Servanthood

"Sister let me be your servant, let me be as Christ to you. Pray that I will have the grace to let you be my servant too."

I love catching the girls taking joy in serving each other. 
Anna traded chores with Erika because it is harder for Erika to do this certain chore. 
Alli washed Erika's hair for her..... and when Sarah came in the house with mud on her foot, (somebody didn't wear their shoes outside) all over Anna's newly cleaned floor, Alli jumped into action and cleaned her sister's foot off.

Teaching Children Discernment

It is a LOT EASIER to just tell our children what they can read instead of teaching them discernment.
In the short term, we have no worries and our children are protected from books that we would deem unsuitable.

However, in the LONG TERM, this does NOT teach our children to be "self discerning" or teach them "self discipline".  Not allowing them to have these teachable moments can cripple them later.
 The girls go to the local library on a regular basis and read up a storm.  Anna and Sarah read ALL THE TIME.   I have MANY, MANY good books here, and they read them too, but it is just fun to go and check out books at the Library.

As the girls have gotten older, they have developed certain reading tastes and if I notice they are gravitating towards just one thing, I might make suggestions to try something new.  They are always willing! 

We have had many conversations about discerning reading material and what to do if you find a book that is not suitable.

A good litmus test of a book is the quality of the writing, combined with the content of the book.  Is the book uplifting?  Is the book teaching any kind of value?  ANY KIND?  Or is it just mind candy?

Of course the books I like for them to read show true values in life, honesty, integrity, and have a wonderful life solution.  There are also mysteries that are fun, and good always wins over evil.


THAT SAID:  We had an experience that I would like to share.   Sarah brought a book over to show me that looked like it was from a series she had read before, but a different title.  I didn't look at it very carefully and she didn't either, but she checked it out.

She loves mysteries and Nancy Drew type books.  So she was excited to start this book. 
She began to read it and didn't say much about it.  Daddy got up this a.m. and saw it on the table and began to read a little in it.   He asked, "Mom, have you read this?" 
I was busy cooking breakfast and said, "No, what is it?"

He began to read a most horrific scene of a child being dragged to a basement where there was blood, BY HIS PARENTS, who had his teeth ripped out so they could purchase more gin!  REALLY?
This is a CHILDREN'S BOOK??? This was in the CHILDREN'S section of the library!

We asked Sarah if she had seen that and she said she had.  Did you think that is something to keep reading?  She said she didn't think so, but was curious.  She was hoping for a better part and there would be a rescue, but nothing had happened. 

We went to the middle and back of the book and found even more awful things.  By then, I was feeling very badly for her because she didn't know.  And honestly, I didn't know there could be such DARKNESS out there targeted at children.
I guess I must be naive in thinking adults intend for children to read life giving, healthy books that teach virtue and goodness and love for each other.

This book was totally empty of anything like that.

Together we looked up the author to find only 1 paragraph available.  She was "fascinated with Macrabe since seeing a ghost as a child and ever since has been fascinated"..... She lives in a haunted house in Kent England where she displays a dismembered hand on her mantle.
YIKES!
BTW- her picture is lovely, so "normal" looking.

So then, as we researched a little more, we asked Sarah, "do you want to fill your mind with writings from this person?  Do you think this would be a good idea?   Of course her answer was no, and that she had no idea! 
Poor girl!  I apologized to her too because I had no idea either!

But we all learned something!  Don't judge a book by it's cover! 


The name of the book was "The Black Book of Secrets"....by F.E. Higgins.

I am thankful for my girls hearts that want what is good. I am thankful that they also love to read and do NOT want to read trash.  And I am thankful that they are learning to discern.

Why Am I Thankful?

OH MY!  Just let me tell you why!!!!
I am thankful, SO VERY THANKFUL, for each of the hard times and difficult situations I faced as a child, a young person, a young adult and a young mother.  Things didn't make any sense.... and I had to trust the Lord, that He was good, and that HE knew! 

HE DID KNOW!  He was using the very best way, to prepare me for the LIFE He had chosen for me.

Had I not been through some of the things I went through as a kid, I wouldn't have been able to relate to my girls or my boys as well. 
Had I not had struggles, I wouldn't have been able to understand another's struggles.

Had our son not been born with severe disabilities, I would not have been as open to "severe disabilities" when we brought the girls home.

Had I not suffered extreme rejection, I wouldn't have understood how it felt to be so  rejected.

Had I not struggled in learning, I wouldn't have been able to understand how frustrating it is to not be able to understand.

Had I not received the UNCONDITIONAL LOVE of a Savior.... I would not have understood unconditional love.

I am SO VERY THANKFUL for my life.  I am so full of joy right now.  The JOY of the LORD is my strength.

I am a mom to 8 children, 11 grand children, and a FANTASTIC husband.  I am blessed beyond measure. 
In the dark times of my life, I was being blessed without measure but I couldn't see it.  I didn't understand it was for my good!
Now I do.....and I am overwhelmed with gratefulness! 
To the Only One... Our God and Father be glory and honor and praise!

Random fun pics of the day..... Girlies are officially on Vacation! YEA!
Let the Baking Begin!

  Alli trying to figure out how to get the package open.  This recipe should be interesting......
She said, "Is this 1/4 of a cup?  She had measured 1 1/4 cup. :)  Glad we caught it!

 Sarah creating something very mysterious!

