Our Darling Albina

I have written a lot on this blog, since 2011 when our Albina came to us. We have never worked so hard with a child as we did with Albina. I am so thankful to her for causing us to be on our knees calling out to the Lord for every decision. This is how it should be for all of our children.... she reminded us. :) A long time ago she sent us a drawing and it said "Don't Give Up"! She was very worried that we would give up on her. NO way! :) x

A long time ago I wrote a post about talking to her about not living her life in the rear view mirror. She was looking back at all her losses and all the terrible things that had made up her life the first 11 years. She was missing out of all the blessing she had ahead of her. Today, she has learned to see the many blessings in her life. She calls us several times a week just to say hi. She volunteers for field trips for Sebastian, works hard, loves fiercely and even rides dirt bikes and goes to the car races. She has learned that life is what you make it. There is nothing you can do about the past but there is EVERYTHING you can do about the present and the future.
She is a wonderful mama and is about to have another baby in just a few weeks. :) What a blessing she is. Thank you Albina for teaching us to always look to the Lord and depend upon Him. We are proud of you. https://minichfamilyblog.blogspot.com/search?q=looking+in+the+rear+view+mirror

IT'S ANNIVERSARY TIME!

It is Alli's big Anniversary time. She has SO MANY anniversaries, they are hard to keep up with, but her birthday is just around the corner, and our coming together is not much further away.  So, of course, that internal clock is ticking LOUDLY!

We had another  incident last night with some bossiness that I have not seen since August!
I expected that old behaviors would come back to visit, and was surprised that they didn't at Christmas time!  
My fingers were crossed for Birthday time..... but they are uncrossed now. LOL

I handled the bossiness very much like I did in my last post.... and when things were calm, she did ask, "What am I doing wrong?"  Sometimes when our kids get in a funk, they don't recognize it.... ESPECIALLY if it has to do with more abstract things like tone.

So we sat together and I told her very matter of factly what she was doing wrong about her bossiness. I used humor to demonstrate it.  Her response was, "I don't sound like that!" 
Ummm. yes dear, you do! :)

I mentioned the incident earlier  where she shut down, and told her that these behaviors have not been around to visit us in quite a while! Can you tell me what is going on in your heart?
As we spoke, I mentioned to her that it is normal to be anxious sometimes. 
"Can you tell me what is on your mind?"
At first she said, no.  We waited a few minutes and then she said yes.

She spoke quietly, with her head down.... "I've been thinking about my other brother and sister all day.  I miss them.  And then she began to cry.... And I've been thinking about my mama.
Of course, our family is so weird, I had to ask, "Which one?" After All, I'm number FOUR!  :)
She looked at me and smiled .... "My first mama, in Russia."

I took her in my arms and said, "Of COURSE you are thinking about them!" 
"It is close to your birthday and you came from your mama's body!  It is where your little life began! I am so thankful that you were born!"
"I want you to know, IT IS OK, to love them!"  "IT IS OK TO LOVE THE MAMA WHO GAVE BIRTH TO YOU!" 
"Your birth mama was an alcoholic, and had many problems, but that does not mean she didn't have love for you!" "Of course she did!"
(Alli has several precious memories of time with her birth mama, cooking, watching her mama by the stove, and walking."
She cried a little bit.  I felt this was a good time to share with her the little bit of information I received a few weeks ago from her first adoptive family.  I had been hoping for a little more information before I shared, but it didn't come.....

I let her know that they are not angry with her, and are very happy that she is happy.
This gave her some much NEEDED relief, because she has hung onto guilt for a long time over her first adoptive family.  The loss of her brother and sister has been great. :(   I pray that at some point, they will be able to exchange letters or even meet.  I pray that when they are all adults, they will be able to reunite in a healthy way.
I TOTALLY understand and respect the first family's need for privacy.  We have needed that privacy too!  But I do pray that at some point, a letter can be sent.....or pictures exchanged. 

