The Stuff Of The Day

Anna is "The Chicken Whisperer". Our neighbor's chicken wandered into our yard. What else can a little girl do but turn it into a baby! The chicken either
A. LOVED IT and Cooperated
or
B. Was scared to death and cooperated
She seemed to be fine as she left an egg in our coop before going back home.




Sarah woke up this morning to find the picture she drew yesterday. She said, "I just love looking at this picture!" So I took a picture to make sure it lasts. :)


How many people can play backgammon at the same time? 4 at our house. 2 teams. Somebody rolls the dice and somebody moves the pieces. Today Daddy and Anna's team won. But Sarah won 2 times earlier by herself with Daddy. :) (she wanted to make sure my readers know that!)

Last Night

I wish I had a picture of last night, but I don't. It was time for the girlies to go to bed, and time for me to get to bed a little earlier than usual, as I was dog tired.

I layed down on my bed, and the next thing I knew, there was Sarah next to me, asking, "Mama, are you lonely in here by yourself?" No. I'm not lonely dear. "May I lay here next to you for a minute?" Yes dear. "May I rub your sore foot?"

ARE YOU KIDDING? You bet you can!!! :)

So she was massaging my sore foot, and then Anna peered around the corner. May I come in? Yes dear. Can I lay next to you for a minute? Yes dear. So she was holding my hand and laying next to me. "Is you wrist still sore mama?" Yes it is. "Can I massage it for you?"

ARE YOU KIDDING? OF COURSE YOU CAN! :)

Well, a few minutes went by and Erika heard something going on in the room. And, she appeared from around the corner.....

COME ON IN ERIKA! :) She layed on the bed and we all giggled and chatted and they asked questions about life and what I was like when I was a young girl.

"Did you ever kiss a boy?" uhhh. yes. BUT..... that doesn't mean YOU should.
Just because mommy was foolish doesn't mean you should be!

So I went on to talk to them about the curiosities of life as a younger person, and how trusting the Lord in important decisions like boys and marriage etc. is so vitally important.

"Did you kiss daddy before you married him? Oh tell us, do tell us!" (Loads of giggles as I tell our love story. :) )

These moments of flexibility can be so very meaningful and they are such wonderful opportunities to share real life with our children in a way they can relate to.
AND, we had fun. The whole time Daddy was in the other room reading and enjoying a quiet time.
I'm beginning to see an eternal purpose in arthritic joints. God uses even the simple pains in our lives to bring about His purposes. So this time, the girlies massaged my aching joints and I talked about life. We ALL benefitted. :)

When Daddy came in, it was time for all to retreat back to their beds and snuggle in for the night, and they went right to sleep.

Good night Little Women.... :)

Solving The Satisfaction Dilemma With Little Ones

Somebody asked me to make a post about helping kids appreciate what they have and not want what other's have.

This is part 2 of the "Give Me! Give Me! Give Me! I Want! I Want! I Want! I Need! I Need!" post.

I think one of the biggest disservices we can do to our children is to give them too much. Have you ever been to a toy store and seen little children screaming out "I want that!" "PLEASE GIVE MY THAT!" It changes from row to row as they go down the isle of the toy store. The child is totally overwhelmed with desire and can't make up their mind.
Well, that is what it is like every day for a child who has too much "stuff". We live in a world of "stuff mart". Our kids are bombarded with stuff. And too much "stuff" isn't better, it is just more, and it is a detriment to them.

If you go into a home where there are too many toys, most of the time the kids don't even play with them. They are too overwhelmed overloaded, which can lead to hyperactive play and play without purpose. (destroying things)

When our boys were little they had plenty of toys to choose from, and I was picky about what they had. We made sure the toys were well made, and in the right age bracket to interest them. Then, we put the toys out for them for playing. If they had good toys that they seemed to begin to be bored with, we would put those away and leave others out. We used toys in shifts. We would change them every 2 months, so they always seemed to have something different to play with. It was like having a new toy all over again, but it wasn't new, and the joy of having that old toy back was great to see.

Things we purchased also required imagination. We did not purchase toys that did things FOR you. So, the Tonka Dump Truck was in, but a toy with a siren, and all sorts of gadgets was out. We had the Fischer Price Cash Register, Shopping Cart and fake food items, and several other Fischer Price Quality toys. We also had wooden puzzles and simple cars. We didn't go for buying play houses etc. as those things can be taken care of with a blanket and chairs. (a tent)

The boys never seemed to get bored.

The other thing we did was provide endless hours of hands on play. No TV, you better have something to replace it with. We had a long table with paper, glue, beads, scissors, crayons, a bucket of modeling clay, cookie cutters, rolling pins, etc.

They created great things with those busy little hands and minds.

As they got older and found that other children had things they didn't have, we were able to explain to them WHY we didn't have certain things at home, and that is was great that they could enjoy something different when they visited a friend. It never seemed to be a problem for them to not have those things. Many of their friends like coming over and doing crafts and playing.

We very seldom went out to eat, so when we did it was a true treat. I think the boys instinctively understood that it was a real pleasure to go out, so when we did, they knew not to ask for the biggest or best. We were frugal and that was that. We taught them if they wanted anything bigger,like a big mac instead of a hamburger or a big coke instead of a small one, they would have to pay for it themselves. Suddenly, it wasn't any big deal at all. :)
We also purposely didn't do the happy meal thing if we did go to McDonalds. But periodically, we would get them one.

