Can You Believe This?

I have never seen a kid better with animals, or a cat more willing to go back to babyhood than these two. :)

Eating at the Zoo

Zoo meals can be rather expensive, so we shared drinks.
Here is Sarah sharing with Erika, I think:

Our Zoo Trip

This trip, we took Vanya with us. I don't think he has ever been to a zoo. He was fascinated with everything we saw. He especially like the gorilla and the GIANT ANACONDA! We had a really great time. I am so thrilled to be a small part of Vanya's life, as are the girls. They all just love having him around and have each said they wish he were their big brother. :)

So, here are a few pictures from our day. :)

Vanya

We are having such a great time with a very sweet young man.
Today we attended church, where there are several folks who speak Russian. Vanya was quite surprised with all the familiar voices speaking to him in Russian. What a comfort that must be.

We were able to attend our friend's 80th birthday party and her son and daughter in law along with her grand daughter were visiting from Moscow! So Vanya had more conversations available today. I was so happy for him.

He is one sweetheart of a young man. I pray that the Lord will reveal himself to him in a very strong way and he will come to know his Heavenly Father. :)

BTW- He is great at putting together this jigsaw puzzle.

The 4th Grade Sunday School Family Party

We had a great time to day at the lake with our Sunday School class and the other set of teachers that work with 4th grade. The families were all invited to the Lake for a bbq and many of them came! It was great fun.

Here are a few pictures of our day.

Introducing Vanya

We have the priveledge of hosting a young man from Russia named Vanya. He is in the United States on a medical visa. He had surgery at Scottish Rite Hospital for Children about 4 weeks ago. He is healing and getting fitted for a new prosthetic leg before heading back to Russia where he lives in an Orphanage.

He is a very sweet young man and is trying his best to learn a little English. So far, we smile and have found that he is great at playing basketball. :) He will be stying with us for about a week before going on to visit another family.

Our Dad Ed

is the very best of dads. He is also the best of grampas. He has been having some issues with health, and this last one is a bit of a doozy. It appears there is something going on with his brain. There is always something going on with his brain, but this is not in his control. It seems that there is a growth effecting his speech and face. He is going to be having surgery next Wednesday to find out what it is.

Please keep him in your prayers.

And in true Ed form, he decided to join bloggy world to keep us all updated on what is happening. He always thinks of others before himself. Stop by and see it and leave an encouraging word. He will love it.

http://oakiegrandfather.blogspot.com/

I will proudly put Dad on my sidebar. :)

Kid Day

Yesterday we celebrated Kid Day. We decided there are so many dates to keep up with that July 15th every year is a celebration day of family. Unfortunately, this year we did not get to go swimming or to the lake. Anna head was attracted to the bunk bed on Wednesday night, so she can't swim for about 10 days. She has a neat little cut just above her right eyebrow. :)
Here she is with Miss Kittie Winkle.


Instead of swimming, the kids picked "The Parent Trap" to watch. We had popcorn and then a slumber party in our room.

5:30 a.m. for walking time came early. But.... Erika did my hair, so I was good to go when I woke up. She is learning how to do different kinds of braids. This is a herringbone braid.


Today Marcus, Ivy and Charlie go home from the hospital and the Minichs start the adventure of family life with a 2 year old and a new born. I know they will do just great. Big brother and small brother are thriving. Ivy says Charlie is eating well. :)

Today Sarah and I make the trek to the hospital for hand clinic. It is just a follow up visit, so we plan to make the best of our time together. :)
Sarah is reading her 19th Mandy book in 2 months. She loves Mandy books. :)

Anna is reading Gilbert Moore books. She just finished "The fiery Ring". She loves historical period books.

Erika is reading a dog book called Dragon, and just can't keep her eyes away from Hank the Cow Dog. :)

They have been busy putting on plays and skits with their animals, and Miss Kittie Winkle is a continuous source of humorous entertainment around here. She is a great cicatta hunter and we expect she'll be a fabulous mouser too. :)
When we walk out of the house she pounces on our feet. It really is quite funny. Mike said she is the happiest kitten he has ever seen. He has even taken to holding her here and there. I knew he was a softy towards her. :)


I have taken back to writing, and will be setting up a new web page specifically for my BCLC stuff. :)

We are having a great summer so far, and it is going to get really fun when our son, daughter in law and our 2 grand daughters Katie and Lillian come to stay with us for a few weeks, while they look for a new place to live. We need to get our other house sold, and it will be easier to sell and get ready if they come and visit us for a while.

