Signs of Spring and Sweet Gestures

I can't believe that it "Feels" like Spring already! Our Red Bud Tree is beginning to bloom.

We are seeing little flowers pop out of the ground. Anna brought these flowers in yesterday and put them in her refrigerator sheep. :)

The sun seems to be coming up earlier and Earlier! I heard a rumor that Spring Forward is next weekend. I'm not sure it that is true or not, but it sure seems awfully early!

Some of the things I look forward to in Spring are the rain storms, the sounds of the Thunder and the sight of the Lightening. It is just awesome and spectacular sitting on the front porch and watching the sky light up in the thunderous clouds piled thousands of feet high. I also love working the soil and planting the new garden. This year I am vying for raised beds. I think we need to have a successful garden this year and not just a "want to be a garden". :)

I love going and picking out the seeds to plant and the smell of the tomato plants.
I also love that life starts afresh. We are going to have baby goats any time now and I can't wait to meet them.

Here is a picture of Erika and Mike sitting by the window early this a.m. The sun is already up! Usually it is still dark at this time, but not today! Spring.....


My Daughter in Law Jodie came over last night to visit with our grand daughters Katie and Lillian. They are such cutie pies. They brought me this wonderful bouquet of Spring Tulips!

I love tulips. They are my favorite flower.:)
I thought that was so sweet of them to bring me flowers. Spring Break is coming up for Katie and Lillian and we will be able to spend the week together. How special is that? My grand daughters are so sweet. I'm really looking forward to a week together.
We are planning a spelling bee,math bee, reading "Stepping Heavenward",doing some science experiments and creating lots of great artwork.

Morning Events

One of my favorite parts of the day is watching Sarah and Daddy interact. She loves to get up early so she can spend time with him alone. Today, since I am a bit layed up, they cooked breakfast together. He is so patient. He let her turn the bacon carefully showing her how to keep from getting splattered with grease. When I took this picture from my chair daddy said, "Oh No Mommy! I haven't even combed my hair yet!"LOL


Anna's morning job is to let the goats, chickens and duck out, feed them, get them their water and collect the eggs.
Today she had a creative way of getting the eggs. I think she would have had a problem if there were more than 2!

Can You Believe This One????

I just read this article on CNN.com.
It is about a Children's Show Host who has received criticizm for being on the show. Why? Because she is missing the lower part of her right arm. Parents have called the station complaining of all things,"it is making me have to talk to my child about disabilities!"
I nearly spit my coffee out this a.m. when reading it.
At the same time, I'm not shocked at all.

While much of the time we run into the most amazing people who treat our kids and us as normal.(THEY ARE NORMAL) There are just as many times that we don't. And that includes those in our own family! Life is painful enough without having to add to it, those who lack not just compassion, but common decency.

This brings me to another issue. The issue of adoption in general. The orphanages are full of children with simple disabilities. They are not "less than", they are "differently abled". :) These kids are the hugest blessing, yet they sit in orphanages and rot as "damaged goods". It is not a heroic effort to adopt a child with special needs. They ALL have special needs, just as individual as each child is an individual. Some are just more obvious than others.

I know of folks who will go over the giant pond and get to an appointment, only to turn away a perfectly HEALTHY child, because they have a physical impairment.
We still, as far as we have come in recent years, have an aversion to the handicapped in our society. Many see them as a "burden". I remember when we were in the Embassy in Kiev Ukraine, an obnoxious AMERICAN man standing in line looked at our daughter and said, "Oh great, how much is THAT going to cost me?" I cannot express how angry I was.

Mike was whispering in my ear,"down girl, down girl", because I was fishing in my purse to hand the guy a quarter for what it MIGHT possibly cost him in his lifetime if she were to ever need special assistance. So far, that has not happened, and I don't anticipate it to happen as she is a hard working, wonderful, and smart person. But guess what? IF she were to ever need any help, she is an AMERICAN CITIZEN just like him. Heaven forbid he ever become disabled in an accident!

