Enjoying Spring Break

Sarah and Alli were getting creative and tried their own recipe.  Here is how it turned out. :)

And then I heard them say, "They look like Lisa's hot cakes!"  LOL
(this is from the old sit com "Green Acres". :)

What BCLC Is NOT!

I have written about BCLC several times because of the misconceptions out there regarding how one parents using the BCLC paradigm.  Recently there have been some questions I have been asked, so I wanted to clarify.....

What BCLC is NOT:

1. A kid led fun fest
2.  A guide for Wimpy Parent excuses
3.  A style of parenting where the kid rules
4. An excuse for snotty unruly kids
5. A parentless gimic that will end up in monster teenagers.
6. A parenting style that lacks authority
7. A liberal, free to be you and me, parenting gimmick.

BCLC is ALSO NOT:
1. A fear based parenting style.
2. A consequence based parenting style
3. A punishment based parenting style.
(I could go on, but I'll spare you)
What BCLC IS:

1. A patient parenting style
2. A KIND parenting style
3. A listening parenting style
4. A RELATIONSHIP based parenting style.
5. A parenting style based on forgiveness, mercy and grace.
6. A love based parenting style...

BCLC  does NOT allow kids to get away with murder.  We have respectful and kind girls around here, and our boys are the same.
I think the main point about BCLC, is that PARENTING IS NOT ABOUT Consequences, Logic, and Control ....Parenting is about raising a child to be a successful, secure and happy adult.  And if you begin your "relationship" as strangers, ESPECIALLY in light of older child adoption,  trying to control and punish unwanted behaviors is only going to cause more division, mistrust and hurt, sending you down a path of great regret and sorrow upon sorrow.



When you have somebody come into your home, you don't just throw the book of laws at them and force them to comply..... you lovingly,  guide them and teach them, building a trusting relationship along the way.
You find the things they are doing right. You study them and concentrate on the things that you love about them.  Even if it is one thing!  And then you seek to find more. 

There WILL be those times of struggle, and when they are struggling, and you show them great mercy and compassion, that BUILDS a relationship.  EVENTUALLY, things fall in to place and you get in a rhythm or dance that is called RELATIONSHIP.  They learn to trust you.
They can TRUST YOU BECAUSE you are not hurting them, criticizing their every move and making them feel like something is WRONG with them that needs to be FIXED..... 
Instead, you see them as a WHOLE person who has a REAL  NEED to have a voice, who NEEDS to be heard and understood. 
As you develop that trusting relationship, there is a whole LOT of instruction going on and a WHOLE lot of listening going on, and it has a great effect upon  the healing of your child.

When a relationship is REAL, then you will be seen as a REAL Authority and NOT somebody who has forced yourself on them.

Grace upon Grace, just as God has given us Grace upon Grace.  Do they deserve punishment sometimes?  I can think of several times this year where Miss Alli would have deserved punishment or consequences.  And though it was deserved LOGICALLY, it would never have been received and would have caused GREAT DAMAGE to her, because of her past circumstances.  
Instead, we have worked on relationship building, and understanding that our words can hurt others.
She has learned SO VERY MUCH this year and come farther than I ever expected. And I praise the Lord and give HIM glory for that.

She has been led to the everlasting water  that refreshes the soul, and she is drinking.....on her own. :) 

Today, things are way more relaxed and I can be that authority in her life that she needs, without her feeling afraid.  It is a position that I have had to earn through a lot of hard work.
I know that today, if I were to give her a consequence, she would accept it. But I do not feel the need.
If something is wrong that we need to talk about, we work it out through quiet and kind instruction and conversation, based in biblical grace and mercy. 

Yesterday, during our Pastor's sermon, in the book of Amos.... (OLD TESTAMENT)  I found something very interesting. In fact our pastor drew it out and related it to raising children.  In Amos Chapter 7, God gives Amos a vision of what the people deserve, yet he instead chooses to show them grace upon grace.  They are unrepentant... His grace and mercy is not based upon what they DID.... it is based upon His infinite love for a stiff necked people.
(that is what GOD calls them)
There are several instances in scripture of GOD NOT giving what is deserved, starting in the Garden.
God is SLOW to Anger, abounding in Great Love and forgiveness.... He is the SAME in the OT as in the NEW.....
Are we slow to anger? Are we ABOUNDING in loving kindness?
That does not mean God has never punished, he has.  And eventually, I believe He will.  But GRACE and MERCY cover us.  And HIS desire is that we would all have relationship with Him.  He will take NO PLEASURE in punishment. NONE.....
Can we say the same thing? 

