Erika's Day

I'm telling you, I am SO PROUD of this little girl, who is now a teenager. :)  For my newer readers, Erika came to us 5 years ago from Ukraine.
After adopting Sarah, she talked alot about her best friend that she left behind in the orphanage, and how much she missed her.
We found out, from the same missionary who Erika was.
There were many things we didn't know, but our hearts KNEW Erika and Sarah belonged together.

Erika was born in the same region of Ukraine as Sarah.  She was in a left to lay room; a dying room, for her first 4 years of life. This meant she rocked back and forth, day in and day out and NEVER got out of her crib.
I still do not understand HOW, but she was transferred FROM the laying room, TO a special needs orphanage, at 4 years of age. God had His hand on her life, and one of the orphanage workers taught her to talk, walk, and eat.  She also had a series of surgeries that eventually led to the loss of her feet in the United States 5 months after she came home.

Erika is so amazing! She is smart and sweet and has an inner strength that causes me to want to do better.  We heard  that she had a condition called Arthrogryposis.  When we asked about it, the orphange director said, "Her Joint Don't Work"..... that was a bit of an understatement. LOL

When we finally got to Ukraine, and met her, we were so excited.  Her reply to meeting us: "Where have you been? I've been waiting 50 years!" LOL

She was so brave when we left.  This little girl who had never been out of a small crib, and then a tiny area of an orphanage, went on a train, a plane... she looked at the world around her with awe.  And she was determined to learn to walk all over again after her feet had to be amputated.

When the Dr. said that this would have to be done, she was rather matter of fact.... "Doctor going to cut my feet off like chicken!"  (thick Russian accent) He nearly fainted. :)

Erika is one of those kids, who, though she has been through more than you or I could imagine, seem to SHINE.

So here are a few pictures of her day:

 There's the famous chicken again, jealous of our pink egg. :)

 Love you, my girl!

THIRTEEN!!!!!

Here is the Happy yet SLEEPY face of our fifth teenager! :)  More to follow! :)  I cannot believe she is already 13.  And a lovely girl she is. :)
Happy Birthday Baby Girl! :) 

The End Of The Day.....

I think Everybody is all Partied out! LOL  Tomorrow! Erika turns 13. :)

What WAS Normal VS. What IS Normal and Language Comprehension

When parenting traumatized children, one thing goes out the window..... NORMAL....Whatever that is. :)
I posted yesterday about STAGES, and how our children can be 18 months old emotionally, physically 8, or 10, or older, have the street smarts of 21 and the understanding of 5.... and we have to know where they are and what age they are operating in, in order to parent them.  It is a HUGE requirement to be IN TUNE with your child in order to parent them according to where they are at any given moment.

Just as it would not be fair to expect a 2 year old to act 12. It isn't fair to expect a 12 year old with 2 year old emotions to act 12.  You MUST parent him at 2.

This sounds strange I KNOW.... It sounds like coddling, or giving in... but it VERY MUCH IS NOT! In fact, it is a requirement in order for your child to heal and move into wholeness.

It is a commonly known understanding that where ever trauma happened, many children will get STUCK at that point and be unable to move ahead, until they are parented at the age the trauma happened.
I remember very VIVIDLY, when I was in the 8th grade, a girl who was new to my school. She came at an odd time in the middle of the year, and was seated next to me.  She giggled uncontrollably, but I sensed she was more embarrassed.  She had no idea how to converse and was VERY awkward socially. She was a foster child.
In Art Class, we had to draw, and I remember her drawing. She drew about like a 3 year old.
I was no artist at all, but I remember her nervously trying to draw what the teacher asked, and it stuck with me.  This is the first time I have ever written about this.... BUT I have come to understand what may have been going on all those years ago in 8th grade and it hurts to think what happened to her.
Is she homeless? Did she make it?  She seemed so very damaged. :(  

A child who is in the midst of trauma, or has had severe trauma, has a very difficult time learning.  They may be smart.... but they cannot use the part of their brain they need to function educationally, because their emotions are over riding and dominating the thinking part of their brain.  I know this isn't very scientific, as I am not a scientist, but it is my observation and experience.

