Em's and the babies

 I dropped over at Tim and Em's today on the way on my trip to the grocery store. It was a round about trip. :)  I love seeing them.  We were supposed to get together on Saturday, but I started feeling bad, so we cancelled. So I had to go and get my Ya-Ya fix. :)

I am so happy that I got to hold all my grand babies and that I got Ilse to SMILE! :)  She is doing really well.  She flipped herself over and I even got a coo out of her. :)  Yea Ilse!  And the boys of course are always adorable. :) 

Ilse is 5 months old. :)

She is just precious! :)

A Visit at the Hospital

I wrote about Catherine and her girls here.  Today, was Francesca's surgery. It was a big one. So the girls and I , and our friend's daughter Marion packed up and went to sit with Catherine while Francesca has surgery. I remember when Tim had surgery. I sat alone for 9 plus hours during the surgery. I hate to think of somebody sitting alone. :(
THIS TIME..... I remembered the camera. :)

 Anna and her friend Marion studied fossils.

 Sarah and Alli had fun on the paint spots.

 Erika enjoyed crocheting.

 They all wound up resting on this couch.

And this is Catherine and me, resting on a giant caterpillar.
I really enjoyed meeting Catherine and talking about her wonderful family. :)  Pray for Francesca as she will be in ICU for now, and for Victoria's surgery tomorrow.

More Pictures of the New Baby Chick

 Miss Broody Britches is still sitting on 3 of her eggs. They should hatch sometime tomorrow.
We moved her to the dog kennel to protect the baby from falling out of the nest. Little chicks can get into all sorts of trouble! LOL

 It is hard to believe a little chick fan fit into an egg like that.

 Here she is resting on mama.

The cat is VERY amused! LOL The chicken growls at him everytime she sees him. :)

NEW LIFE!

Well, one little Chick has arrived. We were walking out to go to church, and I checked to see.... and there she was! :)  3 to go!

Saturday Fun

The girls decided to play soccer after their chores today. Having 4 girls makes for teams!

and .... WATCH Miss Erika kick that ball! Not bad for a double amputee with arthrogryposis! :)

Christmas Ideas

Any tips?
I want to make a collage for the older kids and my mom.  I would like to make it as ONE photo, sort of like this:

Maybe in an 11x14 size.... since there are so many of us. :)  This was just a sample attempt with some old photos I was looking at.

I did it on the kitchen table with no flash, but is a little blurry.

We Went Fishing

At Pets mart. :)
We have 3 new fish.  We will get 3 or 4 more next week.

They are mollies.

 Anna wants to get ghost shrimp that clean the bottom of the tank, but they said to wait 3 months because the tank is new.

This and That

 Somebody had to put ice on her hand because she was trying to do a trick on her bike. The trick was to ride her bike FAST, then grab onto a tree branch and let the bike keep going.  The bike kept going, but the tree branch was a little large.... and somebody fell on her finger.  :)

 Erika has been a busy girl, learning a new crochet stitch.

And this is our garage sale find. We had to get a new filter, and that rock thingy in the middle.
I was commenting to Mike how much things have changed.  We purchased the fish tank last week. We took a few days to research what to do, and then we have made a trip to the pet store to look at fish and filters and have our water checked.  And now, a week later we will be getting fish.  7 months ago, Miss Alli would not have been able to handle the wait.  She would have been curled up in a little ball of misery. 
But today, she is enjoying each step.  She has really handled the WAIT, very well. :)  And TODAY, we are getting FISH. :)

Strangers But Friends

Bloggy world is so funny.  Catherine, along with Victoria and Francesca made it to Dallas just fine, and then, had a bit of a fiasco.... so I had the honor of picking them up and taking them to the hotel.  I forgot my camera, but had my cell phone. I took this great picture of them with Erika, and somehow LOST the picture! :/
But it was a priveledge to pick them up and meet them. Those precious little FORMER Reece's Rainbow babies are just THRIVING!  Victoria was laughing and blowing funny noises in the back seat while Francesca slept.  It was fun to meet Catherine, and be able to assist her in any way I could.
What a precious family. :)

So, NO PICTURES.... but a wonderful memory. :)
Check out Catherine's Blog.

Awkward Moment

courtesy of ME.....
I was at a friend's house and we were talking about society and kids and family and things like that.  I said, "There are so many more people with special needs than there used to be.... I see them all the time!" 
I said, "When Tim was little, he was the only child we knew that had special needs."  But now, it seems like there are so many more!  
And my friend sort of had this look like, "Really, there are?"

