These Are a Few of My Favorite Things

Actually a couple. :)
When our parents were living, we would go and visit them, and there were two things in the hall that would be familiar, that meant we were home.  The grand children always looked forward to seeing the clock with the lady on the swing, and the little music box that played Silent night.

When we were cleaning out our parents house, after they were gone, those two things were there, and I decided that they would be good to keep them in the family; to keep them so that more generations of little Minichs could enjoy the lady on the swing and the music box that plays silent night.

To my delight, the grand children are starting to "notice" those when they come over. We wind the clock to let the lady swing up and down, and pull the silent night string.  I hope these bring them good memories of going to Ya-Ya's and Papou's  house when they are older.

For me, they bring good memories of our parents, whom we miss terribly.

Loss, Loss More Loss and Memories

We have had a lot of loss lately, and some very important members of our family are no longer with us. We also lost a good friend who worked at our shoppe for the last 2 and a half years, due to sudden death, and then, another important relationship that had been fostered over a period of several years soured.

Each of these events have been very difficult.

First, 3 years ago, Anna's foster father and Mike's brother died of treatment from Leukemia. We watched Anna closely and her responses were survival mode and then delayed reaction after the fact. Meaning that the initial shock brought a little reaction, the funeral and the family meetings afterwards were nervous, and then, there was a delayed reaction to grief at home. It was a couple of months before she really was able to grieve. Up until that point she was hypervigilant and protective of her feelings. She didn't want to talk about it!

Our gramma died a few months later. We had spent some time with her the year before.

Last year Grampa died, due to complications of cancer treatment, and once again, we all lost somebody who was very important in our family. Grampa was a wonderful grampa.
He spent loads of time with the girls and had been in Anna's life since she was 4.

A few months later, Gramma died. It was totally unexpected and again, she was somebody who was very big in our lives.

Anna's reactions to these deaths were much the same. Hypervigilance, protection of her feelings, then letting loose later.

Well, next, our friend, who has been at our home 6 days a week to work with Mike, for the last almost 3 years, died unexpectedly in his home over a weekend. We attended the funeral last week, and I was seeing a pattern emerge. Same reaction.....

And then finally, an older man that we have known for several years, and have been visiting on a regular basis, whom we thought we knew, showed that we didn't know him very well after all. He had been lying to us for years about some very important things and we had to tell our girls the truth. Very sad. :(

We have been trying to live our lives as normal as possible, but truly, it has been so very stressful.

So then, to brighten things up abit, and have some summer fun, we got this boat. Boats were HUGE in Anna's life because her foster family was big on water sports. She went swimming and boating several times a week!
When she first came home, she asked, "When are we going to take the boat out?"
When we told her we didn't have a boat, she looked at us with shock! "WE DON"T HAVE A BOAT???" LOL
No dear, we don't.

Mike has wanted to get a boat going for a long time, as he shares his brother's love for water sports. Well, the right time came and the boat was finally placed in the water over the weekend.

Anna remembered how to knee board after a few tries and seemed to have a good time.

Then, came today.

She woke up out of sorts. Dysregulated. Nothing in particular, I could just tell she wasn't herself. The grand girls are over visiting because they are moving away to Albuquerque on Thursday. More change.....

When we were in the van, she said, "I wish we didn't have a boat. I never want to go on the boat!"
I was shocked! Shouldn't have been, but I was. I said, "Well, I know you like the boat, and we'll have lots of fun on it."

She was silent.

In the afternoon, as the grand girls were putting some things away, there was no room on the closet floor because of some clothing that didn't belong there. I asked Anna, "Why are there clothes on the closet floor?" I already knew why.... just wanted to hear it from her. Her answer: "I can't answer that!"
What do you MEAN you can't answer that?
She repeated "I can't answer that!" But she didn't say it very nicely.

Things were not headed so well, so I took her into my room, and let her know I was not thrilled with her disrespect. She cried, and we eventually layed down on the bed together. I asked her about how she was feeling. It was just too much. She didn't know how she felt. She just knew she was wound up inside and frustrated.