I would liken it to nearly getting into a fatal car accident and then trying to do algebra.  It AIN'T Gonna happen!  Try remembering your social security number and doctor's phone number when you are in a panic! There is a REASON they created 911.... people cannot think when they are in trauma.
Why do we expect our kids to?

Our children come to us with THEIR version of NORMAL, which is very much upheavel. They do not know what a loving family is. Many times they don't understand the concept of a family at all!  They are taking care of #1 and that is it!  They need no one, though they like the concept of a mama and daddy.... they don't understand the roles....
We PATIENTLY have to introduce them to the NEW NORMAL....
Sometimes, they will LONG for the old comfortable way things were.  It makes no sense to those who don't deal with trauma, but for a child who's brain has been trained to function in dysfunction, they can crave it, and will try to RECREATE it!
As a therapeutic parent....YOUR job is to REWIRE their little brain and write the NEW NORM on their heart.

I remember when Anna was little... we would get in the car and she would take the seat belt into her hands and yell, "WHY DON'T YOU JUST HIT ME!"  She needed the adrenalin rush that she was so used to.  Instead, I rocked her.  I sang to her and it made her MAD sometimes..... She was trying to fulfill all the familiar in a sort of odd way.  Familiar is comfortable....even if you don't like it!
That is what she was doing...Trying to make the familiar happen, because the NEW norm was very scary.
With Alli, we are having some of the same things happen.... She is working through stages of healing, but also sometimes tries to recreate chaos.  She doesn't know or understand why.   Poor baby.
It was her norm for so very long that she knew nothing else.

Today we had a great talk about words and how important they are.  She SO LACKS understanding in English.  She is SO SMART, and speaks English well.... She just doesn't understand it.
I know it sounds weird, but we went through the same thing with Sarah.

Speaking comes BEFORE comprehension.  Sarah spoke perfect Texan...but didn't know or understand MANY words. This made her original family think she was manipulative and rebellious and she wasn't.
In Alli's case I suspect the very same thing.... but she is older, and carries many burdens from her first families accusations.   She was declared RAD, ODD, and a number of other things....and it was assumed by some counselor that she knew exactly what she was doing because she spoke English so well.:( 
FRANKLY! There has GOT to be more professional training in this area!
If I went to Russia, and spoke Russian for 2 years, I SERIOUSLY DOUBT I could carry on a deep conversation with ANYBODY! Why do we expect this of our kids?  It is just like you hear people say, "Ah, kids are resiliant".....UGH..... KIDS HURT JUST LIKE ADULTS! They are people!

Alli and I talked today about working extra hard on vocabulary and understanding. Much of her frustrations come from not being able to say what is in her head.  The problem is SHE HAS NO LANGUAGE  IN WHICH  TO SPEAK her more complex thoughts.  FOLKS that can be frustrating!
I would equate it to the frustration of an altimer's patient who gets upset when they cannot communicate!
 She told me today that I was the first person who understood why she would get upset and say never mind.   That really makes me sad. :(
Alli is on her 3rd language, none of which have been mastered. :(
Yet to hear her speak, you wouldn't have a clue. 
I think I am going to get a fun vocabulary workbook for her and for Erika for the summer.  That way they can continue to work on English comprehension.

Alli had a really great day today and really got into celebrating Sarah's Birthday.... I was really proud of her!

I know this post was all over the place. :)  Sorry about that.

Sarah's Cake

Every year, the girls get to design their own cake. Sarah picks Chocolate Cake with Strawberries every year.... but she asked for an oblong cake this year. :)  She also requested that it be gluten free so I could have some too.  I have to say...... It was FABULOUS! 

This Old Quilt Update

I know Hope Anne is already gone back to Ukraine, but they are still in need of funds.  I'd like to extend the quilt auction to  June 20th.  So far, I haven't had any bids.
If you want to make a bid.... please read the Original Post and then email me.

Mystery Birthday

Sarah wanted a clue hunt that include mystery and intrigue!

So Anna wrote all the clues this year, which included a note handed to her at breakfast.

