What I Learned From Joseph

This is Joseph at 15 months.


At our home talking to a family friend.


Getting to know little Sister Sarah

Playing Spades with the brothers

I wish I knew how to scan. That is something I plan to learn in the new year, along with learning how to make links, AND finish my taxes on time. (I don't wish to talk about that) :)

Joseph is our 3rd son. He was born prematurely, at around 30 weeks. He screamed so loud in the delivery room, they figured I had my dates wrong, as that scream said he was fine. However, about an hour after he was born he started "grunting", and had difficulty breathing. This placed him in the special nursery with oxygen and IV's, and our previous experience was visiting us again. (3 of our boys were preemie, all 30 week babies)

I remember when he was just 2 days old, I went to the nursery to visit with him, and I walked in just in time for a nurse to say, "I wish that kid's mother would get in here so he would shut up!" Nice nurse, I know.... BUT.... what was a 2 day old doing to annoy her?

He was TRYING his hardest to cry, but he was too weak, so he let out a grunt every breath. uh,uh, uh, uh, uh,uh,uh,uh,uh.... and he didn't sleep. NOT one WINK!

When I would come in, and hold him and talk to him, he would stop the grunting, and rest. If I left, he would go back to the uh, uh, uh, uh, uh,

This went on for a few weeks, the latter part of that time, he was used to me not being there the entire time AND he had learned to SCREAM!
I had a 3 year old and a 1 year old at home, and I am so glad he only had to stay in the hospital for a few weeks.

There was something different about Joseph. He was a grouchy baby. He loved being held, but it took a lot of coaxing to get him to smile. He also didn't sleep. Not like the other 2. He was awake ALOT.....
When I took him to the Dr., the Dr. said, "you are just tired. After all you have 3 children 3 and under and one has cerebral palsy and isn't walking...etc.
That one was also having some rare seizures that couldn't be explained and there was a lot going on with him. (timothy)

So, I went back home and accepted that I was tired. Even though I knew that wasn't the case.

As time went on, I studied this little guy. He was anxious. He was very, VERY aware of his surroundings. He would accomplish things like sitting up in a grouchy manner and then be happy when he succeeded, only to get mad when it was time for the next milestone. I noticed he was exceptionally smart. (all mom's say that, but he REALLY was)
As time went on and he could do more, he was a happier baby. He kept himself busy and BUSY he was. He was also very determined and strong willed. He was also very insecure and tender hearted. He would lash out, and throw fits, but be terribly hurt if I was upset with him. Baby number 4 had arrived 10 weeks early, and now we had 4 children under 5; all wonderful little boys.

It took me a long time to figure Joseph out. When Marcus came home, Joseph's reaction was to bite his brother older brother. Every morning, EVERY MORNING when I bathed the baby, Joseph put trucks in the baby's crib and then tipped the crib over on its side.
He knew I was busy, and wouldn't catch him in the act, and he was only 15 months old!
But somewhere around 3, I realized that I had to parent him VERY differently. The standard stuff just wasn't going to work with this child. He needed me to be 10 steps ahead, in control, kind, resourceful and prepared. He needed me to outsmart him AND be tender with him. It was a difficult task. Even though I knew he was quite smart, he talked later than his brothers, he walked later, he wasn't potty trained and he still had a terrible temper.

I remember thinking one day, "This child is either going to be the Apostle Paul, or he is going to wind up in Prison." I kid you not.

I pledged to do everything as a mom to the Lord to help him succeed.
Really, to help them ALL succeed, but after he kicked my mom in the shin, I was on my knees about THIS ONE. LOL

As I began to pray, the Lord showed me that there were many things I was doing wrong.
I wasn't being tender enough. I was "man handling" him in a more controlling way. He couldn't handle that. I was also reading books that were not helpful. I remember reading the "Strong Willed Child", and after reading that I thought, are you serious?
He is WAY beyond that! If I followed those instructions, it would do NOTHING but serve to make him angrier and we would accomplish nothing but a battle.

I had plenty of advice. I can still hear the words, "If you don't get ahold of that boy....." "You need to Spank him, NOW!" "He is a brat!" "He is out of control!" "I wonder where he gets THAT behavior from?" (uh gee, I dunno, I must be teaching it to him at home?) "He's not potty trained YET?" "Well I know what I would do!" etc.

Needless to say, I heard many words of advice, invited and uninvited. My mother in law had the best words. She loved him unconditionally. One day as we were talking, she said, "I think he is afraid".... I pondered that for a while.

SHE was RIGHT... He was afraid of the toilet for sure, which kept him from being able to potty in it. He was afraid of being alone. He was afraid of being left. He was afraid to try new things......

When I thought about how I would parent a brash, boorish, rough, tenderhearted little boy who was AFRAID; I began to get somewhere with him. His behavior turned around so fast I was shocked.

As I looked back on his first few years, they were hard. My marriage had fallen apart and there was reason to have fear in our home.( I could write a book on this one, but I won't) He was born and mama could not be there. (I believe this is where it started: Read the Primal Wound by Nancy Verrier)
I know he "felt" unstablity in our home, and I felt it was my fault.

As circumstances changed for the better, this little guy emerged like the most wonderful blessing in my life.

He taught me SOOOO much about life, and about myself and about the Grace of Our Lord.
I learned that as parents, many times we want "law" for our children, but "grace" for ourselves. When we show "grace" to our children, as the Lord shows grace to us, it speaks volumes to them. When we love them as Christ loves us, it speaks volumes.

Now, I am not a perfect mom and never have been. Sometimes it is uncomfortable to type these things because I'm typing about my own family.... but if it can help one person to possibly see something they recognize, that is whey I do it.