 Erika  just looking very pretty as usual. :)  Our brisket is thawing...... :)

Anna, finishing up her writing for the evening. :)

Special Needs Kids and Reading for Enjoyment : The Importance of Crawling!

This is partially about me. I am a little trepidatious to write it....

When I was a child, I am embarrassed to say, I LOATHED reading.  I had such trouble comprehending. I was a "good reader", meaning ORALLY, I could read perfectly. I just couldn't process what I had read. Consequently, trying to do chapter questions in a history book, or in a chapter book was torture, all through school. 

It would take me hours to do homework, and many times, I would just flat out get a bad grade after studying so very hard. 
I would spend hours weeping over math. My parents could not help as they did not have strong educations and were not encouraged to finish school.
My mother went to the 10th grade and my father went to the 6th grade.
In spite of their lacking in education, which was not uncommon for that time period, they did accomplished, paying bills, raising a family and working hard even though there were many hardships.
We moved a lot, so we never had a "history" for teachers to follow and help. 
I went to numerous schools, many times in the middle of the year.  I went to 3 different 6th grades and numerous other schools in other grades. 
I was a good oral learner and I was good at writing papers.  Book work however, or math were my down fall.
I used to go to the library because everybody said reading "Little Women" or "Little House on the Prarie" were books I'd enjoy!  I would check them out and couldn't get past the first page.
In 6th grade I was still reading  Dr. Seuss's  "One Fish Two Fish Red Fish Blue Fish" or "Green Eggs and Ham". 
I would check books out all the time, because that is what you are supposed to do. But I never read them.  I would just turn them back in.

My mom used to tell the story of how I never crawled as a baby.  She said  I rolled or scooted, but never crawled.
I am also left handed.
VERY LEFT HANDED! :)
There were these home movies of me as a baby taking my spoon in my left hand, my mother putting it into my right hand, and me putting it back into my left hand, getting frustrated when she tried to repeat the process.

By all accounts today, I would have been considered having learning differences and I am sure would have been placed in a special class in today's system. 

What happened to me later, after not finishing college because I just wasn't smart enough.... or so I thought, was nothing short of an accidental miracle. :)

I was 18 and newly married, my husband was a HUGE reader. I could never understand why book stores existed, but he loved them.  We would go to the mall and he would go into those awful places and READ and EXPLORE! I just didn't get it.  I would wander around looking at all the titles and be soooo ready to leave! 

When our first son was born, I was 20.  I began  to read things about children, and I was interested enough that I could understand what I was reading. 
I was also looking at cook books a lot....Like I said,  I could READ, I just had a hard time with comprehension.

When our son started crawling, I would crawl around with him.  We would have the funnest time having crawl races and playing peekaboo all over the house!  I think I crawled at least an hour or two a day!
Then came the next son, and the next and the next.....
I loved playing with my boys.  I was 24 when our 4th son was born.  I had been crawling for 4 years on a regular basis!
Somewhere during that time, I started reading the news paper, and then, magazines, and then everything I could get my hands on; especially my bible.

An entire world of books and reading began to open up!   I didn't quite understand what had happened, but I was so happy to be able to be like everybody else who enjoyed a good book!

Then, I came across an article in the news paper. It was all about the effects crawling had on reading.
A study had been done. Adults who had not crawled as babies were encouraged to crawl 15 or 20 minutes a day and they showed improvement in reading skills. 

Suddenly, I realized what had happened.  I cured myself unintentionally! LOL   All those years of crawling helped my brain develop the pathways that allowed my left and right brain to communicate better and I could READ! I could COMPREHEND!  I also found out, I was not dumb. 
I used to overhear things like, "She is not as smart as her sister", or "You are like me!"

So, I made up for lost time, and being a good oral learner and now a good reader helped me gain knowledge that I didn't have before.
 By 1991  I was working in the school system in the special ed department. My heart went out to those kids who were sitting there struggling just like I used to do.
I mentioned to somebody the crawling thing and was brushed off as having no right to an opinion; after all, I didn't have a PHD.  I could VERY CLEARLY see that what was being used for these students was not ever going to work unless they got to the root of the problem.
Of course I understand that not every reason for reading problems is the same.... but exercising the brain cannot hurt!
We had dyslexia, (which I think fits me, but I am not officially diagnosed) and brain damage due to a stroke at 16 days old.
The schools were saying that our second son could not learn.  He had AMBITION.... and I felt so for him. 
I also watched as teachers berated the children who struggled, didn't treat them with respect and made fun of them in the lunch room.  I listened as parents would walk out of an IEP and then the teachers would mock them.  IT WAS AWFUL!
(THIS IS NOT a broad brushed swipe against teachers... it was a real experience that I had in the particular school district we were in. I am sure there are wonderful teachers out there.)

It became very apparent that we were going to have to pull out of the schools if some of our boys were going to learn.
It was a scary decision, but I understood how I learned and it wasn't through pressure and constant remedial reading classes!
Thus began our life style change.  Everybody was home and some were very wounded from the school experience, just like I had been.

I began to tell the guys, you are smart! You can learn! Of COURSE YOU CAN LEARN! If I can, you can!
We went back to the very basics with two of them, and started all over again; because if your foundation is shaky, it WILL fail!  May as well get the foundation FIXED before you try to build upon it!