She had to find the stolen locket.... Who dunnit?  When she returned the Locket to its rightful

owner, she got her next clue as a reward..... All the girls were involved and it was a lot of fun!

 Sarah Loves Adventures in Oddyssey!

 This fingerprint was left in an envelope!

 Sarah fingerprinted everybody in the house. I can see why fingerprints are not that reliable....
I was innocent, but thought to be the guilty party!   It turned out to be Alli.... and there was a HUGE chase to catch her.  The necklace was returned to ERIKA, who had the next clue.

 This clue was SUPPOSED to be under the pickles, but it wasn't.  Apparently Anna didn't know the difference between pickles and sour kraut. LOL

 The search was on for the next clue.

 Ahhh! Found it!

 It led to a mysterious office!

 Even Daddy was involved!

 And the prize was opened. :)

 Everybody chipped in to buy a nice camera for Sarah.

And here they are~! 3 twelve year olds and 1 11 year old...... :)
Now it is time to design a cake.....

Moving Through Stages

I have to say, we still refer back to the Pride Classes we took before Anna came home all the time.
One of the things that stayed with us from the class, was how a child who suffers from Trauma, is not just a typical child who is 5, or 6 or 10.
Instead trauma may cause a child to stagnate emotionally.  So, they may be 9 in age, 18 months in emotional level, 5 in reasoning skills, and 25 in street smarts. :)
AND you, the parent, have to figure out which one they are at all times! :)  It is quite an operation to manage, but it IS manageable. AND, you must work to bring all the pieces together to make them whole.....

Alli has been making quite a bit of progress in the last few months.  We are so proud of her!
One thing we have noticed is that when she came home, our 11 year old,  was about  3 emotionally.
Her reasoning when she was upset was about the same.   There are times when she is very much 8... and soemtimes 5 and rarely,  11 pops up. :)
What I remember about the boys growing up, is when they were around 4 and 5, they asked LOADS of questions..... and I mean ALL DAY!  They were discovering their world and finding out all the information they could!  Mommies are great resources! LOL

Something both Mike and I have noticed in the last 2 weeks is that Alli has moved from 3 to about 5.  She is HEALING. :)
Part of this is asking questions. :)  I LOVE hearing her questions.  When we first would get into the car to go somewhere, she wouldn't say anything. She would just go.  Sometimes she would point and say, "Look!"  and that was about it.....
Something clicked in her, and now, she talks and talks and TALKS! I LOVE IT!
She asks about the lights, about the stores, about the smell of gas, about what is dripping under cars....."Is it gas?" No, it is water....'Why is it dripping?"  And I explain all about air conditioning... and she absorbs it all with a smile and a hug. :)

Alli is learning about her world.... she missed so much! Now, she is opening up to learn. There are lots of "why questions"..... I answer one, and she says, "why"...I answer that and she says, "why"......oh it thrills me!   I am so happy for her!
She is even noticing her surroundings when we drive. "I know we are almost home because I have seen that place before!"

Today, we made some great strides..... She woke up this a.m., picking up where she left off the day before, but I was prepared.... and not distracted.   I rocked her this a.m. and we had a really good talk.
She LOVES being rocked.
One of the things we talked about was how hard it was that she had to move from family, to family to family, to family......  We sort of recapped what had transpired the day before, and I asked her point blank, if she was worried she was going to have to go to another family. She grabbed onto me, and cried, saying yes.
I told her once again.... "You aren't going anywhere! You are a Minich!"  She needs to hear it again, and again and again! And then Again!  We prayed together and hugged..... I could feel her body relax.... and we talked a little about how when you are so afraid that your family will get rid of you, it makes it very hard to love, because you are so worried about being hurt again. I said to her, "Sweetie, let your love flow.... don't fear being sent anywhere.... ALLOW yourself to feel, and to love and to care.....don't be afraid..... She wept.    And then, she clung, and then she smiled, and then, I could feel that tension release..... and she was Alli.... raw, pure, delightful, Alli.

