I Could Use A Little More Sympathy!

Mike and Alli went out and had a great dinner with all kinds of Night Shade Spices! 
I am living vicariously through them. :)

Mike said, "Aren't you HAPPY you found the solution to your pain?'

Yes.... I am !  But it means, pain, or a VERY limited diet!
I am choosing the limited diet.

I am happy they had a great time tonight and had some SPICE! :)

We are now Fish Farmers

Alli has been saving her money for quite a while. I am so proud of her. She said, "Mama, a long time ago I would have wasted my money on gum and little things."  "But now, I'm learning to have self control. "
She got a book from the library about raising Beta fish.  And she is convinced she can do it!  We used Anna's old beta fish tank and then found a pretty jar for very cheap at target.  So the boy is in one tank and 2 girls are in the other. 
This will be a fun experiment. :)

 

 All right Mr. Grumpy Gills.... Yes, you have new neighbors. :)

  I love the names she picked for them.

So happy that she is enjoying her new adventure!

A Dear Family Needs Our Help

If you are able, could you please go to this site and donate for our sweet friends.  They have such a sad week.  Their son took his life last week.  They are not a wealthy family and there are many expenses for hospital and funeral. 
I feel so sad for our sweet friend. :( 
She needs us to come around her and surround her with love and support.
You can find her blog on my side bar called "On a Scale from One to Ten". 

We are all just one tragedy way from heartache. Our lives can change in an instant. 
Thank You.

You can give by emailing me for the link .  Thank you Mama Porouski and Maria G from Canada,  for the information. :)

A Funny For Tonight...

 Tonight during Family Worship we were finishing up with prayer time. 

Alli prayed, "Dear God, I pray that you would make perfect decisions!" "Oh, you already do!" :)

Sarah needed prayer for the "S" word. :)  In her life, the S word is Surgery. :)

A New Stir Fry Combo

I used Rice noodles; the thin kind.  Sometimes they are referred to as Rice Sticks.  Cooked them like noodles in boiling water, drained and set aside. Do NOT overcook!  5 minutes seems to be enough time.
In the wok, I put about 3 TLB olive oil, frozen broccoli, and thawed shrimp.  As it cooked I added 2 TLB of finely chopped basil, 1/3 cup finely chopped walnuts,  2 Tsp lime juice, and some braggs liquid aminos. (gluten free soy sauce replacement, low sodium compared to soy sauce)

I stir fried it all together and then took out the veges and shrimp.  I took 1 tsp of corn starch in a little cold water to make it smooth and then added it to the wok, to thicken the sauce.  Put all the ingredients back together and then serve right away over rice noodles. 

Everybody REALLY liked it! :)

PLEASE PRAY FOR MY FRIEND

My Sweet, SWEET friend Nellie, is facing the unfathomable.
Her son, took his own life on Friday Night.   I am so sad for her, for her son Elya, and for her entire family.
Please pray for peace and comfort for her family. She is such a lovely person. :)  I so want to be WITH her.... but it is not possible. She is far away physically, but not in heart.
My dear friend is an awesome mother. There is NOTHING she could have done to change this.
My sweet Nellie. :(    May the Lord bring you peace and comfort!

Another Surgery

Our sweet Sarah will be having surgery in December. We are trying to time it AFTER Thanksgiving and BEFORE Christmas. :) 
Her bone has grown so much it is causing her a LOT of pain and she has not been able to stay off of crutches. She plans her activities around crutches.  Soccer, then crutches, ice and advil.... Gymnastics, then crutches, ice and advil.  Poor Baby.

Soooo, after Xrays today, we could see clearly that her bones had grown so much in her amputated leg that they are trying to poke through the tissue and skin. :( 

She has had this surgery several times.  But surgery is never easy.
Can't wait for her to be running and playing pain free once again! :)
Love my sweetie.

The Art of Discipline Part 8: Do you EVER Raise Your Voice?

 ( I just took this photo of my Alli and Bella) :)

I wrote about what "CORRECTION" looks like and showed a video in this post.
This is what instructive correction looks like....  But I wanted to follow up lest I lead people astray that you should NEVER us a firm tone of voice.

I believe STRONGLY that using a soft and tender voice is necessary, and should be the NORM, especially for a traumatized child.  However that does not mean milk toast parenting.  It does not mean that you are not an authority.  You are; and a parent who learns to be an authority in their child's life based upon respect and love has their child's heart.