ANY LEARNING A CHILD DOES IS  MOVING FORWARD and should be celebrated no matter how small!
The results were:  Our boys learned! They not only learned to read, but went on to get advanced degrees in College!  Even our son who was written off as "retarded" and "handicapped", worked diligently to study and learn. Once he got the learning bug, he studied from the time he got up until he went to bed at night.....with JOY.  He was so thankful he could learn! 
He now works in the public school system.  He was teaching special ed but now runs the testing center at his school.

Fast forward once again to the girls!   (this is long because I have had a long life!) LOL

Each of them has had their own learning difficulties, due to early neglect, alcohol/drug exposure, brain trauma, and INTERNATIONAL adoption.... Having to learn a new language is HARD. In one case, she had to learn TWO new languages in a short time and had forgotten her first language. :(
I cannot imagine the frustration!   Well, I can. :)

Each of the girls has learned to enjoy reading to a degree.  Anna and Sarah LOVE TO READ. They devour books continually.  They are well known at the local library! :)
Erika reads well, but prefers to knit.  Erika was unable to crawl because of her disabilities.  I have been looking into brain exercises that would accomplish the same effects as crawling.  We need to implement them into our schedule!

Miss Alli could not read hardly at all when she first came home.  She was also very aware of being "behind".  Trying to convince her to go back to the beginning was a task, but we did it. :)
And it has payed off! 
She too, like I did as a child,  would go to the library, check out books and not read them.  Not any more!
She is now reading for pleasure! YEA!  Just this a.m she was telling me all about the story she was reading and how much she was liking it.  Her questions were so cute.... I could see her imagination opening up and a whole new world is open to her now.  The wonders of traveling into a book and experiencing a whole different reality.... dragons and woods and princesses. :)

I am so thankful that the Lord gave me the experiences I had as a child and young adult.   He knew I would need this knowledge in order to make a difference in my children's lives.  :)

Double Crusted Pecan Praline CheeseCake

I created a recipe for Pecan Praline Cheesecake.  But I tweaked it a little.....
I doubled the recipe and placed 1/2 the pecan mixture on the bottom and the other 1/2 on the top.

It had to be cooked longer.... 1 hour and 10 minutes.
This is when I took it from the oven.  It will settle back down as it cools.   Can't wait to try it at the pot luck tonight......
Right now I am having to rush the cooling in the freezer.  Yikes!

My Little Women

 My Little Women are growing up!

We have been taking pictures in front of this cabinet for MANY years!  I cannot believe how big my girls are getting. :)
Here are a few OLD Photos is the same place!

 And here are a couple of  OLD photos of the guys. :)

 

 And just for grins:  This is my action picture so Erika could get the setting right on her camera. I was to run down the hall screaming.... :)   I think I succeeded. LOL
It could be labled: Thanksgiving is WHEN???

I love my family. :)

An Alli Update..... Almost 21 months home. :)

I have to say, we are ENJOYING our Alli time. :)
Many of you have followed us from the day she came into our lives.  March 2, 2011 was the day we arrived in NC to pick her up.

These last almost 2 years have been so amazing.  I have learned SO MUCH! 
HONESTLY and TRULY.... I was afraid.  I didn't know what to expect.  I didn't know what path our lives would take.
I read blogs and information all the time that would have suggested we were in for DARK TIMES that would never go away.

But then.... that is just FEAR talking.  It TRULY IS. 

I was talking to our Social Worker friend tonight about another child who is being disrupted. It was so sad to think of yet another child, having to start over AGAIN. :(  Yet as we talked to each other,  we were so happy to be a PART of Alli's story.... together.  That is how God uses each one of us! We each play a part in the life of another. 
 I am THANKFUL we get to play the "Parent" part. :)  Actually , we are the REAL DEAL.... the REAL PARENTS and I am so thankful to be mama to an INCREDIBLE daughter; actually to 4 incredible DAUGHTERS and 4 incredible SONS!:)

Alli is HOME.  Alli is FUNNY and LOVING and CARING and SENSITIVE and INQUISITIVE and ADORABLE. 
THAT IS OUR ALLI!
And she is NOT AFRAID to try new things. 

She decided to try her hand an embroidery and created a design by herself and started to work on it!
WOW!
She is headed full force into the Holiday season holding her head up high!  She is REALLY excited about getting another Christmas Ornament for the Tree. :) 

I pray that the young man who is without parents as of tonight, finds LOVING parents who will take care of him and help him to heal.

Focusing On Adoption part 3: After You Get Home

 Erika and Sarah in the Orphanage

 Erika and Sarah's groupa. :) 

I have wanted to spend some time sharing thoughts about adoption, since it is National Adoption Awareness Month.  This is my third post to share.  Here are links to Part 1 and Part 2. These are just thoughts from my heart.