BTW- Joe didn't go to prison. He is in Seminary now. He is married with a son. He is still very smart, and he is FUNNY and WHITTY and talented and I just love him.
I am so proud of him. And now, it is his turn. :)

Funny For The Day

The girlies are diagramming sentences.

The sentence was: Gorillas and Chimpanzees are apes.

She got it wrong, having "girlies as the subject", so I re read the sentence to her.

Her reply:

"Oh, I thought it said, "Girlies ARE chimpanzees and apes." LOL

When Adoption Goes Wrong 20/20 Show

Mike, Uncle Bob and I sat down last week and watched the 20/20 show about difficult adoptions. There was a family featured who had adopted 2 girls 11 and 8 from Russia.
They provided every material benefit for their new children. That is, everything except for what they really needed.
The show never says if the mother was working full time or part time outside of the home, or if she was home full time. It doesn't speak about how much time Dad was home or if he traveled alot.
Those are important lost facts.

What the show DID document was two people who had everything they wanted except children. So they went and bought some. Those are HIS words, not mine. He didn't feel he got his money's worth.

After less than 1 week, 1 WEEK! he was following an OBVIOUSLY GRIEVING child around the house with a camera. How RUDE is that? He was saying things like, can you believe this? etc.
Uh, yes sir I can.
You just turned this little girl's world upside down and overwhelmed her with your stuff. You pushed AMERICA on her until she thought she would vomit. Congrats.

When she was under the bed weeping, why oh WHY didn't mom or dad kneel down and stroke her gently and tell her it was ok? Why didn't they lay next to her quietly and weep with her and mourn her loss with her? NO, instead, he pulled her from her safe place and subjected her to the "Video camera".

Several years ago when Sarah first came she had tantrums. She didn't know anything else. She had no coping tools in her toolbox. I got out a video camera and kept it hidden. I did not video tape her to tape her screaming, I got it out to tape ME, so I could see what I was doing that might be prolonging her tantrum. What I found was that she did not want to be alone. She was scared. She needed me to not hover over her, even calmly and ask her to stop crying. She needed me to quietly hug her and rock her. Once we did that, the tantrums stopped. Of course before I could do that, during her happy times I had to rock her too. She needed it. We got out lotion and I would massage her foot, her stump, kiss it, kiss her good hand and her hand with missing fingers and count them. Then I would kiss them and she would count my fingers and kiss them. She knew very well that her deformity did not bother me in the least and she could be totally open with me. Because of the good connection, when she melted down, there was a connection tool to calm her. It worked so well the first time that we did it, she didn't have another tantrum.

We did something very similar with Anna who was good for a nuclear meltdown every day for a while. Then it went to about 2x's a week and eventually disappeared altogether.

The first few weeks our Erika was home were amazing. This beautiful, smart, almost 8 year old who could not speak english, was able to turn on every appliance in the house, open the fridge, and get into EVERYTHING... she pretended to not be able to do things we knew she could do, and told our friend who speaks Russian we were treating her like a Pet Dog, making her stay in the house while her sisters go out to play. LOL

(she was mad because she had to finish her math)

The truth is: I was HAPPY to see that fighting mad spirit in her; in ALL of them. WHY? Because it showed me they had a will to live, a sense of self and a sense of injustice. It may have been warped, but it was there, Praise GOD it was there!

Our job was to love them through it. It wasn't personal, it was survival. It wasn't personal, it was fear. It wasn't personal it was being a KID, a very HURT kid, who VERY much needed to be loved.

I often hear people say that 'Love is not enough". Love IS not enough; but not enough LOVE is not enough either! LOVE and PARENTING as unto the Lord, IS enough though. It DOES pay off.

We adopted from Disruption. One of the things that was mentioned when we got Sarah was that she was not the personality type child they expected. They wanted a greatful, quiet child and they got a hyper child.

One thing I would like to say is : IF YOU ARE A POTENTIAL ADOPTIVE PARENT:

WARNING: COUNT ON THE FACT THAT YOUR CHILD, NO MATTER WHAT AGE, has been NEGLECTED, ABUSED, REJECTED and HURT no matter HOW wonderful you think their orphanage was.


BUT THE GOOD NEWS IS: God is GREATER than ALL of THAT! It doesn't have to be the end of the story.
It isn't for our girls and they have horrific beginnings;each and every one of them.

When your child comes home and lashes out, PLEASE don't take it personally. Look at their strengths and likes and desires and USE THEM to work with. Don't try to make a child different than who they are. If they are hyper, give them stuff to do. If they are quiet, let them read. LOVE THEM FOR WHO THEY ARE RIGHT THEN AND THERE! IN the moment and never EVER withhold your love.
If they act like a baby, baby them. If they want to pretend to be your baby, let them.
We fed EACH of our girlies bottles and wrapped them in blankets and rocked them like babies for months. It was not FORCED upon them, (this is VERY important) they initiated it, and we followed based upon each child's need.

ALSO: Plan on things getting broken, messed up, and your house getting messy. Plan on them not understanding hygeine. This is something they will need to learn. It isn't their fault and they should not be shamed.

PLAN ON THEM HATING AMERICAN FOOD, so get used to making borscht, cabbage, meat, oatmeal, etc. Give them comfort foods.
I always look at things as if I were them. If I were a little girl and was adopted by a family from China, what would I do if they tried to force me to eat steaming hot rice and raw fish? I would probably throw up. Then, what if they thought I was being manipulative because I threw up and tried to force me to eat. Then I would sit there and they would say I was being defiant. Then they would try to punish me and I would cry and they would say I was having a melt down. Then I would not want to be around them for fear they would make me eat that awful stuff. They would take me to a counselor who would then say I had RAD.
The counselor would recommend they hold me even if I didn't want to be held. They would expect me to love these strangers and if I didn't, they would say I needed attachment therapy.... and a new cycle of "facing my problems" would start.
It would be all my fault and I would start to question my sanity. After all, now they say I have PTSD and other things and now I need medication. Then I start having side effects from those meds, so they give me another one, and now I have RAD, ADHD, PTSD, ODD, etc. etc. etc. etc. etc. etc. and the cycle goes on...... (I'm sure you get the picture)

This scenario is not far from what plays out in homes.

