Don't We All Wish That

Tonight I was making dinner for the family. It was time to serve, so I sent Anna out with Daddy's dinner and dinner for our employee.

She came back in and said, "Daddy is off running an errand."

I said, "Oh dear. I wish he had told me he was going, I would have saved his dinner."

In her finest accent she said, "Don't we all wish that of our men!" LOL

Twirly Girlie

New Baby Girls

The Joy Of Girls

I couldn't stop laughing last night when

Sarah came weeping.....

"I'm so mad at ERIKA!"

I said, "Why, what happened?"

She was sobbing...."She says she needs her PRIVACY!"

So I asked, "Where is she?"

"In the Bathroom!" boo-hoo!

Well, don't you think it is normal to want privacy in the bathroom?


"She never wanted privacy before? Now she does, EVER SINCE SHE GOT BREASTS!"

"Now she doesn't want me in the bathroom with her!"

"I wish sisters didn't get breasts until they were 30 !!!!! "

I just love Sarah. :-)


So fast forward to today:
Erika and I went out for our mommy daughter date


We got back from the store and I had my super secret stash of Boston baked beans. The girls saw them and had their hands out.....

I said "You don't want these, they are BEANS!"

They still had their hands out and I said,
"Are you sure you want these? They are magic breast growing beans!" LOL

Sarah said, "I'll take 2!"
Anna said, "Give me the big ones!"


Hmmmm. :)

Human Children! Hello! :)

I took Erika out for a mommy daughter lunch today. I try to take each of our children out once a month for mommy time, and daddy does the same.

We went to a restaurant during "off hours" so we didn't feel rushed and just sat and adored each other.

(for those of you who don't know, Erika has arthrogryposis (malformation of the joints) and 4 months after we returned home, had to have both of her feet amputated because she was in so much pain)

So here is this bright, beautiful, smart, and did I say sweet little girl sitting before me, and I posed a question to her.

"If somebody were to ask you, 'What kind of kids are available for adoption in Ukraine?' what would you say?"

She rolled her beautiful eyes and said, "Human children, Hello!" :-)
cracked me up.

She then went on to talk about being in the orphanage where she never had a visitor. Her orphanage was not popular for adoption, and during the 4 years she was there, she saw 5 of her friends leave, including Sarah. (her sister now)

(Erika's first four years were spent in a "left to lay room". Her actual
paper work doesn't even show her existence during that time. Sarah was found in a TB sanitarium and didn't even get to an orphanage until she was 4. She was adopted by another family on her 5th birthday, and she came to us 6 weeks before her 6th birthday due to an adoption disruption)

She said, "I never expected anybody to love me. I used to cry at night because I knew I would never be chosen, because I am like this.... (speaking of her body)

She continued, "But then you came. And I KNOW you love me." "I was so shocked that it was ME that time. I couldn't believe it! I never, ever thought it would happen to me!"

So we sat and sipped our cokes and had chicken enchiladas and adored each other's company. Mother and daughter, bonded by love for each other forever!

I couldn't be any closer to a child who came from my body... as far as I'm concerned it is as if she did, and I am proud of her.

I can't help but feel that people miss out so much and limit themselves so much because of fear. My husband and I don't have loads of money or a money tree.
But God does provide for our needs... (note, I said needs.) Trips like Disney World are out of the question, and new things are not important.
We are frugal, and don't really honestly care about stuff......
Kids are way more important.

I just wonder, how many children are there, going to bed at night, weeping alone in the dark, so very, very deserving of our love, yet all alone; knowing they will never be "chosen"?
Why? Because they aren't good enough, perfect enough, pretty enough,healthy enough.... :-(

At the same time, I don't judge somebody who wouldn't take somebody like Erika or Sarah, or even our Anna.... I just figure God had them all saved for me.:-)
I am so blessed. WAY WAY beyond what I deserve.

Oh to have a gold bar in my closet to chip from, and a few extra bedrooms.
(I'm dead serious)

BTW- did I mention we are getting our homestudy updated? :-)

The Tapestry Story

I do not remember where I heard this, but here goes:

I love the story of the tapestry.
There was a little boy sitting at his mother's feet as she was sewing a tapestry. After a long while of him gazing up, he had this strange look on his face. His mother asked him, "Darling, What is the matter?"