There have been conversations in our home before about not taking advantage of Grace. It is not there so we can go on doing whatever we want, and those conversations have been taken very seriously.

What I have found, is that TRUST is built, and the children have developed INTERNAL CONTROL instead of being constantly controlled EXTERNALLY by somebody else.  And there is a peaceful contentment in that.

Tea Party Video

I found this video today.  Yesterday I wrote about the tea party that was had while I was at the grocery store.

I thought those were cucumbers they were eating.  Well they were, but they were pickled.
Loved it that they had such a good time.  :)

Last Words

Alli's last words before bedtime:
"I love God first, my family second, and horses last."
"Can we get a new sister?"  LOL

A Wrongful Life???

This video says that  a couple sued a medical facility for "Wrongful Life" and WON 3 MILLION DOLLARS in a court of law!  A test determined the child they were carrying did not have down syndrome.  But when the baby was born and DID indeed have down syndrome.  The couple SUED because of wrongful life. They said they would have aborted!

90% of babies with down syndrome are aborted now.  Infanticide in the name of "health". 
What a tragic story and what a tragedy.

On one hand it makes me so angry at these parents. On the other hand, I feel sad for them.  They have been raised in a society that is so self centered. They have bought into the EVIL LIE propagated in our society, that different is unacceptable.  Remember, Doctors promote these tests, and DOCTORS OFFER to "eliminate" "terminate", MURDER a baby; a PRECIOUS baby. 

I once had a family member tell me that she would have kept a baby that was born with down syndrome, but ANYTHING else she would have aborted!  I was sitting there in SHOCK, as this was when Erika was sitting over on the couch with her feet freshly missing. :( 

I was so angry, yet bit my tongue. (nearly off)  It would have done no good to say anything other than, "Wow, that is sad."   I wanted to say, "You just eliminated 3 of my children!" UGH....
But the Lord has taught me that grace and mercy go a lot farther.  I'm  just careful that this person keeps a good distance from my girls.

Children who are born with special needs different abilities, or are differently-abled (for you Em's)
should NOT have to justify their existence in society.  Each and every person brings value to our lives. EACH AND EVERY ONE!  How we don't see this in our society is incomprehensible!  

The poor child that is having to be raised in a family that felt he or she was better off dead. :(
WOW!  Can they honestly look in the mirror and see themselves as more valuable?  REALLY?

I don't get it.

A Trip To The Grocery Store

I needed to go to the grocery store, and Mike needed to go teach his weekly bible study at the local Nursing Home....  So he left, and about 20 minutes later I left.  The girls were all engaged in having a fun time at various activities, and I told them, "If you need me, call my cell or daddy's cell"....
And I left.
While I was gone:

There was an amazing Tea Party! Glad they like Veges!

 Somehow, Umbrella's were needed!

 And then, there was MUD!

LOTSA MUD!

And somehow, the mud made it inside!

 This is some sort of clean pact!  Anna coordinated everybody who was muddy to take showers and clean up BEFORE I got home!!  Thank you Anna!

When I returned home, the house was clean, everybody was bathed and laundry was going in the washing machine and being folded by all! 
WOW! What little angels! Right?  :)
CAMERA'S TELL ALL! LOL

Something On My Heart

Most of you know that we have 8 children.  Our older sons are all grown and married. Three of them have blogs that I link to from my sidebar. :)  Three of our sons were born prematurely. VERY prematurely.  As a result of that prematurity, our second son Timothy had a brain hemorrhage which resulted in him having Cerebral Palsy. 

I was always careful to include Tim in everything possible, but also, I tried to keep him from being "center stage" all the time too.  This meant, some things he cheered his brothers on, and some things they cheered him on, but we ALL Cheered!

In the early 2000's, before we brought our girls home, I watched a documentary  or news type show about siblings growing up with siblings who had special needs.  It was one of the saddest things I had ever seen. 
The bitterness some of the siblings had was downright unreal.  And oh, how the "I'm so sorry for you's" poured out from the host of the show.
I was sickened to my core. 
It caused me to think about my boys.  I remember asking how they felt, and honestly, it was QUITE the opposite of that show.  I was glad that I was not living in some sort of fantasy land!

