So, I'm back to getting back on my Vegetarian track...... I opened the cupboard and found this!
The Minich Family Blog: Every Family Has A Story...Welcome To Ours
Thursday, July 7, 2011
Something Is UP with the Pantry!
I am so fickle. I go vegetarian, then just a simple thing like CAMP can turn me back into a carnivore! I admit it! I'm a food a holic! Maybe a Meat A Holic, or a Sausage A Holic!
So, I'm back to getting back on my Vegetarian track...... I opened the cupboard and found this!
Now that is successful grocery shopping..... I think.... at least it will make a lot of bean burritos. :)
So, I'm back to getting back on my Vegetarian track...... I opened the cupboard and found this!
MEETING OUR CHILDREN'S MULTI LEVEL NEEDS
I could not think of a title for this post, so it may change.....:)
I was having a conversation with another adoptive parent regarding emotional ages of our children vs. actual age, or intellectual age. I also read a few notes on this and felt compelled to blog about it.
Many of us have children who have trauma backgrounds. There is so much out there in regards to how best to help a child become whole. There is also much confusing information about different types of attachment therapies.
So, I'll just delve in.
Just because your child may be 18 or 20 months emotionally, yet is 8 years old, or 12 years old, does not mean you should treat them like an 18 month old all the time, in ALL ways. YES, it is important to treat the emotional age, right where they are, so they can heal and improve (which happens rapidly) but that does not mean you would be not allowing them to make a choice for food to eat or what to wear.
An example:
When Alli came home, she was about 18 months in her emotions, 8 in her play and reasoning, (unless upset then she was about 3 in reasoning) and she has very sophisticated taste in other things, and distinct likes for food.
We treat her according to EACH of her needs, and bend with the changes she has like a reed in the wind.
If she is more intellectual, we talk with her at that level, if she resorts to 3, we empathize with her, as if she were REALLY 3, if she needs comfort as a baby would, we comfort her.
This has resulted in 4 months to some really great developments. She is able to express herself well. I haven't seen 18 month behavior in a while.... She is no longer 3 when she is upset..... her play has gone from not knowing how to play, to about what we would see with an 8 year old. And she is rapidly moving fast in the right direction.
It is NOT an easy task to stay present and know who you are dealing with at any given time. LOL And it can be exhausting. But the end result is WELL worth it!
Yes, the child who is newly home needs to have limited exposure, and slowly, so they don't get overwhelmed. If they are emotionally infantile, that does not mean you don't give a choice. To say that they will just have to TRUST you like a baby would is a big red flag to me.
You CANNOT FORCE trust! TRUST is EARNED, it is a priveledge. Our kids are so full of mistrust, that there is no way we can expect trust and to try and force it, especially with what appears to be punitive consequences will not only be counter productive, it will be destructive.
BEFORE attachment (real attachment) can occur, TRUST must be there. You cannot really attach to somebody you don't trust.
So as parents, WE need to be TRUST WORTHY! We need to give our children a REASON to trust us.
There is information floating around saying, don't let your kids have any freedoms at all.... this folks is HIGH CONTROL.... (many times what we accuse kids of, is the very thing WE are doing) and it is with HIGH COST and dangerous.
If you have a child who has control issues, or manipulative type behaviors (FEAR BASED) to battle them through high control will only backfire. Instead, give them small amounts to control. Ease them into a position of letting you take the reigns in their lives. They will NOT let go easily, because when they were not in control, things were really scary! They were hurt, they were neglected, they were abused and abandoned...... So, to be in control is a LIFE SAVING effort on their part.
Just as you would not approach an agitated horse, but you would whisper calmly to them to get them into a different frame of mind, it is the same with our kids....
We need to whisper to them our love, through our gentleness and kindness. We need to show them and model to them the behaviors we want to see in them.
We have blackberry vines. You can learn a lot from growing a garden and planting and harvesting.There are many analogies related to raising children. We tenderly water, nurture and care for our vines and plants. We need to flexibly watch our little plants blossom into beautiful fruitful vines. If we were to prune the vines too soon, they wouldn't survive. So sometimes, you have to watch a little wild growth here and there and patiently wait before pruning time, so that roots develop that will help the vine connect with the source of life. For the vine, it is water and soil nutrients. For our children, it is us.
Their little hearts will develop deep roots of connection, as they learn to trust us. And then, we will be able to quench the neediness of our children as they come to desire more of our love and tender care.
If we try to solve our children's unpleasant behaviors, too quickly, especially those who are newly home... we may quickly find ourselves in a battle as the child will perceive that we are rejecting them.
There is a sort of unwritten code here that is hard to write down. 4 months ago, I could have NEVER had a conversation with Alli like I did yesterday. She would not have received it and the defense wall would have been built even higher. Yet, yesterday, it was the right time to do a little pruning. :)
I hope I am being clear in what I am trying to say. HIGH control is not the answer.
I was having a conversation with another adoptive parent regarding emotional ages of our children vs. actual age, or intellectual age. I also read a few notes on this and felt compelled to blog about it.
Many of us have children who have trauma backgrounds. There is so much out there in regards to how best to help a child become whole. There is also much confusing information about different types of attachment therapies.
So, I'll just delve in.
Just because your child may be 18 or 20 months emotionally, yet is 8 years old, or 12 years old, does not mean you should treat them like an 18 month old all the time, in ALL ways. YES, it is important to treat the emotional age, right where they are, so they can heal and improve (which happens rapidly) but that does not mean you would be not allowing them to make a choice for food to eat or what to wear.
An example:
When Alli came home, she was about 18 months in her emotions, 8 in her play and reasoning, (unless upset then she was about 3 in reasoning) and she has very sophisticated taste in other things, and distinct likes for food.
We treat her according to EACH of her needs, and bend with the changes she has like a reed in the wind.
If she is more intellectual, we talk with her at that level, if she resorts to 3, we empathize with her, as if she were REALLY 3, if she needs comfort as a baby would, we comfort her.
This has resulted in 4 months to some really great developments. She is able to express herself well. I haven't seen 18 month behavior in a while.... She is no longer 3 when she is upset..... her play has gone from not knowing how to play, to about what we would see with an 8 year old. And she is rapidly moving fast in the right direction.
It is NOT an easy task to stay present and know who you are dealing with at any given time. LOL And it can be exhausting. But the end result is WELL worth it!
Yes, the child who is newly home needs to have limited exposure, and slowly, so they don't get overwhelmed. If they are emotionally infantile, that does not mean you don't give a choice. To say that they will just have to TRUST you like a baby would is a big red flag to me.
You CANNOT FORCE trust! TRUST is EARNED, it is a priveledge. Our kids are so full of mistrust, that there is no way we can expect trust and to try and force it, especially with what appears to be punitive consequences will not only be counter productive, it will be destructive.
BEFORE attachment (real attachment) can occur, TRUST must be there. You cannot really attach to somebody you don't trust.
So as parents, WE need to be TRUST WORTHY! We need to give our children a REASON to trust us.
There is information floating around saying, don't let your kids have any freedoms at all.... this folks is HIGH CONTROL.... (many times what we accuse kids of, is the very thing WE are doing) and it is with HIGH COST and dangerous.