The girlies know too not to ask or beg. The other day we went out to run an errand and it was around lunch time. I knew we would be back later and intended to stop somewhere for them. I didn't say it though. We were close enough to home to wait if we needed to. So I waited and after passing several yummy places to eat, and the girls saying nothing, I said, "You have been so sweet not to ask mommy to stop, I think we can eat out today." They were very excited about that, and enjoyed their meal.

We have taught the children that parents like to delight their children and bless them, but it isn't a blessing if it is an expectation. So far, it seems to have worked with all 7 of them. Not perfectly of course as we all have sin natures that pop up now and then and need to be brought back into subjection. But, overall, I feel the children have a healthy attitude about things.

Tips for if you have too much or do too much:

1. Go through your children's toys while they are asleep. Discard broken junk that has no value. (the bottom of the toy box stuff) They will not miss it.

2. Go through the age appropriate things. If they have outgrown toys, get rid of them or put them away for another child.

3. If you have too much stuff, give it away! And then when you have what seems the right amount, rotate it out. (put 1/2 in the attic and keep the other 1/2 out)
(do this when the kids are asleep, they will not notice)

4. Only keep enough items so that they can fit into whatever storage bin or box you have. It shouldn't take more than 10-15 minutes to clean a room up.

5. Keep Legos, Lincoln Logs etc. put up for special use, and then when they are done, put them back away before anything else is brought out.

6. Keep ample supply of blank paper, stickers, glitter, glue beads etc. so the children can create wonderful works of art.

7. Spend time WITH them, creating things. They love this. You don't have to be a great artist to draw or make something fun.

8. When you have clay and rolling pens and cookie cutters, that can be very helpful for kids that are stressed to relax them.


Try to find ways to CATCH your children being greatful, helpful, playing well, taking good care of their things and praise them for it. "I am so pleased that you took such good care of that today by putting it away!" "I am so proud of the picture you drew! You are an awesome drawer!" " You have had a great attitude!" "Thanks for not asking for things!" Kids like being praised when it is genuine and they deserve it.

And I am really proud of myself for not buying that new set of towels I had my eye on. I didn't NEED it. :)

A Christmas Craft ANYBODY Can Do

Here is a really fun craft that is EASY, NON MESSY and the kids get near instant gratification for trying it!

Christmas Balls

Styrofoam Balls (any size but not too small)
popsicle sticks
any scrap material, not too heavy (prefer calico type)
scissors
christmas hooks

That is ALL!

You take the material and cut it into small pieces, no particular shape
but not too tiny. Place the material on the ball and press in the edges with
the popsicle stick. Not too hard, or it could crack the ball in half.
(show little boys how)

Pick different materials, or all the same.
When you cover the ball with material pressed in well,
find a place to press in your hook.

If you prefer a ribbon, just use hot glue to glue it into a crack somewhere on the ball.

Here are some pictures of Erika making balls:

Here she is being her pretty little self. :)


Making an ornament



This is one I did about 12 years ago and it is still around!

Give Me! Give Me! Give Me! I Want! I Want! I Need! I Need! I Need!

If anybody has ever seen the Movie "What About Bob?" This is one of the famous lines from that movie that we all laugh about. There is this grown man, wanting something more from his psychiatrist than the man can offer him.....and thus, drives his psychiatrist to madness.

One of the 10 commandments is "Thou Shalt Not Covet".... to covet is to want what somebody else has. We fixate on "keeping up with the Joneses", that famous ficticious family that lives in all neighborhoods, and ultimately, we don't appreciate what we have. Somebody else always has something better, somebody else has something nicer, bigger, more expensive and it never, NEVER ends!

We watched a documentary over Thanksgiving Weekend about marketing to kids. One thing they actually mentioned was they WANTED to cause kids to NAG their parents for more! Isn't that sad?
There is an entire industry directed at children to make them covet, covet, covet, want, want, want, and tell them they NEED,NEED,NEED and it encourages them to NAG!

The other branch of this industry is aimed at adults. It causes the exact same result.
Nobody is immune to it, not children, not adults.
That is... unless God intervenes in our sinfulness and helps us to see a different way.

Until we see that Christ is our sufficiency and our satisfaction can only be found in Him; that He is our provider and will give us what we NEED, and HIS blessings are the BEST, we will be hopeless slaves to covetousness and we will go on in life unsatisfied and unfulfilled.

We recently purchased the "FIOS" package for phone, internet and cable..... we have never had cable Tv before, in fact, we don't really watch TV, (commercial TV) we have always used the TV as a giant video player. So TV was introduced and we were checking it out.
It cracked me up watching the girlies see a commercial and get excited and say, "Mama, we NEED to get that, it is only 19.95 and they offer more free! You can't WAIT! It will be too late! LOL It was for some sort of storage system for food that I could go down to walmart and purchase if needed for far less than 19.95 and not have to pay shipping. BUT, I didn't need it!

The POWER of the TV was there, drawing them in...... The newness of the FIOS wore off, and we have learned to keep it off and use it for proper purposes like international news coverage or documentaries we can record, and that is about it. Due to the analogue signals going away in February, we will most likely keep the package as it is not that much more per month, but I truly hate paying for something like that, AND honestly, I'm not ready to totally give up the news. (my own personal issue)

Long ago, when the boys were little, we went without TV at all for a very long time, and then introduced them to the video system. We didn't watch commercial TV.... therefore, they never really knew what they needed and didn't have because nobody told them so. LOL
We have done the same with the girls, so they don't see all the amazing stuff they are missing. In fact, I just figured out what a Wii was a couple of months ago. I had no idea.

During this season of "I Wants", how do we teach our children they already have ALL they NEED?

Some lessons are difficult to teach without the necessity of hardship, but CAN be taught without needing to be homeless.

