Eyed Click Beetle

We found this guy yesterday near our back porch.  

As soon as Alli put him in a jar, he looked like this!

I thought she had been too rough with him and killed him.  But it turns out, playing dead is this harmless beetle's only defense.  He is  sort of a "Possum Beetle". LOL

I did a little "google research"  and found out he was  a nice beetle that will eat harmful bugs...so he gets to live and to STAY! :)

Do your job little click beetle..... do your job! :)

Dallas Zoo 2012

We went to the zoo today.  Oh, how I MISS Katie and Lillian! :(  I loved taking them to the zoo with us. But we managed to have a wonderful time.   The Dallas Zoo just added a Koala exhibit.  The Koala's were so cute and so STILL. :)  I think Erika and Anna took most of the pictures today. I can't wait to see some of them.
Here are some photos of our day. :)

 This is an Emu.  My friend used to have some Emu's. 

 The Lion has grown up!

Lions and Tigers Oh MY!

Growing Up!

My Anna! 

Overwhelm

Miss Alli and I stayed home from services yesterday.  She was still a bit overwhelmed with old memories.  Yesterday was going to be a huge day with a church potluck after church, a baby shower for 5 babies at the same time and then a business meeting!  That would have been way to much for her.

We got some much needed cleaning done in my room.  And we had a wonderful time to talk.  I think our time, just being together and in quiet, really helped her get over the overwhelm.  She was rested and playful. 
Today was one of those wonderful days, that we are used to having. :)
That is, until the Russian Consular office called and said everything I turned into them was WRONG and I have to redo it all, have it translated AND apostilled.  This means I have to send certificates of adoption AND birth BACK to NC for apostille, and our stuff to Austin for Apostille.....
MERCY.... now I am overwhelmed! 
The man on the phone was REALLY kind.  In his Russian Accent he said, "This is very complicated case!"  I said, "Do you think?" :)

I assured him we were trying to do everything we could and we were doing our best, but the website didn't tell us to do all the stuff he was saying we had to do.  It is interesting, because with Sarah, we just had to re register her and get a new number. (Ukraine)
But with Russia, they will be sending all our information to Russia and Alli will be issued a new birth certificate in Russian, with our names, a new adoption decree FROM RUSSIA with our names and eventually a new passport, when all that stuff comes back.  But... he said we have to go to HOUSTON in PERSON to get the passport.

I'm sort of impressed. :)  I think.... I hope it works the second time!

THE LETTER

 

Here is a case in point  about not comprehending English.... After Alli's troubles yesterday, when we were talking, I said, "Alli, you're killin' me here..." Meaning.... you are stressing me out..... Thus, at midnight I get this letter.... :) The spelling is really impressive here. Usually when she is upset, her spelling is REALLY awful.... :)

 

Uncovering Buried Triggers

Sometimes we are like mine sweepers on the battle field unearthing  and diffusing bombs before they go off.  Sometimes we miss the mine and set the trigger.

"I'm sorry Mommy, you really are better than a horse! :)

I blogged about 3 steps back, a little while ago. 
I had noticed the last few days, in FACT right after I wrote that wonderful 14 month update, that something was going a little south.   She seemed more on edge, and I couldn't quite figure it out.

To add to her dysregulation, we had a change of plans last night and more changes of plans this a.m. along with one of Anna's friends spending the afternoon.  It all came crashing down. The "Window of Tolerance" slammed shut!.... and oh she was mad.

Trying to figure it out was tricky....I just couldn't put my finger on it.  So here I am doing my best to be in BCLC mode, yet there was this child sitting there talking back, and saying hurtful things, declaring that "YOU NEVER TRUSTED ME!"  "YOU ARE JUST LIKE THE OTHER FAMILIES!" "You think I steal!" "I KNOW that is what you think about me!" 
BINGO....
That was my clue.  What happened recently where I didn't trust her?  Actually nothing.  BUT.....
we had 2 left over containers of bubble tape from Easter. They came in packs of 3 and I had to buy 2, so we wound up with 6.... and we only have 4 girls.  The other 2 containers were on my dresser.  A few days ago, I noticed one was gone.  I didn't really think that much about it, but asked the girls, "Did anybody get into the bubble tape? One of the leftovers is gone."     Daddy said he took it, and it was over.
We really don't deal with stealing at all, and that is why I asked, because I really didn't suspect anybody.
Alli seemed a little defensive when I asked the group about it and I thought I had settled it right then. "I'm not accusing, just asking if anybody did, that is all. I'd just like to know what happened to it."

Well, her behaviors started to get more and more irritated. And she started to withdraw from family activity.  She once again separated herself from her sisters like she was the outsider......
I was just puzzled. Today when Anna's friend came over, she didn't really engage like she normally would.  She instead was inside looking at horse pictures.