When you get the call.... it is Sooooo EXCITING!   All the paperwork, all the waiting, all the praying, and more waiting is gone, and it is time to go and get your child.  This is the child you know is yours. 
There are many reasons for adoption.  There are those who just love children and want to provide a home and feel a calling to do it.  There are those who for whatever medical reason, cannot conceive children. There are those who do not WANT to conceive children, yet they want children. There are those who waited too long before conceiving and had a change of heart and decided they wanted children after all.  NO MATTER THE REASON.... Adoption is a TWO SIDED COIN.
It brings joy, but it is only birthed through trial and sadness. 
OUR GAIN was somebody else's LOSS.   OUR JOY, was wrought through another's sorrow and we MUST NOT forget that!
WHY?  Because something very sad had to happen in  order for us to be able to adopt. 
Our children have SUFFERED GREAT LOSS.  GREAT LOSS....  Some were neglected and abused, some abandoned, some left for dead, some so mistreated that recovery would seem a miracle......
And we parents come in ALL excited to bring our little ones home.  
DON'T be the Parent who gets all excited about bringing the child home and forgets to prepare for PARENTING THE CHILD!
That is like the Bride who prepares for the Wedding, but forgets there is a marriage that follows!

During all that waiting, EDUCATE yourselves!  Visit and talk to other adoptive families, research sights like www.beyondconsequences.com, www.empoweredtoconnect.org, and many more!
Read about the results of extreme neglect and deprivation. Read about the effects of no love or attention and for HEAVEN'S SAKES.... Don't fall into the trap of, "We adopted young so we won't have any attachment issues." OR "We would never adopt older children because they are more damaged!"  THIS IS FALSE!

Every person born on this planet is an individual with a different personality and set of circumstances. There is not ONE that is the same! Not one! 
HOWEVER, general observations can be made regarding human nature and neglect that we should ALL be ready to pay attention to and listen to.

After you get home, you will basically be strangers living under the same roof! Please recognize that your child has a story and a life that has been lived completely separate from you.  They need to be allowed to grieve and process what is happening to them.
Some children are delighted to be with you. Others, not so ready.
Slow and Steady, they will eventually be ready. :) 
BE PATIENT, TENDER AND KIND during this transition, keeping their worlds small. 
Have as simple a schedule as possible, but do things they can count on.  Breakfast, Lunch and Dinner at the same time each day along with bath time, bed time and wake up time, should be made  a priority!
A variety of foods, especially FAMILIAR foods for THEM should be served. 
Offering lots of snuggle and play times together to get to know each other is a must!  Lot's of smiles and I love you's whispered into their little ears will help to give them confidence, even though they do not understand what you are saying.

Be EVER SO CAREFUL to have a welcoming body language and tone of voice!  At this stage the slightest tenseness can lead to insecurity and a meltdown.

If you have adopted older children, PLEASE DO NOT FORCE them into some sort of counseling, forcing them to face things they may not be ready to face.  I feel so strongly about this! 
So many are too quick to LABEL our kids and those labels can be destructive. ESPECIALLY if your view of a label is that is what defines your child.  RAD, ADHD, ODD, PDD, PTSD, FASD etc....are LABELS. THEY ARE NOT YOUR CHILD.  Do not ALLOW Them to DEFINE them.  Just because somebody says a child with RAD cannot love, or a child with FAS cannot have self control.... I can say HOG WASH..... Yes they can and yes they do.  Do they learn differently? YES.  BUT THEY LEARN.   Do they LOVE?  YES THEY DO.... and guess what.... those labels disappear.
Or they become way less important.

HEALING WILL HAPPEN AT HOME if you LET IT!
As your children learn you are trustworthy, they will confide in you. TRUST ME ON THIS! It is true!

If YOU need counseling, GO.... get ideas, ask for help with your own temper and issues that will CERTAINLY come out with a new and stressful situation! 
But don't force this on your children.

You can do nothing better than to let your UNCONDITIONAL LOVE pour into your child.

Practice loving your child by finding 1 thing that you can admire about them. It could be their laugh, their smile or the way they walk or talk.  Focus on that and love it in them.  I remember Alli's laugh. It was so adorable. I focused on that for the first few weeks.  And just loved her laugh.  For Erika, it was her famous bright eyed expression....For Sarah it was her cute little voice and for Anna it was her beautiful blonde hair.....
Then I'd pick something else to love and admire and as I got to know them..... I love THEM FULLY just as they were. It doesn't take long.
There will always be negative behaviors.... ehem..... remember we have them too. :)
Try not to focus on the meltdowns, hitting, spitting, kicking, pinching, biting, kicking, or being called a stupid old lady from Texas. :)
If you focus on those, you will have a hard time seeing out of the fog of despair that sometimes surrounds you! :)  You MUST RISE ABOVE IT TO PULL YOUR CHILD FROM THEIR GRIEF AND DESPAIR!
Those are fleeting moments that DO NOT DEFINE your child.  IF you see those behaviors, REMEMBER.... PLEASE REMEMBER... YOUR CHILD IS FRIGHTENED, NOT EVIL.
                                                                  FRIGHTENED!!!!!
With fear come many unwanted behaviors.  But as you LOVE your child, and get to know them and they get to know and  TRUST YOU, those behaviors will dissipate!  Yes, BE GONE!
And it is SUCH A JOY to get to the other side! Each little step is a step in the right direction! Don't LOSE FOCUS..... you are in the trenches of bringing LIFE into a child who was dying a slow and painful death.
HEALING HURTS.  HEALING ALSO REVEALS OUR OWN PERSONAL HURTS that WE never dealt with and neatly brushed under the carpet of our hearts.  
See this time as a BLESSING in your own life that you are now facing DEALING with past hurts!
It is TIME FOR YOU TO HEAL, so you can help your child heal!
Oh what a wonderful God we serve!  He LOVES us and is an example for us to follow! :)
He layed down HIS life.... We are to lay OUR lives down!