His reply was, "Mommy, that is the ugliest thing I have ever seen!"

His mother turned her tapestry over, and He was right! It was ugly. There were knots, and strings and threads and they were all crossed in various ways and it WAS ugly!

His mother replied, "Oh sweetie, you are right, but you are looking at it all wrong!

You see, if you look at it from up here, it is beautiful!"
With that she turned the tapestry over for him to see. It WAS beautiful. It was perfectly stitched.
"The little boy replied with joy, "OH Mommy! It is PERFECT!" I couldn't see what you saw!

That is exactly how this life is for us. We see things from underneath; from our human perspective. The entire time, GOD is weaving the tapestry of our lives from up above, and He sees our lives from HIS perspective. He sees the right side of that tapestry.

He is weaving something beautiful with the fabric of our lives. :)

How To Get Rich Quick

Sticking Out Tongues and Crooked Paths

Tonight during family worship, we were finishing up the 2nd Chapter of Proverbs. Chapter 2 speaks of treasuring wisdom and understanding the fear of the Lord.

We talked about the difference between "Healthy" fear, and "Unhealthy" fear.

The girls came up with very good ideas and seem to really understand the concept that not all fear is bad.

We talked about discernment and following the wicked and how it can lead from the path of life to a crooked path.

They were able to come up with lots of ideas on that scripture too.

As we were wrapping up the evening, the girls gave another idea of "healthy fear". It had to do with Bryan the Billy goat. It is good to be careful around him, because he can butt if you don't watch him. That is a type of "fear". We aren't trembling afraid of him, but keep our distance and don't let him behind us or he might butt us. And mom remembered the other day when Erika said, "Bryan won't butt me!" and she proceeded to walk up to him. He did and mom had to catch her on the way down. LOL

We were all laughing and I caught her out of the corner of my eye jokingly sticking out her tongue.....

So then I said, "And look at verse 23 in chapter 2!"

It says, "Thou shaltest NOT sticketh out thy tongue at thy mother, as it will leadeth down a crooked path!"

She looked down at her bible really fast and we all cracked up laughing.:)
There is no verse 23.

OH MOTHER!! :)

A Most Wonderful Time

I just love my little Sarah. :)

Every month I try to take each of my girlies out alone for mom and daughter time. Today it was Sarah's turn. She wanted to go shopping in Down Town Wylie.
So I took her out for a special meal and then we shopped at our favorite store.

My favorite time was just watching her all grown up and having a most wonderful conversation about life, school, friends, and morality. She is growing up to be such a great kid.

She informed me that when she is 14, I will be 54 and maybe by then we could go and see a movie together. :)
She said she has gotten really good at math by playing the Phase 10 dice game! And all this time I thought it was because I was such a great teacher. :)

While we were in the car, she announced, it sure it hot in here, glad I brought my deoderant! Then she proceeded to put it on! LOL I think we need lessons on appropriate places to put deoderant on. She was treating it like perfume. :)

BUT... I'm glad she is thinking about not stinking!

It is such a short time before our kids are all grown up. I sure am having a great time watching them turn into little ladies. :)

Oh The Deep Deep Love Of Jesus

I love this song:
I have it on my play list



O the Deep, Deep Love of Jesus - Samuel Francis (1834 - 1925)

O the deep, deep love of Jesus
Vast, unmeasured, boundless, free!
Rolling as a mighty ocean
In its fullness over me.
Underneath me, all around me,
Is the current of His love
Leading onward leading homeward,
To Thy glorious rest above

O the deep, deep love of Jesus
Spread His praise from shore to shore.
How he loveth ever loveth
changeth never, nevermore.
How He watcheth o’er His loved ones,
Died to call them all His own;
How for them He intercedeth,
Watcheth o’er them from the throne!


O the deep, deep love of Jesus
Love of ev’ry, love the best!
‘Tis an ocean vast of blessing,
‘Tis a haven sweet of rest.
O the deep, deep love of Jesus
‘Tis a heav’n of heav’ns to me;
And it lifts me up to glory,
For it lifts me, Lord, to Thee!