When we finally got to the bottom of her outburst, it dawned on me that the only thing she could have been talking about was the gum.  So I said, "Did you think I thought you stole that gum?"  She nodded her head yes. 
"I never accused you of taking it, and we all know that daddy took it." 
"I know, but you THOUGHT I did!"
"No, I didn't think anything, that is why I asked! And frankly, if you wanted it, I would have gladly given it to you to get rid of it."

I then pointed out to her that we are not just ANY family, or the OTHER families, we are THIS family!
She started to cry a cry of relief. 
And then we had a conversation about horses. 
Horses don't hurt you. They don't reject you. They don't really have choices with you. You put a saddle on them and ride them and they obey. (if they are trained)
People DO hurt you sometimes, and love you and care for you.... and TALK to you and try to understand you.  People relate you in a way a horse cannot.
"Have you ever seen a "horse city"?"   "Do you see horses building roads?"
"That is because they are not people, they are animals!" 
Sometimes when we are hurt, it makes us want to escape by loving animals, who do not have the ability to have an equal relationship.
People relationships are HARDER than horse relationships, because People are not animals to be controlled.  People feel just like you do; they get hurt and  misunderstood too. But they also love and care and we NEED those relationships. 

She was very relieved that I didn't consider her to be a thief.  I asked her, "Have you been called a thief before?"
The answer was "Yes, in my last family. They said I took GUM." 

Sometimes, being a parent to a hurt child is like being give a tattered jigsaw puzzle and the pieces don't all quite fit, or the picture is torn off of some of the pieces, so it is really hard to put together.
But when it DOES come together, it makes total sense. 

So glad I'm better than a horse. :)

3 Steps Back

Yep, that is our day today.
Sigh..... :)

 (I took this during Alli's fit today)

I blogged that I hadn't seen any RAD or PTSD behaviors in a while..... spoke too soon.
We'll get through this stage and move on.  Not sure what triggered it..... 
She has been obsessing about horses.  Right now, horses are more important than family.
Those are words of hurt and anger. 
Sometimes I wonder, "Would I rather have me, or a horse?", if I were a kid.

 Don't I resemble a bit of a horse?  :)
(Alli took this during my nap today).....

"Just Going To The Bathroom"

"Just Gong To the Bathroom".... was what I heard from Sarah when I asked, "who is up?"
I can't express how much my heart is filled with Joy at that declaration!
Sarah has been home now, for almost 7 years. (May 5th)

It took nearly 3 years before she was able to go into the bathroom alone, due to previous abuse. :(
And now, I hear her say, "I'm in the bathroom!"  WOW!
I am so happy for her. :) She is my sweet baby girl.:)
It is amazing how a simple statement can make me feel such joy. My baby girl at one time was frozen with fear to not have me with her day or night , and now,  it is just normal for her. :)

When Sarah came home, she was such a tiny, spunky little bundle of energy.  She had a smile that would light up a room, still does.  But behind all that sweetness and cuteness was a very, VERY hurt little girl.
She was not quite 6 years old, when we went and picked her up from the Famous McDonald's play land.  I still remember her questions to me, when I asked her if she had any.  I fully expected them to be questions like, "Do you have any toys?" or "Where am I going to live?"
Her questions were much more direct, all having to do with her safety.  "Are you going to hit me?" "Are you going to leave me alone in the dark?" "Are you going to squeeze my hands?" 
My heart sank at the thought of what had happened to her.  We didn't know much, but we found out fairly quickly, as she gained more trust in us.

Today, Sarah is a happy, healthy, soon to be TEENAGER!  I cannot beleive it!  She was the baby for such a long time.  She still expresses fears of growing up, and we have told her, she doesn't have to make herself grow up. If she still likes to play with toys, that is just FINE!  One of her cool sister's in law told her that she played with barbies until she was 14!  I think that makes Sarah feel better. 

She is approaching her birthday with trepidition, as she THINKS it is going to make her cross an imaginary line from childhood to adulthood.  I think she will relax the next day when all is the same. :)
Explaining to her that growing up is a good thing, and something that comes naturally is a hard concept for her to understand.  Yet, I 'm starting to see little rumblings of change in her already. 
We talked about that recently, and I think it brought her comfort. 

It is wonderful that she LOVES being a kid.   That tells me she is happy and secure at home. :)
Of course she has said she is never leaving!  LOL

I'm enjoying these words now, because I know all too soon, some wonderful person will sweep her off her feet and her devotion will be to him.  

I'm so proud of our spunky, funny little girl. :)  Happy Familyversary Sarah!