If you have a child who has control issues, or manipulative type behaviors (FEAR BASED) to battle them through high control will only backfire. Instead, give them small amounts to control. Ease them into a position of letting you take the reigns in their lives. They will NOT let go easily, because when they were not in control, things were really scary! They were hurt, they were neglected, they were abused and abandoned...... So, to be in control is a LIFE SAVING effort on their part.
Just as you would not approach an agitated horse, but you would whisper calmly to them to get them into a different frame of mind, it is the same with our kids....
We need to whisper to them our love, through our gentleness and kindness. We need to show them and model to them the behaviors we want to see in them.
We have blackberry vines. You can learn a lot from growing a garden and planting and harvesting.There are many analogies related to raising children. We tenderly water, nurture and care for our vines and plants. We need to flexibly watch our little plants blossom into beautiful fruitful vines. If we were to prune the vines too soon, they wouldn't survive. So sometimes, you have to watch a little wild growth here and there and patiently wait before pruning time, so that roots develop that will help the vine connect with the source of life. For the vine, it is water and soil nutrients. For our children, it is us.
Their little hearts will develop deep roots of connection, as they learn to trust us. And then, we will be able to quench the neediness of our children as they come to desire more of our love and tender care.
If we try to solve our children's unpleasant behaviors, too quickly, especially those who are newly home... we may quickly find ourselves in a battle as the child will perceive that we are rejecting them.
There is a sort of unwritten code here that is hard to write down. 4 months ago, I could have NEVER had a conversation with Alli like I did yesterday. She would not have received it and the defense wall would have been built even higher. Yet, yesterday, it was the right time to do a little pruning. :)
I hope I am being clear in what I am trying to say. HIGH control is not the answer.
Wednesday, July 6, 2011
A BIG HUGE HONKIN' BCLC BREAKTHROUGH!
Today, went really great until it was time to change chores. Miss Alli has kitchen now, which includes cleaning off the dining room table.
This may sound really silly to some, or that it is making a big deal out of nothing.... but it was important.
A little background:
Alli has HUGE issues with not being believed. She was called a liar long ago...and this hurt her deeply. She also, was rejected..... so lying, punishment and rejection are all mixed up in her mind, which triggers a fear reaction if she thinks you even THINK she may have not told the truth.
We typically do not ask our children if they are lying, because that corners a child and they will deny it.
It is fruitless. Instead, we simply say, .... "I see you left your socks on the floor" or "Since you didn't pick up your toys, you need to do it now." This is a way to not give any opportunity for a lie.
Most of the time, the issue will be handled gracefully and peacefully, with a positive result. "Item picked up and put away."
But there is another kind of lying that has to be handled head on. That is what happened today.
I feel that Miss Alli has been ready to be challenged a little more..... as she has been home for 4 months now. So, during her turn to clean up the dining area and kitchen area, she was annoyed that Anna's knee brace was on the table. She asked me, "Where do I put Anna's Stuff?"
I replied, "Anna likes her things put next to her bed and then she'll put them away", but I do not want you to put the leg brace in the room. I want you to put it in the medical box."
I was given the reply, "NO! It is ANNA's and it goes with HER stuff!"
To which I replied, "NO! I want it to be placed in the medical box!"
To which she replied, "WHERE does Anna keep her things!!!!!!"
To Which I replied, "Do you have any of Anna's things to be put away???"
To Which she replied, "This brace!"
To which I replied again: "NO! It goes in the medical box!"
To which she replied "I want to know where to put Anna's things!"
To which I said, No. You need to do what you have been asked to do.
She stormed off..... I called. She said "I'm not coming!"
So I went and got her......
I told her, "The reason you continue to want to know where Anna's drop off place is, is because you have full intention to put that brace in her things.
She said, "NO I don't!"
Then why do you continue to ask, and refuse to put that brace where it belongs?
She curls up into ball and refuses to answer.
I tell her I do not appreciate her lying to me.
EXPLOSION!!!!!!! ( I knew this would happen, but it needed to)
I told her..... If you cannot admit when you lie, you will not continue to heal in your heart!
YOU MUST ADMIT WHEN YOU HAVE LIED! YOU MUST!
She says, 'You! YOU! YOU ARE THE WORST MOTHER IN THE WHOLE WORLD! YOU ARE THE WOOORRRSSSTTTTTT!!!!!!! YOU!!!!! I'M gonna!!!!!!
You're gonna what?
No answer....
You're gonna hurt me? (she had her fists formed ready to strike)
I stepped out of the box and calmly said, " I love you".... But if you want to hurt me; "Go for it.""Just go ahead and do it!" This worst mother in the entire world LOVES you EVEN though you LIED!
She took a breath and I was holding mine fully expecting impact....... LOL
And then..... she burst into tears and said, "I CAN'T MAMA!" I LOVE YOU TOO MUCH!!!!
And then I held her sobbing little body, exhausted.... and whispered how much I love her.
And then I dropped another bomb she was now ready to hear.
It is wrong to lie, even a 1/2 lie. But if you lie, it doesn't change my love for you. I love you greatly.
If you lie, I will not lock you away, I will not hurt you, I will not send you away.... you are here FOREVER! BUT.... you must not tell lies. It is wrong and hurtful.
HUGE HONKIN' SOBS! She was now holding on for dear life.
I let her know that when Anna was little, (Anna sheepishly walking away in the background) LOL
That we taught her if she was lying, she could stop by saying, "Mom, I lied, the truth is"..... and then move on..... and Anna learned to do this. Anna is very honest now.
Miss Alli by now was looking intently and deeply into my eyes hanging on each word.
Her demeanor changed. Her body was no longer tense. She was totally relaxed and mournful.
"I'm SO SORRY MOMMY!" "I'm SO SORRY!"
It is ok sweetie. Now, can you tell me that you lied? If you didn't I will tell you I am greatly sorry.
But I know you did, or I wouldn't have said anything.
"Mommy, I did lie."
Let's pray and ask the Lord to help us....
Alli's Prayer:
"Jesus, I'm sorry I lied. Help me not to lie. Help me to tell the truth.
Help me not to sin. Help mommy not to sin too. LOL
And then I prayed......
And then we talked about what a huge break through we had. We had a big talk about being respectful....She has been TERRIFIED that somebody would think she didn't tell the truth, even a hint of somebody not believing her would upset her.
It was obvious that she had so much fear tied up into her own version of perfection.... if somebody saw her as lying... they would not love her, they would send her away..... and she was able to go through the experience with me being present, staying in the same place, staying loving, staying constant, and bringing her into a place of safety where she could see the wrong she did, but know she was still safe.
I love these moments when an unpleasant event can be turned into a healing event......
And then, we had some watermelon. :)
ROUTINE AND THE TRAUMATIZED CHILD
Most of us know that ROUTINE can be key in helping a traumatized child remain regulated... Out of the ordinary days, unplanned activities, schedules shuffled, and no specific routine can wreak havoc on their little hearts. Yet sometimes, especially during the summer months, it cannot be helped.
We can keep a symbolic schedule, but we are not doing school full time, camps come up, the lake is there calling our name, and we have more visitors.
For a child with a trauma background, dysregulation can creep in quickly and without warning, as they feel a loss of control.... Picture a cat in water. :) You may try to get the cat out of the water, they desperately WANT you to, but they may scratch you on the way out.....
