The Not So Thrilled Kindergartner :)

Lilly was thrilled to start school on Thursday, but today, NO WAY! She played today. :)
She kept asking if Sarah or Anna could please play kitchen with her, but they were busy doing school work. She finally decided to take a nap. Poor Baby, lost all her playmates.
She did however enjoy the library today.

How Deep The Father's Love For Us

How Deep The Father's Love For Us

The First Day of School 2009

We got off to a good start yesterday, and had a couple of extra students! Our grand daughters do not start Public School until August 24th, so we just added them to our classroom. :)







The Ponytail Brigade :)

True Grace, Religiosity and BCLC

Somebody asked the question is BCLC was compatible with Christianity, as in, if it taught a "false doctrine", how could you use it with your children?

I have been studying this for a while, and I would really like to address that issue, as something has been made very clear to me in my study and I am quite excited about it.

BCLC speaks often about unconditional love and forgiveness; not parenting from a fear base but a place of love. It is not consequence based, Logic based, or control based, therefore the title is, "Beyond Consequences, Logic and Control.

I was reading a book today having nothing to do with this, yet I found it had EVERYTHING to do with it. The Title of the Book was "The Reason for God" by Timothy Keller. In the book I was reading the chapter "Religion and the Gospel". It began to cover the difference between "Phariseeism" vs. "Grace" and how one leads somebody to be accepted based upon performance, and by fear of punishment, where the other, is based upon acceptance because of love.

Let me explain:

Pharisees lives are driven by the despair of sin. They build their sense of worth on their moral and spiritual performance as a kind of "resume" to present before God and the World. The moral and spiritual standards of all religions are very high and Pharisees know how deep down they are not fully living up to those standards. The result is internal anxiety, insecurity , irritability caused great distress and from lack of measuring up. It shows itself in pride, fierce judgmentalism and even self righteousness and defensive criticism. It is based upon fear, of eternal judgment as the pharisee can never live up to a Holy God.

Phariseeism says, "I obey, therefore I am accepted by God".


Grace however, just sounds too easy. Nice deal! I trust, and then I can do what I want. That however is NOT TRUE. Having experienced true grace causes a person to say,
"I am accepted, therefore I obey!" That obedience is based upon the unconditional love poured into us and onto us. The motivation is not from fear of punishment but it is motivated by love and joy. It is motivated by security.

In Christianity I would say, "I am a child of God".
In our Family, I tell the girls, "You are a Minich!"

Grace and Mercy frees us from the bondage of expected performance, to make a life worth living and loving.
In Christianity, we are not accepted because of our performance, but because of a forgiving Savior.

In BCLC, our children are loved unconditionally not based upon what they do or how they perform, but sacrificially loved, laying our lives down as living examples to show a light out of a very dark place. When our children respond to that, it is very much a parallel to what I have written above.

So let's take our children who come to us for acceptance. When they have a warped view of our love for them, which is unconditional, or should be.... or if we give them conditions for accptance, which many times we do.... it can cause them to view themselves as not measuring up, never being good enough, and can lead to anxiety, depression, anger and acting out.

However, if we take our children's behaivors in stride, and see them through they eyes of simple grace, extented to them with loving hearts, patiently showing them we love them unconditionally, not based upon what they do, but we love them JUST BECAUSE, and then accept them, JUST BECAUSE, the results are astounding!

It may take time for them to respond, as they do not initially trust. But when they DO TRUST, and I promise, they do.... the result is so delightful, the relationship, so delightful, and all of the barriers are broken down. You have relationship that you never dreamed. Your children come to you and seek you out, they love you, they care about what you think, they WANT to please you and it is an amazing experience.

I see it in my own life before my Lord... I do want to please the Lord, I do care to please him, not from fear but out of gratitude and love.

I see the girlies, and our boys too, in the very same way.

The relationship is free to blossom in love.

Churches, Locations, Involvement

This has been on my mind for a very long time. We moved about 40 minutes away from our church about 7 years ago.
When we were closer, we seemed to be much more involved, especially with mid week activities such as Awana.

As gas prices have increased, our church body has changed, our family has grown, our needs have changed and some of our ideas about interaction within the church body has changed, we are exploring the very tedios idea of finding a local body of believers in which we can share fellowship and be more involved.

