The Minich Family Blog: Every Family Has A Story...Welcome To Ours
Showing posts with label Timothy. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Timothy. Show all posts
Monday, August 24, 2026
Boys to Men
Wednesday, November 13, 2019
Its World Kindness Day
He grew up watching Mr. Rogers. He wanted to imitate him, and would try to catch his shoes like Mr. Rogers did. He'd zip up his zipper sleeper all the way up, then back 1/2 down to wear it like Mr. Rogers. We didn't DARE try to zip it all the way back up... "NO! Mr. Rogers doesn't wear it that way!"
When I think of the word kindness, I also picture tenderness, gentleness, patience, and a gentle smile.
Children NEED us to simply be KIND. They need us to be tender, gentle and patient. And they need us to smile at them affectionately, so they know we love them.
I'm thankful for all of the lovely, kind people that speak into my life.
Tuesday, July 9, 2013
Cerebral Palsy
I was reading No Greater Joy Mom's blog and she was asking for those who had adopted children with Cerebral Palsy to post their blog address.
I did, even though Tim is my bio son. He is, but Mike adopted all of our boys. So Tim is also adopted.
Because I don't write that much about my older boys, I figured I would put a link here for a post about him.
On my side bar, you can find posts about Tim under "Timothy".....
But I'll link this one:
http://minichfamilyblog.blogspot.com/2013/02/finding-joy-in-journey.html
I did, even though Tim is my bio son. He is, but Mike adopted all of our boys. So Tim is also adopted.
Because I don't write that much about my older boys, I figured I would put a link here for a post about him.
On my side bar, you can find posts about Tim under "Timothy".....
But I'll link this one:
http://minichfamilyblog.blogspot.com/2013/02/finding-joy-in-journey.html
Tuesday, February 26, 2013
Finding Joy In The Journey
I wrote yesterday about Adoption Fantasy vs. Adoption Reality. <---linked
Today, I'd like to follow up that post by sharing some personal experiences. Aus and Co. commented on that post and hit the nail on the head! Sometimes the "wheels fall off the wagon for no apparent reason"..... and we are caught off guard.
I have two distinct stories to share from two different time periods in my life, so bear with me, as I am getting rather.... old. LOL
(This picture was taken at about 5 days old in 1981. At 16 days old things got MUCH worse, and he was down to 2lbs. 14 oz.)
When our second son Timothy was born, I had never really entered the world of Special Needs children. I never really KNEW anybody who had special needs as a child, except one little boy who was deaf. I was far removed from the reality that God was about to PLUNGE ME INTO!
He had a DIFFERENT STORY for me! It was a story of sorrow and suffering, but ONLY to bring about GREAT GOOD and joy in my life.
Just like Much Afraid in the allegorical book, "Hind's Feet on High Places", which I HIGHLY recommend, he gave me 2 friends.... "sorrow and suffering"....
ONLY when I LEARNED TO EMBRACE THEM, did I find that what God was REALLY trying to do in my life was bring me CLOSER to HIM and cause me GREAT JOY! GREATER than I could have EVER known, had I not walked that LONELY, SCARY PATH!
I say LONELY, because I walked it, very much ALONE.
I was rather isolated, and there was not much support. In fact, even one of my own parent questioned me as to whether I "ate right", blaming me for my sons premature birth.
We were poor, living with family, something I NEVER thought I'd have to do again.... and I was all of Twenty -Two!
Ifelt, KNEW that everybody thought my life was a mess, and when I called the pastor of the church we were attending, I could sense his "uncomfortableness" with my questions. It was like he couldn't wait to get off the phone, because I didn't fit into his "false theology". In fact, he never called me, offered words of comfort or even visited the hospital where I spent 5 hours a day and 4 hours a night, 7 days a week.
The DAY after our son had the massive Hemmhorrage that we were told would kill him, after the gut wrenching talk with our Neonatologist, I was weak and trembling. I had asked for a week to think, before we removed him from life support, and it was granted. 2 brain activity tests were to be done. I watched part of one of them. It was unbearable for me inside, but I wasn't allowed to fall apart. I wasn't allowed to.