And then it dawned on me....the only kids with special needs they have seen are ours.
 And so I said,  "Hey! Maybe there are more, because there are more of us! LOL
She started laughing and I did too..... (you would have had to have been  there)

I forget that our world is not typical for the majority of families.  We live a different sort of life. But it is a wonderful, rich and full sort of life. :)

I'm so thankful for my bloggy world friends who walk the same path.   They keep us from being alone, and can share in our moments of humor, trial and triumph. :)

My Sweet Girls

Alli and Sarah..... My beautiful sweet little girls. :)
Alli is just beaming. She has been home 7 1/2 months and I am so proud of her.  I am also so proud of Sarah.

Well, golly.... I am proud of Erika and Anna too. :)

WELCOME FALL!

You are FINALLY HERE! I hope you stay!  It was 88 degrees yesterday. Today, 61 at lunch time! The girls needed to wear light jackets or sweaters!  They made some sort of obstacle course where they have to jump a beam, then go around the teeter totter and put the cup on the stick when they go by..... Good Lunch time fun. :)

Erika was keeping score. :)

My CRAZY Van

The instrument panel periodically goes crazy while I'm driving. I just happened to have my camera in the van when we were driving home from music practice.  I'm so glad I got this video.  Now, it just needs to be put to a great song! LOL

Lectric Leopard Is Getting A Face Lift

All she needs is the hood finished, the bumpers put back on and some lettering. :)  After that, I'll be footloose and gas free once again!

Our Oldest Son

I cannot believe it...but our oldest son Charlton is 33!  Where did the time go???
Chuck is a sweet son, husband and father.    We miss him and all of the family so much since they moved away to Albuquerque!  But we are hoping to see them for the holidays. :) 

Love you Chuck!  ( He's the fellow in the beige Tshirt playing cards with all the guys)
The girls will never get this big! LOL

Alli and Mommy Snuck Off

and went garage saleing! :)  The neighborhood nearby was having one of those big sales.  So, since Erika went to get the pizza with daddy last night,

and she still had kitchen chores:

And Anna was enjoying reading in the hammock:

And Sarah was enjoying reading on the couch:

Alli and I came back with THIS treasure!

A portable CD player for 3 dollars. :)  She was so excited.  She has been saving for one.
Way to go, my smart little shopper! :)

Adoption Disruption and Thoughts I Can't Express part 3

I have been mulling over a few thoughts on disruption once again.  I wrote 2 posts directly about adoption disruption here and here.  Anytime one writes on such a subject, they can be accused of all sorts of things, beginning with not being understanding or being too harsh.

This is NOT my intention AT ALL.  In fact, I am VERY happy that our girls who have come to us BECAUSE of disruption are with us.  I am happy because they are my sweethearts, and because I do know that God has moved in all of our lives, and they are flourishing.

Russell Moore recently wrote a post called "Don't Adopt".  That is not actually what he means.  He means, "If you are looking for the perfect child, or for somebody to fulfill your need, don't adopt."
He also said, he no longer believes that all Christians should adopt.  I am really glad he said this.
Because he is right.

I don't know the circumstances of his post.... meaning why he actually wrote it. But my guess is, that he has come across and been made aware of adoptions that have failed, or adoptions that are devastating to both the parent and the child.

It really isn't uncommon to hear about. And frankly, that is so very sad. :(
Since I wrote those last 2 posts, we have adopted THROUGH DISRUPTION once again.  We prayed when we got the call that the Lord would either open the door wide, or slam it shut. We do not want what HE doesn't want.  And unexpectedly, after we thought the door was shut, it swung WIDE OPEN.
We stepped in once again, and have not looked back.

Our sweet Alli is the oldest child we have ever adopted. She is 11.  She was disrupted twice.   Sarah was just 5.  She barely remembers what happened anymore, because she was so young.  But Alli.... sweet Alli, remembers. And those memories come with feelings.  They come with feelings of total and complete rejection.  Some people say that children who are considered RAD, won't care who they live with, because they don't attach.
I disagree.
Alli CARES.  She was very confused by the decisions made before us. She was told one thing, and another thing happened. She didn't connect her behavior to being sent away. Why? Because she is a child.... and SHE IS THE ONE WHO WAS ABANDONED AND HURT IN THE FIRST PLACE!

She didn't connect that FOREVER love was CONDITIONAL.  She really didn't.  And she RIGHTLY didn't connect it!  Forever is SUPPOSED to mean FOREVER! 