IF you are not using an authoritative voice all the time, (I am not talking about yelling, as yelling is not ok  I am talking about a firm quick NO!) that quick response will definitely get their attention.
And sometimes that is exactly what is needed. 
Parents who are always yelling or speaking harshly have to raise the level again and again as kids just get used to it as normal... then when you are wanting them to listen quickly, they won't. 

(Not that children are dogs, but it is very true in training animals, that a soft and tender voice needs to be used so that when you need to say a firm NO, the dog will listen. Otherwise, they will ignore you.)

There are times when a child is being disrespectful or in an inappropriate "mood"..... where a quick firm "NO"! or "STOP! NOW!".... is very appropriate.

We had that scenario this a.m. Alli woke up and wanted to make breakfast and it didn't turn out so well. She also was not wanting to receive any help.... which was just not going to work. She decided to just walk away while we were talking to her.
This is NEVER, EVER appropriate. It is disrespectful and NOT allowed! 

My tone changed from soft to "STOP NOW!"   And our daughter stopped and came back and sat down. 
I believe that if we were always using that tone, or if we were "yellers", she would have kept on going. 
My tone startled her, which was my intent.  I needed to quickly get her attention.
She said she was headed outside so she could be happy.  I let her know that going outside will not bring her happiness, because the discord in her heart goes with her outside.  And then, I waited to talk to her anymore, so she could take that in.
In the mean time, we went out and rescued the chicken from the dogs next door. (brave chicken) We will be clipping wings tonight.:)  We fixed a fence, and then rescued the goats who escaped from an unlocked fence.
Yes, our morning was eventful! LOL

I also, needed to become calm internally, so I spent some time praying while I was helping Erika finish up the morning dishes.  I always want the Lord to use my words to bring about LIFE and PURPOSE in my children. 

We were starting a little late due to the disrespect that had happened earlier, and Alli said, "Aren't we going to start? We are late!"  
I said, "We are late because of disrespect." "We will start when mom is ready, and I'm not ready quite yet." 
About 10 minutes later, I felt I was ready to lead our morning study. We always open with reading a chapter in the bible and talking about it.  They all enjoy this, and so do I.
But this a.m., I believe that God had me do something a little different.

I had listened to an old sermon from Richard Wurmbrand while I was walking on the tread mill.  I like to listen to sermons.  This one was called "The Faces of God". 
He talked about how one of his torturers while he was in prison, was an ex priest. He was now a secret police interrogator who was a ruthless man who tortured Christians.
He had the bible out and asked Richard, "Do you believe this?"
And Richard said, "Yes".
The man confessed to him that he had been a priest but was scared of the communists and saved his own life by joining them. 
His confession went on and on.  And then, Richard asked him, "Do you believe in God, in Jesus and that he died for sin?"  The man said, "Yes."
Richard then asked him, "Did he die for YOUR sin?"
He said, "No". 
And then Richard was able to share with him that Christ knows how awful our sin is, every sin, and He took them ALL upon himself WILLINGLY and gave his life for us. 
Your sin cannot be too great for God.   He is greater still.
And that man, that torturer, became a true believer at that time.

As I shared this story with my girls this a.m.  I looked at my Alli and all my girls, "Even back in Genesis, God said to Cain, "Sin crouches at the door, but YOU MUST MASTER OVER IT!" 
"Are we striving to master over our sin?  Are we truly struggling to overcome?"  "Or are we letting old habits creep in and take over?"

I asked each of my girls to find a different part of the house and go and spend about 10 minutes in prayer. 
When they came back, we finished up with praying for the countries on our clothing.

But I wasn't finished. I needed to use some instructive correction with Miss Alli.  I also felt that Alli needed to watch the video from yesterday that I had not shown her, and the one from today that nobody knew about. They were very similar.  At first she didn't want to, but I told her I wanted her to see, so she could truly understand what I was talking about.
She sat in my lap and watched herself. The camera does not lie. It was raw video, and she was appauled at how she sounded. 

Once again I reassured her that watching this video was not to embarrass her, but to help her to see what we are talking about.  She commented, "Mama, you were only trying to help me and I was so rude."  Yes, you were.  But I forgive you, and you need to forgive yourself.  And you ALSO need to STOP speaking in a disrespectful tone, and do it over in the RIGHT tone.

She immediately got up and said she had to go out to daddy and tell him how sorry she was.
Her sorrow was genuine, and I expect that she learned something valuable today. :)

(Just as a side note):  The use of a camera should NEVER be to humiliate.  It should be used sparingly, and as a teaching tool for both YOU and your child.  I learned something yesterday. Alli did not understand the difference between upset and angry.  She learned that today. :) 
I believe it is an excellent tool for parents to learn about what THEY are doing that can be changed.
The camera can be MISUSED, if it is being used to follow a child around and narrarate, similar to what happened on the 20/20 show I wrote about here. 
 