Many years ago, we were in the "homeless category". It was an awful, AWFUL period of time in my life. It ended when we were able to move in to subsidized housing. Our children were quite young. In fact, Marcus was just 6 weeks old. Our oldest son Chucky turned 5 before Christmas, we also had a 2 1/2 year old, a 1 1/2 year old and a 5 month old. We also had NO MONEY. We had barely enough to feed the basics like oatmeal and baby formula and diapers, and sometimes not even that.

I was trying to figure a way to make a special Christmas for our children, without money. We went to the mall and made things special by seeing the decorations and lights. We went to the free programs put on by churches. We read Christmas stories and talked about the TRUE MEANING of Christmas. It was Christ's Birthday, Not ours!

I had no money for ornaments on a tree or even a tree for that matter, but we found one for a few dollars. It was definitely a "Charlie Brown" sort of tree. I came up with the idea of decorating the tree with cookies. This was something we could do together and the babies could decorate them. It was CHEAP TOO! Flour, sugar, butter, and viola' we had ornaments, just had to buy the hooks.

It was a sight, but the children were so proud of that tree!
As Christmas was coming, I noticed our oldest son had not asked for anything for Christmas. I didn't ask him what he wanted, it was of no use, as I couldn't have provided it for him anyway. We just let the holiday happen. I really wanted to get him something, SOMETHING...

In a moment of desperation, I went to the Salvation Army on Christmas Eve. I asked if they had anything left over. The lady yelled at me.."You should have signed up for this in OCTOBER!" I said, "I'm sorry, I didn't know how to be poor!" How was I supposed to know? I'm not a professional poor person! Her attitude changed and she came back with a coloring book and a super man pen. Nobody wanted those.

I went back to our house, totally humiliated, reminding myself of my own words. "It's Christs Birthday, not ours". I wrapped those 2 items in newspaper for the next a.m.
We hung little tube socks up and I filled them with a few pieces of candy, a cookie and an orange. That is what the babies got. Our oldest son, who was old enough to understand, received the coloring book and pen.

You know what happened? Our babies were THRILLED to get their candy and orange. Our 5 year old was THRILLED to get his coloring book and pen. "WOW! A COLORING BOOK! "WOW! A PEN!" A SUPER MAN PEN! WHOO HOO!

I sat back and took a sigh of relief.......

several years later:

We were talking about Christmases past with the guys. One of our oldest son's favorite Christmases, was that one.
The other boys were too young to remember.

But, they still love to come home and find cookies on the tree to eat.:) You see, we STILL put cookies on the tree along with other decorations of course, but those cookies will always be a part of our lives.

I am a strong believer that commercialism takes the joy out of the holidays. It saps the satisfaction of just having simple family time and friends gathered around to be together from our children and causes them to want something else, something lesser, something awful. It is a catalyst for covetousness.

As parents, it is our responsibility to help our children to see things differently.
Some lessons are hard to teach when you don't have "need". Therefore, it is very important to create need. With our girlies, we do not give them everything they want and we have a continual battle to fight with people giving them too much. They have less than many, but less isn't bad, it is just less. We don't need the newest things, the best dolls, the best clothes, the best toys, just like we don't need the newest car, the newest dishes, the newest house. A bike is a bike is a bike. Two wheels and it goes down the driveway just as wonderful as a new one, and it doesn't matter if you crash!
Some of the ways we can help our kids through the covet maze is to expose them to those less fortunate. Take them to the retirement home to visit those who have nobody. Take them to the soup kitchens to help serve in the lines, have them pick an angel from the angel tree to purchase a gift for Christmas and let THEM do it. (I think those are the ones who signed up in October) LOL

If you know of a family in your church or neighborhood in need, make a plan WITH your children to make their Christmas special. Bring a beautiful basket with a Ham or Turkey and all the fixings, let your children pick some gifts out to give and bless this family. (they will be the family that DIDN'T sign up in October)

As your little ones learn to give, and give well, and see that not all children have nice things, it will help them to appreciate more what they do have.

Here are a few ideas to help them participate:

1. Let them earn money for chores to buy gifts for the needy
2. Let them pick the gifts, putting themselves in the position of the other person.
3. Let them wrap the gift and deliver.
4. Let them make a home made card or cards to give to neighbors and the elderly.


I will write another post about learning to appreciate what we Do have soon.

What I Learned From Joseph

This is Joseph at 15 months.


At our home talking to a family friend.


Getting to know little Sister Sarah

Playing Spades with the brothers

I wish I knew how to scan. That is something I plan to learn in the new year, along with learning how to make links, AND finish my taxes on time. (I don't wish to talk about that) :)

Joseph is our 3rd son. He was born prematurely, at around 30 weeks. He screamed so loud in the delivery room, they figured I had my dates wrong, as that scream said he was fine. However, about an hour after he was born he started "grunting", and had difficulty breathing. This placed him in the special nursery with oxygen and IV's, and our previous experience was visiting us again. (3 of our boys were preemie, all 30 week babies)

I remember when he was just 2 days old, I went to the nursery to visit with him, and I walked in just in time for a nurse to say, "I wish that kid's mother would get in here so he would shut up!" Nice nurse, I know.... BUT.... what was a 2 day old doing to annoy her?

He was TRYING his hardest to cry, but he was too weak, so he let out a grunt every breath. uh,uh, uh, uh, uh,uh,uh,uh,uh.... and he didn't sleep. NOT one WINK!

