My Little Women

 My Little Women are growing up!

We have been taking pictures in front of this cabinet for MANY years!  I cannot believe how big my girls are getting. :)
Here are a few OLD Photos is the same place!

 And here are a couple of  OLD photos of the guys. :)

 

 And just for grins:  This is my action picture so Erika could get the setting right on her camera. I was to run down the hall screaming.... :)   I think I succeeded. LOL
It could be labled: Thanksgiving is WHEN???

I love my family. :)

An Alli Update..... Almost 21 months home. :)

I have to say, we are ENJOYING our Alli time. :)
Many of you have followed us from the day she came into our lives.  March 2, 2011 was the day we arrived in NC to pick her up.

These last almost 2 years have been so amazing.  I have learned SO MUCH! 
HONESTLY and TRULY.... I was afraid.  I didn't know what to expect.  I didn't know what path our lives would take.
I read blogs and information all the time that would have suggested we were in for DARK TIMES that would never go away.

But then.... that is just FEAR talking.  It TRULY IS. 

I was talking to our Social Worker friend tonight about another child who is being disrupted. It was so sad to think of yet another child, having to start over AGAIN. :(  Yet as we talked to each other,  we were so happy to be a PART of Alli's story.... together.  That is how God uses each one of us! We each play a part in the life of another. 
 I am THANKFUL we get to play the "Parent" part. :)  Actually , we are the REAL DEAL.... the REAL PARENTS and I am so thankful to be mama to an INCREDIBLE daughter; actually to 4 incredible DAUGHTERS and 4 incredible SONS!:)

Alli is HOME.  Alli is FUNNY and LOVING and CARING and SENSITIVE and INQUISITIVE and ADORABLE. 
THAT IS OUR ALLI!
And she is NOT AFRAID to try new things. 

She decided to try her hand an embroidery and created a design by herself and started to work on it!
WOW!
She is headed full force into the Holiday season holding her head up high!  She is REALLY excited about getting another Christmas Ornament for the Tree. :) 

I pray that the young man who is without parents as of tonight, finds LOVING parents who will take care of him and help him to heal.

Focusing On Adoption part 3: After You Get Home

 Erika and Sarah in the Orphanage

 Erika and Sarah's groupa. :) 

I have wanted to spend some time sharing thoughts about adoption, since it is National Adoption Awareness Month.  This is my third post to share.  Here are links to Part 1 and Part 2. These are just thoughts from my heart.

When you get the call.... it is Sooooo EXCITING!   All the paperwork, all the waiting, all the praying, and more waiting is gone, and it is time to go and get your child.  This is the child you know is yours. 
There are many reasons for adoption.  There are those who just love children and want to provide a home and feel a calling to do it.  There are those who for whatever medical reason, cannot conceive children. There are those who do not WANT to conceive children, yet they want children. There are those who waited too long before conceiving and had a change of heart and decided they wanted children after all.  NO MATTER THE REASON.... Adoption is a TWO SIDED COIN.
It brings joy, but it is only birthed through trial and sadness. 
OUR GAIN was somebody else's LOSS.   OUR JOY, was wrought through another's sorrow and we MUST NOT forget that!
WHY?  Because something very sad had to happen in  order for us to be able to adopt. 
Our children have SUFFERED GREAT LOSS.  GREAT LOSS....  Some were neglected and abused, some abandoned, some left for dead, some so mistreated that recovery would seem a miracle......
And we parents come in ALL excited to bring our little ones home.  
DON'T be the Parent who gets all excited about bringing the child home and forgets to prepare for PARENTING THE CHILD!
That is like the Bride who prepares for the Wedding, but forgets there is a marriage that follows!

During all that waiting, EDUCATE yourselves!  Visit and talk to other adoptive families, research sights like www.beyondconsequences.com, www.empoweredtoconnect.org, and many more!
Read about the results of extreme neglect and deprivation. Read about the effects of no love or attention and for HEAVEN'S SAKES.... Don't fall into the trap of, "We adopted young so we won't have any attachment issues." OR "We would never adopt older children because they are more damaged!"  THIS IS FALSE!

Every person born on this planet is an individual with a different personality and set of circumstances. There is not ONE that is the same! Not one! 
HOWEVER, general observations can be made regarding human nature and neglect that we should ALL be ready to pay attention to and listen to.

After you get home, you will basically be strangers living under the same roof! Please recognize that your child has a story and a life that has been lived completely separate from you.  They need to be allowed to grieve and process what is happening to them.
Some children are delighted to be with you. Others, not so ready.
Slow and Steady, they will eventually be ready. :) 
BE PATIENT, TENDER AND KIND during this transition, keeping their worlds small. 
Have as simple a schedule as possible, but do things they can count on.  Breakfast, Lunch and Dinner at the same time each day along with bath time, bed time and wake up time, should be made  a priority!
A variety of foods, especially FAMILIAR foods for THEM should be served. 
Offering lots of snuggle and play times together to get to know each other is a must!  Lot's of smiles and I love you's whispered into their little ears will help to give them confidence, even though they do not understand what you are saying.

Be EVER SO CAREFUL to have a welcoming body language and tone of voice!  At this stage the slightest tenseness can lead to insecurity and a meltdown.

If you have adopted older children, PLEASE DO NOT FORCE them into some sort of counseling, forcing them to face things they may not be ready to face.  I feel so strongly about this! 
So many are too quick to LABEL our kids and those labels can be destructive. ESPECIALLY if your view of a label is that is what defines your child.  RAD, ADHD, ODD, PDD, PTSD, FASD etc....are LABELS. THEY ARE NOT YOUR CHILD.  Do not ALLOW Them to DEFINE them.  Just because somebody says a child with RAD cannot love, or a child with FAS cannot have self control.... I can say HOG WASH..... Yes they can and yes they do.  Do they learn differently? YES.  BUT THEY LEARN.   Do they LOVE?  YES THEY DO.... and guess what.... those labels disappear.
Or they become way less important.

