Any Unpacked Bags Updated

I wrote this post in 2008 , but wanted to repost it, as this topic was on my mind after a conversation I had yesterday.  
There are those in the adoption community that believe only a "professional" knows what to do with a child who has  a trauma background.  I disagree.  While I DO agree that there is a time and a place for counseling..... healing begins at HOME.  And before we can help our kids heal, We MUST deal with our own stuff.  Many times, we don't even know it is there, or we have learned to keep certain things neatly packed away in the recesses of our mind, and then, we get zinged and we have a PTSD moment of our own. 
It is an honor and privilege to parent our children in a way that brings them into a place of safety and healing.
I wrote this post about 3 years ago and a LOT has happened since then. SO, instead of rewriting what I already wrote.  Here is my old post. And then I'll add some more thoughts.  I apologize this is so long.

                                     Any Unpacked Bags?

As parents, our children come most of the time when we are young and foolish and in no way ready to be parents. That is how God chose to do it! :)
It seems that God has made a great effort to want us to be dependent upon HIM for every breath of life that we breathe and every step we take. Our inadequacy glaring at us each day caused us to run for our prayer closet and hang onto our Heavenly Father for the inspiration of the day, for the strength to get to the coffee pot, for the words we spoke and the energy our days required of us.

As our children got older and we were more comfortable with what direction they were taking, we relaxed a bit, as we knew that GOD had ordained their steps and our job was almost done. It was a time of thrilling enjoyment, seeing those flowers unfold into beautiful bloom. (yes,even with boys the analogy works)

Now, there are those crazy types that have decided to do it all over again! LOL You know who you are....

But the difference is: They come potty trained and talking back! They haven't learned your language, either unspoken OR spoken. They come with loads of baggage that needs to be sorted through and a tangled mess of ideas and hurts that give the feeling of continual untangling of Christmas lights. AHHHHH!!!!! You can throw the Christmas lights away and buy a new set! (don't tell, but I have actually done this before)
But our Children are not throw away. There is something new we must learn, like.....
timing, patience, kindness, careful untangling of a little life and unpacking of a bag so tattered that if you don't unzip it carefully it will fall apart.

So, we say to ourselves... this a different sort of kid. This kid didn't come with instructions.(even though we know very well our others didn't either)
If we are not careful, we can find ourselves looking through instruction manuals of a different nature that will offer loads of "man's wisdom", devoid of Godly wisdom.

Some books are great and we can identify things in our dear children in them, and they can offer help to us BUT without prayer and discernment, they can also be VERY, VERY dangerous. The same goes with counselors, and those who have made businesses dealing with emotional pain and baggage.
While some of the information and techniques used can be utilized in a positive way, some of it is just down right dangerous, and we MUST discern what is best for our children.
This very issue SHOULD bring us to our knees in prayer and to the Word of God for instruction, but slowly, instead, the phone call is made to the counselor, the books are re read and we forget Who our TRUE source of guidance is.
Don't get me wrong. I am not against reading of books, and I read them A LOT too. But it is a battle to remember to hold them up to the whole counsel of the word of God.
I am not against counseling either, as I think sometimes there are things they can offer for a parent to try, or offer advice to the parent themselves that they may need to work through some of their own issues.

What I AM against is the forcing of a child to face things he or she may not be ready to face. I am 50 years old, and there are STILL things in my life from long ago that I am JUST NOW, starting to comprehend. I don't think any amount of counseling would have helped me to see it any sooner.

I remember several years ago, after a very traumatic event in my life, a counselor at a church kept calling me. She kept trying to get me to come and and talk to her and she persisted to the point that I totally shut down. I didn't want to talk to her. I wasn't ready. I didn't want her prodding me for how I felt or act like she cared about me. I felt like one of her "projects" she had chosen to fix.
What welled up in me was anger, frustration and self thoughts of inadequacy and pain.
Why does SHE think I need fixing? Why MUST she bother me so?

I finally wrote a letter to her and the church pastor and asked him to please tell her to lay off. I didn't need her help. I needed to work things out between ME and my LORD. She is not my intermediary! I have no need of one.
She didn't back off, and I found sanctuary at a new church.

You know what happened? The pastor there was amazing. He was a little younger and the church was HUGE. ( I thought I could hide out for a while) He saw me and 4 little boys watching the worship team practice. I was so used to going to church early for music; but I was no longer fit.

That guy came over and sat down and showed me respect and kindness. He introduced himself and talked to each of the boys who were between 4 and 8. He never asked me where my husband was. He never asked if I was in need of anything. He just respected me as person, and then he went on his merry way. Oh I was never so thankful for a simple kind person to just treat me as normal.

In time, the Lord brought things to my heart and I poured my heart our to HIM. Later he provided me with a friend to share with, but it had to be with HIM first!

Why do I say all that?

Because I think so many times we are on a mission to "fix" our children. We are on the fast track to make them whole, and in the process, we may be missing God's timing, and our children's timing.
They may not be ready for things to be discussed. They may just need to chill and be loved just for who they are, with all their quirks and unpacked bags. They may need us to soak that scab in love so it gets soft and doesn't hurt when it comes off.
(sorry for the gross analogy)

I remember when our Anna came to us and decided she wanted to be a baby. She went through the birth process all on her own, curling up under a blanket and being "born" and then snuggling up and I gave her a bottle of warm milk and swaddled and rocked her. THIS WAS NOT INITIATED BY ME OR ANOTHER PERSON, though I have heard of it being done; this was initiated by HER!
She was 6, and after she finished, she looked me straight in the eye and said, "YOU ARE MY MAMA!" It was like she birthed herself into a new role in the family. She was REALLY part of a family and chose to identify herself in that way.

Well, along came Sarah and guess what? After about 6 months.... she did the exact same thing. I thought... how interesting. They have both done this and they are the ones who have initiated this. I felt honored.

When Erika came, she was a little older (almost 8) She of course loved being rocked and sang to, and because of her physical problems, she could not curl into a ball under a blanket on my lap, but she wanted to. We tried some different things and so we just announced that we had a new baby. I held her in my arms and talked to her just like I talked to the boys when they were newborns. "Oh, look at her Mike, she is just BEAUTIFUL"! Look at her hair. Look at her eyes! She is ours! We prayed for her and we gooed and gahhed at her and she snuggled up, just as the other girls did.
She actually went a little further and she would catch me in the hall and grab me and then pretend to nurse! YIKES...... She was fascinated for a few weeks about if her brothers were nursed etc. I explained to her that not all babies are nursed, so though her brothers were nursed with mother's milk, Tim wasn't able to latch on because of being preemie. She was preemie too.

These things happened over time. We had incidents with each girl of disturbing behaviors, but saw those as bags being unpacked. And the longer we loved them, the longer we respected them, the longer we were able to reach them, the more those behaviors disappeared.
As we have been able to instruct them and lead them to Christ.... they have continued to grow and are now learning to ask HIM for help and comfort along with mom and dad.
The words placed in their hearts, the love that has been planted is growing and each of them, are shining in their own ways.
All bags are NOT unpacked. But in God's timing, it will happen. God's timing evokes change from the heart. It is welcomed and does not bring resentfulness and anger.
His timing brings about repentance and healing.