The Art of Discipline Part 7: What Does Correction Look Like

Alli has been home for 19 months.  I say often that she has come a LONG way.... But it is true! She HAS come  a LONG way!
We are continuing our efforts to learn how to use our tone of voice.  We have been doing really REALLY well, with a few little kinks now and then. 
Yesterday was one of those "kink" days.  And somebody was not in the mood to be corrected so early in the a.m. Soooo, instead of listening... she got defensive and said some things she shouldn't have said.  She talked back and she dug in..... 19 months ago, this would have turned into  a huge ordeal that went on for hours.  Today, it was resolved successfully in 30 minutes.
I quickly put on the camera with NOBODY knowing.... and just let it roll.  The reason is; many times she doesn't HEAR how she sounds.  She doesn't "get"it.  So trying to catch it is hard, and trying to explain it is harder! :)  Using video to see later, helps her to understand how she is sounding. 

I cracked up how everybody was acting so natural in the video.  Miss Alli was sitting right beside me. I told her she needed some mama time and then asked her.... "So what does scripture say?"  "Does it say Children be disobedient to your parents?"  Does it say children talk back to your parents when you disagree?"  "I wait for your answer while you calm yourself. "   She knows the answer quite well.

In the mean time, I made 3 videos so one wouldn't be so long.  I caught dancing, and playing and all sorts of things.....I tried to talk to her before she was ready and that did not work.  I am still learning that sometimes a few minutes to cool down works best.  Miss Alli was completely silent.  And then, she went from sitting next to me, to laying in my lap.  That is when I knew she was ready to listen.  I am going to post this video, because I want to show what gentle correction looks like.  

Our goal is always relationship.  Our goal is always a repentant heart.  I am really glad that I caught both of these on camera.  Miss Alli has given permission for me to play this.  I do not want to cause any of my girls embarrassment..... so I DO ask permission from them to use pictures or videos. I explained to her that I felt this one was important so others could see what we do.  And she agreed.

She really is a sweet heart. :) 

She was awesome for the rest of the day.  Fast forward to "Bright Lights"... The theme at bright lights was carrying the burden of sin.  There was a skit and then the discussion was about confessing when we do wrong so we don't bear our own burdens.  They discussed how it is refreshing in your heart when you confess your wrongs.

After dinner,  we were cleaning up and from the dining room, Alli said, "I want some ice cream!"
About 10 seconds later she came up to me and gave me a hug and said, "Mama, may I have some ice cream please?"  "I'm sorry I spoke in a demanding way."  I was so proud of her AND excited that she is really understanding!!!!

Food Difficulties

Today we had a pot luck at church.  The theme was "Mexican".... one of my FAVORITES! But I could not partake in most of what was served.  
Thankfully somebody brought raw carrots!  I had several of those!  I made tortilla chips, that are guaranteed gluten free/night shade free, and I had 4 of them, as I'm also not supposed to be having anything fried. UGH.....
My friend Laurie's daughter made gluten free (guaranteed) guacamole, and she shared some with me. :)
I was so thankful.  As I walked through the line though, I was happy inside that I am not having pain. It was really just NOT hard to not have the tamale, spanish rice, enchilada or Spanish rice.  When we came home, I had the rest of my sauteed saurkraut from last night, and a little tuna. :)

So thankful that I am doing well.  I woke with some pain this a.m., but I really think it was from working so hard yesterday at our rent house making screens.  That was hard on my wrists and knees and back, because I was getting up and down off of the ground, and pressing that cord thingy into the screen to make the material stay.

I panicked a little this a.m. when I woke up hurting. It was no way near what I have been used to in the past.... and it was gone by afternoon! YEA!

I sat down next to another friend at the potluck. Her name is Bonnie. I noticed she brought her own food.  She has many food allergies, and right now is on a liquid diet.   We had a great time talking while eating what we COULD eat. :)

I thank the Lord that I have found an answer to MOST of my pain.  It makes it easier to handle the diet.... and Miss Bonnie was very encouraging. "It is WAY better to be out of pain than to eat night shades!"  She is RIGHT!

