A Daddy Alli Date

We try to take the girls out for alone time once a month. Tonight was Alli's turn. :)

 I think they had a great time! :)  Daddy rocked Miss Alli tonight. It is always great to see Daddy in the rocker. :)

Mom A Super Hero????

Today started out great. I thought it was going to remain so...but little sin natures have  a way of getting in the way of the "perfect day".
Instead, we had a perfect storm brew.
Joe called.  I love it when he calls. I don't get to see him because of how far away they live.... so a call is like a breath of fresh air!
Why is it that sometimes there is this 6th sense with kids...."Mom is on the phone, so we can get a little crazy!"
That is what happened.

Miss Alli decided to snot off to somebody, and then that person got upset and before I knew it there were bossy girls and hurt girls and my phone call was being interrupted.

Have you ever tried to have a conversation where you didn't want it to end, but you needed to guide 4 young ladies in various forms of upset into your room to lay on your bed while you finished your call?
Wow! My fingers are powerful!  Snap! Point! x's 4 and everybody was in the room.
Anna even went and got the camera! LOL

Everybody was in pretty good humor except for Miss Alli.  She THOUGHT that Anna and Sarah were leaving for a walk without her. They weren't. Anna tried to get her attention so that she could invite her for the walk, and she was already mad.  That is what the commotion was all about.  There was no telling her anything different and then she lost it and started to yell and talk back.
So, I sent Anna and Sarah for the walk, after I hung up from talking with Joe.
Of course Miss Alli said, "I DON'T CARE!"

Well I know she does.....or she wouldn't have been so upset.

I SHOULD have let her stay in her room to cool down after she slammed the door. I didn't..... Instead, I walked into a bee hive with one very large angry bee!
I asked her to come with me.
She refused.
I asked again and tried to take her hand.

She recoiled and followed me into the room and then proceeded very angrily to lunge towards me.
Well, you see, I have this training that I never thought I'd have to use. I got the training years ago!
It was so fast, I don't know what happened, but she was no longer lunging and I was holding her in a tight, safe manner.
I let her know matter of factly and rather LOUDLY, she was NEVER, EVER to do that again!
I think I shocked her.
This ole' body doesn't work very well.  But it worked this time.  And it worked well!
While we were facing each other, I also let her know that I knew she was needing to vent, needing to raise her angst up to have a release of pressure, but that is NOT how we do things.  Breathing works MUCH better.
While we were there, and I had not let go, because she was too mad, I let her know that I was very angry. I was angry at myself for not waiting for her to cool down. I was angry that she was so angry. I was angry that TRAUMA had taken over, and I was angry that I was angry.


SO, here I am telling her.... I am sorry, I should have let you stay in your room and cool down, but it is NOT ok what you are doing, it is NOT ok for you to act this way, IT IS NEVER EVER ok for you to put your foot in my face or your hands in my face. (she did not kick or hit me)
I  had Erika bring the small mirror over for her to see herself. She wouldn't look. I wanted her to look.... I told her she was beautiful and capable of much good, but she was also capable of much wrong....as am I.  

As she began to calm down, I let her know exactly what I expected of her and made sure there were no misunderstandings.  She was to go into her room, get it straightened up, and then get on her bed and wait for me to come.

She is cleaning her room right now.  I walked into her room and she was sedate and calm. She was actually almost cheerful. Her release of energy that she so needed to get rid of, was gone and she felt better.  Of course I KNEW that was what she was doing..... so why did I react??  I have a very vulnerable button. I know it is there, it always has been. I cannot handle having anybody touch my face AT ALL..... I can't say why here, but there is a reason.  It is my own personal trauma.

I strongly do not like tension!
So, I decided to diffuse myself.
"Miss Alli, do you know that you have a very special mama?"  puzzled look.
"Did you know Mama has special training?"  more puzzled look!
"You don't think just any ole' mama could get you under control do you?"  smile
"Did you know Mama and Daddy are super heroes?" grin
"You've seen Daddy's super hero underwear! You don't just get those! You EARN them!"
(Daddy has several pairs of SH undies... :)  The girls always laugh when they fold them)
LAUGHING.

And then a few minutes later.....
"Mama, are you really a super hero?" :)


This post was mama and Alli approved........

part 2......

We had our talk. Alli was very sorry.... She was upset with herself for her behavior.  We talked a little bit more and we did look in the mirror together.  I wanted her to see herself when I told her how much I love her and how special she is to me.   She looked.... she looked away......she looked again and then we held each other for a long time.

And no I'm not a super hero.  I really didn't follow protocol and feel like I walked right into a trap I knew I shouldn't. Why did I do that?  I don't know, but I DO know, I don't want to ever have to use my super hero training again! :/

Chiara Went on Vacation Again :)

And she sent us these LOVELY Postcards! Thank you so much!!!!!

Progress

I wrote a few days about "Growing Pains".  I was a bit caught off guard by some of the difficulties of growing up....I SOOOOO want each of my sweeties to succeed, to be loved, to feel love, to feel accepted, to be well adjusted adults, to serve the Lord, to LOVE their family and SO MUCH MORE!

The last couple of days, and I do realize it is just a couple of days, have been so nice.  Our little sweetie has sought us out. She has loved on us, hugged us, talked to us about her dreams and ideas and it has been joyful for my heart; balm to my broken heart.

