My CRAZY Van

The instrument panel periodically goes crazy while I'm driving. I just happened to have my camera in the van when we were driving home from music practice.  I'm so glad I got this video.  Now, it just needs to be put to a great song! LOL

Lectric Leopard Is Getting A Face Lift

All she needs is the hood finished, the bumpers put back on and some lettering. :)  After that, I'll be footloose and gas free once again!

Our Oldest Son

I cannot believe it...but our oldest son Charlton is 33!  Where did the time go???
Chuck is a sweet son, husband and father.    We miss him and all of the family so much since they moved away to Albuquerque!  But we are hoping to see them for the holidays. :) 

Love you Chuck!  ( He's the fellow in the beige Tshirt playing cards with all the guys)
The girls will never get this big! LOL

Alli and Mommy Snuck Off

and went garage saleing! :)  The neighborhood nearby was having one of those big sales.  So, since Erika went to get the pizza with daddy last night,

and she still had kitchen chores:

And Anna was enjoying reading in the hammock:

And Sarah was enjoying reading on the couch:

Alli and I came back with THIS treasure!

A portable CD player for 3 dollars. :)  She was so excited.  She has been saving for one.
Way to go, my smart little shopper! :)

Adoption Disruption and Thoughts I Can't Express part 3

I have been mulling over a few thoughts on disruption once again.  I wrote 2 posts directly about adoption disruption here and here.  Anytime one writes on such a subject, they can be accused of all sorts of things, beginning with not being understanding or being too harsh.

This is NOT my intention AT ALL.  In fact, I am VERY happy that our girls who have come to us BECAUSE of disruption are with us.  I am happy because they are my sweethearts, and because I do know that God has moved in all of our lives, and they are flourishing.

Russell Moore recently wrote a post called "Don't Adopt".  That is not actually what he means.  He means, "If you are looking for the perfect child, or for somebody to fulfill your need, don't adopt."
He also said, he no longer believes that all Christians should adopt.  I am really glad he said this.
Because he is right.

I don't know the circumstances of his post.... meaning why he actually wrote it. But my guess is, that he has come across and been made aware of adoptions that have failed, or adoptions that are devastating to both the parent and the child.

It really isn't uncommon to hear about. And frankly, that is so very sad. :(
Since I wrote those last 2 posts, we have adopted THROUGH DISRUPTION once again.  We prayed when we got the call that the Lord would either open the door wide, or slam it shut. We do not want what HE doesn't want.  And unexpectedly, after we thought the door was shut, it swung WIDE OPEN.
We stepped in once again, and have not looked back.

Our sweet Alli is the oldest child we have ever adopted. She is 11.  She was disrupted twice.   Sarah was just 5.  She barely remembers what happened anymore, because she was so young.  But Alli.... sweet Alli, remembers. And those memories come with feelings.  They come with feelings of total and complete rejection.  Some people say that children who are considered RAD, won't care who they live with, because they don't attach.
I disagree.
Alli CARES.  She was very confused by the decisions made before us. She was told one thing, and another thing happened. She didn't connect her behavior to being sent away. Why? Because she is a child.... and SHE IS THE ONE WHO WAS ABANDONED AND HURT IN THE FIRST PLACE!

She didn't connect that FOREVER love was CONDITIONAL.  She really didn't.  And she RIGHTLY didn't connect it!  Forever is SUPPOSED to mean FOREVER! 

The other day, she had a hard day.  And in the end, she was scared that we were going to boot her out. She broken heartedly said, "I'm really trying... do you know how hard it is to change?"
"YES, dear, I DO know..... I do"...."And I also know the one who can help." :)  As we sat and snuggled she poured her heart out, and her fears out.... this was an act of TRUST.  I am so thankful for those times.
I cannot say, "forever family" to her. She doesn't receive it.  I can only say, "I will NEVER, EVER, EVER, EVER, EVER, EVER give up...EVER!"  and neither can you. :) and then we talk tools. :)

I read the other day where disruption was similar to divorce.  I may have said that myself before.... but I don't believe that to be true anymore.  Legally, it is divorcing your child, but it is vastly different than divorcing a spouse.
Disruption between two adults can be devastating.  There is nobody who walks away unscathed as a consenting, agreeing adult.  An adult makes a choice and has a choice. They move on with their life, and they are in control of their own destiny.
But with a Child..... the child has no rights, no decision, no voice... no representation to hear "their side of the story"; NOTHING.  They don't even get to keep their name.  Disruption is not friendly.
It is ugly and painful. The child is labeled without cross examination, without defense.  RAD, ODD, FASD, PTSD, DEFIANT, REBELLIOUS..... and the list goes on.  Nobody mentions hurt, rejected, scared, loving, tender, sweet, kind.....

And on the other side.... there is a reason for disruption.  If things are so bad, that nobody is functioning.... if the family is terminally broken.... then disruption may be the best thing for parent and child.  If a parent gives up, the relationship will go nowhere.  If the leader ceases to lead and there is no direction, that would be devastating.
THAT DOES NOT mean disruption is ok.

I was thinking the other day when somebody asked, "But don't you believe that God brought your children to you? "  That is a very good question. YES! I do!
I also believe that Christ coming to bring Salvation to a fallen world was NOT plan B! It was plan A!
But that doesn't take away the guilt of Adam. God knew he would transgress.  He was still guilty.

Why am I writing this?
I am writing it because if I can persuade ONE family, to prepare themselves, to educate themselves, to  be ready to dig into the trenches of LOVE, NOT BATTLE FOR CONTROL,  BEFORE they bring home their child.... then just maybe another child won't be hurt, or damaged further by a dysfunctional relationship.
I am writing this because there is HOPE for the hurting child and family.
I am writing because our ALLI is FLOURISHING... and we just aren't that special. :)
I am writing this because I know of another child who has anguished over rejection.
I am writing this because there are OTHER ways.
I am writing this because we as a society are a throwaway society.
We give up....way too easily....
I am writing this because NO PARENT is perfectly good and the child perfectly bad!
I am writing this because disruption is becoming MORE common, and it is being BLAMED
on the child.

Yes, I am being passionate. YES!  Because if a family keeps on doing  what ISN'T working, how will things change???
If God has called you to adopt, then do it. But don't question it when things are hard. God doesn't bring things into our lives for easy street.  He may call us to walk a difficult path. WALK IT.