When I would come in, and hold him and talk to him, he would stop the grunting, and rest. If I left, he would go back to the uh, uh, uh, uh, uh,

This went on for a few weeks, the latter part of that time, he was used to me not being there the entire time AND he had learned to SCREAM!
I had a 3 year old and a 1 year old at home, and I am so glad he only had to stay in the hospital for a few weeks.

There was something different about Joseph. He was a grouchy baby. He loved being held, but it took a lot of coaxing to get him to smile. He also didn't sleep. Not like the other 2. He was awake ALOT.....
When I took him to the Dr., the Dr. said, "you are just tired. After all you have 3 children 3 and under and one has cerebral palsy and isn't walking...etc.
That one was also having some rare seizures that couldn't be explained and there was a lot going on with him. (timothy)

So, I went back home and accepted that I was tired. Even though I knew that wasn't the case.

As time went on, I studied this little guy. He was anxious. He was very, VERY aware of his surroundings. He would accomplish things like sitting up in a grouchy manner and then be happy when he succeeded, only to get mad when it was time for the next milestone. I noticed he was exceptionally smart. (all mom's say that, but he REALLY was)
As time went on and he could do more, he was a happier baby. He kept himself busy and BUSY he was. He was also very determined and strong willed. He was also very insecure and tender hearted. He would lash out, and throw fits, but be terribly hurt if I was upset with him. Baby number 4 had arrived 10 weeks early, and now we had 4 children under 5; all wonderful little boys.

It took me a long time to figure Joseph out. When Marcus came home, Joseph's reaction was to bite his brother older brother. Every morning, EVERY MORNING when I bathed the baby, Joseph put trucks in the baby's crib and then tipped the crib over on its side.
He knew I was busy, and wouldn't catch him in the act, and he was only 15 months old!
But somewhere around 3, I realized that I had to parent him VERY differently. The standard stuff just wasn't going to work with this child. He needed me to be 10 steps ahead, in control, kind, resourceful and prepared. He needed me to outsmart him AND be tender with him. It was a difficult task. Even though I knew he was quite smart, he talked later than his brothers, he walked later, he wasn't potty trained and he still had a terrible temper.

I remember thinking one day, "This child is either going to be the Apostle Paul, or he is going to wind up in Prison." I kid you not.

I pledged to do everything as a mom to the Lord to help him succeed.
Really, to help them ALL succeed, but after he kicked my mom in the shin, I was on my knees about THIS ONE. LOL

As I began to pray, the Lord showed me that there were many things I was doing wrong.
I wasn't being tender enough. I was "man handling" him in a more controlling way. He couldn't handle that. I was also reading books that were not helpful. I remember reading the "Strong Willed Child", and after reading that I thought, are you serious?
He is WAY beyond that! If I followed those instructions, it would do NOTHING but serve to make him angrier and we would accomplish nothing but a battle.

I had plenty of advice. I can still hear the words, "If you don't get ahold of that boy....." "You need to Spank him, NOW!" "He is a brat!" "He is out of control!" "I wonder where he gets THAT behavior from?" (uh gee, I dunno, I must be teaching it to him at home?) "He's not potty trained YET?" "Well I know what I would do!" etc.

Needless to say, I heard many words of advice, invited and uninvited. My mother in law had the best words. She loved him unconditionally. One day as we were talking, she said, "I think he is afraid".... I pondered that for a while.

SHE was RIGHT... He was afraid of the toilet for sure, which kept him from being able to potty in it. He was afraid of being alone. He was afraid of being left. He was afraid to try new things......

When I thought about how I would parent a brash, boorish, rough, tenderhearted little boy who was AFRAID; I began to get somewhere with him. His behavior turned around so fast I was shocked.

As I looked back on his first few years, they were hard. My marriage had fallen apart and there was reason to have fear in our home.( I could write a book on this one, but I won't) He was born and mama could not be there. (I believe this is where it started: Read the Primal Wound by Nancy Verrier)
I know he "felt" unstablity in our home, and I felt it was my fault.

As circumstances changed for the better, this little guy emerged like the most wonderful blessing in my life.

He taught me SOOOO much about life, and about myself and about the Grace of Our Lord.
I learned that as parents, many times we want "law" for our children, but "grace" for ourselves. When we show "grace" to our children, as the Lord shows grace to us, it speaks volumes to them. When we love them as Christ loves us, it speaks volumes.

Now, I am not a perfect mom and never have been. Sometimes it is uncomfortable to type these things because I'm typing about my own family.... but if it can help one person to possibly see something they recognize, that is whey I do it.

BTW- Joe didn't go to prison. He is in Seminary now. He is married with a son. He is still very smart, and he is FUNNY and WHITTY and talented and I just love him.
I am so proud of him. And now, it is his turn. :)

Funny For The Day

The girlies are diagramming sentences.

The sentence was: Gorillas and Chimpanzees are apes.

She got it wrong, having "girlies as the subject", so I re read the sentence to her.

Her reply:

"Oh, I thought it said, "Girlies ARE chimpanzees and apes." LOL

When Adoption Goes Wrong 20/20 Show

Mike, Uncle Bob and I sat down last week and watched the 20/20 show about difficult adoptions. There was a family featured who had adopted 2 girls 11 and 8 from Russia.
They provided every material benefit for their new children. That is, everything except for what they really needed.
The show never says if the mother was working full time or part time outside of the home, or if she was home full time. It doesn't speak about how much time Dad was home or if he traveled alot.
Those are important lost facts.

What the show DID document was two people who had everything they wanted except children. So they went and bought some. Those are HIS words, not mine. He didn't feel he got his money's worth.