We have been at our Present church since the mid 1990's. Maybe close to 14 years? I honestly can't remember. All I remember is that Marcus was in 6th grade, and he is now in grad school, married, and has 2 children. :)

Change is always hard. There would be those we miss terribly, and those we have had wonderful relationships with. But... we know that this move will also bring about blessing in our lives as we meet new believers, are able to fellowship in a local area and become more involved in our community.

We are weighing all these thoughts out in our hearts and would really appreciate any prayers offered on our behalf.

We are praying for wisdom, insight and that we make the right decision for our family.

51

Yesterday was my Birthday. :) It was made very special by 5 little girls. Katie and Erika made a gluten free Sponge Cake with Lemon drizzle. It was really great! Lillian gave me a very nice foot rub... though, I heard her say something about removing my toe and throwing the bone away. YIKES!

Anna enjoyed spending time and decorating, and making sure I was kept out of the way so they could make a nice dinner for Mike and I. :)

Mike gave me "The Enchanted Treasure Chest of Wonders".....

"I wonder where the bathroom is?" "I wonder if these sore spots are permenant?"
"I wonder where my bifocals are?" Hmmmm. He gets to have a 50th soon..... my brain is working..... "I wonder if it will work right by then?" LOL

Here are some photos from yesterday.

Our Other Grandson

This is a recent picture of Sam. Sam lives in MD and is just a month older than Will.
Isn't he just adorable. :)

2 Of My Grandsons

Arent' they the sweetest? :)

They have 2 great parents too. :)

Wrigley's Gum

I am not a gum chewer, and prefer for the kids not to chew gum. But once in a while we splurge and let them get gum.

Well, that has ended. I was checking out the ingredients to see what was in the Wrigley's NON SUGAR FREE GUM...

I have that capped because I have NEVER EVER allowed any of our 7 children to have any form of diet food or ASPERTAME, which is POISON!

Well, to my surprise, in the REGULAR Wrigley's gum, along with regular sugar, there was Aspertame!

I am mad about this, and SHOCKED! Why are they putting aspertame in gum as well as sugar? I have no idea, but I do plan to write the company and let them know we will not chew their gum....

For those who don't know, there is a definite relationship between Parkinson's Disease, MS and Aspertame!

Golly I'm angry about this.

Modeling Behaviors

When I was a kid, my mom would say something like, "Stop whining!" You know, I really never knew what she meant. I probably was whining, don't recall why, but I know it was an issue more than once, as I remember getting in trouble for it more than once.

I was in the store today, with 3 of the girls and one of my daughters started to "whine". Why? She was disappointed that we hadn't had our mommy daughter time this month, and it is already next month. Sometimes that happens, and with the recent events going on in our neck of the woods, I'm surprised we even made it to the store. :)

So, here we were, all together, and I asked her if she wanted to pick out a collar for her goat. She whined, "we were supposed to do that alone together!"
I know she was disappointed that we missed our date, but that was not the place to let me know, OR to whine! :)

So, I let her know I knew she was disappointed and let her know that I was sad to have missed our date too, BUT.... we can have a good time now, and if she wants that collar, we can get it while we are at the store.

She decided to wait.

When we got home, I told her I wanted to do a role play with her. She was to be me, and I was to be her. I was going to show her what "whining" was like.

So we engaged in a rather humorous banter back and forth with her trying to be me and me trying to be her. We both wound up laughing, but I think she got a better idea of what "whining" is.

She said she didn't know it sounded like that. As a matter of fact, she thought I sounded down right awful and she couldn't have sounded THAT bad. LOL

I assured her she did. :)

So what happened the rest of the day?

She first came to me later and said, "Mama, I'm sorry I acted like that."
Then, she has been cheerful and helpful.

And, I do plan to take her this month to get that collar for her goat, during our special date. :)

More Thoughts on Discipline

I have been reading, reading READING.... and have had a hard time sleeping with all the things going on in my heart and mind.

So I thought I would share a few of them.....

One of the books I am reading is called "Spare the Child" The religious Roots of Punishment and the Psychological Impact of Physical Abuse. by Philip Greven

Something that was blaring on the radar screen of my mind was the idea of discipline=punishment.... all the Harshest of punishments which were hair raising in this book did not seem to cause the recipients to change.... only to suffer.