I think of my sweet Mom, Dabba,  who is 91 years old. She has been such an example to me in my life.  Her daughter was born with Schizophrenia.  She was her first born, and it was back in the day when the understanding of mental illness was really somewhere in the dark ages.  Dabba NEVER EVER gave up on her daughter. They went through a LOT together and I loved my sister in law Aunt Lee Lee.   She suffered from mental illness her entire life, but had the unconditional love of her family through it all.  I remember one Christmas Eve having to take her to a psyschiatric unit once again, because her life was so controlled by mental illness.
I cannot help but wonder.... Had Aunt Lee Lee  been adopted, would her family have stuck by her? Would they have loved her like we loved her? Would their love have been conditional? Would they have sent her away?  Aunt Lee Lee is no longer with us. But my memories of her are fond, in spite of her mental illness. 
I am SO THANKFUL that my DABBA taught me so much about unconditional, sacrificial love.
I will LOVE her FOREVER for her impact on my life.  She taught me to look beyond the hurt and see the good. She taught me to love, and when it hurt, to LOVE MORE.  

Remeber, your children have had years of trauma BEFORE you met them.  And YES, foster care, orphanages, EVEN "good ones" whatever they are, divorce, death of a parent, abuse, SEPARATION FROM A BIRTH MOTHER, coming to a NEW country and NEGLECT are ALL forms of TRAUMA. Don't expect them to be miraculously transformed overnight.  They didn't get to where they are in one day. Healing takes time.
I actually feel like we are on a miraculous speed with Miss Alli.   She really is doing amazingly well. And she is the REAL DEAL!  Somebody actually said that we should "watch out" because these kids can fool you."   UGH!
And they wonder WHY kids don't trust!
Yes, we have days that are stressful. Alli is right.... It IS hard sometimes.  And I am not perfect either.   I ask for forgiveness all the time. :)

I tell you... I LOVE this little girl.  She is mine through and through.  She is our SWEET ALLI!
And Anna is our Sweet Anna! And Erika is our Sweet Erika! And Sarah is our Sweet Sarah! :)
Oh yes they are!

The Blog Header

I have so much to learn about computers. One of my readers, JO, offered t make a new header for me. I think she did a great job.
Thank You Jo. :)

When Christmas rolls around, it is my hope that everybody will be home and we'll be able to get  one huge picture!  

It's Banjo Learnin' Time!

My books have arrived!  Yee-Haw! Or should I say Hee-Haw! :)

GROWING PAINS

Everybody knows growing pains are painful!  We can apply the concept physically, especially those of us who had them as children.  But applying the same  concept to emotional development and healing is more abstract and many times we don't get it.

We have had some really great weeks with our Alli.  And then, as we expected, yesterday, we had a really hard day.  She was all over the place with memories and doubts and fears which culminated into a temper fit.
I was so enjoying the good time we had for 2 weeks, I was a little caught off guard and wound up exhausted instead of  prepared. 
It is so hard to see our kids go through such turmoil, KNOWING they don't have to! They realy don't!
But they do because of fear and blindness to what is reality.
Reality is that they are safe and loved. 
Fear tells them that they are not.
Reality is that we adore them.
Fear tells them that we hate them and are PRETENDING to love them.

In REALITY, we lay our lives down and continue every moment to sacrifice in love.
In FEAR they don't trust.

In REALITY, I see that I do not reflect Christ perfectly to her.
In FEAR, she does not respond perfectly either.

AND IN REALITY, we can both see that she has come a LONG, LONG ways from where she was before, but we have a long road ahead of us too....
And in REALITY we can join hands, and walk the path the Lord has set before us TOGETHER,with JOY, knowing that the temporary suffering will bring about great fruit in our lives.   NOW that is something to REJOICE over!

Marcus and Ivy's BIG NEWS!

After 2 little boys, they just found out they are going to have a girl!  She will be our 4th grand daughter. :)  And we can't wait to meet her!   I'm sure she will be thrilled to see this! Charlie sure was! LOL

Journaling

Believe it or not, I am terrible about keeping a written journal.  Blogging is MUCH easier. :)
Before I blogged though, I used a journal when our adoption of Anna commenced.  I needed to take notes, to find out what made her tick, to write down what we did wrong each day as well as what we did right. 
I wrote about all the cute things she did, as well as her naughtiness. :)   Those journals proved to be one of the most valuable tools I had.  Not because I am such a great writer, but because I was able to go back and read and process our PROGRESS.   When I was discouraged, I would go back and read and realize how far we had come.
I filled up more than one journal with Annaism's  and then when Sarah came I started one for her too.
The same thing happened when Erika came home.  
Then, I started blogging. :)

I am working on a project and went back to some old journals to look through them.  I was really surprised about what I had forgotten, both good and bad!  And OH I am SO GLAD I wrote those things down.
Some of the information from those blogs I have re written in memory on different posts on this blog.

I would like to encourage ANYBODY who is adopting or has newly adopted, even though you might have a blog, to keep a private journal also.  Write in it just before you go to bed and if something happens and you get a chance to jot down your feelings DO IT....
It will be a VALUABLE source of information for you to refer back to.
Write down your flaws, your shortcomings, your prayers, and write down your child's behaviors and their reactions too.  I PROMISE, if you have an open heart, a pattern will emerge and it will provide an emotional map for you to study. :) 
Then, you can navigate your way to success!  Keep blogging too! :)

Seasonal Felony

I took Alli and Erika with me to Sam's Club today.  When we walked in, I was surprised to see this!

When we got home, I showed the picture to Sarah and said, "Can you believe they already have Christmas trees in the stores!!!!
Sarah said, "What kind of a person would buy Christmas stuff now?"
I said, "I can't imagine!"
And then I sheepishly said,  "Can you please put these in my room?"

You should have seen the look on her face! LOL

Background Blues

I tried to make some changes and had them all pretty much set, but needed to adjust some colors. Erika offered to help and somehow deleted my background settings and it was getting late.... so we decided to call it a night, and we'll try again tomorrow. LOL

Little Ilse

                                                                 MASTERPIECE

Before you had a name, or opened up your eyes, or anyone could recognize your face.
You were being formed, so delicate in size, secluded in God's safe and hidden place.
And with your little tiny hands, and little tiny feet and little eyes that shimmer like a breeze.
He breathed in you a song, and to make it all complete, He brought this masterpiece into the world.