HEALING WILL HAPPEN AT HOME if you LET IT!
As your children learn you are trustworthy, they will confide in you. TRUST ME ON THIS! It is true!

If YOU need counseling, GO.... get ideas, ask for help with your own temper and issues that will CERTAINLY come out with a new and stressful situation! 
But don't force this on your children.

You can do nothing better than to let your UNCONDITIONAL LOVE pour into your child.

Practice loving your child by finding 1 thing that you can admire about them. It could be their laugh, their smile or the way they walk or talk.  Focus on that and love it in them.  I remember Alli's laugh. It was so adorable. I focused on that for the first few weeks.  And just loved her laugh.  For Erika, it was her famous bright eyed expression....For Sarah it was her cute little voice and for Anna it was her beautiful blonde hair.....
Then I'd pick something else to love and admire and as I got to know them..... I love THEM FULLY just as they were. It doesn't take long.
There will always be negative behaviors.... ehem..... remember we have them too. :)
Try not to focus on the meltdowns, hitting, spitting, kicking, pinching, biting, kicking, or being called a stupid old lady from Texas. :)
If you focus on those, you will have a hard time seeing out of the fog of despair that sometimes surrounds you! :)  You MUST RISE ABOVE IT TO PULL YOUR CHILD FROM THEIR GRIEF AND DESPAIR!
Those are fleeting moments that DO NOT DEFINE your child.  IF you see those behaviors, REMEMBER.... PLEASE REMEMBER... YOUR CHILD IS FRIGHTENED, NOT EVIL.
                                                                  FRIGHTENED!!!!!
With fear come many unwanted behaviors.  But as you LOVE your child, and get to know them and they get to know and  TRUST YOU, those behaviors will dissipate!  Yes, BE GONE!
And it is SUCH A JOY to get to the other side! Each little step is a step in the right direction! Don't LOSE FOCUS..... you are in the trenches of bringing LIFE into a child who was dying a slow and painful death.
HEALING HURTS.  HEALING ALSO REVEALS OUR OWN PERSONAL HURTS that WE never dealt with and neatly brushed under the carpet of our hearts.  
See this time as a BLESSING in your own life that you are now facing DEALING with past hurts!
It is TIME FOR YOU TO HEAL, so you can help your child heal!
Oh what a wonderful God we serve!  He LOVES us and is an example for us to follow! :)
He layed down HIS life.... We are to lay OUR lives down!

AND THIS IS THE TIME TO DO IT!

I guarantee you times will be hard.  Some of  you  might second guess your decision...  But Don't! Just because something is hard does NOT mean it isn't the right thing or that God didn't call you to do it!
He didn't change His mind! :)  
That is when we learn to depend upon HIM and HIS SUFFICIENCY.  We do this through HIS STRENGTH, not our own.  We embrace Sorrow and Suffering WITH our children for awhile, so that Joy and gladness can be planted into their hearts. :)

And the JOY that comes.... is indescribable.  It is incredible.  It is so deep and so wide and so rich and so full.   I cannot describe it. 
Both Mike and I were laying in bed this a.m. and he said he was the luckiest man in the world. :)
Honestly, I think we are BOTH so fortunate to have walked through the door that God brought us to.

Was it scary? Yes. 
To some, we were crazy! What about retirement?  Weren't 4 enough?  5 enough? 6 enough? SEVEN enough?  EIGHT ENOUGH??  
We'll be done when the Lord shuts that door. :) 

So when your child comes home, be patient, kind, full of love and forgiveness.... be diligent to walk alongside them and teach them tenderly the things of life. 
Don't forget.... after the adoption is where life begins.....
HEALING BEGINS AT HOME!

A November Funny Courtesty of Alli

Alli- "Mom, my toe is hurting!" (pointing to her ankle)
Mom- "Which toe?"
Alli- "The one I'm pointing at!"
Mom" Ummm, that is an ankle."
Alli- "Ok, so I don't have all my body parts down yet.... My ankle hurts. "
LOL

I don't know if we should go to soccer today.... Anna's hip is hurting, Erika's leg is hurting though we had her legs adjusted again yesterday, but today she is still in pain.  Sarah is on crutches and Alli's toe ankle is hurting.... 
Of course, Alli and Sarah insist they can go and play soccer.


On another sweet note.  Anna finished Erika's kitchen today while I ran to get dog food, because Erika couldn't do it. 
While we were in bed this a.m. Mike said, "I think we have the sweetest girls in the world."  I think he is right. :) 
Love them all so much.

Oh The Cleverness of Anna

Anna has been working on typing.  I told the girls that after this year, I will be requiring papers to be typed.  I was very impressed that she figured out how to do her Language Arts lesson on the computer!   

 Way to go my Clever girl! :)

The Dentist.....

Erika and Alli had dental appointments yesterday afternoon.  I was really surprised that BOTH of them had 3 cavities!  They actually high fived each other for having the same amount! LOL

Erika's were tiny.... But Alli's were bigger and in a really odd place; behind her front tooth and the tooth next to it.  It was much larger and only in SIX MONTHS! Yikes!

So we did Erika's fillings yesterday, and brought Alli back today to do her fillings. 

When Alli first came home, she had 7 cavities filled.  Her teeth were a mess.  She insisted on having her teeth filled without novacaine.  She did really well having them do that... but I thought it odd that she would want to do it that way. I watched the entire process and she was a rock!

