I think there is something very important to point out in relation to Beyond Consequences Logic and Control/ Heather Forbe's book regarding parenting traumatized children.
When you read the book, or hear the conference, you find yourself saying, "Wait a minute, my kid is acting horribly and I'm just supposed to give in to this type of behavior, remain calm, not punish etc?"
To this person I would say:
Most kids do not exhibit these behaviors. But for those that DO, there is something behind that behavior that is driving it. If your methods have not worked, or you are feeling the strain of anger pulling you apart, or your family is stretched to the brink stress, think about it this way.
ONCE you have been able to establish trust and love in your family, the behaviors disappear. It seems quite counter intuitive, especially for those who have been taught (which is most of us) that children should obey the very first time without question or the boom is lowered and they are brought under control by force.
THIS is why I am so very thankful to have parented Joseph. Our 3rd son, who was born angry. LOL It is true. He was. If he had been able to get his hands on a cigar and a beer, it would have fit the tirade he had in the delivery room. Everybody was laughing at how a preemie could scream that loud and be so mad.
By the time Joseph was 2 he was tantraming and I was using all the traditional methods I had learned, read about and been taught. NOTHING and I do mean NOTHING helped and he continued to spiral out of control. It was only when I realized that I had to help to keep him regulated by staying regulated myself. I had to help him LEARN to regulate himself because he really couldn't, that we had success. When I started seeing him as a child full of fear. HE WAS.... he was afraid of the toilet, he was afraid of his father, he was afraid of loud noises, he was afraid of being alone, I could go on and on....When I pictured him as a very frightened baby, my entire relationship with him changed and he responded VERY Quickly. It was amazing. I discovered my methods quite by accident and through much prayer; and it is amazing how similar they were to what Heather Forbes is teaching. Joseph is 28 years old now, married to a beautiful girl whom I love dearly and father, to a wonderful little boy.
So back to what I was talking about.....
The behaviors change and the "window of tolerance" changes too. The window of tolerance is how far a child can handle stress before his breaking point. With traumatized children, their window of stress is abnormally low. So to the normal child you can say no and it isn't a problem. To the stressed child, you can say no and they are on the floor kicking and screaming. The answer isn't to stress them out more, but to lower their stress level so that window can be budged open wider and wider and they can learn to handle stresses of life. It works and it works QUICKLY.
Many people are too afraid themselves to try it. They get hung up on Proverbs and feel that they are not disciplining.
I would challenge that person to take the whole counsel of the word of God. I would challenge them to consider what true "Discipline" is. Discipline is not punishment.
Discipline is to disciple; to come along side and teach. Punishment is sometimes a form of discipline, but it is a negative form of discipline. For the child who is at that closed window of tolerance, they cannot handle punishment, it will send them further and further into a downward spiral. They have to be able to experience love and trust first.
THEN... this is the funny part. Once you start to parent from a different paradigm, behaviors are no longer the driving force behind your parenting. Meaning, if you are having great success with your child responding to positive parenting and relationship s based upon love and trust, why would you want to parent any differently?
If Suzie does something wrong, and you sit down with her and talk to her about it, let her know how it effects the family, how it can effect her life and the natural consequences of life, her relationship with God etc. and Suzie is repentant, sorrowful and apologizes, what else is there to do? The Only thing I can think of is make the slate clean, keeping short accounts, and starting fresh, openly forgiving and letting her know that you love her so very much and truly care about her behavior. Isn't that how it is with us and Our Heavenly Father? If we come to him and confess our sin he is faithful to forgive us our sin and cleanse us from all unrighteousness? It doesn't say, he then punishes us afterwards to make sure we never do THAT again, does it?
As we brought our little girls into our home, they came with some pretty extreme behaviors. At least the first 2 did. LOL The third one tried a couple of extreme things, but we recognized it right away and it only happened once.
Those behaviors became less and less pretty quickly. We still deal with fears from one of our children in particular, but when it is recognized for what it is, it disappears pretty quickly too. If I see her start to shut down, a quick trip to the rocking chair or an extra time for cuddling works pretty quickly to bring her back into regulation. TO make it CLEAR: This is not a FORCED HOLDING or FORCED BABYING.
I am against this, and was very pleased to hear Heather say at her conference that FORCING a child to be held, or FORCING some of the recognized traditional attachment therapies out there are damaging and should not be done.
If a child WANTS to be babied, then so be it. If they don't, it can cause them harm to force it.
Many people ask, "What happens when they get into the real world?" If you get stopped and get a ticket, you have to pay it and be respectful to the police officer who gives it. That is so true. The whole point is, you are getting your child to a place where they CAN receive that ticket, or they CAN receive the boss at work treating them unfairly, without falling a part. When they learn to handle stress, and you give them the tools to do it, it is life long and they will become whole and healthy citizens.
I have found this to be true with my sons, and I am seeing this with my girls too.
I just wish I had parented like this all along.
There is nothing more precious that talking with your child and leading them to the Lord to help them and listening to them pray and reach out to the one who can truly help them.
It is wonderful seeing them stop themselves and realize they are not using the "tool" they have been given, and then use that tool. LOL (in this case it was the "self control tool put in a mental tool box)
Over the last 5 years, we have mixed in some old methods with the new. "You must stop right now!" etc. Or we have used "natural" consequences... if you do not put your seat belt on, we cannot go. This was done AFTER that window of regulation was open wider.