The other day, she had a hard day.  And in the end, she was scared that we were going to boot her out. She broken heartedly said, "I'm really trying... do you know how hard it is to change?"
"YES, dear, I DO know..... I do"...."And I also know the one who can help." :)  As we sat and snuggled she poured her heart out, and her fears out.... this was an act of TRUST.  I am so thankful for those times.
I cannot say, "forever family" to her. She doesn't receive it.  I can only say, "I will NEVER, EVER, EVER, EVER, EVER, EVER give up...EVER!"  and neither can you. :) and then we talk tools. :)

I read the other day where disruption was similar to divorce.  I may have said that myself before.... but I don't believe that to be true anymore.  Legally, it is divorcing your child, but it is vastly different than divorcing a spouse.
Disruption between two adults can be devastating.  There is nobody who walks away unscathed as a consenting, agreeing adult.  An adult makes a choice and has a choice. They move on with their life, and they are in control of their own destiny.
But with a Child..... the child has no rights, no decision, no voice... no representation to hear "their side of the story"; NOTHING.  They don't even get to keep their name.  Disruption is not friendly.
It is ugly and painful. The child is labeled without cross examination, without defense.  RAD, ODD, FASD, PTSD, DEFIANT, REBELLIOUS..... and the list goes on.  Nobody mentions hurt, rejected, scared, loving, tender, sweet, kind.....

And on the other side.... there is a reason for disruption.  If things are so bad, that nobody is functioning.... if the family is terminally broken.... then disruption may be the best thing for parent and child.  If a parent gives up, the relationship will go nowhere.  If the leader ceases to lead and there is no direction, that would be devastating.
THAT DOES NOT mean disruption is ok.

I was thinking the other day when somebody asked, "But don't you believe that God brought your children to you? "  That is a very good question. YES! I do!
I also believe that Christ coming to bring Salvation to a fallen world was NOT plan B! It was plan A!
But that doesn't take away the guilt of Adam. God knew he would transgress.  He was still guilty.

Why am I writing this?
I am writing it because if I can persuade ONE family, to prepare themselves, to educate themselves, to  be ready to dig into the trenches of LOVE, NOT BATTLE FOR CONTROL,  BEFORE they bring home their child.... then just maybe another child won't be hurt, or damaged further by a dysfunctional relationship.
I am writing this because there is HOPE for the hurting child and family.
I am writing because our ALLI is FLOURISHING... and we just aren't that special. :)
I am writing this because I know of another child who has anguished over rejection.
I am writing this because there are OTHER ways.
I am writing this because we as a society are a throwaway society.
We give up....way too easily....
I am writing this because NO PARENT is perfectly good and the child perfectly bad!
I am writing this because disruption is becoming MORE common, and it is being BLAMED
on the child.

Yes, I am being passionate. YES!  Because if a family keeps on doing  what ISN'T working, how will things change???
If God has called you to adopt, then do it. But don't question it when things are hard. God doesn't bring things into our lives for easy street.  He may call us to walk a difficult path. WALK IT.

I think of my sweet Mom, Dabba,  who is 91 years old. She has been such an example to me in my life.  Her daughter was born with Schizophrenia.  She was her first born, and it was back in the day when the understanding of mental illness was really somewhere in the dark ages.  Dabba NEVER EVER gave up on her daughter. They went through a LOT together and I loved my sister in law Aunt Lee Lee.   She suffered from mental illness her entire life, but had the unconditional love of her family through it all.  I remember one Christmas Eve having to take her to a psyschiatric unit once again, because her life was so controlled by mental illness.
I cannot help but wonder.... Had Aunt Lee Lee  been adopted, would her family have stuck by her? Would they have loved her like we loved her? Would their love have been conditional? Would they have sent her away?  Aunt Lee Lee is no longer with us. But my memories of her are fond, in spite of her mental illness. 
I am SO THANKFUL that my DABBA taught me so much about unconditional, sacrificial love.
I will LOVE her FOREVER for her impact on my life.  She taught me to look beyond the hurt and see the good. She taught me to love, and when it hurt, to LOVE MORE.  

Remeber, your children have had years of trauma BEFORE you met them.  And YES, foster care, orphanages, EVEN "good ones" whatever they are, divorce, death of a parent, abuse, SEPARATION FROM A BIRTH MOTHER, coming to a NEW country and NEGLECT are ALL forms of TRAUMA. Don't expect them to be miraculously transformed overnight.  They didn't get to where they are in one day. Healing takes time.
I actually feel like we are on a miraculous speed with Miss Alli.   She really is doing amazingly well. And she is the REAL DEAL!  Somebody actually said that we should "watch out" because these kids can fool you."   UGH!
And they wonder WHY kids don't trust!
Yes, we have days that are stressful. Alli is right.... It IS hard sometimes.  And I am not perfect either.   I ask for forgiveness all the time. :)

I tell you... I LOVE this little girl.  She is mine through and through.  She is our SWEET ALLI!
And Anna is our Sweet Anna! And Erika is our Sweet Erika! And Sarah is our Sweet Sarah! :)
Oh yes they are!