After less than 1 week, 1 WEEK! he was following an OBVIOUSLY GRIEVING child around the house with a camera. How RUDE is that? He was saying things like, can you believe this? etc.
Uh, yes sir I can.
You just turned this little girl's world upside down and overwhelmed her with your stuff. You pushed AMERICA on her until she thought she would vomit. Congrats.

When she was under the bed weeping, why oh WHY didn't mom or dad kneel down and stroke her gently and tell her it was ok? Why didn't they lay next to her quietly and weep with her and mourn her loss with her? NO, instead, he pulled her from her safe place and subjected her to the "Video camera".

Several years ago when Sarah first came she had tantrums. She didn't know anything else. She had no coping tools in her toolbox. I got out a video camera and kept it hidden. I did not video tape her to tape her screaming, I got it out to tape ME, so I could see what I was doing that might be prolonging her tantrum. What I found was that she did not want to be alone. She was scared. She needed me to not hover over her, even calmly and ask her to stop crying. She needed me to quietly hug her and rock her. Once we did that, the tantrums stopped. Of course before I could do that, during her happy times I had to rock her too. She needed it. We got out lotion and I would massage her foot, her stump, kiss it, kiss her good hand and her hand with missing fingers and count them. Then I would kiss them and she would count my fingers and kiss them. She knew very well that her deformity did not bother me in the least and she could be totally open with me. Because of the good connection, when she melted down, there was a connection tool to calm her. It worked so well the first time that we did it, she didn't have another tantrum.

We did something very similar with Anna who was good for a nuclear meltdown every day for a while. Then it went to about 2x's a week and eventually disappeared altogether.

The first few weeks our Erika was home were amazing. This beautiful, smart, almost 8 year old who could not speak english, was able to turn on every appliance in the house, open the fridge, and get into EVERYTHING... she pretended to not be able to do things we knew she could do, and told our friend who speaks Russian we were treating her like a Pet Dog, making her stay in the house while her sisters go out to play. LOL

(she was mad because she had to finish her math)

The truth is: I was HAPPY to see that fighting mad spirit in her; in ALL of them. WHY? Because it showed me they had a will to live, a sense of self and a sense of injustice. It may have been warped, but it was there, Praise GOD it was there!

Our job was to love them through it. It wasn't personal, it was survival. It wasn't personal, it was fear. It wasn't personal it was being a KID, a very HURT kid, who VERY much needed to be loved.

I often hear people say that 'Love is not enough". Love IS not enough; but not enough LOVE is not enough either! LOVE and PARENTING as unto the Lord, IS enough though. It DOES pay off.

We adopted from Disruption. One of the things that was mentioned when we got Sarah was that she was not the personality type child they expected. They wanted a greatful, quiet child and they got a hyper child.

One thing I would like to say is : IF YOU ARE A POTENTIAL ADOPTIVE PARENT:

WARNING: COUNT ON THE FACT THAT YOUR CHILD, NO MATTER WHAT AGE, has been NEGLECTED, ABUSED, REJECTED and HURT no matter HOW wonderful you think their orphanage was.


BUT THE GOOD NEWS IS: God is GREATER than ALL of THAT! It doesn't have to be the end of the story.
It isn't for our girls and they have horrific beginnings;each and every one of them.

When your child comes home and lashes out, PLEASE don't take it personally. Look at their strengths and likes and desires and USE THEM to work with. Don't try to make a child different than who they are. If they are hyper, give them stuff to do. If they are quiet, let them read. LOVE THEM FOR WHO THEY ARE RIGHT THEN AND THERE! IN the moment and never EVER withhold your love.
If they act like a baby, baby them. If they want to pretend to be your baby, let them.
We fed EACH of our girlies bottles and wrapped them in blankets and rocked them like babies for months. It was not FORCED upon them, (this is VERY important) they initiated it, and we followed based upon each child's need.

ALSO: Plan on things getting broken, messed up, and your house getting messy. Plan on them not understanding hygeine. This is something they will need to learn. It isn't their fault and they should not be shamed.

PLAN ON THEM HATING AMERICAN FOOD, so get used to making borscht, cabbage, meat, oatmeal, etc. Give them comfort foods.
I always look at things as if I were them. If I were a little girl and was adopted by a family from China, what would I do if they tried to force me to eat steaming hot rice and raw fish? I would probably throw up. Then, what if they thought I was being manipulative because I threw up and tried to force me to eat. Then I would sit there and they would say I was being defiant. Then they would try to punish me and I would cry and they would say I was having a melt down. Then I would not want to be around them for fear they would make me eat that awful stuff. They would take me to a counselor who would then say I had RAD.
The counselor would recommend they hold me even if I didn't want to be held. They would expect me to love these strangers and if I didn't, they would say I needed attachment therapy.... and a new cycle of "facing my problems" would start.
It would be all my fault and I would start to question my sanity. After all, now they say I have PTSD and other things and now I need medication. Then I start having side effects from those meds, so they give me another one, and now I have RAD, ADHD, PTSD, ODD, etc. etc. etc. etc. etc. etc. and the cycle goes on...... (I'm sure you get the picture)

This scenario is not far from what plays out in homes.

Counselors can be good and give good information, but they can also be terribly damaging. Some are NUTS folks. I mean that. NUTS! If we had followed what some folks have been told to do, I don't think we'd have the kids we have now.

You know, it is a "fad" to get counseling to "face your problems", to "deal with those deep down feelings".... what ever happened to letting the CHILD deal with them in his or her own time? WHY must we FORCE things. If you work on building a trusting relationship together, which takes TIME, those things will come out. Why do we fear our kids telling US things? Why must we force things to come to the surface before our children are ready? I am so against this, with EVERY FIBER OF MY BEING! If I were forced to deal with things I wasn't ready to, it would only serve to make me angry.