And those little lessons are important for them to experience. Small doese first..then more....
I say this because this does prepare them for life. Mom cannot get out and put your seat belt on every time forever. But in the beginning, that may be what mom NEEDS do do, until things get settled. The point was, in Heather's seminar, It Isn't Going To Be Forever... the BEHAVIORS WILL CHANGE!
We have found that to be very true.
The Minich Family Blog: Every Family Has A Story...Welcome To Ours
Monday, February 2, 2009
Saturday, January 31, 2009
Heather Forbes/ Beyond Consequences
Today I attended the Beyond Consequences Logic and Control Conference that was hosted by Buckner Children's Services and Garland Independent School District.
I read the original work by Heather Forbes and Bryan Post a few years ago. Much of what was in that book was something that we were mostly already doing, but with a spiritual twist. :)
After reading the book, I began to discuss it with others and found there were some who thought it was the work of a very imbalanced person, and they would have nothing to do with it because of rumor about Mr. Post's education, and weird therapy techniques.
I won't get into that here, as I don't know Mr. Post, where he attended school or if any of the rumor was true. None of what was suggested he does was in this book.
Mr.Post and Heather Forbes are no longer doing seminars together. She said he is working more on "group homes", and she is teaching parent/counselor seminars.
Honestly, I'm a little relieved that the controversy has blown over abit and the focus of what she is doing has overcome, as I think what she teaches and says has great validity.
Many people think that she advocates no discipline in the home, no rules, and chaos reigns. That could not be further from the truth.
What she DOES do, is give people a paradigm shift, so they can focus on SUCCESSFULLY parenting the most difficult of traumatized children. Her focus is on children who have experienced unspeakable trauma and are at risk for antisocial behavior.
Part of how I got involved in even reading her book was because of the obvious. 3 traumatized little girls.
It would be FOOLISH to think that we could lazidazically shoot from the hip of parenting with such a delicate and precarious group of little souls.
From the information we had, the parenting styles being used on them were not working, were non existent, or the history was so shattered going from home to home there was no stability.
That does not mean that the parents or caregivers didn't have the best of intentions, I'm sure they did. But children with trauma backgrounds are not going to be your typical child.
Truth be told, much of what I learned in scripture on parenting our children stems from the New Testament. All one need to do is read how Christ treated the disciples and you will have a good picture. All one need to do is read the one command in the New Testament, "Fathers. Do NOT provoke your children to anger but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord. Ephesians 6:4
In Colossians 3:21, it says, "Fathers, do not provoke your children, lest they become discouraged."
The basis of the Beyond Consequences book is that a child who does not have a nurturing loving background, but a traumatized, neglected, abusive one, will not have logic, they will not respond to "traditional" parenting styles. I agree. At the same time, I don't think I have ever been that "traditional" of a parent.
The biggest thing I got out of the seminar was that "It isn't about you, it is about them." Discipline them according to their best interest, not how you feel.
There is no book that one can read, other than scripture that is 100%, but I must say, there are a lot of good principles that Heather Forbes teaches for parents that really truly do work.
If you can keep your child in a state of calm, you can reach their heart. You will not reach their heart by locking the horns of force and defiance. But to disarm them with unconditional love, will open their hearts to hear the truth of the scripture and receive the ONE who TRULY shows us unconditional love.
All I can say is, when it comes to Adults, many times we want Mercy and Grace for ourselves, and law for our children. You mess up, you get punished. What about when we mess up. Do we want to be punished? Does God punish us every time? No, we always pray for mercy.
I just wonder, if it isn't confusing to raise our children under such "law", and at the same time try to teach them the mercy and grace of Christ, if we lack the patience to model our heavenly father to them.
I just don't think you can err on the side of love. Perfect Love Casts out Fear. And Fear is what drives many of our children;fear of rejection, losing their parents, losing their lives permeates many of their little lives. FEAR is what also drives many parents to respond in the way they do. They are afraid their child will not love Christ, that they will be delinquent, that they will become criminals. We should not parent from fear but from Love, and from knowledge of the truth with all humility and wisdom.
What a wonderful opportunity we have to show them Christ. REALLY show them Christ.
I read the original work by Heather Forbes and Bryan Post a few years ago. Much of what was in that book was something that we were mostly already doing, but with a spiritual twist. :)
After reading the book, I began to discuss it with others and found there were some who thought it was the work of a very imbalanced person, and they would have nothing to do with it because of rumor about Mr. Post's education, and weird therapy techniques.
I won't get into that here, as I don't know Mr. Post, where he attended school or if any of the rumor was true. None of what was suggested he does was in this book.
Mr.Post and Heather Forbes are no longer doing seminars together. She said he is working more on "group homes", and she is teaching parent/counselor seminars.
Honestly, I'm a little relieved that the controversy has blown over abit and the focus of what she is doing has overcome, as I think what she teaches and says has great validity.
Many people think that she advocates no discipline in the home, no rules, and chaos reigns. That could not be further from the truth.
What she DOES do, is give people a paradigm shift, so they can focus on SUCCESSFULLY parenting the most difficult of traumatized children. Her focus is on children who have experienced unspeakable trauma and are at risk for antisocial behavior.
Part of how I got involved in even reading her book was because of the obvious. 3 traumatized little girls.
It would be FOOLISH to think that we could lazidazically shoot from the hip of parenting with such a delicate and precarious group of little souls.