I did talk to her about what is acceptable and what is not. The H word is NEVER to be spoken.  We may be angry, or upset, but no more H word.  That was accepted and adhered to. :)

Mike and I have also been doing a lot of listening.  Listening is always a good thing. 

We have also started school, and our girls are ALL doing wonderfully. Even though some have forgotten things, one is in desperate need of math help, another reading help... .the attitudes have been FANTASTIC!  I am so pleased. :)
I love our family. :) I love that the Lord is working in our lives to conform us to His image. 
I look forward to the day when we are ALL there. :) 

Alli's Creativity

I have never quite seen this one before!

Alli was eating her tortilla before bedtime.  It is rather beautiful, isn't it? She bit her way into designing a snowflake. :)    LOL

Kitty Arthrogryposis

I posted this for Erika. :)  I can't wait for her to see it in the A.M. :)

 

What  sweet little kitty.

GROWING PAINS

I have never raised girls. I grew up in a family of girls and a little brother, and my memories of girls were way different than my experience with raising boys.
I believe much of the difference had to do with parenting style, yet, there are some things that cannot be dismissed. 
GIRLS are more emotional, more observant, more in touch with the invisible.....They are delightful, yet mysterious. They can be happy one minute and the next be in the depths of despair. 

Is it adoption? Is it female? Is it early trauma? YES. :)

What can we do? We can be the constant in their lives that they need us to be. We can choose to be the rock, the lighthouse that doesn't move in the midst of the storm and crashing waves of emotion.

Soooo, does it sound like we are dealing with some things? Yes... we are. :)
Yet, at the same time, both Mike and I see our sweetie who is struggling in the big picture. Right now, is right now....it is not next week, it is not next year.  When Mike and I  were talking today, we were so on the same page! It was awesome. When a challenge comes up, we get together and pray, brain storm and come up with a plan. I love my husband.
I have been comforted by many friends who have tread this path before us.... and I am so thankful for their wisdom.

It has been a time for introspection. Where can we improve? Where can I change? Do I need to reach THIS daughter differently?  There are some things I can see that I may need to tweak.....
And you know what? That is OK!  I am growing too as a parent. I never cease to learn. :)

I love my girls. They keep me on my knees. :)
We didn't go into parenting and especially into adoption because we knew that the outcome would be perfect and we would shine like stars.... We are not saints, we are not perfect, nor are our children.
They are lovely girls, each and every one of them!

We have had so many things thrown our way in the last couple of years..... I am not surprised in the least that our sweetie is reacting.  She has dropped several hints on her pain including the loss of her dear Uncle, her Grandfather and grand mother and then her beloved pet goat. :(
We do not underestimate the impact of bringing in a new sister either. Even though we were all in agreement, we knew there would be adjustment.  And now that Miss Alli is so very, VERY settled.... it is time to focus on our other sweetie. :)
She needs us.  She needs us to love her through this difficult time in assessing her life.  She is in the midst of conflict in finding herself; finding who she is; finding how she belongs. 

I love her so very, very much.

I remember being her age and the anxt of change....making friends, learning about clothing, learning about feelings that make no sense.....Oh my, girlhood is complicated! It is much more than  dresses instead of jeans.  
I pray that we get through these years that are upcoming with a greater wisdom, a greater understanding and with a greater faith.  And I pray that our sweeties continue to feel secure and accepted, even though their beginnings were so very sad.

We serve an amazing God who uses ALL circumstances in our lives to draw us to Him.  I am also reminded just how much He loves us.  When we are faithless, HE remains faithful!  This resounds in my ears... because as an adopted daughter of the Most High, I have been faithless before..... I have questioned HIM, I have ignored HIM, yet HE remained faithful and perfect and loving and constant in my life. :)
HE is our perfect example.  :)
May we endeavor to be more like Christ.

A Mother's Thoughts

After Erika's appointment yesterday, my mind was swimming in thoughts. 
When Tim was born, I was all of 22 years old.  The situation was so serious, actually beyond so serious. There was no internet back then. There was no google, no internet pictures; nothing but the medical library, and I had no medical degree. 

However, it didn't take a rocket scientist to know that being declared "brain dead"; meant DEAD. You are going to cease to live. You are going to bury your child. (Obviously we didn't bury Tim.  Praise the Lord for that. He is a husband, father and teacher today. )
  It was almost a year before I heard the words cerebral palsy and much of what we learned, we learned by accident.... trial and error. 

Back then, they didn't give you too much info.... they fed it to you in a slow, continual line of simplicity that tended to just make me mad..... "Just TELL ME EVERYTHING so I can do research... It doesn't MATTER how I FEEL! MY FEELINGS  have nothing to DO with it!

When Joseph was born, and the doctor came in and said, "You're baby is a 'little sick'; those were my words. "Cut to the chase! Does he have Hyline Membrane?  Is he on a respirator? "  "DON'T TELL ME HE's A LITTLE SICK!"  "HE'S A LOT SICK!"
By the time we got to Marcus,  I didn't need to be told. I knew. I let them go through their dialogue and then I could ask real questions.