The Blog Header

I have so much to learn about computers. One of my readers, JO, offered t make a new header for me. I think she did a great job.
Thank You Jo. :)

When Christmas rolls around, it is my hope that everybody will be home and we'll be able to get  one huge picture!  

It's Banjo Learnin' Time!

My books have arrived!  Yee-Haw! Or should I say Hee-Haw! :)

GROWING PAINS

Everybody knows growing pains are painful!  We can apply the concept physically, especially those of us who had them as children.  But applying the same  concept to emotional development and healing is more abstract and many times we don't get it.

We have had some really great weeks with our Alli.  And then, as we expected, yesterday, we had a really hard day.  She was all over the place with memories and doubts and fears which culminated into a temper fit.
I was so enjoying the good time we had for 2 weeks, I was a little caught off guard and wound up exhausted instead of  prepared. 
It is so hard to see our kids go through such turmoil, KNOWING they don't have to! They realy don't!
But they do because of fear and blindness to what is reality.
Reality is that they are safe and loved. 
Fear tells them that they are not.
Reality is that we adore them.
Fear tells them that we hate them and are PRETENDING to love them.

In REALITY, we lay our lives down and continue every moment to sacrifice in love.
In FEAR they don't trust.

In REALITY, I see that I do not reflect Christ perfectly to her.
In FEAR, she does not respond perfectly either.

AND IN REALITY, we can both see that she has come a LONG, LONG ways from where she was before, but we have a long road ahead of us too....
And in REALITY we can join hands, and walk the path the Lord has set before us TOGETHER,with JOY, knowing that the temporary suffering will bring about great fruit in our lives.   NOW that is something to REJOICE over!

Marcus and Ivy's BIG NEWS!

After 2 little boys, they just found out they are going to have a girl!  She will be our 4th grand daughter. :)  And we can't wait to meet her!   I'm sure she will be thrilled to see this! Charlie sure was! LOL

Journaling

Believe it or not, I am terrible about keeping a written journal.  Blogging is MUCH easier. :)
Before I blogged though, I used a journal when our adoption of Anna commenced.  I needed to take notes, to find out what made her tick, to write down what we did wrong each day as well as what we did right. 
I wrote about all the cute things she did, as well as her naughtiness. :)   Those journals proved to be one of the most valuable tools I had.  Not because I am such a great writer, but because I was able to go back and read and process our PROGRESS.   When I was discouraged, I would go back and read and realize how far we had come.
I filled up more than one journal with Annaism's  and then when Sarah came I started one for her too.
The same thing happened when Erika came home.  
Then, I started blogging. :)

I am working on a project and went back to some old journals to look through them.  I was really surprised about what I had forgotten, both good and bad!  And OH I am SO GLAD I wrote those things down.
Some of the information from those blogs I have re written in memory on different posts on this blog.

I would like to encourage ANYBODY who is adopting or has newly adopted, even though you might have a blog, to keep a private journal also.  Write in it just before you go to bed and if something happens and you get a chance to jot down your feelings DO IT....
It will be a VALUABLE source of information for you to refer back to.
Write down your flaws, your shortcomings, your prayers, and write down your child's behaviors and their reactions too.  I PROMISE, if you have an open heart, a pattern will emerge and it will provide an emotional map for you to study. :) 
Then, you can navigate your way to success!  Keep blogging too! :)

Seasonal Felony

I took Alli and Erika with me to Sam's Club today.  When we walked in, I was surprised to see this!

When we got home, I showed the picture to Sarah and said, "Can you believe they already have Christmas trees in the stores!!!!
Sarah said, "What kind of a person would buy Christmas stuff now?"
I said, "I can't imagine!"
And then I sheepishly said,  "Can you please put these in my room?"

You should have seen the look on her face! LOL

Background Blues

I tried to make some changes and had them all pretty much set, but needed to adjust some colors. Erika offered to help and somehow deleted my background settings and it was getting late.... so we decided to call it a night, and we'll try again tomorrow. LOL

Little Ilse

                                                                 MASTERPIECE

Before you had a name, or opened up your eyes, or anyone could recognize your face.
You were being formed, so delicate in size, secluded in God's safe and hidden place.
And with your little tiny hands, and little tiny feet and little eyes that shimmer like a breeze.
He breathed in you a song, and to make it all complete, He brought this masterpiece into the world.