From the information we had, the parenting styles being used on them were not working, were non existent, or the history was so shattered going from home to home there was no stability.
That does not mean that the parents or caregivers didn't have the best of intentions, I'm sure they did. But children with trauma backgrounds are not going to be your typical child.
Truth be told, much of what I learned in scripture on parenting our children stems from the New Testament. All one need to do is read how Christ treated the disciples and you will have a good picture. All one need to do is read the one command in the New Testament, "Fathers. Do NOT provoke your children to anger but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord. Ephesians 6:4
In Colossians 3:21, it says, "Fathers, do not provoke your children, lest they become discouraged."
The basis of the Beyond Consequences book is that a child who does not have a nurturing loving background, but a traumatized, neglected, abusive one, will not have logic, they will not respond to "traditional" parenting styles. I agree. At the same time, I don't think I have ever been that "traditional" of a parent.
The biggest thing I got out of the seminar was that "It isn't about you, it is about them." Discipline them according to their best interest, not how you feel.
There is no book that one can read, other than scripture that is 100%, but I must say, there are a lot of good principles that Heather Forbes teaches for parents that really truly do work.
If you can keep your child in a state of calm, you can reach their heart. You will not reach their heart by locking the horns of force and defiance. But to disarm them with unconditional love, will open their hearts to hear the truth of the scripture and receive the ONE who TRULY shows us unconditional love.
All I can say is, when it comes to Adults, many times we want Mercy and Grace for ourselves, and law for our children. You mess up, you get punished. What about when we mess up. Do we want to be punished? Does God punish us every time? No, we always pray for mercy.
I just wonder, if it isn't confusing to raise our children under such "law", and at the same time try to teach them the mercy and grace of Christ, if we lack the patience to model our heavenly father to them.
I just don't think you can err on the side of love. Perfect Love Casts out Fear. And Fear is what drives many of our children;fear of rejection, losing their parents, losing their lives permeates many of their little lives. FEAR is what also drives many parents to respond in the way they do. They are afraid their child will not love Christ, that they will be delinquent, that they will become criminals. We should not parent from fear but from Love, and from knowledge of the truth with all humility and wisdom.
What a wonderful opportunity we have to show them Christ. REALLY show them Christ.
Friday, January 30, 2009
An Update On Erika
We serve a merciful and loving God. He must have known that we needed a rest. :)
Erika's legs have started to fit better and better over the week, and she has fit down into them with a size 2 sock now! (YEA)
For those who don't know what that means. Prosthetic socks come in many sizes of thickenss. 5's, 3's, 2's, 1's. Her last legs, she wore a 5, 3 and 2 1's, and then as she grew we removed thickensses until she could not fit.
But she was growing so fast with this set, while they were making them, that when fitting day came, they were almost too small. We wrapped her legs, and put her in them, with a 1. She barely fit. Then..... a couple of days later bruises showed up.
She wasn't in pain, but we were concerned.
We thought we were going to have to scrap the legs and start over, and this time with surgery so she could get a better fit.
BUT.... over the week, the bruises actually disappeared and she was able to get into her legs with a size 2! I can't tell you how excited we are.
So the plan is, to let her wear these as long as possible, and when the time comees that she is out grown them, hopefully later than sooner, we will then discuss surgery to reshape her symes area.
Our goal is still for her to be able to get legs she can take on and off by herself.
These she can't. So the rest of us gladly chip in and help her.
We are also going to ask that her next legs be a little shorter. I am worried about how tall she is. When she falls it is scary. Her prosthetist said she can be made a little shorter with a different foot. (she isn't thrilled but Anna is) LOL
And I am too. It will hold off a few more gray hairs. (for a while)
What a joy and RELIEF!!!!!!!
Erika's legs have started to fit better and better over the week, and she has fit down into them with a size 2 sock now! (YEA)
For those who don't know what that means. Prosthetic socks come in many sizes of thickenss. 5's, 3's, 2's, 1's. Her last legs, she wore a 5, 3 and 2 1's, and then as she grew we removed thickensses until she could not fit.
But she was growing so fast with this set, while they were making them, that when fitting day came, they were almost too small. We wrapped her legs, and put her in them, with a 1. She barely fit. Then..... a couple of days later bruises showed up.
She wasn't in pain, but we were concerned.
We thought we were going to have to scrap the legs and start over, and this time with surgery so she could get a better fit.
BUT.... over the week, the bruises actually disappeared and she was able to get into her legs with a size 2! I can't tell you how excited we are.
So the plan is, to let her wear these as long as possible, and when the time comees that she is out grown them, hopefully later than sooner, we will then discuss surgery to reshape her symes area.
Our goal is still for her to be able to get legs she can take on and off by herself.
These she can't. So the rest of us gladly chip in and help her.
We are also going to ask that her next legs be a little shorter. I am worried about how tall she is. When she falls it is scary. Her prosthetist said she can be made a little shorter with a different foot. (she isn't thrilled but Anna is) LOL
And I am too. It will hold off a few more gray hairs. (for a while)
What a joy and RELIEF!!!!!!!
Wednesday, January 28, 2009
Aunt Dabba
I cannot seem to convince the girls that Dabba is their gramma and not their Aunt.
She is always affectionately referred to as Aunt Dabba. :)
The girls have never met Dabba, but feel that they know her. She often sends them sweet little notes. During the Election she told them all the presidents she had lived under over the years.
