Erika Plays Guitar

 

Today she was practicing outside and the cat helped himself into her guitar case to listen to the music. :)

Erika's arms don't bend because of her arthrogryposis. An operation in Ukraine put them in a permanent bent position so she could learn how to feed herself and have more use of them.  Now they are in the perfect position for guitar! :) 

An Update

 Last night I took Alli's picture and posted it in the post below.... with her hair braided.

This morning she took it out.... Her hair is really getting long! :)  I think she likes it!

Miss Alli is doing GREAT!  I always knew she would do great. We are witnessing her growth daily, and it is so amazing to be a part of her healing journey!
I am so proud of her. :)

We had a busy weekend, and today after services, we went out to eat and then invited a family to go water skiing with us.  They all came!  I sat on the shore with the other mom while everybody else went in the boat and there went Alli, STANDING on the knee board and waving at us as they went by! :)

She is brave! She is sweet! She is kind! :)  She is healing.... and it makes my heart just sing with joy.
The Lord is good!

SUCCESS! Sweet SUCCESS!

 Today, may not have been deemed  a successful day for some, but for us, it was AMAZINGLY successful!

Over the last 14 months we have been working with Miss Alli on her "reactions" and "actions" for when she gets overwhelmed or upset.  Last year, we began to teach her what was acceptable and what was not.
"When you are upset, you may not climb to the top of the tree!"
"When you are upset and need to cool down, you may SAY ' I need to go into my room and cool down'. and that will be fine!" 
This is a very similar technique we used with one of our boys who had temper tantrums at 3 years old.  When we figured out a strategy to help him, it only took him about 3 weeks to master it.
I remember the first time he used the strategy himself.  He got frustrated because his key car wouldn't work.  I was prepared for a full fledged kicking and screaming fit, and instead, he put his key car down, walked upstairs and sat on his bed!  I remember going in with great delight and hugging him and kissing him and asking him, "Would you like mommy to help you with your car?  It must be disappointing when it doesn't work!"  He gave me a hug and cried a little and then we went and fixed his car.

Well, today, I had to talk with Alli about the computer.  Some things she still does not understand and I had to correct her with a little bit of bite.  "If you do not carefully follow mama's instructions, you will no longer be able to use the computer."  That got her attention, because we don't use "consequences", but this was a SAFETY issue and we DO keep our children SAFE! 
She took our conversation VERY WELL!

We had a great afternoon, and then the girls went out to wash the van and the car.
They were all having a great time.  They were all trying their best to do a good job! Miss Alli got the idea that if she used a SCRUB PAD on the car it would get really clean!  She was correct. There was no dirt left! It also took the finish off of the car in numerous spots and put fine little scratches all through out the paint. 
That one was a little harder for me! LOL
DEEP BREATHS!
She was so proud, and I had to tell her that she didn't do the right thing; that it was a disaster for the car.
So, I was nicely explaining why we don't use scrub pads on cars, and she started to get upset.  She said, you already said something about the computer and now the car. "I can't do anything right!"  (Of course this is not true) She was being EMOTIONAL.....reacting from a place of fear and shame. (embarrassment)


Then she said, "Mom, I need to go into my room and cool down!"    She quietly walked to her room!  About 15 minutes later I went in and rubbed her hair and told her I was proud of her.
She asked "Why"?   So I told her it was because she kept her pinky promise and didn't climb a tree, and she didn't just walk away without saying anything, but she verbalized what she needed to do in a polite way! WOW that is HUGE! :)

She came down and we headed for the rocking chair.  We rocked for awhile and I explained about the scrub pad and the car.  "Now we need to go and tell daddy."  We went out and let daddy know and he responded so very well to his favorite car's paint job being damaged! :)   "You were trying to do something good!"  "Just next time, ask if your idea is a good idea!" 
So THANKFULLY..... I'm married not only to a great daddy, but  to a mechanic who is also a body shoppe guy and has the equipment to buff out the scratches and hopefully return the shine.  :)


And he has a helper that is going to help him do it!