Then came the girls.  First Anna, then Sarah, then Erika and then Alli.
I remember when we had our last home study updated, Anna said that she was glad to be getting a sister who had all her arms and legs.   She didn't mean it in a rude way, but she has had the unusual position of being the person with a normal body, instead of the other way around.
We all laughed at the thought that she was the "unusual one". :)

Anna, is such a sweet girl.  She is an amazingly helpful sister.  There is no bitterness in her, like what that news show portrayed either.  She is always saying to me, "Mom, I'll do that!" or "Mom, I can help with that."  
These last 2 weeks have been filled with wheel chair events and lifting since Erika's surgery.  There is a LOT that has to be done, including bathroom, bathing, dressing etc. 
Erika is doing more and more now that her pain is better, but still needs us for a lot. 
Today, she took her first NON SPONGE bath.  I really wanted her to get a nice, long, luxurious soak in the bath and guess who was there to help me get her in and out?  Anna.
And she takes joy in her service.   I am so proud of her.
She and Erika have a wonderful relationship.  And just like our guys,  she is proud of her brothers and sisters who have special needs.  She is also proud of her brothers and sisters who don't. 

I took her out today. She said, "I am most like Joe. We have the same smile and sense of humor. ". :)

Victoria Needs A Home

Once again I woke last night to with this little one on my heart.  I began to pray for her.  Is there a family out there for her?  She is 9 years old, just 1 1/2 years older than Erika was when she came home.
Victoria also has Arthrogryposis.  (apparently from  the waist down) I have never seen her waist or feet, but my guess is, they are not very useful.  She is able to get around, and if she had a wheel chair, she could probably REALLY get around.

Is there room in anybody's heart for her?  She is available for adoption and has been listed on the Reece's Rainbow website for years. 

Arthrogryposis is not the end of the world. Handicaps are not the end of the world. They just make us function differently, use our other abilities better and shine for the Lord. 

She needs a loving home, to feel a mother's touch, to have a daddy hold her and to have a chance of a life outside of a bed. Wouldn't it be awesome if she had sisters?

In her country, she has no chance.  When we were in Ukraine with Erika, trying to get her around even the biggest city was nearly impossible.  It literally required we CARRY her wheelchair down flights of stairs and back up again, with NO WAY to get onto the metro.  We could not cross major streets because the crossing was underground.  Just to get her into a few stores was difficult and at some, we had no access.  We had to walk away.
Supposedly there is a "wheel chair" access to get under ground. Do you know what it was?
Cement on either side of a stair way, at a STEEP level (no ramp, this was above stairs, so how to get up there was ?????) and then at the bottom, a CEMENT WALL!  Our translator told us that a wheel chair bound man tried to use it, and died.  The mayor was sad, the town was sad.... not really anything has changed.
We saw no access for anything there.  I take that back, there was ONE sign for handicapped parking... but it was no different than any other parking, and at the airport, there was a handicap sign on a bathroom door.  I was going to help Erika use it, and the door was locked.
That was it folks!

Please pray for Victoria. Please pray for her future family that the Lord will bless them with the finances and ability to go and get their little girl. Pray for her heart to be ready, and pray that she can recover completely from such severe neglect.  Poor baby.

Artem Has A Happy Home!

Last year, I wrote about little Artem being sent back on an airplane to Russia.  I was so very upset, and was able to make contact with the Taxi driver in Russia who had to take Artem to the MOE.  He was so very upset by the entire thing.  I have often thought about Artem since that time. WHAT IN THE WORLD HAPPENED TO HIM???? Was he OK?  I had heard "rumors" that he was not doing well etc. and that it proved he was a terrible, unstable, violent and damaged child.  I have HOPED it was not true all this time. And so, with JOY I can present this article.
. I am so happy for little Artem.  
Here is the text:

These are the pictures proving that there is finally love and happiness for the boy who suffered the most appalling neglect when his American adoptive mother sent him on a plane back to his Russian motherland with a note saying she no longer wanted him.
Torry Hansen, a 34-year-old nurse, unilaterally revoked her adoption of Justin, then seven, that she had agreed after travelling to Russia and plucking him from an orphanage in 2009 offering him a new life in the West.
Less than a year later the child had virtually forgotten his Russian when he was unceremoniously dumped alone on the plane and sent back to Moscow, with a note  'to whom it may concern' saying: 'I no longer wish to parent this child'.