THIS TIME however..... she said, "I want to be numbed."  But... she is very afraid of needles.
She asked me to go back with her and sit with her which I did.  We have a great dentist that allows patients and parents to be real. :)

I could see her face full of fear when that needle showed up.  We had her watch a movie and she had little tears when the novacaine was administered.... and then the drilling started....

She had to have the procedure stopped a couple of times because she just wasn't numb enough.  FINALLY she was numb enough, but she needed mom to hold her hands.

I was analyzing this whole appointment and looking at the difference between the two drilling episodes.  The first time, when she had been home just 6 weeks, she was brave and independent; putting on a strong front.  THIS time, she was vulnerable and showing emotion, letting me know she was scared.  This was a MUCH more REAL experience than the one before.

I found it comforting to know that she is allowing herself the luxury of  feeling vulnerable; and to let others know she needs me too.  She was not faking being brave.  She instead was herself, and it was precious.  She hung onto my hands like there was no tomorrow! :)

I came home and told Mike about it and he had the same thoughts. She is HOME.... WAY HOME! :)

So, all those teeth are now filled and HOPEFULLY we will not have more cavities!  That is wishful thinking, I am sure! :) 
But the dentist visit was a confirmation of what has been a reality in our home for a while.  Miss Alli has had GREAT HEALING in her life.  She is settled and she is TRUSTING her mama and daddy. She is not afraid to show her real self.  And she is comforted by mom and dad. :)

A Funny and A Delight

I try to word requests in a question form instead of a command form.  99% of the time, I get compliance.  Last night.... no so.
I asked Miss Alli, "Honey, would you like to go get some firewood and bring it in?"
She said, "No, not really."  It was an honest answer. :)

She then said, "Mama, would you like to play "old fashioned"? 
She is fascinated with all old, including our oil lamps, antiques and 1800's history.
So I said, "Sure!"
I had to pretend to be a store keeper.  She needed to purchase 3 pieces of paper.  I charged her 6 cents.
Then, I asked her, "And what is your profession?"
She replied, "Oh Miss, I sell firewood!"
Oh, "May I purchase 6 sticks of firewood?"
She said, "Yes Maam! and Happily ran out to bring in the firewood!" LOL

This a.m.  I heard somebody putting away dishes from the dishwasher and putting what wouldn't fit in last night INTO the dishwasher.  I thought, WOW! Miss Alli is up early.  It is her week for dishes.
Instead, this is who I found doing all that work with a happy heart. :)

 Thank you Anna for your sweet servant's heart. :)

Pesto Noodle Dinner

Tonight we had a WONDERFUL dinner and there were NO leftovers!
We had rice noodles mixed with a Basil, Walnut, Garlic.Olive Oil Pesto. 
We served the noodles with steamed garlic and corn, and broiled onions.
WOW! All those flavors came together for a wonderful GLUTEN FREE-NIGHTSHADE free meal! :)
I should have taken a picture beforehand..... It was devoured! LOL

Focusing on Adoption part 2: Walking Through The Door

Since it is National Adoption Month I wanted to write a few thoughts down to share.  A couple of days ago I wrote about "Focusing On Adoption".

Let me start with saying I absolutely DESPISE paper work! It is probably one of the most stressful things in my life.  And adoption requires HUGE amounts of carefully filled out PAPER WORK.  But the Lord was gracious and helped us through it.  Mike helped a LOT with it also. so that the primary burden wasn't on me. 
There is also a PRIZE at the end of the paper work! You get to bring home a wonderful little one to love. :)

The processes for International Adoption, Domestic Adoption, and Private Adoption through disruption have some similarities, but they are each a different ball game altogether.
Each require a Home Study.  But that home study will be different because the requirements are different for each situation.

The Foster Care system is not a bad system to adopt from. They however make it VERY CLEAR, they are NOT an adoption agency.  If you want to adopt through that system, you need to be certified as Foster Parents, which we were.  The Classes offered are VERY GOOD in Texas and Oklahoma. I do not know how many states are using them, and even some agencies here in Texas use something different. But the CPS PRIDE classes are very valuable.  Take them SERIOUSLY!

The process of International Adoption is very different based upon the country you adopt from.  The extra complications with International Adoption are the volatile state of adoptions being shut down at any given moment based upon a  judge's personal idea of international affairs.  In Ukraine, it is called a "Blind" adoption country.  You are not SUPPOSED to go and pick a child before hand.  It has been done, including by US, but that was because Sarah knew Erika, so it was allowed. 
Typically, you go and they present files to you and you pick from the file after you get there.
It can be a very stressful process.  Three of the sweet little boys who spent time with Erika and Sarah at their orphanage were brought home in this process to a wonderful family in Tennessee. :) 

With international Adoption, you will also spend time outside of your country.  Sometimes a LONG time.  We stayed around 33 days, a little over a month.  It can be longer in some places and shorter in others, like China. 
We THOROUGHLY enjoyed our stay despite the stresses of the process.  We lived in an apartment and just became a part of a neighborhood, cooking and shopping, tasting Ukrainian foods and enjoying long walks. EVERYWHERE.... we walked, unless we were doing official business.
If I have anything to say to somebody going to another country.... DON'T FORGET TO ENJOY IT!
It is a once in a lifetime chance. :)
And don't forget to bring:  Zip lock bags and this little device made for women so they can pee standing up! :)  Yes I am SERIOUS!  Sometimes there is just a hole in the floor.  I was not made for this.  I will say no more on that subject. :)
The extras required for IA are also MORE background checks, including Interpol, approval from Homeland Security, Approval from the country, more tests from doctors including a psychological profile, and everything has to be apostilled by your state department, or the state department where the document originated.  If you were born in Nevada, you would have to have your birth certificate apostilled in Nevada. etc.
Apostilling is the state department certifying that the notary who signed your documents was a real notary.
Also, MAKE SURE your notary's signature is not going to expire for at least 2 YEARS! Otherwise, if there is an expiration of a document, you have to do it all over again!
International Adoption sort of reminds me of Publisher's Clearing House Sweepstakes......there is always something new to fill out. :)