While much of what I read was outright severe abuse against children, mixed with confused religiosity, I was continually shocked at the blindness of how parents couldn't see the damage they were causing their children. Many of these famous preachers of their day who were featured children in this book had other siblings and I wonder what happened to them?

As I have been reading this, the big part glaring in my mind has to do with true DISCIPLINE..... discipleship. Not memorizing catecisms, which is a good thing, not standing over and directing every move, not punitively looking down our glasses while our children wait for the next blow.... but teaching true discipline, true SELF discipline.

This doesn't happen in a session where a child is spanked for every infraction, having their will broken and spirit damaged, and then taught how to think.

What it can happen is in dialogue. Talking to our children, getting to know how they think, what they feel, how they understand the world around them, and then gently guiding them in conversation, and presenting new ideas for them to grasp.

Example:
If you are at a store and your child asks for something and you need to tell them no; and their reaction is one of sadness or disappointment, that isn't a bad thing. It is NORMAL.... I get disappointed sometimes too. So what is so wrong with acknowledging their disappointment, and then using that moment as teaching moment to help them see that the world doesn't revolve around their wants, that money must go for clothing and food, and that God is our gracious provider. Then, having them help pick out foods that we can truly be thankful for, and teaching them that if they work extra hard, earn a little more money, they just might have enough to buy that thing they want so badly.
Come up with ways for them to earn extra change, and make a positive experience of it.
Later during other conversations, you can come up with stories of children who were actually selfish in their thinking, and the outcomes of being too self focused.

This child will learn self discipline. They will learn thankfulness, they will learn that we must work hard for things we desire to have. And... they will learn that sometimes, they really didn't want it that much. I can't tell you how many times, after our girls earn money for something they have wanted, they wind up changing their mind, as that money has true value to them now.

Let's go back to the original example: The child disappointed about not getting what they wanted.
What if the parent were to tell the child they were being selfish. Tell them selfishness is sin, and they are going to be spanked for their sinful attitude?
How is that going to help a child understand what to do next, other than hide how they really feel so they won't be struck next time?

These are just thoughts coming to mind as I am processing all the info in my head.

Some might say, why not combine the two.... teaching and punishing. I would say, if you can have results in the first place, it seems punishing is not relevant....

And if you don't have immediate results that you want to have.... well, I'm not so sure punishment will make any difference. It seems more discussion to help a child understand would be in order. More coming alongside, more relationship.....
hmmmmm.

What I have seen in regards to spanking, is that spankings don't seem to do anything other than hurt. If they really worked well, wouldn't children cease behaviors that would cause parents to think they needed one?

My point is that spanking is not discipline. Spanking is punishment. It is a tactic used by some to get external control through fear. Thus creating the illusion that quiet, fear filled children are cheerful, obedient, reverent children.... and the only thing that might be true in the above statement is the fear filled part.

Texas Rain, Texas Summer

So what do 5 little girls do when it is raining on a Summer day?

Tea Parties. They are always good for tea parties. :)

Chuck, Jodie, Katie, Lilly

They are here....

Pruning

This is another side to my last post. I want to balance it out, but the other one was quite long.

There is much scripture especially in the New Testament that compares Christ with the vine, and us as branches. It goes on to talk about the task of pruning for the good of the vine.

Scripture also says that as son's, we can expect the discipline of the Lord, otherwise we would be illigitimate children.

If we are part of the Family of God, we have been purchased with the Blood of Christ, we have been drawn by the Spirit to a salvific faith, then we belong to Him as his adopted Children, whereby we can say, "Abba Father"; or "daddy".

There are many parts of parenting our children that can seem unpleasant in the trenches. If our children are demonstrating selfishness, or disrespect, it is our job to teach them and guide them to a better way. Sometimes, that can be painful. Introspection can be painful.

I remember sitting down with one of our girls and letting them know that their attitude was unacceptable. The tears started, and as we sat together and talked things through, and then we prayed together and then we talked some more, and then we talked about how to get that golf ball out of the weeds and onto the green. :)
She was open and listening and I sensed a genuine change in her spirit.

Another time, one of our girls wasn't so open. She didn't even want to pray, so I prayed for her. She was very upset about an issue. (she was right in her own mind, but obviously wrong) LOL After rocking her and calming her, we were able to come to a place where she could finally see, and then was willing to repent and receive instruction.