Anna and Her ToothBrush

Anna has been best friends with her toothbrush ever since she misplaced her Ipod.    Poor girl still has not located it.   SO why would this make her friends with her toothbrush?  Well, because her toothbrush is a Justin Bieber toothbrush and plays 2 songs. :)  I saw her go on a walk with her tooth brush, and right now, Erika is doing her hair up, and they are listening to her tooth brush.  (that is the little red and white thing on the counter)  LOL
I love kids. :)

A 14 Month Update

Last year

This Year

Alli has been home now for 14 months and I wanted to give a little update on her.  She is doing awesome.
Her one year anniversary passed and it seems that she went through a threshold of not turning back!  I wasn't sure what would happen, as she stressed about getting to that one year and rejoiced after she got there.

What I HAVE seen is her pressing into her studies more.  She is learning to comprehend English better and better which makes it MUCH easier on me.  When I ask her if she understands, she no longer gets defensive, but says yes or no and knows that it is not a test of her worthiness.

One of the biggest changes we have seen is in her ability to cope with dysregulation.  She is ACTIVELY seeking out her tools ON HER OWN.  I rarely have to remind her.  Instead, she will catch herself and immediately apologize without being asked, if she has been snotty.  And being snotty lately is rather rare. :)

She is writing in her Mom Dad and Me book regularly.. and her latest note was sooo sweet.  :) 

Alli has grown 4 inches in a year and gained over 10 lbs.  And she is not showing any signs of slowing down! She may wind up being the tallest girl we have around here.   I asked her if her first mom and dad were tall and she said VERY.... But I'm not sure if that is just a perspective, because she was a very tiny for her age 7 year old. LOL  Everybody is big when you are little. :) I remember one of our boys thinking his dad was HUGE when he was little.  He really wasn't. :)

Easter memories were all from Easter last year and she didn't stress at all about the Easter Egg Hunt.  She fully knew it was going to happen! 

Her relationships with her sisters are secure! She is firmly bonded with each of them and regularly tells them that she loves them.  She in on a daddy daughter date tonight, and before she left she hugged everybody goodbye. 

Morning routine has been the hardest transition for her.  But she is now getting up happily and getting her grooming done before school 80% of the time.  Sometimes she brings  a brush when we are starting to finish her hair. 
I have to say, our new baking soda wash and  apple cider vinegar rinse has made her hair much more manageable in the tangles department. :) 

Right now, she is very interested in all the bugs she can find.  She loves taking jars outside to catch them. She loves climbing trees and making fake cookies on the front porch.  She and Sarah are always playing some spy game, and eventually get Anna to join in the fun. :) 
Overall, Alli is LOVING being a kid.  She is going through all the stages she missed at a younger age, but catching up fast.  We have gained a HUGE amount of ground in 14 months. 

Honestly, I am not seeing signs of RAD anymore.  I'm am seeing very little of the PTSD symptoms, and I am seeing a whole LOT of the Real ALLI.... My heart bursts with joy over this.  This is nothing short of a real life modern day miracle.

She would LOVE to have another sister and has asked about it a few times.  She said, "Mama, we can help somebody else! I'm ready!"  LOL  
At this point there are NO PLANS for another one.  So she is our baby. :) And I think she likes being that baby.  She needs to be the baby for a while longer. 

Did I say I was proud of her? :)

He Thinks He's a Person

Kit Kat...... is used to being treated like a person by the girls, so why not! :)

My Summer Head Covering

I have written about coverings  here.

 I have one in black and one in white. :)
This is a Mennonite pattern.  I am not Mennonite,  nor am I Amish,  but they have loads of experience in comfortable head wear that doesn't get in your way.  This way I can wear my hair up during the hotter months and keep it covered. :)      I used one of these coverings a long time ago and then it disappeared.... I still have never found it!  The last line of this post makes me wonder if a certain 5 year old may have confiscated it for play. LOL  Inquiring minds do wish to know! :)

I ordered it from THIS SITE.    The lady makes her coverings and is very delightful to communicate with.
Here is a front and side view....



The girls want to get one for dress up too. :) 

Erika Is So Artistic!

She takes great photos! :)

Miss Olivia

5 Days Old!

Proud brothers and an especially happy Charlie! :)

Guess Who Just Graduated To A New Math Book!

YES SHE DID!

 Alli has worked really hard through her Rod and Staff book.  She is now ready to switch to Saxon!  She couldn't do Saxon last year because the word problems were too complicated for her to understand.  So she has improved in Many areas!

 She is proud, and so is Mama. :)

Alli Meets A Hard Head!

Yep, Saturday night, she was helping Erika stand up.  Erika swung her head back and got Alli right on the cheek bone.  It must have been a perfect bone to hard head match.  A bruise started to show up right away!  We put ice on it, arnica ointment and then watched it turn blue! Just in time for Easter Sunday AND passport photos. LOL

 OUCH!

So here they are together..... even if Erika does have a HARD HEAD! LOL