If it were up to me.... I'd want everything fixed today. No YESTERDAY! But God is multi-layered. He knows that I need to continue to learn patience and kindness and a big helping of MORE forgiveness.
AND.... as He helps them unpack their bags, He shows me that I still have some bags to unpack too, and so we do it together. :)




So,  here we are 3 years later, with another little girl under our roof. We have 2 teenagers and in 2 weeks, we will have 2 12 year olds also. :)    I remember so well, when we first started this adventure in life, Anna was 5.  I counted the years until she was 13. "Just 8! " I thought to myself.  We lost her first 5 years, and almost 6 of Sarah's life and almost 8 of Erika's life, and a full 11 years and one month of Alli's life!
According to some books, MANY books, the losses our girls had, the lack of instruction, the lack of nurturing, the abuse, the anger, the rejection again and again, should have led us to believe that they were lost causes.... chaff, forever to be labeled RAD, or some other sort of label.  But according to THE BOOK, it says, "I will make all things NEW!" "I came to heal the broken hearted."
 
Instead of disaster,  I am the delighted mother of 4 young ladies who are caring, loving, compassionate, nurturing, sweet TEENAGE and TWEENAGE girls.  I am so GLAD that we did not listen to the books.... or in some cases FOLLOW the books....
Praise the Lord. He is the Lord of new beginnings, of starting over, and of healing our deepest and most personal burdens.  I have come to understand over the years, God's mercy in my own life, and His wisdom in allowing me to go through so much personal pain.  It was meant for what I do today. It  was meant to prepare me for the life I have now.  I fully believe this to be true.  There are MANY times that I can relate to my girls, because of my own personal past.
Thank you Lord for answering my "Why" prayers. :)

So, as we continue down this journey called Life, I am so honored.  I am so in love with my husband and with what the Lord has called Mike and I to do....I  love all of my dear children.
And the more we unpack, the richer our lives become.  I am one LUCKY mama. :)

Martin Luther King Day

We had school today, and we talked about Martin Luther King Jr.  I shared with the girls all that I remember of that period of time and what my own experiences were during the Civil Rights Movement.  And then I had the girls spend time writing a short Essay on "I Have A Dream"....

Here were the results.  I found it very interesting how they each personalized today.  It is human nature that we ALL want to be treated equally.  :)

Erika:
"I have a dream that All people wouldn't get mocked or teased just because they are a little different. There are kids out there that get teased because they mumble when they talk, or other kids that have missing parts of their bodies. I myself am one of them. When I walk, I swing sideways. I have arms that look deformed and I have two prosthetic feet. So when I go on short walks or go to the store, people look at me as if I am an alien from another planet. My dream is that someday adults and children will look at all people, black or white, disabled or not, retarded or silent, the way God looks at us.
The Bible says that we are all fearfully and wonderfully made. God knitted us together in our mother's womb the way He wanted us to be. Psalm 139:13-14.
"For you formed my inward part; you knitted me in my mother's womb. I will give thanks to you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made, Wonderful are your works and my soul knows it very well. Amen!"


Anna:
(I am just going to post part of hers... as hers was very similar to the other girls but had a different twist at the end. )
"I want to be a Nation that has a reputation for being kind and not critical. I want people to visit America and go home wishing that their nation could be like ours."

Sarah:

I have a dream that all lpeole would be treated the same; that they would be KIND! I have a dream that people wouldn't be bullied just because they had a fake leg or missing body parts, autism or a different skin color.
I know one thing: I would not want to be treated meanly. People that treat other people that way are called bullies.
If you are just trying to have fun at a park or something and someone is teasing you, on the outside you may act and say it didn't hurt your feelings, but inside your whole body is shaking because you are mad and your feelings ARE hurt. You almost feel sorry for that person.
I have had the experience, and I hope that you don't. But even if you don't look like you have problems, people will try to find a way to hurt you. Everybody has a problem of some kind.
So no matter what, don't let anyone ruin your life and always be kind to everyone. Love your family, friends neighbors, enemies and even bullies. SO my dream is that people wouldn't be bullied or treated wrongly just because of the way God made them.
DON'T BE A BULLY 

And then Alli's (part of which really made me laugh)
I have a dream taht all people who have problems will not be made fun of, because they might get their feelings hurt. Like y sisters; they have people stare at how they walk of how thier legs are shaped. It hurts my feelings that people do that.
I also dream taht I could be a doctor or a teacher so I can help people that have problems. I sometimes think about how lucky people are if they have a fake legs or legs, becasue they won't get cuts or bruises.
I am happy that some people are even alive. I am glad that God gave everybody life to dream and see His miracles .

Love my girl's thoughts. :)

My Sweet Alli

I have to say, I had to smile inside today at Miss Alli.  She has had a bit of a cold and I am one to doctor the kids up abit when they are sick. I have always been this way.  One thing I use is Vicks Vapo-Rub. I put it on their chests and back when they have a cough. 
Today, I had forgotten to do it in the a.m.  I remembered around 10:30 a.m.  I told Alli, "I need to put this on you!"  She said, ""Oh, I was hoping your would forget!" "But really, I was hoping you would remember."
Do you like Mama taking care of you?
"YES"...  and she had a big grin! :)

I felt so special when she said that. She LOVES being taken care of, even if it is rather sticky and stinky. :)

The Late Night Crazies

One last dance.... :)

Our 10 month Alli Update

I am so proud of my little girl.  We ALL are!  She is doing amazing.  We hit our 10 month mark on January 2nd. :)  I am thrilled to say that Miss Alli is sooooo Hooome! 

Other than the incident a few weeks ago due to some insensitive comments made, we have had no meltdowns.  She has been a delight to everybody.    She and I are home sick today from Church, so she is snuggled up on the couch drinking hot tea and watching Super Book cartoons.   :)  

We had a chance a little while ago to talk and reminisce.  I showed her the Russian Orphan Light House Project blog and explained to her that the hosting program is how she was able to come in the first place.   We tried to go back and find pictures and boy did we find a few! Yea! She saw a picture of her sister and her first family holding up a sign waiting for her sister to get off of the plane.  (November 08)
Then,  she saw a picture of herself in that famous bow!   She smiled and said, "Don't they ask to put pictures up?"    She would LOVE to not have that huge bow in her hair. LOL
She could not remember the name of her orphanage, so we emailed the director of the Light House project.  She emailed us back a few minutes ago.... :)  We now KNOW where her orphanage was!

"The name of the orphanage is Yolotchka, and the town was Shumerly, in the Chuvashia region of Russia."

I don't know why I didn't think to ask before! LOL
As we sat together, she was so calm and relaxed and pointed out a few people she knew, and then she said, "You know what mama?" "I hardly ever even think about them anymore."  "It doesn't bother me anymore."  "I love my family."

She is so pleased that she is a Minich.  She is so pleased that she has been here for 10 months and that her birthday is next month! 