Counselors can be good and give good information, but they can also be terribly damaging. Some are NUTS folks. I mean that. NUTS! If we had followed what some folks have been told to do, I don't think we'd have the kids we have now.

You know, it is a "fad" to get counseling to "face your problems", to "deal with those deep down feelings".... what ever happened to letting the CHILD deal with them in his or her own time? WHY must we FORCE things. If you work on building a trusting relationship together, which takes TIME, those things will come out. Why do we fear our kids telling US things? Why must we force things to come to the surface before our children are ready? I am so against this, with EVERY FIBER OF MY BEING! If I were forced to deal with things I wasn't ready to, it would only serve to make me angry.

And where does Christ fit into this picture? Can't we lead our children to tell Him?
Why do they need an intermediary?

The couple featured in this show also did the most OFFENSIVE thing I have ever seen.
The girl's saw their baby brother beaten to death by his grandmother. The parents found out they had a brother, so even though they were having problems with their present adoptive children, they adopted a boy, to replace their brother! NO kidding!
That is SICK! You CANNOT replace somebody brother by buying them a new one~! AND what about the poor kid that was to be the new brother? How fair was that to HIM?
No surprise, he has all the diagnosis mentioned above, even though he looked TOTALLY normal when they got him. They never mentioned the meds he was on, during the show, but I'd take a bullet that they are many.

I will stop with this:
Adoption isn't for everybody, neither is parenthood. Years of neglect and hurt will not be wiped away by bringing our children to America, fattening them up and giving them a new bike and clothes. It will take TIME, and no amount of counseling will speed up the internal heart clock of any child.
The best thing we can do is as the scripture says, "weep with those who weep, laugh with those who laugh, there is a time for each of these. It will be up to future adoptive parents to instill a sense of TRUST, and children cannot TRUST you if you do not respect them.
What I saw on this show was a total lack of respect of these children.

One thing I did notice about the little girl Leeza, featured. When the new adoptive mom and dad came into see her, they didn't stand over her, they knelt down to her and look up. This must have made her feel great. Somebody cared about her enough to not stand over her and tell her to come, but to kneel down and introduce themselves. It showed kindness to her, and gentleness.

The other MAJOR issue I had with the show was the showing of parents who had killed their children, and then showed the children's pictures, making the children out to be the problem. Especially in the case of interviewing Peggy Hilt. I won't go into detail on this, but I was so sickened they showed an interview with her. You can google her story and read the real facts. The other picture was of a child who had down syndrome and had only been home 2 months. What, are they saying he had RAD? What can an 18 month old do?

I think I have said enough. Can you tell I have an opinion on this? LOL I am not anti counseling. But I am anti FORCED counseling. I am for respecting our children's rights to be who they are. None of our children have withheld their pasts. They have all openly talked to us, but it took time to establish the trust for them to do this. No amount of counseling would have caused that to happen. But TIME, lots of time, and lovingly accepting them in their happy moods, sour moods, scared moods, moody moods, and loving moods, and respecting them as individuals is what will lead to true attachment and reciprocal love. For some it will happen faster. For others, not so fast.

For those of you waiting for your kids: PLEASE! PLEASE! EDUCATE yourself on Post Institutionalized children. One of the best parenting courses we took was through the Local Child Protective Services offices. Great classes. Read books, lots of them. Discern them, take the good, throw out the bad. And most of all Seek the Lord for His wisdom. James 1:5 says he will give wisdom to all who ask.

Just Keep Christ Out Of It!

These were the words I heard as I spoke to somebody about the condition of man.
Over the years there have been many conversations, and while I truly care and want to be kind and understanding, at what point, when I hear heresy do I just keep my big mouth shut? Or, is it wrong to be quiet when somebody states things contrary to scripture as fact, to sit idly as they condemn themselves?

I'm not talking about theological twaddles regarding things in scripture that do not effect man's salvation; such as, "Are the gifts for today" or "should a woman cover her head in public worship"or "is the lord coming back in a Pre Tribulational Rapture, Mid tribulational rapture, Pre-Wrath Tribulational Rapture, or Post Tribulational Rapture. I'm not talking about if you are Pre melenial, Post melenial or Ah Melenial.... Those things ARE important,but they are not salvation issus. (please excuse the spelling)

However, when you get down to the basic Gospel, who Christ said He was, the salvation message, and the eternal state of man; THOSE discussions DO have eternal salvific importance and there isn't room to be wrong. Scripture is CLEAR on these issues, I believe scripture was given to us by God. It is God Breathed.

This person has swallowed a lie instead of truth. They think that there is no judgement, even though the scripture clearly teaches judgment. They think that there is no atonement, and that Christ never said he was God. They now believe when we die, we just go to God, and that is it. We'll be some kind of star or something. They think there is no hell, no condemnation, nothing. How do you get that from the Truth of Scripture? And, what is their version of God? It isn't the God of the Bible.
We CANNOT make up "god in our image" how we like him, and say we are worshiping God.
That is nothing short of idol worship of the worst kind.