Night Night Miss Alli. :) 

Behind The Waterfall Movie Review

Anybody remember "Radar" (Burghoff) from the old series M.A.S.H?   Well this is a movie starring Gary Burghoff in a very different role.  The movie is about 2 children who go to visit their Aunt and cousin for the summer.    The children's father died in a plane accident, 6 months before.    The movie is about how an Irishman full of Irish Folklore stories befriends them, and opens up a whole different way of looking at things.   
The children love the old man and in the end,  heal from the grief of losing their father.
All of our girls enjoyed it.  There are a few themes that could cause some kids to be afraid, but for the most part it is a clean fun movie.

CAPTURING FRIDAY

We had a really good week!  The weather is changing fast, and it already feels like Summer.  Today we had school and then went on a play date.  Friday Soccer is now over until next school year.

The girls are talking about days at the lake for swimming and they are excited about winding down.
We will be finishing our school year the second week of June.   We typically go through the first of July, but not this year. :)

So here is what I captured while everybody is waiting for Daddy to finish his work day and we start our Friday night at the Movies. :)
 

 Anna in her writing hat.

 Erika and Sarah relaxing in the hammock

And Alli.... can't seem to make up her mind if she wants to swing or play the mandolin, so she is doing both. :)

Erika and Sarah were singing the Theme to "Miss Potter"..... If you haven't seen "Miss Potter", it is a must see. :)

Adoption Support Group

WE DID IT!  We started our first meeting tonight! We just dove in and DID IT! I'm so glad. :)

It will be an hour and a half, on the first and third Thursdays of each month.   Our plan is to spend 45 minutes in discussion and 45 minutes going through the study guide to Karyn Purvis's book, "The Connected Child".   
If you happen to live in the Dallas/Ft. Worth area and are interested in joining us.... please feel free! :)
We'd LOVE to have you!
I am so happy to have good friends to identify with, discuss and support! :)

TONIGHT IS..........

Our very first  Adoption Support Group Meeting!  I was supposed to start this last year, but it came and went and my focus was on our newest daughter and helping her to assimilate into family life.

So, TONIGHT IS THE NIGHT! I am really excited!   We need to come up with a name.

Any Ideas? 

Can It Be SEVEN YEARS????

Yes! It CAN!
Our beautiful Sarah has been home for SEVEN years! 
Sarah is a JOY.  She is one of the most loving, ACCEPTING, generous children I have ever met.
Tonight during our family worship, I heard her share and talk about her faith and her desires to serve the Lord.  She is such a HUGE blessing to all of us.

Sarah's beginnings were so sad.  She was born to a teen age mother who had no way to care for her.  She contracted TB at some point and wound up in a TB hospital, where she was isolated and neglected.  There is no clear understanding of where she was her first 2 years.  She never made it to an orphanage until she was 4!  And then, after she got there, she climbed a tree, fell out and broke her hip! SO she was confined to a bed (tied) for a couple of months.  Papa Dima's daughter said she was FIGHTING MAD! :) 
She came to the United States on her 5 th birthday and she came to us, 2 months shy of her 6th birthday. :)
When we went back and visited Ukraine, one of the workers knew the meaning of the name Sarah and laughed saying "that name fits her perfectly!" She really was a princess.  "I'm not eating that!"
That is what she would say about some of the orphanage food. LOL
I cannot imagine our lives without her.
She is turning into such a wonderful young lady. :)  I am going to miss my "little girl" as she is growing up.... but I cherish each and every memory, and I cherish the young lady that is emerging.   Sarah will be 13 next month! WOW!  Is it POSSIBLE!!!!!! 
I love you my Sweet, Kind, Considerate, Loving  Sarah.... You are TRULY a Princess. :)

What I Did Wrong!

Well, as you can see our last few posts have been chalked full of activity. And all on MOTHER'S DAY WEEKEND!
Mother's day is a trigger time for children who have experienced trauma, and typically we do not make a huge deal of mother's day. You can't get away from acknowledging that it exists, but you can get away from the pressure the day brings.  

We have been doing so well, and there were no clues leading up to dysregulation at all.  So we went to the ENORMOUS ANNUAL BOOK FAIR with thousands of people,  for TWO days in a row!  Alli did wonderfully both days and really enjoyed herself. 

After that, we woke on Sunday Morning to go to a different church where our precious baby grand daughter was being baptized.    Her birth  triggered Miss Alli a bit but she expressed it very well, expressing true sorrow.    The Baptism brought once again attention to "love, raise and nurture" the baby in the Lord.  That was a trigger..... because Miss Alli was not loved, raised and nurtured.  That sting of seeing loving parents dote on their newborn carries a tinge of pain.

