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Sunday, July 17, 2011

Babies and Such

I was looking at the newest baby at church today. She is simply beautiful. She was resting peacefully in her mother's arms, snuggled against her chest, at perfect rest. 

When I see babies now, my thoughts are all over the place. Memories of my own babies come back to mind, and how peacefully my boys rested, snuggled comfortably in my arms.... memories of watching them breathe, memories of their first smile, first tooth, first coo, first word.... and I marvel that they are now a bunch of big hairy men! LOL

But then, my heart goes to my girls.  I don't have any memories of them being little. I have heartache for them, because each of them came from very difficult circumstances.  Their early lives are a mystery.
Who snuggled them? Did they love them? Did they let them sleep peacefully, listening to a heart beat? Did they pause and listen to their precious breath? 

NO. It didn't happen.

Our girls missed so much, it hurts to think about it.  Their early lives were already lived.... WITHOUT US!  Whaaa......   I didn't hear their first cries. I didn't comfort their little tears, or comfort them when they were sick or hurt.   They only had themselves. :(

And now, I can't think of what life would be like without each of them.   It SEEMS that they have always been here. The only memory that they haven't, is that I have no baby  pictures. :( 
It is as if that part of their lives is unaccounted for. It is very sad. 

I am so thankful they are home. I am so thankful they are happy and I hear joyful laughter and screams and squeals. I am so thankful that I can rock them even today.... and they don't seem to mind. :)
Yes, we joke that they came "potty trained and talking back"..... but there is pain there too.
I would have given my right arm, to have been their mama from the beginning.

I can see however, that God had different plans.  I don't know why....But HE does!  And he has chosen to take Ashes and turn them into beauty.......

And I get to watch it all unfold in my home.   Oh how thankful I am. :)

8 comments:

Jo's Corner said...

Christie, you are one of the kindest, most loving Mama's that I've ever "met". I love your heart and how very much you give to your children. ALL of them. I follow your blog faithfully and am always touched by your wisdom and insight. I wish I lived close enough to meet you and your family. Your daughters are all so beautiful and they all have sweet spirits, despite their hurtful beginnings. I know you miss their infant and toddler years and how I wish you had been there to hold and comfort them. But, they are getting a lot of that necessary love, cuddling, touch that they missed out on! What a Blessing for ALL of you, but especially for the girls. I believe those things are so important to have in order to grow into healthy women.

Erika and Sarah are my heros, by the way! I had a BTK amputation in Oct. 2008. I still have to use a wheelchair, as I've never been able to adjust to my prosthesis. Then there's the fact that I'm allergic to the liners. So I am amazed by the stories of how well they do with their legs! They could definitely teach me some things. I had many problems after my surgery and actually had two revisions done. I spent over three months in the hospital and was alone during that time. I lost my leg due to having a flesh-eating bacteria. The amputation came after many, many surgeries and hospitalizations over a two year period. During the hospital stay they did all of the teaching for aftercare and taking care of my residual leg, but due to being on medications, I don't remember much. They basically sent me home with LOTS of socks and I have no clue about how/what/when to wear them. I haven't had much change in the size of my stump and I wonder if it's too late. If you and/or the girls could give me some tips about socks, I'd love it! I really, really want to walk again!

Well, this short comment is now very long, so I'll stop for now. Tell the girls that I admire EACH and Every one of them. They face their challenges well and I know that He has big plans for their lives! Stay COOL!

Hugs from MN. ~ Jo

Mike and Christie said...

Jo, I'm so sorry you lost your leg due to that awful bacteria. I met a wonderful woman 2 years ago, who lost both legs BTN and both hands to the same thing. She was doing well with her prosthesis.
SOCKOLOGY is the science of knowing what socks to wear.
I have become a Sockologist! LOL
Your leg changes volume all the time.
You should NEVER leave your leg without some type of wrapping (a snake sock) if your leg is off for a longer period of time. (at night)
Are your liners vinyl or cloth?
There are different kinds. If you cannot handle the vinyl lining (I would hate it) then ask to change to sock.
What size socks do you have? The girls have 1's, 2's, 3's 5's. You start with a thicker sock, and work down. If you wear a size 5, and it is too loose, try a 5 and a 2, or a 5 and a 1. If a five doesn't work, but 2 2's aren't enough, try a 3 and a 2....even though it equals 5, it is a little different. :)
The idea is to feel comfortable like you leg is not too tight or too loose. If you need ot adjust volume, wrap your leg tightly to get the volume down (especially if you haven't been in your leg for a while)
When you remove your leg, there shouldn't be red areas for more than 20 minutes, similar to when you remove your shoes and socks.
IF there are, you may need to adjust socks. If this doesn't help, you may need to go back in for a better fitting.

I think too,it is a much harder transition to go into a leg as an adult, vs. a child.

Erika lost her feet at 8 years old. But her feet didn't do anything for her but cause her pain. For YOU, however, you had normal feet and then lost them.... so that is a big difference.
Press on!
Wish we could meet too. :)

Mamita J said...

Amen again. :-) I feel the same way about my little one. I know her early life was so awful, and I miss the memories we don't have and the pictures, but I get a front row seat to a miracle and that is better than anything else.

Mary Grace Biggs said...

Mrs. Minich, which baby was it that you where holding?

Mike and Christie said...

Mary Grace, I wasn't holding her. I was watching her rest on her mama, sound asleep. It was Elizabeth's new baby. She is 3 weeks old. :)

Jo's Corner said...

Dear Sockologist ~ THAT made me Smile! What is a snake sock? Is it an ace bandage. See? I never wear anything on my leg. Bad, huh? Well, now I know. I can't even tell you what type of socks I have. Some have colors at the top. I have several that are called "Juzo*Silver". They are nylon colored and fit pretty tight, but the elastic at the top makes me get huge water blisters all around my thigh. We are (or Mayo Clinic) is researching liners. I had to go through some painful skin testing and a Dermatology workup due to the severe allergies to different liners. Latex, silicone pretty much everything I was allergic to. And, as you well know, when you try something and it gives you blisters, then you're back in the waiting game...waiting to heal before you put anything back on that irritated skin. But, I WILL start putting some type of shrinker sock on all of the time. Just wondering if the girls have had issues with pulling socks off in their sleep? I do every time I go to sleep with one on. Maybe I need a sock that has an extension long enough to tie around my neck! Thanks for the info. Oh yeah, do the girls was their liners every night? And, can you get the outside wet? Hugs ~ Jo

Mike and Christie said...

Jo,
There are many different kinds of socks or liners. Some people are fitted with a special liner.
Sarah had the sock you describe that has the silver inside. It was called an "Angel Sock".... she reacted to it pretty quickly and we use only Royal Flush socks on the girls. They are made of 98 % Tetra polyester and 2%lycra. These socks are Latex free.
They feel like cotton.
www.royalknit.com

The colors at the tops of socks or printed on them mean something. Green is a 5, Yellow is a 3, I can't remember what 1 and 2 are, as we are using mostly 5's and 3's. :)

A Snake sock has a ring on it in the middle. You put it on up to the ring, tighten it and fold it over. It stays pretty snug.
The girls don't wear anything at night right now....(are they supposed to?I think so) LOL

The big thing for the snake is if you are OUT of your leg, you should keep something on it to hold the proper form. Otherwise you fit isn't right.
An ace bandage can do the trick, but the snake is much easier and faster and doesn't fall off.

Mike and Christie said...

When the girls swim, they take their legs off. It is also important to change socks regularly in the heat.
They have gotten legs wet, but it isn't a good idea. :)

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