Artem Saveliev, aged nine, is now living with a foster family outside Moscow. Last spring his American adoptive mother put Artem, who was then going by the American name Justin, alone on a plane to Russia with a note pinned to his clothing

Her action sparked worldwide outrage and a diplomatic rift between Moscow and Washington, as the Russian authorities - left to pick up the pieces - desperately sought a suitable home for a child who Hansen also cruelly labelled 'mentally unstable'.
The Kremlin's tsar for children Pavel Astakhov took a personal interest in the case but despite his efforts, initially the right home for the boy eluded them. Yet now almost two years on from his horror flight, Justin finally feels loved and cared for - thanks to a remarkable Russian foster mother.
Once again, he now lives under the name he was born with - Artem Saveliev - and he is approaching his tenth birthday.
Vera Egorova, 53, is the woman he now calls Mama. She is an 'SOS mother' in Tomilino village, part of an unusual and highly effective project to rescue society's most neglected children.
A former office worker, she has no children of her own yet she now mothers six, all under 18, and has 11 more who have grown up and left her village.  To her, they are all her sons and daughters, and she raises them with her husband Vasiliy Tibenko, 46.

'Artem came to live with us on  25 October last year (2011),' she recalled. 'We had a party that day - my daughter Sonya turned 9 - we invited Artem to join us and eat something but he was not so keen. '

Artem now calls Vera Egorova, right, Mama. She and her husband hope to adopted him and five other children they have been fostering. The Kremlin's tsar for children, Pavel Astakhov, left, has a special interest in Artem's case and makes periodic visits

He was 'exhausted by plane flights and going back and forth between orphanages and foster parents', she said.
'He then walked around our house, met the other children.  I went  with him saying - 'Look, this is your home now, you will live with us here, in our family'.

'He does not like to recall anything about America and does not want to answer any questions about it.'

- Artem's foster mother Vera

'I told him there are two more kids of the his age and he would not feel lonely. In the evening our kids talked to him and told about our life - that we are one family here, kids call each other brothers and sister, and here are your mother and father.
'We don't say orphanage, and we want Artem to find a good family here, not just another orphanage.
'Next day Artem began to call me 'Mama'. He asked me for a notebook and a pen and said he wanted to write a diary.
'He also went to our local school. Now, almost six months later, I can say he's coping well. He is a good student in school, not the very best but all is fine. There are a few slight behavioural problems, but this is natural, he's a typical boy. He went to the winter camp with other kids for New Year and learned to skate. He says he likes it here, especially that we are a family rather than an orphanage.'
Her description of him is far from the label that Hansen and her mother tagged him with before packing him back to Russia.

Vera says Artem is a good student in school, not the very best but fine. And unlike the claims of his former adoptive mother, Vera says there are only slight behavioural problems that are typical of a boy

'Artem is a nice boy, very kind and responsive. He is also very reasonable, as if he is older than his years,' said Vera.
'He likes to help me around the house, to clean and cook. The other day he helped me to clean and fry potatoes.
'I simply do not see that Artem has problems communicating with other children. I think he is mentally normal, there's no problem to establish good contact with him. He is just a child with a very sad life experience and our task is to help him. One day if he wants to tell me his story, I'll listen carefully, but I won't push him, if he wants to forget it, it is his right to do so.'

'I simply do not see that Artem has problems communicating with other children. I think he is mentally normal. He is just a child with a very sad life experience and our task is to help him.'
-Vera

Before Hansen chose him at the orphanage in the far east of Russia, he had been neglected and rejected once already - by his natural mother, who was stripped of her parental rights by a Russian court. It is hard to know how the impact of his treatment will affect him as he gets older but Vera is confident she can help him to grow up normally.
'I was shocked when I heard Artem's story, who wouldn't be?
'Whatever happened in his American family, that woman did not have a moral right to throw him away like a useless thing.
'I am sure there is a clever legal way to cancel adoption if it is all going wrong so I cannot begin to understand why she chose such an inhuman way.'
She said that Artem now wants to forget his time in the US, so painful was the ending. 'He does not like to recall anything about America and does not want to answer any questions about it. He openly tells me this.'
She stressed: 'Frankly, I was also surprised to know that normal healthy kids like Artem can be adopted by foreigners. I was sure before that it was sick and disabled kids can go to live abroad where foreign people have money and facilities to help them and take proper care.