The more the merrier. :) Extra kids for skits and plays. :)

Introducing Charles David Minich

Weighing in at 8 lbs. 14.7 oz's. AFTER taking an enormous pee all over the nurse and all her paperwork. :)

We spent the day at the hospital with extended family awaiting the wonderful arrival of Charles. He is affectionately named after Ivy's dad, Charlie, who seemed to be the only fellow there who didn't know what the name was going to be. He was delighted and honored to find out that is was a big surprise. Ivy gave a very sweet message to her daddy honoring him. It was really touching.

July Funnies

Sarah said,

"I can't wait till this grows up to be a blanket!"

Sunday Fun

Daddy and Sarah are at it again. This is their 4th game of Chess. We watched "Searching for Bobby Fischer" this afternoon. They have "chess" on the brain. :)
Sarah decided she needed help and pulled out this handy book. :)




Sarah decided she needed help and pulled out this handy book. :)


So far it is Daddy 3 games
Sarah 1 game.

Somehow, I think she does better without the book. :)

Anna thought she'd try her hand at beating daddy..... hmmmm....

Daddy looked a little worried....

In the end, Anna was a very good sport. :)


My turn... DANG! I think we need to get rid of that book!

This is what Sarah looked like when I said it was BEDTIME! :)

Some More BCLC Examples

I have been working on practical examples for those who have trouble understanding the BCLC paradigm. It is really simple, but it takes a shift in thinking.

Heather Forbes calls it shifting from "Fear Based Parenting" to "Love Based Parenting".
For some who hear that, they think, "I'm not making my child afraid; and are you saying I don't love my kids?"
Of course she isn't saying that.

When I first read about BCLC the title: "Love Based Parenting", attracted me because I want to be a love based parent. It didn't make me think I wasn't.

There are many successful ways to parent kids that work, there is no question about that. BUT... when you are dealing with a child who has a trauma and neglect background,
many of those traditional methods do not work and can even cause more trauma.

BCLC was designed for Special Kids, but can work for all kids.

Many people I have talked to think that this method lets a kid get away with anything, there are no rules or limits and the kid rules the roost. That could not be further from the truth.

Love Hopes all things, believes all things, endures all things and it never fails.
(1 Corinthians) end of chapter... beginning of 14

So if I am hoping, believing and enduring, there is no Fear in that. Perfect Love Casts out FEAR!

Here is an example:

Lets say a child who has experienced internal turmoil over circumstances in their life,begins to act out in ways that are unacceptable.

Typically the parent is going to have all sorts of fears regarding this child's future. The parent starts confessing, this child has no conscience, this child is bad.
This child needs severe consequences to straighten them up and make them fly right!
The child is grounded, with loss of freedoms. It is a punishment to teach a lesson, and it stings. This may work for a well rounded child, or not. The child will most certainly feel shame, and possibly anger and hurt. They may not feel anything and just wait out their sentence, hoping they do it better next time and don't get caught.
This puts the parent at odds with the child. Instead of coming along side, we draw a line and demand the child not cross it.

A simple paradigm shift can make things very different.

The same exact thing happens. The parent instead of being fearful, recognizes that their child needs loving supportive instruction. Instead of getting angry and throwing out "consequences", the parent in a calm state takes the child near and says, " we need to talk about what happened". "You aren't making wise decisions, and that tells me that I need to help you along some. So for a while, I'm going to keep you close by and that way you won't be distracted. You may need to make sure your child is calm before this discussion, but they will get there.

It builds the child's trust that you have forgiven them, you have recognized their need for guidance, AND you begin to guide them in a tender and loving manner. And humor goes a long way!

"Come and cook dinner with me", "What would you like to make", "Hey son, lets get your bike fixed together". The child's shame is replaced with unconditional love and therefore their fear is removed.
Many kids fear that if they have done something wrong, they will be abandoned, or left, because that is exactly what happened to them. They were abandoned.That is why it is so important to hold them close in a loving manner when they have acted out. Some act out because they are so afraid to feel love, thinking it will end. So they mis behave just to reject before they can be rejected again. They cannot handle that kind of pain.

If you can get through that barrier through patience, kindness, wisdom, love, charity, gentleness and self control; the child's response will be AMAZINGLY strong and positive.

You will have opened them to a whole new world, where you can THEN, teach them to handle more and more in regards to how others treat them within society. They won't be so afraid or angry. It will take time, but it is a direction and a process. If we can remember that raising children is a LONG process with ups and downs, it takes much of the fear out of it.