Our day was sort of like that the other day. I think Alli just needed a release. She held it together pretty well when I was at camp with the girls. It was the first time we had not been together. I talked with Daddy, Anna and Alli every night... but I was gone.
When we got home, the month of no school began and everybody was getting back to normal, minus a schedule.
THEN, we had company over 3 nights in a row! That is something unusual for us. So, yesterday was a bit of a "fall apart" day for all of us!
I think we were all a little dysregulated! Exhaustion set in, I raised my voice when trying to get a room cleaned out and guest bed set up in case we need it for John. That went over like a lead balloon. :(
We all took a break and everything seemed fine.
Then, last night, it was time for family worship. Alli is usually excited about it. Today, not so. It is the one thing we DO keep a schedule for. Maybe that confused her, since everything else is off....
She said, "Why are we doing this today?" "What if I DON'T WANT TO!" When asked her to sit quietly, she began to argue.... to have the last word.... to get her point across! I could see that we needed to step back and not head straight into a storm.
So, instead of sitting in my chair, and instead of asking her to come and sit with me, I went and sat with her.
After we finished singing, Daddy wanted to discuss Sunday's Sermon and explain it a little more. I played with Alli's fingers and helped her find her place in the scripture and I could feel her body begin to rest... and then, she whispered in my ear...."I'm sorry mommy." I smiled, and we all relaxed and enjoyed listening to daddy for a few minutes. At prayer time to volunteered to pray and all was much better.
I don't think she understands why she gets so dysregulated, any more than I understand why I got dysregulated trying to prepare a room..... it just happens sometimes. And it is wrong.
Our new norm has kicked in full force and I actually have a happy girl this a.m. :) I think now that she realizes it is summer and some things remain the same, and some things don't, she'll be ok, and won't feel like the cat thrown in the water. :)
I can see where I should have prepared her more for what summer was going to be like. I was so worried about leaving for camp, I did a good job of preparing her for that, and forgot about the rest of the month.
I think she is really going to be able to enjoy the summer..... so far, she has played BARBIES non stop, as well as playing outside.
I guess the next step will be to prepare her for the school year.... LOL
We can keep a symbolic schedule, but we are not doing school full time, camps come up, the lake is there calling our name, and we have more visitors.
For a child with a trauma background, dysregulation can creep in quickly and without warning, as they feel a loss of control.... Picture a cat in water. :) You may try to get the cat out of the water, they desperately WANT you to, but they may scratch you on the way out.....
Our day was sort of like that the other day. I think Alli just needed a release. She held it together pretty well when I was at camp with the girls. It was the first time we had not been together. I talked with Daddy, Anna and Alli every night... but I was gone.
When we got home, the month of no school began and everybody was getting back to normal, minus a schedule.
THEN, we had company over 3 nights in a row! That is something unusual for us. So, yesterday was a bit of a "fall apart" day for all of us!
I think we were all a little dysregulated! Exhaustion set in, I raised my voice when trying to get a room cleaned out and guest bed set up in case we need it for John. That went over like a lead balloon. :(
We all took a break and everything seemed fine.
Then, last night, it was time for family worship. Alli is usually excited about it. Today, not so. It is the one thing we DO keep a schedule for. Maybe that confused her, since everything else is off....
She said, "Why are we doing this today?" "What if I DON'T WANT TO!" When asked her to sit quietly, she began to argue.... to have the last word.... to get her point across! I could see that we needed to step back and not head straight into a storm.
So, instead of sitting in my chair, and instead of asking her to come and sit with me, I went and sat with her.
After we finished singing, Daddy wanted to discuss Sunday's Sermon and explain it a little more. I played with Alli's fingers and helped her find her place in the scripture and I could feel her body begin to rest... and then, she whispered in my ear...."I'm sorry mommy." I smiled, and we all relaxed and enjoyed listening to daddy for a few minutes. At prayer time to volunteered to pray and all was much better.
I don't think she understands why she gets so dysregulated, any more than I understand why I got dysregulated trying to prepare a room..... it just happens sometimes. And it is wrong.
Our new norm has kicked in full force and I actually have a happy girl this a.m. :) I think now that she realizes it is summer and some things remain the same, and some things don't, she'll be ok, and won't feel like the cat thrown in the water. :)
I can see where I should have prepared her more for what summer was going to be like. I was so worried about leaving for camp, I did a good job of preparing her for that, and forgot about the rest of the month.
I think she is really going to be able to enjoy the summer..... so far, she has played BARBIES non stop, as well as playing outside.
I guess the next step will be to prepare her for the school year.... LOL
Monday, July 4, 2011
WHAT CAN YOU DO?
We can't adopt every child in the world who needs a home. But we sure would like to. Actually, what we would like is that every child HAVE a loving home....
My heart is hurting right now after meeting a young man whom I will call John. He is 18 years old; but he is very much NOT 18. The person I met last night, was more like a 13 year old. He is slight in size, has beautiful deep blue eyes, that are deep with thought and blonde hair.... He didn't like his hair cut. LOL He thought we wouldn't like it either..... He has lived most of his life in an orphanage, after living with abusive, alcoholic parents.
His development has been stunted by not enough food, not enough love, not enough support. He came to America with a dream of doing well, but quickly became overwhelmed by the enormity of differences.
He didn't know what he wanted or what to do.
There were expectations of him that he could not meet. Especially in the manner they were expected.
He cannot handle being yelled at. It makes him shut down, and he cannot learn in that environment.
His command of English is limited.
He is now too old to be adopted, yet he needs a home where he can still be a child. He is very frightened, yet has hope of a job, an education and working hard to have a family. I found his answers to be positive. He does not drink, he does not smoke. Alcohol actually scares him; he has witnessed the effects of alcoholism. He does not have FAS or FASD.
Right now, he is staying with a family temporarily, and is being a very polite guest. This host family feels confident that he can be successful, he just isn't ready to be on his own right now. They speak fluent Russian which has helped greatly.
We have a bed ready for him, if he needs it. However, I do not think we are the family. There IS a family out there that can take him and he will flourish. This young man needs so much, and has so much to offer.
I strongly believe that if he goes to high school for a couple of years, and then on to college, he will be successful once he has a better grasp on language and culture. I so want this for him.
Our girls are begging us to keep him. They have such HUGE hearts.
He loves children, and works well with them. He has said he would love to have younger siblings.
Honestly, I think he would still be able to bond with a family even though he is 18. He desires to!
Please pray for this young man. He needs a family NOW.... and one that will commit to him and see him through to success.
My heart is hurting right now after meeting a young man whom I will call John. He is 18 years old; but he is very much NOT 18. The person I met last night, was more like a 13 year old. He is slight in size, has beautiful deep blue eyes, that are deep with thought and blonde hair.... He didn't like his hair cut. LOL He thought we wouldn't like it either..... He has lived most of his life in an orphanage, after living with abusive, alcoholic parents.
His development has been stunted by not enough food, not enough love, not enough support. He came to America with a dream of doing well, but quickly became overwhelmed by the enormity of differences.
He didn't know what he wanted or what to do.
There were expectations of him that he could not meet. Especially in the manner they were expected.