For Adoption Disruption, the process is less complicated, especially if you have already adopted.  You need to have your home study updated. 
It is VERY IMPORTANT that you FOLLOW THE LAW.  We had to wait for 2 weeks in North Carolina with Miss Alli until the ICPC paperwork went through between social service agencies.
It was not complicated, just time consuming. 
The ICPC gives permission for a child to travel with you to another state.  It is there for the safety of the child to prevent child trafficking!

But the very FIRST THING that MUST happen, is the parents who are disrupting need to fill out the paperwork for an attorney stating that they are terminating their parental rights.  It is a very detailed paper. It leaves no question what is being done.   After 7 days, it cannot be revoked.  We brought Sarah home without this being signed and it was a harrowing few weeks for her and for us. It left us with no legal representation.
When this paper is filed in court, at the same time, a petition for Adoption is filed and you are granted guardianship. 
I know of people who have brought children home, and then had a family change their mind.  It is gut wrenching for all.  PROTECT YOURSELF and YOUR FUTURE CHILD.
The petition for Adoption takes anywhere from 3 months to a year depending upon what state you live in.  The adoption is finalized AFTER that time period has passed.
The cool thing is, that your child gets to be with you DURING the process. For Sarah's adoption, we showed up in Court and it was like a normal adoption.  For Alli's it was in NC, so we couldn't be there. It was more of just a paperwork process.   But we sure did celebrate when the paperwork went though and we received it in the mail! :)

Just remember, when you are are going through the process, all the fingerprinting, probing,  visits from social workers, apostilling, and stress is so worth it!

Our Sister Elayne

Our sweet sister Elayne is still in the hospital. Now, her condition has turned to pneumonia.  She will be having a 3rd surgery tomorrow to try and correct the chest tubs and have new ones inserted.

Please keep her and our family in your prayers.

Thank You!

Focusing On Adoption Part 1

(Sarah and I.... home about 6 weeks)

Once again, November is Adoption Awareness Month.  I wanted to write a post relating to how our lives have changed because of Adoption....

Adoption is a THEME that is all throughout the New Testament.  The story of Redemption, is an Adoption Story.  Romans 8:15 says, For you did not receive a spirit that makes you a slave again to fear, but you received the Spirit of sonship. And by him we cry, "Abba, Father." 

I really LOVE that verse. It makes so much sense to me.  A child who is afraid, does not feel comfortable with calling somebody "Father".... but a Son, has full access, anytime, to come to His father, climb in his lap and adore him. He is safe.

Adoption, is a very, clear, physical  picture making a Spiritual Truth, very tangible. 

Our children at one time were lost. They were lost in a system of hopelessness and despair.  They were lost in a system that promoted FEAR and LOVE did not exist.  There was no feeling of safety at night; only tears.

Each of our children have their own story to share.  Each of them lived in conditions that are unfathomable to most Americans.  The depths of despair and depths of darkness from where they came is indescribable. You just have to be there to understand.

Yet, today, EACH OF THEM THRIVE!   I have chills and tears to even think about it. 

ADOPTION CHANGES LIVES FOREVER!

We are not great people. We are not heroes. We are not special...... We are plain and simple people.

YET GOD moved upon our hearts to do something not so plain and simple. :)

HE CALLED US out of our ordinary lives to do something "not so" ordinary. :) 
And we are LOVING every minute of it. :)

Had our girlies not come home to us..... I do not know what would have happened.  I DO know, for 2 of them, they would have been shipped to Western Ukriane to live the rest of their lives out in a mental institution.  I cannot handle the thought of that.

 I cannot STAND the thought that Erika was kept in a crib for her first 4 years of life.... and the tortured memories she came home with.  Her cries of abject despair chilled my bones in the middle of the night when she would cry out.
BUT SHE CRIES NO MORE! NO SHE DOESN'T!  She is full of JOY! She is full of confidence! And she is happy.
To think of My Anna in an endless stream of foster homes, makes me sick at heart.  She was so hurt, fragile and MISUNDERSTOOD!  But not today.  Today she is a lovely girl, full of life and LOVE.

To think that My Sarah was in a TB Sanitarium, all alone in a room all the time.  For the missionary to say she was like a "Wild animal with extreme consternation in her eyes"...... She wouldn't let anybody touch her, and then she didn't want to let go.
To think of her journey through all of that, and then to an adoptive home and then extreme difficulty and on to our home breaks my heart when I think about it.   
BUT TODAY....she is a FUNNY, CONFIDENT, LOVING daughter. She is so full of life! 

And our sweet Alli... who had some pretty awful beginnings in her bio family.  Add to that 2 failed adoptions and one VERY VERY HURT and ANGRY little girl.    Where would she have wound up? In some sort of group home or foster care is what we understood...... YET TODAY... SHE IS THRIVING!
In fact, tonight, I called her to do her dishes. She not only rose to the task, but while doing something that isn't her favorite thing to do, she turned around to me and said, "Mama, Did you know I'm a neat kid?"  "Did you know you are a wonderful mama?"  "Did you know that we have a great family!"

Yes, each of my girls has a REAL Mama and a REAL Papa.  They are tangibly LOVED and cared for, and each of them has blossomed into the beautiful fragrance that LOVE produces.