And YOU are a masterpiece, a new creation He has formed, and your as soft and fresh as a snowy winter morn... And I'm so glad that God has given you to us.... Little Lamb from God
                                                You are a masterpiece!


You are fearfully and wonderfully made!

Issues With The Older Adopted Child

There is much going on in the news about adoption, about older adopted children, about the possibilities of RAD, (Reactive Attachment Disorder) PTSD ,(Post Traumatic Stress Disorder) and FAS. (Fetal Alcohol Syndrome) And if  those children can have successful adoptions.

I would like to explain what I  believe happens to children when they have abuse and neglect or alcohol exposure, and WHY I feel, "traditional" parenting, in these cases many times does not work, or why I believe it could cause delay in attachment and healing, and unnecessary hardship on all.

Because of trauma.... our children can be all over the age spectrum. They may be 11 in their body, but 3 emotionally.  When parenting them, you really have to understand if they are 3, that is where you parent them.  It is one of the hardest concepts to grasp, because you don't WANT them to be 3. You want to reason with them like an 11 year old...
What we have found, is if you reach them where they are... those gaps will fill in and your child will no longer be fragmented.

In my own children's cases, they all have vastly different backgrounds and experiences, the one thing that we have found that DOES work, is a consistent, unconditionally loving, stable, environment, where they were allowed to go through the grief process and heal.

Yes, our children grieved.  When they realized that their normal, all those years wasn't really normal, they finally allowed themselves to grieve.  If we can see the different stages our kids go through clearly, we will recognize grief.

There is NO way to determine how a child will react to a new family. If that could be predicted, there would be a whole lot of "do it this way" books out there.
Instead, our children come home with a very heavy suitcase of emotional baggage.... (think piles of Christmas Lights all wadded up and needing untangling)  and no instruction manual.
I remember Alli saying, "Every family says I am in a forever family."..... So we dropped that phrase from our vocabulary.

Our children come,  having lived, apart from us in a totally separate life. They have celebrated holidays, or not, in other countries and with different traditions. They have good memories and bad memories.  And we, before we got them, were used to how WE did things....
They cried themselves to sleep more times than not, and quivered with fear at the thought of being harmed in the middle of the night.
Sometimes they were tied down in their beds, and nobody came when they cried. So they stopped crying.
They learned very quickly that nobody will look out for them, and if they want food, they better get all they can, because it is scarce and nobody cares that you are hungry.
They learned that other kids are wanting the same things you do, and if you don't get it first, you may never get it, because there isn't any rule about fair.
They learned that it doesn't matter what you wear, because it isn't yours anyway.
They learned that there is something called a Mama and a Papa, and everybody wants one, but they don't really know what they are, really.
They learned that caretakers can be indifferent, sometimes downright mean, and sometimes nice. You never know what your are going to get.
They learned that some children leave with Mama's and Papa's and they cry because they miss them.
The caretakers tell them that they are the lucky ones, because the one that left will be killed and sold for body parts, so don't cry.
This is just a FRACTION of what they know when they come home.

Their world is very different from what most people experience  growing up. They don't know baseball, football, restaurants, church services, zoos, parks, beaches, and birthday celebrations.
They don't understand all the food. They don't get that the bed will be there for them tomorrow too, and they don't have to fight for a blanket anymore.
They don't get that mom and dad will love them.... forever.  In fact, many times, they don't understand what a mom and dad are for.
They get a little freaked out by all the attention and pull away. It is so foreign.  It takes a long time to unravel the world of the orphan.
SLOWLY.... layer by layer, emerges a new understanding, and a new dawning, that is both comforting to them, and painful at the same time.
It is comforting for a fleeting moment when they dare to trust, just a smidge... and painful when they realize just a taste of what they missed their whole life.

They hoard food. ( some call it stealing)  I don't believe a child can STEAL food.... food is for the needs of the family members and if they need food.... they NEED it, so FEED them.
(Alli has gained 10 lbs and 2 1/2 inches in 7 months and eats non stop. :) She is still very thin)

Sometimes they become collectors of the most interesting things..... when you find it... don't accuse, take notice, "Oh, I was looking for those nail clippers,  or, the flashlight is best kept in the kitchen drawer so we can remember where it is.  Would you like your own flash light? Simply ask them to put the item away or remind them where it belongs... whatever it is. :)  This may be a process that takes awhile to recover from. 
They may lash out at a sibling out of a lack of understanding that love is not scarce or limited but flows freely for all. LOVE THEM. And love the child lashed out upon. Encourage them to be part of the team.  We didn't adopt the girls until the boys were older. With the girls, they are very close in age.  We didn't adopt in birth order, but close enough. Alli is the youngest by 7 months.

When you need to instruct them, sometimes it won't be received.... those are rocking chair times. :)
(What do you mean I need a bath? I only took one once a week in Russia!)
Sometimes you just have to repeat, repeat, repeat,repeat.... "Yes, we take a bath every night. Remember? We talked about this?"  If they have possible FAE, they won't remember. We have to be patient until it becomes habit. :) Try reading a story to them while they are in the bath... or sing to them... Make up all sorts of silly songs for all sorts of things including cleaning rooms, making beds, etc.

As they begin to come to an understanding, they start to test the waters abit..... "So you love me? PROVE IT!  Nobody else has ever loved me..."
And the testing begins. 
Some see this as the "End of the Honeymoon Period".

I choose to see it as the beginning of REAL healing.  When a child feels they are finally safe.... that is sometimes when they can really grieve.

This is also the period of time where  a parent can lose control IF they do not  understand what is going on. The child tries to bring the parent into THEIR norm of control and chaos, because THAT is where they are comfortable.  The PARENT MUST RESIST this, and carefully, like a surgeon of the heart, bring the child into the world of peace and a new reality of belonging, of being cherished, of being LOVED.
It is a very humbling experience to be the parent of a child who is so needy, but doesn't believe they have a need. It is heartbreaking to  truly love a child who has never had the experience of being loved.
It is very challenging to try to guide a child  who thinks they don't need guidance. :)

I think sometimes we try to rush things, or  we think they SHOULD KNOW THIS BY NOW, (whatever it is) and we get impatient just doing life... And when we do, it backfires.  The unconditional love, suddenly has a condition and the child picks up on that like a strong radar signal going off.   And the wall goes up, and that is when the negative cycle can begin.... and some, unfortunately never get out of it.  
It turns into a button pushing fest for both parent and child.... and it will require that WE AS PARENTS stop it!   And I mean stop the cycle in a loving wave of acceptance and comfort. When they think they don't need it, we are there anyway. When they reject us, we are there anyway. When they hurl insults out of deep pain, we  are there anyway.... and we wrap our loving arms around them and keep them safe. And if we have children already in our home, we include them in the process teaching them also, to put themselves aside , and love unconditionally.   You become a team, a wave if you will, of love.