The next day, I did just that. I couldn't stop crying, so I stayed alone, and wept and cried out to the Lord, hugging my 2 year old son. He had no idea what was going on in my heart. But His comfort was palpable.
I stayed home from the hospital for the first time that day. I had been there EVERY DAY, day AND night to hold my son's hand, soothe him, make sure he heard my voice..... but I was told he was gone.
He was just a shell.
On the day I stayed home, at around 11:30 A.M. , I got a phone call. It was one of the female Neonatologists. She was really a nice lady. She noticed I wasn't there. When I came to the phone she asked me, "Why aren't you here?" I burst into tears. "I can't do it. I can't come!"
In no uncertain terms she told me, "YES YOU CAN! YOU MUST! YOUR SON NEEDS YOU MORE THAN EVER TODAY! YOU MUST COME!"
I appreciated her REBUKE to me so very much. It wasn't about me, it was about HIM!
She understood my pain, but walked me through it to the other side.... YOUR SON NEEDS YOU MORE THAN EVER NOW! resounded in my heart. YES... HE DOES.... WHAT AM I THINKING! There is no time to feel sorry or wallow in self pity.... MY SON NEEDS ME!
So, I pulled myself together, and drove to the hospital, full of fear, anxiety and loneliness, but at the same time, holding the very hand of God.
Those life lessons have molded and shaped me over the years through many more trials.
We have 2 choices in life.... Embrace it and walk with God, or Hide from it and be destroyed. Why choose bitterness? Why choose self pity? It is an AWFUL WASTE OF TIME!
I choose the first. It is much more exciting! :)
As Timothy miraculously survived, and God answered my personal prayers.... that he would KNOW he was alive and to WHOM he could worship, it was very apparent, that God had chosen for us to continue down the path of raising a very special child.
Tim was the ONLY child I knew who was "handicapped".
It was that way for YEARS. He was the only one at church. He was the only one who had Cerebral palsy. He was the only one who had brain damage.
When he was 3, he attended a special needs pre school for a short time, and that was the first time I saw other children who had physical disabilities besides my own son.
2 more babies later, both born prematurely..... I found myself alone again.... I was already alone, but this time, ABANDONED alone. I was now a single mother. Oh LORD how that hurt.
Had it not been for my precious Mama Dabba, my mother in law, I do not know what I would have done. The Lord provided her in my life at the perfect time. I love her so.
We went through surgeries and recoveries that were gut wrenching. And eventually, my TIM began to walk.
FAST FORWARD MANY YEARS.....
All of my boys were in college or married. In fact, we had 4 weddings and an adoption in 2 years time!
We had taken Miss Anna to a really fun party. It was the Annual Reformation Party where there are all sorts of friends that we sometimes see only once a year, AT THAT PARTY! She had been home for nearly a year, and was doing really well, except when she wasn't. LOL
She had looked forward to this event all week, and the day came. Anna was not quite 6 years old.
That night, was so special. I watched her run around with other little girls, playing HARD and just being a KID. It was the first time I had ever seen her really RELAX and not be nervous. She had a GREAT TIME!
The time came to go home, and she was ready. We did the typical transition change. We are going to be leaving in 10 minutes, then 5, then 2, then it is time to leave. She said her goodbyes to her new beloved friends and hopped in the car.
On the way home, she began to kick the back seats and scream, "I HATED IT! I DIDN'T LIKE THOSE PEOPLE!" "I DIDN'T LIKE MY FRIENDS!" "I HATED THAT PARTY!"
It caught us a little off guard. As Aus and Co. would say, "The wheels fell off the wagon for no apparent reason!"
BUT BACK UP..... THERE WAS A REASON! And thankfully the Lord revealed this to us.
Our Anna had become VULNERABLE! She had allowed her guard down and it scared her to death!
She was working VERY HARD, OVERLY HARD to put it back up. But it wasn't working.
These times, when our children seem to be going 3 steps back...... they are getting ready to LUNGE forward. We can either facilitate the 3 steps back by saying something ridiculous like, "because you kicked the seats you are in time out".......OR..... We can see what is really happening and nurture our children to wholeness!