Any help our children have received up to this point has been completely from private donation. Texas Scottish Rite Hospital for Children, receives ZERO dollars from Tax Dollars paid to the government. Instead they have fund raisers and many, many generous donors. We do what we can to give back too. It will never be enough, for all they do. They not only care for the most disabled of children, but if YOUR child were to break a bone or hurt themselves playing sports, they would care for them too; FREE of Charge, without asking for one penny. They are a tremendous example of what the Church SHOULD be doing world wide, nation wide, and in our communities.

As the mom of more than one child with disabilities, including biological and adopted children, I can testify of the tremendous blessing ALL children are in our lives, no matter what special needs they may come with.

I am thankful that they have been a stepping stone of teaching for our other children in the area of compassion, helpfulness, and tolerance towards those who are different than ourselves.

American's pride themselves that we have curbs and doors for the disabled and we joke about the drive up ATM machines with Braille on the key pads, but truthfully, had LAWS not been passed to make these things happen, we would be no different than many places on this earth. Our curbs are lowered, and there are many wonderful people who do care, but in the general population at large, those who have disabilities are shunned, treated poorly, embarrassed by loud mouthed people, stared at, glared at, and complained about.

Even lately, with some of the talk about money going to those less fortunate, I have seen on blogs and other media the complaint that "we have to care for all these people!"
Well guess what! Scripture COMMANDS that we care for the poor, the elderly, the widow, the orphan, the sick, the hungry AND those who are in prison. That "WE" is we as a country and we as individuals.
I pay taxes and if that is what my taxes go for, then GREAT! I'd much rather they go to help a poor person with an education or to get a wheel chair than to some stupid Bridge to nowhere or somewhere.

Ok, I'm calm now. It's just that a missing arm is not the person. A missing leg is not a person. We are not defined by our "looks", we are defined by who we are as people INSIDE. Who is your PERSON? It is the one who speaks, thinks, feels, is it not? Do you think, speak or feel differently than another person, just because you are missing a leg? NO.

For those going on their appointments soon.... PLEASE consider the child with Cerebral Palsy, missing limbs, spina bifida, cleft palate, arthrogryposis, clubbed feet, restrictive band syndrome,... they may turn out to be the biggest blessing in your entire life. You just don't know it yet. Don't make decisions based upon fear. Educate yourselves BEFORE you go, find out if there are private organizations that would cover medical costs, find out what these conditions ARE, and then make a decision. Don't just say no, because of fear. Some of these conditions are not minor, nor are they correctable, or may be minorly correctable. But there is a little person's life at stake. Please pray and consider ALL those files placed before you in a careful manner.

For Those Headed To Ukraine

There really is a place called the SDA. It isn't a dream. It will happen. YOU WILL walk through these doors to meet those who have the records and hold the keys to get your children home. Best Wishes and Godspeed to ALL of you! And while you are there... Don't forget to take a picture of yourselves in front of these doors so you can encourage those who follow after you! :)

Its Good To Sit Back and Analyze

It has been almost a week since I broke a bone in my foot. I thought it would be a wise idea to try and walk with that boot thing (air cast) and try it without crutches yesterday. Today, I don't think it was such a good idea. I think I set myself back to last week. When I got up this a.m., Mike had already gone to Scottish Rite Hospital to do his volunteer work, and there was nobody to fetch my crutches and I figured I could make it to the bathroom without the boot....duh. As I limped to the bathroom, I felt a crunch again. Dang..... So I'm back to no pressure on my foot and crutches.
Erika's response: "Mom, you are such a mess!" LOL Yes dear, I am. :)

BUT>>>>>> Now for the good news about this week:

I did not realize how much I had been doing for the girls to make sure things got done correctly with their chores. It is second nature to "finish" things for them. I tend to baby them abit due to their special needs, and I don't think that is doing them good. I can see that clearly right now,since I can't help them finish things.
The truth is, sometimes it is easier for me to finish something than to teach them to do it themselves. I have been lazy in that way. So when they did the dishes and didn't clean out the sink, I couldn't do it. And then daddy came in and called them over and asked, "Who didn't clean out the sink?" "Do you think this job is complete?" So he taught them how to "finish" things. Last night, nobody had to teach them! They did the kitchen very well!