And then..... out of the ashes... a little bud of hope appears.  It starts to grow, and as you tend to that little bud, sometimes it will try to retreat and hide.... the sun is just too bright.... and the new world is just too scary.  One of the reasons it is so scary is because of a fear they just might lose it. They might lose  what they are beginning to love.
And so, when that happens, sometimes they try to make the inevitable (in their minds) happen. They try to make the process of rejection get sped up, because the anticipation hurts too much.
Unfortunately, THIS is the time, when many people throw in the towel.  They have given all they feel they can give.  They do not understand why the things that work on most kids isn't working on theirs.
They think, if I get a little harder, or punish a little more, that will make them understand.... when in reality, what they are dealing with is fear and  grief.  You cannot punish fear and  grief out of a person. You have to comfort and reassure and slowly guide them out to safety, in the process teaching them right from wrong, respect vs. disrespect, responsibility and how to love.  Loving instruction with unconditional acceptance.... goes a long way.
When you gain your child's trust....  (trust cannot be forced) and they know they are in their home to stay.... that is when real learning takes place. 

Is it a TALL order??  Ummm... Yes it is.  But it is so worth it. EVERY minute of it. Because in the process, not only your child grows, but you grow to in ways you never imagined. :)  The Lord leads and guides us along the way, and we find that our prayer life is MUCH improved! :)  We come to a deeper understanding of what GOD has done for us, through HIS sacrifice for us.
And we get to see our children turn into healthy, happy, productive kids that are no longer looking back, but looking forward to a newness of life that they never understood they could have.  And when we mess up.... an "I'm sorry can go a really long way!" :)

Tonight, Miss Alli spent a good amount of time in the shoppe with her dad. She was having so much fun out there she wanted to stay longer. :)   She also has kitchen duty this week.  Since she was having such a good time, I decided I'd go ahead and do the dishes.  I had just started when she came in. I was very pleased that she said, "Mom, that's my job, I'll take care of it!"..... So I was the helper and we did them  together. :)  7 months ago, this would not have happened.

I Know Two Little Girls...

who won't be climbing onto the roof anymore!
Yes, they climbed the front tree and onto the roof to "sit and talk".... The tree is SCARY enough!
I didn't seem to get a satisfactory answer as to why they decided to go up there, after being told no the other day.....
They said, "We didn't know you meant today, just the other day..." Ummm. No.
So,
Since I have to work in the office and daddy is in the shoppe and they looked so sad that they couldn't climb onto the roof, we decided to let them help us.
Daddy is so sweet. He is having Alli help him organize his tools while he works on a car, and talking to her the whole time about obeying.
Sarah is helping sweep things with me, and we are having the same conversation. :)

I can't believe we have a SECOND batch of KIDS that climb ROOFS!
I NEVER climbed a roof when I was a kid.  UGH
However, Mike DID! He remembers doing it with his brother.
The boys climbed the school roof and then thanked God at family prayer time that they made it up on the roof and back down safely!  That was an interesting prayer. Everybody's eyes were opened for the rest of that one. LOL
And I know another person who climbed onto a roof with HIS brother, and it resulted in 2 broken
ankles!
His brother told him if he just stepped down on the garage door, it would lower him down slowly and he could pretend to fly. They had capes.  He did.... and the door slammed shut and he fell to the ground.

A Little Change

I finally figured out how to do a collage thanks to Katie a Blessed Mommy, giving Erika instructions on how to do it! :)  THANKS KATIE!
So, the header has a new collage.... Now to figure out how to make it a little bigger. :)

Our Little Sweetheart

Tonight I am so full of thankfulness. Our little Alli had such a wonderful week. :)  She sat between daddy and I on the bed tonight and prayed with us, thanking the Lord for her family and for her week.
She was just beaming. :)
Thank You Lord for our sweet little girl. :)

This was a very creative way to get rid of  packing supplies. :)  HO HO HO! LOL

The Snugglers

I love it when I catch the girls snuggling together. :)  Right before I got in the room, I heard one of them say, "She's armed with a camera!" :)

CHRISTCHURCH NZ-

"The Garden City of New Zealand"

Thank you HOLLY, for the beautiful post card! You have gorgeous hand writing, and there was a lot of good information on that card about each picture. :)
The girls were very excited to get your card. :)

I would love to see NZ in my lifetime. :)

The Disturbing World of the Pearls Part 2.

I wrote yesterday about TTUAC and the disturbing thoughts that I have read in this book.  There have been deaths, and many cases of abuse... I just read about one today where a child was hospitalized with kidney failure due to this type of teaching.

This will be my last post on this topic in this manner.  I wrote here, why that is.
I feel that I need to address this post because of the theology issue.  False teaching is VERY serious.

Here is a direct quote from the section in the book called, "The Power of Absolution".


"The parent holds in his hand, (in the form of a little switch) the power to ABSOLVE THE CHILD OF GUILT, CLEANSE HIS SOUL, INSTRUCT HIS SPIRIT, STRENGTHEN HIS RESOLVE, AND GIVE HIM A FRESH START THROUGH A CONFIDENCE THAT ALL INDEBTEDNESS IS PAID.
"The blueness of a wound cleanseth away evil: so do stripes the inward parts of the belly. Proverbs 20:30.  Inward parts of the belly " is a description of the physical sensations associated with guilt.
(He says this is Proverbs 20:30) My bible says, "blows that would cleanse away evil, strokes make clean the innermost parts.   This is written amidst a huge amount of "reasoning verses" such as:
vs 17  Bread gained by deceit is sweet to a man, but afterward his mouth will be full of gravel.
SO, does anybody believe that the person really has gravel in his mouth?
Also, would the word "blueness" lead a person reading, that that would be a bruise?