So we started discussing what kind of cake she wants. She gets to help bake it, which is tradition and she is totally thrilled by that.  I think we have decided on a chocolate torte with a mixture of creme cheese and nutella for filling, with a chocolate ganache for the icing.... and sparkler candles. 
Daddy will be getting a cheese cake.  His favorite.  (their birthdays are on the same day)

Alli has grown so much I cannot keep track..... she has gained OVER 10 LBS and a few inches.
She woke up yesterday and both Mike and I thought she had grown in her sleep again. LOL

She has improved so much in her personal skills.  It is no longer a battle to get hair brushed. Erika has had a huge impact on her in this area.  She takes good care of herself now.  I get a sense that she really cares about herself, much more than she did before.

 She is probably one of the most creative kids I have met, who can take paper, tape, crayons, scissors and make nearly ANYTHING.  She even made her own envelope to send a letter, and it was a really great job! 

Today, she wanted to make a TV for her Barbie Dolls, so she took some old styrofoam and made a TV with "The Little Mermaid" on the screen. LOL
I cannot wait to post her  1 year update.  It will be one month after her birthday. :)  She is so excited about it. :)

Language Comprehension Funny

This morning Mike was getting ready to leave for church.   (Alli and I are home sick today)
He couldn't locate his wallet.  He said, "The last time I remember having it, was when I  made Steve change."  Steve is our friend.
So I asked, "where were you when you did that?"
Mike said, "In the yard by the wood pile. "

Alli with a surprised look says, "You made Steve change his clothes outside??"  LOL

Daddy said, "No, I made change for his money."  :) 

Thoughts About Emotional Age

I have been doing some reading today and it got me to thinking about when our girls first came home verses where they are now.

Each of them were VERY young emotionally when they were first home, including our oldest adoptee and youngest PRECIOUS daughter,  Miss Alli.... (She was 11 when she came home.)

The things that were common ground among all of them, had to do with finding things around the house and hoarding them.  That means, pencils, scissors, crayons, hair brushes, food items, junk mail, and countless other types of items. 
They ALL did this! 
They would also wear my shoes, or wear them outside and leave them OUTSIDE!   Oh the shoes that I could not find!

The one thing I never thought about, was that it was STEALING.  You know why? Because it WASN'T!
Even though they were old enough to know better gestationally, they were NOT old enough to know better emotionally.
So, instead of accusing them of "stealing".... we simply said, "Oh I see you have my scissors in your room. Those belong in mommy's drawer, can you please put them there?  And the answer would always be yes.  They may wind up in the room again, and the process was repeated. 
We never said, "YOU STOLE MY SCISSORS!"  Because, 1. this would have done nothing to help them, and 2.  Emotionally, they couldn't understand the concept.

When our boys were little, there were all sorts of things I would find in their rooms. Spoons, scissors, paper, FOOD..... I never thought once that it was "stealing".  They were little. They found something interesting or tasty and they wanted it; plain and simple.  Over time, they learned that it was not ok to have certain things and some things were off limits!

In the same way, our children who come to us through adoption learn.  Many times they may be 3 emotionally but 12 physically.  We MUST deal with the 3 year old when it comes to this type of behavior.  Gently letting them know to put things back, not put food in their room, not put their clean socks under the bed, not collect every hair brush in the house or wear mama's shoes ......These are all developmental things that must be learned at the AGE your child is EMOTIONALLY!
To ACCUSE a child who is that young emotionally is damaging to them. It brings them shame and will NOT help them to heal.

I am VERY HAPPY to say after 10 Months of Miss Alli being home, I am no longer looking for pens or scissors. :)  Now, I did have to ask where my shoes were today, but she found them for me right away.  Her wearing my shoes is a compliment actually. :)

I think sometimes we are so quick to accuse... and think badly of our children, when in reality, they are just very young and need instruction.... Once they learn, without SHAME, they catch on very fast, and we can find our scissors! LOL

Really Fun Day

I have to say, today was so enjoyable.  The girls were all so fun. We started with waking up from an all girl slumber party in our room.  From there, Erika and Alli went with me to a few stores to do some needed grocery shopping. We stopped for lunch and and went to World Market. We had such a fun time.  Alli was in AWE of World Market.  Erika said, "I told you she'd love it!"

Thinking about the girls  and how they came to us brought such joy.  Sitting there admiring them, watching them laugh and talk and have such a fun time. pulling myself away and just observing them was so enjoyable. :)
Alli was showing me pictures she had taken with Erika's old camera. (Erika gave Alli her old camera since she got a new one for Christmas)
I cannot describe the feeling of watching those two and thinking about where they were before.  Erika has been home almost 6 years! (hard to believe) And Alli has been home 10 1/2 months.

Interestingly, they both started talking about the first time they met me and what they remember and what they said. We laughed SO Hard! :)

I love days like this. :)

Great Day To Wash the Van

The girlies decided to wash the van because of the great weather. Now I would have been freezing. It is only in the 60's, but after a few 40 degree days, it felt like summer. Almost. :)

You Gotta See This

It appears the little girlies are picking up where their brothers left off, in their love for photography and making video.
They showed me the beginnings of something they are working on for Alli's birthday.  I had tears in my eyes. What a loving thing for them to do. 
Thanks so much for your Creativity Anna. :) Thank you Erika and Sarah for all your advice and input.

These girls just bless me so much. :)

The Versatile Blogger Award

I was very surprised to be the recipient of a blog award.  Thank you so very much Annie, from One Mother's Day.   You are an encouragement to me and I thank you for being such a great mom to your children.

So here's how this works.  There are two parts to it when you are nominated.  First you have to list seven things about yourself that your readers might not know.  Then you pass the love along by nominating (up to) five of your favorite blogs for the award.

So here goes:  SEVEN things that my readers might not know....

1.  I never graduated from College.  That is, unless you consider an MRS degree.  I married after my freshman year.

2.  By the time I was 24 years old, I was mother to 4 young sons.  41/2 , 2 1/2, 1 1/2   and a newborn.
     I got to choose my youngest son's name all by myself. :)  Marcus David. 

3.  I moved so much as a child, I cannot count how many schools I went to; but I had 5 moves in high school and I went to 4 different high schools, one of them twice.

4. I had a WONDERFUL time and experience with Mike in Ukraine.  I LOVED walking the streets of the city and trying to speak Russian at the stores.

5.  I have been working on a book for a LONG time.

6.  I LOVED raising my boys and I LOVE raising my girls.

7.  One time when I was cutting my 3 year old son's hair, I cut his ear accidently.... He moved.
After that, to this day, every person's hair that I cut says, "Don't cut my ear!"  The guys passed that info down to the girls and I will never outlive it!

8.  Technology Scares me. 

9.  I made a New Year's Resolution last year to go paper free with my calendar and I did it!

10.  I  LOVE watching cartoons.  My favorite one: Ben and Me.

11.  I would love to live in Ukraine.

(ok, that was more than 7.... so I'll stop) :)

I guess I'll keep going: :)

12.  Dabba, is my former mother in law, who is very close to me, just as if she were my own mom.
       I have written about her several times. She is AMAZING and I LOVE HER.... She taught me so   much about life and love.