Adoption is ALL ABOUT lives being transformed.  It is ALL about giving and loving.  It is all about grace and mercy.  And we are IMMENSELY BLESSED because of adoption.

Our lives have been touched and CHANGED forever.  God's plan for our family was not that we would be wealthy or go on vacations. It certainly was not early retirement. LOL  It was not that I would have a great career outside of our home, or that Mike would go far from home to work.  So far the shoppe in the back of our property does pretty good! :)  His plan was to teach us just how much He loves us, by teaching US to unconditionally  love our children.
I cannot name the times I have spent realizing just how much He loves me, as I see myself in my girls.
What a beautiful picture HE has painted in our lives. 

Thank you Lord for our precious children. Our precious BOYS who were ALSO adopted by Mike.... and our precious girls whom you gave to us to care for and tenderly love and nurture. 
Thank you Lord for healing their little hearts and mending them. Thank you for giving them once again, the capacity to love  and for giving them the gift of  feeling safe. :)

We are such a small part of the adoption world.  One little child at a time is brought home and nurtured back to love. 
Thank you Lord for calling us to be a small part of your very HUGE plan. :)

We are blessed!

Pecan Praline CheeseCake

I have been thinking about what to make for a special desert for Thanksgiving and Christmas.  We have all these Pecan trees and I thought about Pecan Pie.  But everybody also likes Cheese Cake. 
Since we are a gluten free household, we don't eat pie crusts or graham cracker crusts.  I decided to develop a recipe from the best of both worlds.  I tried it out today and it was WONDERFUL!


So, I am sharing it with you! :)  (In the photo I didn't chop the pecans enough to make an even base, so I adjusted it in the recipe. )  I'll get a picture of the full cheesecake before slicing on Thanksgiving day. :)

PECAN PRALINE CHEESE CAKE
1/4 cup corn syrup
1/2 cup sugar
2 tsp vanilla extract
2 eggs beaten
1/4 tsp creme of tartar
dash of salt
1/4 cup butter melted (unsalted)
1 1/2 cups pecans chopped
(mix all ingredients together and pat into bottom of spring form pan, OR baking dish of choice)

Cheesecake filling
3 eggs
3 pkg of creme cheese
1 cup of sugar
2 tsp vanilla
1/4 tsp creme of tartar


Beat eggs with mixer until yellow and frothy.
Add sugar, vanilla, cream of tarter and and creme cheese. (at room temperature)
Blend until smoothe.

Pour onto pecan mixture.

Bake at 350º (preheated oven) for 1 hour 10 minutes or until sides begin to turn a golden brown

Remove from oven and cool for about an hour.  Cover and refrigerate for several hours.

I adjusted this recipe to improve it.  I omitted the whipping creme and added another package of cream cheese and an extra egg.  I also increased the sugar from 2/3 cup to 1 cup to make up for the extra creme cheese and egg. It turned out wonderfully.... more dense and stable.

THOUGHTS ABOUT GIVING

I took the girls yesterday to purchase some items for shoe boxes to be shipped to other countries. 
While I was there, somebody ran into us and said we should just shoppe at the "Dollar Tree" for items.
Now, I have shopped at that store ONE time, and ONE time only.  It is JUNK.  Sorry Dollar Tree, but the items we purchased were NOT WORTH the dollar we spent.

It got me to thinking about how we, who have MUCH, seem to think it is ok to give JUNK to those who have nothing. :(  And then I felt sad.

I want to teach my girls that orphans do not deserve JUNK. They deserve the BEST we have to offer them. All of my girls are former orphans.  I am sure they received a box like this at one time.
So when we bought jump ropes, we bought the best we could find.  We bought the best tooth paste and the best combs, so that those who receive them will not have a toy that falls apart in a day, or a comb that tangles in their hair.

Those who are less fortunate are not stupid. They know when something has value and when it is just somebody else's junk.  This goes for giving clothes away to Good Will or for other charities.  Don't give clothes away that you wouldn't wear on your own body!  Why would anybody think if they wouldn't wear it because of that huge stain, that somebody else would like to?

And when you give food to the food bank, why buy the good stuff for yourself and the cheap stuff for the food bank? Buy that beautiful can of peas in the silver wrapper and give it to the food bank. By the generic for yourself!  Give the BEST to those who are in need!

As you give to those less fortunate, it is just like you fed Christ, or clothed Him, or visited Him..... GIVE to those in need as if you are giving to Royalty.

We do plan to support an Angel from the Angel tree again this year.  And I will teach my girls to give from the heart and take great care to treat the recipient as if THEY were that person.

THANKFUL

I am thankful for the process. I am thankful that GOD is in control, raising up leaders and bringing them down.  I can rest in the Lord that there are no mistakes, even in elections.  Yes, we are NOT just red and blue states; We are the UNITED STATES. :)
God Bless America.

HOW MANY GIRLS....

How many girls can you fit into the Minich House??? 

A LOT!  I never got a full view of all those girls! :)
Bright Lights met at our house today. It is a group of girls, all home educated. We meet 2 x's a month and the girls have a wonderful time. :)

I think, my best guess was 25. :) Then, there were the boys that were running around outside!
I am thankful for each of these girls and moms who are committed to "Bright Lights". :)

Today, they participated in making "Operation Christmas".  Boxes are being sent across the world for those who are in need. Each little girl wrote a sweet letter wishing the recipient a Merry Christmas.

We had a great day!