And YOU are a masterpiece, a new creation He has formed, and your as soft and fresh as a snowy winter morn... And I'm so glad that God has given you to us.... Little Lamb from God
                                                You are a masterpiece!


You are fearfully and wonderfully made!

Issues With The Older Adopted Child

There is much going on in the news about adoption, about older adopted children, about the possibilities of RAD, (Reactive Attachment Disorder) PTSD ,(Post Traumatic Stress Disorder) and FAS. (Fetal Alcohol Syndrome) And if  those children can have successful adoptions.

I would like to explain what I  believe happens to children when they have abuse and neglect or alcohol exposure, and WHY I feel, "traditional" parenting, in these cases many times does not work, or why I believe it could cause delay in attachment and healing, and unnecessary hardship on all.

Because of trauma.... our children can be all over the age spectrum. They may be 11 in their body, but 3 emotionally.  When parenting them, you really have to understand if they are 3, that is where you parent them.  It is one of the hardest concepts to grasp, because you don't WANT them to be 3. You want to reason with them like an 11 year old...
What we have found, is if you reach them where they are... those gaps will fill in and your child will no longer be fragmented.

In my own children's cases, they all have vastly different backgrounds and experiences, the one thing that we have found that DOES work, is a consistent, unconditionally loving, stable, environment, where they were allowed to go through the grief process and heal.

Yes, our children grieved.  When they realized that their normal, all those years wasn't really normal, they finally allowed themselves to grieve.  If we can see the different stages our kids go through clearly, we will recognize grief.

There is NO way to determine how a child will react to a new family. If that could be predicted, there would be a whole lot of "do it this way" books out there.
Instead, our children come home with a very heavy suitcase of emotional baggage.... (think piles of Christmas Lights all wadded up and needing untangling)  and no instruction manual.
I remember Alli saying, "Every family says I am in a forever family."..... So we dropped that phrase from our vocabulary.

Our children come,  having lived, apart from us in a totally separate life. They have celebrated holidays, or not, in other countries and with different traditions. They have good memories and bad memories.  And we, before we got them, were used to how WE did things....
They cried themselves to sleep more times than not, and quivered with fear at the thought of being harmed in the middle of the night.
Sometimes they were tied down in their beds, and nobody came when they cried. So they stopped crying.
They learned very quickly that nobody will look out for them, and if they want food, they better get all they can, because it is scarce and nobody cares that you are hungry.
They learned that other kids are wanting the same things you do, and if you don't get it first, you may never get it, because there isn't any rule about fair.
They learned that it doesn't matter what you wear, because it isn't yours anyway.
They learned that there is something called a Mama and a Papa, and everybody wants one, but they don't really know what they are, really.
They learned that caretakers can be indifferent, sometimes downright mean, and sometimes nice. You never know what your are going to get.
They learned that some children leave with Mama's and Papa's and they cry because they miss them.
The caretakers tell them that they are the lucky ones, because the one that left will be killed and sold for body parts, so don't cry.
This is just a FRACTION of what they know when they come home.

Their world is very different from what most people experience  growing up. They don't know baseball, football, restaurants, church services, zoos, parks, beaches, and birthday celebrations.
They don't understand all the food. They don't get that the bed will be there for them tomorrow too, and they don't have to fight for a blanket anymore.
They don't get that mom and dad will love them.... forever.  In fact, many times, they don't understand what a mom and dad are for.
They get a little freaked out by all the attention and pull away. It is so foreign.  It takes a long time to unravel the world of the orphan.
SLOWLY.... layer by layer, emerges a new understanding, and a new dawning, that is both comforting to them, and painful at the same time.
It is comforting for a fleeting moment when they dare to trust, just a smidge... and painful when they realize just a taste of what they missed their whole life.

They hoard food. ( some call it stealing)  I don't believe a child can STEAL food.... food is for the needs of the family members and if they need food.... they NEED it, so FEED them.
(Alli has gained 10 lbs and 2 1/2 inches in 7 months and eats non stop. :) She is still very thin)

Sometimes they become collectors of the most interesting things..... when you find it... don't accuse, take notice, "Oh, I was looking for those nail clippers,  or, the flashlight is best kept in the kitchen drawer so we can remember where it is.  Would you like your own flash light? Simply ask them to put the item away or remind them where it belongs... whatever it is. :)  This may be a process that takes awhile to recover from. 
They may lash out at a sibling out of a lack of understanding that love is not scarce or limited but flows freely for all. LOVE THEM. And love the child lashed out upon. Encourage them to be part of the team.  We didn't adopt the girls until the boys were older. With the girls, they are very close in age.  We didn't adopt in birth order, but close enough. Alli is the youngest by 7 months.