So, we started a conversation about how things effect us. And how, when we hold in our feelings about memories or hurts or fears, they can all come out at the worst of times.
I know the boat brought back MANY, MANY memories of foster care, and she was right back there with the behaviors.

When I brought this up, she just cried.
So, I went out and talked to Mike, and just like we had to work through the Christmas Tree trauma, we will have to work though the boat trauma, re creating memories from THIS BOAT with THIS FAMILY....

I don't know why I never thought about all this stuff coming to a head. I do understand that there has been so much going on, none of us are at our best.
I wasn't as patient as I should have been and had to go and get myself regulated.

All these words are thoughts off the top of my head. So please forgive my ramble.

I was thinking about how 2 of our girls seem to just glide through all their past experiences, making up for lost time with pure joy.... A boat? COOL! Good Food? COOL! Loving Parents? Cool!

But Anna has a different makeup and set of experiences. Trauma seems to harm children in such a variety of ways. It can serve to make them stronger or it can serve to cause them continued distress IF they let it take hold of them. For some, it is a more difficult battle than for others.

The goal is to teach them ways to recognize they are in a negative feedback loop and how to get out of it, through self talk, deep breathing, praying, talking to mom, and many other ways.
We have been successful in learning how to talk yourself out of things, but she still requires me to let her know she needs to. :) She has not yet mastered the understanding of her own feelings to know that she needs to talk herself down. I strongly believe this will come with time. If I think about what I understood at 11, in my own life, which wasn't much at all, I am comforted that she will continue to grow in understanding, security, and inner strength.

When she tells me, "I don't know why I'm upset", I believe her. I don't think she does much of the time.
She didn't connect her thoughts of the past, with how she was feeling right now today.
She didn't know why she said she didn't like the boat, because she does, and she is thankful for it. (when she is regulated)

I have read that many times children from tumultuous backgrounds try to regulate themselves by recreating the tumult and then it is like a brain high, and after they have achieved a certain level, the brain begins to relax and they are regulated again.
It can be a cycle, but one that must be broken!
Over the last 6 years, we have worked on this, and if I look back, a day like today would have been the norm, not the exception. I am happy that MOST days, she stays regulated and happy.
SO when we have a day like today, it just reminds me, I need to be patient and understanding, even when I don't feel like it. And today, I really didn't feel like it. That makes me mad at myself.
I too need to remember to pray.... even throwing up an emergency prayer can make things better.
The Lord always comes through to give wisdom and love when I feel like I'm running on empty.
Lately, with all the loss, I have felt weary and tired and on the verge of tears all the time. Throw in some menopause, and all I can say is, "I'm so thankful for air conditioning!" :)

I don't really know if this post has a point, other than some kids deal with loss so differently. And kids with extreme trauma backgrounds will keep you on your toes and down on your knees, trying to figure them out.

I am so thankful for my husband who is always there being that rock that I need to discuss strategy with. :) What a true blessing he is .

It is also a fine line of understanding and expectation of towing the line with behaviors that are appropriate.

Anna fell asleep on my bed wrapped in a special blanket and holding her stuffed kitty.
When she woke up an hour later, she was calm, and came and sat down by me and said, "Mama, I'm really sorry." I told her, "I'm sorry too, and I forgive you."

We'll talk some more together later, but she is in a much better frame of mind right now, and I think we are all working through our grief in different ways.

And tomorrow, we are going back out on the boat!

I Miss Dad

I was looking at a "Look at this " post titled "Erika America".... I went back to see what it was, and in the comments, was our dad's comment. It was a proud comment about Erika being his grand daughter AND being beautiful. :)

It made me cry. I miss dad so much. But it is so cool to have these comments preserved here on the blog that I can share with the girls later on.

Dad died last November, but lives on in our memories and on this blog.

More Family pics

The Cousins
There is nothing like 2 2year olds running around. :)
Or in this case, enjoying Gumby! :)

Wrestling with Popoo


A tender moment with Anna and Daddy

Will's sweet face.

For Dad

The first time I met dad, he and mom were already living in Oklahoma. They had dropped kids off all over the nation as they moved around. The last 2 were still at home with Dad and mom.

I remember the drive up from Texas, being so nervous. It is always nerve- wracking meeting your new family, but even more so,when you come with 4 little boys. :) I was a whole package deal! What would he say? What would he think?