I remember talking to my Chiropractor a couple of years ago. He was talking about all his Spiritual Religious Experiences and how he thought his house was haunted with spirits with unfinished business, etc. He said he was finding spiritual power in all kinds of religions,(other than Christ, of course) I listened quietly for quite a while, and then told him that even the scripture talks about how man will try to reach God a different way John 10:1. But Christ called him a thief and a liar, and then I told him; "you can climb up all kinds of spiritual ladders, and on the way up, you may find some interesting things, but the truth is, when you get to the top of your ladder, there will be no open door, you will hit a wall in search for God. Jesus Christ said, "HE was the Door". So, your climbing is in vein. He was rather dumbfounded with my answer, but remained quiet. I hope that those words pierced his heart in some way, with a sliver of truth.

Well, back to my conversation:

When we were talking, I said Christ Always Eternally existed. He is part of the Godhead, he is the CREATOR of ALL THINGS.... He is the Word, Before Abraham was born he said, "I AM". (they wanted to stone him because he claimed diety) John 1:1-3

I was told, we are all God. Ummm. No we aren't. We are created beings. Jesus Christ IS the creator, come down as a man.
And the conversation went on, and then I ended it, when the words were spoken, "Let's keep Christ Out of it!"

HUH!???? How do you keep Christ, out of the Creation? How do you Separate Him, from Himself?

I find it so very interesting that those who live in darkness continue to want to keep Christ out of it. They want Him out of the creation, they want him out of Christmas, to the point that people sign "Merry X-Mas" instead of "Merry Christmas". Oh they love to celebrate Christmas and the little baby being born... they just don't like the grown up Jesus. The one who brought judgment just by the fact that he was born. John 3:19.
They want him OUT of the Church, and His teachings to be powerless. They have taken His words and watered them to the point that they are no longer His.

Without Christ, without HIS atoning power,without his absolute WORD, where would we be? We would continue to wallow and wander in darkness. We do not have to walk in Darkness because Proverbs says HIS WORD IS A LAMP UNTO OUR FEET AND A LIGHT UNTO OUR PATH.

While Some Were Sleeping All Snug In Their Beds

While some were sleeping all snug in their beds, two little girls woke up feeling much better this a.m. and decided to surprise mommy! And what a great surprise! I just love it when they do this stuff. It brought me great joy and I know it brought them joy too!

Who says you can't scrub a floor or help load a dishwasher if you don't have feet? Not Erika!



Who says if you are just learning to stand on your leg you can't do the dishes and clean the counters? Not Sarah!



One sweet little girl is missing from the fun. She would have joined in, but she is still sick. Yesterday EVERYBODY was sick and Sarah could barely get her head off of her pillow because of a headache. Poor Anna is still down for the count, so we will all serve her today and help her to feel better. :)



I think they did an AWESOME JOB!



Thanks my dear little girlies.:) I love you.

The Truth Is: We're ALL Naughty

The girlies love to go on the Santa's Village Website and goof around. Now, they know that Santa is not real, but fiction, and just for fun. They do understand the true meaning of this holiday but as kids will do, they get caught up in the fun too. I do too. :) (note the santa tracker) LOL

But something struck me tonight that was very significant and it was also a great lead in for our Family Worship time.

Our Anna had written a letter to Santa on the website. The website asked her to check a box and say if she had been naughty or nice. Then, she could write a letter.
She checked Naughty.

She then went on to write: "I'd really like a green bike and for my sisters to have a doll, but since I've been naughty, you can cancel me from your list, but be sure to send my sister a doll as she just got a cast off of her leg."

My heart sank at first. I was saddened that my Anna thought she was naughty. I asked her about it and she said, "Well, mom, Honestly, I have been naughty sometimes this year."

I pondered that and thought, well, that is true. :) You see, she is not perfect.
The truth is, ALL of us would have to check Naughty. Because NONE of us are perfect.

As we began Family worship, we started to talk about "Naughty and Nice".....
Can we EARN favor with God by being Nice? Is Nice good enough? And then we talked about Sin and how there is NOTHING we can do to be nice enough, on our own, to earn Favor with God.
As our time unfolded, it became very clear that because of our Sin nature, we are naturally "naughty"; it is only in Christ that true "niceness" exists. Not the fake niceness, but genuine, permanent, heart changing.... LIFE CHANGING, SALVATION exists only in Christ, and it is based upon HIS GIFT to US. We can do nothing to earn it or deserve it.

What a contrast there is between Santa and Jesus Christ our Savior.....

The World says, "earn"
Jesus Says "repent"
The World says, "be nice"
Jesus says, "Be Holy"
Be Made WHOLE!

Oh I am so glad that I have salvation and not a lump of coal in my stocking.

We ALL deserve that lump of coal.
But Christ...... HE IS OUR DELIVERER and he delivers GRACE, UNMERITED FAVOR, UNDESERVED,UNEARNED and ETERNAL LIFE....

WHAT A GIFT! :)

IT IS CHRISTMASTIME AGAIN!

I put it in all caps, just in case you didn't know.:)

We have always had certain traditions that are related to Christmas, and during the Month of December, there are certain things that we do that are the same each year.

We always put the tree up the day after Thanksgiving, and drink Hot Cocoa, even if it isn't cold outside, and watch Miracle on 34th Street. (the old one with Natalie Woods)

Sometime during the early part of the month, we go and pick out 1 new ornament each to add to the tree. Last year we found a "backgammon game" ornament. That was mine. :)
The girls picked out bird ornaments. Daddy got a tool box ornament.

We also bake cookies to hang on the tree and the kids eat them off. :) One of my favorite memories was when Marcus was 2. I baked cookie ornaments and hung them on the tree. He apparently figured out they were edible and licked the icing on all the lower ornaments and we got ants that year. I had to put ant bait under the tree skirt to get rid of them. LOL

Establishing memories and habits at Christmas is so important for family. It doesn't cost a lot. You could have a habit of Mall Wandering on Black Friday, just for the fun of it. You don't have to buy anything. But letting the kids see the crowds, or go and see Santa, not to ask for anything or get a picture, but just to say hi, is a fun thing to do.