13.  Mike and I have been married for almost 23 years and we are thrilled to be married to each other.

14.  I have the coolest grand children in the world.... Katie and Lilly are the oldest. They are so special to me.  I miss them terribly since they moved to the far away place of New Mexico.



1. Dulce de Leche.  I love how frank and honest and refreshing she is.

2. The Life of Little Eunice    Ivy is so entertaining.  I love her humor, recipes, ideas and stories about her life.

3. The Adventures of Erika    Erika is really doing well at blogging.  She is creative and thoughtful.
      I love reading things from her perspective.  :)

4.  Wrong in All the Right Ways   If you need a good laugh, Catherine's blog is the place to go. She is so funny, and her family is very precious.  It was great to meet her here in Dallas when the girls had surgery.  Love her blog.

5.  Baseballs Butterflies and Blessings   Katie is one amazing mama.  I wish I had my act together as much as she does when I was her age. :)  Katie is full of Spiritual insight and thoughtfulness.  I love how she parents her two precious babies. 


Check out these blogs when you have an opportunity... you will be encouraged and entertained, get great recipes, and insights.

Thank you ladies for being awesome bloggers!

Games

"Girls, we need to bring in some firewood!"
Alli- "Hey I know, we can play a game that we bring in firewood!"  :)
OK!

Alli Got Ahold of My Camera

 I think she likes taking pictures.

  She even took some self portraits. :)

She caught me cooking dinner. :)

Love it!

A Creative Way To Memorize States and Capitals

I decided to take the map down and let the girls play with it.  I asked them, "Do you want to take a road trip?"   I got interesting looks.
"Divide up your cars. The first person who places all their cars on the map wins!"

So I called out the capitals and they had to drive their cars to the destination.  If they got their first, they could leave their car on that state. 

They had a blast!  And it was much funner than just rote memorizing. :)

Family Finances

Mike and I set up our budget in a program we use for our business called Account Edge.  I was looking for simple, but he is looking for me to learn AccountEdge better so I can be more useful in the business. So it was a win-win situation. :)

I have officially entered the purchases made this month into the program and created categories for tracking.  It appears I will be able to track food expenses, gas expenses, clothing expenses, home education expenses, and the possibilities are endless. :) 

On Wednesday, I'll add a category for Dental expenses.

I also want to track savings earmarked for vacation and holidays.  I wonder, if we VISUALLY SEE where we are lacking, if it will help us to prepare better, and make different choices?  We are already pretty frugal, but we can always be more frugal. After all, I really don't need a burrito by Gluten Freeda to make my day. Especially if it is a splurge of $ 2.50, and frankly, didn't taste that good. 

My biggie is also going to be keeping track VERY CLOSELY of receipts.  2 times last year I needed to return something and could NOT find the receipt. Not a good example for the girls.

Gluten Free Fried Chicken

I made this tonight and boy was it good!  I have not fried chicken in YEARS, but for some reason, I just wanted some. :)
There is a rather loose recipe, as all recipes are around here. :)

GLUTEN FREE FRIED CHICKEN

Soak the chicken in buttermilk for a few hours

Pat the chicken dry, salt and pepper it.
Dip the chicken in beaten eggs. (3 will suffice)
dredge it in the coating:
(rice flour mixed with potato starch and spices of your choice....
(I used garlic, paprika, pepper, salt)
Let it rest while oil is heating and dredge it through the flour mixture again.

Fry until done....

Wow! I have to say, it was wonderful. :)

I Just Love The Adorables

I call Marcus and Ivy, Will and Charlie, the Adorables.  Soon, little Olivia will be here to join them, and she will be just as adorable as they are.  Ivy wrote a very important post tonight and I wanted to share it.
You can read it HERE.... and I'll put in in repost here:

Sweet dreams

One thing that is very important to me as a mommy is to make sure my babies go to bed feeling very loved and very secure.  I find that night can feel lonely and I don't want my babies ever feeling alone.

So other than praying with them, cuddling and giving tons of kisses.  I have special little things that I do with them.  Every night I say to Will
"I loved you today more than I loved you yesterday.
And tomorrow I am going to love you even more than I loved you today!
Every day I love you more and more--
More than ever before!"
And now that he has it memorized he repeats it with me.  Then I always act surprised and ask, "how did you know?!"  "because I am so smart!" he says.

Charlie's language is just not there yet for something like that.  So I just tell him every night that he is a gift from God to me.  He laughs and says, "noooooo..... Will gift!"  He is just so precious; I could eat him up.

My children really are a blessings and I love each one so so so so much.
Oh how I love my daughter in law Ivy. :)  She captures motherhood so very well, and shows that mommys are so very important to their little ones.  She leads them in rituals that to some, don't seem important, but in reality..... She is having a very powerful effect on her babies. (our babies) :)

I read an article today on brain function and how children who are not snuggled, cuddled, nurtured are forever changed in the brain.  It was a NYtimes article.
The article states that the lack of nurturing and care in the early years, can have catastrophic effects on a person.
I am SOOOO GLAD that Will, Charlie and Olivia, will not have the experience of a lack of love or attention, because Marcus and Ivy fully recognize their role and responsibility as parents.
Raising emotionally healthy children is one of the most important things a person can do.... Those children, will rule the world someday.... :)

Who knows, between all those grandsons I may know who to vote for eventually! :)

Ilse and Ems

So Sweet! :)

Russian/Ukrainian Christmas

Today is Orthodox Christmas.  We had our very first Christmas Meal on January 7th.  It included traditional Salad, Pelmeni and then Borscht.  Our desert was those Russian Cookies that are chocolate covered wafers. 
It was really fun!

What Do You Do When Damaging Words Are Spoken?

I wrote a blog post a couple of days ago called "THINGS NOT TO SAY!" 
I wanted to give an update on what happened and why our WORDS are SO VERY important.  I also want to share how I personally feel about situations like this, and what good can come from them.

If you read my linked post, a relative visited and said, "If you don't like this home you can come home with me!" 
This statement was made to a child who has been removed from her first home into an orphanage, then adopted by Americans, rejected by them, then sent to respite care, rejected once again by the first family, then sent to a Psych Unite for Evaluation, rejected once again by the first family, back to respite care then on to another adoptive family and rejected by them once again.  BOTH families spoke things I cannot write here. Things that SHOULD NEVER BE SAID.

Now, this relative KNOWS this.  She also KNOWS that Alli is fragile. She is doing well, has been doing very well, but she is still fragile.
To say I am upset about it is an understatement.  I am mama-bear angry.

Alli has struggled the last few days to gain her stability back.  She went from being a family member, to feeling like an outsider.  She has been dysregulated off and on and still says the statement really scared her.  It put her RIGHT BACK WHERE SHE WAS BEFORE SHE CAME HOME.
It has been hard work over the past couple of days to reassure her of our love for her, that she is not an outsider and does not pick her family when this one doesn't work out, because THIS ONE WILL WORK OUT! 
She was already worrying about what she was going to do and where she was going to go. 
Logically she knows she is staying.... but emotionally, she was walling up and protecting her heart, which means she began to lash out. 
To the average person, that lashing out made no sense.  But to us, it made total sense.
I have to say, I have the most awesome  husband and daughters.