He cannot handle being yelled at. It makes him shut down, and he cannot learn in that environment.
His command of English is limited.
He is now too old to be adopted, yet he needs a home where he can still be a child. He is very frightened, yet has hope of a job, an education and working hard to have a family. I found his answers to be positive. He does not drink, he does not smoke. Alcohol actually scares him; he has witnessed the effects of alcoholism. He does not have FAS or FASD.
Right now, he is staying with a family temporarily, and is being a very polite guest. This host family feels confident that he can be successful, he just isn't ready to be on his own right now. They speak fluent Russian which has helped greatly.
We have a bed ready for him, if he needs it. However, I do not think we are the family. There IS a family out there that can take him and he will flourish. This young man needs so much, and has so much to offer.
I strongly believe that if he goes to high school for a couple of years, and then on to college, he will be successful once he has a better grasp on language and culture. I so want this for him.
Our girls are begging us to keep him. They have such HUGE hearts.
He loves children, and works well with them. He has said he would love to have younger siblings.
Honestly, I think he would still be able to bond with a family even though he is 18. He desires to!
Please pray for this young man. He needs a family NOW.... and one that will commit to him and see him through to success.
Saturday, July 2, 2011
Sarah and the Zip Line
Sarah climbed up 50 feet to get to the top of the tower and then jumped down the zip line. :)
Way to go~!!!!
Way to go~!!!!
While We Were Gone
While We Were Gone
3 little ones we know of came HOME forever. :)
1 young man has lost his home.....just 9 months after arriving. :(
Our son graduated with his Masters Degree in Accounting.
These are the simple things that have touched our lives......
While we were gone, 20 young people's lives were changed
by participating in Camp Out On a Limb.
15 campers created memories to last a life time.
15 parents were energized and encouraged to keep on, keepin' on!
While we were gone
Mike, Anna and Alli bonded together
They went to the movies
They went to breakfast with the pastor
While we were gone
Life went on all around us....
Some for the better, some not so.....
While we were gone......
God was in Control of it all!
Now that we are home.....
He still is!
3 little ones we know of came HOME forever. :)
1 young man has lost his home.....just 9 months after arriving. :(
Our son graduated with his Masters Degree in Accounting.
These are the simple things that have touched our lives......
While we were gone, 20 young people's lives were changed
by participating in Camp Out On a Limb.
15 campers created memories to last a life time.
15 parents were energized and encouraged to keep on, keepin' on!
While we were gone
Mike, Anna and Alli bonded together
They went to the movies
They went to breakfast with the pastor
While we were gone
Life went on all around us....
Some for the better, some not so.....
While we were gone......
God was in Control of it all!
Now that we are home.....
He still is!
Friday, July 1, 2011
CAMP 2011
Mike, Anna and Alli did GREAT!
The parents had fun participating in the "Talent Show"
Sunday, June 26, 2011
Today, The Day Before Tomorrow!
Well, the girlies are all headed to bed. At 6:00 a.m. Erika, Sarah and I will be headed to camp.
Daddy, Anna and Alli will start their "Camp Minich" week. :)
We have been preparing Alli for her first time away from Mama. She has had a really great day, and is helping Sarah finish packing, as I type. :)
Daddy is READY for a good time.... and we will talk every night as usual.
I have to say, I'm really proud of Alli today. She had a great day all day. :)
I am going to miss the rest of my family, but am happy that Daddy is a great daddy and I can relax and focus on camp for the week. :)
So, signing off for the week. Maybe Daddy will post an update???? :) If he has time.
Daddy, Anna and Alli will start their "Camp Minich" week. :)
We have been preparing Alli for her first time away from Mama. She has had a really great day, and is helping Sarah finish packing, as I type. :)
Daddy is READY for a good time.... and we will talk every night as usual.
I have to say, I'm really proud of Alli today. She had a great day all day. :)
I am going to miss the rest of my family, but am happy that Daddy is a great daddy and I can relax and focus on camp for the week. :)
So, signing off for the week. Maybe Daddy will post an update???? :) If he has time.
Saturday, June 25, 2011
Let The Countdown Begin!
In 32 hours, Erika, Sarah and I will be traveling to Youngsport Texas for CAMP! We are headed back to Peaceable Kingdom Retreat for Children.
This is the one time of year where it is good if you are missing a few limbs! :) That is the requirement for this camp. "Multiple Limb Loss/ Limb Difference".
Both Sarah and Erika qualify.... it is a wonderful place! Looking forward to seeing old friends and meeting new friends.
Thank You Texas Scottish Rite Hospital for Children and Peaceable Kingdom!
This is the one time of year where it is good if you are missing a few limbs! :) That is the requirement for this camp. "Multiple Limb Loss/ Limb Difference".
Both Sarah and Erika qualify.... it is a wonderful place! Looking forward to seeing old friends and meeting new friends.
Thank You Texas Scottish Rite Hospital for Children and Peaceable Kingdom!
A Not So BCLC Moment:
courtesy of ME! Turned into a BCLC moment....
Today started out as a great day. Everything was going well... Alli was very excited about her treasures from the Euro Deli and said some really sweet things.
Then....all of a sudden.... there was complaining, there was arguing, there was demanding, and it went on and on and on and on......
There was the story cd in the bedroom she insisted she didn't want to hear because it distracted her from playing. When I went into the room to check, she had brought a BOX of dirt into the bedroom to make a "habitat" for her fake frog, onto the white carpet. LOL
I very nicely told her to please take the dirt outside, we cannot have dirt in the house like that. She pointed out that I have plants with dirt in them all over! "So Why Can't I?" I told her it wouldn't be fair to the old vacuum cleaner. She then proceeded to pout and pout and argue and argue.... and I was not budging. "Go take your dirt outside. The frog habitat will have to stay outside."
And then, it was time for chores. She complained about doing her part and how she always has to do more and that it isn't fun and that she is tired and how everybody leaves everything everywhere on purpose and.... and.... and......
I also had to purchase crutches for Sarah. She is having trouble with her leg and can't wear a prosthetic right now. Alli asked to play with the crutches. I said, yes, but if Sarah needs them, she must give them to her.
When Sarah needed them, she said, "She doesn't really need them...." So , I had to take them away for good while Sarah is needing them.
After several hours....
Mama, blew it. Her voice was getting louder and I got louder.... and I said, STOP!!!! NOW!!!! STOP IT!
AND SHE SAID, "I don't like it that you raised your voice!"
I said, "I don't like it that you have been raising your voice all day!"
And she said, "NO! NOT ALL DAY! I played with Sarah for about 10 minutes and we went to the store! THAT IS NOT ALL DAY!"
And I said, "Since Noon! It is now 4:oo!"
She said,
"Well, just because I raised my voice doesn't mean you should!" Hello!
And then..... I said, "YOU ARE RIGHT.... I SHOULDN'T AND I DID!"
And You are WRONG! You shouldn't EVER raise your voice to mama!
And so, we went to the rocking chair and started over. WHEW!
So, since she has had so many opinions on my parenting today, I made her the parent and I became her.