AND THIS IS THE TIME TO DO IT!

I guarantee you times will be hard.  Some of  you  might second guess your decision...  But Don't! Just because something is hard does NOT mean it isn't the right thing or that God didn't call you to do it!
He didn't change His mind! :)  
That is when we learn to depend upon HIM and HIS SUFFICIENCY.  We do this through HIS STRENGTH, not our own.  We embrace Sorrow and Suffering WITH our children for awhile, so that Joy and gladness can be planted into their hearts. :)

And the JOY that comes.... is indescribable.  It is incredible.  It is so deep and so wide and so rich and so full.   I cannot describe it. 
Both Mike and I were laying in bed this a.m. and he said he was the luckiest man in the world. :)
Honestly, I think we are BOTH so fortunate to have walked through the door that God brought us to.

Was it scary? Yes. 
To some, we were crazy! What about retirement?  Weren't 4 enough?  5 enough? 6 enough? SEVEN enough?  EIGHT ENOUGH??  
We'll be done when the Lord shuts that door. :) 

So when your child comes home, be patient, kind, full of love and forgiveness.... be diligent to walk alongside them and teach them tenderly the things of life. 
Don't forget.... after the adoption is where life begins.....
HEALING BEGINS AT HOME!

A November Funny Courtesty of Alli

Alli- "Mom, my toe is hurting!" (pointing to her ankle)
Mom- "Which toe?"
Alli- "The one I'm pointing at!"
Mom" Ummm, that is an ankle."
Alli- "Ok, so I don't have all my body parts down yet.... My ankle hurts. "
LOL

I don't know if we should go to soccer today.... Anna's hip is hurting, Erika's leg is hurting though we had her legs adjusted again yesterday, but today she is still in pain.  Sarah is on crutches and Alli's toe ankle is hurting.... 
Of course, Alli and Sarah insist they can go and play soccer.


On another sweet note.  Anna finished Erika's kitchen today while I ran to get dog food, because Erika couldn't do it. 
While we were in bed this a.m. Mike said, "I think we have the sweetest girls in the world."  I think he is right. :) 
Love them all so much.

Oh The Cleverness of Anna

Anna has been working on typing.  I told the girls that after this year, I will be requiring papers to be typed.  I was very impressed that she figured out how to do her Language Arts lesson on the computer!   

 Way to go my Clever girl! :)

The Dentist.....

Erika and Alli had dental appointments yesterday afternoon.  I was really surprised that BOTH of them had 3 cavities!  They actually high fived each other for having the same amount! LOL

Erika's were tiny.... But Alli's were bigger and in a really odd place; behind her front tooth and the tooth next to it.  It was much larger and only in SIX MONTHS! Yikes!

So we did Erika's fillings yesterday, and brought Alli back today to do her fillings. 

When Alli first came home, she had 7 cavities filled.  Her teeth were a mess.  She insisted on having her teeth filled without novacaine.  She did really well having them do that... but I thought it odd that she would want to do it that way. I watched the entire process and she was a rock!

THIS TIME however..... she said, "I want to be numbed."  But... she is very afraid of needles.
She asked me to go back with her and sit with her which I did.  We have a great dentist that allows patients and parents to be real. :)

I could see her face full of fear when that needle showed up.  We had her watch a movie and she had little tears when the novacaine was administered.... and then the drilling started....

She had to have the procedure stopped a couple of times because she just wasn't numb enough.  FINALLY she was numb enough, but she needed mom to hold her hands.

I was analyzing this whole appointment and looking at the difference between the two drilling episodes.  The first time, when she had been home just 6 weeks, she was brave and independent; putting on a strong front.  THIS time, she was vulnerable and showing emotion, letting me know she was scared.  This was a MUCH more REAL experience than the one before.

I found it comforting to know that she is allowing herself the luxury of  feeling vulnerable; and to let others know she needs me too.  She was not faking being brave.  She instead was herself, and it was precious.  She hung onto my hands like there was no tomorrow! :)

I came home and told Mike about it and he had the same thoughts. She is HOME.... WAY HOME! :)

So, all those teeth are now filled and HOPEFULLY we will not have more cavities!  That is wishful thinking, I am sure! :) 
But the dentist visit was a confirmation of what has been a reality in our home for a while.  Miss Alli has had GREAT HEALING in her life.  She is settled and she is TRUSTING her mama and daddy. She is not afraid to show her real self.  And she is comforted by mom and dad. :)

A Funny and A Delight

I try to word requests in a question form instead of a command form.  99% of the time, I get compliance.  Last night.... no so.
I asked Miss Alli, "Honey, would you like to go get some firewood and bring it in?"
She said, "No, not really."  It was an honest answer. :)

She then said, "Mama, would you like to play "old fashioned"? 
She is fascinated with all old, including our oil lamps, antiques and 1800's history.
So I said, "Sure!"
I had to pretend to be a store keeper.  She needed to purchase 3 pieces of paper.  I charged her 6 cents.
Then, I asked her, "And what is your profession?"
She replied, "Oh Miss, I sell firewood!"
Oh, "May I purchase 6 sticks of firewood?"
She said, "Yes Maam! and Happily ran out to bring in the firewood!" LOL