After a few minutes, my heart was relieved. He said, "Do you know how to play spades?"
"No, but I can learn. :)"
He said, "very good".....
and I learned.

After that, it was 20 years of discussion, interesting debate on everything from the Reformation to Politics, to the Ottoman Empire. Maybe politics wasn't so pleasant.:) But our most pleasurable conversations of all revolved around family and kids.

He LOVED kids. He gained energy from being around them. He loved the challenge and enjoyed the things they said. He laughed at all their jokes.

Mike said that when he was a kid, they would all pile in a van and drive to all sorts of places. They went to the lake to live during the summer and water sports were synonymous with Minich.
Mike said all 6 kids saw things like Niagara Falls, traveled to Michigan, the mountains, went camping, water skiing, visiting Aunt Judy and Aunt Noelle, and all the cousins, and many, many, places.
I remember so well, when we first became familiar with email, he and Joseph would write letters back and forth in poetry. It went on for weeks. And they were so clever together.

He taught the kids how to "snipe hunt".... unfortunately, he taught me how to snipe hunt too.
I got drawn in without even knowing it.

He was famous for his silly songs and camping songs and would love to introduce them to whoever would listen.

He and Bob took 2 of our guys on a 2 week camping trip to the 4 corners. They had a blast of a time and it was a REAL guy time, because the truth is, they came back wearing the same clothes and underwear they started out with. But before they came home, they stopped at a nice restaurant on a Sunday afternoon to have steak. My mind still cannot go there. =)

He took our youngest son Marcus and his cousin Tim to Arizona, and on the way, killed Bambi in the desert. That meant they to be towed into town, but he took it all in stride.

He was an amazing encourager and the biggest cheer leader for all of us. He always had something good to say.

It wasn't uncommon for him to call to find out what we were learning in History. We loved to talk about our history lessons. He said he had developed a new love for history and would read the same books.

He took the girls for a walk and they came back rather wet. He said, they sort of swam with the ducks. LOL

When we were in Ukraine, we called and he talked to Erika and sang with her on the phone.
She loved him the minute she felt his embrace. He made a musical slide show of Erika and sent it to us. I was so touched.

If I were to come up with a word for him, I think it would be accepting. He accepted everybody just as they were. He didn't have any preconceived expectations of anybody and enjoyed being with other people just because. You never felt that you had to impress him, or be anything, other than yourself. He made you feel comfortable in your own skin.

And I think that is what He was. Comfortable in his own skin.
He was happy just because. Not because life was easy or special or wonderful, but just because HE was happy, and his happiness was infectious.

Dad we are really going to miss you. You left HUGE boots for us to fill.
Thanks for being our dad.
Here is the slide show from the funeral.

Grampa and the Girls

This is Dad and Gramma, at her birthday party.
Goofing off with Sarah and Anna.
The first time he ever held Erika. She loved him at first sight. :)

In Memory of Our Dad

Our dear sweet dad slipped into eternity today, while we held his hands. It was such a priveledge to be there and and honor to touch his hands one last time and speak words of love to him before he died.
I will write more tomorrow. But this is how I want to remember Grampa. :)

Leaving to Visit Dad

I will be leaving first thing in the A.M. to go and spend some time with Dad. I want to be there, even if he doesn't know I'm there. Please pray for travel safety. Mike is going to stay behind with the girls.
Dad's blog site is here.

Some Very Bright News!

Dad is OFF of the ventilator. He will be having a swallow test tomorrow. He may be out of ICU sometime tomorrow! YEA DAD!!!!!

We LOVE you!

Some Brighter News

Our dad is showing improvement! He is still in ICU, and they may start to wean him from the respirator. Keep praying!

The girlies and I will be heading up to stay with Mom for a few days, and I hope to get a few visits in with Dad too.

Our Dad

Our dad, aka "Oakie Grandfather" is in intensive care at St. Francis Hospital in Tulsa Oklahoma.
He is VERY critical.
From what we understand, all cancer treatment has been stopped. He has pneumonia due to aspiration, (food and fluid getting into his lungs) and congestive heart failure. His diabetes, which showed up about 3 weeks ago is not being controlled very well. It spikes and goes dangerously low.