When Joseph was 3, he discovered Santa. We were taking a stroll at the local mall to see all the decorations. He was fascinated with Santa, and this Santa was a really great one. Real beard, real glasses and so kind and jolly. I never lied to the kids and told them Santa would do anything for them, but Santa is a part of our culture, and he is around at Christmas. So, I asked Joe, "do you want to visit with Santa?"
Those huge brown eyes said YES! So we waited in line. He sat on Santa's lap and told him all about his cars, and his daddy's truck, and all about his toys, and then he hopped off and said, "Merry Christmas". That was it. He didn't ask for anything, didn't get a picture (we didn't have the money for that luxury back then) and he was happy. We went to visit Santa about 3 times that year, and the Santa just loved Joe.
It cracked him up that he didn't ever ask for anything. He just wanted to talk.

When our girlies came into our home, they came with no memorable traditions and different memories of past Christmases; some very traumatic.
It would have been unrealistic to expect them to have a "Merry Christmas" and just take in all the fun. Especially for Sarah and Anna. It was also important to avoid the words, "In our family we do this, or in this family we do that".... That kind of wording can make a child feel "outside the family" or remind them of not always being here. Their own past memories will let them remember they weren't always here, we don't need to remind them.
When the girls were first at home, the Christmas tree represented the past to them. In fact, the first year we had Christmas with Sarah I called around to find out what had gone on the year before, as she was really upset with the tree. I received the information needed to help me to help her through the season. I actually thought about not having a tree anymore, as both girls just reacted so sadly to it and it made all those memories flood back.

But after discussing it with my level headed husband Mike, we figured it would be best to help them through it, as you really can't avoid Christmas Trees at Christmas.
It is up to us to help them build new special memories to replace the old ones, and to establish new family habits that the children will embrace. We have old traditions AND new traditions. Comfort foods have been added. I had never eaten beets before, but they are now a permenant comfort food in our home and they are served liberally at Thanksgiving and Christmas. The girlies like them baked like potatoes with butter and salt. I have also developed a liking for beet salad.

It might be a little soon to say, but I actually think that for the first time, this year, we are there. This is Anna's 6th Christmas with us. Sarah's 5th and Erika's 3rd. They were excited about putting the tree up. They were excited about finding their old ornaments. They were excited about finding the old movie we were planning to watch and Anna checked the refrigerator to make sure there was whipped cream for the Hot Cocoa.
Every year has gotten better and smoother than the one before and the most exciting thing is the kids memories are of Christmas's past.... the ones that have passed by here. That is such an awesome thing to hear them chatter and giggle about what happened last year and the year before; remembering who came to visit and who is going to come this year. I love seeing them pour over magazines and ads and envision what they might get for Christmas.
Erika has come a long way from asking for a comb. :)

Tis the season to be joyful, thankful and happy. Happy because of what the Lord has done in our lives. Happy because the girlies are happy. I feel true joy seeing them shine and flutter about with festive little hearts.

Over the next couple of weeks we will be making messes in the kitchen that will make me tired. And if I were to get lazy, I would probably tell them, "mom will do it", but that isn't what will make a memory for them. So they will mix and pour and make messes and make mistakes and get stuff all over the floor and we will clean it up, taste that cookie dough decorate the cookies, hang them on the tree, give them for gifts, and create another memory in their memory boxes to pull out at another time, continuing to help those past traumas lose their power and fade into the past.

Guess Who's Gonna Be A Big Brother!

Willis is! Yea! Can't wait until July! :)

Uncle Bob Visit Part 2

Poor Uncle Bob wasn't feeling too well. We gave him our colds to take home. You are welcome Uncle Bob. :)
We all had to stay home from Church due to being contagious. So we had a nice easy morning before Bob left to go back to Tulsa. Everybody was soakin' up love.

A Visit From Uncle Bob

We had a really nice visit with Uncle Bob. He came with a vehicle and no heat, and left with that same vehicle toasty warm. So it was a productive weekend. In the midst of all that work, we managed Thanksgiving Dinner, visits from other relatives and loads of backgammon games. Uncle Bob has been practicing and we are looking forward to a Backgammon Christmas Challenge.

Grand kids

Aren't they just the greatest little inventions? :)

Lillian and Will held still long enough for a picture or two. Lillian decided to make a face instead of smile. Will was fascinated with the Christmas Tree. We just put it up this a.m. I put the non breakables on the bottom part so the babies can do what babies do.
It was really fun seeing Marc, Ivy and Chuck and Jodie. Katie played her Oboe for us and she is on her way to being a great Oboist.

So here starts the Holiday Pictures!

An Executive Order From Daddy

Anna no longer has to fear our Vietnamese Customers coming over and looking at that duck. We have sold them ducks before and every time they come, she runs to hide the duck. :)

So Daddy granted the duck immunity and she is now an official pet. (besides, her eggs taste great) We raised her from an egg and she is 2 years old now.
AND...... this duck LOVES Anna.

Here they are playing together:




I think the Duck is Thankful..... quack....

Birthday Part 2

After the morning, we had company and Thanksgiving dinner, and then the Birthday Cake.




It was a good day. :)

Anna Is 10 !!!

Yesterday was Anna's Birthday. The first year we had her she turned 5 on Thanksgiving Day, and now, she has turned 10 on Thanksgiving Day. What a neat day we had with all the traditional visitors, turkey, stuffing, AND a birthday.

She chose to have a chocolate marbled cheesecake. Here we are making it, or is that eating it?




Anna enjoyed her present hunt:


It is tradition to hide the presents and they get to open them as they find them.
We were able to get Anna a stroller for her birthday this year. Gramma sent some clothes, a much loved book and a nice watch. She can practice telling time!