We brought our little Anna into the house and immediately headed for the rocking chair.
It was in that moment that we held her and listened and then spoke words of love into her. "You DESERVE to have a party and have fun! You deserved to have fun with your friends! It was OK for you to run and laugh and play and I loved seeing you having so much fun!"
The result of that conversation? Our little one collapsed into a pile of healing sobs. "I really did like it mommy!" "I really do like those people!" "I'm sorry!"
I know. I know sweetie. It's ok. I love you..... I LOVE YOU.....
I rocked her into a deep sleep, praying and singing over her.
Each of our children have had hard times, and come from very hard places in life. It has been a special JOY, a DEEP ABIDING JOY to help them find the path.... and to embrace JOY in their journey... holding on to the Lord for LIFE.
I would not trade the hardships I have faced in this life for anything.... because through them, the LORD has brought me to a place of GREAT JOY in HIM. HE is all that matters, and I trust that HE is the AUTHOR of my life. HE is the great weaver, the great story teller, the GREAT I AM.
And it is for HIS GLORY that we live.
In the End, Sorrow and Suffering turn into Gladness and Joy!
Today, I'd like to follow up that post by sharing some personal experiences. Aus and Co. commented on that post and hit the nail on the head! Sometimes the "wheels fall off the wagon for no apparent reason"..... and we are caught off guard.
I have two distinct stories to share from two different time periods in my life, so bear with me, as I am getting rather.... old. LOL
When our second son Timothy was born, I had never really entered the world of Special Needs children. I never really KNEW anybody who had special needs as a child, except one little boy who was deaf. I was far removed from the reality that God was about to PLUNGE ME INTO!
He had a DIFFERENT STORY for me! It was a story of sorrow and suffering, but ONLY to bring about GREAT GOOD and joy in my life.
Just like Much Afraid in the allegorical book, "Hind's Feet on High Places", which I HIGHLY recommend, he gave me 2 friends.... "sorrow and suffering"....
ONLY when I LEARNED TO EMBRACE THEM, did I find that what God was REALLY trying to do in my life was bring me CLOSER to HIM and cause me GREAT JOY! GREATER than I could have EVER known, had I not walked that LONELY, SCARY PATH!
I say LONELY, because I walked it, very much ALONE.
I was rather isolated, and there was not much support. In fact, even one of my own parent questioned me as to whether I "ate right", blaming me for my sons premature birth.
We were poor, living with family, something I NEVER thought I'd have to do again.... and I was all of Twenty -Two!
I
The DAY after our son had the massive Hemmhorrage that we were told would kill him, after the gut wrenching talk with our Neonatologist, I was weak and trembling. I had asked for a week to think, before we removed him from life support, and it was granted. 2 brain activity tests were to be done. I watched part of one of them. It was unbearable for me inside, but I wasn't allowed to fall apart. I wasn't allowed to.
The next day, I did just that. I couldn't stop crying, so I stayed alone, and wept and cried out to the Lord, hugging my 2 year old son. He had no idea what was going on in my heart. But His comfort was palpable.
I stayed home from the hospital for the first time that day. I had been there EVERY DAY, day AND night to hold my son's hand, soothe him, make sure he heard my voice..... but I was told he was gone.
He was just a shell.
On the day I stayed home, at around 11:30 A.M. , I got a phone call. It was one of the female Neonatologists. She was really a nice lady. She noticed I wasn't there. When I came to the phone she asked me, "Why aren't you here?" I burst into tears. "I can't do it. I can't come!"
In no uncertain terms she told me, "YES YOU CAN! YOU MUST! YOUR SON NEEDS YOU MORE THAN EVER TODAY! YOU MUST COME!"
I appreciated her REBUKE to me so very much. It wasn't about me, it was about HIM!
She understood my pain, but walked me through it to the other side.... YOUR SON NEEDS YOU MORE THAN EVER NOW! resounded in my heart. YES... HE DOES.... WHAT AM I THINKING! There is no time to feel sorry or wallow in self pity.... MY SON NEEDS ME!
So, I pulled myself together, and drove to the hospital, full of fear, anxiety and loneliness, but at the same time, holding the very hand of God.