Right now, he is on a respirator, and feeding tube, and is in an induced coma, to help him rest and not be agitated by the respirator.

If you think of our precious dad today, please send up a prayer.
And while your at it, pray for our mom too. I'm sure she is scared.
Thanks

Favorite Ed Moments

I was just thinking about some of my favorite "Ed Moments".....
Ed is our Dad. I do not consider him my father in law, just my dad. :) He is THAT wonderful of a man. He has always accepted us and been supportive of us. I could not ask for a better father.

If you have a favorite "Ed" Story, PLEASE SHARE.... in comments. :)

I remember a few years ago, Ed and Lois were visiting for Christmas. For some strange reason, I THOUGHT he had been raised on a Farm in Michigan! He wasn't.

I was planning to kill 3 roosters for Christmas Dinner. He seemed all excited about that, and so I told him, "Come on, it s time to do it. " He followed me outside and watched me do the dirty deed, and remained rather silent.
It was time to "pluck" and it was at that time I realized, this guy had never had his hands on a dead chicken before! LOL
He was sort of plucking. During that moment, I asked, "Haven't you done this before?" He said NO! I started cracking up laughing. I don't know WHY I assumed he had done this many times before.
Well, after the plucking comes the really nasty part: Pulling out the innards!
He was sitting over on the couch and I was working away on 2 birds. There was one left. I said, "If you are going to tell your friends you dressed a bird, you need to get over here and pull out he guts!"
HE DID!
It was a great memory. :)

Our Dad

I'm up late tonight. My heart is full of love for our dad. I cannot stop thinking about him, and worrying about him. He is a most wonderful dad, and I long to hear his voice once again.
I long to hear him say, "Is that right?" He says that..... To hear his laugh, and to see his smile.

But tonight.... he isn't feeling well. He is so very tired. He is in the midst of Chemotherapy and Radiation therapy for brain cancer. Tonight, he is tired and frail, and is just not himself.

My heart is filled with compassion for our dad. I so wish that he did not have to be sick. I so wish that he was feeling strong and vibrant. I want to hear him say, "See you soon", or "How are those girls", or "What are you doin'?"
So tonight, I pray. Will you pray with me for our dad? He needs to feel the loving comfort of our Savior sweep over him and give him peaceful rest. He needs His healing touch, and soothing balm.
Love you dad......

Dad's Surgery

So far, all we have heard is that he is in recovery and as soon as they get him to ICU, Bob, Cindy and mother can go in and see him. The type of tumor removed was a glioma, which started in the brain and not from somewhere else.
We are so thankful for all of your prayers. I'll update as soon as I know more.

Also, you can check out Dad's blog in my sidebar. "Oakie Grandfather". Bob will be updating as news comes in. :)

Our Dad Ed

is the very best of dads. He is also the best of grampas. He has been having some issues with health, and this last one is a bit of a doozy. It appears there is something going on with his brain. There is always something going on with his brain, but this is not in his control. It seems that there is a growth effecting his speech and face. He is going to be having surgery next Wednesday to find out what it is.

Please keep him in your prayers.

And in true Ed form, he decided to join bloggy world to keep us all updated on what is happening. He always thinks of others before himself. Stop by and see it and leave an encouraging word. He will love it.

http://oakiegrandfather.blogspot.com/

I will proudly put Dad on my sidebar. :)

HAPPY FATHER'S DAY!

To all the men in our lives. :)

My father died when I was 30. I miss seeing what he would have been like if he had grown old. Somehow, I know he would have been kind and gentle. That is how I remember him. I could see him enjoying sitting on the front porch, swinging with the girls, and telling them stories about his farm when he was a boy, just like he told me. I am sad that they missed that from him.

My dad died at 54 years old. It is weird to think that I am almost his age.

Mike's dad is in his 70's, and as active as ever. Well maybe not as ever, I can't really picture him waterskiing anymore, but if he reads this he just might try it to prove me wrong. :)

Mike's dad has been grampa to all of our kids and he is a wonderful grampa.
He is my dad, and I love him so dearly.
The girlies ADORE him too.