Surprise Surprise Surprise!

I went to Tractor Supply today to get goat feed. They asked if I wanted help getting my feed bags in the car to which I said YES! (they weigh 50 lbs each)

So this nice man helped me get them to my car. I popped the trunk open and the poor guy takes a gasp.... this is what he saw......


LOL! I forgot they were in the car. After he came out of shock I explained that they belonged to our daughter etc. etc.
I bet he'll never be shocked again to see another person's trunk. :)

Marcus the Preacher Man

It is an honor to say that Marcus, our youngest son, preached at his church on Sunday.
We were able to drive and hear him speak and I have to say, he did a really good job on a difficult text.

Marcus is a wonderful husband, father and son. Praise the Lord that He has worked in Marc's life and caused him to want to bring glory to our Heavenly Father.

It is an honor to be both Marcus's mother AND his sister in the Lord. :)

If you want to hear his sermon, it starts after the scripture reading on this podcast.
(It is called Jesus Speaks to the Churches at Ephesus).

http://www.mckinneybiblechurch.org/index.php?option=com_podcast&view=feed&format=raw

Happy Thanksgiving Everybody!

It is our favorite, FAVORITE time of year once again. The weather is cooler and there is just an excitement in the air. I love seeing the trees turn color. Some of the trees have golden leaves and one has purple leaves and it is just so pretty.

We have been able to use the wood stove again and the bedrooms are all cozy with flannel sheets, blankets and quilts. We could live in Alaska with all the coziness in around here, but we just have to pretend, as it just doesn't get that cold in Texas.
However, tonight, it will get down to 32º.

I talked to our dad tonight and he said it is snowing like crazy in Michigan. I love going to Michigan at Thanksgiving, but we couldn't make the trip this year as we have too many medical issues going on.

But the GREAT news is Uncle BOB is coming from Oklahoma, and our kids will stop by here and there. We will also be introduced to "Tofurken". Our oldest son Chuck, is a vegetarian and his wife Jodie, will be making a Tofu turkey. :) I can't wait to try it. Of course we will have a regular turkey too. However it will not be our 441/2 lb one. I forgot to get him out of the freezer on time. I feel terrible about that.
He was supposed to be smoked tomorrow, but he is still frozen, so another turkey is going to be our guest. He weighed in at 25 lbs and is resting in the fridge. :)

Of course Anna announced that she no longer wants to take care of the animals if all I'm going to do is kill them after she works so hard to care for them. :) She told me she had a talk with the goats and told them if they see me coming with a bucket of food they should run for their lives.....
She is better today. LOL

The last few days we have been busy cleaning and straightening in order to get our Christmas stuff out. The day after Thanksgiving, we make a tradition of shopping and then putting up the tree. After the tree is decorated we have hot cocoa and watch Miracle on 34th St. The old one with Natalie Woods.

One of the fun things today was seeing the girls faces light up as some things came down from the attic. Erika was gleeful saying, "I remember that! I remember that!"
Anna and Sarah were doing the same and it was great to see that their Christmases are now filled with happy memories of Christmases past. :)

Anna's Birthday is Thanksgiving Day too. We are going to do the traditional "seek and find" your presents in the morning. She wants a cheese cake for her cake, and then either Saturday or Sunday we will go to Chuck E Cheese for fun and games.

This is gonna be one busy week.
I think I need to grab onto something and hang on for the ride. :)

Happy Thanksgiving to All!

Closet Cleaning

I think I need to clean my closet out more often. When I finished Sarah said, "Wow mommy! A person could live in here!"

Doing Girl Stuff

Anna loves to help in the kitchen.... Actually, ALL the girls love to help, but this one is about Anna.

We made this YUMMY caramel on Saturday.


It was an easy recipe, but I think it could use some "tweaking".

The recipe is:

2 cups sugar
1 1/2 cups corn syrup
1 Tsp Vanilla
1 Cup Butter
2 Cups Heavy Whipping Cream

put sugar, corn syrup butter and 1 cup of whipping cream
in heavy pan. Heat to boiling stirring regularly.
Then, when it comes to a boil, you add the other cup of
cream. Stir well and then do not stir anymore. Heat until
the candy thermometer gets to 242 degrees or hard but pliable ball stage.

Add Vanilla, stir and then pour mixture into parchment lined 13x9" pan.
Cool and cut into squares. Wrap in wax paper.


With the Extra Whipping Cream, Anna asked if she could make Butter, like we did at Log Cabin Village. So here she is shaking the jar. The butter is very tasty!

Amputee Humor

Sarah was a little disappointed on Friday that she couldn't just get out of that cast and take off running. She spent Saturday night at a friend's house hopping around, and yesterday at church hopping everywhere and got pretty tired. I can't imagine the energy she exerts on a daily basis. So after all that energy spent, this a.m. she woke up and was a little on the grump side. She didn't want to wear jeans, only shorts and couldn't find shorts. etc. etc.
We got her smiling and back to normal and then she said something about her leg making her mad.

So I said, well Sarah, you know what the bible says...."If your leg offends you, cut it off!" To which I got this face....

With the statement, "Hey, it already IS cut off!" LOL
Then she said, "I LOVE MY FOOT!"


Then this face because she knows I'm gonna blog about her. :)


Sarah is always fun, even when she's mad. :)

Any Unpacked Bags?

As parents, our children come most of the time when we are young and foolish and in no way ready to be parents. That is how God chose to do it! :)
It seems that God has made a great effort to want us to be dependent upon HIM for every breath of life that we breathe and every step we take. Our inadequacy glaring at us each day caused us to run for our prayer closet and hang onto our Heavenly Father for the inspiration of the day, for the strength to get to the coffee pot, for the words we spoke and the energy our days required of us.