I love it that Mike tag teams with me the way he does. I love it that we support each other with the girlies. I had to tell him that them not finishing their job was my fault because I haven't expected it of them. So he taught them.
I think they were really proud this a.m. when I was at the kitchen sink and told them, "Wow, it is really nice to wake up to a totally clean sink!"

This week has really gone smoother than I thought it would. When something is out of the ordinary or "off kilter", typically I can expect that Anna will be a bit off kilter, but instead, she has shown compassion, she has been helpful and overall has remained steadfast and steady including volunteering to make Daddy's lunch along with our employee Therron's, lunch. I am so thankful. I think she is growing up! :)

This was a very good week school wise. We have been studying westward expansion, and since I own PBS's "Frontier House", I have let them watch parts of it.

They have really enjoyed watching it. Even the negative parts of watching the people argue or gossip has been an opportunity to discuss moral issues, including gossip, helping our neighbor, dishonesty, hard work, what is really important, and much more.

Because the girlies have watched how hard the families worked on Frontier House, they aren't seeing that their chores are difficult at all and I even caught Sarah trying to wash her shirt outside. LOL

INTRODUCING: OUR NEW GRANDSON

It is a little early, but this little fellow is so stinkin' cute!


Here he is safe and sound in his mommy's tummy while big brother Will and his mommy and daddy all wait for him to grow and mature so he can come on out and be with us. I am so amazed at these photos. The detail of his little hand and face. I just bet he will be a finger sucker like his daddy Marcus. Aunt Emma thinks he looks like Tim. It is funny, I kind of thought the same thing. He is about 24 or 25 weeks along in his development. It is amazing that Tim, Joe and Marcus were born between 28 and 30 weeks. They did not have definite dates, except for Marcus who was for sure 30 weeks. They suspected Joseph was 28 weeks because his little chest didn't even have nipples yet, and then one day they just appeared. It was so odd, mysterious and wonderful.

I am so awed at these photos. This is a real baby! What will he do in life? What plans does God have in store for his little life? Will he be funny? Will he be shy? I do know one thing: God already knows his steps. He is being knit in his mother's womb and he is being fearfully and wonderfully made.
Thanks Marcus and Ivy for the pictures and for letting gramma put them on the blog. :)

I Just Love Sweet Little Repentant Hearts

Tonight during family worship Daddy thought it best to start to study Proverbs. After our singing and prayer time, we started to read the words that Solomon wrote long ago about Wisdom. Each of the girlies took a verse and explained it the best they could.
There was a lot of discussion and participation and they were quite receptive, especially our little math whiz. :)

I just love that the girls are so open and repentant. They are sensitive to the Lord and that makes a mother's heart sing. :)

Cheating With Dyslexia

Hmmm. How do I explain this to a non dyslexic person....

Anna has been struggling with math for a while. She is doing really well, but sometimes gets overwhelmed. I noticed that today she was on the same lesson that she was on on Friday before we left for camp. (lesson 40) I didn't check yesterday due to a broken foot and so today was getting caught up with grading papers.

So I asked her for her math paper so I could check it. It should have said, lesson 40, but it said lesson 38 and the date had been changed to Today's date!

So I ask, "Ummm, how come you redid your lesson from last week with today's date?"
Her answer:" I couldn't find my paper from today so I took a lesson from last week and put todays date on it."

But why?
So you would know I did math today even though I can't find it.

ARGHHH!!!!!!

Now I'm confused. Non the less, it was cheating.

So, she is having "In School Suspension", which means that she is organizing her notebook so that I can check it with all the papers in the right place (hopefully)
AND she will finish her lesson for today. AND... we will have an honesty talk to finish off our day before family prayer. :)

My Tim

Well, Maybe I should say "Our Tim" since he is married. :)
On the day we left for camp Tim got the call. I have been waiting impatiently
for him to get the call about his certification for special education. He had to take a class and test to get certified.

The first time he took the test, he took too long, didn't finish and just didn't want to ask for extra time. He said it is just such a pain to ask for extra time. It takes paper work and a lot of red tape. So he tried to take it without special accommodations.