  After our talk, Anna and I went to get ERIKA's birthday gift, as her birthday is the day after Sarahs.  :)  Anna and I also snuck in a special alone time together. :)    Alli, Sarah and Erika stayed home.  Daddy was working in the shoppe, and not one time did they need to go and get him.  Everything went great.   We even did some more school, and this evening......We went swimming at the Lake. :)

Alli was so proud that we were going to the Lake. She and Sarah made Sand Castles and had a blast swimming.
Ahhh, what a great day.... A LONG day, but a great one! :)

Sarah is Turning 12!

These girls! They are just growing up so fast!  It seems like yesterday she was a  precocious little 5 year old!
For those of you who do not know our Sarah.  She is a delight!  I know the Lord must have really wanted to bless us when He sent Sarah to us through Adoption Disruption.....  I had never heard of adoption disruption until Sarah came into our lives.   She is originally from the Kharkiv region in Ukraine. Her beginnings are about as bad as they can get.
But we serve and AWESOME GOD....HE had plans for our sweetheart and HE had plans for us. :)
I would have never dreamed we would have a child from another country. Ukraine was not really on my radar screen.... But GOD..... He intervened in our lives.  Here are a few pictures of our little girl before we met her.... :)

Wasn't she just adorable!!!!!
Sarah's beginnings are rather unknown until she was found in a TB sanitarium.  The missionary who found her said she was sitting in her crib with a look of extreme consternation and would not interact.  He told us the doctor said to forget about her......
BUT GOD....

Sarah made it to an orphanage at the age of 4 years and one month.  On her 5th birthday, she became a U.S. Citizen, having been adopted by another family.
And then, things didn't go very well.  In fact, they went terrible. REALLY terrible. :(
It breaks my heart to think about it.
Sarah lived in her first home for 10 1/2 months.
The family had been looking to disrupt for some time, and then we were contacted.
GOD INTERVENED in our lives......

Mike and I had just finished having one of those famous financial conversations.... the kind that say we need to cut back... we need to save more....
BUT GOD
Literally 15 minutes after the conversation the email arrived. LOL
I didn't think my husband would give it a second thought..... but I was WRONG.....

5 days later... Anna had the sister she had been praying for so very long!
2 days later, Anna got a bloody nose from her new sister. LOL
(It was a blanket issue) :)
I will never forget that little incident. :)  "She took the blanket!"

The boys got us prepared for Anna, and Anna prepared us for Sarah. :)

Sarah was with us for 6 weeks when her birthday came.  She got a call.... it was from her other family.
The only thing each of them said was, "How's your leg? How's your hand?  I could see her frustration.
(Sarah is missing a leg and fingers)  By the time the last person got on the phone, she exasperatedly said, "My leg and hands are fine!"
When they hung the phone up, she burst into tears and wet herself, shaking all over.  Poor baby.
I scooped up our broken daughter and rocked her to sleep.

Over the years ( this is our 6th year) Sarah has been our delight.  She LOVES life. LOVES to Dance, LOVES To smile.....she is so fully of Life....
Tears of gratefulness well up in my eyes as I think about my sweet heart of a daughter.  She is one of the most amazing people I have ever met.

Some funnies from the past:
When Sarah was 6, we were in the grocery store and she proudly said, "Mommy! You make me SICK!"  The look on my face made her coutenance fall.  I asked, "What did you say?" She said, "I don't think you would want me to repeat it!" LOL
She was trying out language and learning to comprehend.
Another time she asked, "what's justaminute"?  I explained it means, "In just one minute"
A few minutes later I called her and she said, "justaminute"! :)

When Erika came home from Ukraine (Sarah's best friend at the orphanage)  she was almost 8. We had been home just a few weeks and I needed to go to the grocery store.  Daddy was home, but on the front porch. The girls were playing, apparently blowing bubbles in the bathroom mirror....
Erika slipped on the bubbles. I heard her slip and fall, as I was bringing in groceries.  And then there was silence.
Daddy came running, I went running and we could barely get the bathroom door open.  There was Erika laying on the floor, quietly crying and Sarah blowing bubbles in the mirror and looking in the mirror as if nothing had happened.
I said, "Sarah, did you know Erika fell down?"  She said, yes.... still blowing bubbles.
I said, "Why didn't you tell us?"
She said, "She's too big to move.....!"  LOL

We had to teach Sarah empathy and what do if somebody was hurt.  She didn't know. We did lots of role play..... She is now one of the most caring and compassionate little girls. :)

Because of Sarah, we found out about Erika.....another intervention!
I cannot believe our little girl is going to be 12.  Amazing!

