Real Life and Trauma

Well, I am sad to report that we had to return one of our dogs to the animal shelter where he came from 3 weeks ago.  :(  We worked with him in a continual manner to try and solve some major bad habits he had, but after the last two days, it was too much for me.  I failed.  Actually, I studied his bio carefully and there was no report of aggression or biting. It was reported that he was friendly with other animals etc.

I don't think Stetson was a MEAN dog... he was just a BIG BITER, and he HURT, ALOT.... He was also making sure he was alpha Male and did everything to keep Guess under his authority.... this included taking his food and his dog bones.  Guess was following his lead and began to act like Stetson with the animals. We had to separate them from the animals after 3 chicken were killed by Stetson and EATEN.... he also was very aggressive with the goats. He would corral them and then bite them on purpose.

He was not willing to roll over and be submissive to us at all, even with treats.  He finally, after many bites that were not serious, got Miss Anna near the neck this a.m. and knocked her down.  He bit me, and then he turned on Guess and put a  gash in his neck causing him to bleed.  That was it for me.

I think Stetson would be a good dog for a single man who lives on a ranch with nothing smaller than a large cow or horse, where he can run free and not be in competition.  NO KIDS AT ALL.....
He doesn't know his own size or bite.

So, sadly, this turned into a major fiasco this a.m.  Last week I was ready to take him back but Miss Alli begged to work with him.   Things actually got worse and we had numerous conversations about dog ownership and responsibility..... This a.m.  I had to tell her that we were going to return Stetson, as it was not fair to him or to us to keep him. He would have to be chained.  I would hate that.

Her initial response was anger, and  then panic..... she refused to talk, got upset and wouldn't listen. She started to storm outside, but I told her no, not to walk away..... she came back in reluctantly and had her head down, arms crossed and wouldn't look at either of us.

I got her into the rocking chair, and she was resistant, but complied.  I just rocked her and got her to breathe. Both Mike and I spoke words of encouragement to her and then we sang to her.... we sang and prayed and sang and prayed some more and her hands were clinched in fists. She would not let us hold her hand...... Then, as we sang and prayed and included analogies from Hinds Feet on High Places into our songs and words, she began to soften. First it was a little finger, then more, then more and then even a little smile. 

She is still more a mommy girl than a daddy girl, but we are working on it.  After about 30 minutes or more, our words and prayers reached her heart and she said she was sorry. She knew Stetson would be better somewhere else even though she was sad about it. 

At that point, I addressed the difference between dogs and people, reassuring her that she was safe and secure in our love for her.  She relaxed and   went to say goodbye to Stetson....

Erika and I took Stetson back to the shelter and Alli and the other girls stayed with Daddy.  When I got back she came up with a big smile and hugged me. She asked, "Was he sad to go back?"  I said, "No, he seemed quite happy. I think he must have thought he had been on vacation!" :)

And the rest of our day has been great.

While her behaviors were unpleasant and she was not compliant when she was really upset, she came around and calmed herself down using her tool box..... (deep breathing and rocking mom)
She came around and apologized. 
And, then, we talked about better ways to handle when we get upset next time.  I will reinforce this conversation tonight.......
Overall, We had a REALLY successful meeting with Real Life and Trauma and I am so glad we made it through. :)

The "Self Control" Tool

Alli and Guess early in the A.M.

We have had such a great almost month!  One of the first things we did at the hotel pool was to have a talk about our "tool box".... The tool box is used to store tools to help us with our emotions.

One of the tools we put in our tool box at the hotel was "Self Control".  I explained to Alli that how we feel at any given moment isn't right or wrong, it is what we DO with how we feel.  There is nothing wrong with feeling frustrated.... all of us feel frustrated sometimes, it is what we DO when we are frustrated.
Teaching our children to give their frustration to the Lord is so important.  He is the bearer of our burdens and does such a great job bearing our burdens when we let Him! But when we try to take things into our own hands, and bear them ourselves, that is when we get muddled in our thinking and things don't go so well....
Alli and I discussed this a few times before we came home, and I prepared her that she would need to be ready to use her tool box.
Well, the night before last, we started to build a dog house for the dogs.  Daddy is actually building more like a caddilac dog hotel! It is REALLY cool. I'll take a picture when it is finished. :)
Alli had it in her mind that we were going to paint it right away.  We explained that we cannot paint it until it is finished.
She began to hyper focus on the painting and wasn't enjoying the building and then.... she got frustrated... "What are we going to do if we don't paint it! Where are the dogs going to sleep if it isn't finished! and so on".....
We realized that she was starting to get upset, it was suggested that she use her tools.... "Open your tool box quick! Which tool should you use?"   :)
She quickly said, "My self control tool?"  YES! That is right!
So we took some deep breaths and   stayed in rhyhm with each other.... after about 10 breaths, she was calm, and then we talked about what was going to happen with the dog house and the painting. She was able to express her disappointment about not painting right then, but understood why and accepted it and even helped....
These are HUGE strides for a little one with such a trauma background. :)  We are celebrating each success!