After our talk last night, we went through the plans for her upcoming birthday, and what to expect. We talked about the good in her life and how sometimes we can get overwhelmed dwelling on the past, which we cannot change. 
Looking to the future and making the best of the life we have to live, is the best direction for success.
When we give our lives to the Lord, we are RIGHT where he wants us to be!  We can't go forward and see what is ahead, looking in the rear view mirror! :)

Life is a journey.  Alli is like a small rose bud that is just beginning to unfold.   I am excited for her, and the life she has ahead of her. I am proud to be a part of it.  
There are days when we struggle together to keep our eyes on the goal. But through those struggles we learn to be strong.

Yesterday, as we were talking, she mentioned that at 12 years old, you have barely even begun to live your life!  Such wisdom!  She is right.... And we talked about how much of a wonderful life is ahead of her. 
She then revealed to me another little worry.  She had read in an Ewitness Book about being a crime detective, (she likes Nancy Drew), she read about how there was a man who's father was a convict and the son was also a convict....and the book inferred that the son was because his father was...as if it was inevitable.  She was VERY worried about this for obvious reasons!

I told her that some of those opinions are simply Philosophical opinions, NOT based in TRUTH, just some observation.  Just because you were abused does not mean you will abuse.  Just because your parents were alcoholics does not mean you will be an alcoholic. Just because somebody is a thief, it does not mean their child will also be a thief!
These are MEN's Ideas! 
BUT GOD..... is in the business of intervention! He is in the business of taking us from the path we are on; one leading to destruction, and placing us on the path of life! He is in the business of turning us around! 180's!
We are ALL capable of walking a path of destruction, including those who come from GOOD homes where there was no addiction or abuse! 
Choosing a different way, making that decision NOW, will lead to a very different circumstance!
CHOOSE TO LIVE YOUR LIFE WITHOUT REGRET!!

She asked me, "Mama, what do you think I'll be like when I grow up?"
I replied, "I think your are going to be a wonderful and outstanding mama! You are already showing wonderful qualities when you are around little children.  And I think you can do whatever you set your mind to!"
It is TRUE.....  And TRUTH sets us free. :)

A Conversation With Miss Alli

Today, I had to run some errands after dropping Anna off at the library for her volunteer job.  Alli asked to come with me so we could spend some time together.

So while we were out driving from place to place, we had a conversation that really to me is rather Miraculous.  That word gets thrown around here on this blog a lot, but truly , we live a miracle every day.  
The fact that our girls live with us, in our home, HERE in Texas, that they are alive and thriving.... I am always reminded of God's mercy and grace and the miraculous work He has done and continues to do  in their lives.

Let me back up..... Alli has been home for 16, almost 17 months.  She was 11 years old when she came, after being removed from her biological parents at 7, put in an orphanage, adopted into the United States, disrupted, adopted again, disrupted, throw in some respite care and some hospitalization  and , well, you get the idea.  All that was BEFORE we brought her home.

She was convinced for months that we would not keep her or love her.  She would start to get close and then run the other way emotionally.  But God's Grace and Mercy in her life began to show, and we saw little blossoms of love begin to form and take ROOT.

So, back to today....

We were driving in the car and she was asking all about college and what different careers require for college degrees.  She asked about incomes of various careers including, dentist, hygenist, fast food worker, police officer and nurse.  I told her all I could about each of those and how much school they would take.  She recoiled at the thought of how long it would take to be a dentist, claiming she would be OLD by the time she finished school. LOL (Not as old as me! but I didn't offer that ditty of info.)

She then began to ask about lifestyles of each of these jobs. What type of home could this kind of job offer?  And she was neatly putting together a little life lesson that we usually put together in high school for economics!

She listed out some of her desires for when she is older, including owning a horse or two.  She carefully asked about working hours for those jobs and weighed out if she would have time to care for a horse and work too. 

Wow! I was pretty blown away at this conversation, considering last year, she couldn't have held that type of conversation at all! Not at this level.

It is sorta funny.  Yesterday she said she didn't want to be 13 because people will expect so much out of you and you can't be rocked anymore.  When I explained she could be rocked no matter how old she gets and that one of the girls at church who is in her 20's sits in her daddy's lap all the time, she seemed to not be so anxious about being 13. :) 
And now, she seems to be sliding right into those years where you begin to think about all the exciting plans for a real future!  She is looking forward and not in the rear view mirror. :)



Way to go Miss Alli! :)