Those life lessons have molded and shaped me over the years through many more trials.
We have 2 choices in life.... Embrace it and walk with God, or Hide from it and be destroyed. Why choose bitterness? Why choose self pity? It is an AWFUL WASTE OF TIME!
I choose the first. It is much more exciting! :)
As Timothy miraculously survived, and God answered my personal prayers.... that he would KNOW he was alive and to WHOM he could worship, it was very apparent, that God had chosen for us to continue down the path of raising a very special child.
Tim was the ONLY child I knew who was "handicapped".
It was that way for YEARS. He was the only one at church. He was the only one who had Cerebral palsy. He was the only one who had brain damage.
When he was 3, he attended a special needs pre school for a short time, and that was the first time I saw other children who had physical disabilities besides my own son.
2 more babies later, both born prematurely..... I found myself alone again.... I was already alone, but this time, ABANDONED alone. I was now a single mother. Oh LORD how that hurt.
Had it not been for my precious Mama Dabba, my mother in law, I do not know what I would have done. The Lord provided her in my life at the perfect time. I love her so.
We went through surgeries and recoveries that were gut wrenching. And eventually, my TIM began to walk.
FAST FORWARD MANY YEARS.....
All of my boys were in college or married. In fact, we had 4 weddings and an adoption in 2 years time!
We had taken Miss Anna to a really fun party. It was the Annual Reformation Party where there are all sorts of friends that we sometimes see only once a year, AT THAT PARTY! She had been home for nearly a year, and was doing really well, except when she wasn't. LOL
She had looked forward to this event all week, and the day came. Anna was not quite 6 years old.
That night, was so special. I watched her run around with other little girls, playing HARD and just being a KID. It was the first time I had ever seen her really RELAX and not be nervous. She had a GREAT TIME!
The time came to go home, and she was ready. We did the typical transition change. We are going to be leaving in 10 minutes, then 5, then 2, then it is time to leave. She said her goodbyes to her new beloved friends and hopped in the car.
On the way home, she began to kick the back seats and scream, "I HATED IT! I DIDN'T LIKE THOSE PEOPLE!" "I DIDN'T LIKE MY FRIENDS!" "I HATED THAT PARTY!"
It caught us a little off guard. As Aus and Co. would say, "The wheels fell off the wagon for no apparent reason!"
BUT BACK UP..... THERE WAS A REASON! And thankfully the Lord revealed this to us.
Our Anna had become VULNERABLE! She had allowed her guard down and it scared her to death!
She was working VERY HARD, OVERLY HARD to put it back up. But it wasn't working.
These times, when our children seem to be going 3 steps back...... they are getting ready to LUNGE forward. We can either facilitate the 3 steps back by saying something ridiculous like, "because you kicked the seats you are in time out".......OR..... We can see what is really happening and nurture our children to wholeness!
We brought our little Anna into the house and immediately headed for the rocking chair.
It was in that moment that we held her and listened and then spoke words of love into her. "You DESERVE to have a party and have fun! You deserved to have fun with your friends! It was OK for you to run and laugh and play and I loved seeing you having so much fun!"
The result of that conversation? Our little one collapsed into a pile of healing sobs. "I really did like it mommy!" "I really do like those people!" "I'm sorry!"
I know. I know sweetie. It's ok. I love you..... I LOVE YOU.....
I rocked her into a deep sleep, praying and singing over her.
Each of our children have had hard times, and come from very hard places in life. It has been a special JOY, a DEEP ABIDING JOY to help them find the path.... and to embrace JOY in their journey... holding on to the Lord for LIFE.
I would not trade the hardships I have faced in this life for anything.... because through them, the LORD has brought me to a place of GREAT JOY in HIM. HE is all that matters, and I trust that HE is the AUTHOR of my life. HE is the great weaver, the great story teller, the GREAT I AM.
And it is for HIS GLORY that we live.
Friday, February 15, 2013
More Birthdays
Mike and Alli already celebrated their birthdays in early February. But two of our sons and our daughter in law also have birthdays in February.