Ahhh The Start of a Great Day!

We started school on time with happy attitudes! YEA!

It is amazing what a good night's sleep will do. :)  I am not quite done with the new school room, but 3 of them are in there working away.

Anna is working on math.

 Sarah is working on an Art History project.

Alli is working on Math

Erika is working on math.....

I tweaked a little of Erika's math so that she doesn't feel so overwhelmed.....and she is a happy camper. :)

Everybody is anticipating going to pick up Stetson and Guess..... this afternoon.
Alli said this a.m..... "I loved helping daddy with the dog house, I can't wait to paint it!"  Alli is very "hands on" and likes lots of tangible activity.  Painting the dog house will be a delight for her.

She and Anna and Sarah  designed what they wanted the dog house to look like on paper, and Daddy added a few neat touches, including a place to store food! :)

A GOOD LONG DAY!!!

Well, today was a Loooonnnggg Monday! :)
We started out with the weepies, and we ended with the last one standing..... down with the weepies. LOL
Everybody really did have a good day.... They did school work, worked on the new dog house with Daddy, played with the goats, rode bikes, did some chores, but there was this..... sorta.....feel that something wasn't right.
I started to feel a little sick tonight. Actually a LOT sick tonight. My skin feels all crawly.... and I have a slight fever. Mike had it last week. Thanks dear.  I'm not sure now if my own perception is off.....

Now, tonight, our sweetie who wishes to not be named..... just looked sad.  I was really worried as she is always so joyful.... as I inquired she said, "I don't want to say what is wrong."  That REALLY made me worry.... so we played this sorta guessing game.....
I was guessing all about her security, and she rolled her eyes, "No mom".....
And then, I asked, "Is it school?"   BWAAAAAHHHHAAAAAHAAAAA!
SCHOOL???? LOL
I thought it was something MUCH worse like insecurity or jealousy.... no, it was School.....
I asked, "what could be so wrong with school?"  "Math, I'm behind."  "Ummm actually you are AHEAD! You finished your math book early and started on a new one last week, what are you talking about you are behind!" 
She was being way too hard on herself.  Golly, our entire lives have changed, been turned upside down.... 1/2 a lesson behind what was planned is really no biggie!  But I'm glad she told me. :)

We finally got to the grocery store and got everything put away, girlies are in bed an hour late, but that is better than 2 hours late, and hopefully tomorrow we can concentrate on school...AND, tomorrow evening we pick up Stetson and Guess. :)
Ahhh, nothing like being dragged through life..... :)

Stetson and Guess

We went to visit the dogs this afternoon. The animal shelter has a play yard for the dogs to play in. We had not witnessed them together.  At first they barked at each other, and then after a few minutes, they calmed down and played hard for the rest of the time we were there. 

I think both of them are going to be ball chasers.  Stetson is a tease. He has such interesting expressions... You could almost see what he was thinking. He is very playful.
Guess is a  little more hyper and went full force but tired out as Stetson wore him down. LOL

Stetson is gentle and Guess is rougher, but they are both really good dogs. Mike was pleased with our choices. :)
Here are some pictures and some video. :)

Running in a circle FAST!

 

Daddy, Anna and Erika building a dog hotel.

SUCCESS!!!

 Stetson: A Cataloua Leopard Cattle Dog- He is very calm and had a tender disposition. He is 1 year old

 

Guess:

 He is a Border Collie Mix.  He was a little more active, but he is just 9 months old.

He was VERY SWEET nature and seemed eager to please for a treat.

Any Name Ideas are welcome:  The first name the girlies came up with is Spot.

We went to the dog shelter today after returned Mr. Duke back from his doggie field trip. :)
Last night I went online and located 5 potential dogs not far away at a different shelter.  So off we went. 
In my previous post, I mentioned about the near nuclear meltdown yesterday over  getting a dog, so today, BEFORE we went into the shelter.... I explained very clearly:

When we go into the shelter, I expect young ladies to behave like ladies. I expect that you will be kind and respectful and THEN we will look at a few dogs. We are going to be patient and see each dog separately and then we will look if there are any more we should look at.  I want you to remember that there is a CHANCE we will NOT get a dog today if we don't find the right one.
I CAN PROMISE YOU however, if there is any acting out, or unpleasant behavior, we will have to leave and come back another day, so you can be in control.... Do you understand what I am telling you?
"Yes"..... Can you repeat back to mommy what I am expecting from you?  YES..... "You want me to be kind and respectful.  You want me to not get mad if we don't find a dog."
That is right! READY!!! YES!

And we all went into the shelter.   They were all perfect little ladies.  We visited several dogs and everybody agreed on which two dogs to get.

THEN...... a potential upset happened.  We can't pick the dogs up until Tuesday because they both need to be neutered.  So, I looked at Miss Alli and let her know...... She smiled and said, "That's ok, I understand."  GOOD GIRL!

