This And That :)

Tomorrow is the The Big Bookfair in Arlington Texas. Yea! We love going and seeing old friends, finding new curriculum, fun books and spending time just browsing. There is always something fun to see and a friend to talk to.

This A.M., Erika took her purse out of her desk and it sounded like a waterfall of marbles falling all over the floor. It was actually pennies. She is a collector of money. (good girl) I told her, "Take a deep breath!" She then said, "Whoever stuffed my purse into my desk, please don't do that again!" To which, Anna said, "yes maam.!"LOL

This is what happens when I go to the Grocery Store and Daddy is watching the girls.



Miss Kittie Winkle is doing Fantastic. She is starting to walk on all fours without that funny army crawl look. She is definitely cutting teeth and growing claws. She has graduated from the eye dropper to a Newborn Nuk nipple. Boy, when she gets that thing going, she is so funny. Her tummy gets fat she lays back and purrs. LOL She drank 1 and a half oz's. this a.m.!



Sarah says kitty peed on her and that makes her an official mother!



We found some great clothing deals at Kohl's for the girls. I really need to look and see what they have for me too. :) I can't believe how big they are getting. I can't believe how big I am getting! I gotta stop that!


Anna was combing the sale pages this a.m. She is looking for a locket.
They are all growing up! :)

Beyond Consequences Logic and Control

A nice person has asked that I label posts having to do with BCLC parenting methods with BCLC. I promise to try. :) Most of the parenting posts or attachment type posts or even adoption posts have to do with this type of thinking. But I will go back and try to label as I go. :)

Thanks for the suggestion.

Perfect Love Casts Out Fear

I was reading this morning in 1 John. I just don't read that book enough. But today it stood out so clearly to me. Ever have those moments where you can read something several times, and then all of a sudden a light goes off and there is clear understanding?

In reading 1John 4:7-19. I was actually reading all of it, but this one part really caused me to pause and think.

It starts out with "beloved, let us love one another"....

Then in verse 16, "And we have come to know, and have believed the love which God has for us. God is love and the one who abides in love abides in God and God abides in him.

The part: "And we have come to know" stood out. How have we come to know? Through our relationship in Christ. He drew us close to himself and lavished his love on us, and we have come to know it.

In 1John 4:10 it says, In this is love, NOT that we loved GOD, but that He loved us and sent His son...."; and then 1John 4:19 says, "We love, because He first loved us."

Romans 5:8 says, "God DEMONSTRAES his love to us, in that while we were yet sinners, Christ died for us."

Is anybody seeing a pattern here? A model if you will for parenting our children?

If we are to follow Christ's example to us in our parenting, there will not be fear, because perfect love casts out fear. Our love for our children will make them feel safe and secure.
We will not cause them to question our love for them, but we will demonstrate our love to them. Even when they are not responding to us, or are so fearful they are acting out... we continue to demonstrate that unconditional love to them, and as they learn to ABIDE in our love, and come to know and trust us, they will then no longer act in fear of punishment, or fear of being cast out, but they will respond in a new and perfected way. They will respond in recriprocal love.

Of course, we are not perfect and therefore do not parent perfectly. However, I believe we can seek the fruits of the Spirit in our lives, praying for wisdom and direction, and God will grant that to us.
While God has no need to apologize to us, as He is perfect, there are probably many times we need to apologize to our children. :) I know some of the sweetest times I have with my kids is after I have not responded perfectly, and I ask them to forgive me. This gives them opportunity to show unconditional love to me in a reciprocal fashion, and helps them learn to forgive.

I am so Glad that God Loved me, before I loved Him. I am so glad that I have His words to abide in. I am so GLAD we have access to the scripture, for study, for reproof, for instruction. What a treasure it is.

Ahhh Saturday!

There is something about Saturday morning that is always just nice! Every Friday night the girlies have a slumber party in our bedroom. We get our bed,they get cots and the lounge chair. It is cozy.

When Saturday Morning rolls around there is no pressure to get up early... but I typically look at Mike and say, "coffee, STRONG coffee!" :)

This morning, we woke up to baby kitty meowing loudly wanting her morning meal. It is amazing how a kitty that weighs less than a pound could wake 5 people up, but she did.
Such Feline Power!

Sarah really enjoyed holding her.