So this time, he practiced over and over trying to increase his speed in answering questions. And..... Not only did he pass. He passed really well.

Tim is one of those guys who doesn't give up. No matter what. He doesn't give up.
I don't think he has enough cheer leaders. Much of the time, Tim's accomplishments seem to be overlooked mostly because for many, it isn't that big of a deal. So he's a teacher. So he's a special ed teacher. So he graduated from college..... lots of people do.
Yea.... But not lots of people like Tim.

I cannot express to anybody, even my blog how my heart soars with joy and tears flow over this child. When he accomplishes new heights, my heart goes right back to the NICU and him struggling for every breath. It goes back to those words, "He hasn't given us any reason to believe he will ever: sit up, see, hear, speak.... he is a devastated baby, he needs to be removed from life support, he is brain dead."

OH MY! He is FAR from brain dead! And what I am happiest about is he gives ALL the glory to his Savior, Jesus Christ.

So my Tim, our Tim, is now certified to be a Special Education Teacher. I think he will do an awesome job.
He is after all, very qualified.

Family Camp at Peaceable Kingdom

Did Somebody say CAMP????


We went to Family Camp at Peaceable Kingdom Retreat Center for children, sponsored by Scottish Rite Hospital for Children. We had a great time.(except for my minor mishap)
The kids settled in



and then it was off to the lodge for some game time with old friends.




There were numerous events including the Pirate ship, spider web, movie time, golfing, and the Chili Cook off!

Here are the "Chili Girls" doing their chant and watching the judges taste their creation.

Robert thought it was abit hot! LOL

We had a really fun time. All the kids played hide and seek after dinner, and we had the joy once more of watching Jarroth Play the Piano.

Pride Cometh After A Fall

We had a great time at camp. It was short and full of adventures. I learned a very good lesson over the weekend. Don't try to race an electric golf cart up a hill on a trail with rocks lining it. You will lose your balance, get your foot stuck between rocks, fall on those rocks and then tumble down a little ravine. (for lack of a better word) And all in front of a bunch of people.

So that is what happened. I was so embarrassed that after I was helped up by a very nice man named Dwayne, whom I fell right in front of. I tried to keep running. I wanted to run away. After about 50 more steps that turned to a limp, and then I caught up with Mike. By then it was hurting pretty good. We went to the lodge where I removed my shoe, and haven't been able to get it on since. We went stayed at camp as it was Saturday afternoon and we were leaving in the a.m. anyway, and the kids had a great time. Then we drove home and went to one of those cheesy x ray places.
The verdict was: "There is something on your x ray. It looks like your foot has a fracture, but the radiologist won't be in until tomorrow so don't stand on it at all. I'm thinking, "No problem there. I CAN'T stand on it at all." LOL

So I am getting a lesson that is only going to give me more compassion for my girlies. It is a real pain to not be able to do things. Trying to get up on one foot to crutches is painful. My back, hip, knee and everything else hurt too.

AND.... my "oh so compassionate" Mike says,"You aren't 20 anymore!" Thank you for reminding me of that. I don't know what I would have done without that information. :)

I am so thankful this didn't happen 2 or 3 months ago at our height of limblessness. God is so Good to us.

I'll upload pictures of camp as soon as I can get them organized, but here is one of me in the lodge.

I'm The Mom

If you need a little pick up, if you need to feel empowered! If you need a laugh....
Visit THE MOM SONG.....

And for dads.. Here is a dad song.

Missed Moments of Simple Joy

Today I went to Wal mart, and as I walked up to my car which was parked by the median, there was this little girl about 4. She had blonde hair and thick glasses for an obvious eye problem. But she was observing the tree on the median very carefully. She looked at it very closely and said, "Mommy, this tree has an owie!" Her mommy wasn't paying much attention and said rather droley,"Get in the car." The little girl was fixated on that tree and I heard her say, "Oh poor tree!" Then she kissed it.
I was cracking up while putting my groceries away.