Today, the girls received Valentines from Dabba so they can send them.
Sarah got busy filling one out to "Aunt Dabba". She said, "I'm going to write her a letter too!" "What color is her hair?"
I answered, "Her hair is gray now."
She said, "Is she old?"
I said Yes she is.
Sarah then said, "Well, if I write her a letter will she die before she gets it out of the mail box?" LOL
(I was thinking, she might die from shock as I was supposed to send her some artwork a few months ago) LOL
So my answer was, "No, I'm sure she'll be alive when the mail comes."
I just love the way little kids think. :)
They LOVE AUNT DABBA! I LOVE HER TOO. :)
(If you want to see a beautiful picture of Dabba, just click on the Dabba label in the side bar)
I still haven't figured out how to do links.
(something I plan to do before I die.)
She is always affectionately referred to as Aunt Dabba. :)
The girls have never met Dabba, but feel that they know her. She often sends them sweet little notes. During the Election she told them all the presidents she had lived under over the years.
Today, the girls received Valentines from Dabba so they can send them.
Sarah got busy filling one out to "Aunt Dabba". She said, "I'm going to write her a letter too!" "What color is her hair?"
I answered, "Her hair is gray now."
She said, "Is she old?"
I said Yes she is.
Sarah then said, "Well, if I write her a letter will she die before she gets it out of the mail box?" LOL
(I was thinking, she might die from shock as I was supposed to send her some artwork a few months ago) LOL
So my answer was, "No, I'm sure she'll be alive when the mail comes."
I just love the way little kids think. :)
They LOVE AUNT DABBA! I LOVE HER TOO. :)
(If you want to see a beautiful picture of Dabba, just click on the Dabba label in the side bar)
I still haven't figured out how to do links.
(something I plan to do before I die.)
The Ice Storm
We had a small ice storm last night. It was really cool this a.m. seeing the ice on the plants.
Anna even found an "Ice Bouquet". :)
Anna even found an "Ice Bouquet". :)
Disruption Revisited
Once again, and on more than one front, we have been made aware of adoptions of children that are not doing well, and the result is disruption or removal.
I have tears of sadness as I write this because I feel that there has GOT to be a better way, a better answer, a success!
Many families come upon difficult times in communicating with each other, and it is much more complicated when a child who has experienced trauma, is changing culture, language, etc. The building blocks for trust and nurture are not there. EVERYTHING related to family life is foreign to them. It is like landing on a foreign planet that you have heard about, but the experience is something so different from the book.
Parents can educate themselves for the upcoming event of adoption, but the experience can be vastly different than what they think they have been prepared for.
I remember our parent training classes were wonderful, and there was a small section about orphanage behaviors etc. But they were not expanded upon nearly as much as I would have liked. I really think that experienced parents of older adopted children and infant adopted children should actually teach these classes.
I just wonder, if one solution to try and keep families who REALLY want to try to stay together would be to have a group of parent counselors who would be willing to be on an available list to volunteer to observe, and offer help to a struggling family?
There are just dynamics when dealing with IA(internationally adopted)kids that many do not understand or get.
People who are not familiar with PI (post institutional) behaviors may try to offer help and advice that can be detrimental to the family and the children in turmoil, and then cause the family to feel even more distraught.
We all offer our judgments but few of us offer our hearts and helping hands or helpful knowledge.
If you live in an area and know other IA parents in your area, maybe ya'll can band together and form a support group specifically designed to help those coming after.
I am very fortunate to have had a wonderful relationship with our social worker, to have a counselor who lives 5 doors down and is also an IA parent and to have other friends close by who are IA parents. I couldn't imagine how hard it would be to be all alone and not know anybody. When there is a group of parents, information flows and ideas flow and it can be very helpful. We all offer ideas, books, and other various forms of help to each other and it is a supportive atmosphere.
I'm wondering if we should form an official group to support those in our area....
hmmmmmm......
I just want to see people succeed, and especially see kids lives changed for the better.
I have tears of sadness as I write this because I feel that there has GOT to be a better way, a better answer, a success!
Many families come upon difficult times in communicating with each other, and it is much more complicated when a child who has experienced trauma, is changing culture, language, etc. The building blocks for trust and nurture are not there. EVERYTHING related to family life is foreign to them. It is like landing on a foreign planet that you have heard about, but the experience is something so different from the book.
Parents can educate themselves for the upcoming event of adoption, but the experience can be vastly different than what they think they have been prepared for.
I remember our parent training classes were wonderful, and there was a small section about orphanage behaviors etc. But they were not expanded upon nearly as much as I would have liked. I really think that experienced parents of older adopted children and infant adopted children should actually teach these classes.
I just wonder, if one solution to try and keep families who REALLY want to try to stay together would be to have a group of parent counselors who would be willing to be on an available list to volunteer to observe, and offer help to a struggling family?
There are just dynamics when dealing with IA(internationally adopted)kids that many do not understand or get.
People who are not familiar with PI (post institutional) behaviors may try to offer help and advice that can be detrimental to the family and the children in turmoil, and then cause the family to feel even more distraught.
We all offer our judgments but few of us offer our hearts and helping hands or helpful knowledge.
If you live in an area and know other IA parents in your area, maybe ya'll can band together and form a support group specifically designed to help those coming after.
