His Mercy

"His Mercies Are New Every Morning"

A Thought

In this life we can not always do great things. But we can do small things with great love.." :) Mother Teresa

Prayer Quote

“I pray because I can't help myself. I pray because I'm helpless. I pray because the need flows out of me all the time- waking and sleeping. It doesn't change God- it changes me.”
― C. S. Lewis


I believe in the sun even when it's not shining. I believe in love even when I don't feel it. And I believe in God even when He is silent. (quote found on the wall of a concentration camp)

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Tuesday, January 24, 2012

"Healthy with Correctable Special Needs"

IF you are approaching  adoption looking for the "perfect" child, please know...the perfect child does NOT exist! They are a facade in the mind!

ANY CHILD, whether perfectly healthy physically in every way, or having "minor correctable issues", IS a SPECIAL NEEDS CHILD!  Just sayin!  If you want a healthy child, that does NOT mean your child will not have immense special needs!
No amount of head circumference measuring, no amount of chart testing or Dr. visits will change that your child has faced their ENTIRE LIFE in a trauma state that has rewired their little brain to think and react differently than normal.
Does this mean they STAY THAT WAY? No. Not if you understand what is going on and how to lead them out of the darkness and despair of orphanage life and past abuse.

But, if you go into adoption with more worries about how to decorate a bedroom than raise a child with a trauma background.... well.... look out!
Don't be the parent who resembles the bride set up for a failed marriage, having put all of her money into the cost of a $ 50,000 dollar wedding only to forget that there is a marriage to live when the Honey moon is over. 

What have you done to prepare for your sweet children when they come home?  Are you listening to friends tell you, "You'll do fine?"  or "You have parented already, how hard could it be?"  Do you balk at the idea of an adoption education class?  Are you listening to counselors who have loads of advice but no success, and especially do not understand children with trauma/abandonment backgrounds?
If you don't educate yourself on the realities and complexities of your future children, or you plan to depend upon a counselor to educate you, you are setting yourself up for failure, and worse yet, your children are being set up for failure too.  They have already had enough failure in their lives...they don't need MORE!
At the same time, there is a LOT of BAD, BAD information out there on adopted children and how one should parent them.
I have seen the destruction some methods bring and it breaks my heart, because it DOESN'T HAVE TO BE THAT WAY!
If your child has been in FOSTER CARE, a WONDERFUL ORPHANAGE, a POOR ORPHANAGE, an INTERNAT, a Special Needs Baby House, TB Sanitarium, Laying Room (dying room), or anything inbetween, THEY ARE SPECIAL NEEDS CHILDREN...... 

Does this mean they cannot succeed? No, not at all.  Our girls are on a track to HUGE success.... I can feel it in my bones. :)  But the path to get there has got to be carefully plodded.  There is no room for years of bad parenting mistakes and misunderstanding. You have a limited time with them.
So if you are a waiting parent..... EDUCATE YOURSELF!  READ.... STUDY.... PRAY.... and start working on your OWN stuff.  Your own personal baggage is what will get in the way of relationships later. 
You point at your brother and say, "Look at that speck in his eye! While you have a LOG in your own.
Matthew 7:5 says

You hypocrite, first take the plank out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to remove the speck from your brother's eye.
New International Version (©1984)

Parenting is an honor and privilege, it is not a right.   


Chris said...

I saw the title for this on my dashboard yesterday and was very disappointed when it was not actually on your blog. I hoped you weren't changing your mind about printing it. I could only read the first sentences and knew it was something I needed for my newsletter. THANK YOU

Mike and Christie said...

Hi Chris, I just wanted to tweak a few things before posting. :)

Annie said...

I had the same experience as Chris; I was glad to see it posted and think you did a great job of stating some important truths. (I wish you could get rhrough to a few brides as well.)

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