When you need to instruct them, sometimes it won't be received.... those are rocking chair times. :)
(What do you mean I need a bath? I only took one once a week in Russia!)
Sometimes you just have to repeat, repeat, repeat,repeat.... "Yes, we take a bath every night. Remember? We talked about this?"  If they have possible FAE, they won't remember. We have to be patient until it becomes habit. :) Try reading a story to them while they are in the bath... or sing to them... Make up all sorts of silly songs for all sorts of things including cleaning rooms, making beds, etc.

As they begin to come to an understanding, they start to test the waters abit..... "So you love me? PROVE IT!  Nobody else has ever loved me..."
And the testing begins. 
Some see this as the "End of the Honeymoon Period".

I choose to see it as the beginning of REAL healing.  When a child feels they are finally safe.... that is sometimes when they can really grieve.

This is also the period of time where  a parent can lose control IF they do not  understand what is going on. The child tries to bring the parent into THEIR norm of control and chaos, because THAT is where they are comfortable.  The PARENT MUST RESIST this, and carefully, like a surgeon of the heart, bring the child into the world of peace and a new reality of belonging, of being cherished, of being LOVED.
It is a very humbling experience to be the parent of a child who is so needy, but doesn't believe they have a need. It is heartbreaking to  truly love a child who has never had the experience of being loved.
It is very challenging to try to guide a child  who thinks they don't need guidance. :)

I think sometimes we try to rush things, or  we think they SHOULD KNOW THIS BY NOW, (whatever it is) and we get impatient just doing life... And when we do, it backfires.  The unconditional love, suddenly has a condition and the child picks up on that like a strong radar signal going off.   And the wall goes up, and that is when the negative cycle can begin.... and some, unfortunately never get out of it.  
It turns into a button pushing fest for both parent and child.... and it will require that WE AS PARENTS stop it!   And I mean stop the cycle in a loving wave of acceptance and comfort. When they think they don't need it, we are there anyway. When they reject us, we are there anyway. When they hurl insults out of deep pain, we  are there anyway.... and we wrap our loving arms around them and keep them safe. And if we have children already in our home, we include them in the process teaching them also, to put themselves aside , and love unconditionally.   You become a team, a wave if you will, of love.

And then..... out of the ashes... a little bud of hope appears.  It starts to grow, and as you tend to that little bud, sometimes it will try to retreat and hide.... the sun is just too bright.... and the new world is just too scary.  One of the reasons it is so scary is because of a fear they just might lose it. They might lose  what they are beginning to love.
And so, when that happens, sometimes they try to make the inevitable (in their minds) happen. They try to make the process of rejection get sped up, because the anticipation hurts too much.
Unfortunately, THIS is the time, when many people throw in the towel.  They have given all they feel they can give.  They do not understand why the things that work on most kids isn't working on theirs.
They think, if I get a little harder, or punish a little more, that will make them understand.... when in reality, what they are dealing with is fear and  grief.  You cannot punish fear and  grief out of a person. You have to comfort and reassure and slowly guide them out to safety, in the process teaching them right from wrong, respect vs. disrespect, responsibility and how to love.  Loving instruction with unconditional acceptance.... goes a long way.
When you gain your child's trust....  (trust cannot be forced) and they know they are in their home to stay.... that is when real learning takes place. 

Is it a TALL order??  Ummm... Yes it is.  But it is so worth it. EVERY minute of it. Because in the process, not only your child grows, but you grow to in ways you never imagined. :)  The Lord leads and guides us along the way, and we find that our prayer life is MUCH improved! :)  We come to a deeper understanding of what GOD has done for us, through HIS sacrifice for us.
And we get to see our children turn into healthy, happy, productive kids that are no longer looking back, but looking forward to a newness of life that they never understood they could have.  And when we mess up.... an "I'm sorry can go a really long way!" :)

Tonight, Miss Alli spent a good amount of time in the shoppe with her dad. She was having so much fun out there she wanted to stay longer. :)   She also has kitchen duty this week.  Since she was having such a good time, I decided I'd go ahead and do the dishes.  I had just started when she came in. I was very pleased that she said, "Mom, that's my job, I'll take care of it!"..... So I was the helper and we did them  together. :)  7 months ago, this would not have happened.