Stripes ("scourgeth" Hebrews 12:6) are said to be to the soul what he healing blood flow is to a wound. A child properly and timely spanked is healed in the soul and restored to wholeness of spirit. A CHILD CAN BE TURNED BACK FROM THE ROAD TO HELL THROUGH PROPER SPANKINGS.  
 This is CLASSIC false teaching! There is NO SCRIPTURE that says that through proper spankings you  can be healed and restored in spirit. NOT ONE.

"Withhold not correction from the child; for if though beatest him with the rod, he shall not die. Thou shalt beat him with the rod, and shalt deliver his soul from hell.  Proverbs 23: 13-14.
This verse is in the same area of proverbs mentioned above. Refer to the gravel verse. :) But I will say,  Obviously we must discipline our children. YES. To NOT discipline and not instruct is insane.
Of course parents are responsible to teach their children.
This verse obviously does not mean what Pearl says it means because children died. 



FATHER, AS A HIGH PRIEST OF THE FAMILY, YOU CAN RECONCILE YOUR CHILD TO NEWNESS OF LIFE. GUILT GIVES SATAN A JUST CALLING CARD AND A DOOR OF ACCESS TO YOUR CHILD. IN ACCOMPANIMENT WITH TEACHING, THE PROPERLY ADMINISTERED SPANKING IS RESTORATIVE AS NOTHING ELSE CAN BE.


Here again, there is not scripture that says you can reconcile your child to newness of life! 
Guilt does not give Satan a just calling. Scripture calls Satan an accuser.   
Where is the GOSPEL ?????
This is a section on guilt:
GUILT
Therefore, toward understanding the nature of a child, a knowledge of the presence of guilt is essential in the application of chastisement. A spanking (whipping paddling, switching, belting) is indispensable to the removal of guilt in your child. His very conscience (nature) demands punishment.
Most psychological problems are rooted in guilt. Guilt ONLY occurs where one HONESTLY judges himself to be worthy of blame.  One may inappropriately be convinced of blame, but the guilt is nonetheless, self incrimination.


The guilt burdened soul cries out for the lashes and nails of justice. Your child cannot yet understand that the Creator has been lashed and in his place. Only the rod of correction can preserve his soul until the day of moral dawning. ..... Guilt is the law's chief witness against the sinner.

Oh my.... I have much to say on this. But I will sum it up.  So, if a child is raped.... and they have guilt, he says they should be purged of their guilt though being spanked?  In the cases of our own sweet daughters, one who was tormented  by guilt and I repeat WAS..... because of her disruptions..... we should spank her??? REALLY??? She holds honest blame because she had guilt?????
Oh my words the implications of these statements shake me to my core.

Once again, GUILT is not "law's chief witness against the sinner"..... Satan is.  And when Satan accuses, Jesus Christ says PAID IN FULL! amen.

So, basically the book teaches that a parent can save their child.  This is a lie. A parent cannot offer salvation to a child. Salvation comes through Christ alone, through Faith.   We do NOT pay the penalty for our sin, Jesus Paid it ALL....
Jesus said, "Let the little children come to me, and stop keeping them away, because the kingdom of heaven belongs to people like these." Matthew 19:14.
John 3:16 says, "For God So Loved the World that HE gave His ONLY son that WHOEVER believes in Him will have eternal life."
And I leave with this:  HEBREWS 4:12- For the word of God is living and active, sharper than any two-edged sword, piercing to the division of soul and of spirit, of joints and of marrow and discerning the thoughts and intentions of the heart.

And here I will stop. There is no use in "beating a dead horse" you get the picture of what is in the book.
I will close this post with Psalm 23.....  (this verse is a Psalm of David)

The Lord is my shepherd; I shall not want. He makes me to lie down in green pastures. HE leads me beside still waters. HE restores my soul. He leads me in the paths of righteousness for HIS name's sake.  Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I WILL FEAR NO EVIL, for YOU ARE WITH ME.  Your ROD AND YOUR STAFF, they COMFORT ME. YOU prepare a table before me in the presence of my enemies and you anoint my head with oil, my cup overflows. SURELY GOODNESS AND MERCY will follow me all the days of my life, and I shall dwell in the house of the Lord forever.

My Concern

I wrote a heart felt post, the best I could regarding teachings that are so scary to me, yet seem to be prevalent.  It is so hard to walk the line of not throwing somebody under the bus, so to speak, yet exposing false teaching.  It is NEVER my intention to point and judge another person I have not met, or even met for that matter; yet I felt compelled to write opinion on the facts before me.  There are many good people who have opinions different  than my own, who glean from all sorts of books, use common sense and forget the rest.... then there are those who are dependent upon other's books.  If what I wrote could cause one person to rethink their ideas, then I am not sorry for writing it.  
I include myself, as being one who is constantly learning and taking to heart new ideas. If we cease to grow, we are not alive!
I carry a big burden in my heart over this, because Long ago, I spanked on occasion.  My intention was NEVER to harm my kids, and I would weep over it, because it just didn't seem right.  There were those around me who would say YOU MUST or you are not following scripture. 
I was set free from it, many years ago....long before the girls ever came. 
When my boys were small, I could have been one of those judgmental people looking at an out of control toddler and thinking, they need to get a hold of that kid! I am ashamed of that.  The Lord has taught me much, since I became a mother at 20. 
One thing I am very grateful for, is the scripture itself.  I am grateful for HIS love and mercy in my life, and that the Holy Spirit teaches and leads us into all truth.

So, with that, I will be commenting one more time on the issues of the gospel in the book, and then I will move on, and write in a positive way what I believe has helped us with our children; especially our children who come to us through adoption.  In writing in the positive, I think it is more helpful than writing in the negative.  If I just criticize a book, it doesn't say what to do instead..... and I'd rather offer hope and encouragement in all respect and gentleness.  Harshness just makes me want to take a bath. :)

Baking Cookies With Alli and Sarah

Alli and Sarah asked if they could bake cookies.  I let them take over to see what would happen.....
Probably not the best way to teach. LOL
So, they found a recipe for Peanut Butter Cookies and did a pretty good job of following the instructions.

They put them in the oven, and then..... they ran outside to play...??? 