They are all outside playing together right now, and being very forgiving.  Working through all the hurts of the past really HURTS.... A scab was pulled off and is beginning to heal once again.

A scab was pulled off for me too, and my wounds hurt too.... this relative is just difficult.

As for Mike and I, we made the decision FOR the forseeable future.... that this relative will not be able to come to  our home.   We will not be bringing the girls to their home.  We will make calls and be kind, but I cannot take this chance again.  It has happened before with our other girls, and we have been very guarded as to not cause our girls undue injury to their hearts.

I am saddened that Mike's mom and dad are no longer alive to be grand parents to our girls. :( 
But, we have the local nursing home and Miss Joy brings all of us Joy every week when we see her for Church. :)

Today, started out hard, with our sweetie once again feeling sad and totally vulnerable, convinced this family was not going to work, even though she is quite happy. Poor kid. :(

This afternoon, after praying and talking and just letting her talk it out, and her listening to me talk too, we are doing much better.

I was also able to use this a little for our good. I say a "little" because I'm still upset.  But we did talk to our girls about how to respond when people say stupid things.  We can take them and own them, or we can reject them as dumb comments that have no value or meaning.  It is like letting rude comments fall on deaf ears.
It is time for Miss Alli to take her stance on this and say "I AM A MINICH!"  And this may catapult her into having more ability to do just that! 

WE ARE TEAM MINICH~!

An Update on Perspectives

I posted yesterday about family friends who's 7 year old daughter has a brain tumor. They just found out yesterday evening, she had an emergency procedure done last night, and then tomorrow, they will have surgery to try and remove the tumor. 
Please pray for this precious family.  Here is the latest update.   They will know tomorrow if the tumor is benign or cancerous.  I cannot imagine.

It is a large brain tumor, approx 5cm x 5.6cm x 7cm . . . it has flattened Andrea's cerebellum into the shape of a pancake, and there is a build-up of intracranial pressure. The doctors believe it is likely a Juvenile Pilocytic Astrocytoma (JPA) tumor.

 

 

THINGS NOT TO SAY!!!!

We had a visit today from a relative.  It is always difficult for me with this particular relative, even though I enjoyed our visit.  Except for one thing!

She had not met Alli yet, and what is the first thing she says?  "Well, if you decide you don't like it here, you can just come home with me!"  UGH!  BIG FAT UGH!!!!!!

I very quickly intervened and said, "But you are here to stay sweetie!"  I then told, very NICELY I might add,  my relative, please don't do that again.  She said, "I was only kidding..."  I think I should have been firmer.

Well, we have had a couple of stellar days, and her "only kidding" had an effect on Alli. It SCARED her.   She didn't say anything at all.  She even said, "I thought she was nice."
And then, I could sense nervousness on her part.
She was starting to get dysregulated.  I could clearly see things were not the same as they had been all day.

"Alli, how did you feel about what X said?"  She instantly said, "Mama, that was scary!"  I got out my mama necklace from under my shirt and said, "You are here to stay. I'm your mama, you are NOT going anywhere! Ok?" 

She was relieved. And  I am so glad to clarify that with her. 

If you are reading this blog and don't think it was a big deal.... please let me assure you it WAS.  To say something like that to a child who has been moved around like Alli is downright STUPID.
It would be like asking an Iraqi war veteran who suffers from PTSD, if they would like to go back, remind them of the combat and then tell them "let's go!  hahahaha.  Not too funny.

To brush it off like it was nothing, without trying to understand, well, that is par for the course. :( Other than that, we had a good visit.

Perspectives

With all the election hoopalla going on and the discussions on candidates, with all the news on the Middle East to ponder, with all the silly little things we obsess about, like paper or plastic, saving a few pennies with coupons, what laundry soap to use or if we should save more..... NONE of it matters when reality hits home.

Today, our friends' are pondering what really matters....
This a.m. they were talking about the year, politics etc.
Tonight, their little 7 year old girl is in the hospital, diagnosed with a brain tumor.
Today, some things probably seemed important.
Tonight, IMPORTANCE has taken on new meaning.

Please join me in praying for Little Andrea and her family.  More will be known tomorrow.

A Reminder for Me!

THINK TRAUMA!  THINK FEAR!  THINK BEFORE YOU ACT!
there. I feel better. :)

We had a WONDERFUL time visiting family, playing, relaxing and having a carefree schedule.  However, it is all coming to an end, until next time.

Why oh WHY did I not think that it would effect Alli?  She made it through the holidays so well...yet, there was this little under the surface feeling that I couldn't quite put my finger on.  And then....BOOM!
Yep! It was a BOOM, because I-ME- Muwa- wasn't paying attention, and didn't address it properly.
And she fell apart. :(

Sometimes our kids are so fragile, it is like a Humpty-Dumpty situation.  Thankfully all the pieces CAN be put together again.  And they come together quickly, especially when mom has her head on straight.

Last night DURING Family worship, Alli spilled some milk on the coffee table.  The milk wasn't an issue at all.  It was what happened afterwards....
Daddy asked her very nicely to clean it up so it wouldn't get all over. She was embarrassed about the spill, and brought in 1/2 a paper towel sheet to clean it up.  It was not NEAR enough, so he asked her to get more. She complied but was angry.  And then she was spreading it on the surface of the table instead of really letting it absorb.
The more he tried to help, the angrier she got, and then she said something snotty.  I tried to intervene and help her, but it was too late, and at that point she was combative. 


Instead of taking a breath and THINKING.... I walked right into the bee hive, and then I became the bee.  UGH
I tried to make her clean the table with my grouchiness.... it didn't work....
After several minutes,  and me gaining my head, I apologized for losing my temper. Then we went together into my room away from everybody else. 
We were quiet for a few minutes and then I tried to talk with her. She was in full PTSD mode.  I could see FEAR all over her face. It was then I realized, everything is over, and it is anniversary time once again.  She was moved before at this time.  Disruption wreaks such pain and havoc on our children. :(
Even if it is better, than staying where a child was, it doesn't mean that the sting of rejection isn't there.  Logically everybody may know this, but emotionally it really does suck dirt.

Instantly I asked her to listen carefully and look into my eyes.  Are you afraid you are leaving?  She burst into tears. "YES!"  "I'm afraid you don't love me!"
She sobbed for a while and said how sorry she was for how she acted.

So we snuggled and I showed her my mama necklace. "I'm your mama... You are NOT going ANYWHERE!  I do not love you because you are pretty, or because you are funny or smart, even though you are all of those things. I LOVE YOU because I CHOOSE to love you! And that is that!"
I love your fiestiness.... I love your tenderness.  I love you!
That means, I am committed to you and you can plan on getting married and I will be there!