As our children got older and we were more comfortable with what direction they were taking, we relaxed abit, as we knew that GOD had ordained their steps and our job was almost done. It was a time of thrilling enjoyment, seeing those flowers unfold into beautiful bloom. (yes,even with boys the analogy works)

Now, there are those crazy types that have decided to do it all over again! LOL You know who you are....

But the difference is: They come potty trained and talking back! They haven't learned your language, either unspoken OR spoken. They come with loads of baggage that needs to be sorted through and a tangled mess of ideas and hurts that give the feeling of continual untangling of Christmas lights. AHHHHH!!!!! You can throw the Christmas lights away and buy a new set! (don't tell, but I have actually done this before)

But our Children are not throw away. There is something new we must learn, like.....
timing, patience, kindness, careful untangling of a little life and unpacking of a bag so tattered that if you don't unzip it carefully it will fall apart.

So, we say to ourselves... this a different sort of kid. This kid didn't come with instructions.(even though we know very well our others didn't either)
If we are not careful, we can find ourselves looking through instruction manuals of a different nature that will offer loads of "man's wisdom", devoid of Godly wisdom.

Some books are great and we can identify things in our dear children in them, and they can offer help to us BUT without prayer and discernment, they can also be VERY, VERY dangerous. The same goes with counselors, and those who have made businesses dealing with emotional pain and baggage.
While some of the information and techniques used can be utilized in a positive way, some of it is just down right dangerous, and we MUST discern what is best for our children.
This very issue SHOULD bring us to our knees in prayer and to the Word of God for instruction, but slowly, instead, the phone call is made to the counselor, the books are re read and we forget Who our TRUE source of guidance is.
Don't get me wrong. I am not against reading of books, and I read them ALOT too. But it is a battle to remember to hold them up to the whole counsel of the word of God.
I am not against counseling either, as I think sometimes there are things they can offer a parent to try.

What I AM against is the forcing of a child to face things he or she may not be ready to face. I am 50 years old, and there are STILL things in my life from long ago that I am JUST NOW, starting to comprehend. I don't think any amount of counseling would have helped me to see it any sooner.

I remember several years ago, after a very traumatic event in my life, a counselor at a church kept calling me. She kept trying to get me to come and and talk to her and she persisted to the point that I totally shut down. I didn't want to talk to her. I wasn't ready. I didn't want her prodding me for how I felt or act like she cared about me. I felt like one of her "projects" she had chosen to fix.
What welled up in me was anger, frustration and self thoughts of inadequacy and pain.
Why does SHE think I need fixing? Why MUST she bother me so?

I finally wrote a letter to her and the church pastor and asked him to please tell her to lay off. I didn't need her help. I needed to work things out between ME and my LORD. She is not my intermediary! I have no need of one.
She didn't back off, and I found sanctuary at a new church.

You know what happened? The pastor there was amazing. He was a little younger and the church was HUGE. ( I thought I could hide out for a while) He saw me and 4 little boys watching the worship team practice. I was so used to going to church early for music; but I was no longer fit.

That guy came over and sat down and showed me respect and kindness. He introduced himself and talked to each of the boys who were between 4 and 8. He never asked me where my husband was. He never asked if I was in need of anything. He just respected me as person, and then he went on his merry way. Oh I was never so thankful for a simple kind person to just treat me as normal.

In time, the Lord brought things to my heart and I poured my heart our to HIM. Later he provided me with a friend to share with, but had to be HIM first!

Why do I say all that?

Because I think so many times we are on a mission to "fix" our children. We are on the fast track to make them whole, and in the process, we may be missing God's timing, and our children's timing.
They may not be ready for things to be discussed. They may just need to chill and be loved just for who they are, with all their quirks and unpacked bags. They may need us to soak that scab in love so it gets soft and doesn't hurt when it comes off.
(sorry for the gross analogy)

I remember when our Anna came to us and decided she wanted to be a baby. She went through the birth process all on her own, curling up under a blanket and being "born" and then snuggling up and I gave her a bottle of warm milk and swaddled and rocked her. THIS WAS NOT INITIATED BY ME OR ANOTHER PERSON, though I have heard of it being done; this was initiated by HER!
She was 6, and after she finished, she looked me straight in the eye and said, "YOU ARE MY MAMA!" It was like she birthed herself into a new role in the family. She was REALLY part of a family and chose to identify herself in that way.

Well, along came Sarah and guess what? After about 6 months.... she did the exact same thing. I thought... how intersting. They have both done this and they are the ones who have initiated this. I felt honored.

When Erika came, she was a little older (almost 8) She of course loved being rocked and sang to, and because of her physical problems, she could not curl into a ball under a blanket on my lap, but she wanted to. We tried some different things and so we just announced that we had a new baby. I held her in my arms and talked to her just like I talked to the boys when they were newborns. "Oh, look at her Mike, she is just BEAUTIFUL"! Look at her hair. Look at her eyes! She is ours! We prayed for her and we gooed and gahhed at her and she snuggled up, just as the other girls did.
She actually went a little further and she would catch me in the hall and grab me and then pretend to nurse! YIKES...... She was fascinated for a few weeks about if her brothers were nursed etc. I explained to her that not all babies are nursed, so though her brothers were nursed with mother's milk, Tim wasn't able to latch on because of being preemie. She was preemie too.

These things happened over time. We had incidents with each girl of disturbing behaviors, but saw those as bags being unpacked. And the longer we loved them, the longer we respected them, the longer we were able to reach them, the more those behaviors disappeared.

As we have been able to instruct them and lead them to Christ.... they have continued to grow and are now learning to ask HIM for help and comfort along with mom and dad.
The words placed in their hearts, the love that has been planted is growing and each of them, are shining in their own ways.
All bags are NOT unpacked. But in God's timing, it will happen. God's timing evokes change from the heart. It is welcomed and does not bring resentfulness and anger.
His timing brings about repentance and healing.