I did my best to act like her, sound like her and do all the famous facial movements.....She watched with amusement and when it was her turn to instruct me, she blurted out..... "I have NO IDEA WHAT TO SAY! I'm just a kid! I don't want to be the mom!" LOL
Yes, she takes her role play seriously. :)
We then had a talk about trust. And I was able to tell her how much I love her. After that we snuggled for a while and we came up with some ideas on how to get out of the bad habits she has formed over all the years.
We talked about how hard it is, because it IS a habit. She responded well to Bananas, but today I didn't do it. She has responded very well to prayer and breathing... but today, I didn't do that either.
So when the right time came, I told her that I KNOW she CAN do it! She can do VERY WELL, and I also know it is hard work.... just like it is for me to be a mom. Just like she couldn't think of one thing to tell me when she was pretending to be me.... sometimes it is just that hard for me to be a mom too.
I want so much to help her see that there are some destructive behaviors that she MUST rule over!
"If you want to control something, control your temper!" LOL
I guess today was a 2 steps back day. :) I know she is feeling anxious about me taking Erika and Sarah to camp on Monday, and that will be the first time we have been separated.
Daddy is making plans for a fun filled week for Himself, Anna and Alli.
Somehow, I think everything will be ok, in spite of my personal failure today.
And since about 5:00, she has been a perfect little angel. It is now 9:20! :)
Glad we finished this day off like it started. :)
Today started out as a great day. Everything was going well... Alli was very excited about her treasures from the Euro Deli and said some really sweet things.
Then....all of a sudden.... there was complaining, there was arguing, there was demanding, and it went on and on and on and on......
There was the story cd in the bedroom she insisted she didn't want to hear because it distracted her from playing. When I went into the room to check, she had brought a BOX of dirt into the bedroom to make a "habitat" for her fake frog, onto the white carpet. LOL
I very nicely told her to please take the dirt outside, we cannot have dirt in the house like that. She pointed out that I have plants with dirt in them all over! "So Why Can't I?" I told her it wouldn't be fair to the old vacuum cleaner. She then proceeded to pout and pout and argue and argue.... and I was not budging. "Go take your dirt outside. The frog habitat will have to stay outside."
And then, it was time for chores. She complained about doing her part and how she always has to do more and that it isn't fun and that she is tired and how everybody leaves everything everywhere on purpose and.... and.... and......
I also had to purchase crutches for Sarah. She is having trouble with her leg and can't wear a prosthetic right now. Alli asked to play with the crutches. I said, yes, but if Sarah needs them, she must give them to her.
When Sarah needed them, she said, "She doesn't really need them...." So , I had to take them away for good while Sarah is needing them.
After several hours....
Mama, blew it. Her voice was getting louder and I got louder.... and I said, STOP!!!! NOW!!!! STOP IT!
AND SHE SAID, "I don't like it that you raised your voice!"
I said, "I don't like it that you have been raising your voice all day!"
And she said, "NO! NOT ALL DAY! I played with Sarah for about 10 minutes and we went to the store! THAT IS NOT ALL DAY!"
And I said, "Since Noon! It is now 4:oo!"
She said,
"Well, just because I raised my voice doesn't mean you should!" Hello!
And then..... I said, "YOU ARE RIGHT.... I SHOULDN'T AND I DID!"
And You are WRONG! You shouldn't EVER raise your voice to mama!
And so, we went to the rocking chair and started over. WHEW!
So, since she has had so many opinions on my parenting today, I made her the parent and I became her.
I did my best to act like her, sound like her and do all the famous facial movements.....She watched with amusement and when it was her turn to instruct me, she blurted out..... "I have NO IDEA WHAT TO SAY! I'm just a kid! I don't want to be the mom!" LOL
Yes, she takes her role play seriously. :)
We then had a talk about trust. And I was able to tell her how much I love her. After that we snuggled for a while and we came up with some ideas on how to get out of the bad habits she has formed over all the years.
We talked about how hard it is, because it IS a habit. She responded well to Bananas, but today I didn't do it. She has responded very well to prayer and breathing... but today, I didn't do that either.
So when the right time came, I told her that I KNOW she CAN do it! She can do VERY WELL, and I also know it is hard work.... just like it is for me to be a mom. Just like she couldn't think of one thing to tell me when she was pretending to be me.... sometimes it is just that hard for me to be a mom too.
I want so much to help her see that there are some destructive behaviors that she MUST rule over!
"If you want to control something, control your temper!" LOL
I guess today was a 2 steps back day. :) I know she is feeling anxious about me taking Erika and Sarah to camp on Monday, and that will be the first time we have been separated.
Daddy is making plans for a fun filled week for Himself, Anna and Alli.
Somehow, I think everything will be ok, in spite of my personal failure today.
And since about 5:00, she has been a perfect little angel. It is now 9:20! :)
Glad we finished this day off like it started. :)
Alli and the Deli
I took Miss Alli and Erika to the Russian Deli, located in Dallas. They had so much fun! Alli couldn't believe there was such a store with all her favorite foods, so close to home!
She picked out all this:
The sausage on the top left is from her particular region in Russia! You would not have believed her excitement when she pointed it out! I know that Sausage!!!! She remembered the Pelmeni, and the cookies and soups and cavier and fish and candy....and..... the only thing we didn't get a picture of was the roll stuffed with cabbage. She and Erika downed those on the way home. :)
Here is a picture of her eating the stuffed roll from my cell phone. : I remember having this when we were in Ukraine. I believe they are called Perogis.We stopped at a roadside bakery and picked some up. Oh they were delicious! I would have had one, had it not been for the gluten. :/
I have never seen a child so excited about food. LOL On the way home she called Daddy and told him all about it, and then she said, "Mommy, I never dreamed a mama would do something so nice for me. "
Made me want to cry.
I am THRILLED she had such a great time and that it was such a positive surprise for her.
The man at the Deli spoke to her in Russian, but she couldn't remember any. :( We are working on it with Rosetta Stone. However, Erika surprised me and actually answered something back in Russian .... the man said, "Very good!" :) Yea for Rosetta Stone. :)
On Monday, Erika, Sarah and I plan to go to Out on a Limb Camp. Anna, Alli and Daddy will be on their own for the week. :) Daddy has already arranged for our friends from Russia to come over and cook a Russian meal. Smart daddy! LOL
She picked out all this:
Here is a picture of her eating the stuffed roll from my cell phone. : I remember having this when we were in Ukraine. I believe they are called Perogis.We stopped at a roadside bakery and picked some up. Oh they were delicious! I would have had one, had it not been for the gluten. :/
I have never seen a child so excited about food. LOL On the way home she called Daddy and told him all about it, and then she said, "Mommy, I never dreamed a mama would do something so nice for me. "
Made me want to cry.
I am THRILLED she had such a great time and that it was such a positive surprise for her.
The man at the Deli spoke to her in Russian, but she couldn't remember any. :( We are working on it with Rosetta Stone. However, Erika surprised me and actually answered something back in Russian .... the man said, "Very good!" :) Yea for Rosetta Stone. :)
On Monday, Erika, Sarah and I plan to go to Out on a Limb Camp. Anna, Alli and Daddy will be on their own for the week. :) Daddy has already arranged for our friends from Russia to come over and cook a Russian meal. Smart daddy! LOL
Thursday, June 23, 2011
Zoo Trip 2011
HOWEVER.... We are thrilled that Alli could go for the very FIRST time! :) We took the train to the zoo and that was an experience for everybody. We love taking the train.