Happy Birthday Timothy, Joseph and Rebecca! :)
Tim and Joe are not quite a whole year apart. I remember when Timothy was 4, his brother turned 4, so he decided he would be 6 like his big brother. When we explained he was turning 5, not six he was very upset... "How come HE gets to be MY age and I can't be Chuckie's age?" LOL
I loved those little years with my boys.
And now I enjoy seeing them with their own children, explaining things to them.
But for our grandson Sam..... whoa!
His question today, at the ripe age of 5..... "If God is a loving God, why do bad things happen?"
Ummmm....wow, at 5! :)
I know that Joseph and Rebecca will handle this question just fine! After all, they already covered if God was a Spirit or had a body. LOL
Y'all are getting OLD!
Happy Birthday Timothy, Joseph and Rebecca! :)
Tim and Joe are not quite a whole year apart. I remember when Timothy was 4, his brother turned 4, so he decided he would be 6 like his big brother. When we explained he was turning 5, not six he was very upset... "How come HE gets to be MY age and I can't be Chuckie's age?" LOL
I loved those little years with my boys.
And now I enjoy seeing them with their own children, explaining things to them.
But for our grandson Sam..... whoa!
His question today, at the ripe age of 5..... "If God is a loving God, why do bad things happen?"
Ummmm....wow, at 5! :)
I know that Joseph and Rebecca will handle this question just fine! After all, they already covered if God was a Spirit or had a body. LOL
Y'all are getting OLD!
Monday, September 3, 2012
Playing Spoons
Ilse is always a joy! She is getting so big!!! And she smiles at her ya-ya in the most adoring way!
Em's.
Tim playing Spoons
Sarah
spoons..... :)
Sarah shuffling cards
Showing off those hands
Thursday, June 14, 2012
Tim's Surgery Done
Well, phase one of Tim's surgery is done. The first thing was to remove
plates and pins from his surgery when he was little boy, to ensure
that they are not the real problem. They then injected his hip with
cortisone. Hopefully, HOPEFULLY this will help. Dr. Sucato was very helpful in explaining why the hip is hurting today. (Em's I'll tell you what he said later when we talk) It made perfect sense, and is certainly related to Tim's Cerebral Palsy.If the procedure this time does not work, the next surgery will be a much longer recuperation time and much more involved.
The doctor was very good, but the hospital was NOT Scottish Rite. I was not impressed. I think we are spoiled at Texas Scottish Rite OR in reality, we aren't and THEY SHOULD be the standard.
I have to say, if I were to get sick, I would not want to wind up at the hospital that handled Tim's post op. That said, we had a nice visit and Ilse even got to stay with us for the afternoon! :)
Marcus came last night and we all had a really good time visiting.
Tim was feeling pretty good this a.m. and ready to have breakfast. The doctor came in right after this and said he could go home. Walking will be a little difficult, but he'll be fine.
Tuesday, June 12, 2012
A Time to Remember A Time to Forget
Tomorrow, I will be going to the hospital for our son Tim.
Tim has Cerebral Palsy, and underwent some major surgery as a young child. All of those surgeries except one, took place when I was a single mom. I was ALONE. I felt ALONE.
My precious mom in law, Dabba, my mom.... took care of the other boys while Tim had surgery.
That day, that awful day.... when he was just 6 years old.... I can still remember like it was yesterday.
TEN hours of surgery.... a bilateral femoral osteotomy and aducter release.... happened at the University of New Mexico hospital. I remember sitting in the general waiting area nervously sewing Christmas Ornaments. I didn't DARE allow myself to feel.
Then, I could hear him. "You cut my legs off!" That was not just in recovery! That was heard in the WAITING AREA! I saw that line that forbid me to cross..... and I was not allowed to go to be with him. Then, they finally called me. He was still screaming in pain.
They put him in an ambulance and transported him back to the hospital for kids with special needs.
The nurses looked at his chart and freaked out. His orthopedist FORGOT to put in an order for pain meds. NO KIDDING.... So they woke him with NOTHING! NOTHING after hammering and sawing and screwing my baby's legs.... NOTHING.
It took over 4 hours to find the doctor to get orders for pain meds.