So I had this dilemma.
Do I say nothing and let the cookies burn to a crisp....
Do I say, HEY COME AND GET YOUR COOKIES!
Do I get the cookies out myself???

I decided to do something in between, since I offered no instruction in the first place.  My fault.

And the cookies turned out pretty good!
Next lesson will be in how much cookie dough to use.... LOL

Sarah and Alli

Two little sisters sitting in a tree. :)
Enjoying each other's company.

Ever Need A Reminder??

"Come to me all you who are weary and heavy laden and I will give you rest."  Matthew 11:28

What Is Miss Broody Britches Up To?

BROODING of course! :)

20 days until hatch day. :)

The Disturbing World of the Pearls

 JUST IN CASE!! TO MAKE IT CLEAR::::: I THINK THE PEARLS AND THE BOOK TO TRAIN UP A CHILD ARE EXTREMELY DISTURBING .  What I have written below are excerpts from the first book and a little from the website.   CM


I was challenged the other day, that I was being unfair to the Pearl's teachings and that it was unfair that they were being brought into 3 recent murder cases.  I think it would be safe to say there are COUNTLESS child abuse cases where they are "center stage".
So, what I did, was take it to heart.
I decided that I would go back and read the ORIGINAL book that I skimmed years ago and decided it was not for us.
The newer book, I have not read, and may need to get to compare.  What I did notice in the Lydia Schatz case, was that her parents had the old version of the book. I didn't see the copies of the other families involved.
The website still contains information that was so disturbing I had tears reading it.

Michael Pearl gets upset and says people are taking what he says out of context. He says that he has never advocated beating a child. He says he has never advocated child abuse and people just don't understand what he is saying.  So, I took that to heart.  EVEN in HIS BOOK, he says this.
But his book is very schizophrenic.  He says that, and he also says the opposite.

 You really do need a tutorial for his book, because the words he uses do not mean the same things that you would think they do.
His opening premise is and I quote IN CONTEXT:

"Training does not necessarily require the trainee be capable of reason; even mice and rats can be trained to respond to stimuli.Careful training can make a dog perfectly obedient. If a seeing eye dog can be trained to reliably lead a blind man through the obstacles of a city street, shouldn't a parent expect more out of an intelligent child?  A dog can be trained not to touch a tasty morsel laid in front of him,. Can't a child be trained not to touch? A dog can be trained to come, stay, sit, be quiet or fetch upon command. You may not have trained your dog that well, yet every day someone accomplishes it on the dumbest mutts. Even a clumsy teenager can be trained to be an effective trainer in a dog obedience school."

So, there you have it.  Pearl compares children to mice and dogs.  And a couple of paragraphs later starts with TENNNN--HUTTTT!!!!! He believes in training children like you would for the military. NO thinking allowed!

My son Joe commented that, "Military training is specifically designed for out of the ordinary circumstances like WAR, so you don't think and will do something dangerous and even contrary to your gut feeling.  We don't want our children to NOT THINK!"

Pearl uses the word train = to switch
Pearl uses the word chastise= spank
Pearl uses the word discipline= beat

His words are progressive and to read the book properly, you must know this. When he says TRAIN, he is talking about physical use of plumber supply line, switches from trees.  When he says chastise: he uses both a little harder,  and when he used the word discipline, he even mentioned paddle and belt.

He says quote:
"There is much satisfaction in training up a child It is easy and challenging."  (which is it, easy or challenging?)
"When my children were able to crawl, (in the case of one, roll) around the room, I set up training sessions. "
So he set his INFANTS up so they could be "trained" or switched.....  On his website, I down loaded an article where he described in DETAIL switching his baby at 4 months old for trying to go onto the stairs. He says he switched (him or her) several times and finally layed the switch on the stairs and the baby stayed away from the stairs.

In fact, he suggests having switches all over your house because you will need them on average 4 or 5 times a day! YIKES! REALLY!!!!!  Golly if you had 5 kids, that is 25 sessions a day in hitting kids.
Oh, I forgot, it isn't hitting. They don't hit. They train. (sarcasm intended)

Back to the book:  He has a section called "Come when I call you", where a 10-12 month old baby is in "booty camp"..... yep that is what he said.
He suggests getting them deeply interested in a toy and then going in the other room and calling them.  If they don't come, the father explains the necessity of immediately coming when called....
The baby is returned to the toy and left alone long enough to again become engrossed in the toy. Another call.... father explains , sets child up again. This time, child is "lightly spanked" and "lectured"!  "The father continues this THROUGHOUT THE EVENING until the child readily and immediately responds to a summons. Thereafter, until the child leaves home, he is expected to drop everything and come upon the first call. As long as the parents remain consistent, the child will consistently obey. This "obedience training" is carried out in the utomost patience and concentration. The spanking should not be viewed as punishment but as reinforcement to commands"
Really??? You explain details to a baby and expect them to understand and then spank them???
But when you spank him you aren't punishing him, just training him?????

Frankly, if an animal was trained in this way, it would be a very dangerous animal.

I have  DEEP concern about what he says about children who have not been "trained' at an early age.
TRAIN=switched, especially ADOPTED children.

The following is an exact quote:
To Do My Duty
 When the time comes to apply the rod, take a deep breath, relax and pray, "Lord, make this a valuable learning session. Cleanse my child of ill-temper and rebellion. May I properly represent our cause in this matter."  No jerking around. No raised voice. The child should be able to anticipate the coming rod by your utterly calm and controlled spirit.  At this point, IN UTTER PANIC, he will rush to demonstrate obedience. NEVER reward delayed obedience by reversing the sentence.  (this is so hard for me to type, because I can just feel how this fits in the case of Lydia Schatz and Hana Williams)
And unless all else fails, don't drag him to the place of cleansing. Part of his training is to come submissively. (training meaning switching)  However, if you are just beginning to institute training
on an already rebellious child, who runs from discipline and is too incoherent to listen, then use WHATEVER FORCE is necessary to bring him to bay. If you have to sit on him to spank him, then do not hesitate. And hold him there until he is surrendered. Prove that you are bigger, tougher, more patiently enduring and are unmoved by his wailing. DEFEAT him TOTALLY. Accept no conditions for surrender. No compromise. You are to rule over him as a benevolent sovereign. Your word is final.