Ilse

This is our sweetie pie grand daughter Ilse! :)  She is learning to stand and getting so big!  Ilse has Smith Lemli Opitz Syndrome and has to be tube fed through her tummy.  She is at the Dr. because there is a little bleeding in her tummy.  Her mama and I would appreciate prayers for her, and that they can get to the bottom of why there is blood.  Her mama Emily is holding her hands and adoring her, like all mama's do :)

A SLIGHT DETOUR

PLEASE GO VOTE IF YOU HAVE NOT    ALREADY DONE SO!
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A November Funny from Sarah

"Mom, can I have a brain? I've never had one!"
Yes Sarah, you can.... 

(finishing off the left over body parts candy) :)

Anna and Bella

 Bella is almost 5 months old!  What a wonderful gift to our family, and especially to Anna.

Anna always dreamed of having a dog like Bella.

 Isn't she just adorable?

 Bella, this is a ball! :)

 And this is a High Five.

 Bella is teething. :)

 I think Bella is a keeper. :)    Anna is doing a fantastic job training her. She reads all sorts of books on the subject and I have learned some things from Anna about dog training!

Friday Soccer Days

Every Friday, barring RAIN, we meet at the park with several other families and have a soccer game.
It is a great time to get together and let your hair fly in the wind.  Everybody gets to play, including Erika.  So thankful for good friends and loads of kids around here. :)

The Adorables Come to Visit

I love all of our kids. :)  I also love VISITS from our older kids and grand kids! :)
This weekend we had a bunch of fun.  The grand boys fed goats and giggled with delight. They helped me get Pecans and they gathered eggs.   After that we cracked those eggs, scrambled them and they ate them!  "Ya-Ya, do you live on a FARM?"  Not quite, but almost. :)

 We tried to crack those eggs and get them in the right spot. LOL

 Charlie is 3. :)

 Mr. Will... 5 years old!

"Look how yellow those yolks are!"

 

 Picking up pecans.

 Marcus and Olivia swinging. :)

Charlie meets the goats. :)

 

A family photo..... :)

 Giving Lady Bella some "gold fish". :)

Left over "Body Parts" candy we found at Walmart. :)

Helping Our Children Express Themselves

I honestly think that one of the hardest things for children, ESPECIALLY INTERNATIONAL children, is the art of expressing themselves.

Learning a language is VERY HARD. Some children learn faster than others.  But ALL of them have to learn a DEPTH of language in order to communicate deep thought.  Many times the ages of our children and the ability to communicate DO NOT MATCH, bringing about great frustration and sometimes anger.

I will NEVER forget the night when Miss Alli was first home. (within the first 3 or 4 months)
Mike said, "I have found all the use of that kit!"  (He was speaking of an eyeglass kit that had helped us many times repair eye glasses.) 
But when he said it, I saw Miss Alli's countenance fall and she rushed to her room.  I went to her and found her crying.  Her interpretation of what he said was.. "I have found all the uses for that KID!"
(meaning to her.... he was done with her)
I am SOOOOO GLAD the Lord allowed me to see his words and her face at the same time, or I don't know that we would have ever figured out that meltdown.  She was CONVINCED he was finished with her and she would be moving on!

Communication is SOOOOO IMPORTANT!!!  For hurt children, it is VITAL, yet one of THEIR biggest weaknesses.  Many times they do not understand even what emotion they are feeling!

I did respite care for a family a few years ago and the mom was a Special Ed teacher.  She was so wise to give her little girl a picture list  of emotions, to help her to identify her emotions.
This little one at 3 years old could understand happy, sad, mad, afraid......   I payed attention to that because I was so impressed with what she understood only being home 6 months!

Our kids have to learn language and understand their feelings in a different language. Sometimes it comes out as VERY disrespectful, and we have to help them tweak what they are saying to match feelings and respect.

If we get all bent out of shape by a choice of words,  it will not help our children to learn in the long run.  But if we take each opportunity as an opportunity to teach something new... before we know it, the children will be saying things differently.


I am a firm believer in "Say what you mean and mean what you say!"

With that in mind:  This is an excerpt taken from "The Connected Child"
"BAD WORDS: Good Words
  "You suck!  I feel sad, mad or angry.

"No Fair!"    "I feel jealous of my brother.
"Go Away!"  I feel sad and need a little time alone.
"I hate you"  I feel sad or angry!
THAT sucks!  I feel angry or sad....

Back to my thoughts:

Children can feel overwhelmed and take it out on mom and dad.  Some of these examples are real!
The goal would be to teach our kids appropriate language in order to express frustration!
Instead of "I hate you!" The goal would be for them to say, "Mom, I really don't like that rule!"
It is HARD for them to come up with the right emotions sometimes; and very hard for them to understand WHAT they are feeling, so the one that pops out the most is anger.


A proper goal would be for us to teach them proper responses to emotions.

If your son or daughter is upset and says something inappropriate.... we can say.... "Sweetie, let's try that again. How can you say that differently, with respect?"
OVER TIME... this approach works really well!
Teaching them what different facial expressions and emotions look like will help them to identify how they are feeling and be able to express themselves more readily.

But importantly.... We MUST be ready to listen to them!

For children who are struggling, I strongly recommend a picture/emotion flash card or refrigerator card type system so they can pick out what they are feeling or thinking.

This will make your child feel more in control because they can communicate either with pictures or verbally! And that frustration will begin to diminish over time as they learn to trust. :)

Parenting Paradigms and Life Style Changes

 I sometimes get nervous about writing such personal thoughts.... but if this helps just one person, I am willing to be transparent and open. Sorry this is long....

I have been teaching a support group for awhile, and things are going well.  We have been going through The Connected Child, and the bible study that goes along with it, from "Empowered to Connect". 
I think this chapter is PIVOTAL in understanding the message of the book.  BCLC parenting which is VERY similar to what Karyn Purvis teaches, is  what I firmly believe will bring about close, successful relationships NO MATTER what your child's background. 
These ideas are not just "how to fix your kid" ideas.  They REQUIRE growth, lifestyle change, soul searching, and understanding WHY YOU have buttons and how to turn failures into successes.