This a.m.  I heard somebody putting away dishes from the dishwasher and putting what wouldn't fit in last night INTO the dishwasher.  I thought, WOW! Miss Alli is up early.  It is her week for dishes.
Instead, this is who I found doing all that work with a happy heart. :)

 Thank you Anna for your sweet servant's heart. :)

Pesto Noodle Dinner

Tonight we had a WONDERFUL dinner and there were NO leftovers!
We had rice noodles mixed with a Basil, Walnut, Garlic.Olive Oil Pesto. 
We served the noodles with steamed garlic and corn, and broiled onions.
WOW! All those flavors came together for a wonderful GLUTEN FREE-NIGHTSHADE free meal! :)
I should have taken a picture beforehand..... It was devoured! LOL

Focusing on Adoption part 2: Walking Through The Door

Since it is National Adoption Month I wanted to write a few thoughts down to share.  A couple of days ago I wrote about "Focusing On Adoption".

Let me start with saying I absolutely DESPISE paper work! It is probably one of the most stressful things in my life.  And adoption requires HUGE amounts of carefully filled out PAPER WORK.  But the Lord was gracious and helped us through it.  Mike helped a LOT with it also. so that the primary burden wasn't on me. 
There is also a PRIZE at the end of the paper work! You get to bring home a wonderful little one to love. :)

The processes for International Adoption, Domestic Adoption, and Private Adoption through disruption have some similarities, but they are each a different ball game altogether.
Each require a Home Study.  But that home study will be different because the requirements are different for each situation.

The Foster Care system is not a bad system to adopt from. They however make it VERY CLEAR, they are NOT an adoption agency.  If you want to adopt through that system, you need to be certified as Foster Parents, which we were.  The Classes offered are VERY GOOD in Texas and Oklahoma. I do not know how many states are using them, and even some agencies here in Texas use something different. But the CPS PRIDE classes are very valuable.  Take them SERIOUSLY!

The process of International Adoption is very different based upon the country you adopt from.  The extra complications with International Adoption are the volatile state of adoptions being shut down at any given moment based upon a  judge's personal idea of international affairs.  In Ukraine, it is called a "Blind" adoption country.  You are not SUPPOSED to go and pick a child before hand.  It has been done, including by US, but that was because Sarah knew Erika, so it was allowed. 
Typically, you go and they present files to you and you pick from the file after you get there.
It can be a very stressful process.  Three of the sweet little boys who spent time with Erika and Sarah at their orphanage were brought home in this process to a wonderful family in Tennessee. :) 

With international Adoption, you will also spend time outside of your country.  Sometimes a LONG time.  We stayed around 33 days, a little over a month.  It can be longer in some places and shorter in others, like China. 
We THOROUGHLY enjoyed our stay despite the stresses of the process.  We lived in an apartment and just became a part of a neighborhood, cooking and shopping, tasting Ukrainian foods and enjoying long walks. EVERYWHERE.... we walked, unless we were doing official business.
If I have anything to say to somebody going to another country.... DON'T FORGET TO ENJOY IT!
It is a once in a lifetime chance. :)
And don't forget to bring:  Zip lock bags and this little device made for women so they can pee standing up! :)  Yes I am SERIOUS!  Sometimes there is just a hole in the floor.  I was not made for this.  I will say no more on that subject. :)
The extras required for IA are also MORE background checks, including Interpol, approval from Homeland Security, Approval from the country, more tests from doctors including a psychological profile, and everything has to be apostilled by your state department, or the state department where the document originated.  If you were born in Nevada, you would have to have your birth certificate apostilled in Nevada. etc.
Apostilling is the state department certifying that the notary who signed your documents was a real notary.
Also, MAKE SURE your notary's signature is not going to expire for at least 2 YEARS! Otherwise, if there is an expiration of a document, you have to do it all over again!
International Adoption sort of reminds me of Publisher's Clearing House Sweepstakes......there is always something new to fill out. :)

For Adoption Disruption, the process is less complicated, especially if you have already adopted.  You need to have your home study updated. 
It is VERY IMPORTANT that you FOLLOW THE LAW.  We had to wait for 2 weeks in North Carolina with Miss Alli until the ICPC paperwork went through between social service agencies.
It was not complicated, just time consuming. 
The ICPC gives permission for a child to travel with you to another state.  It is there for the safety of the child to prevent child trafficking!

But the very FIRST THING that MUST happen, is the parents who are disrupting need to fill out the paperwork for an attorney stating that they are terminating their parental rights.  It is a very detailed paper. It leaves no question what is being done.   After 7 days, it cannot be revoked.  We brought Sarah home without this being signed and it was a harrowing few weeks for her and for us. It left us with no legal representation.
When this paper is filed in court, at the same time, a petition for Adoption is filed and you are granted guardianship. 
I know of people who have brought children home, and then had a family change their mind.  It is gut wrenching for all.  PROTECT YOURSELF and YOUR FUTURE CHILD.
The petition for Adoption takes anywhere from 3 months to a year depending upon what state you live in.  The adoption is finalized AFTER that time period has passed.
The cool thing is, that your child gets to be with you DURING the process. For Sarah's adoption, we showed up in Court and it was like a normal adoption.  For Alli's it was in NC, so we couldn't be there. It was more of just a paperwork process.   But we sure did celebrate when the paperwork went though and we received it in the mail! :)

Just remember, when you are are going through the process, all the fingerprinting, probing,  visits from social workers, apostilling, and stress is so worth it!