Joy

Today our sweet Joy turned 86!  She was really excited about her birthday.  There just happened to be a pot luck after church, so I asked our deacon who was going to instruct everybody on how to go through the lines, if he could announce Joy's birthday and then lead us in singing Happy Birthday to her.  The delight on her face was so sweet.  :)

A Dissapointment and A Time to Learn.... :)

I FORGOT to tell the girlies, that we were going to spend Saturday at the rent house making new Screens!  Imagine thier delight when they found out that we were headed to another city, on thier school day off, and it was going to be a working day!
Two of them were ok, and two of them were abit, unhappy with the idea....

I apologized to them for not telling them ahead of time, but said, "We'll go to the library on the way!" 
Everybody cooperated, and we actually had a rather wonderful day!  We had fun making all those screens!  When the girlies weren't busy helping, they were playing cards.

We surprised them with Subway... a rare treat! 

All in all, it was a GREAT day! 

This got me to thinking about how to address disappointments in our children's lives, and how to handle them.  They are ALL going to face times of disappointment!  Kids with trauma backgrounds don't handle that so well...BUT... They can LEARN TO!

This a.m., when 2 of our girls were disappointed, I apologized that I had not given them fair warning, and told them I understood how they felt; but at the same time told them, all will be ok! This is something we need to get done for somebody else! We can make the best of it, or the worst of it!  And at that point, I made no apologies! Time to pull up the boot straps and focus! :)
They ALL chose to make the best of it! :)

One of the signs of healing and security, is when you find your child faced with a disappointment or a break in routine, and they handle it well. :)  I was thrilled to see each of the girlies jump on board and be part of the Minich Family Team! :)

And our renters were happy to have brand new screens to enjoy the Fall Weather! :)

Guess Who Has New Legs?? WHOOT!

Oh yes! She's a Happy Girl! :)  8 long months of fittings has turned into a nice new pair of legs! :)

 Early morning start. Erika worked on a thank you note for Dwight. (the guy who makes her legs)

 Walking into Texas Scottish Rite Hospital with her old legs...

 Trying on the new ones.

 A test stand...

 A test walk...

 I think she likes them!

ummm. This is Alli's interpretation of "The Statue of Liberty".... she is supposed to be putting dishes away. :)

The Art of Discipline Part 6: Reflections On Parenting The Wounded Child

"My child cannot trust."  "My child has RAD".   "My child has PTSD."
(Erika's picture from the lake)

The answer?  LOVE.
 This will make some angry.  WHY?  Because when you are in the process of helping a hurting child it is HARD.  You begin to second guess your decisions, your views, and if your child can really be helped.  And the challenge of changing our ideas of successful parenting can be very scary. 
But when I say the word LOVE.  I do not mean "loving intentions", "wanting to do a nice thing",  "Like".... I mean laying down your life LOVE.  AGAPE LOVE. Love that does not act unbecomingly towards another but always does what is best.  LOVE that DOES NOT FAIL and is NOT conditional. 
Some say that is impossible.  In Christ, ALL THINGS ARE POSSIBLE!  But we have to humble ourselves to learn a different way.

Our children have come from horrific circumstances at all different ages.  They each had to learn very, very basic things, like what a family is. They each had to learn that they were safe.  They each had to learn that mom and dad WILL NOT HURT them, EVER.
They had to learn that LOVE is something they have never known.... The kind of love that is real anyway.  The kind that keeps them safe, cares for them, does what is best for them, tucks them in , holds them, rocks them, feeds them, and CHERISHES THEM. They had to LEARN to accept being CHERISHED!  Why? Because not one of them felt worthy of love. 

So WHY do they NOW?  And they ALL DO.... 
LOVE!

Grace filled, love filled, parenting is a process....
 It is the process of laying ones life down for another.  It is the process of putting everything aside, to help that one lost little one.  It is the process of carefully, OH SO CAREFULLY and GENTLY introducing our children to family life, to truth, and exposing them to tender and loving correction, teaching them that they are precious even when they do wrong.  And it is the process of introducing them to the fate of mankind.  We live in a sinful and lost world.  But there is a savior.  "Let me tell you about Him." It is the process of teaching them to ask for forgiveness and to forgive! And this is VERY important, because there will be times where YOU must ask THEM for forgiveness. :)
It is also the process of teaching the children who are more secure, to lovingly and gently guide their sibling along the way, by example and in action.

If you are called to be the parent of a child who has faced great challenges, CONGRATULATIONS!
It is an honor that carries GREAT REWARD! :)

You will find out just how sinful your own heart is.  You will find that you can be terribly foolish by angrily asking your child to stop being angry. :)  You will find that your ONLY source of strength and hope comes from the Lord and HE will sustain you in times of great need.
You will find that your prayer life increases and that your focus is more directed.  You will find that when YOU make changes, and  YOU MODEL the behaviors you want to see in your children,  your children, no matter where they came from or how old they are, WILL respond.