The last time we were at the zoo, we really wanted to eat where the Lions were, but it was way too crowded. Going on a Thursday payed off! We got to sit right by the Lion window. The girls had so much fun watching them sun bathe.
Alli thought it was terrible to eat in front of lions. She thought they might be hungry and wondered where all their food was. LOL
Overall, we had a great time together, and now Alli is a Dallas Zoo Fan, like the rest of us. :)
And here is the famous video of Lillian 3 years ago on the zoo carousel. I still love watching her little face change from joy to uncertainty in seconds. LOL
Wednesday, June 22, 2011
A VERY Cool Moth
Well that didn't take long.... I love Google. It is a Vine Sphinx. It originates from Argentina!
http://www.silkmoths.bizland.com/evitivit.htm
Family Worship
We have our family worship time every Tuesday night. For some reason, for the last couple of months, we were not wearing our head coverings during family worship, but wearing them at regular worship. Yes, a total inconsistency on my part.
So, out of the mouth of babes.... LOL
Alli said, "If we are worshipping and praying, shouldn't we have our head coverings on? Ummm.... Yes we should!
And with that, they all got up and joyfully ran to get them. LOL
I just love the practicality of little kids. :)
So, out of the mouth of babes.... LOL
Alli said, "If we are worshipping and praying, shouldn't we have our head coverings on? Ummm.... Yes we should!
And with that, they all got up and joyfully ran to get them. LOL
Erika and Sarah
I am so thrilled that though they were separated for 2 years, they are sisters today. They were always meant to be together! :)
Tuesday, June 21, 2011
So What IS Love Anyway?
This was the question I posed to Miss Alli today. Her answer? I don't know. She has heard people say, "I love you." She has heard it spoken in movies, she has heard it spoken in our home. And her answer is exactly what I thought she'd say.... because we only have 1 word in our language that we typically use for Love.... It is LOVE. And in her case: It has never lasted. :(
But for many, love simply means "I like you", I like what you do for ME, or I want something FROM you....
And then we hear the words "All You Need Is Love" da da da da da..... what kind of love? Phileo? The friendship kind? Agape'- the eternal kind? Arros, the lovey dovey kind? What Kind?
So, back to the question at hand. What is Love? What does it mean when I say to Alli, "I LOVE YOU!" Does it mean that I love her just as she is? Does it mean that I accept her just as she is? Yes and Yes... but there is more. Love wants MORE than that. Love doesn't want us to be stagnant but to grow. Love is the water poured into another's life so they CAN grow and heal.
God's LOVE for us was so great that he Sent HIS SON TO DIE.... so we would not be stagnant in our sin, but we would heal. This is the kind of love we should have for one another; laying our lives down and putting them aside for another. This kind of love can only come from God.
Love denies oneself for the benefit of another. Love does not consider it's own needs above those of another. Love does not run off to get away. Instead..... Love faces, embraces and WINS! Love meets the needs of another head on. Love is a well that doesn't run dry. Love causes another's cup to be full to overflowing.... and continues to pour the refreshing waters into their dry and parched soul even when they don't understand it or receive it....Love continues, joyfully.
The Word Love is an action word. It is a VERB... it shows itself in many, many ways, but the best I can put it, is: Love ALWAYS does what is the VERY BEST for the OTHER person. LOVE puts OTHERS FIRST. LOVE DOES NOT DOUBT. LOVE HOPES, ENDURES, BELIEVES..... and IT NEVER,EVER, EVER, EVER, EVER, EVER, EVER, GIVES UP....EVER, EVER, EVER. LOVE NEVER FAILS.
So, Miss Alli, and to all of my children.... When I say, "I LOVE You".... it isn't cliche', it isn't shallow. It means.... well..... I LOVE YOU A WHOLE HECK OF A BUNCH! :)
But for many, love simply means "I like you", I like what you do for ME, or I want something FROM you....
And then we hear the words "All You Need Is Love" da da da da da..... what kind of love? Phileo? The friendship kind? Agape'- the eternal kind? Arros, the lovey dovey kind? What Kind?
So, back to the question at hand. What is Love? What does it mean when I say to Alli, "I LOVE YOU!" Does it mean that I love her just as she is? Does it mean that I accept her just as she is? Yes and Yes... but there is more. Love wants MORE than that. Love doesn't want us to be stagnant but to grow. Love is the water poured into another's life so they CAN grow and heal.
God's LOVE for us was so great that he Sent HIS SON TO DIE.... so we would not be stagnant in our sin, but we would heal. This is the kind of love we should have for one another; laying our lives down and putting them aside for another. This kind of love can only come from God.
Love denies oneself for the benefit of another. Love does not consider it's own needs above those of another. Love does not run off to get away. Instead..... Love faces, embraces and WINS! Love meets the needs of another head on. Love is a well that doesn't run dry. Love causes another's cup to be full to overflowing.... and continues to pour the refreshing waters into their dry and parched soul even when they don't understand it or receive it....Love continues, joyfully.
The Word Love is an action word. It is a VERB... it shows itself in many, many ways, but the best I can put it, is: Love ALWAYS does what is the VERY BEST for the OTHER person. LOVE puts OTHERS FIRST. LOVE DOES NOT DOUBT. LOVE HOPES, ENDURES, BELIEVES..... and IT NEVER,EVER, EVER, EVER, EVER, EVER, EVER, GIVES UP....EVER, EVER, EVER. LOVE NEVER FAILS.
So, Miss Alli, and to all of my children.... When I say, "I LOVE You".... it isn't cliche', it isn't shallow. It means.... well..... I LOVE YOU A WHOLE HECK OF A BUNCH! :)
How Deep The Father's Love For Us
How vast, beyond all measure.... that He would send His only son, and make a wretch His treasure.....
Oh these words pierce my heart. I am that wretch.
Amazing grace, how sweet the sound, that saved a wretch, like me!
Yep, there I am again.
Yet, I am an adopted child of the most HIGH God. Not because of my deserving nature; not because of what I do; not because of who I am.... but because HE chose me to be, from the foundation of the earth.
These words, Mike and I have been pondering in light of adoption.
Our children are ours and they are loved.... not because they are perfect, not because they are talented, not because they are beautiful.... not because they give us anything in return or make us feel good about ourselves. Our children are loved, because we have chosen to love them..... God has chosen us to love them and pour ourselves into them. He has chosen us as instruments in His hands to bring forth healing into their lives. And in the process, He is working on US!
There is something about adoption that brings about the realization of just how broken we all are, in light of our great and mighty God....He is Perfect. We are imperfect. He has perfect love. We have imperfect love. He sees us in light of eternity.... we see ourselves in light of now.
He guides and teaches us, and in turn, we guide and teach our children.
His Love is not conditional. It is not based upon what we do and our love for our children is not conditional.... it is not based upon their performance.
All this frees each of us in a unique way, to love completely, and be loved completely.
He Fulfills all things, and makes ALL things Beautiful, IN HIS TIME. :)
Evan..... a wretch like me.
Oh these words pierce my heart. I am that wretch.