Our Sister Elayne

Our sweet sister Elayne is still in the hospital. Now, her condition has turned to pneumonia.  She will be having a 3rd surgery tomorrow to try and correct the chest tubs and have new ones inserted.

Please keep her and our family in your prayers.

Thank You!

Focusing On Adoption Part 1

(Sarah and I.... home about 6 weeks)

Once again, November is Adoption Awareness Month.  I wanted to write a post relating to how our lives have changed because of Adoption....

Adoption is a THEME that is all throughout the New Testament.  The story of Redemption, is an Adoption Story.  Romans 8:15 says, For you did not receive a spirit that makes you a slave again to fear, but you received the Spirit of sonship. And by him we cry, "Abba, Father." 

I really LOVE that verse. It makes so much sense to me.  A child who is afraid, does not feel comfortable with calling somebody "Father".... but a Son, has full access, anytime, to come to His father, climb in his lap and adore him. He is safe.

Adoption, is a very, clear, physical  picture making a Spiritual Truth, very tangible. 

Our children at one time were lost. They were lost in a system of hopelessness and despair.  They were lost in a system that promoted FEAR and LOVE did not exist.  There was no feeling of safety at night; only tears.

Each of our children have their own story to share.  Each of them lived in conditions that are unfathomable to most Americans.  The depths of despair and depths of darkness from where they came is indescribable. You just have to be there to understand.

Yet, today, EACH OF THEM THRIVE!   I have chills and tears to even think about it. 

ADOPTION CHANGES LIVES FOREVER!

We are not great people. We are not heroes. We are not special...... We are plain and simple people.

YET GOD moved upon our hearts to do something not so plain and simple. :)

HE CALLED US out of our ordinary lives to do something "not so" ordinary. :) 
And we are LOVING every minute of it. :)

Had our girlies not come home to us..... I do not know what would have happened.  I DO know, for 2 of them, they would have been shipped to Western Ukriane to live the rest of their lives out in a mental institution.  I cannot handle the thought of that.

 I cannot STAND the thought that Erika was kept in a crib for her first 4 years of life.... and the tortured memories she came home with.  Her cries of abject despair chilled my bones in the middle of the night when she would cry out.
BUT SHE CRIES NO MORE! NO SHE DOESN'T!  She is full of JOY! She is full of confidence! And she is happy.
To think of My Anna in an endless stream of foster homes, makes me sick at heart.  She was so hurt, fragile and MISUNDERSTOOD!  But not today.  Today she is a lovely girl, full of life and LOVE.

To think that My Sarah was in a TB Sanitarium, all alone in a room all the time.  For the missionary to say she was like a "Wild animal with extreme consternation in her eyes"...... She wouldn't let anybody touch her, and then she didn't want to let go.
To think of her journey through all of that, and then to an adoptive home and then extreme difficulty and on to our home breaks my heart when I think about it.   
BUT TODAY....she is a FUNNY, CONFIDENT, LOVING daughter. She is so full of life! 

And our sweet Alli... who had some pretty awful beginnings in her bio family.  Add to that 2 failed adoptions and one VERY VERY HURT and ANGRY little girl.    Where would she have wound up? In some sort of group home or foster care is what we understood...... YET TODAY... SHE IS THRIVING!
In fact, tonight, I called her to do her dishes. She not only rose to the task, but while doing something that isn't her favorite thing to do, she turned around to me and said, "Mama, Did you know I'm a neat kid?"  "Did you know you are a wonderful mama?"  "Did you know that we have a great family!"

Yes, each of my girls has a REAL Mama and a REAL Papa.  They are tangibly LOVED and cared for, and each of them has blossomed into the beautiful fragrance that LOVE produces.

Adoption is ALL ABOUT lives being transformed.  It is ALL about giving and loving.  It is all about grace and mercy.  And we are IMMENSELY BLESSED because of adoption.

Our lives have been touched and CHANGED forever.  God's plan for our family was not that we would be wealthy or go on vacations. It certainly was not early retirement. LOL  It was not that I would have a great career outside of our home, or that Mike would go far from home to work.  So far the shoppe in the back of our property does pretty good! :)  His plan was to teach us just how much He loves us, by teaching US to unconditionally  love our children.
I cannot name the times I have spent realizing just how much He loves me, as I see myself in my girls.
What a beautiful picture HE has painted in our lives. 

Thank you Lord for our precious children. Our precious BOYS who were ALSO adopted by Mike.... and our precious girls whom you gave to us to care for and tenderly love and nurture. 
Thank you Lord for healing their little hearts and mending them. Thank you for giving them once again, the capacity to love  and for giving them the gift of  feeling safe. :)

We are such a small part of the adoption world.  One little child at a time is brought home and nurtured back to love. 
Thank you Lord for calling us to be a small part of your very HUGE plan. :)

We are blessed!

Pecan Praline CheeseCake

I have been thinking about what to make for a special desert for Thanksgiving and Christmas.  We have all these Pecan trees and I thought about Pecan Pie.  But everybody also likes Cheese Cake. 
Since we are a gluten free household, we don't eat pie crusts or graham cracker crusts.  I decided to develop a recipe from the best of both worlds.  I tried it out today and it was WONDERFUL!