I Know Two Little Girls...

who won't be climbing onto the roof anymore!
Yes, they climbed the front tree and onto the roof to "sit and talk".... The tree is SCARY enough!
I didn't seem to get a satisfactory answer as to why they decided to go up there, after being told no the other day.....
They said, "We didn't know you meant today, just the other day..." Ummm. No.
So,
Since I have to work in the office and daddy is in the shoppe and they looked so sad that they couldn't climb onto the roof, we decided to let them help us.
Daddy is so sweet. He is having Alli help him organize his tools while he works on a car, and talking to her the whole time about obeying.
Sarah is helping sweep things with me, and we are having the same conversation. :)

I can't believe we have a SECOND batch of KIDS that climb ROOFS!
I NEVER climbed a roof when I was a kid.  UGH
However, Mike DID! He remembers doing it with his brother.
The boys climbed the school roof and then thanked God at family prayer time that they made it up on the roof and back down safely!  That was an interesting prayer. Everybody's eyes were opened for the rest of that one. LOL
And I know another person who climbed onto a roof with HIS brother, and it resulted in 2 broken
ankles!
His brother told him if he just stepped down on the garage door, it would lower him down slowly and he could pretend to fly. They had capes.  He did.... and the door slammed shut and he fell to the ground.

A Little Change

I finally figured out how to do a collage thanks to Katie a Blessed Mommy, giving Erika instructions on how to do it! :)  THANKS KATIE!
So, the header has a new collage.... Now to figure out how to make it a little bigger. :)

Our Little Sweetheart

Tonight I am so full of thankfulness. Our little Alli had such a wonderful week. :)  She sat between daddy and I on the bed tonight and prayed with us, thanking the Lord for her family and for her week.
She was just beaming. :)
Thank You Lord for our sweet little girl. :)

This was a very creative way to get rid of  packing supplies. :)  HO HO HO! LOL

The Snugglers

I love it when I catch the girls snuggling together. :)  Right before I got in the room, I heard one of them say, "She's armed with a camera!" :)

CHRISTCHURCH NZ-

"The Garden City of New Zealand"

Thank you HOLLY, for the beautiful post card! You have gorgeous hand writing, and there was a lot of good information on that card about each picture. :)
The girls were very excited to get your card. :)

I would love to see NZ in my lifetime. :)

The Disturbing World of the Pearls Part 2.

I wrote yesterday about TTUAC and the disturbing thoughts that I have read in this book.  There have been deaths, and many cases of abuse... I just read about one today where a child was hospitalized with kidney failure due to this type of teaching.

This will be my last post on this topic in this manner.  I wrote here, why that is.
I feel that I need to address this post because of the theology issue.  False teaching is VERY serious.

Here is a direct quote from the section in the book called, "The Power of Absolution".


"The parent holds in his hand, (in the form of a little switch) the power to ABSOLVE THE CHILD OF GUILT, CLEANSE HIS SOUL, INSTRUCT HIS SPIRIT, STRENGTHEN HIS RESOLVE, AND GIVE HIM A FRESH START THROUGH A CONFIDENCE THAT ALL INDEBTEDNESS IS PAID.
"The blueness of a wound cleanseth away evil: so do stripes the inward parts of the belly. Proverbs 20:30.  Inward parts of the belly " is a description of the physical sensations associated with guilt.
(He says this is Proverbs 20:30) My bible says, "blows that would cleanse away evil, strokes make clean the innermost parts.   This is written amidst a huge amount of "reasoning verses" such as:
vs 17  Bread gained by deceit is sweet to a man, but afterward his mouth will be full of gravel.
SO, does anybody believe that the person really has gravel in his mouth?
Also, would the word "blueness" lead a person reading, that that would be a bruise?


Stripes ("scourgeth" Hebrews 12:6) are said to be to the soul what he healing blood flow is to a wound. A child properly and timely spanked is healed in the soul and restored to wholeness of spirit. A CHILD CAN BE TURNED BACK FROM THE ROAD TO HELL THROUGH PROPER SPANKINGS.  
 This is CLASSIC false teaching! There is NO SCRIPTURE that says that through proper spankings you  can be healed and restored in spirit. NOT ONE.

"Withhold not correction from the child; for if though beatest him with the rod, he shall not die. Thou shalt beat him with the rod, and shalt deliver his soul from hell.  Proverbs 23: 13-14.
This verse is in the same area of proverbs mentioned above. Refer to the gravel verse. :) But I will say,  Obviously we must discipline our children. YES. To NOT discipline and not instruct is insane.
Of course parents are responsible to teach their children.
This verse obviously does not mean what Pearl says it means because children died. 



FATHER, AS A HIGH PRIEST OF THE FAMILY, YOU CAN RECONCILE YOUR CHILD TO NEWNESS OF LIFE. GUILT GIVES SATAN A JUST CALLING CARD AND A DOOR OF ACCESS TO YOUR CHILD. IN ACCOMPANIMENT WITH TEACHING, THE PROPERLY ADMINISTERED SPANKING IS RESTORATIVE AS NOTHING ELSE CAN BE.