Amazing grace, how sweet the sound, that saved a wretch, like me!
Yep, there I am again.
Yet, I am an adopted child of the most HIGH God. Not because of my deserving nature; not because of what I do; not because of who I am.... but because HE chose me to be, from the foundation of the earth.
These words, Mike and I have been pondering in light of adoption.
Our children are ours and they are loved.... not because they are perfect, not because they are talented, not because they are beautiful.... not because they give us anything in return or make us feel good about ourselves. Our children are loved, because we have chosen to love them..... God has chosen us to love them and pour ourselves into them. He has chosen us as instruments in His hands to bring forth healing into their lives. And in the process, He is working on US!
There is something about adoption that brings about the realization of just how broken we all are, in light of our great and mighty God....He is Perfect. We are imperfect. He has perfect love. We have imperfect love. He sees us in light of eternity.... we see ourselves in light of now.
He guides and teaches us, and in turn, we guide and teach our children.
His Love is not conditional. It is not based upon what we do and our love for our children is not conditional.... it is not based upon their performance.
All this frees each of us in a unique way, to love completely, and be loved completely.
He Fulfills all things, and makes ALL things Beautiful, IN HIS TIME. :)
Evan..... a wretch like me.
Monday, June 20, 2011
Crazy Bird!
He is still at it! :) All Heaven Declares, The Glory of the Risen Lord!
You cannot see anything, but you sure can hear this guy praising the Lord.... I just wish he would do it before bedtime! :) I tried to whistle to him.... but my whistle isn't very good. :)
Chicken Mama
Miss Alli has been doing so well. She is growing by leaps and bounds. :) But today, we had a bit of a slip up.
She was teasing a little bit, and I asked her to not tease. She stomped into her room... I called her. No response. I called again. No response.
Then, she finally came out. I asked her, "Why did you not come when I called? " She said, " Because, you are going to go to the rocking chair with me and say, "Blah-blah-blah-blah-blah..........BLAH!"
LOL
She did apologize for being rude and not listening. AND THEN.....
I said, " I wonder what it is like to just sit and say, "Blah, Blah Blah....". :)
And we came up with this:
And that is what it is like to say "Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah!" :)
She was teasing a little bit, and I asked her to not tease. She stomped into her room... I called her. No response. I called again. No response.
Then, she finally came out. I asked her, "Why did you not come when I called? " She said, " Because, you are going to go to the rocking chair with me and say, "Blah-blah-blah-blah-blah..........BLAH!"
LOL
She did apologize for being rude and not listening. AND THEN.....
I said, " I wonder what it is like to just sit and say, "Blah, Blah Blah....". :)
And we came up with this:
Sunday, June 19, 2011
Happy Father's Day!
Daddy says he is a very fortunate man to have so many beautiful daughers. :)
Father's day was fun around here! Anna woke up early and gave daddy the card she had made. He really liked her card. :)
We headed off to church and then we had Fajita's for lunch with home made tortilla chips.
After that, daddy left to go to the nursing home and do a bible study early....
When he got back, Erika, Sarah and Alli gave him the gift they had been working on for a few days. I thought it turned out really cute. It is a diorama of our business and house.
We ended our day at the lake and daddy got a real work out throwing girls around into the lake. :)
Unfortunately, I forgot the camera. :(
Oh well...... next year. :)
Happy Father's day!
Father's day was fun around here! Anna woke up early and gave daddy the card she had made. He really liked her card. :)
After that, daddy left to go to the nursing home and do a bible study early....
When he got back, Erika, Sarah and Alli gave him the gift they had been working on for a few days. I thought it turned out really cute. It is a diorama of our business and house.
Unfortunately, I forgot the camera. :(
Oh well...... next year. :)
Happy Father's day!
Saturday, June 18, 2011
Guess Who's Hair!
ANNA!!! :)
And here is her new look! :)
Thursday, June 16, 2011
What Is The Back Door Method?
We have had quite a discussion from my post here, and Frankity asked what I meant by "going through the back door", when teaching our supposedly unteachable son. :)
I figured my answer was so long, I may as well make it a post. :)
I have to start with me. :)
I struggled with school. I was not the worst student, but it took great effort to do well, and reading was never for pleasure with me. I actually HATED reading and never could understand why anybody would want to. You see, I had horrible comprehension. I would read phonetically, and oral reading was quite good...But understanding what I read never connected. Therefore, studying a text book was awful. It took hours to complete homework assignments and studying for tests was just as hard.
I was frustrated beyond words.
When I was a child I checked "Little Women" out of the library several times, but never read it. I never read "Little House on the Prairie", even though I loved the ideas of the books. I could read them... I just couldn't comprehend them.
Fast forward NOT TOO FAR.... :)
I married at 18, and had my first son at 20.... So I was still a bit of a kid. Our second son came at 22, 3rd son at 23 and 4th son at 24..... I loved playing with them. And playing included a LOT of crawling.
I never crawled as a baby, I had always known this....but I never connected my not being able to comprehend with left brain right brain engagement. I didn't know about that yet. :)
What happened was I played with my boys and crawled all the time on the floor for about 5 years. LOL
About 3 years into crawling, all of the sudden, I had this insatiable desire to READ! Everything I read was fascinating to me and I couldn't get enough of it. I had never felt that way before.
I loved reading factual articles and scientific articles, especially medical things, since my son had so many issues.
What I found one day was a study on left brain right brain connection and the importance of crawling in regards to reading. The study took adults and had them crawl 20 minutes a day for several months and then gauged their reading improvement. All of them improved slightly....
I connected that since I was crawling probably 2 hours a day ( we loved crawl races) for several years, the pathways from left brain, right brain made connections that during that time everybody thought were unable to develop, because I was an adult.
Tim had learned to crawl correctly. I made sure of that. But his brain still had damaged areas. All I did was take him back to the beginning and encourage him. We purchased some OLDER materials that were used in the 1800's. (McGuffy's Readers)
I knew he was very oral, so we did a lot of oral learning. He would read a sentence and I would read a sentence.
I did not grade his work at all. No tests! He would stress out on this style of rote and scoring, and would shut down. He would not be able to get anything out of his head onto paper when stressed.
In a relaxed environment, I pushed him to make himself learn. He became VERY self disciplined and was so excited when reading came just 3 months after we began. He also covered 2 years of math in one summer.
He would write a paper and turn it in, thinking he had written something fabulous.... Every sentence, EVERY SENTENCE had maybe 2 or 3 words and everything else was missing. So we would sit down and go sentence by sentence...
"What did you think you wrote?" He would tell me and I would write it, then he would copy it.
We did this for a few years. Then, like magic, his brain started filling in the words.
On days where he would wake up and forget everything he ever learned in his life, and it happened several times a month.... we would go for a drive and do art work. This helped the right brain get the exercise it needed and reconnect with the left. By the time afternoon rolled around.... he was back to normal.
I also had him rewrite every lesson in every McGuffy Reader in his OWN words. They are designed in shorter lessons with numbered paragraphs. This built his vocabulary. I read Real books to him and he illustrated as I read. (all the boys did this)
And then, we would WATCH A MOVIE about a book we were GOING to read, so he could get the characters down, BEFORE reading.... and then read the book.