Happy Birthday Baby Girl! 
Tomorrow is a "Mystery Birthday".... several hours of mystery fun, written by Anna. :)

It was a LONG Day!

Oh My, what a day!  It started out with having to go to a funeral home to get a paper that we could READ, so we could sign it, for our late friend Phil Stuart.  He died last month and has been at a funeral home awaiting cremation.
Apparently he purchased an insurance policy with our name on it as the recipient.  It has been a legal hassle trying to make sure we are not liable for expenses we cannot take on.  It was worth the hour drive to get it over with and clarify everything..... everything this funeral home faxed us was totally unreadable, but they wanted us to sign it! NO WAY!  They got snotty and we talked to an attorney.
In the end.... Mr. Stuart will be cremated.... a sad end, to a sad life.

After that, we headed to Scottish Rite Hospital so we could get Erika a new sock holder. She broke hers and I couldn't find how to order one.....they were on our way.... so we stopped there.  I let the girls play in the park for awhile and they had some fun!

 After the park, we headed to the furniture store to pick up our bunk bed.  Yep, we got it today!
And then it was time to head home.
Alli started asking about lunch, which was running late since we were on the road and had another 45 minutes before we got home.
She started to whine, and then get mad because we wouldn't stop for fast food.  Everybody was willing to wait so we could make ham sandwiches, except Alli. :(

I should have been more on top of things... but I still had much to do...finishing up Sarah's post placement report for Ukraine, and then starting on the home refinance paperwork. 
Have I ever mentioned how much I HATE paperwork!!!!!!
Somehow, I HAVE to get over this.
Anyway,  one of the girls said, "I'm so hungry I could eat Garbage!"  To which Miss Alli said, "There's nothing wrong with eating garbage! We used to do it all the time in Russia.  People throw away perfectly good food!  Then it dawned on me, she was so upset because she really was hungry and that fear of not having food came back to her.....
I told her we were just a few minutes away.  Honestly, had we been more than 5 minutes away  I would have pulled over and bought her something.  I used to have to do that with Sarah if I forgot to pack a snack in my purse.  She would just panic when she got hungry.

Alli is in that place right now.  She eats enough for 3 little girls and I am glad she does!  I'll have to remember though to make sure and have a snack in my purse for times like these. :)

Today did have a rough edge to it.  Alli does much better on a more structured schedule.  When things are unplanned and off schedule, she reacts.  Today was a big reactive day.
I think I put out more little fires!
The result:
While we purchased the bunk beds, they are not yet put together.
While we planned to go to the lake and library, we could not go. They will have to wait until tomorrow when we are more regulated.
Erika, Anna and Sarah were all very understanding... and looking forward to tomorrow.

As I was talking to her, another thing came to mind:

This is Alli's anniversary for coming to the United States.  She has been here 2 years now.  Those internal clocks really know how to wreak havoc on a child.  I decided to explain it to her and she listened.  She had memories coming out from all over the place. It was like a geyser letting off steam.
She was going over all the families she was in.... and then asked, "How do I know THIS is the right family? She was very concerned..... It hurts my heart so, to see her struggle... and I know that she has EVERY reason to wonder....because NOTHING has lasted in her life, especially these last 2 years.

And then she was calm.....

1 hour later:

Right now, she is letting off steam once again as I type, because I explained to her why we could not go to the lake.
Poor little girl.  I feel so sad for her. She has had so much upheavel in her life.