Chuck is the daddy to two girls and one just turned 13! One will be 5 on Monday.
He is also a great dad. He loves his girls dearly.

Joseph is dad to Sam. Sam is just like his dad and adores him. I'm sure Joe adores Sam too. But my guess is Joe can't wait to have deep discussions with Sam when he is older and you just can't do that with a 2 year old. LOL Joe is a wonderful father.

Marcus is a dad, soon to be x's 2~! I have seen Marc with Will. He is a tender and gentle father. Will Adores Marc and Marc will. It is so evident in how they look at each other. Another little boy will be here next month. We can't wait to meet him. :)

Tim is a dad too. He has been dad to 4 children now, but none of them get to stay. Tim is a special foster dad. He and Em's are on a much needed vacation this week, so Happy Father's day to Tim too. :)

Whew! What a Weekend!

It started on Friday, with our sweet nephew Kevin marrying his childhood sweet heart Nikki. They are safely in Jamaica on their honeymoon today. I could kick myself a thousand times because I forgot my camera! But I'm sure I 'll get some pics forwarded to me.

Because we had family here from Oklahoma and Arizona, the girls got to go and visit with cousins Emily and Lindsey, and swim with Aunt Carla, Aunt Cindy and Uncle Bob.
Uncle Bob was a hit in the pool. Here is is with just 4 little girls. :)


Erika has learned to swim! Yea! If you had asked me 2 years ago, pessimistic mom would have said no way. She wears a life jacket in the pool. But this year she has been working very hard and I have noticed she is ready to try swimming without the jacket. Well, she did it! She took off! Aunt Carla was right there instructing her and making sure she was safe.



The girls love it when they can visit with gramma, grampa and cousins.




Tonight we went to our neighbor's house for a big celebration. Their son graduated from high school. There was a big bbq, more swimming, a live band..... and now,
we are tired. But tomorrow! LAKE. It is birthday week! :)

Our Dad and Grampa

Ed with Great Grandson Mr. Will.....
It is birthday time again. Ed's birthday is easy to remember because it is Tax day. :)

I wanted to make this post and dedicate it to our Dad, Grampa and Great Grampa.

Ed is one of the kindest, most giving people I have ever met. He is a loving father and grand father and tries very hard to be involved in an ever expanding family. It isn't easy having 6 grown children, married, loads of grand children, some married, and then even some great grand children. That doesn't even include cousins, sisters, friends and other family spread from Sea to Shining Sea.

I am so proud of him. He is never afraid to try something new, and he never lets age get in the way of desire. If he sets his mind to try something, he does it. Now I don't see him jumping from a plane any time soon, but who knows!

One thing I'd like to share about Ed is how much I truly appreciate his loving kindness and acceptance of each member of our family no matter where they came from or how they got here.
He is that kind of man who looks for the good in everything, and doesn't give up until he finds it. He has been a great example to me and he is one of my favorite people on the planet. :)

I love you Ed.
Happy Birthday. :)

Our Parents

Our parents celebrated their 50th Wedding Anniversary in July. But the Party is Today.
How poetic that a Hurricane is blowing through at the same time. They have withstood many Hurricanes in their lives. But they didn't budge. We will not be at their party today, but our hearts will be there.

The first time I met Ed and Lois, I was a little scared. Especially since I was abit of a package deal. I came with 4 grandkids in tow.:)

I quickly found out that they were accepting of all of us and 4 more was no big deal.
What WAS a big deal was that I didn't know how to play spades.

I thought Ed was being nice to me when he gave me Jim for my partner and he took Mike.
He was really taking advantage of a chance to BEAT Jim at cards! :)
Jim nearly pulled all his hair out trying to teach me to play, but I finally learned, and Jim forgave me.

I was looking at old pictures of Ed and Lois and the time has FLOWN by. I can't believe how YOUNG they looked 20 years ago. :)

We love our parents, and pray that they have a wonderful Party with friends and family.
As of this writing, the winds are really blowing and it is raining and we did make the right decision to stay home, though we really are feeling sad that we missed such a big celebration.

Happy 50th Dad and Mom!

Water Gun Fight With Grampa