I remember several years ago when we first had our Anna. She would have a wonderful time with something we did, and then on the way home have a fit saying "I had a terrible time, I hated my time, I don't like those people.... etc. We were very puzzled at first and I would say, "I saw you having a good time." WRONG>..... LOL
It would just make her pull away more. I even said, "well I guess we won't have fun then." WRONG WRONG! That just made her mad.

But when we figured out what was going on (she was afraid she wouldn't have a good time again, things never lasted in her life) we simply said, "we had a great time too.
When we got home we would head straight for the rocking chair and rock her saying, "we will have a good time again, it is ok. It will happen again.
The change in her was amazing. A little repentant heart that said, "Mommy, I'm sorry, I really did have a good time. "
And then we'd say, " We know, we did too." We would pray with her, or for her and it was over. Next day, we might say, before we go have some fun, remember, we will be able to do it again, mom loves you, you are safe. And eventually those behaviors stopped. It took a while, but they stopped.

Children are not adults. They are children. They think like children. Many times we try to reason with a child, like we would talk to an adult. As they grow older, and become more self regulated, with more internal control; which is the goal for all parents to achieve, (kids with self control and good sense) that might be possible, but children who come with baggage, need us to help them and sometimes demonstrate to them what we are trying to convey, with much humor, love, acceptance and coming along side.

I think BCLC keeps you on the same side without that dividing line, and give you a rope and a flashlight to guide your child to the right side. :)

A load of prayer helps too. :)

Relationship, Relationship, RELATIONSHIP

I was thinking about my week last week,about marriage, Christianity, raising boys, raising girls, daughter's in law, grand kids, maintaining friendships;just basic human contact which requires communication and relating.

Every single one of those categories, require "relationship". If I use the example of Christianity in my life to be my guide; God sought me out, I responded to Him, he turned me around, brings RELATIONSHIP, and continues to nurture and cause me to grow.

If I in turn do the same, learning from the example of Christ, the word RELATIONSHIP continues to blare in front of all other things.

I cannot successfully be married without a good relationship with my husband, interacting, finding things I like about him, listening to him, and doing things that please him and make him happy.

When I have a friendship, I want to be pleasant, kind, loving, giving. I enjoy the company of the one I am friend's with.

As I raise my children, I don't want a dictatorship, I want a relationship. Our relationships with our kids need to be reciprocol, just as our relationship with Christ is reciprocol.
"If you love me you will keep my commandments". This is very true. It can be read with a voice of trepidation, or it can be read with a soft loving tone.... I have heard it said, "because we love him, we WANT to keep His commandments".

In raising our kids, we find them in relationship, and therefore WANTING to obey and please us because they are returning that love.

Relationship, relationship RELATIONSHIP!

The First Funny for July

Daddy and I were talking politics. Anna piped up and said, "Daddy, you should be a politician, I can't understand a thing you are saying but you sure do sound good! :)

Unconditional....

I was talking with a friend today about the training seminar I went to last week. My brain has been locked tight with loads of information floating around in there looking for the proper filing folder to jump into. Once it is all filed away, I can open the drawers to get share what I have learned, or what has been confirmed in my heart. I think it is finally starting to happen. :)

I went to Colorado the last weekend of June to the Beyond Consequences Logic and Control Advanced Training Seminar, with Heather Forbes and Eric Guy. I am now a Certified BCLC trainer. :) Yea.

I wanted to say how very much I enjoyed the training, meeting new people and having a few things confirmed in my heart.

When I was there, the words that were swirling around were "unconditional love". You can't go wrong with love. etc. That is so very true. But what I have found, is that many parents so very much LOVE their children, but still have a very difficult time parenting them.

As I was talking with my ever so wise friend today, she said something very profound.
Unconditional love yes, but also what is needed is "unconditional focus".

That is such a valuable statement. That unconditional focus and commitment to see our children through to success is what it takes to be a successful parent!

When our children need us, we do need to focus our attention on them. That whole thing came out in the seminar. For years people have been saying, "if your child is trying to get attention, ignore them, or focus on the one who is behaving well."

In BCLC, they say, if a child is acting out for attention, they NEED attention, and by giving them what they NEED, the acting out will stop.

I have found with our own girls, that focusing on their needs and responding with love has made all the difference in the world for them.

I was reading a cyber-friend's blog yesterday, and she was modeling exactly what I am writing about here. If your child needs you, your focus should be on them. It is hard sometimes, as we have to put ourselves and our desires aside. We may want to be doing something different, but our job is to bring our children to a place of love and acceptance and set them on a firm foundation. We cannot do that if we do not provide for their very basic needs of attention, acceptance and love.