FINALLY they were given and they were the WRONG DOSAGE. It was a NIGHTMARE.
3 days later, I went and found the director of the small hospital he was staying at. I asked him to come to my sons room where if I even touched his HAIR he'd say, "Tt hurt mama for you to touch my hair." That doctor "got it!" and a few hours later, he was on the PROPER dose of medicine to where he could actually rest.
No, I will NEVER forget it.
Every time he heard a siren he would cry. They sent him home from the hospital too soon, so I demanded that they take him back. I called a pediatrician and explained that he had suffered severe pain and neglect at the hands of these "professionals" and he agreed that he needed to go back into the hospital for a "good experience".
The nightmares were AWFUL.
We both got over it over the years.... and then not. All those feelings are raw tonight. I'm barely keeping it together. I think Tim is doing WAY better than me. :)
Tomorrow, I will conquer my fear, and spend the night with my precious son, to MAKE SURE that NOBODY treats him like they did when he was 6. I'm older and MUCH braver and don't mind using my mouth now. :) Tim WILL have his pain managed. :)
Pray for me.....and especially pray for Tim. I pray this surgery alleviates the pain he has been in.
Thankfully, his doctor is somebody I respect and KNOW. He was the first doctor Erika saw at Texas Scottish Rite, and is now the director of surgery there. :)
I KNOW that he truly cares about Tim.
When Erika had her last surgery, I was shocked when our new pastor came and sat with me almost ALL day! It was WONDERFUL to NOT be alone! It was actually the first time in a long time.
Only one other time did somebody sit with me. That was an associate pastor when Mike had surgery.
If you are a pastor reading this, please KNOW that your presence when somebody has surgery is MUCH APPRECIATED! It is definitely NOT time wasted. I remember....
Tim has Cerebral Palsy, and underwent some major surgery as a young child. All of those surgeries except one, took place when I was a single mom. I was ALONE. I felt ALONE.
My precious mom in law, Dabba, my mom.... took care of the other boys while Tim had surgery.
That day, that awful day.... when he was just 6 years old.... I can still remember like it was yesterday.
TEN hours of surgery.... a bilateral femoral osteotomy and aducter release.... happened at the University of New Mexico hospital. I remember sitting in the general waiting area nervously sewing Christmas Ornaments. I didn't DARE allow myself to feel.
Then, I could hear him. "You cut my legs off!" That was not just in recovery! That was heard in the WAITING AREA! I saw that line that forbid me to cross..... and I was not allowed to go to be with him. Then, they finally called me. He was still screaming in pain.
They put him in an ambulance and transported him back to the hospital for kids with special needs.
The nurses looked at his chart and freaked out. His orthopedist FORGOT to put in an order for pain meds. NO KIDDING.... So they woke him with NOTHING! NOTHING after hammering and sawing and screwing my baby's legs.... NOTHING.
It took over 4 hours to find the doctor to get orders for pain meds.
FINALLY they were given and they were the WRONG DOSAGE. It was a NIGHTMARE.
3 days later, I went and found the director of the small hospital he was staying at. I asked him to come to my sons room where if I even touched his HAIR he'd say, "Tt hurt mama for you to touch my hair." That doctor "got it!" and a few hours later, he was on the PROPER dose of medicine to where he could actually rest.
No, I will NEVER forget it.
Every time he heard a siren he would cry. They sent him home from the hospital too soon, so I demanded that they take him back. I called a pediatrician and explained that he had suffered severe pain and neglect at the hands of these "professionals" and he agreed that he needed to go back into the hospital for a "good experience".
The nightmares were AWFUL.
We both got over it over the years.... and then not. All those feelings are raw tonight. I'm barely keeping it together. I think Tim is doing WAY better than me. :)
Tomorrow, I will conquer my fear, and spend the night with my precious son, to MAKE SURE that NOBODY treats him like they did when he was 6. I'm older and MUCH braver and don't mind using my mouth now. :) Tim WILL have his pain managed. :)
Pray for me.....and especially pray for Tim. I pray this surgery alleviates the pain he has been in.