He goes on to say.....
"Use your own judgment as to what is effective. I found five to ten licks usually sufficient. Sometimes, with older children, usually when the licks are not FORCEFUL enough, the child may still be rebellious. If this occurs, take time to instruct and then continue the spanking. A general rule is to continue the disciplinary action UNTIL THE CHILD IS SURRENDERED.  A spanking is made effective, not by its severity but by its certainty. Spankings don't have to be as hard where they are consistently applied.Your calm dignity will set hte stage to make it more effective. "




Ok, that is all I can type on this right now, it is too upsetting.  He will use extreme verses about beating and uses the word through out his book, yet then says spankings don't have to be as hard as long as you are consistently applying them?? WHAT?  SO, if they don't hurt, why would a child be in UTTER PANIC???
On his website yesterday in the section "The Rod" he  describes that the backside of a child is where to strike them.. This can be the back down to the feet.
And that is what happened to Lydia and Hanna. :(

My next post will be about his screwed up theology regarding children..... Oh my.... it is oh so perverted and strange.
And then there are NUMEROUS examples of not allowing a child food and various strange ideas on what to do if a child does anything including a baby  cry if they fall down. Oh yes, he says "switch them".  UGH






 

Miss Broody Britches.....aka Midnight

We gave an unplanned Science Experiment! They are usually the best kind!  We have a chicken who has gone broody.  Today is her second day of sitting on eggs.  She has 4 of them.   So during the month we will document her behavior which is mostly..... brooding. LOL

We will document how often she gets up to stretch and we will hopefully watch the chicks hatch out of their shells.   The average chicken sits for 21 days before eggs hatch.... I'll post updates and hopefully catch the process on video when they are ready to come into the world. :)

Three Steps Forward!

We are in the 3 steps forward mode right now, and I am ENJOYING IT! :)
Yesterday and today have gone really well. :)  All 4 girls ALL at the SAME TIME, have been GREAT!

One thing happened today that could have gone either way, and I am so proud of Alli for making the right decision!
It was time for school to be over and the girls were going to go on a bike ride. Right before they left, I asked Alli, "Did you finish all of your school work?"
She said, "Yes Maam."
And for some reason, I just didn't remember her doing her phonics today.
So I asked, "May I please check your phonics book?"
She handed it to me, and I checked.  She had not done it.


So, I explained that before bike riding she would have to do her phonics.  She didn't groan....
and I went on to explain that I was concerned she told me she did all her work, and she didn't.
I asked her, "What does that tell mommy?"
She immediately said, "Mommy, I lied, and I am very sorry. I'll do my work right now."
I have to say, I was really surprised at her willingness to confess and repent.  I believe she really was sorry.  We hugged and I put the timer on for 30 minutes.  She CHEERFULLY did her work! And when she was done, she was so proud of herself.
This is something we have been working toward for a long time. :)  
She and her sisters went for  a long walk afterwards so Erika could be included. (Erika cannot ride a bike)

I am really thankful that Alli was able to be honest. I am thankful that during prayer time she thanked the Lord for helping her to be honest. :)

Anna and Alli

 I love how each of the girls relate to each other. Erika and Alli have a tender, older sister, younger sister relationship and Alli really looks up to Erika. In fact, she has been quoted "If mom goes to the store, we have to listen to Erika!"
Anna found that though Amusing! :)  After all, she is only 5 months younger than Erika. :)

Anna is Alli's comic relief sister. :)  They get along well and Alli loves to hear Anna tell jokes.
I think they are bonding very nicely! :)

Anna made this card for Alli today. :)

How Many More Days Until......

CHRISTMAS!!!!  AHHHH!

That was Alli's question today.  LOL  The season is starting to change and she saw Halloween Candy at the store. That means, Thanksgiving, and Anna's birthday and then Christmas!  She is so excited that she will be home for each of these huge events! :) 
The girls have been telling her all about the Reformation Party  in Celebration of Reformation Day...on October 31.  She is really looking forward to it.

She is also looking forward to getting her own ornament. I love the process of making new memories for each of the holidays.

WELCOME FALL!

I AM SO ANGRY!!!! HERE WE GO AGAIN!

HERE WE GO AGAIN! (Click on this link for news story)

I am not one to ban books, but FRANKLY! The PEARLS NEED TO BE BANNED!
Another black eye for the adoption community and for the home schooling community!
REALLY PEOPLE.... THE PEARLS ADVOCATE CHILD ABUSE!!!!!
Another child is DEAD! DEAD MEANS YOU KILLED THEM! MURDERED THEM!!!!
GOOD HEAVENS WHAT IS WRONG WITH PEOPLE!

Pray For Our Brothers and Sisters in Chains

Praying today for our brothers and sisters who live in societies where Christianity can bring the death penalty and much suffering.  Praying for this pastor and his family as they endure much for trusting in Christ. Here is the link.

Oh Lord You're Beautiful

Precious Sister Love

Alli is doing so great! I am so proud of her.  I must say, that Alli has 3 sisters rooting for her success, besides mom and dad. :) 
Each one of them is on TEAM MINICH as always.  But today, I'm going to talk a little about Erika. :)

Erika has overcome so much herself and she is a beautiful, sweetheart.  Erika learned how to knit when she had her feet amputated. She started on a knitting loom like the one Alli is holding.  She decided to teach Alli how to knit too.  Alli has really taken to it, and they sit together every day and talk and snuggle and knit. 
The other day when Alli was a little frustrated with her math.... I watched Erika walk by her, put her arm around her and kiss her on the cheek.   That was exactly the affirmation Alli needed. Erika is very sensitive  and has very keen intuition. :)

Alli ADORES Erika.  They have developed a very close relationship and it is precious to see. 

OH MY! SOMETHING FUN!

I played banjo when I was younger. When I was 19, my banjo was stolen in a robbery. I got it back the next year, and then it got broken.  Life had its twists and turns and I never replaced it. 
I started feeling like I wanted to play it again.....35 years later. LOL
So, I looked on EBAY and found this lonely old banjo that somebody had purchased from a Pawn Shoppe and had sitting in their closet the last few years.  I bid on it. CHEAP.... and I was the only bidder.
I WON!
So..... my Banjo arrived today!!!!

 Oh the Anticipation!

 WHAT A MESS!

And there it is, in all its oldness! :)

I took it to Guitar Center and had it restrung... he said the head is in good shape and I didn't even need a new bridge. :)
So, with new strings and a new pick, Erika and I headed home.....