30 minutes later:
I went into Alli's room and asked if I could talk to her.  She was so ashamed of herself. :(  I told her how much I love her, and we just need to take a deep breath and start over.  I told her I was sad that we could not go to the lake, because my white chicken legs really do need to get a tan! She started laughing..... and then I talked her about how hard changes are and how scary they are.  But we are committed to see her succeed!
We had a great evening after the daily grind, even though we didn't go to the lake.... And Alli said she really wanted to try to not argue or talk back.

So we came up with a plan..... When she gets argumentative (which she REALLY doesn't notice unless it is pointed out, as it has been a life long habit, we will use the code word  "bananas".
If I say "Bananas Alli" she'll know it is time to "zip it"! (her words) :) And it will be just between her and me, so she doesn't get embarrassed.  She seems thrilled with the idea..... We'll see how it works! :)

2 hours later:

Well, we almost got the bunk bed put together.... the bottom is done, but the top has 1 leg that is a bottom leg.   So we had to stop for the night.  We'll decide tomorrow if Mike will drill some extra holes in the leg to make it right, or if we take it back to down town Dallas...... ( I hope he is in a hole drilling mood) :)

I know we are going to have many of these times where we move forward and backwards.... but both of us have seen that she has moved WAY forward!
Before she went to bed a few minutes ago she snuggled up and said "I love you!"
I said, "I love you too!" now repeat after me:  "I am in the RIGHT FAMILY! I KNOW I'm in the right Family!"  She did, with a big smile and skipped off to bed. :)


Such was our up and down day.  Everybody is in a good place right now, happily chatting and going off to bed.
I think I need a bath..... CALGON???? :)

30 seconds later: Daddy came in and said, "I'm going to drill the holes!"  And now the beds are put together and everybody is really excited. Too excited to go to sleep.

 Alli has rquested that Sarah share her bed tonight because she is afraid sleeping up there so high. LOL

Calgon will have to wait until tomorrow. :)
Sarah is on my bed waiting for me to come in and have a talk.   She is going through such a cute stage.
Mike has asked me to make him a pot of coffee, he still has work to do.  Love my selfless man.

I am off to talk to my girl.

This Puts New Meaning To:

TOE JAM! LOL

Erika had biscuits with Jam for breakfast this a.m.  Apparently not all of it made it into her mouth. :)

Post Placement Done!

Our 3 month report is done, and now we can move for finalization!  Can't wait until our sweetie has a court date! 
We had a really great day today... and Mommy got a LONG nap! WOW! I needed that nap after being up so late last night.
The girls played in their room and made tents and pretended it was snowing outside. LOL  It must be hot if they are pretending snow. :)
They are going to sleep in the tents tonight. 

 MAYBE!
Tomorrow, we are going to look for a new bunk bed.  It should be fun, and hopefully successful!

Kathi The Friend/Social Worker

We had been very concerned about Alli's fear of social workers, so we worked out with our social worker, she would come over as a friend, and through observation and conversation, while the kids were in the other room or busy, talk about how things are going.

Our first visit went great and Alli had no idea she was a social worker.  I knew we would need to tell her eventually, as we are joined together for post placement reports for the next few years. :)
But, I didn't think Alli was ready.  WRONG!

Right before Kathi came, I was in a hurry getting things ready.  I blurted out, "Let's hurry up and finish before our social worker gets here!" 

Alli, looked at me and said, "Social worker?" 

I said, "Yes, you know Kathi.... She is our social worker and our friend! Isn't that cool!"

She nodded, and that was it! LOL

We had a really great visit.  Alli and Sarah did a beautiful ballet/modern dance for her and she brought them a few Feature Family Films dvds.... so they went off to watch "The Velvetine Rabbit" and we talked and talked and talked ....... all about all sorts of interesting things....

