own circulatory system.
This baby already has a personality, and features, and a soul. WOW.... that always amazes me.

King David in the book of Psalms 139:13 "You formed my inward parts" "You wove me in my mother's womb" Psalms 139:14 "I am fearfully and wonderfully made, my soul knows it very well. "

God doesn't make mistakes... EVER.... in his wisdom, love and compassion, He gives us what is best. Sometimes, that is an imperfect body. Sometimes it is a handicap, sometimes it is a special gift.... in all cases, each person, in personal worship, in total dependence upon the ONE AND ONLY, the King of Kings and Lord of Lords, brings GLORY to GOD which is our highest purpose.
God knows us, very well. He knows what we need, and he knows what our parents need. Romans 8:28, says, "He causes ALL things, to work out for the good, for those who love him, and are called according to His purposes.

This little baby grape, can already, in his or her soul, bring glory to the Creator who has made him. As his inward parts are formed, as he is knit in Becca's womb, I pray that this little one will know that he is called to please the Lord and Bring Glory to Him.

I am excited for this future little Minich.... and for his big brother and mom and dad too. :)

The Vulnerable Among Us

This subject has been weighing heavy on my heart, before the latest fiasco in Haiti came about, with the supposed "missionaries", taking advantage of a terrible situation.

Children are our most precious gift from the Lord. Children are not given to us by accident. No life, NOT ONE is ever a mistake.
Children are also totally vulnerable to those who have been entrusted with their care.

But there is another vulnerable group. We don't often look at them.
They are the parents. They are the frightened teenager who just found out she was pregnant.
They are the poor parent, as in Haiti, who's home has fallen down. They are the poor peasant in Russia who's life is hard, and they have little money. They are the parents who's child will be born with a disability.

There are many vulnerable times in the life time of a parent, where in the timing of a tragedy, or perceived tragedy, a coerced decision is made under pressure. Everybody knows, you shouldn't make a financial decision under pressure, with the smiling salesman wanting you to sign on the dotted line so you can drive home in a dream car.
The same should be for the parent who is pressured to make lifelong decisions, not only for their own life, but for the life of their child.

Why is it automatically assumed or accepted that a young mother, if she is single, should just give her baby away? In a perfect world, it is of course a best situation for a baby to have a mother and a father.... but we don't live in that world.
In a perfect world, it would also be nice to buy your baby designer clothes and make sure a swimming pool and horseback riding lessons were are on the future agenda, but for 99% of the world, that just isnt' the case.

So does that mean that 99% of the world, isn't fit to parent and only the richest that live among us should be allowed to raise children?

That seems to be the attitude of the "missionaries" who took children in Haiti. They actually approached parents who had children and told them that THEY would give them a better life, promising education, housing and even a swimming pool! (according to Wall St. Journal Article) Tragically, parents who were already
traumatized from the last couple of weeks, gave their children to this group, with the understanding they would probably never see them again. The children were sad and crying and didn't want to be away from their parents.
Could you imagine strangers coming up to your parents and doing this, and being handed over to a stranger to go to another country?

Children are not THINGS. They are connected to their parents. They LOVE their parents.
If these people were really "missionaries", why didn't they go to Haiti and offer to help the parents with food and shelter so that they could rebuild their lives? Why did they not preach the gospel to the parents?

What about the teenage mother? If she wants to keep her baby, which many DO; why do we not help the family? Why do we not help her to stay in school, finish her education and give her aide in taking care of her baby, until she can get on her own two feet? There are many wonderful young mothers who have raised their children well. Not every teenager who gets pregnant is a party queen. One such young lady I know of just got married to a wonderful man. Her daughter was in the wedding and was so excited to be getting a daddy.

I am bothered by the agencies who cater to richer couples who cannot have children, that seem to have a steady stream of young girls who give their babies for adoption. I saw a documentary on this, and I was apauled at the "counseling" given. It was more like a pressure session to convince a girl for 7 months that she would not be able to parent this baby and give the baby all it deserved, making her feel selfish for wanting to keep the baby.
It is NOT SELFISH to want to keep your own baby. It just isn't.
It would be selfish to not take care of your baby. But if you want to parent your own child, that is not a selfish act. It is a sacrificial act.

I am disheartened to find out that there are unscrupulous agencies working world wide to get parents to give children up for adoption, and this is really bothersome. We have enough REAL orphans in the world, without creating an "orphan industry".

How pompous of us to tell somebody they are selfish to keep their own baby if they are poor.
I was in that very position many years ago. My family stepped up and helped me through a very difficult period of time. But what if instead, somebody had told me I was selfish for keeping my children? How horrible to do to somebody!
Adoption is a WONDERFUL thing under the right conditions. Of course we have been blessed by adoption. But I would be horrified if I felt my girls had been sent to an orphanage out of coerscion.
And what about the guilt of the birth mother who is pressured to the breaking point? What about the child who has all the questions about why?
Adoption has more than one face. It is about LOSS AND GAIN. Because of somebody else's loss, we have gain, yet our children always have that loss in their history.

If we REALLY want to help families.... then help them stay intact FIRST.
Then the children who really need adoption services can be helped and we won't be creating a business built upon greed, heartache and disaster.

If You Could Rule The World

This was the writing assignment today....


Anna Said:

I would ask God for Wisdom on how to rule the world.
And I would bring every man and woman together, teach them
the English language and give them a bible.
And live happily ever after. :)


Sarah Said:

I would make us live at Hawiian Falls. All our friends and family would live there with us. Every thing was free. I would even make a restaurant. We would have a machine the would make legs and I would swim in them. We would have an imagination station and a world station. We could have a drink place. We would have a diner and a church. We would even have Dickey's BBQ! we could have art places to make our own stuff or give it to somebody else. We would definitely have a Libby Loo. We would have a money machine. We could make a wish each day. We would have a candy store, theater, tea-parties, zoos and I would make everyone H-A-P-P-Y~!

hmmm. I think Sarah is hungry. :)


Erika Said:

If I could rule the world, I would help children that are in orphanages,to get families that would love and care for them. I would help adults and children that are on the street to give them food, beds and love. I would help people that are poor and need stuff like what we have. Toilet paper, homes, love and care and money.
I had that dream once and it came true! But because of God not me. I want to become like God.I want to know his truth and be like him for what he did for me, which was give me a home, and love and care. I want to do for others.
Thank you Lord for giving me a family.