Tennessee nurse Torry Hansen took a trip to Russia in 2009 and met Artem, who she renamed Justin, in an orphanage. Their meeting is pictured here

'I do not think it is right to let healthy good Russian kids to leave our country. We must take better take care of them ourselves.'
'I am glad that God gave me the chance to work and live here.
'I became a mum here, I started a family, I just became happy here. I am so proud that I am a mum of 17 kids, can you believe it? Artem is the 17th and he is  loved as much as all the others which is as much as any child can be loved.
'My elder kids come to see me with their children and they all call me grandma. '
This way Artem and the other younger children see that they will have a proper family, too, after they grow up.
'My husband and I now plan to officially adopt  all the six kids including Artem who live with us now, so we will be a totally normal legal family,' she confided.
Astakhov's determination that right must be done by this child have paid off, and the Kremlin official regularly finds time to visit and check up on Artem's progress.
Vera spoke as a US judge this week ruled that Hansen, from Shelbyville  in Tennessee, must pay child support even though she has not been prosecuted for neglect.

Worth forgetting: A swing set seen here in Hansen's shared backyard in Tennessee is part of life Artem hopes to forget

This followed a lawsuit from her adoption agency, World Association for Children and Parents. The judgement was made even though Hansen has now vanished to California.
'I do not believe that I can obtain a fair and unbiased hearing from this court,' she said in a letter faxed to the court.
'Whether or not Ms. Hansen will ever realise the consequences of her actions remains to be seen, but at least we know now there has a been a ruling by the court that she has been determined to be liable for her actions,' said Larry Crain, attorney for WACAP, after the hearing.
The sum that must be paid in support is yet to be fixed, and it  is likely to accumulate and go to Artem when he is an adult.
'The irony is if you leave a child in a car with the windows rolled up in a parking lot today, you can be arrested,' said Crain.
'But sending a child 3,000 miles across the Atlantic and there are no consequences for it, that is truly disturbing.'
At least, though, Artem finally has the loving home he so craved

Read more: http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2112735/Russian-boy-rejected-adopted-mother-thriving-foster-home-outside-Moscow.html#ixzz1ofgAuFSX

God bless this Russian family for opening their home and loving their children. 
Best wishes Artem!

Funnies For March

My back has been really hurting.  Anna offered to help me with laundry right before bedtime.... I said, "You are MY GIRL!"
She said,
"Well, DUH! I'm not the next door neighbor's girl! :)

 Alli: "Quick mom, get a picture before she throws me off!" LOL

Anna :" Mama, Do you know I love you?"
Yes.
Anna"  It is one of my passions, right next to cats". :)

Me- "Alli, it is time to do the dishes!"
Alli- "Can I wait a while?"
Me-  "Why?"
Alli- "Because the weather is bad and if there is a tornado, it would be a waste of time to do dishes!"
Me- "do the dishes".  :)

Anna to Alli- "Stop worrying about tornados, God is in control!"
Alli to Anna-  "That is true, and if the Lord wants us to die, He'll kill us".

Sarah twirls through the room and runs into me, (ow) then she twirls some more and runs into me again. OW!
"I'm not doing to bad for somebody twirling with their eyes closed!" ??? :)

Alli at 9:55 a.m. She just woke up... "I had a TERRIBLE time sleeping!" Really, you just woke up. "Yea, but I slept all night on a pencil and a flashlight!"

Head Coverings Revisited

I wrote a post a long time ago about Head Coverings called "Head Coverings and Me".....

I have been covering my head for years, but not 100% of the time.  Since the new year, it has been 99% of the time. :) 
I am one of the only people at my church who cover my head, and I am THANKFUL that it is no big deal there. :)   Before we joined our church we asked if it would bother them if I did, and they said no. Oh how I love this body of believers. :)

I found this article while looking for new head coverings tonight.  I thought it was really a good article, though I didn't care for the coverings shown. LOL
I have needed to find something that STAYS ON! I think the Amish and Mennonites have perfected that need. :) 
If I am BRAVE..... I am going to attempt to make my own as needed. But for now, I'll order ready made.
As I have prayed about this subject over the years, my heart has not changed and the Lord continues to convict my heart that this is right for me to do.