And where does Christ fit into this picture? Can't we lead our children to tell Him?
Why do they need an intermediary?

The couple featured in this show also did the most OFFENSIVE thing I have ever seen.
The girl's saw their baby brother beaten to death by his grandmother. The parents found out they had a brother, so even though they were having problems with their present adoptive children, they adopted a boy, to replace their brother! NO kidding!
That is SICK! You CANNOT replace somebody brother by buying them a new one~! AND what about the poor kid that was to be the new brother? How fair was that to HIM?
No surprise, he has all the diagnosis mentioned above, even though he looked TOTALLY normal when they got him. They never mentioned the meds he was on, during the show, but I'd take a bullet that they are many.

I will stop with this:
Adoption isn't for everybody, neither is parenthood. Years of neglect and hurt will not be wiped away by bringing our children to America, fattening them up and giving them a new bike and clothes. It will take TIME, and no amount of counseling will speed up the internal heart clock of any child.
The best thing we can do is as the scripture says, "weep with those who weep, laugh with those who laugh, there is a time for each of these. It will be up to future adoptive parents to instill a sense of TRUST, and children cannot TRUST you if you do not respect them.
What I saw on this show was a total lack of respect of these children.

One thing I did notice about the little girl Leeza, featured. When the new adoptive mom and dad came into see her, they didn't stand over her, they knelt down to her and look up. This must have made her feel great. Somebody cared about her enough to not stand over her and tell her to come, but to kneel down and introduce themselves. It showed kindness to her, and gentleness.

The other MAJOR issue I had with the show was the showing of parents who had killed their children, and then showed the children's pictures, making the children out to be the problem. Especially in the case of interviewing Peggy Hilt. I won't go into detail on this, but I was so sickened they showed an interview with her. You can google her story and read the real facts. The other picture was of a child who had down syndrome and had only been home 2 months. What, are they saying he had RAD? What can an 18 month old do?

I think I have said enough. Can you tell I have an opinion on this? LOL I am not anti counseling. But I am anti FORCED counseling. I am for respecting our children's rights to be who they are. None of our children have withheld their pasts. They have all openly talked to us, but it took time to establish the trust for them to do this. No amount of counseling would have caused that to happen. But TIME, lots of time, and lovingly accepting them in their happy moods, sour moods, scared moods, moody moods, and loving moods, and respecting them as individuals is what will lead to true attachment and reciprocal love. For some it will happen faster. For others, not so fast.

For those of you waiting for your kids: PLEASE! PLEASE! EDUCATE yourself on Post Institutionalized children. One of the best parenting courses we took was through the Local Child Protective Services offices. Great classes. Read books, lots of them. Discern them, take the good, throw out the bad. And most of all Seek the Lord for His wisdom. James 1:5 says he will give wisdom to all who ask.

Just Keep Christ Out Of It!

These were the words I heard as I spoke to somebody about the condition of man.
Over the years there have been many conversations, and while I truly care and want to be kind and understanding, at what point, when I hear heresy do I just keep my big mouth shut? Or, is it wrong to be quiet when somebody states things contrary to scripture as fact, to sit idly as they condemn themselves?

I'm not talking about theological twaddles regarding things in scripture that do not effect man's salvation; such as, "Are the gifts for today" or "should a woman cover her head in public worship"or "is the lord coming back in a Pre Tribulational Rapture, Mid tribulational rapture, Pre-Wrath Tribulational Rapture, or Post Tribulational Rapture. I'm not talking about if you are Pre melenial, Post melenial or Ah Melenial.... Those things ARE important,but they are not salvation issus. (please excuse the spelling)

However, when you get down to the basic Gospel, who Christ said He was, the salvation message, and the eternal state of man; THOSE discussions DO have eternal salvific importance and there isn't room to be wrong. Scripture is CLEAR on these issues, I believe scripture was given to us by God. It is God Breathed.

This person has swallowed a lie instead of truth. They think that there is no judgement, even though the scripture clearly teaches judgment. They think that there is no atonement, and that Christ never said he was God. They now believe when we die, we just go to God, and that is it. We'll be some kind of star or something. They think there is no hell, no condemnation, nothing. How do you get that from the Truth of Scripture? And, what is their version of God? It isn't the God of the Bible.
We CANNOT make up "god in our image" how we like him, and say we are worshiping God.
That is nothing short of idol worship of the worst kind.

I remember talking to my Chiropractor a couple of years ago. He was talking about all his Spiritual Religious Experiences and how he thought his house was haunted with spirits with unfinished business, etc. He said he was finding spiritual power in all kinds of religions,(other than Christ, of course) I listened quietly for quite a while, and then told him that even the scripture talks about how man will try to reach God a different way John 10:1. But Christ called him a thief and a liar, and then I told him; "you can climb up all kinds of spiritual ladders, and on the way up, you may find some interesting things, but the truth is, when you get to the top of your ladder, there will be no open door, you will hit a wall in search for God. Jesus Christ said, "HE was the Door". So, your climbing is in vein. He was rather dumbfounded with my answer, but remained quiet. I hope that those words pierced his heart in some way, with a sliver of truth.

Well, back to my conversation:

When we were talking, I said Christ Always Eternally existed. He is part of the Godhead, he is the CREATOR of ALL THINGS.... He is the Word, Before Abraham was born he said, "I AM". (they wanted to stone him because he claimed diety) John 1:1-3

I was told, we are all God. Ummm. No we aren't. We are created beings. Jesus Christ IS the creator, come down as a man.
And the conversation went on, and then I ended it, when the words were spoken, "Let's keep Christ Out of it!"