I am really thankful that the understanding that some things cannot be fixed has been reality for a very long time.  In one way, it makes the present easier to fathom....in a logical sense.... but the other reality is that it still hurts.
  I hate it that my  children have to struggle to do what most people in the world take for granted.  Most of the time I deny myself the luxury to feel.  After all, if I cry, or if I feel sad, what kind of an example would that be?  Wouldn't I be teaching them to feel sorry for themselves?  Instead, I save those moments for private.  OR, I don't reveal why I'm feeling weepy.  I chalk it up to menopause and then I tough it up once again.

Honestly, yesterday, I was hoping that we were not at the end of what could be done to intervene with Erika. I was HOPING that there was something more that could give her mobility.  But reality is, there isn't.  Or at least there is nothing that can give her any real benefit.  They can rotate her knees to the right direction, but it really won't give much benefit because she has no flexibility in her hips.
We found out that it is actually BETTER that her knees are not straight because that way she can clear her feet in front of her.  She throws her legs out a bit and that gives her the clearance she needs to walk.
So, DEEP BREATHS.... Erika is Erika. And I am so grateful for her! Erika is not Arthrogryposis. Erika HAS arthrogryposis.  Erika is a miracle. She is my miracle.  And once again, YES, she is fearfully and wonderfully made. God did NOT make a mistake. 
Our next step has been in helping Erika,  who cannot bend at the hip, to learn how to get up off of the floor. She has become really fast with a chair. But there won't be chairs in the mall or if she goes out when she is older. There won't always be people to lift her, and I so want her to have the opportunity to experience as much of a normal life as possible.
So, we have started "Cane Therapy".  :)
A little comedy always helps my hurting heart. :) And there is nothing like a sweet sister to join in the therapy fun! :)

Erika's Appointment

We all headed out to Texas Scottish Rite Hospital to see Dr. Herring.  He is an amazing doctor.
Erika is getting older and has lots of questions about her condition, and whether she could have any surgery that would further her ability to function better.
Her words to the doctor were..... "I want to run. I want to be able to bend at the hips. I want to get off of the ground by myself when I fall. " 
My questions were, "If we were to rotate her legs so her knees were facing forwards, (they are both at the sides) would this improve her gait?" 
Mike wanted to know what benefits she would have from any surgery.
As we all talked and watched Erika walk back and forth, checking out her gait, checking out how she functions.....and especially after we all went upstairs to the Physical Therapy room to observe her in action....we all came to agreement that Erika is Erika. She is functioning well, and can now get up from the floor with the help of a chair.  This is something relatively new, and something she has HAD to learn because she is getting bigger and bigger and well, my back.....but that is another post..... :/

The Physical Therapist suggested maybe we start to work with her in getting up using a cane.  We have a cane to practice with, and Dr. Herring thought, if she can learn this skill, she could actually carry a retractable cane with her and if she were to fall while out and about when she is older, she would be able to get up on her own!  This is good news!

We have our work cut out for us, which is good. All of our questions were answered. We are so thankful that Erika can walk! She just can't bend or sit very well.  She has less than 20 percent flexibility in her hips.. 
Dr. Herring said that when hips are involved, you are either sitting or standing. Erika is standing.
The X rays on her hips tell her story.  Her right hip does not even have a ball to go into the socket. This was the hip operated on a few years ago.  There is just not enough of a joint to work with.
Her other hip is nearly fused in place.

I am so thankful for all the information and that our questions were answered today. 
Yes, Erika is Erika. She is fearfully and wonderfully made.

 We also met a facebook friend and fellow parent to a little girl who has Arthrogryposis.  She stopped by from her nearby office. It is always great to meet other parents. :)
Thanks Karen!

Girl Bonding

Tomorrow the entire family is headed to Scottish Rite Hospital for Children. Erika has a very important appointment tomorrow, which will determine a direction for her, regarding her legs.
That is another post altogether. I'll post about it tomorrow after we get home. :)

I asked all the girls to plan ahead for tomorrow so they don't have to decide what to wear in the a.m.
Sarah and Alli really took me seriously. LOL

Notice, they even have matching barrettes! :)

I took this photo this a.m.   We are about to leave..... You would think they were going shopping! LOL

Alli and Me

We have had some wonderful days...We REALLY Have!
Today, after school was over, the girls had to do their chores. This for some reason is a trigger for Miss Alli.
While Sarah was doing her job, Alli asked her to help her with HER job. Sarah said, "I can't, I'm doing my own job."

I heard Alli yell, "You are SO LAZY!"
Inside, I was fuming, because Sarah is NOT lazy... Alli was wanting Sarah to do her job FOR her.
So I called her in.
I let her know I was not pleased that she had called Sarah Lazy.  She raised her voice, and then I raised my voice! Before we knew it, Alli was sitting on a chair in my room waiting for me to decide what to do........

We were both angry.
After much thought, I asked her:  Alli, what can we do to make things better?  She said, "I have NO idea!"
So I said, "Well, I do!"
I need to say I 'm sorry for getting angry.
She said, "I can take deep breaths!"
I said, "Me too!"
She said, "I can do my job myself!"
I said, "I can be more patient."
She said, "I can say I'm sorry!"
I said, "Me too!"
And before we knew it, we were both laughing!

She apologized to Sarah and to me, and I apologized to her.... and it was OVER!
She asked, "Do you think I deserve to use the computer?" I told her... no...but then, I don't deserve eternal life, and God has given that to me because of His Grace! So, yes, you can use the computer....