When Alli was baptized, Marcus and Ivy came to our service, and Ivy has also joined in covering during worship.  :) 

For me, it has become not just a time for public worship, but for all the time, as Paul speaks about  praying without ceasing. 

I think my struggle has come to an end, and I am at total peace. :) 
Hope Anne has also helped in this, as she too has come to the same conclusion. :)

As I have said before.... I do not judge those who do or those who don't .... but I have to walk in TRUTH as I believe the Lord has directed me to do.  This is not a "salvation" issue, but for me, it is an obedience issue.

Blossoming

 When I was a kid, I remember clay day at school. We had to make something beautiful, it was then painted and taken away to be fired.... when it returned, I was so proud of my beautiful bird.  I took it home and showed my mom.  She looked at it, and was rather unimpressed.  It was never mentioned again.
About 30 years later she gave it back.  It looked like a little kid had squished clay in their hand and painted it, then fired it and said it was a bird.   Oh boy! That is NOT how I remember that bird looking.  Maybe she mistook MY masterpiece for somebody else's?  hmmmm.  Probably not.

It is fun to watch the Noelles blossom. :)  When we made our lungs last month, I noticed how detailed Alli was.  They all did really good, but she seemed to have this detail to her work.

Well, the rest of the clay has been sitting there, and this is what she has done in the last HOUR....

 a cat for erika

 a girl for Sarah

 a dog licking his paw for Anna
Yes, I think she may have some artistic talent there. :)

I think my latest talent is baking gluten free cookies to add to my waist line. :)

 YUMMMM!

And then there are the talented people at LifeSeasons who have developed this Anti-Hotflash capsule!  Yes, THANK YOU!

Alli declared that everybody has talent in this family! She went on to name Anna's writing ability, Sarah's Dancing, Erika's knitting, mommy's singing and cooking and daddy's fixing things.....

The neat thing about her discovery is that she is seeing that her own talents are HERS and they are OK. She doesn't have to strive to be like everybody else. :)  This is BIG for her.  
Last year at this time she was trying to convert herself into a clone of Sarah.  Today, she is happy to be Alli. :)  And we are happy she is seeing that she has much to offer from within herself.

Connected

An impromptu dance:
Filmed by Miss Erika.... so sorry you couldn't dance too baby.  :) SOON!

An Object Lesson On Forgiveness

Yesterday was a bit of a fall apart day after a huge weekend and one week post surgery for Erika.  To say that I'm exhausted would be a bit of an understatement. :)
But, we press on!  Because that is what we moms do.

Well, It wasn't just Miss Alli's fall apart day, but it was mine too.  I'll start with her and then move on to me.

She was just being snippy during school, and struggling to remain in control.  It wound up being one of those, "You may not  talk LIKE that to mom. It is not ok, use your tools, and more sorta day." 

I asked her, "Alli, if you were a mama, what would you do with you?" (I could NEVER have asked this a year ago)
She said, of course, "I don't know!"  So I asked her to think about it. 
Our day went on and she finished all her school work, and then asked if she could go outside to play.
I told her, she could, AFTER she answered my question. 

(I had thought up this object lesson and wanted to use it to help her understand grace and mercy)

So she sat there for a minute, and wanting to go outside helped her come up with an answer.  It was also very telling for where she is in her heart, towards herself.

She blurted out.... "I would punish me by taking away computer for a year!"  Wow!
So, I said, "Is that what you think you deserve?"  She said yes.... and then added , "But I don't really care about computer."
So I  asked, "Is that all you think you deserve?"  She looked puzzled and thought about it.


"I think I shouldn't be allowed to go outside for a year!"   "Really?  Do you know how long a year is?"

I just wanted to make sure she understood how harsh she was being with herself.

She said she did.

And and then I said, "Ok, that will be fine." And I turned around to read something.  She was standing there in disbelief... She had just sentenced herself to a year of no going outside to play and a year without computer!   The reality started to sink in, and little tears started to flow.

I asked her what was the matter?

She said, "I like playing outside."  I said, "I know you do. I'm sorry you were so hard on yourself." "Just remember, Mama didn't give you that punishment, you gave it to yourself. "   I waited about another minute and she was still standing there feeling the weight of her impending doom.