HUH!???? How do you keep Christ, out of the Creation? How do you Separate Him, from Himself?

I find it so very interesting that those who live in darkness continue to want to keep Christ out of it. They want Him out of the creation, they want him out of Christmas, to the point that people sign "Merry X-Mas" instead of "Merry Christmas". Oh they love to celebrate Christmas and the little baby being born... they just don't like the grown up Jesus. The one who brought judgment just by the fact that he was born. John 3:19.
They want him OUT of the Church, and His teachings to be powerless. They have taken His words and watered them to the point that they are no longer His.

Without Christ, without HIS atoning power,without his absolute WORD, where would we be? We would continue to wallow and wander in darkness. We do not have to walk in Darkness because Proverbs says HIS WORD IS A LAMP UNTO OUR FEET AND A LIGHT UNTO OUR PATH.

While Some Were Sleeping All Snug In Their Beds

While some were sleeping all snug in their beds, two little girls woke up feeling much better this a.m. and decided to surprise mommy! And what a great surprise! I just love it when they do this stuff. It brought me great joy and I know it brought them joy too!

Who says you can't scrub a floor or help load a dishwasher if you don't have feet? Not Erika!



Who says if you are just learning to stand on your leg you can't do the dishes and clean the counters? Not Sarah!



One sweet little girl is missing from the fun. She would have joined in, but she is still sick. Yesterday EVERYBODY was sick and Sarah could barely get her head off of her pillow because of a headache. Poor Anna is still down for the count, so we will all serve her today and help her to feel better. :)



I think they did an AWESOME JOB!



Thanks my dear little girlies.:) I love you.

The Truth Is: We're ALL Naughty

The girlies love to go on the Santa's Village Website and goof around. Now, they know that Santa is not real, but fiction, and just for fun. They do understand the true meaning of this holiday but as kids will do, they get caught up in the fun too. I do too. :) (note the santa tracker) LOL

But something struck me tonight that was very significant and it was also a great lead in for our Family Worship time.

Our Anna had written a letter to Santa on the website. The website asked her to check a box and say if she had been naughty or nice. Then, she could write a letter.
She checked Naughty.

She then went on to write: "I'd really like a green bike and for my sisters to have a doll, but since I've been naughty, you can cancel me from your list, but be sure to send my sister a doll as she just got a cast off of her leg."

My heart sank at first. I was saddened that my Anna thought she was naughty. I asked her about it and she said, "Well, mom, Honestly, I have been naughty sometimes this year."

I pondered that and thought, well, that is true. :) You see, she is not perfect.
The truth is, ALL of us would have to check Naughty. Because NONE of us are perfect.

As we began Family worship, we started to talk about "Naughty and Nice".....
Can we EARN favor with God by being Nice? Is Nice good enough? And then we talked about Sin and how there is NOTHING we can do to be nice enough, on our own, to earn Favor with God.
As our time unfolded, it became very clear that because of our Sin nature, we are naturally "naughty"; it is only in Christ that true "niceness" exists. Not the fake niceness, but genuine, permanent, heart changing.... LIFE CHANGING, SALVATION exists only in Christ, and it is based upon HIS GIFT to US. We can do nothing to earn it or deserve it.

What a contrast there is between Santa and Jesus Christ our Savior.....

The World says, "earn"
Jesus Says "repent"
The World says, "be nice"
Jesus says, "Be Holy"
Be Made WHOLE!

Oh I am so glad that I have salvation and not a lump of coal in my stocking.

We ALL deserve that lump of coal.
But Christ...... HE IS OUR DELIVERER and he delivers GRACE, UNMERITED FAVOR, UNDESERVED,UNEARNED and ETERNAL LIFE....

WHAT A GIFT! :)

IT IS CHRISTMASTIME AGAIN!

I put it in all caps, just in case you didn't know.:)

We have always had certain traditions that are related to Christmas, and during the Month of December, there are certain things that we do that are the same each year.

We always put the tree up the day after Thanksgiving, and drink Hot Cocoa, even if it isn't cold outside, and watch Miracle on 34th Street. (the old one with Natalie Woods)

Sometime during the early part of the month, we go and pick out 1 new ornament each to add to the tree. Last year we found a "backgammon game" ornament. That was mine. :)
The girls picked out bird ornaments. Daddy got a tool box ornament.

We also bake cookies to hang on the tree and the kids eat them off. :) One of my favorite memories was when Marcus was 2. I baked cookie ornaments and hung them on the tree. He apparently figured out they were edible and licked the icing on all the lower ornaments and we got ants that year. I had to put ant bait under the tree skirt to get rid of them. LOL

Establishing memories and habits at Christmas is so important for family. It doesn't cost a lot. You could have a habit of Mall Wandering on Black Friday, just for the fun of it. You don't have to buy anything. But letting the kids see the crowds, or go and see Santa, not to ask for anything or get a picture, but just to say hi, is a fun thing to do.

When Joseph was 3, he discovered Santa. We were taking a stroll at the local mall to see all the decorations. He was fascinated with Santa, and this Santa was a really great one. Real beard, real glasses and so kind and jolly. I never lied to the kids and told them Santa would do anything for them, but Santa is a part of our culture, and he is around at Christmas. So, I asked Joe, "do you want to visit with Santa?"
Those huge brown eyes said YES! So we waited in line. He sat on Santa's lap and told him all about his cars, and his daddy's truck, and all about his toys, and then he hopped off and said, "Merry Christmas". That was it. He didn't ask for anything, didn't get a picture (we didn't have the money for that luxury back then) and he was happy. We went to visit Santa about 3 times that year, and the Santa just loved Joe.
It cracked him up that he didn't ever ask for anything. He just wanted to talk.