Don't they look happy together? :)

After kitty went back to sleep, we had our coffee and played more Backgammon.
Sarah is a food artist. She made this for her breakfast. Yum....
If I ate veges for breakfast, I might be able to be thin too!

Studying Rocks

Part of our science lesson this week was studying different kinds of rocks.
I love the girlies science book. Abeka does a great job with explaining science to kids. It isn't too hard, and it isn't too easy.
There are also loads of neat pictures.

Did you know the "White Cliffs of Dover" are made out of layers of Chalk?

Our lesson was fun. We were able to hold some different kinds of rocks and try to identify them. We discovered our own chalkboard is not real slate.
(Our old one was true slate and WONDERFUL)
I had some VERY OLD Sand Dollars too, just so they could see how things form with pressure..... note VERY OLD...... with words of Be Careful when you handle them.

So, here are some pictures of the kids looking at rocks....


This is Sarah after she "carefully broke" one of the sand dollars... oh well. :)





On a side note, it really made me feel old when Sarah referred to "metamorphic rock" as "metamucil rock".

"Sorry mom"....

And then, when I said, "Don't be silly sticking out your tongue,

it wastes film." To which they said, "What is film?" I explained it and Erika kindly said, "Well, maybe not film but it certainly will waste batteries!" Thanks Erika. You are a dear. :)

Miss Kittie-Winkle

She is doing great. Once we figured out an eyedropper works better than a bottle, she is drinking away. Thanks Jeane. :)

Her official name is Julia, though I rather prefer Miss Kittie-Winkle. But, we voted and Julia it is. :)

She is much more rambuncious than she was 2 days ago. The girls couldn't be happier about that. :)

An Amazing Find!

The girls were cleaning leaves out of the boat. They pulled one of the seats up and thought they saw a baby wild animal. She is wild alright, but she is a baby kitten.
Maybe about 2 weeks old. We don't know how she got in the boat under the seat and immediately began to search for other kittens but there were none.

So, she is being mothered to death by 3 very eager kitty mommies. They are going to vote on a name once we are sure she is going to live. She sure doesn't like the kitten bottle, or the nuk bottle. But she is eating a little bit. Maybe a teaspoon at a time.

I remember raising our dobeman puppies, and I'm glad there is only 1 to feed this time.:)

All the girls immediatly were sad that she was orphaned and didn't have a mommy. But they are confident they can make her happy and secure. :)

4 years with Sarah Part 2

4 Years With Our Sarah

It was 4 years ago when we were first introduced to the concept of "Adoption Disruption". I had never heard of it before. Our friend sent an Email to us that had our social worker's name on it. It was an APB that a little girl needed a home and fast!

Anna had been praying for a sister for about 6 months. We had told her, "If God drops a sister in your lap you'll get one."

Was this email the lap drop?

I showed it to Mike, and we talked about it abit. Then, we got serious. Our social worker was very excited that we were interested. All we knew, was that she was 5, soon to be six. She was from Ukraine. She was missing a leg and fingers, and the family disrupting, could not keep her. We didn't know why, all we knew was that something very special was about to happen.

5 days later.....

We had another little girl. A bundle of energy, and a HUGE blessing to our family from teh Lord. I look back on that experience with disbelief. It was so fast and so special.
We actually picked Sarah up from McDonalds. We call her our "special kids meal".
"We'll have a little girl, bag of fries and a coke to go please." :)

Sarah as been such a delight to us since the day she arrived. I am amazed at what a wonderful, beautiful young lady she is turning into. She loves the Lord, she is a great sister and wonderful daughter. Nobody could ask for anything more. :)

For those who do not know what Adoption Disruption is:

It is when a family adopts a child, and then decides that they cannot continue to be parents to the child. In Sarah's case, the family contacted their agency, who then tried to help them find a family. There are many ways disruption takes place and there are many reasons for it. Once thing I do want to stress however, is that when disruption occurs, it does not mean that there is something wrong with the child. Sometimes, for unknown reasons, things just don't work. In Sarah's case, all we know is that was are so very blessed.

Along with Sarah, came a whole bunch of other people into our lives, including Erika, Sarah's best friend, Papa Dima, who found Sarah is a TB Sanitarium when she was about 18 months old, and Hal Tait, who held Sarah before we did, and she stole his heart, just like she stole ours.