And then, I turned to her and we talked about all of the things she knew and understood about the gospel.  How she knows that Jesus took the punishment for sin, and we do not have the penalty of sin, but walk in His Grace.
The next thing I said was, "In the same way that God forgives us, I am going to forgive you. Your punishment is gone, it is covered and is no more." 
Tears streamed down her face as she listened to me speak words of love to her.  I told her, to be very careful not to take advantage of the grace given to her, and to remember that even though we deserve punishment, God gives us grace and mercy, and mama is going to do the same thing. 

WOW...what a light bulb went off for her.  She could see things very clearly.  I could also see just how hard she is on herself.  She still bears deep shame and believes she is deserving of harsh treatment. :(    Was she trying to create a situation where she would get what she felt she deserved? Yes. Many kids do this very thing. 
It is hard not to fall into the "shame trap" that our kids can set up.... but oh so important not to.
HOWEVER... there is the human factor.

Our sweetie went outside and played and did really great after that..... and then MAMA Happened....

Did I say I was exhausted?  It doesn't matter. That is an excuse.  Last night right before bedtime, Daddy smelled fingernail polish remover coming from Sarah and Alli's room.  Sure enough, there was a mixing thing going on in there. Alli had mixed some things together to play and put it in a shampoo bottle of all things!    He brought it to my attention, and we both went in to inquire about what in the WORLD they were thinking.  (they were cleaning barbies??) 

Well, I didn't handle it so well.  I came in blazing..... "Don't you know that somebody could have mistaken that for shampoo and could have been BLINDED???"  "If you aren't mature enough to use things for what they are meant for, then you can't have them! blah blah blahh..........
Yep, this came out of my mouth....
What I was saying wasn't necessarily wrong.... the DELIVERY was VERY Wrong!

Accusing isn't the best way to handle things. Both girls started feeling defensive .
Mike, graciously said, "Mom and I need to go in the other room"..... "Dear, you are not handling that very well".   
OUCH...and he was RIGHT.

I regained myself as best I could.... and then we went back in  and finished talking with the girls. We gave them opportunity to explain, and then we explained that they cannot use those things for what they wanted to use them for, and everything was better understood.
It was time for bed and all contraband had been handed over.  We let them know we would talk more about it in the morning  and then we retreated back to the kitchen.

Guess what?
Both of our girls came in on their own and apologized and said they were sorry.
I said I was sorry too.
And I received grace and mercy back, from my husband and daughters.  Because that is what families do. They forgive.

Post Surgery Update

Erika and I went to see the Surgeon this a.m.  We have a better plan to manage pain, and then in 3 more weeks we will start prosthesis.  She has too much swelling right now.  But the good news is, she has 3 sisters to keep her distracted, and they are taking VERY good care of her. :)

She is looking forward to walking again, but it will be a couple of months.  Alli LOVES to steer her around in her wheel chair, so does Sarah.  Anna, has been very helpful in every way.

I have been touched watching the girls love on their big sister.  It is not easy being down....and Erika VERY MUCH is not inactive, even with arthrogryposis. 

We will all get through this TOGETHER!

A Celebration

Today, we celebrated Alli's Baptism, and her 1 year anniversary in a big way! 
                                               CHUCK E. CHEESE

Here is the video of Alli's Baptism:

And then, after Church, we went and celebrated both her baptism and our Year together with several friends.

 Waiting for daddy.

 Having Fun

 Friends

 More Friends

 Picture wars

 Tickets

 Anna explaining to Erika how she won that game.

 Precious friends

 Enjoying herself

 Anna and her best friend Hannah

 Erika and Alli

 In the car on the way home...Everybody is pretty tired.

 Erika is in my seat....

 So I could take a picture of daddy from the back seat.

And that was our day.  Thank you Marcus and Ivy for coming, and for all of our friends who took the time to celebrate with us. We love and appreciate you!

Thank You Anna!

Anna takes joy in helping.  She LOVES her sisters.  She loves her mama and daddy. :)  This week is NORMALLY Erika's turn for Kitchen Duty.  But Erika is in a wheel chair. (She has even insisted on helping LOL)
 I have been doing it for her, and several times this week, I have found it already done, and done WELL.... Guess who has been sacrifically serving?  Miss Anna. :) 
We had a guest over  this a.m. with his little grand daughter.  While I was talking with our guest, Anna began the kitchen, dining room, living room and did the floors. 
Our guest was so impressed with her servanthood.  She was being Christ to her sister, and to me. :)
Thank you sweet heart. :)

Leading By Example

Jesus said, "Follow Me!"  Paul said, "follow my example"...