When our girlies came into our home, they came with no memorable traditions and different memories of past Christmases; some very traumatic.
It would have been unrealistic to expect them to have a "Merry Christmas" and just take in all the fun. Especially for Sarah and Anna. It was also important to avoid the words, "In our family we do this, or in this family we do that".... That kind of wording can make a child feel "outside the family" or remind them of not always being here. Their own past memories will let them remember they weren't always here, we don't need to remind them.
When the girls were first at home, the Christmas tree represented the past to them. In fact, the first year we had Christmas with Sarah I called around to find out what had gone on the year before, as she was really upset with the tree. I received the information needed to help me to help her through the season. I actually thought about not having a tree anymore, as both girls just reacted so sadly to it and it made all those memories flood back.

But after discussing it with my level headed husband Mike, we figured it would be best to help them through it, as you really can't avoid Christmas Trees at Christmas.
It is up to us to help them build new special memories to replace the old ones, and to establish new family habits that the children will embrace. We have old traditions AND new traditions. Comfort foods have been added. I had never eaten beets before, but they are now a permenant comfort food in our home and they are served liberally at Thanksgiving and Christmas. The girlies like them baked like potatoes with butter and salt. I have also developed a liking for beet salad.

It might be a little soon to say, but I actually think that for the first time, this year, we are there. This is Anna's 6th Christmas with us. Sarah's 5th and Erika's 3rd. They were excited about putting the tree up. They were excited about finding their old ornaments. They were excited about finding the old movie we were planning to watch and Anna checked the refrigerator to make sure there was whipped cream for the Hot Cocoa.
Every year has gotten better and smoother than the one before and the most exciting thing is the kids memories are of Christmas's past.... the ones that have passed by here. That is such an awesome thing to hear them chatter and giggle about what happened last year and the year before; remembering who came to visit and who is going to come this year. I love seeing them pour over magazines and ads and envision what they might get for Christmas.
Erika has come a long way from asking for a comb. :)

Tis the season to be joyful, thankful and happy. Happy because of what the Lord has done in our lives. Happy because the girlies are happy. I feel true joy seeing them shine and flutter about with festive little hearts.

Over the next couple of weeks we will be making messes in the kitchen that will make me tired. And if I were to get lazy, I would probably tell them, "mom will do it", but that isn't what will make a memory for them. So they will mix and pour and make messes and make mistakes and get stuff all over the floor and we will clean it up, taste that cookie dough decorate the cookies, hang them on the tree, give them for gifts, and create another memory in their memory boxes to pull out at another time, continuing to help those past traumas lose their power and fade into the past.

Guess Who's Gonna Be A Big Brother!

Willis is! Yea! Can't wait until July! :)

Uncle Bob Visit Part 2

Poor Uncle Bob wasn't feeling too well. We gave him our colds to take home. You are welcome Uncle Bob. :)
We all had to stay home from Church due to being contagious. So we had a nice easy morning before Bob left to go back to Tulsa. Everybody was soakin' up love.

A Visit From Uncle Bob

We had a really nice visit with Uncle Bob. He came with a vehicle and no heat, and left with that same vehicle toasty warm. So it was a productive weekend. In the midst of all that work, we managed Thanksgiving Dinner, visits from other relatives and loads of backgammon games. Uncle Bob has been practicing and we are looking forward to a Backgammon Christmas Challenge.

Grand kids

Aren't they just the greatest little inventions? :)

Lillian and Will held still long enough for a picture or two. Lillian decided to make a face instead of smile. Will was fascinated with the Christmas Tree. We just put it up this a.m. I put the non breakables on the bottom part so the babies can do what babies do.
It was really fun seeing Marc, Ivy and Chuck and Jodie. Katie played her Oboe for us and she is on her way to being a great Oboist.

So here starts the Holiday Pictures!

An Executive Order From Daddy

Anna no longer has to fear our Vietnamese Customers coming over and looking at that duck. We have sold them ducks before and every time they come, she runs to hide the duck. :)

So Daddy granted the duck immunity and she is now an official pet. (besides, her eggs taste great) We raised her from an egg and she is 2 years old now.
AND...... this duck LOVES Anna.

Here they are playing together:




I think the Duck is Thankful..... quack....

Birthday Part 2

After the morning, we had company and Thanksgiving dinner, and then the Birthday Cake.




It was a good day. :)

Anna Is 10 !!!

Yesterday was Anna's Birthday. The first year we had her she turned 5 on Thanksgiving Day, and now, she has turned 10 on Thanksgiving Day. What a neat day we had with all the traditional visitors, turkey, stuffing, AND a birthday.

She chose to have a chocolate marbled cheesecake. Here we are making it, or is that eating it?




Anna enjoyed her present hunt:


It is tradition to hide the presents and they get to open them as they find them.
We were able to get Anna a stroller for her birthday this year. Gramma sent some clothes, a much loved book and a nice watch. She can practice telling time!

Surprise Surprise Surprise!

I went to Tractor Supply today to get goat feed. They asked if I wanted help getting my feed bags in the car to which I said YES! (they weigh 50 lbs each)

So this nice man helped me get them to my car. I popped the trunk open and the poor guy takes a gasp.... this is what he saw......


LOL! I forgot they were in the car. After he came out of shock I explained that they belonged to our daughter etc. etc.
I bet he'll never be shocked again to see another person's trunk. :)