Here are some of our favorite pictures of her.

The Tweenies

The Tweenies have hit our house like a force!
The girls are turning into ladies before our very eyes! They are maturing in mind and body and we are just in awe at God's wonderful grace in their lives.

The other day, Anna asked to have a mom daughter talk. I love those times with her.
She is sweet and sensitive. She brought the picture frame to me with the 2 pictures of her and her birth mom. The frame had broken and had a crack in it. She asked if we could get a new frame for it.

"Of course we can!" And we did. We went yesterday to get that frame. But before we did, I could see there were questions ready to come. Those hard questions to which there is no answer. The ones that cause pain and tears, and the ones I weep with her over.

"Why did she not keep me?"
"Why did everybody think I was bad?"
"Why did she use drugs?"
"Why did she not give me something to remember her?"

Those questions are so heartbreaking and so hard to answer. I don't know the answer.
I only know that God allowed Anna to go through some difficult times, and also allowed her to come to us and has immensely blessed our home with her presence. Because of her we have Sarah and Erika. Because of her, we have the life we have now. Because of that simple question she asked long ago... "Will you be my mommy?"

When these times come, my heart is ripped out. I am torn, because I want to know too!
WHY DIDN'T she care for you? WHY did she take drugs? WHY?

There are no answers.

But my favorite part is : GOD, in His soverign love for us has touched our hearts, her heart and we are a family in every since of the word.

At the same time she was asking these questions, she was wrapped in my favorite robe and holding on to me, saying, "I love you mommy."

It must be quite strange sometimes, during these confusing times, to be in two worlds.
The world that was and the world that is.

But in a sense, as believers, we are all that way. We live in a world that was, a reality that we were dead in sin and corruption. Yet, we are ALIVE in Christ, through adoption as sons in Christ Jesus!

Though we are very aware of our past, and many times it overshadows our present, we are ALIVE in Christ, and we have NEW LIFE, CHANGED LIFE, and we can live triumphant in HIM.

Anna is very aware that she is loved and cared for. She loves being in the family and has a strong sense of belonging. I strongly believe this will get her through the difficult times as she ponders her past and looks forward to her future.

I just love her to pieces. She is such a gift.

A BUSY WEEKEND!

Timothy, Emily and Kellar came over, starting our Friday night at the movies weekend.
We enjoyed our visit with them.




On Saturday, we had a huge work day. The girlies got their room cleaned out, and we have much to give away. I took a few bags of clothing from all of us to the local charity, and then we started on the infamous goat barn.

Since I broke my foot, I have not kept up with kids doing chores as I should, and boy am I paying for that now. It took us 2 days to finish the goat barn. It was awful!

But now, it smells like sweet hay. I sort of hate to let the goats back in there.

While the girls were cleaning they took a break and played with the babies. Or were the babies playing with them? :)


It was a very productive weekend, and I am ready to go to sleep at 9:00! LOL

An Amish Proverb

Preside over those in your charge with kindness and meekness,
rather than subject them to fear and terror.
An oppressor does not rule long.

ERIKA AMERICA!

This is a special week. It is Erika's Third Anniversary being home. In Fact, if memory serves me right. Today is that day.

It was such a special home coming, for us. When we first came home, somebody asked her to say something in Russian and she said, "Erika America!" That was one of her first English phrases.

She has really grown up from that tiny little girl we met in the orphanage who was so afraid. She is so bright and vibrant and confident.

Erika truly represents America!

We Have Math Issues Mother!

We are working on finding the common denominator in fractions so we can add and subtract them.

I have been teaching them how to factor, find the common number and then how to convert the numerator. OH MY! You would think I had asked for their first born goats for sacrifice the way they were looking!

I had my back turned, happily explaining away and when I turned around, you should have seen the expressions! I tried to get them to recreate them but there was no way. We came close but Sarah said she just couldn't. "Mommy, I'm just too happy. :P

Paragraphs

The Goat Barn

The goat barn is pretty on the outside, not the inside!
The inside of the goat barn is STINKY! There is hay with lots
of poop on it, and lots of food everywhere. The chickens have nests
where they lay their eggs. They try to hide them, but it is easy to find them.
In the dark, I can't see very well unless I bring a flashlight. The goats go
to sleep in the barn at night time.