I think for those who belong to Christ, as adults, God deals with us in the same ways. We are confronted through the word with truth, or from the pulpit, or from a friend's word. If it is from the Lord, we receive it, and sometimes we don't. But there is a pruning taking place. There are weeds being pulled from our hearts every day, and sometimes entire limbs are removed. That can really hurt. But our heavenly father isn't standing over us laughing, or mocking or glaring down.... He is the pruner, who is pruning out of love for us, for our own benefit, because he sees the big picture. The eternal picture.

I think sometimes, especially in an eternal sense, we are so "me focused" that we forget that the world doesn't revolve around us or our ideas or us personally. There is a bigger picture.

I do think during yesterday's sermon (which wasn't all frustrating btw) our teacher gave truth too. We are too me focused. As a nation, we do indulge ourselves too much.
As a church we do the same. We have our pet things we want, programs we like, words we like to hear, songs we like to sing, and if we don't get what we want to get mad.
There are many church splits over this type of stuff.

But God.... the great pruner in our lives, has a tendency to get a hold of us, to stop us and get the wayward branhes out of our way so we can cling to that life giving vine.

When that pruning does take place, we can trust that the Father has intended what is best for His Kingdom, and that includes what is best for us. :)

There is a difference between spiritual pruning and judgment. Judgment comes to the lost, it is final and enduring. Pruning to the believer is for growth and maturity.

If we could look at the problems in our lives with the picture of our heavenly pruner... our perspective on those problems can be so changed, and instead of getting angry, it will cause us to cling to the vine, who is after all the author and perfecter of our faith.

Frustration.....

I typically don't worry about comments or sermons on Child Raising. But something I listened to was just over the top....

I heard a talk on Discipline. I was not at all surprised that discipline was simply consequences, punishment, spanking, and it was even said if you do not do these things you hate your children and they will go to hell. Pretty much, that summed up what was said.

I fear the results of flippantly going through a few scriptures and saying that parents are afraid to discipline their kids,afraid of spanking them, they are indulging them, they are allowing them to do whatever they want etc. etc. And the result is going to be rebellious kids who think God owes them everything..... and they will ultimately rebel and go to hell, all because you refused to spank them. And it will be all your fault.
I do wonder sometimes, if the "culture" that was spoken of, where Christian parents are indulging their child's every whim, was overstated. There is a "Christianese Culture" in America that says, "beat your kids, they won't die", "use a rod", and then they go on to describe it, "if their heart isn't right, beat em' again". Oh yea, this one especially gets me. Let's make sure our children learn to hide how they REALLY feel; maybe they'll explode later. This is suggested in Tripp's book "Shepherding a Child's Heart. If they don't take their punishment well, then do it again.
Hebrews was tied in to Proverbs and that is a real stretch.

The statement was made that you MUST have consequences! But what kind of consequences?
Ones we make up? Ones we make hurt? Ones that are "really gonna teach em this time!"
Take THAT!
Or can the consequence be more natural. One that is just a simple result of a child's misbehavior? Is that not more along the lines of how God deals with us? If you misbehave in a store we have to leave. For all 7 of our kids, I can count on one hand the times we had to leave a store because of misbehavior.

The implication made, that if you do not spank, your kids will rebel and go to hell is just silly. Are there no Christians in Scandinavia? In Canada? In Australia? How about Japan? How about Korea? How about England? France? Germany? Many of these countries totally forbid spanking or seriously restrict it.

Children are not saved because parents spank them. They are drawn by the Holy Spirit to trust Christ for Salvation through Faith, that Faith being a GIFT OF GOD lest ANY man, or parent, should boast.

The other thing is: Since when is discipline simply punitive? Since when? We always use "punitive" for kids. What about for ourselves? Oh no, for ourselves we want mercy and grace and patience and kindness and every other chance available..... but for our kids? LAW LAW LAW.

Is it possible to discipline your children without spanking? Of course it is. Isn't that what our heavenly father does with us? Does he not lovingly guide us and protect us? Does he not gently draw us? Isn't he patient, slow to anger, great in mercy, not wanting anybody to perish?

First off, disciplining children is "discipling" them. Teaching them, coming along side them, leading them, guiding them, helping them work through decisions and issues with wise council, giving great patience and kindness to them, and helping them along the way to learn and grow in the ways of the Lord. It is all about relationship, trusting relationship. Not based upon fear but on Love.