She was so HAPPY the rest of the evening! :)
Me too. :)

A REPOST from KERI

My sweet friend Keri gave me permission to repost her latest blog post.  Keri, your post so touched my heart. I have been in the places of question and deep anguish in my life many times.  And many times there have been no answers. At least no answers when I wanted them. When I thought they should be there. But God, in HIS infinite wisdom, AND timing, helped me to see OVER TIME, His plan..... Not all my questions have been answered, but I DO know that exactly as you said, he wants our trust.  Our lives are in HIS hands and He is loving and good.  We serve a mighty God who's ways are not our ways. There are times when we cannot lean on our own understanding and He carries us.....
I learned to read the book of Job in a new light over and over and over. I have come to love that book.
In Keri's post, I could recognize some of Job's friends.  Also, I could picture the conclusion in Job when God answers him, and Job's response " I have uttered what I did not understand, things too wonderful for me, which I did not know." 
God brings WONDERFUL into our lives, in mysterious ways.

Here is Keri's post:

Sometimes We Don't Get Answers

This is one of those times.

I've reached the point of not crying anymore. What's the point? It serves no purpose to cry and scream and shake my fists at God. If I'm learning anything this summer, it's humility. It's learning that our humanity is indeed very limiting.

I have lots of New Agey-type friends. I used to lean that way myself. People who swear we are gods in our own right and that tapping into that power, or connecting to 'all this is' is as easy as turning on a light switch. Know what I've never found? I've never ever found someone who has been to Hell and back who believes those things. The people I've met in life who have seen the worst (like the Holocaust survivors I know, or the friend who watched her entire family be murdered in front of her, or the girl I taught who was raped and tortured and beaten by her father for years, and who, when she finally told, was forced to eat her own dog by him) - these people, these miraculous beings who looked Evil in the face and lived to tell about it -- these people, whether Jew or Christian or something all their own, accept and understand their own limitations and reach upwards to a God who promises to stand by them even when they feel it not. Each of them accepts that we truly do not have any power of our own accord. If we did, those horrible things would not have happened, because we would not invite or wish them into our lives.

I have not survived a holocaust. I cannot fathom what it would be like to see my family murdered before me, but in my own relative circumstances, I have been living my own little version of hell for awhile. And I am here to tell you that platitudes and positive thinking cannot clear a mind and heart of such darkness. A little darkness? Sure. But a great big, unfathomably deep and all penetrating darkness that seems to pummel us in relentless waves? No. 'Happy thoughts' are not going to fix that kind of thing. It takes something greater than ourselves.

And so, in this never ending journey of pain and suffering with Anya, I have only two choices. I can to cling to hope and trust in all the other instances that God has proven His love for me ( and there are many) and wait for His answer to come...even when its been 6 years of waiting so far. Or, I can throw my hands in the air, turn my back on God and Anya, and walk away.

I'm sure you know which one I've chosen every day of these past 6 years.

Anya is not well. She had a third emergency surgery, today. Her lung infection is worse. There is talk of amputation. I cannot even pretend to understand why she suffers so much and why I continuously am put in the position to not be able to help her. Yes, I am also fully aware that I am getting the lion's share of bad luck this summer. And no, I do not know why. But I do know this: God is ever and always pushing us towards a greater good, if we have placed our lives in his hands. I may not see the point of the suffering, but I don't have to. My job is to persevere and to trust and hope. Its not easy. In fact, some days its downright impossible. But the impossible is nothing to God.

I've gotten so many emails and phone calls and messages offering advice on how to cope with this. Some say 'stay positive and picture her here!' - sweet sentiment, but unhelpful. Some more religious friends say ' Look inward and see what unconfessed sins might be to blame.' Sorry, my God doesn't work that way. Others say 'maybe it's time for you to move on...you've tried for so long and it doesn't look to be working out.' To them, I say ' what a sad, sad world you must live in, to think abandoning someone is EVER an option.'

No, I'll put my trust in Him who has proven his faithfulness and love to me time and time again. So what if its not happening in my time frame? Who am I to question? 'Be still, and know that I am God.' Great advice all those thousands of years ago, and still great advice today.

I do not know when or even IF Anya will come home to us. I do not know when or IF her suffering will end. but I know this: God loves her, and if He loves her, He will not forsake her. And that is why I have hope in the face of so much uncertainty and suffering. I believe in a God -- a Power Unimaginable -- that formed and sustains this world with LOVE.

LOVE.

So, while all those around me tell me what I should be doing and thinking and feeling, I'll be banking on LOVE.

LOVE sits with Anya tonight while she undergoes her operation. LOVE guides the hands that will operate on her. LOVE knows her and loves her and keeps her. That is all I know, and all I need to know.

Home Schooling Alli

Alli came to us at the end of our school year last year. Much of our time was spent getting to know each other, and learning to be in a family.  Her history was oral as were many of her lessons. We did a LOT of art which is very healing.

I know that she brought home some books that she could not read. She was so frustrated with how much she was struggling, and I knew she could read a little, but not well.