Sarah



The Kitchen

The kitchen is my favorite place because that is where we keep food!
Food is my favorite thing. In our refrigerator we have lettuce, cucumbers
and strawberries. I love our kitchen.

Anna



And here is Erika's. It was stapled on the office wall, so we took a picture of it. :)

Apology

I'm sorry to my readers. I felt compelled to go private. Knee jerk reaction.
After talking to my precious husband, we decided for those who read, and are encouraged, it is best to keep it open. That is why I write. To encourage.


Thanks for reading. :)

Thy Rod and Thy Staff They Comfort Me.....

I apologize to my readers for this being so long.. :)

Does anybody recognize where that comes from? It is part of the 23rd Psalm. David is using his experience as a shepherd to describe his relationship with God.

The words that came to life for me were "Thy Rod and Thy Staff, They Comfort me..."

Traditionally, when I hear the word rod being taught about, it is mostly talked about as a stick used to strike a person, typically a child who is unruly. I have heard sermon after sermon describing what parents should do TO unruly children. It usually is a "lay down the law" type speech, with "of course this is the loving thing to do". They will also justify
what they think by criticizing those who choose not to spank,or even use spanking as an absolute last resort, of not following scripture and they go on to say,that is what is wrong with society. blah blah blah..... However, you can go into any prison in America, and most of those prisoners have been abused PHYSICALLY.

In a recent sermon I heard a man describe having a large paddle with holes drilled in it. I have NEVER EVER read a scripture that says to drill a hole in a board to make the skin on a child's rear end get sucked into it when you strike them so that it will hurt more! EVER! I found this to be very discouraging and found it to be a sick distortion of scripture.

Those who advocate this will also say, "We are all sitting here, we all survived our parent's use of the rod..., we all lived..." Hmmmm..... well, gee I wonder why we have so many messed up people in the Church? Why do we have "Christian Counseling Services in every state and city in the country? If everybody "survived so well", does that mean it was OK? If somebody survives a robbery, and is living a productive life, does that mean the robber didn't harm them? If somebody survives severe child abuse, and is living a productive life, does that mean it wasn't such a big deal?
I'm sorry, but that is a very twisted way to think.

Does that sound comforting at all?


I'm not at all an indulgent parent who lets kids run amuck without proper instruction.
So, the good thing, is that the sermon I heard recently sent me to my knees and also to the Word of God. And let me clarify, I do not think the man who gave the sermon is a hard hearted child abuser. I know he is not. In fact, I find him to be a rather merciful and tenderhearted man..... but "societal tradition" ......

Many people will use a pet set of scriptures to justify striking children. They say the word "ROD" is a literal instrument and there are even books written to describe what it is and what it looks like. I personally believe that the word Rod can be both metaphorical and real.
There is no question that a rod was an instrument used to hit. So if you wish to take every scripture with the word ROD in it literally as an implement of destruction, then consider this:

In looking at the USE of ROD as with a shepherd. IT WAS NEVER USED TO HIT THE SHEEP! It was used as a defensive weapon to get rid of outside predators that would HARM the sheep.
On the other hand the staff, which was like a modern day cane, but a little longer, was used to GENTLY guide the sheep and keep them on the path. They would easily be hooked around the neck to get them back where they belonged. There were no fences to keep them in, and they needed to stay close to the shepherd in order to be SAFE.

If you take the famous proverbs verse:
Proverbs 13:24- Whoever spares the rod hates his son, but he who loves him is diligent to discipline him.
Placed in context of the Shepherd.... that makes TOTAL Sense. If a parent does not PROTECT his son from enemies, intruders, foes, wolves in sheeps clothing, but allows all those things in to lead him astray, that parent is not using the Rod and hates his son, because he doesn't care that he is being led astray. He has not protected his son.
A loving parent is diligent to discipline their child. YES.. to disciple, to guide, to instruct and to teach them of the harms that can surround them. To discipline them to stay away from TROUBLE and SIN..... INSTRUCT.... not attack! We don't attack the child with a rod, we discipline and guide the child with the staff of instruction.

In modern times, because we are so far removed from Shepherding... we don't understand many of the metaphors in scripture. AND NO I do not believe we should have a literal staff to hook our children around the neck if they were to run into traffic.