I am very fortunate to have had a wonderful relationship with our social worker, to have a counselor who lives 5 doors down and is also an IA parent and to have other friends close by who are IA parents. I couldn't imagine how hard it would be to be all alone and not know anybody. When there is a group of parents, information flows and ideas flow and it can be very helpful. We all offer ideas, books, and other various forms of help to each other and it is a supportive atmosphere.
I'm wondering if we should form an official group to support those in our area....
hmmmmmm......
I just want to see people succeed, and especially see kids lives changed for the better.
Tuesday, January 27, 2009
Sarah's New Leg Just In Time!
Something Happened to Sarah's foot! She said she felt a "POP"!
And her toe fell off!
I think this leg has had a great work out! Anna tried to fix her toe. Thanks Anna!
Luckily, we picked up her new leg a few days ago, but she isn't used to wearing it yet.Aren't the princesses darling?
I think she'll love it when she gets used to it. It is like getting used to a new pair of shoes.
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And her toe fell off!
I think this leg has had a great work out! Anna tried to fix her toe. Thanks Anna!
Luckily, we picked up her new leg a few days ago, but she isn't used to wearing it yet.Aren't the princesses darling?
I think she'll love it when she gets used to it. It is like getting used to a new pair of shoes.
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What In The WORLD!???!!!
I am still grossed out!
We were getting ready for science, and I needed to take advil for my elbow. So I looked on the table and saw a nice bottle of PURIFIED water on the table. No claims had been made so I figured it was one of the girls and they forgot to put their name on it.
I took my advil and swallowed down the water. Then Anna says, "Oh mommy! You didn't drink from the bottle on the table did you?"
"Yes I did, was it yours?"
"No mommy, it belongs to SWEETIE PIE!"
BLEK!!!!!!
Sweetie Pie is our GOAT!
"You are givng the GOAT BOTTLED WATER>>??????"
Anna is taking extra good care of Sweetie Pie because she is pregnant, but I bet she is the only goat on the planet being served bottled water!
That is the LAST time I drink from a stray bottle of water.
BLEK! or should I say, "MAAAAAA!"
Noah's Ark In The Netherlands
If you go to google images and search for Noah's Ark in the Netherlands, all these pictures will pop up that you can look at. There are also some youtube videos of it.
What a WAY COOL thing this man did. He tried to make an exact replica in size of the actual Noah's Ark. It is a museum with animals, a petting zoo, a children's theatre, etc. so that people can see how it could have worked. Isn't that fascinating? :)
Sunday, January 25, 2009
Have Legs Will Travel!
Here is a picture of Erika and I putting on legs before church. She is really TALL with her legs on. It was a joy to see her go outside and play after church today, and to walk in the building and get to Sunday School by herself! YEA!
Friday, January 23, 2009
Reality
Today went well at the hospital. Sarah's leg fits her quite well and she went skipping down the hall like nothing ever happened. Erika on the other hand, is just a bit more complicated.
The goal for Erika has been to make her as independent as possible. Meaning, she would be able to put her own legs on without help. This is really important for her future.
It is also important that she be able to walk without legs. She is a bilateral amputee, and the symes amputations have made it possible for her to walk on bare legs with no prosthetics when in the house. She can get up in the middle of the night and go to the bathroom, she can take a shower, she can get out of bed without having to be carried, etc.
When she first came, she could do none of these things.
The problem we are having is with the size on one of her legs. It has become too large and because of her previous deformity, bones are all over the place. :) That, combined with a very tiny shin and larger knee make it difficult to fit her in prosthetics.
It has gotten more difficult as her one leg has grown.
So, combined with happy news that her new legs are fitting ok, but tight.... and they are an old style of leg that she cannot put on by herself, the doctor and prosthetist talked and they think it would be best to operate. This would mean cutting bone away, removing excess tissue and reshaping her stump so she can fit into a leg better.
The reality is: She will have surgery, there will be a 6 to 8 week recoupuration time for the surgery, then making a new style of legs, and then the big one: the time it will take to be able to stand again on her bare legs to get around the house on her own. I was a little caught off guard.... but I am so thankful that God will never cause us to go through anything alone.
The Doctor suggested summer time, but Erika was a bit upset about that. I don't blame her. She spent one summer in a body cast and it was no fun. :( So, we will talk to him about moving it to Spring, so she can walk a bit, get out for a few weeks and then have the surgery. That way she can spend summer being a kid. And then hopefully, by next year she will be able to walk again on her bare legs around the house without pain.
The Lord has brought our family together for a reason. HE KNEW before He formed our family what trials he would bring us through. Trials are there to strengthen us, to cause us to depend upon HIM. Besides Dad, Mom and Erika, this includes Anna and Sarah too.
And Erika, Anna and Sarah bring us nothing but joy. :)
The goal for Erika has been to make her as independent as possible. Meaning, she would be able to put her own legs on without help. This is really important for her future.
It is also important that she be able to walk without legs. She is a bilateral amputee, and the symes amputations have made it possible for her to walk on bare legs with no prosthetics when in the house. She can get up in the middle of the night and go to the bathroom, she can take a shower, she can get out of bed without having to be carried, etc.
When she first came, she could do none of these things.
The problem we are having is with the size on one of her legs. It has become too large and because of her previous deformity, bones are all over the place. :) That, combined with a very tiny shin and larger knee make it difficult to fit her in prosthetics.
It has gotten more difficult as her one leg has grown.