Her mom was doing the same thing. (putting groceries in her car)

The little girl then said, "Oh mommy, isn't this the most beautiful tree! I LOVE this tree!" Her mommy put her cart in the cart holder and called her over again. This time she said, "because you didn't get in the car, when we get home you are going to your room to be punished!" end of story...... The little girl got in the car and they drove away....

Now, It is true that she didn't get into the car when her mother told her to, but my guess is, she didn't even hear her. She was so happily fixated on that exciting tree and having such a moment of joy, she didn't hear her mommy.

Her mommy missed such a wonderful moment to share with her little girl. It is really special to share a child's joy and excitement over the simplest of things.
We all miss out. We are all guilty of being too busy.

I hope this little girl's mommy has a better day tomorrow,enjoys her daughter's delight and shares in it with her while discovering this wonderful, beautiful world God has given us to enjoy. :)

I had the secret delight of watching a little girl admire a tree. :)

Finishing What I Start

I don't know about you, but I have this issue with finishing a project. I get too many going, and then have trouble sticking to a task until it is completed.

I have been doing really well working on a major project, but need to finish it.
It is days like this, when I don't feel that great, and I have loads of "other" things to do, that I get bogged down and frustrated. My mind gets full and then, my wheels just spin.

So why am I writing this? To get my fingers going. :) Sometimes it just helps to state the obvious in writing and move on.....

So here is to a full brain! :) Hopefully I can leak some out on paper today.

How To: According to Anna

Today Anna said, "Mom, I know how Sarah can get over her fear of dancing in public and how I can get over my fear of public speaking!

"How Anna?"

Adopt 14 children! It would be public speaking just to ask for the bread to be passed! And Sarah would be dancing in front of all those people!

She is a smart kid. :)

Loving Our Neighbor

I love our church. It is a church full of imperfect people. But one thing these imperfect people know how to do is to love their neighbor. Who is our neighbor? Everyone you come into contact with.

When we started attending many years ago, the first thing I noticed was "Grandma's Attic". Grandma's Attic is a clothes closet for those within the church and outside the church. There would be a line of people sometimes waiting for the services to end so they could come in and get clothing. At first I thought it was odd, but many of the people in the community didn't speak English and probably weren't comfortable coming into a Christian church. Many were from China and most likely were Buddhist. Others were from Mexico and only spoke Spanish.

Because of that, our church started English Second Language Classes and started holding a Spanish Bible Study. Our friends also moved into the apartments near the church to minister to the people there.

Later on, about 6 years ago, we started a Food Pantry. "Grandma's Pantry" It was suggested at first that there is a food pantry in the community; but after talking it over, it was decided that We should be reaching out and helping those in our body AS a body, not turning helping our neighbor into a social service event for the person in need of help.

The food pantry opened with 1 rule. NO QUESTIONS ASKED.( so that the thing that happened to me in my post below would NEVER happen to anybody within our scope of contact) If you need food, it is there for the taking. If you have food to give, give it. If you use food, when you can, contribute back so others can use it. It has since grown from canned goods, to pampers, formula, baby food, specialized foods, tooth paste, soaps and deoderant. There are even walkers, canes and potty seats in there.
I am so thankful for the loving, giving hearts of those who secretly give. And I am SO THANKFUL that there is a place people can go for food and not be embarrassed.

Grandma's Pantry has exploded to Grandma's kitchen too. You can get refrigerated items;frozen meats and dairy products. Isn't that great!

In the times we are facing as a nation, I am happy to be at a church where people can find comfort and that as a church, we will pull together and take care of each other and those in our community who have need.

When We Think Our Sin Doesn't Stink

I was talking to a friend today about life, and how it makes such interesting twists and turns.
She is much younger than I am. In fact she is probably about the same age as my youngest son. :)
She and her sister have seen much heartache in this life, and as young people, they did not know the Lord. They turned their hearts and desires towards Him when they had already tread some paths that have brought them regret.

As we were talking, it dawned upon me that she had no idea of some of my life when I was younger. Because of the nature of our conversation, I was able to share a little with her about my earlier years.
She has felt that the problems she has faced in life are sometimes of the magnitude that many who have grown up in the church are completely unable to relate to her. Even though I did grow up within a broad Christian circle, my early married life took some horrific paths and I learned much about the grace and mercy of God through very difficult circumstances.