You Must Have Eight Hearts

We had our home study update started last night. We always enjoy visiting with our social worker. This will be our 4th home study with her. So we relaxed into conversation, pizza and business. She talked to the girls briefly about how they felt about having a new sister.

They were so funny. Erika really doesn't mind what kind of sister she gets. Sarah wants one EXACTLY her age, and Anna asked for a sister with "all her limbs like me."

I figured that was fair. :)

After our social worker left, Anna climbed into my lap and was giving me a loving contemplating look. I asked her, "What is on your mind?" She said, "You must have 8 hearts." I asked her, "Why do you say that?"

She said, "Because I know you love me with your whole heart, and I know you love my sisters and brothers with your whole heart too, and if we get a new sister, that will be 8."

So, you must have 8 hearts. :)

Tools Put To Good Use

With 5 little girlies running around here all week it has been interesting watching them figure out where they belong.... Having chickens makes "pecking order" come to life, and there is also a "natural" pecking order with kids, especially when they are all close to the same age. :)

Well, yesterday Sarah had HAD IT with being "bossed around" by 3 older girls. I heard her on the front porch after somebody corrected something she said say, "THAT IS IT!"
She was not a happy camper!
I don't know what "IT" was, but THAT WAS IT!

So I called her in and sat with her on the rocking chair a few minutes and told her, "Sweety, do you think you can solve your problem by yelling?" Her answer was, "No, BUT THEY....."

So I asked her again, "How can you solve your problem?"

I think she was really over reacting to a simple situation, so I asked her to open her "tool box" and she started to smile. I put a "no more yelling" tool in there. We snuggled for a minute and then she sat straight up! "MOMMY! I'VE GOT IT!"

She ran outside and went over to Erika who was sitting on the swing. She told her, "Hey Erika, Open your toolbox!" Erika was grinning and opened her "tool box". I heard Sarah say, "I know you don't think you need this but believe me you do!" She gave her a "no more bossing people around tool!" :)

And they played happily the rest of the day!

Pineapple Juice, Tents and Little Girls

We had such a fun day. After the park I suggested the girls get their tent out and set it up, then they could read and relax in their tent.

They had set up a miniature "Enterprise City" all around the house, each selling their wares to each other for various prices, and I figured it would be a good idea to get them back out into the sun.

Well, I noticed the tent went up, and then I noticed it went right back down. Hmmmm.
I asked the girls, "Why did you take the tent down?"

One of them said, "Somebody spilled Pineapple Juice in the tent". WHAT?

So I see this 1/2 gallon size can of Pineapple Juice laying on the lawn, empty.
I asked about the tent again, and a tearful Anna came up and said, "Mommy, I spilled the Pineapple Juice in the tent so we had to put it away."

Uh, did you clean the tent? No, we just put it away.

With that, I decided they should clean it, and I should go to the store.

I left them with daddy for a while and went to Wally World.

When I came back, there was the cutest note waiting for me.
They each wrote a little part of it and said how much they loved me.
Then, they said they had cleaned the kitchen, dishes, and living room. It was dark when I walked in. I heard these little giggles coming from the living room and then they all popped up from the couch and yelled SURPRISE! :)


I was so happy that Anna had told the truth, and happy that they had noticed that Mommy/Gramma needed some help AND they really wanted to do something nice for me.

I couldn't ask for sweeter kids. :)

Day Three Of Our Visit

Today we went to the park and flew Kites. We found some great Kites at Walmart and the girls got them so high, they ran out of string! Here are some pictures from our day.
I had a hard time getting pics of some of those girls. They were off riding bikes, flying kites, and sliding slides. Anna decided to just "hang" around. :)

Let The Week Begin

The grand girls are here for the week. I woke up to the need for STRONG COFFEE!
We are having a fun visit. So far today they have played STORE all day long. That means they all have junk and pennies and set up little stores and sell their wares.
Lillian did pretty well. I gave her some old stickers to sell and she made out with a lot of pennies. Anna purchased an old wallet and Katie purchased something from Ukraine. :)
Oh the joys of childhood. :)

The Best Visit Ever

Tonight, we had such a fun time with our son Marcus, our daughter Ivy and our sweetie pie of a grandson Will. I so much enjoyed our visit.