Shifting one's thinking from, "It is all about FAS, RAD, or it is all about TRAUMA or it is ALL about Manipulation, selfishness, ADHD, ODD", etc. etc.  can be HARD, especially if we use those diagnosis as a crutch for "lazy parenting" or "hopeless parenting". 
The "why bother" attitude or "I'm tired of trying" attitude will get you NOWHERE!  Who wants to continue to do the same things and never get out of the stress and unhappiness? 

THINGS CAN CHANGE FOR THE BETTER! THEY TRULY CAN! BE ENCOURAGED~! 
And NOT ONLY can it  change in your family for the better, you can see your children HEAL and SUCCEED! 

So take a deep breath.... and please stay with me. :)  I  DO understand, VERY WELL the frustration and heartache that can come along with bringing very hurt children into our home.  I also know first hand how misunderstanding intentions, personal struggles and overwhelm can turn into a big mess, and suddenly, a child is the scapegoat.  It is ALL THEIR FAULT....and there is nothing different anybody can do.....:(   THREE out of FOUR of our precious girls were in these situations. The accusations were severe and serious.

But.... God...... intervened......

He first had to intervene in ME. Yes. ME.  LONG before my girls came home, he was intervening and involved in some very difficult paths of my life.  By the time I was 24. I had 4 little boys and was in a severely unhealthy marriage. 
I was the "good Christian girl" who thought I knew everything at 18, when I said in Sunday School. "Divorce is a sin. I would NEVER get divorced!"    Um yea. Well..... Time for some humble pie. :)
God KNEW what experiences in my life I would need, and the blessings came through tears many times.  They were "blessings" I did not understand at the time.
I was blessed with a child who had a stroke at 16 days old and nearly died. He had MANY special needs.  I was blessed with a child who was ADHD with a little speed added to that!  He also had an incredible temper and  to this day have not met another one quite like him. :)
(although I hear his son is a good match) :)
I was blessed with a quiet child, and a compliant but passive aggressive child.
I was STILL a child.... looking at it from this angle. :)
I was blessed with a  PRECIOUS MOM IN LAW who's 92nd birthday is TODAY! :)  Happy Birthday MOM!
She taught me so much! She was patient and kind and loving and caring. She helped me to learn to understand  my little hyper guy. :) 
She also helped me so much to think outside the box in many areas of my life.  I am forever thankful for her influence in my life.

As my boys grew, I used to sit and study them, just to see what made them tick.... I studied their likes and dislikes and practiced different ways to relate to them.... All this was under tremendous stress that brought me to homelessness, rejection and divorce.
It was a very sad time, yet it was that VERY TIME when I pressed HARD into my Lord.... I was the "fallen" good girl. I was the person I never dreamed I would be. :( 
GOD GAVE ME THE GIFT of NEEDING to depend upon Him.  HE carried my burdens and HE taught me.  I had nowhere to go but to the Lord and His word.

I went through raising 4 boys pretty much alone for a long time. Surgeries, doctors, decisions were made by a 27 year old mom of 4.  There was nobody to go home and cry to.  I went home to 3 other boys who needed me desperately. So my tears had to be saved for night time prayers. 
"Why wasn't God hearing me?" 
HE WAS.... He was preparing me.  In FACT... one of the Scriptures in Isaiah that I believe the Lord led me to, TOLD me that very thing!  I just hadn't figured that out yet. :)

"Fear NOT, For I have redeemed you. I have called you by your name, you are Mine. When you pass through the water, I will be with you. And through the waters they shall not over flow. When you pass through the fire you will not be burned, neither shall the flame kindle upon you, for I am the Lord your God."
There were many more verses.

As time went by and the boys were getting bigger and I met Mike.... life started to settle down and we married when I was 31.  And then I met my new inlaws who were AMAZING, loving,  people.  I began to be surrounded by love and my broken heart began to mend.....
My circumstances brought about much growth in my life... and I was still trying to make sense of them.

FAST FORWARD......13 years.  All the guys are in college and we adopt Anna.   I cannot explain or tell you how, but all those experiences from my early life, came into play in understanding my Anna. The fear, the rejection, the pain..... helped me to deeply understand that she was NOT what they said she was.  She was a reflection her wounded little soul.  She needed GREAT and DEEP love and healing, not punishment and judgment.  Oh I do understand judgment. I have felt it's sting.  She had too.
As I began to work with her, I found areas in my life that needed much tweaking, some of what I wrote about in my "Any Unpacked Bags" post.  Why did a 5 year old get a strong emotional reaction from me?
I had to search my own soul for that answer.  I had to be WILLING to do it!  It is hard to face ugly.
But in order for parents to GROW and have DEEP relationships, we MUST FACE the UGLINESS of our own sin.
And we must forgive ourselves.

One thing I learned with my boys, was to play with them and make sure their little lives were joyful.  We had enough sadness, they needed mommy to be happy and give them joyful experiences. I took this very seriously.
I played a lot with Anna, and she began to open up and heal.  We would play games in the car on the way to the bank, like "radio".   It was silly really, but one of my favorite memories.  She would pretend to turn the channels on the radio and I would sing, or give news, or tell a story. She would pretend to turn the volume up or down and my voice would follow..... she LOVED this game and it would make her laugh heartily.
Our social worker thought that we had been trained through BCLC  but I had never heard of it. She introduced me to the book and said, "I think you'll really enjoy it. "   I did.  She then introduced me to
"The Connected Child" when it came out and said, "I KNOW you'll like this too!"  I did. :)
Those two books gave me the "science" behind what I already understood about behaviors.  And it seemed like everything just clicked.
So when we were told about Sarah, there was no fear in bringing her home. 
When we went to get Erika, we were prepared to do whatever it took to help her transition safely and carefully into life within an American family.
We knew it would be hard.  Even the orphanage Doctor questioned us.... "Are you sure you want to see her? She is IMBICILE! She is stubborn!"  