So, I am sharing it with you! :)  (In the photo I didn't chop the pecans enough to make an even base, so I adjusted it in the recipe. )  I'll get a picture of the full cheesecake before slicing on Thanksgiving day. :)

PECAN PRALINE CHEESE CAKE
1/4 cup corn syrup
1/2 cup sugar
2 tsp vanilla extract
2 eggs beaten
1/4 tsp creme of tartar
dash of salt
1/4 cup butter melted (unsalted)
1 1/2 cups pecans chopped
(mix all ingredients together and pat into bottom of spring form pan, OR baking dish of choice)

Cheesecake filling
3 eggs
3 pkg of creme cheese
1 cup of sugar
2 tsp vanilla
1/4 tsp creme of tartar


Beat eggs with mixer until yellow and frothy.
Add sugar, vanilla, cream of tarter and and creme cheese. (at room temperature)
Blend until smoothe.

Pour onto pecan mixture.

Bake at 350º (preheated oven) for 1 hour 10 minutes or until sides begin to turn a golden brown

Remove from oven and cool for about an hour.  Cover and refrigerate for several hours.

I adjusted this recipe to improve it.  I omitted the whipping creme and added another package of cream cheese and an extra egg.  I also increased the sugar from 2/3 cup to 1 cup to make up for the extra creme cheese and egg. It turned out wonderfully.... more dense and stable.

THOUGHTS ABOUT GIVING

I took the girls yesterday to purchase some items for shoe boxes to be shipped to other countries. 
While I was there, somebody ran into us and said we should just shoppe at the "Dollar Tree" for items.
Now, I have shopped at that store ONE time, and ONE time only.  It is JUNK.  Sorry Dollar Tree, but the items we purchased were NOT WORTH the dollar we spent.

It got me to thinking about how we, who have MUCH, seem to think it is ok to give JUNK to those who have nothing. :(  And then I felt sad.

I want to teach my girls that orphans do not deserve JUNK. They deserve the BEST we have to offer them. All of my girls are former orphans.  I am sure they received a box like this at one time.
So when we bought jump ropes, we bought the best we could find.  We bought the best tooth paste and the best combs, so that those who receive them will not have a toy that falls apart in a day, or a comb that tangles in their hair.

Those who are less fortunate are not stupid. They know when something has value and when it is just somebody else's junk.  This goes for giving clothes away to Good Will or for other charities.  Don't give clothes away that you wouldn't wear on your own body!  Why would anybody think if they wouldn't wear it because of that huge stain, that somebody else would like to?

And when you give food to the food bank, why buy the good stuff for yourself and the cheap stuff for the food bank? Buy that beautiful can of peas in the silver wrapper and give it to the food bank. By the generic for yourself!  Give the BEST to those who are in need!

As you give to those less fortunate, it is just like you fed Christ, or clothed Him, or visited Him..... GIVE to those in need as if you are giving to Royalty.

We do plan to support an Angel from the Angel tree again this year.  And I will teach my girls to give from the heart and take great care to treat the recipient as if THEY were that person.

THANKFUL

I am thankful for the process. I am thankful that GOD is in control, raising up leaders and bringing them down.  I can rest in the Lord that there are no mistakes, even in elections.  Yes, we are NOT just red and blue states; We are the UNITED STATES. :)
God Bless America.

HOW MANY GIRLS....

How many girls can you fit into the Minich House??? 

A LOT!  I never got a full view of all those girls! :)
Bright Lights met at our house today. It is a group of girls, all home educated. We meet 2 x's a month and the girls have a wonderful time. :)

I think, my best guess was 25. :) Then, there were the boys that were running around outside!
I am thankful for each of these girls and moms who are committed to "Bright Lights". :)

Today, they participated in making "Operation Christmas".  Boxes are being sent across the world for those who are in need. Each little girl wrote a sweet letter wishing the recipient a Merry Christmas.

We had a great day!

Ilse

This is our sweetie pie grand daughter Ilse! :)  She is learning to stand and getting so big!  Ilse has Smith Lemli Opitz Syndrome and has to be tube fed through her tummy.  She is at the Dr. because there is a little bleeding in her tummy.  Her mama and I would appreciate prayers for her, and that they can get to the bottom of why there is blood.  Her mama Emily is holding her hands and adoring her, like all mama's do :)

A SLIGHT DETOUR

PLEASE GO VOTE IF YOU HAVE NOT    ALREADY DONE SO!
You can vote with out being shot. You can vote with out dying for voting.  HOWEVER, MANY, MANY died in your stead, for this right. 
Honor them! VOTE!

A November Funny from Sarah

"Mom, can I have a brain? I've never had one!"
Yes Sarah, you can.... 

(finishing off the left over body parts candy) :)

Anna and Bella

 Bella is almost 5 months old!  What a wonderful gift to our family, and especially to Anna.

Anna always dreamed of having a dog like Bella.

 Isn't she just adorable?

 Bella, this is a ball! :)

 And this is a High Five.

 Bella is teething. :)

 I think Bella is a keeper. :)    Anna is doing a fantastic job training her. She reads all sorts of books on the subject and I have learned some things from Anna about dog training!

Friday Soccer Days

Every Friday, barring RAIN, we meet at the park with several other families and have a soccer game.
It is a great time to get together and let your hair fly in the wind.  Everybody gets to play, including Erika.  So thankful for good friends and loads of kids around here. :)