To that she said, "I am not getting married mama!" "Can I just plan on living with you forever?" :)
So there we were looking at each other and I said, "We really need to stop meeting like this!" LOL
After that she went back into the living room and apologized to each of her sisters and her daddy. And I did too. And then we continued our evening..... whew! LOL

I want to work really hard this year on helping HER recognize when those feelings start to come, to be able to let us know so we can address it before it blows up.
I have several ideas on this that I will blog about once I see if they work. :)
I also want to work harder to remember that we have much ahead of us in healing, and I need to be THINKING before I speak. 
And Daddy, well daddy is just the best daddy.  He talked with her once again this a.m. and reassured her of his love for her.

Today was a  FABULOUS DAY!  

They Are Gone :(

We had a wonderful visit, and we will see them again....but they are GONE! :(
Truman said, "Ya-Ya". :)

When Generations Collide

I am an older mom.  I was 40 when Anna was born.  That is not out of the ordinary in our society today, but it WAS out of the ordinary when I was a child; or maybe my world was just very small.

I was a young mom for our first set of kids, having 4 boys by the time I was 24. They were all grown and out of the house by the time I was 45.  (right about the time Anna came)

So, this a.m. Anna requests oatmeal and an egg for breakfast.  She had a magazine in her hand and said, "I want to live a longer life!"
I served her breakfast to her and found the article she was reading....It was out of the AARP magazine! ROFL! 
Maybe I should actually READ that magazine too! LOL

When Anna And I Went To The Dentist

This is what was going on at home! :)

The Resolutions of Jonathan Edwards

 Jonathan Edwards was a Puritan Minister and Missionary who lived during the 1700's.  His List of Resolutions is amazing. I have read them many times.  I have taken some of these into my own life and made them my own resolutions too.  I hope they bless you today. :)

CM

 

                       Jonathan Edwards’ Resolution

                                 The Resolutions of Jonathan Edwards (1722-1723)
Being sensible that I am unable to do anything without God’s help, I do humbly entreat him by his grace to enable me to keep these Resolutions, so far as they are agreeable to his will, for Christ’s sake.