The girls went on for showers and baths and they somehow managed to get ERIKA into the Large 2 seater tub..... (I'm afraid to know how) LOL  It was 9:30 and I still heard giggles.  I went in and they were still in the bath...so I told them it was time for bed.
After that, there were  a few stragglers coming in for hugs and a last minute snack ..... and then it was quiet....
Except for Kathi and me. :)  Mike went back out to work on a project and the next thing we knew it was about 11:30! 
So, our post placement report is being done today..... and then we will get our finalization date. :)

BCLC.... Time to Share Again

Today is the day of our home study update.  In 2 hours our social worker will be here.  About 2 hours ago,  the girls were going to watch a movie. (trying to keep the house clean) :) 

Alli really does do best when everything is the same, on a schedule and she can count on what is happening.  She knows our friend is coming and that she is special. She does not know that she is our social worker, because she is afraid of social workers....
So, back to the movie:
Erika sits in one part of the couch where she is comfy and Alli likes the other end.  BUT... Miss Alli also likes to sit forward and it seems to block Erika's view. Soooo, Erika asked her to move back so she could see too....to which Alli refused. Flat out said No.  She told Erika, " I always have to move, it is YOUR turn to move!" 
Erika can't move easily... and she cannot sit on a floor at all..... I don't think Alli fully understood how much Erika cannot bend.  So instead of being kind, she wanted to help Erika to the floor so she could see better! The other girls said NO, don't do that, but she  managed to help Erika to the floor....but Erika didn't WANT to sit on the floor.  Alli was trying to show her ways she could. LOL  Erika was not amused.

Where was I?  I literally had walked out the back door to talk with somebody and was gone less than 5 minutes.....  UGH

So Alli came out to me and sat on my lap. I could tell she was upset... she was doing her breathing.
So, we went into the house together, turned off the movie and I asked Anna to give her best version of what happened.  Everybody, including Alli agreed that that was what happened.

So, I asked Erika if she was fine. She was.  I took Alli outside onto the porch swing and we had a  talk.
 Alli felt that everybody had ganged up on her... 
I told her, they all expressed their disapproval for what you were doing, and now I will have to do the same thing.  It was not right what you did.  We should NEVER EVER touch another person and make them move when they don't want to move.  That was wrong!
I think she finally understood what I was telling her when I gave her this example:
  I asked her to close her eyes and pretend she was in a wheel chair and couldn't walk.  And then I asked her to imagine somebody coming up to her and demanding that she stand up!  And then they insisted again that you stand up... and you said you couldn't.  And then they physically tried to take you out of your wheel chair!
"How would that make you feel?" 
Yet she was still mad that they were inside finishing a movie and she was outside talking to me.

I told her that had she tried to understand  while we were talking inside, we wouldn't be out here....but it wouldn't be fair for them to have to wait.
She listened intently..... and then snuggled up.... after about 20 minutes, she was calm and looked up and said, "I'm really sorry mommy..... "  I told her she also needed to apologize to her sister.

We rocked a few minutes longer and then she went inside and  very sincerely asked Erika to forgive her....
Erika did, and all was well again. :)

So next for me?  I think I need to rearrange the furniture. :)

An Article on Discipline ?

I read a link that a friend posted on a website.... The link was an article supposedly on Discipline.  But it wasn't really on discipline. It was on punishment.  I saw this photo, and it sent chills through my body.  I read "willful definance and disobedience" and the first person to come to mind was the author of "Dare to Discipline" and  "The Strong Willed Child" and then the revamped versions of both of those books.
The caption under the paddle was "discipline when necessary"...... UM  isn't discipline, true discipline something we do ALL the time????  So OBVIOUSLY this wouldn't mean "punish all the time"!

It GREATLY disturbs me when people use the word discipline to be equal to punish.  They are INDEED not the same thing.

So, in conversation with a friend who recommended this article another article was posted to back up the position of spanking.....
 and here is a quote from this site:
God tells us that for willful disobedience and defiance, that corporal discipline is an appropriate form of discipline. He also says that parents who refuse to ever use this form of discipline "hate" their children. 


Not only is this NOT in scripture, it is an outright LIE.    The bible does not say he who refuses to use THIS form of discipline hates his son.  It says HE who REFUSES to discipline his son, hates his son. 

There is a HUGE difference!  I would say if you refuse to discipline your child, it is as if you hate them, because it is going to be destructive for them.  But if you guide and teach them....(discipline them) then you LOVE your son.