So here I am.... ready to try:
And here is my try:  I have a LOT of catching up to do!

And somehow..... I think I am going to have dueling banjos here soon....... :)

The Importance of Punctuation

It could save your life! :)

 This SHOULD read:  GRANDMA'S..... Do Not Eat!

Yes, the second one is correct!

All Ya-Yas and Grandmas thank you for getting it right!

When God Intervenes

God intervenes in our lives and gives to us circumstances in life that will cause us to grow in Him. He uses us, if we let Him, as HIS HANDS and HIS FEET and we extend HIS LOVE to those around us, when we are willing to do so.  And when we do, we see great things. GREAT things, not just in other's lives, but in our own lives too.
I found this quote on "Wrong In All The Right Ways" blog. God does not begin by asking us about our ability, but only about our availability, and if we then prove our dependability, he will increase our capability. I have found it to be so true. :)
Oh how we MUST depend upon our Lord. :) He is not optional,  He is our very life source. 
 We have had wonderful smoothe sailing waters with Miss Alli, and then tumultuous waters with Miss Alli.  Today, I will refer to both, because HEALING involves stretching and pain.

The last two days have been so healing..... but they have been hard too. 
One of Alli's biggest fears is that if we think she has told a lie, that will mean we don't love her anymore.  So she'll say, "If you think I lied, then you don't love me!"  Well, she DID tell a few lies, and we confronted those lies, and she clammed up with tears and anger and yelling and accusing and saying, "Well, since you don't believe me, you DON'T love me!"
Both Mike and I calmly spoke truth to her last night and confronted her.  She was going to have NONE of it.  We prayed and went to bed.
This morning.... she awoke as a rather agitated bear.  She was still not ready to deal with truth. In fact, it took her a good part of the day. 
We decided at about 9:00, it was time to confront her head on.  YOU ARE LYING AND WE LOVE YOU!  We worked together through the fall out of that statement.  That means, we held her while she tried to throw a major tantrum..... she exhausted herself. We remained her constant. We were firm,  honest and truthful with her.
We love you... You lied.
Once we got a calm sense from her.... as she exhausted herself.... we were able to directly address her deepest fear.  The abandonment fear. The one that says, "If you really know me, and how shameful I can be, then you won't love me."  That fear!
We hit it head on today.......
I told her the dreams I have for her. I look forward to the day when she is a happy teenager and says, "Mom, I'm going to the movies!" "Mom, can I borrow the car!" "Mom, I met this really nice man!"
"Mom, we are going to get married!" "Mom, I'm going to have a baby!" "Mom, I love my baby so much!"  And I look forward to the day when she holds that little one and loves them deeply and NEVER hurts or abandons them.  I look forward to the day when she can tell her story, of how GOD worked in her life, and how HE changed her from the inside out! I look forward to the day when she stands before a group and teaches them about God's LOVE and MERCY..... those are my dreams for her.  Her tears flowed.
And there was calm for about 2 hours.
Then came math.
She was back at it.
This time, however,  after she ran to her room and slammed the door shut.....
I took a deep breath and waited for about 5 minutes.
When I went in.... I felt that there were some specific things to say. They were different.
I did not address the behavior but the shame behind the behavior.
"I bet you feel so badly behaving in such a way!"
"I bet you feel really scared, like we won't love you anymore."
And then the tears flowed once again.  She said she was so ashamed, but didn't know how to stop it.
At that point I said, "This is how you stop it." "You go and wash your face and hands, and then, we go and do your math." It is that simple!

She did it! She calmed herself while washing and then finished her math in a few minutes. (literally!)
After that, she finished the rest of her school.
She expressed that she doesn't know why she behaves in such a way. I believe that. I don't think she knows why. I DO think I know why.  11 years of NO instruction whatsoever, and a trauma background , along with total rejection from 2 other families have deeply wounded her!
And the rest of today has been great.  I am confident that we turned a huge corner with her facing her fear of rejection.  Her being able to admit to her lie is HUGE.

I actually received a nice note from her saying, "Mama, I'm sorry I lied"... but it was spelled liyd. :)
"I love you".

I'm sure we have much more ground to cover. :)

But tonight during our prayer time, she confessed her sin to the Lord and asked for forgiveness.....with each specific thing she had done today. :) And then, she mentioned to the Lord what she would like to become.... "I want to be a loving lady. I want to be truthful and honest and kind when I grow up."

And that places everything into perspective, because I want the same thing. :)






 

Oh To Be HIS Hands Extended.....

I saw this picture today on facebook, and then again on my friend Jeane's Blog (blessed by a child).
The photo was taken by Mike Wells,  to show the extent of starvation in Africa. He took it for a magazine, and when they went 5 months without printing it, he decided to enter it into a competition, but did not want money for the photo.

It is said,  "Pictures are worth a thousand words", and this one certainly fits that category.  The hand is that of a missionary in Uganda holding the hand of a dying boy. It does not say the boy's age....

We saw many children in Ukraine that were too small for their ages due to neglect and not enough food. I have seen video of children in orphanages who are starving to death. Some of you have brought home children who were hours away from dying because of a lack of food. 

I am priveledged to know a handful of folks out there who have changed the lives of children forever. I am priveledged to know those who go day in and day out and minister to the orphans that are etched in our memories.  May we NEVER EVER forget those left behind. :( 

That is what haunts me the most; the ones who are left behind. 

I bet this missionary never thought he would be holding such a precious little hand and sharing a loving moment in such a dire time.  I am sure he was changed forever, just as each of us who have gone overseas and seen the orphanages, are changed forever.   May we all continue to be the Hands and feet of Christ and never cease working until He comes!

I challenge each of you who have an adoption/family/ blog to repost this photo.  People are STARVING  while we are laughing and playing and going to restaurants, throwing out more food than many of these people have seen in a lifetime. :(

For All My Canadian Readers :)

I thought this was pretty funny. :)  Enjoy.

Growing

I am so proud of Anna.  She is going to be 13 in a couple of months.  Last week she had kitchen duty.  She did such a great job and I never had to ask her to do anything all week.  I was really impressed! :)
Thank you Anna!

And of course she did suggest that if we adopted 52 kids, she would only have kitchen duty for 1 week out of the year! LOL