If it were up to me.... I'd want everything fixed today. No YESTERDAY! But God is multilayered. He knows that I need to continue to learn patience and kindness and a big helping of MORE forgiveness.
AND.... as He helps them unpack their bags, He shows me that I still have some bags to unpack too, and so we do it together. :)

Dolls Playing with Dolls

Here are our little dolls, playing with their dolls. They took over my bathroom for the morning and had a wonderful time.







I love seeing them be little girls and just have a good time together. Of course they got into my makeup to give their dollies rosy cheeks. :)

Breaking Free of the Pink Cocoon!

Today is the day for Sarah to get her cast off of her leg! We are SOOOOOOO excited!
Two weeks ago she cried saying she didn't think she was going to be able to stand not being able to run any more. She is a runner, and hopper, and jumper and dancer, and she was just plain tired of not being able to do what she loves. My heart breaks at these moments. They can be hard for all of us.

Her moment of crisis is in the past and she is now ready to break free of that pink cocoon that has been holding her down for the last 7 weeks.

So here are her last few pictures IN her cast......the last 2 are at the hospital with Daddy in his volunteer Uniform. :)





I was going to take a picture of her getting her cast off, but she was a little too scared so instead we read a book, did tic tac toe and then I held a very scared little girl. But once it was off and she could see things weren't as bad as she thought, she did great. She told the Dr. it feels like her knee has been to the dentist. It was a little numb. :)

Presenting Truth vs. Brainwashing

Because of numerous conversations I have had with different people, my mind was swimming with ideas how truth is presented to our children. What is the difference between "Truth and Brainwashing"?

Some would say all religious education is "brain washing". Some would say teaching the evolutionary theory in schools is "brain washing". Some would say that teaching right from wrong is "brain washing".

This got me to thinking that the term "Brainwashing" is used as a negative term by those who oppose what the other side is teaching.

So, if you are not a Christian, then All Christian teaching is considered "brainwashing." You may ask how else could anybody think Christianity is true? Or, maybe you were raised being taught something you didn't accept, so now you say, it was brainwashing.
I was taught evolutionary science in Public School. Some would have argued I was being "brain washed".

But both of these examples are ample proof that no brain washing took effect.
As, the person who is not a believer after being raised in a believing home, has his own beliefs, and I, as a public school graduate am not a staunch Darwinian.

I looked up brainwashing, and the definition was interesting. It wasn't absolute.
Some definitions said that brainwashing took effect by isolation, coercion, torture,
intimidation, etc. but here was the definition that stuck out to me:

""""Social scientists who study new religious movements, such as Jeffrey K. Hadden (see References), understand the general proposition that religious groups can have considerable influence over their members, and that that influence may have come about through deception and indoctrination. Indeed, many sociologists[who?] observe that "influence" occurs ubiquitously in human cultures, and some[who?] argue that the influence exerted in cults or new religious movements does not differ greatly from the influence present in practically every{[fact}} domain of human action and of human endeavor.""""


Isn't that interesting? Brainwashing has been watered down to mainstream societal influence. And that is a shame, because it takes away from the true meaning of brainwashing.

In teaching our children the truth, the catechisms, true doctrines of the church, history, science, mathematics etc, we are not brainwashing them but educating them.
There is a big difference between brain washing and educating.

The same goes for the other side of this coin. If somebody teaches or holds the belief that is foreign to me, it is not brain washing for them to express their opinion.

I think however, when it comes to children, their minds are open to whatever is told them, and they are ready and willing to receive what is taught. They do not have discernment for what is true and what is false and therein lies one of our chief duties as parents.

We MUST teach our children to be DISCERNING. We must teach them to THINK, and we cannot do that without teaching them the absolutes of truth, which we can only find in scripture. Part of that teaching includes healthy discussion and debate.

I do not want my children to repeat a catechism with perfect rote memory and never have it touch their heart. But that doesn't mean I won't teach them the truths of God's word. I know many who are afraid of the word "doctrine" because that denotes indoctrination and thus is a form of brainwashing. HOGWASH!

Our children's education, both spiritual and academic must come from a moral compass.
We don't teach them to brain wash them and therefore cause them to believe as we do.
We teach them the truths of scripture to lead them on the path of Life. We certainly have hope that they will follow that path, but there is no magic guarantee, as each man is accountable to God for what he believes and NO MAN comes to God unless the Spirit draws him.

You may be wondering where I am headed with this.....

Here is where I am headed.....

There are movements within the United States that are asking for Change. I am not talking Obama here. I am talking about "within" the church. There are wolves among us who are preaching a new doctrine and not a doctrine based upon truth but upon lies. There is a new youth movement going on and some larger churches are allowing false doctrine to come in. (check out the emergent church and the website www.deepshift.org) I can think of a more appropriate name for this site, but this blog is G rated. :)

HOW OH HOW will our Children be able to discern the truth from the Lie if they are not taught the basic tenants of the faith, based upon the absolutes found in scripture?
If we do not teach them and make sure they understand the gospel, the TRUE gospel, then we are to blame when the wolf comes in and leads them astray with a "new gospel";
a gospel that is devoid of the Cross, without a need for salvation, without a need for repentance.

We had better wake up, as it will not be "brain washing" that steals the hearts of the next generation, but lack of teaching from the Church and from our own homes that entices them away.
It is time to TRULY teach them to think and discern and stop filling their brains with mind candy. If we do our jobs as directed in scripture, we have hope that they will not be led astray by false teachers.

The Challenger

Erika challenged me to a game of Backgammon.

Here she is about to begin....

Here is the game ready to go....

Here is the winner.....
She clobbered me!