I was thinking back about how much we had to Focus on Anna when she first came. Our days were filled with focused love towards her, teaching her, keeping her world very small, and guiding her into a new life. If we had not concentrated and focused on her needs, I'm not sure where we would be today. The same went for Sarah and Erika. Each child's needs were the same ; the need to be loved and accepted. But the way to get there was different, as no one person is the same, but quite individual.
That is how God made it to be. He doesn't send instruction manuals bound to the foot of each baby born into this world, but He did give us general instructions to follow in His word. He wants us to be dependent upon Him in prayer and seek out wisdom and understanding.

I think my good friend had it right. Unconditional Focus, is very important. You cannot do a 1/2 job when it comes to children, especially children with special needs.

As my mental filing cabinet gets settled and organized, I'll post more about the conference.

BTW- I stayed at the Denver Sheratan West and it was a REALLY nice hotel.

When Mom's Away The Girlies Will Play

with the camera. :)

I left on a week ago last Thursday to go to Colorado for special training which I will blog about later. The girlies stayed home with daddy, and had a great time. Anna was especially sad that I was leaving, because when I came back, I only had 1 day before leaving again for camp with Erika. She just didn't think she could be without me that long. I knew she could do it. :) We all talked on the phone each day and discussed what our days events were and that made the time go by faster.

When I got to Colorado, there was a sweet little note that had been secretly slipped into my luggage. It was from my Anna.


"Dear Mom,
I love you SO MUCH! I am going to miss you, but I will be ok. Don't forget to call me before I go to bed"
your friend,
Anna."

I was really touched by her saying, "I'm going to be ok". She wrote that to reassure me so I could relax while I was gone. Isn't that the sweetest?

Soooo, here are the pictures they took while I was retreating in Colorado. :)

Camp

Erika, Brittany and John. Mr. John to Erika. :)

We had a wonderful time at camp. I could kick myself for not getting more pictures. Brittany is Erika's friend that she really looks forward to seeing. John, used to make legs for Erika until he moved away. But camp is one of those special places you just can't get away from, so he showed up for a special visit. The girls loved seeing him.

This year, the kids divided up between boys and girls and did activities in groups. One of the really neat ones that we haven't done before was balancing the beam. It is a big log on a hinge and the kids walk on it and try to get it perfectly balanced. This takes a lot of volunteers to help because the kids have various needs, missing limbs or limb differences. They did a great job.

We had a cook from Louisiana who did a fanstastic job. I was able to eat grits in the morning as he was a "grit guy". :)

Erika made some new friends and got re aquainted with old friends. Overall it was a wonderful week. The slide show was great too. I'm going to try and get some pictures from there to put on the blog.

We had a GREAT time dancing, playing games and interacting with a lot of really special families. It is a place where limb difference is normal and nobody thinks anything about a bunch of legs piled around the pool while the kids swim.

Scottish Rite Hospital has been such a blessing in our lives. There are links on my side bar for Scottish Rite Hosptial and for Peaceable Kingdom Retreat for Children.
I cannot say enough about these organizations and the WONDERFUL people who make our lives so rich with love. They really help make our lives easier, when circumstances could have made them nearly impossible to navigate.

THANK YOU FROM THE BOTTOM OF OUR HEARTS!

Both Scottish Rite Hospital and Peaceable Kingdom are 5013c organizations and donations are tax deductible.

Erika talking to Daddy on the phone.

MUST SEE!

This video is amazing.

I am going to be gone from bloggy world for about 2 weeks. I couldn't be happier than to leave this link for you to listen to.

It truly touched my heart.

Don't forget to watch both segments.

Ivy and Will Came To Visit

We had a great time today visiting with Ivy and Will while the girlies were at VBS.
Will is TALKING up a storm! It is so fun seeing him grow up. He is darling. He is the sweetest little guy and so well behaved. He had fun visiting the cat, finding a shovel to dig, picking blackberries that he crammed into his mouth as fast as possible, and playing music on the harp. He played on the swing, the teeter totter, and visited Gramps in the shoppe. I'm so glad Ivy and I could visit. Let me tell you, she is one great mom. I am so proud of her and Marcus. Can't wait to meet Will's brother. :)
JULY isn't that far away! :)

Happy Father's Day Daddy

Gramps with Mr. Will

happy Fathers day dad. anna


Happy Fathers day Dad, I love you,
and wish you many Happy days.
LOVE Erika.



Happy Fathers Day Dad(pa), I LOVE you.
I hope you get to watch your favorite
movie: Roninish!!:):) Your Princess Sarah


Happy Father's Day to one of the Best Daddy Dudes in the WORLD!

We love you!
mommy