Thankfully, his doctor is somebody I respect and KNOW. He was the first doctor Erika saw at Texas Scottish Rite, and is now the director of surgery there. :)
I KNOW that he truly cares about Tim.
When Erika had her last surgery, I was shocked when our new pastor came and sat with me almost ALL day! It was WONDERFUL to NOT be alone! It was actually the first time in a long time.
Only one other time did somebody sit with me. That was an associate pastor when Mike had surgery.
If you are a pastor reading this, please KNOW that your presence when somebody has surgery is MUCH APPRECIATED! It is definitely NOT time wasted. I remember....
Saturday, April 7, 2012
Some More Pictures of Family
was born.
Friday, March 30, 2012
A Blast From the Past
The boys were close in age. Not quite as close as the girls as that would have been physically impossible since none of them are twins. :) There are 4 years and 9 months between the 4 of them.
We had a wonderful time raising these guys, so much so, that we are doing it all over again except there are dresses, high heels and barbies in our house now. None of those would have been found in our home before. At least not in a kid size :)
If you go to my side bar.... 3 of the kids wives blog. One is our youngest son's wife Ivy. "The life of Little Eunice". Then there is our son Tim's wife, Emily. "God's mercy displayed". BTW- Ivy and Emily are sisters AND sisters in law. Which means, Tim and Marc are brothers AND brothers in law. I think that makes the kids double cousins or something like that. :)
Then there is Joe's wife Becca. She has 2 blogs. Rebecca's Art, and "It's Not Easy Being Green".
Chuck and Jodie don't blog right now....
I adore each and every one of my boys and daughters in law. And between all of them, if OLIVIA EVER decides to make an entrance, we have 10 grand children. :)
All of this is leading up to my next post. It is about our oldest son Charlton, and our youngest son Marcus, and something that happened a long time ago.... It was restored today. :)
Stay tuned.
Tuesday, February 7, 2012
Surgery Scheduled
Erika made the brave decision to have surgery to remove the plates and pins from her hip, and tho have the bone trimmed back on her left stump.
I am really proud of her. At first, she just said, "No"....
Then we talked it over about the ramifications of her decision. Was she willing to live with pain in her hip, if it could be eliminated? Did she want to have continuous problems with fittings, if we left the protruding bone on?
After about a week of thinking about it, weighing the pain, because it IS painful, weighing the long term ramifications, she made the mature decision and opted for surgery.
I know that some do not agree with our decision to include our children in this process and believe we should make those decisions period. I would like to explain why we Do.
The surgery is not life or death related. It is more for function. If she needed emergency heart surgery, that would be a different story, and I do believe she would opt to save her own life.
I used to take care of a woman many years ago, when our boys were little, who was quadriplegic. She was in a wheel chair. It is a long story how we came to meet, but let's just say our first meeting was rather sad. Her aide left and didn't come back. She was living in an apartment alone, and needed somebody to take her to the bathroom. It had been 24 hours.
She knocked on my door and said, "this is an odd question, but can you take me to the bathroom?" And then she burst into tears.
That began a relationship we had for years. :) I became her aide until a replacement could be found 6 months later, and then I became her aide again for the same reasons. She lived with me for awhile until we found a permanent solution for her.
During the time she stayed with me, she told me about the surgeries she endured, and how she felt she didn't have a voice over her own body. She said everything was decided without her. And she resented it. Her wise words to me were, "Don't do that to your kids". So I didn't. It really is that simple.
As our son grew up, he had surgery at 5 and surgery at 6. The surgery he had at 6 was nothing short of a disaster. He had bilateral femoral osteotomy and aductor releases, to help the scissoring of his legs so he could walk better after the heel cord surgery. The pain medication was not written into his order. So, after waking up from surgery, he went 4 hours without any pain meds..... THEN, the wrong dosage was given and he suffered greatly. I finally went to the director of the hospital in his office, and asked him to please come with me because I was so worried. Let's just say a few heads rolled and he was given the proper meds. This was a long time ago, and YES, I do believe care was not taken because our son was handicapped. I can't imagine how much more it would have effected him, had he had zero say in the process.