So, we took a break and I was planning to go in full force this year.  What I discovered in working with her over the summer is that Alli is VERY smart. She has been able to memorize key words, and guess at others. She does NOT know her vowel sounds. Now how a child can read without them, I have no idea, but she can, a little.  Or I should say, she can read well enough to be frustrated that she can't read what she would LIKE to. 
I made the decision this week to start her over.
I am going to take her back to 1st grade phonics and reading, so she can MASTER the basics and catch up.
If I don't do this now, she will continue to struggle and school with be a chore instead of a joy.  She is doing well in math. She loves to do her lessons.  And she is relieved that we are going to go back and learn what she missed.
I am so happy that she is not upset about starting over.
I explained to her that any time you move forward in learning, no matter where you are now, you get ahead. :) 
Her reply was so precious.... "Mommy, you are such a good teacher! You should teach school!" LOL

Where Shall I Go? Lead Me!

 Our Lord is Good..... 
Psalm 139

English Standard Version

---

Search Me, O God, and Know My HeartTo the choirmaster. A Psalm of David.

1 O Lord, you have searched me and known me!
2 You know when I sit down and when I rise up;
you discern my thoughts from afar.
3 You search out my path and my lying down
and are acquainted with all my ways.
4 Even before a word is on my tongue,
behold, O Lord, you know it altogether.
5 You hem me in, behind and before,
and lay your hand upon me.
6 Such knowledge is too wonderful for me;
it is high; I cannot attain it.

7 Where shall I go from your Spirit?
Or where shall I flee from your presence?
8 If I ascend to heaven, you are there!
If I make my bed in Sheol, you are there!
9 If I take the wings of the morning
and dwell in the uttermost parts of the sea,
10 even there your hand shall lead me,
and your right hand shall hold me.
11 If I say, “Surely the darkness shall cover me,
and the light about me be night,”
12 even the darkness is not dark to you;
the night is bright as the day,
for darkness is as light with you.

13 For you formed my inward parts;
you knitted me together in my mother’s womb.
14 I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made.^a
Wonderful are your works;
my soul knows it very well.
15 My frame was not hidden from you,
when I was being made in secret,
intricately woven in the depths of the earth.
16 Your eyes saw my unformed substance;
in your book were written, every one of them,
the days that were formed for me,
when as yet there was none of them.

17 How precious to me are your thoughts, O God!
How vast is the sum of them!
18 If I would count them, they are more than the sand.
I awake, and I am still with you.

19 Oh that you would slay the wicked, O God!
O men of blood, depart from me!
20 They speak against you with malicious intent;
your enemies take your name in vain!^b
21 Do I not hate those who hate you, O Lord?
And do I not loathe those who rise up against you?
22 I hate them with complete hatred;
I count them my enemies.

23 Search me, O God, and know my heart!
Try me and know my thoughts!^c
24 And see if there be any grievous way in me,
and lead me in the way everlasting!^d

Water Skiing

After church today we went to the lake and had a great time water skiing and knee boarding.  I decided to try one more time to water ski. I got up last year...... but this year.....NOT!  This ole' body is just not fit for anything but a nice scenic boat ride. 

When I jumped out of the boat, I didn't realize I had my glasses on, so they are somewhere at the bottom of the lake waiting to be discovered centuries from now by archeologists looking into ancient societies. :)

I'm wearing my old pair right now. Everything looks quite odd, so tomorrow, I have to go and get things taken care of.   I hate waste..... My vision have been changing, so it is time to get them checked anyway..... this just helped me make the decision a little faster.

All the kids did great on the lake and daddy got up too!

So if Mike was out there, guess who was driving the boat! B)

Tea Party Time

This is Miss Alli's first time to go somewhere without mom and dad.  There is a tea party about an hour away. Our friends and we are going to tag team so we don't have to stay at the party too. :) 
I managed to finagle a date with my man!!!! SCORE!

See you girls at 8:00! :)

Another Sarah Dancing Video

Guitar Girls

Lake Times

 Erika

 Sarah and Alli

 The Captain

 Anna knee boarding

 Anna Enjoying the sunset

Alli's First Knee Board Attempt

Sarah knee boarding

Time to go home.

Science Experiment

Here is our first science experiment for the year.
Peel two apples. Place one in a bowl that is high enough to cover the sides, so the apple doesn't stick out over the top.  In the other bowl, place the apple and cover it with a mixture of 1 1/2 cups baking soda and 2/3 cup of salt.  Make sure the apple is covered.  In one week...... see the results.  We are looking back at how Egyptians mummified things.
It got me to thinking.   We haven't had any beef jerky in a while...... so we decided to make some.  You may ask, how it is related?  Well, the salting drying process is similar.  When you dehydrate the meat, it no longer spoils or needs refrigeration. And this experiment, we get to eat! :)

Picture coming soon! It is marinating. :)

Reclaiming Territory

When Miss Alli came home, we decided it best to put all 4 girls into the same room.

We did this for several reasons. Mainly, so she would be comfortable and get to know all of her sisters well.  We wanted to see how each of them would relate to each other.  We also did not know Alli at all, and wanted to make sure that everybody was safe, just in case.  So she has been home more than 5 months, and all is well.  Mike and I have missed our old room, and we figured it was time to split the party girls up. :)

 For 3 days, the GIRLS and I moved the furniture around and pared everything down....what a JOB!
Mike, because he was working in the shoppe didn't have much time to help.  But when we couldn't get a screw in, or were beyond our capability....he came in and did what dad's  and husbands do. He made it look EASY! :)

 Here is Anna and Erika in their new room. Anna wasted no time putting up her pictures. :)

And here is Sarah and Alli in their new room.  They did "rock-paper-scissors" to settle who sleeps on top and who sleeps on the bottom..... but Alli had a sleep over last night, and they both slept on the bottom. LOL

And as for me..... I will have fewer bruises! Our room is big enough not to run into the sharp corners on that bed! Ouch!