So, combined with happy news that her new legs are fitting ok, but tight.... and they are an old style of leg that she cannot put on by herself, the doctor and prosthetist talked and they think it would be best to operate. This would mean cutting bone away, removing excess tissue and reshaping her stump so she can fit into a leg better.
The reality is: She will have surgery, there will be a 6 to 8 week recoupuration time for the surgery, then making a new style of legs, and then the big one: the time it will take to be able to stand again on her bare legs to get around the house on her own. I was a little caught off guard.... but I am so thankful that God will never cause us to go through anything alone.
The Doctor suggested summer time, but Erika was a bit upset about that. I don't blame her. She spent one summer in a body cast and it was no fun. :( So, we will talk to him about moving it to Spring, so she can walk a bit, get out for a few weeks and then have the surgery. That way she can spend summer being a kid. And then hopefully, by next year she will be able to walk again on her bare legs around the house without pain.
The Lord has brought our family together for a reason. HE KNEW before He formed our family what trials he would bring us through. Trials are there to strengthen us, to cause us to depend upon HIM. Besides Dad, Mom and Erika, this includes Anna and Sarah too.
And Erika, Anna and Sarah bring us nothing but joy. :)
Thursday, January 22, 2009
Tomorrow Tomorrow I Love You Tomorow.....
Hopefully, it ISN'T a Day away!
Tomorrow we wake up at 6:00 a.m. and we travel at 6:30 to get to the hospital. Erika AND Sarah's legs are ready. We will pick up new legs.:)
I'm not sure what to say.... other than.... I sure hope they fit!
Erika has been without legs since the first week of October! That means, she has been unable to play outside for OVER 3 months! Sarah had surgery, has recoouperated and is wearing her old leg until a new one has been made, since Erika outgrew her other legs.
So, tomorrow, we go and we get legs. I'm so thrilled! I cannot express how thrilled I am for Erika.
What we all take for granted when we get up in the morning, she and Sarah have to put on.
It has been a long journey these past few months. I am so thankful for new legs.
Thank You Lord that we have legs to walk. Thank you that we can go outside and play and to the park. Thankyou that we have each other through hard times.
It has been hard.
Thank YOU!
Tomorrow we wake up at 6:00 a.m. and we travel at 6:30 to get to the hospital. Erika AND Sarah's legs are ready. We will pick up new legs.:)
I'm not sure what to say.... other than.... I sure hope they fit!
Erika has been without legs since the first week of October! That means, she has been unable to play outside for OVER 3 months! Sarah had surgery, has recoouperated and is wearing her old leg until a new one has been made, since Erika outgrew her other legs.
So, tomorrow, we go and we get legs. I'm so thrilled! I cannot express how thrilled I am for Erika.
What we all take for granted when we get up in the morning, she and Sarah have to put on.
It has been a long journey these past few months. I am so thankful for new legs.
Thank You Lord that we have legs to walk. Thank you that we can go outside and play and to the park. Thankyou that we have each other through hard times.
It has been hard.
Thank YOU!
Wednesday, January 21, 2009
In Christ Alone
I have this song on my play list up above. I would love for you to click on it and listen to it. I cannot sing this song without
weeping for joy. The words carry such meaning and truth. When I hear the last two verses at church, I want to say YEE HAW or WHOO HOOO! I want to burst forth in praise and wave my hands and jump for joy. But I remain subdued for the better of the group and jump up and down with joy inside. :) But I truly do wonder: Why is it ok to get all excited about a football game, but not about Jesus? I'm all for a few whoo hoo's at church now and then; as long as they are orderly whoo hooos. :)
In Christ Alone
In Christ alone my hope is found;
He is my light, my strength, my song;
This cornerstone, this solid ground,
Firm through the fiercest drought and storm.
What heights of love, what depths of peace,
When fears are stilled, when strivings cease!
My comforter, my all in all—
Here in the love of Christ I stand.
In Christ alone, Who took on flesh,
Fullness of God in helpless babe!
This gift of love and righteousness,
Scorned by the ones He came to save.
Till on that cross as Jesus died,
The wrath of God was satisfied;
For ev'ry sin on Him was laid—
Here in the death of Christ I live.
There in the ground His body lay,
Light of the world by darkness slain;
Then bursting forth in glorious day,
Up from the grave He rose again!
And as He stands in victory,
Sin's curse has lost its grip on me;
For I am His and He is mine—
Bought with the precious blood of Christ.
No guilt in life, no fear in death—
This is the pow'r of Christ in me;
From life's first cry to final breath,
Jesus commands my destiny.
No pow'r of hell, no scheme of man,
Can ever pluck me from His hand;
Till He returns or calls me home—
Here in the pow'r of Christ I'll stand.
weeping for joy. The words carry such meaning and truth. When I hear the last two verses at church, I want to say YEE HAW or WHOO HOOO! I want to burst forth in praise and wave my hands and jump for joy. But I remain subdued for the better of the group and jump up and down with joy inside. :) But I truly do wonder: Why is it ok to get all excited about a football game, but not about Jesus? I'm all for a few whoo hoo's at church now and then; as long as they are orderly whoo hooos. :)
In Christ Alone
In Christ alone my hope is found;
He is my light, my strength, my song;
This cornerstone, this solid ground,
Firm through the fiercest drought and storm.
What heights of love, what depths of peace,
When fears are stilled, when strivings cease!
My comforter, my all in all—
Here in the love of Christ I stand.
In Christ alone, Who took on flesh,
Fullness of God in helpless babe!