Of course these authors tell people that if they do not punish their children with corporal punishment, they are disobeying God, they are sending their children to hell, they are not teaching their children repentence etc. because they need a justification for what they do.
I found this in the old testament:  
Deut 8:
 ¹ “All the commandments that I am commanding you today you shall be careful to do, that you ^(A)may live and multiply, and go in and possess the land which the LORD swore to give to your forefathers. ^{2 (B)}You shall remember all the way which the LORD your God has ^(C)led you in the wilderness these forty years, that He might humble you, ^(D)testing you, to know what was in your heart, whether you would keep His commandments or not. ³ He humbled you and let you be hungry, and fed you with manna which you did not know, nor did your fathers know, that He might make you ^[a]understand that ^(E)man does not live by bread alone, but man lives by everything that proceeds out of the mouth of the LORD. ^{4 (F)}Your clothing did not wear out on you, nor did your foot swell these forty years. ^{5 (G)}Thus you are to know in your heart that the LORD your God was disciplining you just as a man disciplines his son.

This sounds like TEACHING to me!  God gave the Israelites experiences and was WITH THEM to guide them and TEACH them, which IS discipline, so they could then posess the land.


In Deut 6:
These commandments that I give you today are to be on your hearts. ⁷ Impress them on your children. Talk about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up. ⁸ Tie them as symbols on your hands and bind them on your foreheads. ⁹ Write them on the door frames of your houses and on your gates. 

God did NOT say "BEAT THEM INTO YOUR CHILDREN".....
He did not even say FORCE them onto your children. He said "Impress them" this means to TEACH THEM  and to GUIDE them.....and make a lasting impression on them.... so they KNOW that this is the right way to live.


 <sup>I do believe we should  teach our children the Law.... in song, in action, and make it a part of their instruction..... 
One of the songs we use is really fun....


The Perfect 10

#1 we've just begun God should be first in your life
#2 The idol rule, those gaven images aren't nice
#3 God's name should be, NEVER spoken in jest
#4 The sabbaths for your worship and for rest.
#5 We always strive to honor father and mother
#6 don't get your kicks from killing one another
#7 Life is Heaven when you're true to your mate
#8 Don't Steal and break this rule for goodness sake!
#9 Don't be the kind who goes around telling lies
#10 Don't covet when you see your neighbor's house, or bike
That's the list and God insists we stay away from these sins
That is why we memorize commandments one through ten.

(couldn't find Anna for this video) :)</sup>

<sup>We have used this song many times to instruct the children to righteousness and repentance.  And to help them see that they TRULY need a savior.  Because we cannot do this on our own merit...


If a person chooses to use spanking as a punishment tool, then that is not my business.  It is still legal in the United States to use this method.... 
But if somebody is to say, You MUST do this... YOU MUST do it THIS WAY or you are not obeying GOD, THAT IS my business!And I will say something... or blog something. :) Because I remember long ago being in that bondage.... being taught that was the ONLY way..... That is how I came to study it so much, because I didn't understand how that was true. And I found out, it wasn't..... God wants us to be BEREANS of the word and to study.  We really need to be careful that we don't just take what somebody says, INCLUDING ME, without really examining it and holding it up to the Word of God.


It really does amaze me how many people get up in arms about simple love.  How can LOVE win a heart?  How can LOVE change a child from angry to happy?  How can LOVE be the key?
GOD is the one who created LOVE.  It is disturbing how we fight it so. :(

We want to PUNISH instead of disciple, to HUMILIATE instead of teaching one to be humble,  to strike fear, when the scripture says, "Perfect Love Casts Out Fear",  to DEMAND when scripture calls us to be servants.  
SO, if JESUS PAID IT ALL, as the song we sing says, why do we make our children pay too?  Why would we teach them that because they disobeyed, they have to pay with a spanking?
How about presenting the gospel..... and teaching them the truths of scripture?  And lovingly leading them in prayer and  instruction?</sup>  






 

Your Blog Rocks Competition

Hevel asked me to make a link so others could join in. He wants to have  a fun blog competition. If you have a blog and want to participate, go here. You can pick 3 categories to connect your blog to. :)
Sounds fun. :)