I Have Two New Best Friends!

A Funny for August

We have been moving rooms around for 2 days..... Today I was in the back room cleaning and I heard something break in the kitchen and Erika say, "Sorry Mom!" 
Alli heard it too, and she took off running to see what happened.

I yelled down the hall, "Alli, don't go in there sweetie! You have real feet!"

And then I thought, wow, that sounds really weird! LOL

Sarah's Dance

I posted this in my birthday post. But I just love it so much. I think it is worth a separate post. :)
It is also on Youtube here: http://youtu.be/L5ZZLOD38j0, but I couldn't get it to post for some reason on the blog. :(  
Love that little girl! She is so special to me. :)

URGENT! Please Pray for Keri and Anya

This is directly from Keri's blog:

Beside Myself With Grief and Fear

Anya is having a blood transfusion, she lost so much blood. I cant get through to the hospital. My only contact is sporadic postings by her 2 best friends on Russian Facebook. I'm calling all her friends non-stop but thus far I cannot get thru to any of them. I am honestly losing it. I think I'm going crazy. Too much grief at once.I need prayers for her. I'm just out of the hospital myself and I'm supposed to be avoiding stress and it just keeps finding me. Pray for me too. All this, and the funeral of a beloved friend in a few days. I give up. I've prayed till I can't pray anymore. God, where are you?

Keri has tried endlessly to bring Anya home for 6 years. She has hit nothing but dead ends. Anya lives on the streets or with friends, since she aged out of the orphanage. :(

She was shot today. Please pray for my friend who is too filled with grief and worry to  pray.....

HOLD them both in your prayers.

Let's reach Heaven on their behalf.

A Blessed Birthday

Thank you to my family for my special birthday blessings.
I received necklaces and earrings from various girls. They were so sweet to do that. :)
All day today they have been excited about my birthday.  MORE excited than me. LOL
Tonight we had a special sea food dinner and gluten free chocolate cake.

And then, Sarah did a birthday dance for me. :)



Gluten Free Chocolate Cake Recipe

1/2 cup oat flour
1/2 cup tapioca flour
1/2 white rice flour
1 cup cocoa
1 tsp baking soda
2 1/2 tsp baking powder
3/4 cup butter at room temperature
3/4 cup brown sugar
1 cup of white sugar
3 large eggs
2 tsp vanilla
3/4  cup heavy whipping creme
3/4 cup sour cream

mix sugars, creme, sour creme, eggs, sugar and vanilla
stir in rest of ingredients.
Pour into 13x9x2 pan and bake at 350º for 35 minutes
or until tester comes out clean.

Cool cake.
Make a Ganache icing with
1/4 cup butter
chocolate (about 5 oz.)
1/2 cup heavy whipping creme

heat all ingredients on stove until chocolate is melted and whipping creme
thickens.
Pour over cooled cake and refrigerate.

Soul Surfer

We watched this movie last night.  The girls had been wanting to see it. Now that it is out on DVD, we bought it for our collection.

It was really a good movie.  Being a mom to two girls with amputations, it was different watching this movie.  And our girls' reactions to the movie were different too.

Sarah has always had a leg missing and fingers missing. She doesn't really miss what she has never had. Even though limb loss complicates her life, she doesn't think about it much.  So when she watched the movie, she watched it through the lesns of "What would it be like to lose an arm?"  She identified with the movie more like Alli and Anna.

Erika however had a much more profound reaction to the movie.  Her feet were amputated at the age of 8. Even though her feet were painful and she couldn't walk with them very well,  every once in a while she will say something like,  "I miss my feet." Or "I miss my toes."

It is sorta funny..... I do too. I miss her feet and toes.  There was a loss. a BIG loss.  Yet there was a BIG gain!  I am thankful that she can walk today.

Limb loss, no matter the reason is still a LOSS.

One of the things we were told at camp this year was that the reaction of a person with limb loss is different if they were born with congenital limb loss vs. losing a limb at an older age. I believe this to be true.

So while Erika is thankful that she can walk, and is thankful for her prosthetic legs, she can feel the raw pain of loss.

Both girls liked the movie, even though it made Erika cry.   Her favorite part was the end, when she rides the wave inside the tube.
I think that may have been my favorite part too.  The freedom of riding a wave and seeing the Glory of God from the back side of the water, from the  inside of a waterfall. :)

The Older I Get

 The Older I Get

The Less I KNOW.
The More I can see my sinfulness.
The simple things, are much more important.
The big picture is easier to see, because there is a LONG past.
The Parenting Paradigm changes
The amount of food I can eat changes....
The more I weigh...ugh
The more food snobby I have become.
The less I care about seeing a roller coaster.
The more I love my husband.
The less I care about being right.
The less I care about being perfect in a worldy sort of way.
The more I care about obedience to the Father.
The less I care about what others think.
The less I care to purchase.
The pickier I get with movies.
The more I love my jeans.
The less I want to clean.
The more I see the wisdom of a smaller home.
The more I love my children.
The more I need to learn to let go of things I cannot control.
The hope of a garden is fading.
The idea of being a seamstress is almost gone.
The more I can handle paperwork.
The fewer mirrors I have.
The More I love my Savior.