Here again, there is not scripture that says you can reconcile your child to newness of life! 
Guilt does not give Satan a just calling. Scripture calls Satan an accuser.   
Where is the GOSPEL ?????
This is a section on guilt:
GUILT
Therefore, toward understanding the nature of a child, a knowledge of the presence of guilt is essential in the application of chastisement. A spanking (whipping paddling, switching, belting) is indispensable to the removal of guilt in your child. His very conscience (nature) demands punishment.
Most psychological problems are rooted in guilt. Guilt ONLY occurs where one HONESTLY judges himself to be worthy of blame.  One may inappropriately be convinced of blame, but the guilt is nonetheless, self incrimination.


The guilt burdened soul cries out for the lashes and nails of justice. Your child cannot yet understand that the Creator has been lashed and in his place. Only the rod of correction can preserve his soul until the day of moral dawning. ..... Guilt is the law's chief witness against the sinner.

Oh my.... I have much to say on this. But I will sum it up.  So, if a child is raped.... and they have guilt, he says they should be purged of their guilt though being spanked?  In the cases of our own sweet daughters, one who was tormented  by guilt and I repeat WAS..... because of her disruptions..... we should spank her??? REALLY??? She holds honest blame because she had guilt?????
Oh my words the implications of these statements shake me to my core.

Once again, GUILT is not "law's chief witness against the sinner"..... Satan is.  And when Satan accuses, Jesus Christ says PAID IN FULL! amen.

So, basically the book teaches that a parent can save their child.  This is a lie. A parent cannot offer salvation to a child. Salvation comes through Christ alone, through Faith.   We do NOT pay the penalty for our sin, Jesus Paid it ALL....
Jesus said, "Let the little children come to me, and stop keeping them away, because the kingdom of heaven belongs to people like these." Matthew 19:14.
John 3:16 says, "For God So Loved the World that HE gave His ONLY son that WHOEVER believes in Him will have eternal life."
And I leave with this:  HEBREWS 4:12- For the word of God is living and active, sharper than any two-edged sword, piercing to the division of soul and of spirit, of joints and of marrow and discerning the thoughts and intentions of the heart.

And here I will stop. There is no use in "beating a dead horse" you get the picture of what is in the book.
I will close this post with Psalm 23.....  (this verse is a Psalm of David)

The Lord is my shepherd; I shall not want. He makes me to lie down in green pastures. HE leads me beside still waters. HE restores my soul. He leads me in the paths of righteousness for HIS name's sake.  Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I WILL FEAR NO EVIL, for YOU ARE WITH ME.  Your ROD AND YOUR STAFF, they COMFORT ME. YOU prepare a table before me in the presence of my enemies and you anoint my head with oil, my cup overflows. SURELY GOODNESS AND MERCY will follow me all the days of my life, and I shall dwell in the house of the Lord forever.

My Concern

I wrote a heart felt post, the best I could regarding teachings that are so scary to me, yet seem to be prevalent.  It is so hard to walk the line of not throwing somebody under the bus, so to speak, yet exposing false teaching.  It is NEVER my intention to point and judge another person I have not met, or even met for that matter; yet I felt compelled to write opinion on the facts before me.  There are many good people who have opinions different  than my own, who glean from all sorts of books, use common sense and forget the rest.... then there are those who are dependent upon other's books.  If what I wrote could cause one person to rethink their ideas, then I am not sorry for writing it.  
I include myself, as being one who is constantly learning and taking to heart new ideas. If we cease to grow, we are not alive!
I carry a big burden in my heart over this, because Long ago, I spanked on occasion.  My intention was NEVER to harm my kids, and I would weep over it, because it just didn't seem right.  There were those around me who would say YOU MUST or you are not following scripture. 
I was set free from it, many years ago....long before the girls ever came. 
When my boys were small, I could have been one of those judgmental people looking at an out of control toddler and thinking, they need to get a hold of that kid! I am ashamed of that.  The Lord has taught me much, since I became a mother at 20. 
One thing I am very grateful for, is the scripture itself.  I am grateful for HIS love and mercy in my life, and that the Holy Spirit teaches and leads us into all truth.

So, with that, I will be commenting one more time on the issues of the gospel in the book, and then I will move on, and write in a positive way what I believe has helped us with our children; especially our children who come to us through adoption.  In writing in the positive, I think it is more helpful than writing in the negative.  If I just criticize a book, it doesn't say what to do instead..... and I'd rather offer hope and encouragement in all respect and gentleness.  Harshness just makes me want to take a bath. :)