When Alli was about to come, it was a little different.  We had not adopted for almost 5 years.  Everybody was healthy and happy and flourishing.  And Alli was older.  Erika was nearly 8, but Alli was 11.  The social workers were cautious and BLUNTLY honest with us.  They gave us all information up front and  we prayed.  Was I afraid? Yes. 
Why?  Because everybody told us we had just lucked out.  The girls were doing well because we were just lucky?  I knew this wasn't so.... but it was in the back of my mind. 
"Maybe, I'm in for another lesson in humility.....maybe this child will make me know that I don't know what I'm talking about.  Everybody will laugh....Everybody will say, "told you so"..... "
Those were thoughts that popped into my head and I would quickly pray them out..... that was FEAR talking and FEAR has no place in my life.
We had also come to the conclusion that the outcomes in life are not completely up to us. We know what to do, but our value as people or parents will not be tied into whether this child heals. HOWEVER, that said, we would choose not to be complacent or give up.

And then the Lord opened the door and we walked through.  And ONCE AGAIN.... our lives were changed forever.  And I am so glad we walked through that door.  Why?  Because it has solidified in my heart that LOVE HEALS.  And LOVE, TRUE LOVE, GODLY LOVE brings about CHANGE.... LIFE GIVING CHANGE!

Our first months with Miss Alli were trying and joyful.  She was so hurt from 2 disruptions, besides all the trauma from her birth family and orphanage..... was it too late?  It is NEVER too late for God to intervene.
We had no expectations. We knew we were to love her. Period.  We figured it would be a very rough ride and we would ALL be a team and make it work no matter what.
I did NOT expect to fall in love with her the first week. :)  I did not expect her to respond and open up so quickly.  It was shocking actually.  
And then,  the depth of her anguish and pain began to surface. She trusted us enough to show it.  I had to remember through tears..... "It isn't personal, it's trauma" and walk the path of love. We ALL did.
There were times Mrs. Nasty in myself would pop out and I'd be reminded of my own sinful nature.
And then I would ask forgiveness and model to her, what eventually she would come to understand. It is ok to ask forgiveness.  It is right to want relationships that are healthy.  When we do wrong, we need to be sorry. 

Oh the layers that were unpeeled.... each one raw, each one painful... each one bringing me back to memories of long ago, when it was ME who was hurt.
It only made me love her more.... love her more tenderly, love her more gently.

If your child is hurting.... you have NO ROOM.. for selfishness.  They MUST come first and YOU MUST DIE TO YOURSELF....  but you must also gain your strength from the Lord. 
THIS KIND OF HEALING cannot come from just you in your own pitiful strength.  It cannot! It is essential that we understand that loving our children will cost us everything, and then lay down our lives before the Lord..... for the joy set before us.  In the process, WE too are transformed.

Parents, speak LIFE into your children.  Find something to LOVE about them, even a tiny little thing if you are in a very difficult place, and concentrate on that one thing. And then find another.  Find SOMETHING to praise them for.  Tell them they are precious.  Do NOT EVER speak negatively about your children. Do not refer to them in sarcastic ways.  This is not helpful for your attitude and they will pick up on that subtle underlying anger. 
Tell them when you have a great moment with them..... "You are such a great kid!"   Rock them OFTEN, hug them OFTEN.... LAUGH with them often!

Be VERY careful that your love is not performance based "conditional" love.  This will NEVER work and is an easy trap to fall into.  It will make children insecure and feel as though love is on precarious ground.  Instead tell them they are precious to you. Be JOYFUL towards them. Tell them they are valuable to you. Always have your arms open and welcoming, EVEN WHEN YOU ARE HURTING.....You MUST!

As RELATIONSHIP builds, things will fall into their proper place.  Old behaviors will be replaced with new and better behaviors.  Your family will be happy and secure.  It is up to us as parents to bring about change.  And the change MUST BEGIN in US! :)
Life changing LOVE... Changes LIVES. :)

This post is too long. So sorry.  But I will be writing soon about how to take a child who's words are out of control, and teach them to bring them under control.  Stay tuned.

(I'm reminded of an old song)

"Something Beautiful, Something good. All my confusion, He understood, All I had to offer him was brokenness and strife, but He made something, beautiful of my life."

A Profound Thought From The Mind of Miss Alli

It was my pleasure to spend some mommy daughter time with Alli yesterday.  We went to run errands and grocery shopping. 
I really like these times with each of my girls because it gives us time to talk and think and just be.

Alli was thinking quietly and then suddenly she said, "Mama! I just thought about something!" 
In my old family, I was allowed to do anything I wanted all the time.  And I just realized, they didn't ever teach me; kind of like those people who give their child candy so they won't cry or scream. 
"I would just run off on a horse and they never tried to stop me and one time I got lost in the woods!"
"I wasn't happy."

She then said, "Mama, you taught me not to scream.  And you taught me that I don't need to have everything to be happy." 

I asked, "Are you happy sweetie?" 
She said,  "Yes mama. I'm happy." :)

Once Again....

Once again Cancer is back in the forefront of our family.  My sweet Sister in Law Elayne, is about to enter the battle of her life... AGAIN.  This time, however, it is different.  Please join me in praying for my sweet sis in law, that the Lord will give her peace and comfort and healing!