This gift of love and righteousness,
Scorned by the ones He came to save.
Till on that cross as Jesus died,
The wrath of God was satisfied;
For ev'ry sin on Him was laid—
Here in the death of Christ I live.
There in the ground His body lay,
Light of the world by darkness slain;
Then bursting forth in glorious day,
Up from the grave He rose again!
And as He stands in victory,
Sin's curse has lost its grip on me;
For I am His and He is mine—
Bought with the precious blood of Christ.
No guilt in life, no fear in death—
This is the pow'r of Christ in me;
From life's first cry to final breath,
Jesus commands my destiny.
No pow'r of hell, no scheme of man,
Can ever pluck me from His hand;
Till He returns or calls me home—
Here in the pow'r of Christ I'll stand.
Enchanted Revisited
This should be an interesting school day. :)I was told "The man who holds your heart must be very lucky indeed!"
Tuesday, January 20, 2009
Mama That Wrinkle......
Anna was studying my face oh so affectionately. She stroked my face with her finger and followed a certain "pattern" a few times and then got a sweet smile and said,
"Mama, that huge wrinkle on your face forms a perfect heart!"
uh.... gee thanks.....I think.
I guess if I have to be noted for wrinkles, at least they form perfect hearts. :)
"Mama, that huge wrinkle on your face forms a perfect heart!"
uh.... gee thanks.....I think.
I guess if I have to be noted for wrinkles, at least they form perfect hearts. :)
The Inaugaration Through The Eyes of Little Girls
These are the notes the girls took during the Inauguration:
Erika:
I heard songs and music and preaching and yelling. I saw thousands of people. I saw Barack Obama and his wife and Bush and his wife. I thought it was good, I though it was going to be fast. I heard that a woman got hit by a train.
I saw prsident Obama coming in. I saw people wearing hats and I saw Mrs. Obama give a present to Mrs. Bush.
I saw Obama give a speech and people watching from his school. I saw a woman making popcorn.(that was mom) :)
I heard Obama say that "my fellow president, I stand before you. I thank President Bush. So it is understood, I will prosper the nation, to day I say to you this day we come to proclaim. We understand we have been given for us, they fall and die. They work for us to be free. Every where we look there is work to be done.
Anna:
Well, we just heard a 60 year old woman got hit by a train. Miss Obama gave Miss Bush a box. In the box was a journal and a pen to write her experience in the White House. Mr. Obama just got out of a big car. It is cold, but most people don't care how cold it is. The Obama's car is 6 feet tall! This is the 2nd youngest president in History. Well this is a change~! Mr. Bush is moving to Texas!
I saw millions of people all waiting for Mr. Obama. Some people have been there for a whole day! I also saw African people. They wore funny looking clothes.I heard a man say, "Hear Oh Israel the Lord our God, The Lord is One". I do not get it. We are not Israelites!
I saw Mr. Obama get sworn in. And they had a parade with Brithsh soldiers. "The Red Coats". Did you know that men have guns in their shirts?
Obama said that we are free and some celebrate, some work their hands raw. All this we can do and we will.
Sarah:
I saw thousands of people waiting, cheering, singing and talking to each other. I saw lots of police cars and soldiers. I even saw the children of Barack Obama. I saw people reporting things. I heard Obama make his speech, a lady sing, a man pray and another girl talk. I heard people singing and cheering.
I was thinking, "Wow! What a lot of people!"I was thinking I would like to live in the White House. I was thinking, a soldier could kill the president but I don't think they would. I was thinking, "Why would they go to church on Tuesday?"
I was thinking "What is Obama going to do first?" Mom says she doesn't think it will be good.
I heard that a woman got struck by a train. I saw the president and his wife get in a car. Mom told me the soldiers have weapons.
I was thinking, "I can't believe all those people waited since yesterday!"I couldn't believe people came from all over the world. I can't believe how many people came out of one door!
Barack Obama said we are equal and we are free. The still waters of peace. Our nation is at war. The time has come to re establish child hood. This is the journey we look for now. We will build the road and electricity. We are ready to lead once more. :)
Erika:
I heard songs and music and preaching and yelling. I saw thousands of people. I saw Barack Obama and his wife and Bush and his wife. I thought it was good, I though it was going to be fast. I heard that a woman got hit by a train.
I saw prsident Obama coming in. I saw people wearing hats and I saw Mrs. Obama give a present to Mrs. Bush.
I saw Obama give a speech and people watching from his school. I saw a woman making popcorn.(that was mom) :)
I heard Obama say that "my fellow president, I stand before you. I thank President Bush. So it is understood, I will prosper the nation, to day I say to you this day we come to proclaim. We understand we have been given for us, they fall and die. They work for us to be free. Every where we look there is work to be done.
Anna:
Well, we just heard a 60 year old woman got hit by a train. Miss Obama gave Miss Bush a box. In the box was a journal and a pen to write her experience in the White House. Mr. Obama just got out of a big car. It is cold, but most people don't care how cold it is. The Obama's car is 6 feet tall! This is the 2nd youngest president in History. Well this is a change~! Mr. Bush is moving to Texas!
I saw millions of people all waiting for Mr. Obama. Some people have been there for a whole day! I also saw African people. They wore funny looking clothes.I heard a man say, "Hear Oh Israel the Lord our God, The Lord is One". I do not get it. We are not Israelites!