Unfortunately, I understand her conclusions about how SOME within the church deal with sin, with the effects of sin, with past sin, with new believers who have horrific pasts, and with those who are believers living in horrific conditions.

As I was talking to her, memories flooded in of me as a young mother seeking counsel about my situation. I walked away many times bewildered not only by the "casualness of what I was told, but the true lack of love I felt from those who were supposed to love me." If this was LOVE, I was in serious trouble.

I actually had a woman tell me one time, that she knew of another woman in my situation that obeyed God and submitted to her husband, and when He came at her with a hammer, she simply began to pray in tongues and he couldn't hit her! NO kidding. She used this example to show me where I had failed in my life and how I was in sin.

There was another man who called me and told me that I had no right to marry again. I was an adulteress and he went on and on. This same man had had numerous relationships with women of an inappropriate nature, though he himself only wanted to marry a pure woman.

Then, there was the time I went to MY OWN CHURCH (not the one I am in at present) to seek food for my family. A very grouchy assistant pastor came out and yelled at me, demanding to know, "How did you get yourself into this situation?" I had never met this man, nor had I ever asked for food before.
I was so embarrassed and horrified and humiliated, I left, with him then saying, "Wait, do you need food?" Well, yea, but not from you.

Let's see, How DID I get myself into that situation?
I purposely married a lousy man who used drugs and was an alcoholic. I purposely married a man who mistreated me and my children, because that is what I really wanted...... duh.....So I decided to give birth to 4 children within 4 years and live in poverty and I got myself into this situation because I was of such a vile and sinful nature that I could do no other. Oh yea, and I was a total idiot.

Sometimes, that is how those within the church make you feel. It is one of those situations where they approach you with a, "We've got it all together because we are special and it is our job to fix you and make you see things our way, and by the way, 'you really are an idiot'! "

When you go to them to share a real problem, you get to thinking, "this person has never missed a meal, the worst problem they have had in their entire life is a broken nail or the store didn't carry the right hair color, and... they think I'm an idiot."

Have I said idiot enough?

Those thoughts and feelings are very raw and very real. They are some of the reasons I stopped seeking any kind of counsel except on my knees in prayer and in the reading of my bible.
I say that today and I'm bothered by that. We SHOULD be able to seek godly counsel. We SHOULD be able to get help and be LOVED by the Body of Christ. We SHOULDN'T bear our burdens alone. But many do, for the very reasons I have stated above.

The problem is for those who have grown up in the church, including myself.... we don't see our sin as stinky. We don't see our true condition. We have a list of rights and wrongs and as long as we safely stay away from the 10 majors, then well, we are doing pretty good! Right? WRONG!!!!!We don't know that we are the ones who are poor, and hungry and naked.
That basically makes us Pharisees. The Pharisees were able to follow the law and even built laws around the law to make sure they didn't break the law. In fact, Paul stated that he followed the law perfectly! But Christ referred to them as "white washed seplechurs full of dead men's bones."

But Christ raised the bar of the law abit. He said, "Love the Lord your God with all your heart, all your soul and all your mind, AND Love your neighbor as yourself." In His sermon on the Mount in Matthew 5, he gives a very revealing sermon on what His desire is for us. "Love your enemy", turn the other cheek, if somebody takes your coat, give him your sweater as well."

For those who do talk to others who are struggling: Are we applying Christ's words? Are we loving that person as we would love ourselves. Are we treating them as we would want to be treated? Or are we shocked at the depth of their sin, and disgusted by their lack of spiritual awareness? Are we rightly dividing the word of Truth with them?