I dare to say, if you own sheep or goats as we do... if we were to use a rod to club them, they wouldn't want to stay around. There are times we have to use a staff, to hold them at bay or keep them from getting themselves into trouble, and a fence is a very large square staff if you will. :)

I personally know many families who were diligent to use the ROD on their children.
Not many of those children are serving the Lord today. They are estranged from their parents, and estranged from the Church. They are bitter and angry, and sadly, their parents are broken hearted, because they THOUGHT they were doing what was required of them. They THOUGHT they were right. How very sad.

In our society today, we use the "Rod" verses to justify striking small children.
I have read books that MANY people LOVE and consider close to scripture, not even caring that he person who wrote them was a Psychologist who says, spank from very young to 5 years old, after that it is just too late....?????? That a child's personality is formed by the time they are 5! BULL PUCKY FEATHERS!

WHERE IS THAT IN SCRIPTURE???!

I'd like to know how do you "tenderly raise a child" as scripture says to do, and justify boards with holes drilled in them?

I actually KNOW somebody who came up to me before we adopted when they found out we were going to adopt and said, "HOW CAN YOU ADOPT< YOU WON"T BE ABLE TO SPANK!"
As if that were the criteria used to decide if you would obey SCRIPTURE that says to care for Widows and Orphans!
I'm sorry, but to this day, that is one of the most chilling, sad, conversations I have ever had with somebody. It was a SHORT conversation. :)

I think everybody can agree that the word Rod is sometimes used as a metaphor, and sometimes used as a literal instrument.....
It is the application of the Rod I am going to start concentrating on....
From what I can see, CLEARLY in scripture, it is used to defend the sheep from intruders and predators, NOT to beat the sheep.
It is also used on the back of the slave to bring them into submission, but our children are not slaves, nor do we keep slaves today.
The author of "Heart Felt Discipline"stated....
In three of the four passages, the child is a naar (the fourth
is also by context), which in Hebrew means a young man (age 16-20). Young
children are not in view in any of the rod passages. In fact, the words used
for young children in Hebrew are always associated with innocence and the
need for protection. I would argue that there are no young children in
Proverbs.
Clay Clarkson is working on a new book and I cannot wait for it to come out.
His other book Heartfelt Discipline is still available but hard to find as it is out of print.
Another author speaks of the Rod in Proverbs 22:15 as being "clearly metaphor".
"Foolishness is bound up in the heart of a child but the rod of correction shall drive it out. The author states, "The rod OF correction, means that it IS correction. The correction is like the "long arm of the law". Is the law an arm? No. Is correction literally a rod? NO.

In reading the old testament, there are all sorts of "laws, beatings, stoneings, severe punishments etc. Why do we hold to the rod scriptures as for today, and the beating, stoning and harsh law scriptures as NOT for today?

The Word Shebet, is a word that means rod, it can also mean authority. Can a parent be the rod? Can a parent be the authority?

Back to the sermon:


In this same sermon the issue of "Time outs" came up. It was said that time out is not scriptural. I can think of plenty of metaphors for Time OUT.....

How about Jonah in the belly of the whale for 3 days....
How about the Children of Israel wandering the desert for 40 years.
How about God being SILENT for 400 years!
How about the Babylonian Captivity?
How about 3 days of darkness in Egypt?

Time out is used to ponder. To think. It is a VERY effective tool for children to get them to settle down and be instructed in the ways of the Lord. It doesn't have to be modern day "sit on a chair" or go to your room.... it can be come and stay with me on my lap for a minute. We need to talk.
Or how about the shepherd with the rambunctious baby sheep? We often see that picture of Christ HOLDING the baby sheep in his arms. Is that a form of "time out"?
( I realize that picture is not in scripture)
BUT... Christ is called the Good Shepherd who came to lay his life down for the sheep. As representatives of Christ to our children, are we laying our lives down for our sheep? Are we protecting them? Are we gently guiding them? Or are we using the tools we are supposed to use against enemies on our children.
Just a few thoughts.

In the New Testament there are 3 scriptures that come to mind.
One has the use of the word Rod in it.
1 Corinthians 4:21, which is addressed to ADULTS who are wolves within the church. (predators of the real sheep?)

The other 2 scriptures are directed at fathers:

Ephesians 6:4 - "Father's do not provoke your children to anger but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord."

Colossians 3:21 - Father's do not provoke your children lest they become discouraged.