Today is my 53rd birthday. :)
Each day is precious.
Sadly, I share my birthday with the Bombing of Hiroshima.
And now, with the tragedy of 31 Navy Seals losing their lives in Afghanastan.
It is interesting how each day can hold happiness for one person and tragedy for another.
What a mysterious world we live in.

Good Night Hugs

It is late! Go to sleep! :)  They were talking about creative ways to waterski. :)

An All Around FUN Day

Our morning started with Sarah making the coffee! Thanks Sarah.
Alli was the last one to rise, and she was full of joy this a.m.
She is so cute when she wakes up. She is always in a good mood.
She cracks me up going from person to person for a hug. She has learned that
Anna meows in the morning. So she went to the rocking chair where Anna was reading a book,
and meowed. Anna meowed back, and then Alli pounced on her. LOL 
She had to have her morning hug.

I took Alli and Erika to  a horse stable to find out about costs for riding horses...they got a chance to see a lot of horses and met a really nice lady named Tina.  We talked about some creative ways to afford such an endeavor, and  the trip was really fun.

After working for a few hours in the office, I came inside, packed dinners and we headed to the Lake on the boat.  Would you believe I FORGOT the camera!!!!
That is ok. I'm glad I did, because the water at the lake is WAY down. I had to walk into the water to get into the boat. The water is too shallow to reach the dock. 
So what did I do?  I fell down! OUCH!  I slipped on the slippery goo in the water and fell.   I messed up my wrist, and have some sore spots.... nothing serious, thank goodness.

We swam in the lake for a while, jumping off of the boat.  Anna was pretending to fish with a giant rope and she kept catching ME! LOL  We had so much fun pretending I was a fish out of water, starving for oxygen. 

The water felt SO GOOD!  It was 109 today!  When it was time to leave, as the sun was setting, Alli jumped out of the boat and slipped in the same spot I did! 

We both had owies on our hands. So I took care of hers first. She asked, "will this sting?" I said, no.
IT DID!
Well, as soon as I was done taking care of her, she wanted to nurse me! She did the exact same thing I did to take care of her and then cracked up when I said, "OUCH! It stings!"   She got a real kick out of that one. :)  I told her she will make a great mama some day!

Everybody had a wonderful time......I'll bring the camera next time. :)

Alli Noodle's New Doo

She likes it! :)

THE UNSEEN CLOCK

We have had such a smooth couple of weeks. Really.... everything has been surprisingly smooth!
In fact, yesterday when we went to the Library, Alli was so cute because she was wanting me to look at each book to make sure it was ok for her to read.  This is a HUGE difference from 5 months ago when she first came and would say, "I can read what I want, why would you care!"  OR "I hate reading books, I don't like libraries, I don't like reading!"
YES.... MUCH has changed!
Now, she jumps into the car to go to the library and even created her own book bag from one of gramma's old bags. She doesn't just check out one book like before but lots of books! And she LOVES being at the library hunting for something new.
Last night, Sarah brought a book home that had something questionable in it. Sarah didn't know it was in there, and she and Alli were looking at it together. Alli saw the material covering a ghost and magic spell and told Sarah, "You need to show that one to Mama and see if it is ok!"
So, you can see we have come a LONG way!

Today however, when Alli woke up, there was a different feel to her. She seemed "contemplative", even though she was smiling.   I sensed there was something on her mind or there was something weighing on her emotions.
She seemed to struggle to day with bossiness.  And then, this afternoon, she  asked demanded that she be able to be alone in the bedroom that all 4 girls share.  Something in me said that she needed this time, so I asked her to be nice about it and I would think about it.  She was, and I did.  I decided to let her be alone in there and listen to her favorite CD by Phil Stacey.  I really like that guy's music. :)

After about 30 minutes, I went in to check on her and she was laying on the floor, surrounded by her stuffed animals. They were not the stuffed animals she usually plays with, but ones she brought with her from before.  She just looked so little. She was sound asleep.

I carefully woke her, by rubbing her back. I asked her if she was ok, and she said yes. But I could feel her heart beat and it was FAST..... If you have not read "The Boy Who Was Raised As a Dog" by Dr. Bruce Perry...I would highly recommend it.  In part of his book dealing with the Branch Dividian Children from the WACO disaster, he mentioned that the children were highly anxious, though their outward behavior didn't show it. They were self controlled, but their heartbeats were beating VERY fast.

Anna was very much like this for a few years.  Alli was at first, and then hers slowed down.  But today, it was fast again.
You may be thinking, "does this crazy mother actually check her kid's heart beats?"  The answer is yes. :)
It can be very telling.  It isn't that scientific.  You can tell if somebody's heart is beating as if they just finished running.

Alli and Sarah started to play together and then I saw Sarah coming out of the room upset. "She won't let me play with my own doll!"
Hmmm. This hasn't gone on for a long time.