1. Resolved, that I will do whatsoever I think to be most to God’s glory, and my own good, profit and pleasure, in the whole of my duration, without any consideration of the time, whether now, or never so many myriad’s of ages hence. Resolved to do whatever I think to be my duty and most for the good and advantage of mankind in general. Resolved to do this, whatever difficulties I meet with, how many and how great soever.
2. Resolved, to be continually endeavoring to find out some new invention and contrivance to promote the aforementioned things.
3. Resolved, if ever I shall fall and grow dull, so as to neglect to keep any part of these Resolutions, to repent of all I can remember, when I come to myself again.
4. Resolved, never to do any manner of thing, whether in soul or body, less or more, but what tends to the glory of God; nor be, nor suffer it, if I can avoid it.
5. Resolved, never to lose one moment of time; but improve it the most profitable way I possibly can.
6. Resolved, to live with all my might, while I do live.
7. Resolved, never to do anything, which I should be afraid to do, if it were the last hour of my life.
8. Resolved, to act, in all respects, both speaking and doing, as if nobody had been so vile as I, and as if I had committed the same sins, or had the same infirmities or failings as others; and that I will let the knowledge of their failings promote nothing but shame in myself, and prove only an occasion of my confessing my own sins and misery to God.
9. Resolved, to think much on all occasions of my own dying, and of the common circumstances which attend death.
10. Resolved, when I feel pain, to think of the pains of martyrdom, and of hell.
11. Resolved, when I think of any theorem in divinity to be solved, immediately to do what I can towards solving it, if circumstances don’t hinder.
12. Resolved, if I take delight in it as a gratification of pride, or vanity, or on any such account, immediately to throw it by.
13. Resolved, to be endeavoring to find out fit objects of charity and liberality.
14. Resolved, never to do anything out of revenge.
15. Resolved, never to suffer the least motions of anger to irrational beings.
16. Resolved, never to speak evil of anyone, so that it shall tend to his dishonor, more or less, upon no account except for some real good.
17. Resolved, that I will live so as I shall wish I had done when I come to die.
18. Resolved, to live so at all times, as I think is best in my devout frames, and when I have clearest notions of things of the gospel, and another world.
19. Resolved, never to do anything, which I should be afraid to do, if I expected it would not be above an hour, before I should hear the last trump.
20. Resolved, to maintain the strictest temperance in eating and drinking.
21. Resolved, never to do anything, which if I should see in another, I should count a just occasion to despise him for, or to think any way the more meanly of him.
22. Resolved, to endeavor to obtain for myself as much happiness, in the other world, as I possibly can, with all the power; might, vigor, and vehemence, yea violence, I am capable of, or can bring myself to exert, in any way that can be thought of.
23. Resolved, frequently to take some deliberate action, which seems most unlikely to be done, for the glory of God, and trace it back to the original intention, designs and ends of it; and if I find it not to be for God’s glory, to repute it as a breach of the 4th Resolution.
24. Resolved, whenever I do any conspicuously evil action, to trace it back, till I come to the original cause; and then both carefully endeavor to do so no more, and to fight and pray with all my might against the original of it.
25. Resolved, to examine carefully, and constantly, what that one thing in me is, which causes me in the least to doubt of the love of God; and to direct all my forces against it.
26. Resolved, to cast away such things, as I find do abate my assurance.
27. Resolved, never willfully to omit anything, except the omission be for the glory of God; and frequently to examine my omissions.
28. Resolved, to study the Scriptures so steadily, constantly and frequently, as that I may find, and plainly perceive myself to grow in the knowledge of the same.
29. Resolved, never to count that a prayer, nor to let that pass as a prayer, nor that as a petition of a prayer, which is so made, that I cannot hope that God will answer it; nor that as a confession, which I cannot hope God will accept.
30. Resolved, to strive to my utmost every week to be brought higher in religion, and to a higher exercise of grace, than I was the week before.
31. Resolved, never to say anything at all against anybody, but when it is
perfectly agreeable to the highest degree of Christian honor, and of love to mankind, agreeable to the lowest humility, and sense of my own faults and failings, and agreeable to the golden rule; often, when I have said anything against anyone, to bring it to, and try it strictly by the test of this Resolution.
32. Resolved, to be strictly and firmly faithful to my trust, that that in Prov. 20:6, “A faithful man who can find?” may not be partly fulfilled in me.
33. Resolved, always to do what I can towards making, maintaining, establishing and preserving peace, when it can be without over-balancing detriment in other respects. Dec.26, 1722.
34. Resolved, in narration’s never to speak anything but the pure and simple verity.
35. Resolved, whenever I so much question whether I have done my duty, as that my quiet and calm is thereby disturbed, to set it down, and also how the question was resolved. Dec. 18, 1722.
36. Resolved, never to speak evil of any, except I have some particular good call for it. Dec. 19, 1722.
37. Resolved, to inquire every night, as I am going to bed, wherein I have been negligent, what sin I have committed, and wherein I have denied myself: also at the end of every week, month and year. Dec.22 and 26, 1722.
38. Resolved, never to speak anything that is ridiculous, sportive, or matter of laughter on the Lord’s day. Sabbath evening, Dec. 23, 1722.
39. Resolved, never to do anything that I so much question the lawfulness of, as that I intend, at the same time, to consider and examine afterwards, whether it be lawful or no; except I as much question the lawfulness of the omission.
40. Resolved, to inquire every night, before I go to bed, whether I have acted in the best way I possibly could, with respect to eating and drinking. Jan. 7, 1723.
41. Resolved, to ask myself at the end of every day, week, month and year, wherein I could possibly in any respect have done better. Jan. 11, 1723.
42. Resolved, frequently to renew the dedication of myself to God, which was made at my baptism; which I solemnly renewed, when I was received into the communion of the church; and which I have solemnly re-made this twelfth day of January, 1722-23.
43. Resolved, never henceforward, till I die, to act as if I were any way my own, but entirely and altogether God’s, agreeable to what is to be found in Saturday, January 12. Jan.12, 1723.
44- Resolved, that no other end but religion, shall have any influence at all on any of my actions; and that no action shall be, in the least circumstance, any otherwise than the religious end will carry it. Jan.12, 1723.
45. Resolved, never to allow any pleasure or grief, joy or sorrow, nor any affection at all, nor any degree of affection, nor any circumstance relating to it, but what helps religion. Jan.12 and 13.1723.
46. Resolved, never to allow the least measure of any fretting uneasiness at my father or mother. Resolved to suffer no effects of it, so much as in the least alteration of speech, or motion of my eve: and to be especially careful of it, with respect to any of our family.
47. Resolved, to endeavor to my utmost to deny whatever is not most agreeable to a good, and universally sweet and benevolent, quiet, peace able, contented, easy, compassionate, generous, humble, meek, modest, submissive, obliging, diligent and industrious, charitable, even, patient, moderate, forgiving, sincere temper; and to do at all times what such a temper would lead me to. Examine strictly every week, whether I have done so. Sabbath morning. May 5,1723.
48. Resolved, constantly, with the utmost niceness and diligence, and the strictest scrutiny, to be looking into the state of my soul, that I may know whether I have truly an interest in Christ or no; that when I come to die, I may not have any negligence respecting this to repent of. May 26, 1723.
49. Resolved, that this never shall be, if I can help it.
50. Resolved, I will act so as I think I shall judge would have been best, and most prudent, when I come into the future world. July 5, 1723.
51. Resolved, that I will act so, in every respect, as I think I shall wish I had done, if I should at last be damned. July 8, 1723.
52. I frequently hear persons in old age say how they would live, if they were to live their lives over again: Resolved, that I will live just so as I can think I shall wish I had done, supposing I live to old age. July 8, 1723.
53. Resolved, to improve every opportunity, when I am in the best and happiest frame of mind, to cast and venture my soul on the Lord Jesus Christ, to trust and confide in him, and consecrate myself wholly to him; that from this I may have assurance of my safety, knowing that I confide in my Redeemer. July 8, 1723.
54. Whenever I hear anything spoken in conversation of any person, if I think it would be praiseworthy in me, Resolved to endeavor to imitate it. July 8, 1723.
55. Resolved, to endeavor to my utmost to act as I can think I should do, if I had already seen the happiness of heaven, and hell torments. July 8, 1723.
56. Resolved, never to give over, nor in the least to slacken my fight with my corruptions, however unsuccessful I may be.
57. Resolved, when I fear misfortunes and adversities, to examine whether ~ have done my duty, and resolve to do it; and let it be just as providence orders it, I will as far as I can, be concerned about nothing but my duty and my sin. June 9, and July 13 1723.
58. Resolved, not only to refrain from an air of dislike, fretfulness, and anger in conversation, but to exhibit an air of love, cheerfulness and benignity. May27, and July 13, 1723.
59. Resolved, when I am most conscious of provocations to ill nature and anger, that I will strive most to feel and act good-naturedly; yea, at such times, to manifest good nature, though I think that in other respects it would be disadvantageous, and so as would be imprudent at other times. May 12, July ii, and July 13.
60. Resolved, whenever my feelings begin to appear in the least out of order, when I am conscious of the least uneasiness within, or the least irregularity without, I will then subject myself to the strictest examination. July 4, and 13, 1723.
61. Resolved, that I will not give way to that listlessness which I find unbends and relaxes my mind from being fully and fixedly set on religion, whatever excuse I may have for it-that what my listlessness inclines me to do, is best to be done, etc. May 21, and July 13, 1723.
62. Resolved, never to do anything but duty; and then according to Eph. 6:6-8, do it willingly and cheerfully as unto the Lord, and not to man; “knowing that whatever good thing any man doth, the same shall he receive of the Lord.” June 25 and July 13, 1723.
63. On the supposition, that there never was to be but one individual in the world, at any one time, who was properly a complete Christian, in all respects of a right stamp, having Christianity always shining in its true luster, and appearing excellent and lovely, from whatever part and under whatever character viewed: Resolved, to act just as I would do, if I strove with all my might to be that one, who should live in my time. Jan.14′ and July ’3′ 1723.
64. Resolved, when I find those “groanings which cannot be uttered” (Rom. 8:26), of which the Apostle speaks, and those “breakings of soul for the longing it hath,” of which the Psalmist speaks, Psalm 119:20, that I will promote them to the utmost of my power, and that I will not be wear’, of earnestly endeavoring to vent my desires, nor of the repetitions of such earnestness. July 23, and August 10, 1723.
65. Resolved, very much to exercise myself in this all my life long, viz. with the greatest openness I am capable of, to declare my ways to God, and lay open my soul to him: all my sins, temptations, difficulties, sorrows, fears, hopes, desires, and every thing, and every circumstance; according to Dr. Manton’s 27th Sermon on Psalm 119. July 26, and Aug.10 1723.
66. Resolved, that I will endeavor always to keep a benign aspect, and air of acting and speaking in all places, and in all companies, except it should so happen that duty requires otherwise.
67. Resolved, after afflictions, to inquire, what I am the better for them, what good I have got by them, and what I might have got by them.
68. Resolved, to confess frankly to myself all that which I find in myself, either infirmity or sin; and, if it be what concerns religion, also to confess the whole case to God, and implore needed help. July 23, and August 10, 1723.
69. Resolved, always to do that, which I shall wish I had done when I see others do it. Aug. 11, 1723.
70. Let there be something of benevolence, in all that I speak.
Aug. 17, 1723

NEW YEAR'S EVE

What a DAY!  Joe, Becca, Sam and Truman came over for the day. Our friend Kathi came over also, and then Joe and Becca's friends came over with Ella and Thomas.  We had fun babysitting while they all went out to dinner.    
Becca also did hair today. I love how she did the girls' hair.  Thanks Becca!

 When all the kids around are Aunts, this is the only hat available. :)

 THOMAS

 SAM AND ELLA IN THE WHEEL BARROW

 TRUMAN REACHING FOR THE ROCK TO PUT BACK IN HIS MOUTH.

YA YA AND SAM TRYING TO DO PIRATE FACES.  AYE!

TRUMAN IS ALMOST AS BIG AS ALLI!