Having older kids is just great. Especially when they are wonderful older kids bearing grandchildren. :)

Marcus and Ivy are great parents. I watched them tonight as they lovingly watched over little Will. They reminded me of the birds I see caring for their young, tag teaming to make sure he was safe, fed and not in any danger. :)

They are going to be bringing a new member into the family and I am so excited for them.

There is no greater joy than watching your adult children follow in the footsteps of the Lord. I just love them all so much. But dangit~ I didn't get a picture!

Anna's Salsa Recipe GLUTEN FREE! :)

Yesterday, I was deep into typing and Anna asked if she could make something in the kitchen. I told her yes.

She came up with : Anna's Salsa and I must say it is really good!

SO here is her recipe:

Anna's Salsa


Great Value Italian Diced Tomatoes- 1 can
Rotel diced tomatoes with cilantro and lime
1/3 cup of pace salsa
1 shake of Garlic powder
1 small shake of Cardamom
1/2 shake of cream of tarter
2 shakes of Dill weed
1 shake of sweet basil
2 shakes of old bay seasoning
5 sprigs of fresh cilantro torn up

Mix it all together.


We took it over to a friend's house for our play date and her older daughter came home from college. She said, "Wow, this is the most delicious salsa I have ever had!" LOL
What is the recipe? I told her to go ask Anna. :)
From her recipe, it looks like she cooks like Mama.

stir and put in a jar.

The Confusion of Beyond Consequences Logic and Control

I have had many conversations over the last couple of years about the approach we use with our children.
It wasn't until after a post yesterday that I actually understood where the confusion comes from when folks don't quite understand.

I don't think the approach is really that different from what we have always done, minus a few time outs or a grounding or even a swat or two from long ago with the boys.

I think the difference really is the "Outlook" or "Perspective" from where you parent.

There is no question that you love your kids.
BUT...Are you parenting your child in a state of panic and fear of the future, wanting them to turn out perfectly or better than you did? Are you hoping that your parents will be proud of your skills and that others will applaud your efforts? Are you feeling like everything they do is a reflection of you personally? Do you feel that their spiritual values are totally dependent upon you and not the Holy Spirit?

OR

Are you parenting from deep love in your heart that you pour into another individual, giving them guidance, spiritual understanding and acceptance, and loving them on a path that leads to life? Not reacting to their "off the trail" adventures to the never land of destruction, but shining the light back on the trail so they can be gently guided back?

I think that is where the confusion comes from. "What about when they go off that path? How do you not REACT?" "Why wouldn't you REACT?"

Reactive parenting winds up being usually like "arm chair" parenting. Stop that!
I said Stop that! If you do that again, you are going to get a time out! That's it! TIME OUT! Don't look at me that way! Who do you think you are? I am your mom and you WILL OBEY ME NOW! YOU WILL RESPECT ME! YOU WILLL....."Don't you roll your eyes at me!..... And those little heals dig in and those little eyes no longer look at the crazy fuming person who is supposed to love them and they forget all about what they did but start to feel defensive and scared and wonder if they are going to die or if mom and dad are going to love them any more and then when they are alone in their room with all that time to think... they say, "why bother", I'll never live up. They don't care. I have to take care of myself. I have to survive. All those little things they think are not true. But they don't know that, their experience tells them something different. Because they HAVE been abused. They have been neglected. They have been wronged and rejected.

The idea is instead of react, RESPOND. Responding requires planned, self controlled thought out direction. It is studying and knowing what will work best for your child to bring them back on the path.

Reacting is instant. It doesn't require thought. It usually reaches way back to somewhere in our past and brings out the worst in us. And the thought "Why did I just say what my mother used to say to me?" Where did that come from?

We ALL react sometimes. I know I do. The goal however, is to get to a place of naturally RESPONDING. I truly believe that can only be done with much prayer and supplication, surrendering our hearts to our Lord and learning to treat our children as HE has treated us.
He Brings us to a place of complete TRUST. We go off the beaten path when we don't trust Him.
He gently woo's us back because he is slow to anger and abounding in long suffering, patience and kindness. While we hated him, HE LOVED us. He knows us, from our very inward parts.