It is my hope that when somebody does seek counsel, they will find a wealth of love and support, both in the Word of God, in the spoken word and in deed; also that a clear picture of Christ will be presented and that they will walk away ready and excited about continuing down the path of Life, despite the problems they are facing. It is my hope and desire that those within the church who desire to counsel, will first be humble and know that if they have not experienced extreme hardship, it isn't because they are so special and they have made wonderful choices, but it is the blessing of God upon them and His mercy that has kept them, in spite of themselves.And this IS something to be thankful for!
And for those who HAVE gone through extreme hardship,that they would allow the Lord to use them to bring about HIS glory and that they would encourage others to press on to the finish line.
All of us... every one of us.... no matter how pretty, how pleasant, how ugly, how unpleasant, were born naked, and in desperate need of a Savior. We all come to know Him the same way; in Faith, through the precious blood of Christ.

Blessed By A Child

Blessed By A Child posted about her son Joseph today. You will truly be blessed by reading her post. It is a precious story of God's grace. Please read it and drop my friend Jeane and her son Joseph a line in her comments section. They are getting ready to go and get another little one.

Triggers

Our Friday night tradition of Pizza and a movie continues, and then we all retreat to camp in mom and dad's room for the night. It is usually a peaceful sleep, but last night was a little different. The sleeping arrangements were changed. This time Erika slept on the cot at the end of our bed, Anna took the chair and Sarah slept on blankets on the floor.
I was awoken to Erika having one of those dreams. The kind that give me chills. She never remembers them. But they are of that deep,mournful cry; a panic, a sense of loss and loneliness that is so great it can't be fathomed by those of us who have never experienced total aloneness.
And then, once again, I heard the cot start to squeak back and forth. When I got up to check on her she was in a deep sleep rocking back and forth and she had tightly wrapped her covers all around her like a straight jacket. I touched her gently and said, "sweety, you are rocking". She opened her eyes,smiled and then went to sleep again, this time without rocking. Then it started up again.....
When she woke this morning, she was rested and had no memory of her restless sleep.

I am so thankful that in God's mercy, he allows us to not remember things in our conscious state. Things so terrible and feelings so fearful that they are best left untouched.
When the right time comes, if God so chooses, she may remember more. She remembered a lot when she first came home, and the things she told us were shocking and upsetting.
She was in the dark a lot. There were other beds. She was tied, sometimes she ate and sometimes she didn't. The covers were wrapped around her. She was left to lay. For four years she rocked before she made it to an orphanage. Much of what she told us, she has forgotten. Time has a way of helping us to forget.

But then there are those times when her memory is triggered and she does. The season of year, may be her trigger. Our 3 year anniversary is coming up soon. It is both joyful and sad. It triggers memories of belonging to a new family, but it also triggers memories of rejection, abandonment and loss.

That is the nature of adoption. It has 2 sides. Happiness in finding a forever home, but profound sadness because you were rejected by the very ones who gave you birth.
The circumstance doesn't really matter. The rejection hurts just the same.

One thing we as adoptive parents can do for our children is to grieve with them. The compassion we show them when they feel that loss is so important. Their sadness does not reflect on their love for us, nor does it mean they don't love us. It just means they have suffered great pain and need support to heal. It is our job and DUTY as parents to love them through these moments, being careful to not trivialize them by saying, "But you have a new home, you are here with a new mommy and daddy, your life is wonderful now!" Those things do not matter at that moment. What matters is that momentary memory of pain and rejection. Our reaction to that can make all the difference in the world towards their complete healing.

Our daughter is a happy, loving and caring child. It is our prayer that her past pain and experiences in life will be used by the Lord to mold and shape her into the vessel He has chosen for her to be, and that she would see His hand on her life.
I know she already does.

Happy Birthday To Tim, Joe ,Becca and Sam

February is a very busy Birthday Month for us.
Here are a few pictures I happen to have on the computer of the Birthday boys and Girl!



This is Tim when he was very sick. He was a preemie and we are very fortunate
to have him around.:)

This is Tim and Joe when they were 1 and 2. I was in the hospital on complete bed rest with their brother Marcus.

I love this picture of Joe and Becca!

Here are Joe and Sam. Sam is going to be two at the end of the month.

This is one of my favorite little boy pictures of Timothy.

And here is Tim and Emily on their wedding Day. What a difference 21 years can make. :) (between birth and marriage)
Happy Birthday Ya'll. I'm very proud of each and every one of you. :)
Love,
Mom