And now, we get cleaned up and watch a movie. :)

A HUGE thank you To Anna for all the help with the babies. :)

The Hutch

We took down the Christmas things today and put them back in the attic. I am SO THANKFUL for all my girls who helped me get it all done in record time!  They went upstairs in the attic to "clean" and "play house", and I played house down stairs. :)

I gave this Hutch to my daughter Em's a few years ago, and now she no longer has room for it. So we brought it home. I sure did miss it!   So it is happily back in the dining room and the dishes are all nestled back where they belong. :) 

So nice to begin the New Year Cleaning Phase! :)

And of course, Erika has asked if she can inherit this.  

As This Year Comes To A Close....

I have so very much to be thankful for.  I am thankful for my hard working husband. I am thankful for all 8 of our children, 4 daughter's in law, 10 grand children (one in the oven still) and all of our friends and family who have loved on us and supported us this year.

I am thankful to the Lord for His Mercy and Grace in our lives. What an amazing ride we have been on this year.  We have had excitement and heartbreak, joy and sadness,  triumph and tragedy....  and HE has been with us through it all.

We dearly miss Grampa and Gramma and Uncle Jim.  Holidays are so different without them. :(  But we know that they would be very happy that we are carrying on our lives here as we should. 
We have met new friends and reunited with old ones.  

The joy and richness of life has been palpable.  I love it that there has been change in my heart for the better, and that Miss Alli was able to get deep into my hidden closet of hurts, draw them out and cause me to have to face them.  Thank you Alli! :)

I have much more to face about myself in the coming years, I am sure.

One of the highlights this week was talking to My Dabba; my other mom.  She is 91 and doing OH SO WELL! We are so far apart, but when we talk, it is if we were always talking all along.  She is so dear and special to me.  We easily express our love for each other.  I owe her so very much.

I am Thankful for our church body, where we have only been for 2 1/2 years.  It was a hard decision to change, but it was the right decision.  Our pastor, Justin Wheeler is a fantastic teacher and I have learned so much from him.

I am thankful for those of you in the adoption community that have encouraged us, written comments on the blog and called or written private letters.  THANK YOU SO VERY MUCH!

As we come upon  2012, we face the unknown, as does everybody!  2011 has not been an easy year, but it has been  a RICH year; not in money but in LOVE.

I honestly cannot believe it is almost 2012!  Miss Alli has been home almost 10 months!  She has a birthday coming up in February, on the same day as Mike. :) 

The Lord will give us the grace to go through whatever life throws at us this year.  I am thankful to be a small part of the Body of Christ. 

May the Lord Bless You and Keep You and give you a Peaceful, Happy and Prosperous New Year!

And Remember Love NEVER Fails! Never EVER, EVER, EVER, EVER give up! Never EVER, EVER, EVER! :)   Perfect LOVE Casts out all fear!  True Love is Unconditional, or it is not love, it is something else.  Life is pain.... anybody who says different is selling something! :)  KIDS CAN AND DO HEAL FROM TRAUMA! Don't forget to forgive, as you have been forgiven MUCH!
                                                                   Happy New Year! 
Love,
Christie M

Something I Adore

I ADORE that our boys love each other so much.  I ADORE that our girls love each other so much, and that our Daughter's In Law love each other so much.  These are the things that make a MaMa happy. :)

Our sons are all visiting together (minus Chuck in NM) and loving each other's company.  Chuck and Jodie would love to be here too.
It reminds me of them when the guys were young.  They were like a pack.  And that is what the girls are like too. A giant pack. :)
The sibling relationship is the longest lasting relationship you will ever have; even longer than the relationship with your parents. It is so important to foster those relationships in our children. 

Becca told me that as soon as Sam and Will saw each other, they were off and playing.  Cousins.... so precious.

This is all any mama would ever want for Christmas. :)

Sam and Truman

I got to babysit yesterday for a little while when Becca took the girls out to Starbucks, and to go roller skating. :)
Sam and Truman are so precious.  Sam is amazingly smart! He beat me at Blokus on his first try! Then he asked to play Solitaire on the computer, and he knows how! He is FOUR! LOL

 Somehow, this doesn't fit. LOL

 It is fun to get into EVERYTHING! LOL

 Sam and the famous "Dabba Dimple".....   (Dabba is my other mom. Several of the kids and grand kids have her dimple.)

 Playing Pinball.

 Playing solitaire.

New Year's Resolutions 2012

This year has been a whirlwind of activity.  I did really good on some of my new year's resolutions from last year.  I kept my promise that I will not use paper plates, and we haven't.  :)  I am still gluten free and have learned to cook even more gluten free recipes that are delicious and healthy.

I have had some big fat failures:  Working more in the business, writing and staying away from coke.

I see resolutions as a good thing. If you have nothing to strive towards, you won't strive. :)

So I'm starting my list. I hope to achieve all of it, with the help of the Lord.

My number one resolution after : To spend more time in bible study, reflection and prayer,
is to help out more with the business.
To get the taxes filed early.
To transfer all our mail from the P.O. box to the regular address.
To write and COMPLETE my writing project.
To spend LESS time on social media, and more time being productive.

To exercise at least 3 times a week.
To get at LEAST ONE LOAD OF LAUNDRY COMPLETED each and every day. (that includes folded and put away)  That means, no more rewashing the load I forgot to get out of the washer the night before.
To PLAN and STICK TO a SERIOUS budget. 
To write letters to prisoners.
To join in active ministry with orphans.
To start and continue an adoption support group.
To be a better teacher.
Learning more chords on the banjo.
that's the begining....


What are some of yours?

What Success Really Looks Like

This can apply to most anything: Careers, Marriages,Educational pursuits... but it really made me think about "Older Child Adoption" and what a comlexity it is to raise our children. :)  I often say, 3 steps forward 2 steps back.  This line is much more accurate. LOL

This is what it looks like to raise a child who is all over the place in emotional maturity, intellect, physical ability and sensory issues.  It is what it is like to try and understand what emotional level a child can be at, in any given moment. :)  It is what it is like to raise a child who has had trauma.
Complicated?  Oh Yea!  The neat thing though, is that we grow ourselves! We change ourselves, if we are brave enough to see that WE NEED TO CHANGE TOO!
There is HUGE blessing in  raising children, and HUGE blessing in raising children who have been thoroughly touched by trauma.  The big fat squiggly line part, is where many people feel they cannot go on, and disruption occurs.  Keeping one's eye on the end of that arrow, can help those struggling to see that it WILL get better.  Trauma blindsides us sometimes.  We think we are headed straight and then, we go through a roller coaster.  But coming out the other side of that is MORE HEALING, in depth healing that can only be had through the struggle. 
So look at the end of the arrow! It is still headed to  success!  Which means something different for each individual family.  But happy, healthy, thriving adults in the future, who are secure and compassionate, forgiving and forgiven, trusting, full of grace and mercy, and striving to reach a newer personal goal, is what I have in mind. :)
Wishing everybody a TRULY Happy and Healing New Year! :)

Guess Who's Going to the Dentist???

Yep.... It is Miss Anna's Turn! :)  So she is getting in some last minute sugar.

 And then, she'll make peace with her teeth. :)

We Had Eggs...

:)