As we get to know our children, we learn to respond to their needs. When we respond instead of react, it puts the child in a place where they can begin to trust. When they are able to trust, then it isn't so scary to let go of control and allow themselves to be guided and loved by a parent.

This does not mean, you don't discipline. This does not mean they get away with horrid behavior. To discipline is to teach and to guide. It is to provide knowledge about life by modeling it to them.

As our children learn to trust us, and as they become more relaxed, there are natural consequences that will happen in life during the course of a regular day that will also help to guide them.

In BCLC there is a model called the Window of Tolerance. In a traumatized child the window is barely open compared to a child who is being raised in a nurturing environment.
The goal is to get that window open wider and wider. You will see a huge difference over time as you respond to your child's needs. And eventually that window will look like any other window. That is the goal.

Here is an example of how a parent would handle a younger child in a store.

If you ask them to not grab things in the store and their little hands keep on grabbing; simply taking them home is a natural consequence to grabbing. Explaining gently that they must listen to mommy is very important at a later time when they are calm and you are calm, that is the teaching and guiding time.
You spoke truth to them that they can trust.
You responded to their disobedience.
AND THEN, after things were calm, and they were in a place that they could listen, you go back over the event that occurred in a loving manner and explain what is expected. Communicating with them at a very deep level. Children respond very well to this.
Then, before you get out of the car next time, you gently remind them of what they learned the day before or the hour before..... "remember what we talked about"....and give a big hug.

My guess is, and my experience has been, even with my boys,that it only needs to happen once. And you no longer have kids grabbing things in the store.
Very simple, very calm, and problem solved.

For the parent who says, "if you touch that again,I'm going to spank you, or we are leaving if you do that ONE MORE TIME, and then thousand times later, the parent opens a yet to be purchased bag of chips in the store to keep the little hands busy" etc. This parent has taught the child 4 things.
1. You don't mean what you say.
2. The child has upset you.
3. The child is rewarded with chips for unwanted behavior
4. Mom lets me have things without paying for it.

No lesson of value was learned.

People will ask though: "Where is the discipline?" I think what they are asking is, "what punishments do you give out?"

The answer is, leaving the store was the natural consequence. It isn't a "consequence like, If you do this then I do that." Those types of things usually don't teach much.
AND with a child with a low window of tolerance, it will teach NOTHING.

The discipline, which is teaching and guiding takes place during that calm discussion time where you can reach your child's heart, talk about their behavior, their fears and their frustrations. At THAT time you can offer them the "tools" I talk about so much. What you are really teaching is true discipline, which is self discipline. You are teaching them INWARD discipline which is much more powerful that outward control because of threats of punishment. You are really reaching their hearts.

As time has gone on with our own children including our famous Joseph....:) we have seen those windows of tolerance open wide. It has taken longer for some than others, but through loving, consistent guidance and direction, they are all doing well and we are quite thankful.

I have also learned a lot about myself. I am enjoying parenting so much now, and feel free to just love them as individuals. Each of them. All wonderful 7 of them.(even though 4 are grown) :) My instruction to them spiritually is freed too. I don't feel like I have to open their heads and pound in truth. I have been guilty of that before. I just need to model it to them through my life.

I think it was St. Francis of Assissi who said, "Share the gospel daily, and if you have to, use words."
you can read part 2 here

Little Moments With Sarah

Little Moments with Sarah
The Turn The Other Cheek Lesson

"If somebody strikes you, turn the other cheek!" This was part of our little talk this a.m. along with Love your Neighbor as yourself......

So I say, you would never want somebody to strike you, so you should never strike anybody else.

Sarah says,"Oh, I thought turn the other cheek meant, if somebody hits you on the cheek you turn and hit their cheek right back!"

LOL

One Of Those Great Mommy Moments

Anna and I were talking off and on over the week about tools in our toolbox. A few posts down she had asked "how she should respond" when she did her math wrong....
I was so proud of her!

Well, for years now we have used the imaginary "tool box" and we have had humorous moments of using those tools, or needing to get them out when the tool box seemed to be locked!

We have had such wonderful weeks with her really applying herself in all areas of life.

I complimented her today and told her how proud I was of her doing so well.

Her reply was, "Well Mama! You are just the 'Locksmith of love'!"

cracked me up.