It will not happen overnight. You will have steps forward and steps backwards.  I remember so well asking Miss Alli to trust me just a smidge.....:)  You will see behaviors change and then out of the blue go back 10 steps..... DON'T GIVE UP and DON'T FREAK OUT! 
Because when a child goes back.... they are about to LAUNCH FORWARD! This has been our experience MANY times!  Sometimes they just have to make sure you are still going to love them IF...

As I reflect back on the last 34 years of parenting, (as of October 17) and then the beginnings with Miss Anna and then Miss Sarah, and then Miss Erika, and especially the last 20 months with Miss Alli, who didn't come home until she was 11 years old after TWO FAILED adoptions and horrific circumstances in Russia.... I rejoice in God my Savior at the loveliness I see in each of my children.  I rejoice that I have been allowed to be a part of their lives and that in my flawed condition, God has seen fit to use Mike and I  together, as a team to help them produce the fruitful  fragrance of  LOVE.

 I stand in AWE at what the Lord can do.                                         (Erika's photo of Alli and Sarah)

A Time of Rejoicing

Tonight was our family worship night. Why am I rejoicing?  Well, let me tell you....:)
As each of our girlies shared their hearts, I listened to them talk about praying for those who don't know Jesus.  Our Anna shared a praise that a musician that she had been praying for had received Christ as Savior!  She said she prays for musicians that she comes across who's lyrics are not good. :)

Sarah said she wanted to get up early in the mornings and begin her days with prayer and worship on her own.  
That is music to my ears!

Alli and Erika both participated in our study time and prayer time.  They are all embracing their Christian walks in new and deeper ways.

I am in awe of what the Lord has done in their lives. And what he continues to do in MY life.
I am so blessed.

WOW......

An Erika Funny

Today during science we were reading aloud about Neurons.
Erika read aloud : "Do you think a single moron can carry information in both directions?" No.....
We all started laughing.... "It is  NEURON not MORON". LOL

An Anna Funny

Anna just asked me what pasteurized means. She noticed the orange juice was pasteurized.
I explained it to her and she said, "Oh, I thought it just meant that milk came from cows that live in pastures instead of barns; kind of like free range chicken."  LOL

Les Miserables

We watched the 25th anniversary edition of the musical tonight.  SO amazing!
We edit some of it out for the girlies, but what a wonderful musical overall.
This song always makes me cry.  Alfie is an AMAZING singer!

Sauteed Sauerkraut

I know many folks do NOT like sauerkraut. I didn't, because all I knew of it was that it was canned and tasteless.  What a terrible knock to real sauerkraut!

Since then, I have discovered REAL sauerkraut that is made well and NOT from a can!  Fresh sauerkraut isn't so tart it makes your mouth pucker.  Saute' it, and it is even better!

So here is my Saute'd Sauerkraut Recipe.

                                                             Sauteed Sauerkraut

1 cup of sauerkraut  preferably fresh not canned
1/4 cup slivered almonds
1/4 tsp dill weed
1 tsp fresh garlic minced
1/3 cup diced onion
fresh ground pepper to taste (black or white)
1 tsp unsalted butter or 1 tsp coconut oil

melt butter or heat coconut oil on hot skillet
add all ingredients and stir until sauerkraut gets a little wilted
(3-5 minutes) and flavors blend.

optional- top with a tsp of fresh bacon bits, or add 1/2 a diced apple

Minich Waldorf Salad

I am trying all sorts of new things. I remember having a Waldorf salad a long time ago at a hotel and I really liked it.  This is my attempt to make it for myself and it turned out great! 

                                                            Minich Waldorf Salad
1 stalk of celery diced
1 apple cored and diced (peel on) I used gala.
12 grapes of any kind, (seedless) I used red, for color.
1/3 cup diced white onion
1/2 tsp garlic
1/3 cup diced walnuts
2 TLB non fat plain yogurt
1 TLB  Hellman's (gluten free) Mayonaise
Freshly ground pepper to taste

(options if you are not vegetarian.... 1/3 cup diced chicken,  or 1/4 cup bacon bits)
( also, fresh, drained pineapple would be a wonderful addition)
Mix it all together and refrigerate.  The Longer you refrigerate the more the flavors blend together and it is TASTY! 
This will be on our Thanksgiving Day Table!

I am no longer missing coke or pizza on Friday night. :)