I saw Mr. Obama get sworn in. And they had a parade with Brithsh soldiers. "The Red Coats". Did you know that men have guns in their shirts?
Obama said that we are free and some celebrate, some work their hands raw. All this we can do and we will.
Sarah:
I saw thousands of people waiting, cheering, singing and talking to each other. I saw lots of police cars and soldiers. I even saw the children of Barack Obama. I saw people reporting things. I heard Obama make his speech, a lady sing, a man pray and another girl talk. I heard people singing and cheering.
I was thinking, "Wow! What a lot of people!"I was thinking I would like to live in the White House. I was thinking, a soldier could kill the president but I don't think they would. I was thinking, "Why would they go to church on Tuesday?"
I was thinking "What is Obama going to do first?" Mom says she doesn't think it will be good.
I heard that a woman got struck by a train. I saw the president and his wife get in a car. Mom told me the soldiers have weapons.
I was thinking, "I can't believe all those people waited since yesterday!"I couldn't believe people came from all over the world. I can't believe how many people came out of one door!
Barack Obama said we are equal and we are free. The still waters of peace. Our nation is at war. The time has come to re establish child hood. This is the journey we look for now. We will build the road and electricity. We are ready to lead once more. :)
Watching The Inauguration
One of the things we were discussing today while watching the inauguration was transition of power. We talked about how in many countries in the world transition of power is brought on by force, by war, and the previous leader may be imprisoned or executed. The girls watched a picture of the new first family and the old first family embrace and the new first lady give the old first lady a gift.
We talked about how a very powerful leader, just willingly walked away from his office and handed his authority to the new powerful leader, caused by the will of the people in which he leads. Whether you like the choice of our new president or not, it is an amazing thing to watch.
FROM THE GIRLS:
So far the most exciting part of watching the inauguration has been when they showed a little boy near the Washington Monument doing the exact thing Sarah was doing from the comfort of her own home. Watching the Inauguration with a Periscope. :)
"Look Mommy! He has a periscope just like us!" :)
From Mom:
We were watching the car pull up with George Bush and Barack Obama. I told the girls, if that were me, I wouldn't want to get out of the car! What a responsibility!
Then I asked:
What would be the first thing you would do if you were in office?
The girls :
Sarah: I would have a PARTY and get 4 dogs and feed all the poor people.
Anna: I would work for animal rights and endangered animals. People use fossil fuels and destroy animal habitats.
Erika: I would make it cheaper for people to fly here from far away.
Mom: I would make it easier for people to come to our country, who want to be a part of America and be a part of this great country. Most of us descended from immigrants after all. :)
Monday, January 19, 2009
I Get It!
We have been on an "Enchanted Kick" around here..... This a.m. I was singing, "How Do You Know He Loves You... How Do You Know He Cares?.....
Sarah said, "How do you know?" So I repeated what my own dear husband said this morning when I was happily serenading him this a.m.
"For God demonstrated His love to the World like this.... He GAVE His Only Begotten Son".
So I sang to her, "That's how we know He loves us! That's How we know, HE CARES!"
Her response: "I get it!" :)
Sarah said, "How do you know?" So I repeated what my own dear husband said this morning when I was happily serenading him this a.m.
"For God demonstrated His love to the World like this.... He GAVE His Only Begotten Son".
So I sang to her, "That's how we know He loves us! That's How we know, HE CARES!"
Her response: "I get it!" :)
Saturday, January 17, 2009
Enchanted
Last night for our movie night, we watched "Enchanted".
It is a movie based upon the Musical.
The story line is, a Princess in cartoonland gets banished to New York and continues to behave with the innocence like the cartoon princesses, and as the story unfolds, the prince comes to life as does the wicked step mother etc.
Remember Sleeping Beauty and the old woman with the apple? That scene comes to life with the woman and the apple.
Well, it sent Sarah in for a couch dive, scared her to death. When it was bedtime, she went to sleep but awoke scared and had to sleep with mommy and daddy . :) After alot of talking and praying she finally went to sleep. I woke up tired and needed COFFEE! STRONG COFFEE!
Well, this a.m. Sarah was all rested and the Fairy Princess in her came to life. Right now she is "cleaning the castle", singing, "While your cleaning don't stop singing"!
(WITH SOME DANCING AND TWIRLS THROWN IN FOR DRAMATIC EFFECT)
She didn't eat her morning apple. She chose yogurt instead. LOL
It is a movie based upon the Musical.
The story line is, a Princess in cartoonland gets banished to New York and continues to behave with the innocence like the cartoon princesses, and as the story unfolds, the prince comes to life as does the wicked step mother etc.
Remember Sleeping Beauty and the old woman with the apple? That scene comes to life with the woman and the apple.
Well, it sent Sarah in for a couch dive, scared her to death. When it was bedtime, she went to sleep but awoke scared and had to sleep with mommy and daddy . :) After alot of talking and praying she finally went to sleep. I woke up tired and needed COFFEE! STRONG COFFEE!
Well, this a.m. Sarah was all rested and the Fairy Princess in her came to life. Right now she is "cleaning the castle", singing, "While your cleaning don't stop singing"!
(WITH SOME DANCING AND TWIRLS THROWN IN FOR DRAMATIC EFFECT)
She didn't eat her morning apple. She chose yogurt instead. LOL
Wednesday, January 14, 2009
The Sentence Of The Day
Here are the girlies taking a crack at diagramming a most wonderful sentence. :)
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