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Wednesday, January 25, 2012

Helping Our Children Grow

Mike and I were talking this morning about working on ways to help our girlies grow in some areas that they seem to be sort  of  "stuck" in. 

With Miss Alli especially, she has come so very far in so many areas of her little life, but has maintained some entrenched bad habits that we would like to help her separate herself from.  Sometimes old habits are just hard to break, and we need help to get out of the rut we are in.  So today, I had a talk with all of the girls before we started our morning and let them know that we are excited about them becoming teenagers or getting close to teenage-hood, and how very much we are excited that they are growing up.
Then I mentioned that we are excited about helping them grow.  

The premise of BCLC parenting is RELATIONSHIP - RELATIONSHIP - RELATIONSHIP!  When you have a good relationship established, then things fall into place in regards to obedience, guidance and instruction.  Meaning.... the art of discipline is easier.... (discipline meaning teaching, instructing, guiding)   
We have found this to be true in our family, except we need some tweaking. :)  Don't we all?  I know I need tweaking too.  That is why I have New Year's resolutions! That is also why I get really excited about challenging sermons.... I want to grow spiritually!  Life IS Change!

In explaining this to the girls, I want them to feel GOOD about changing some things that hold  them back.  I  layed before them this a.m. some thoughts that I had on my heart and they listened.  I also apologized to them for the last few weeks of just being personally disorganized.  I have been sick for almost 3 weeks and just let things go too much.  HOWEVER, this was a good thing, because it helped us see clearly, that there were areas that we have been carrying in family life that the girls need to be more responsible for.   In other words, I shouldn't have to remind somebody to do the dishes, or to take a bath, or to comb their hair or change their socks or clean their room.......   These are personal responsibilities that they are old enough to handle and SHOULD.

So, while some of our girls are farther along in maturity than others, we just threw all the topics together into one discussion and let them know we were going to help them work on improving personal skills. 

One of our girls sometimes will try  to get attention in a negative way instead of a positive way.  This morning it was eating like a cannibal. Sorry, but that is the best way to put it.  LOL
She doesn't do it all the time, but when it happens, it is usually to get attention.  I stopped her and asked her to hold her fork properly. She said she would rather not eat!   I said to her.... "that really makes me sad, because I want you to eat, but I would Love for you to eat nicely, like a lady."
I went on to tell her about her WISE words to me a few weeks ago when I complained about my weight.  She said, "Mom, don't self loathe!"  "You are fine!"  
You know what? She was RIGHT....  I was self loathing and I was wrong. 
So I told her, "Sweetie, don't self loathe,  love yourself enough to hold your fork like a young lady and not a toddler.  After all, we would not want to see you go on a date with a young man and eat like a cannibal! :)   Of course the next thing out of her mouth was, "Mom, I'm not allowed to date!"  Well you get the picture. :) 
A few minutes later, she said mom.... I'm sorry... and she ate her breakfast very nicely. :)

Soooo, fast forward to tonight!  Miss Alli wanted to light the fire for the wood burning stove and also get some of our wonderful incense burning with a coal. :)  I told her, well, that would be fine, but daddy will need to help guide you with that.   I was told "I KNOW HOW to do it myself!"   "Yes, I know you THINK you know how, but you must ask daddy for help.  "
And then, I said, "Alli, you have been home almost a year now.  I KNOW you do not like to talk back, and it makes you sad. This is one of the areas we need to work on.  You were on your own for so very long and had to do everything on your own, and you didn't trust others.... but NOW, it is time, to trust.  I KNOW you trust us! It is time to show it." :)
She got very quiet, and sat down by me.  I said, "I would love it if you could build that fire with daddy!"   "Call Him.... He will come in and help you."  
She INSISTED that if she called, he wouldn't. 
I INSISTED that if she called, he would .   (note.... fingers crossed) LOL

She called.... and a very sweet Alli said, "Daddy, can I help build the fire tonight? I want to build a fire and light some incense." 
Daddy replied, "SURE! I'll be right in."   And he was.
Alli was so excited.  She let him direct  her on how to build a real good fire and she was able to do all the labor by following instructions. :)   And then, he let her put the incense on the coal so everything would smell wonderful. :)
And here they are after finishing the job.   Yep, daddy IS a mechanic! LOL
I think she learned something really valuable tonight. She learned that we WANT to help her succeed.  And we WANT to do things that she wants to do, and she doesn't have to know everything and do it alone.  
She also came to me later and said "Mom, I want to change. I am going to work hard on it." 

I have been waiting for this moment with her for a long time; the moment when SHE wanted to change and could clearly see that she NEEDED to make some personal changes.  I don't think it could have happened without first establishing and rooting her in a relationship that she could trust and feel trusted. 
She went on to do all of the kitchen duties on her own, and did a really great job. :)
Wow, what an eventful day!  



6 comments:

Annie said...

What an inspiring anecdote... (And I DO relate to the fingers crossed/praying part of it!)

Naomi said...

I could just stare at this picture of the love oozing from her gaze at her daddy! Grow Alli Grow!

Mike and Christie said...

Naomi, I love being able to catch "Real Pictures" instead of just poses. This was a real picture that I will always cherish....grease and all. LOL

Mike and Christie said...

Annie, I told Mike about the finger crossing last night and he cracked up.

Chris said...

I know I know this, but what is BCLC parenting?

raychris@dejazzd.com

Mike and Christie said...

BCLC stands for Beyond Consequences Logic and Control.

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