Many times in school they have the kids read the book and THEN watch the movie. For Tim, and Marc, they needed it to be the opposite.
For mathematics, we used Saxon, which is a repeat, repeat, repeat method, building on concepts. We also used Math U SEE blocks so he could visually see his math. It really helped him understand why larger numbers in fractions are actually smaller in value.
The only tests I gave him, were the state basic skills test when we started teaching at home. He was in the 3 percentile. When he took the 12th grade test, he scored in the 88 percentile.
Our back door, was to keep working both sides of his brain to cause them to connect. It was to stay away from testing, and use real life books, instead of all text books. It was to teach him orally, in as many subjects as possible, until his reading skills caught up. And it was to give him the confidence that HE HAD TO WORK HARDER THAN ANYBODY ELSE if he wanted to compete.
His HARD WORK AND PERSEVERANCE payed off. He literally studied from 6:30 a.m. until about 7:00 p.m. EVERY DAY.... and he was joyful about it. He was the first handicapped, homeschooler to attend the local college. They didn't quite know what to do with us, when I told them he needed to have extra time for tests, and he was going to college for CREDIT, like everybody else.
I was asked, "Where is his psychological report?" I went home and wrote a paper that said, "Tim is well adjusted. " I had it notorized and turned it back in, with a copy of the law that says, A home school is considered a Private School. I was the administrator. :) Boy was that lady mad! LOL
Tim took 7 years to graduate instead of 5. He went to Jr. College first, then University. He got a scholarship. Taking upper level teaching classes was very interesting for him, as he was a former special ed student. LOL
When he would tell them he couldn't read at 11, they were shocked.
I believe that all the left brain, right brain stimulation.... and the exercising one side and then the other helped him make the neural connections he needed to learn. He also worked HARD.
He tells his students now....(he teaches special ed) You can do it... You just have to work really hard!
I figured my answer was so long, I may as well make it a post. :)
I have to start with me. :)
I struggled with school. I was not the worst student, but it took great effort to do well, and reading was never for pleasure with me. I actually HATED reading and never could understand why anybody would want to. You see, I had horrible comprehension. I would read phonetically, and oral reading was quite good...But understanding what I read never connected. Therefore, studying a text book was awful. It took hours to complete homework assignments and studying for tests was just as hard.
I was frustrated beyond words.
When I was a child I checked "Little Women" out of the library several times, but never read it. I never read "Little House on the Prairie", even though I loved the ideas of the books. I could read them... I just couldn't comprehend them.
Fast forward NOT TOO FAR.... :)
I married at 18, and had my first son at 20.... So I was still a bit of a kid. Our second son came at 22, 3rd son at 23 and 4th son at 24..... I loved playing with them. And playing included a LOT of crawling.
I never crawled as a baby, I had always known this....but I never connected my not being able to comprehend with left brain right brain engagement. I didn't know about that yet. :)
What happened was I played with my boys and crawled all the time on the floor for about 5 years. LOL
About 3 years into crawling, all of the sudden, I had this insatiable desire to READ! Everything I read was fascinating to me and I couldn't get enough of it. I had never felt that way before.
I loved reading factual articles and scientific articles, especially medical things, since my son had so many issues.
What I found one day was a study on left brain right brain connection and the importance of crawling in regards to reading. The study took adults and had them crawl 20 minutes a day for several months and then gauged their reading improvement. All of them improved slightly....
I connected that since I was crawling probably 2 hours a day ( we loved crawl races) for several years, the pathways from left brain, right brain made connections that during that time everybody thought were unable to develop, because I was an adult.
Tim had learned to crawl correctly. I made sure of that. But his brain still had damaged areas. All I did was take him back to the beginning and encourage him. We purchased some OLDER materials that were used in the 1800's. (McGuffy's Readers)
I knew he was very oral, so we did a lot of oral learning. He would read a sentence and I would read a sentence.
I did not grade his work at all. No tests! He would stress out on this style of rote and scoring, and would shut down. He would not be able to get anything out of his head onto paper when stressed.
In a relaxed environment, I pushed him to make himself learn. He became VERY self disciplined and was so excited when reading came just 3 months after we began. He also covered 2 years of math in one summer.
He would write a paper and turn it in, thinking he had written something fabulous.... Every sentence, EVERY SENTENCE had maybe 2 or 3 words and everything else was missing. So we would sit down and go sentence by sentence...
"What did you think you wrote?" He would tell me and I would write it, then he would copy it.
We did this for a few years. Then, like magic, his brain started filling in the words.
On days where he would wake up and forget everything he ever learned in his life, and it happened several times a month.... we would go for a drive and do art work. This helped the right brain get the exercise it needed and reconnect with the left. By the time afternoon rolled around.... he was back to normal.
I also had him rewrite every lesson in every McGuffy Reader in his OWN words. They are designed in shorter lessons with numbered paragraphs. This built his vocabulary. I read Real books to him and he illustrated as I read. (all the boys did this)
And then, we would WATCH A MOVIE about a book we were GOING to read, so he could get the characters down, BEFORE reading.... and then read the book.
Many times in school they have the kids read the book and THEN watch the movie. For Tim, and Marc, they needed it to be the opposite.
For mathematics, we used Saxon, which is a repeat, repeat, repeat method, building on concepts. We also used Math U SEE blocks so he could visually see his math. It really helped him understand why larger numbers in fractions are actually smaller in value.
The only tests I gave him, were the state basic skills test when we started teaching at home. He was in the 3 percentile. When he took the 12th grade test, he scored in the 88 percentile.
Our back door, was to keep working both sides of his brain to cause them to connect. It was to stay away from testing, and use real life books, instead of all text books. It was to teach him orally, in as many subjects as possible, until his reading skills caught up. And it was to give him the confidence that HE HAD TO WORK HARDER THAN ANYBODY ELSE if he wanted to compete.
His HARD WORK AND PERSEVERANCE payed off. He literally studied from 6:30 a.m. until about 7:00 p.m. EVERY DAY.... and he was joyful about it. He was the first handicapped, homeschooler to attend the local college. They didn't quite know what to do with us, when I told them he needed to have extra time for tests, and he was going to college for CREDIT, like everybody else.
I was asked, "Where is his psychological report?" I went home and wrote a paper that said, "Tim is well adjusted. " I had it notorized and turned it back in, with a copy of the law that says, A home school is considered a Private School. I was the administrator. :) Boy was that lady mad! LOL
Tim took 7 years to graduate instead of 5. He went to Jr. College first, then University. He got a scholarship. Taking upper level teaching classes was very interesting for him, as he was a former special ed student. LOL
When he would tell them he couldn't read at 11, they were shocked.
I believe that all the left brain, right brain stimulation.... and the exercising one side and then the other helped him make the neural connections he needed to learn. He also worked HARD.
He tells his students now....(he teaches special ed) You can do it... You just have to work really hard!
Birthday Girls Dance With Daddy
I get great joy in watching daddy dance with his daughters. I can't help but think where they could have been....or what could have happened..... It makes me shudder to think.... and then, I get tears of joy......
Alli wanted to join in on the birthday dances...... Anna ran for the hills. LOLI think Mike had his work out for the night. After chocolate cake and strawberry cheese cake, he needed it. LOL
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