So I called Alli. She didn't come. I called her again. She didn't come. I called her one last time and she came, angry. "WHY DO YOU KEEP CALLING ME?"
"Umm. When I call your name, I expect you to come. I kept calling you because you did NOT come."
"Now, don't speak to me disrespectfully!"  "Come and sit with me."

She said, "Oh brother, were going to sit and rock and talk..... rolling her eyes." But she came.

I asked her  if she knew what today was. She didn't.  I told her today is our 5 month anniversary!
She smiled.  (melted a little bit)  :)
Then, I asked her about the stuffed animals she picked to lay down with. She shrugged her shoulders and said, "they were from before".  She said, "I can't remember which family, but they were from before. "
I asked her if she had a "feeling" like she would be moving or going?
She looked at me very puzzled and said, "Yes."

I asked her, "Are you worried or scared?"  She said, yes.  Is that why you wanted to be alone and not play with anybody?  She said, "yes."

I'm telling you, these poor kids who have suffered so much trauma bear silent burdens and are misunderstood so much!  Behaviors can be guides that tell us something is going on.... getting them OUT of the behavior, in a constructive way, is the hard part.

Because of Alli's AGE, it is so easy to discuss things with her. She understands so much more than a younger child would.

So, I let her know about a "hidden clock" within her brain.
"Let me tell you about a secret clock!We all have one. It holds our memories, and when we smell something, or hear something, or the weather changes, it reminds of of a memory we had from before.  Sometimes they are good, sometimes not good." 

She was intently listening by now. :)

I said, "you know you aren't going anywhere, right? " She said, yes.
"But your clock doesn't know that. It is telling you the weather is HOT, and it is August, and that means you are:
1. leaving to a psych unit
2. leaving for respite care
BUT YOU AREN'T.   That is just what happened LAST year! :)
So, you need to reset your clock! Would you like to RESET it?"

"That means, give it a new memory to replace the one that is bothering you so much."

She said "yes"!
We snuggled for a few more minutes and she began to relax and her heart beat went back down.
Her anxiousness left and she was back to normal....

So, the activity to reset the clock????
DADDY, ANNA and ALLI, left about 1/2 an hour ago to take the BOAT on a test voyage!
She was so excited!  They aren't going to be gone long, as this is family worship night, and the purpose is to make sure the motor is adjusted properly and the boat is lake worthy.   But Alli has been longing to get that boat into the water.
It was God's grace that on this anniversary, Alli would have something positive and exciting with which to reset her clock! :)

READING

Anna is a really great reader.  Tonight, she checked out some books that will stretch her appetite, from the Classics section. She has read all the classics we have, but they are "dumbed down" abit, for lower grade level reading.
I have suggested she start reading the original versions. 
Tonight she picked a play from Shakesphere. She also got a book of Historical Fiction, that really isn't a classic but looked interesting. 
She started to read the fiction tonight and said, "I don't know if I'm going to like this one...it seems sort of boring." 

Alli chimed in and said, "Well of course it is boring! It doesn't have any pictures!  LOL

The Coundown Has Begun!

Yes, I cannot believe it! 7 more days until we start school.  I am working hard at getting everything ready. I think we are going to have a great year! I always think that. :)
I am really excited about this year's science.  We are going to study Human Anatomy and Physiology....There are some wonderful experiments in this book.  I can't wait to make the "edible cell" LOL.
We are also planning to read C.S. Lewis's  Space Trilogy for the first semester. We will start with "Out of the Silent Planet", then, "Paralandra" and finally "That Hideous Strength". 

We are also going to be doing "Wordly Wise" for vocabulary. I'm thrilled that I found this. All these years I have heard about it, and didn't check into it.
History this year will be U.S. History. It will include the colonists, forming of the Nation,  and go through the Westward expansion.   I LOVE history.

Some folks have asked why we start so early. The Public Schools don't start until the 22nd.  The reason is that we do best on a schedule. The girls like school, and there are times when we have unexpected Dr. appointments that interrupt our day.  We also like it that we can take off a week at Thanksgiving and Two weeks at Christmas.   AND... it is SO HOT right about this time of year, that staying inside for  a part of the day is very normal, so we may as well take advantage of the inside time. :)

Sweeties

I was typing when Erika and Alli came up and looked at me like this! So I took a picture. :)
I figured since I have one with Anna and Alli, and Erika and Alli, I may as well find Sarah and Alli. They are playing in the back room. They HAVE BEEN PLAYING all day! And I do mean ALL DAY! Wow, I got filing done and everything. :)
So here is Sarah and Alli, the snuggle bugs of the afternoon. :)

A MORNING SNUGGLE

We have just 7 days until school starts again. Today is the day we begin getting up earlier.   I must admit, I have LOVED sleeping in until 8:00...wow! 
Today, I was up at 6:15.  I actually LIKE getting up that early....but I have to get into bed earlier too. :)
The girlies alarm went off at 6:00, then 6:15, then 6:30 and there was not a peep from their room..... At 7:00, I went in and touched each of them on the arm to see if that would help.  Slowly, they got up and came out. The last one to get up was Alli.  She is a SOUND sleeper.  I was able to get her up by sitting by the bed and gently touching her face and hair.  She woke and smiled.

After breakfast, I found Anna and Alli snuggling up in the rocking chair chatting. :)