And with that, we signed all the papers and we will go to visit them on Sunday Afternoon with Daddy. :)
Stetson is a Cataloua Cattle Dog and Woody is a Black and  White Border Collie Mix.
We are so excited!
So PROUD of her keeping it together! YEA!

Our First Big Conflict

Today, while Erika and I went to get her legs worked on..... fitting problems......
Daddy took Anna, Sarah and Alli to pick out a dog. 
Alli's comfort is all wrapped up in an animal right now. 
We made it VERY CLEAR, this dog would be an outside dog. It would need to be able to blend in with animals, and be friendly.....

Well, the dog daddy really wanted to pick, won't be ready until Monday. It was just turned in.  The other dog was a fence climber and roamer, and then there was a dog named DUKE.  Duke is a Jack Russell Terrier mix.  He is nice, and was given on LOAN for the night, as Alli's anxiety was way up wanting to bring something home.

We have another shelter to look at tomorrow. They were closed today. The lady was VERY UNDERSTANDING and allowed us to take the dog home for the night.

Well, the first thing he did was tear all the tail feathers out of the first chicken he saw. LOL
Alli knew he could not be an outside dog, and she began to negogiate with daddy to MAKE him an inside dog.
She was very upset and angry.  Daddy was gently talking with her when Erika and I arrived home... and then we both sat down with her to talk.
We reminded her of the "outside dog" rule.  She began to exclaim with hand motions and all, "HE CAN'T STAY OUTSIDE< HE'LL KILL THE CHICKENS! 
I said, that is correct... that is why he is just visiting. :)
She said, "HE CAN'T GO BACK! HE"LL BE SAD!"

So we said, "Alli, IF YOU REALLY love animals like you say you do, then do you REALLY think this is the best home for Duke?  He has a history of biting small children and he would have to be put away when relatives visit.  Do you think Duke would be happy in such a small play area? He won't be able to mix with the other animals....
We asked her to take some deep breaths and calm down and then we could all talk in normal voices.
She did, and then admitted we did not have the right home.
We let her know that there is no way for him to find the right home unless we return him.
She began to come back to her senses, and then said, "I guess we'll need to take him back tomorrow."
Yes, we will. :)
Now, we'll be looking again for another dog, but in the mean time, you best go outside and help Duke enjoy his field trip from the Pound! :)
But, before you do, is there anybody you need to say you are sorry to? 

She said, "Yes.... I'm sorry Daddy... and she gave him a big hug.... and then  she went out to spend some time with Duke to make his day happy. :)

I'm sure we will see more of the same things. Glad she responded well.

How Do You Pick Up the Pieces?

How do you pick up the pieces of a shattered life?  Where do you begin? Where do you start?
At what point, will she feel settled?  At what point will we not have to say, "I have to get you one too, or I will need to order your book or here is where you will put your things; when they arrive......

It is heart wrenching to see a child, about to embark on becoming a lady, to be back at the starting gate all over again!  So many losses, so little to show for her first 11 years..... just a few boxes that have not arrived.

Hardly any pictures of her past. No pictures from Russia, except for a coveted dvd of her interview, which is now in a language she no longer understands.

Her understanding of English, though she can speak it well, is limited. I find myself needing to explain things and I have picked up on when she nods in agreement that she has NO IDEA what I am saying. :)
So I am getting used to asking her, "Do you understand what I said?"  Most of the time it is no, with a shy grin.....
We took the time yesterday a.m. to explain Daddy's joke to her... and when she finally got it, she laughed. :)

I moved a lot as a child.... but my moves consisted of my entire family moving from one place to another.....

Alli's moves have consisted of starting over with nothing but broken dreams and a few belongings; much of what she isn't really interested in keeping.  However, we WILL keep them..maybe storing them in the attic.
I seem to remember a little girl named Anna who didn't want ANYTHING she brought and wanted to give all her toys away to poor children, only to change her mind 3 weeks later when it was too late. :)
She talked forever about the dolly that she gave away that said, "Hand". LOL

I know better this time than give things away.

Last night, she said she didn't want any goats or any animals. She didn't want them because she just wanted to forget all the animals left behind.
We talked about how this will not be a solution..... to never have an animal again because you miss your old animal won't heal your heart. But mourning the loss you have, and then opening your heart to love another animal will help a great deal!

I think the same is very true for people. Many children will have been so hurt by former experiences with parents, foster parents, care givers etc. they will close their hearts to ever loving another person.
I am REALLY glad that Alli has not gone so far..... but that does not mean we don't have much work to do. We DO.... Her response to the animals is an indication to me as to how her mind is thinking.

I pray for this dear child that she can attach to a new dog. YEP, we are getting a dog!
Daddy will have the privilege of taking the girls to pick it out.  Alli needs more time spent with Daddy for bonding.  I had 2 weeks alone, daddy hasn't been able to have that time except for Sunday.....
Of course we have her whole life, but golly I just want her to feel settled.

But truly! Only the Lord enlightening us, bringing our hearts His peace and His Understanding, and trusting His ways will bring about total healing.

Just love all our little Noelles. :)