Paul could say that, because he followed Christ. 

How about us?  Can we say to our children, "Follow me" ?    Can we say to them, "Act like me"?
If not, Why not?

Self inspection is a good thing. We all have short comings and flaws, and yes, Mrs. Nasty rears her ugly head now and again.... But that is not an excuse for lazy acceptance.  We need to strive IN CHRIST to be more like Him.
When parenting children with challenges, or children without, I have asked myself over and over in the last 33 years...
Would I want to be parented by me? Are my children imitating MY behavior?  Am I a good representative of Christ to my children? Do I give them any reason, through my example to want to follow Christ too?  When I am wrong, Do I apologize?   Do I say NO too often, or just because?  Are my Yes's more than my No's? 

Am I KIND?  "It's your KINDNESS that leads us to repentance Oh Lord!" (Romans 2:4)


Just a thought.....

Mom Dad and Me Books: Updated

I wrote about Mom Dad and Me books, here.
We have consistently used our books at least on a weekly basis, sometimes daily.  It is funny how you can get into a routine and each of our girls is different how they use them. 
We have talked about delicate girl things, or we have even told jokes to each other.  But the great thing is, everybody is using them, and everybody seems to like them. :)

If you haven't tried something like this, I encourage you to  do it.  Writing encouraging words to your children can never be wrong. They can even go back and read your kind words again and again. 
If they are sad, and not ready to talk, sometimes they are ready to write.  If they are embarrassed, they will write, if they are happy, they will write. 

Spelling does not matter in these books and it is not corrected.    If things become dormant, all it takes is mom or dad writing a word of encouragement, and the writing begins once again.

If anybody started to use the idea, how has it gone?  Has it made a difference?

The Answer: ADOPTION

I believe in the sun even when it's not shining. I believe in love even when I don't feel it. And I believe in God even when He is silent. (quote found on the wall of a concentration camp)

combine with this quote:

"If I were to ask God why He lets poverty and injustice exist, why there are so many orphans and why He does nothing about it, I am SURE He would ask me the same ..."
author unknown

and you get ADOPTION..... 
The first  quote is the perspective of the orphan, the second, of the person who's concept about life needs to change. " It isn't all about 'Me'."
God LOVES orphans....He is the author of adoption.  After all, He DID adopt US.  He works in the hearts of people and moves them, when they are willing to take a risk, dive off of a cliff. :)  

There are no guarantees in how our lives will turn out.... except IN CHRIST.... There is EVERY GUARANTEE that HE will be with us, no matter what.  My Erika remembers the Lord visiting her in that dying  laying room.  And when her hopes were dashed in the orphanage, and God seemed silent.  He was NOT.  He was speaking to US.... about a little girl we knew almost nothing about; a little girl who was at the brink of forever being a lost child.

A person from our church went on a missions trip and saw her before we did. They knew we were planning to go and get her.  They came back with "BAD NEWS", "We don't think you should adopt her... she seems to be clinically depressed." 
Well, do you think??  I surely would be.

When Erika longed for a family; when she thought nobody would ever come.... God was speaking to OUR hearts. He was shouting to us, in that still quiet voice.... Erika is yours.  His desire was for her to be here.  And HIS desire became OUR desire.  Some may ask, why her? Why Ukraine?  I don't even question it.  The Lord guides different people to do different things.  That is why we are His hands, His Feet.... we are all called to different purposes and plans.

Adoption IS like jumping off a huge cliff into the land of the unknown.  You CANNOT hold back or protect yourself.... you dive in head first and DON'T LOOK BACK!  And when you DIVE... YOU DIVE INTO LOVE. 

A Pocket Full of Blessings!

Erika has been having more pain today and struggling to keep it under control.  It is amazing the timing of this Pocket Full of Blessings that arrived! 

She said, "Wow, I am feeling better!" :)

Thank you so VERY MUCH all of you over at Blessed By A Child!  What a wonderful group of artists! The Lord used each of you today to cheer up  my girl! :)

Blessings to you!