We moved to Texas a couple of years later and Tim started going to Scottish Rite. The thought of surgery made him shiver with fear. He really did need one more... but we waited. We let him know that he didn't have to do it if he didn't want to. It was HIS body. Just giving that small amount of control, empowered him to make the decision a few months later. Not only was he mentally and emotionally prepared, he went home in record time. In fact, he only missed 2 days of school.
I believe our children can recover faster when they are included. I also believe emotional health and a happy outlook on life, is WAY more important than trying to improve our bodies. I remember my friend's words, as I listened to her recall the pain and emotional scars of her memories as a child who was not treated as a person.
Erika's body is never going to be perfect. She will never move freely on this earth, or have proper use of her legs. She will not be able to bend. So the purpose for this surgery is to keep her out of pain in the long run both on her hip and on the stump and to make it easier to fit her for prosthesis.
I want to always strive to treat my children with the dignity and respect they deserve. And a good lesson for our girls is that their body is THEIRS. This lesson has many other applications.
I am really proud of her. At first, she just said, "No"....
Then we talked it over about the ramifications of her decision. Was she willing to live with pain in her hip, if it could be eliminated? Did she want to have continuous problems with fittings, if we left the protruding bone on?
After about a week of thinking about it, weighing the pain, because it IS painful, weighing the long term ramifications, she made the mature decision and opted for surgery.
I know that some do not agree with our decision to include our children in this process and believe we should make those decisions period. I would like to explain why we Do.
The surgery is not life or death related. It is more for function. If she needed emergency heart surgery, that would be a different story, and I do believe she would opt to save her own life.
I used to take care of a woman many years ago, when our boys were little, who was quadriplegic. She was in a wheel chair. It is a long story how we came to meet, but let's just say our first meeting was rather sad. Her aide left and didn't come back. She was living in an apartment alone, and needed somebody to take her to the bathroom. It had been 24 hours.
She knocked on my door and said, "this is an odd question, but can you take me to the bathroom?" And then she burst into tears.
That began a relationship we had for years. :) I became her aide until a replacement could be found 6 months later, and then I became her aide again for the same reasons. She lived with me for awhile until we found a permanent solution for her.
During the time she stayed with me, she told me about the surgeries she endured, and how she felt she didn't have a voice over her own body. She said everything was decided without her. And she resented it. Her wise words to me were, "Don't do that to your kids". So I didn't. It really is that simple.
As our son grew up, he had surgery at 5 and surgery at 6. The surgery he had at 6 was nothing short of a disaster. He had bilateral femoral osteotomy and aductor releases, to help the scissoring of his legs so he could walk better after the heel cord surgery. The pain medication was not written into his order. So, after waking up from surgery, he went 4 hours without any pain meds..... THEN, the wrong dosage was given and he suffered greatly. I finally went to the director of the hospital in his office, and asked him to please come with me because I was so worried. Let's just say a few heads rolled and he was given the proper meds. This was a long time ago, and YES, I do believe care was not taken because our son was handicapped. I can't imagine how much more it would have effected him, had he had zero say in the process.
We moved to Texas a couple of years later and Tim started going to Scottish Rite. The thought of surgery made him shiver with fear. He really did need one more... but we waited. We let him know that he didn't have to do it if he didn't want to. It was HIS body. Just giving that small amount of control, empowered him to make the decision a few months later. Not only was he mentally and emotionally prepared, he went home in record time. In fact, he only missed 2 days of school.
I believe our children can recover faster when they are included. I also believe emotional health and a happy outlook on life, is WAY more important than trying to improve our bodies. I remember my friend's words, as I listened to her recall the pain and emotional scars of her memories as a child who was not treated as a person.
Erika's body is never going to be perfect. She will never move freely on this earth, or have proper use of her legs. She will not be able to bend. So the purpose for this surgery is to keep her out of pain in the long run both on her hip and on the stump and to make it easier to fit her for prosthesis.
I want to always strive to treat my children with the dignity and respect they deserve. And a good lesson for our girls is that their body is THEIRS. This lesson has many other applications.
Sunday, December 11, 2011
LOVE IT WHEN THEY VISIT!
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