It is true that we should fear the possibility that a soul could be cast into hell. But if God goes to great pains to send His son to take our punishment, sends His spirit, gives us assurances of His great love for us, it seems odd we should then tell Christians to fear.
It IS true that God disciplines those he loves. His Children, the closer they become with Him in relationship, are also taught through the Holy Spirit and Word to grow ever closer. Sometimes those introspective moments are quite painful as we see who we really are, and how far away we really are from the Mark. But that isn't what we are supposed to do. As was so eloquently pointed out during worship hour. If we put our eyes upon ourselves, we will ALWAYS fall short. But if we keep our eyes on HIM, the author and perfector of our Faith, with an eternal perspective ahead, we will be at peace and wil be able to grow in Faith.

I know many a child raised in the suggested form at the beginning of this post who have grown to be embittered adults, far from the Lord, with broken hearted parents.
Why? Because they followed the crazy teachings out there including Tripp, Ezzo, Pearl.

It is much easier to blame our children for bad behavior than our parenting. It is much easier to have a quick, swift, answer to everything instead of bothering to actually TEACH them and discipline them in the way they should go. Of course, that takes TIME and effort that many parents just don't want to give.

Frankly, a lot of folks who spank do so out of irritation, not instruction. The kid doesn't learn anything other than, if they irritate mom and dad to a certain point they will get hit. That kind of parenting is like putting a blind person in a room full of furniture and expecting them to not run into anything.
And the results are, unruly children who are also spanked.

In contrast, a parent who diligently disciplines their child, (disciples) comes along side, teaches them, guides, them, will many times have a very obedient child. This child will learn self control, self discipline, out of a desire for relationship with their parents. They will want to please, out of devotion. It isn't that far of a stretch for this child to then be taught of the relationship with God being one of endless love and devotion.

Parenting without spanking takes a lot of time and self reflection. It takes time to think about how to respond, how to teach, how to model. Kids learn from what they see and hear. If we model impatience, irritation and judgmentalism to our kids, we will have impatient, irritated, judgmental kids. If we model to them the fruit of the Spirit, they will respond in suit. But will also find themselves, just as we find ourselves, coming up short, living in the flesh; and then together we can seek our heavenly father who is great in loving kindness, never turning us away, always abounding in love and forgiveness.

1 John 4:18

New International Version (©1984)
There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment. The one who fears is not made perfect in love.

New American Standard Bible (©1995)
There is no fear in love; but perfect love casts out fear, because fear involves punishment, and the one who fears is not perfected in love.

International Standard Version (©2008)
There is no fear where love exists. Rather, perfect love banishes fear, for fear involves punishment, and the person who lives in fear has not been perfected in love.

GOD'S WORD® Translation (©1995)
No fear exists where his love is. Rather, perfect love gets rid of fear, because fear involves punishment. The person who lives in fear doesn't have perfect love.

King James Bible
There is no fear in love; but perfect love casteth out fear: because fear hath torment. He that feareth is not made perfect in love.

American King James Version
There is no fear in love; but perfect love casts out fear: because fear has torment. He that fears is not made perfect in love.

American Standard Version
There is no fear in love: but perfect love casteth out fear, because fear hath punishment; and he that feareth is not made perfect in love.

Bible in Basic English
There is no fear in love: true love has no room for fear, because where fear is, there is pain; and he who is not free from fear is not complete in love.

Charles David Minich

One week old. So precious. :)

Dad's Surgery

So far, all we have heard is that he is in recovery and as soon as they get him to ICU, Bob, Cindy and mother can go in and see him. The type of tumor removed was a glioma, which started in the brain and not from somewhere else.
We are so thankful for all of your prayers. I'll update as soon as I know more.

Also, you can check out Dad's blog in my sidebar. "Oakie Grandfather". Bob will be updating as news comes in. :)

Vanya and Mike

We are preparing for some family to come and stay with us, so Vanya has gone back to another host family for a while. We had a great visit with him here.
I took these pictures this morning.

Some More Zoo Trip Photos

July Funnies

After visiting the Reptile Pavillion at the zoo yesterday, Sarah woke up this a.m. and noticed some Peeling on her nose. (It was from our lake trip on Saturday) She asked, "If you are shedding skin on your nose, does that mean you are growing?" LOL