During the service, she had a distant look and I asked her, "Are you ok?"  She said, "I'm bored."  So I had her help me follow along in the bulletin and let her know we were not there to be entertained, but to worship and see Olivia be baptized. 

We left after the service and decided to go out to lunch for Mother's day.  Everybody seemed happy about it except Miss Alli.  She demanded that Erika give her a hair band for her hair, not asking nicely.  Erika carries hairbands around with her all the time.  If in need, she has an extra.    She gave Alli one, and she rejected it.  She gave her another one and she rejected it.  The last one was Erika's favorite.  Alli said, "I want THAT one."   Erika told her no, very nicely and said, that one I keep for me. You can have one of the other two.  Alli stormed off calling her selfish.

I took Alli aside and got her calm and then asked "Who was really being selfish?"  Was it the person willing to share, or the person who demanded the other person's hair band?    There was a blank stare. (Here is where I was trying to use logic and address an issue that was both illogical and NOT the issue! duh)   ( I was looking at the behavior and not what was DRIVING the behavior)

Now NORMALLY,  if such a behavior would have occurred we would have gone DIRECTLY home,  but I felt like that would have made the other girls who were all being kind and sweet feel as though they were being punished. 
 Alli pulled herself together enough to eat nicely and we did have a good time.  

But when we got home, the attitude  returned!  She went into a full PTSD mode thinking that we were going to get rid of her, and she was bound and determined to make it happen.
(This is not uncommon.  The child will try to CAUSE the parent to reject them, and hurry up the process because the rejection is so painful.  They think there is no hope, so it is time to just get the relationship over with.)
Once again I tried to use LOGIC! "Of course we are not sending you away!"  She was NOT being logical or making sense, so LOGIC did not work.  Even though we KNOW this and even SHARE IT, it is sometimes hard to remember.  (another DUH moment brought to you by Christie)

We finally got through to her after she exhausted herself,  and we even watched a movie.

 But in the a.m. it started all over again.
Miss Alli did get up, but then it was time to start school.....   She said, "You are going to MAKE me have a bad day aren't you!" 
"Ummm.... no.  Let's get our work out please. "  Once again, I was being logical. I was ALSO NOT RECOGNIZING there was no way she was going to be able to function with math and language when her window of tolerance was barely open.  So I "logically", 1/2'd her work....... when what
we SHOULD have done, was started with art... but no, I was brain dead.
I was also not recognizing that she was looking through the lens of PTSD, not her normal self.

Things escalated just like the day before and I made a call to our Social Worker.  I am so glad she called me right back!  She was VERY helpful!  She said, "change the scenery"........ DUH once again!    Of COURSE that is what we needed to do! 
It is VERY important to have others in our lives who can help us, because we CAN  forget in the moment.  Just like our children, when we feel emotional or sad or anxious, we can't think as clearly.
Our social worker Kathi Turner is AWESOME.  She is supportive and full of fun and energy.  She even gave me a story about her dogs (we both laughed) she is trying to train.  (they are rescue dogs)
And how her tone of voice caused one to attack the other. And she instantly knew it could have been prevented.

Sometimes, when a child is stuck in PTSD mode or RAD mode, the best thing you can do is change scenery.  Now Miss Alli was in the laundry room  behind the big laundry basket.  I was able to coax her out by using a different tone of voice, catching her interest and getting her into the car.
She demanded to know where we were going.  I know she was afraid I was taking her away.  I told her she would like where we were going, but I would not tell her until she was safely in the car. 
She got in the car and the look on her face was terrified. 

It was then I said, we are going to go to the park for a walk.  We didn't get 100 yards down the road and she burst into sobs of relief and sorrow, guilt and shame, and many apologies.   
"I don't know why I do this!  I just destroy relationships!"    I reassured her that we are not destroyed.
We love her and we will always be here.  But when she pulls away from us, and feels alone, it isn't us that has left, it is her, and she needs to face that AND change it!  ( this is when we can use logic and instruction..... when they are CALM and LISTENING)

How can she make the changes she needs to?   One step at a time. :)  Baby steps to healing.....

Using this technique has worked many times in our children's lives.  It seems odd that you would go for a walk or seemingly "reward" a behavior that is unwanted, but this was not just an unwanted behavior.  It is ALSO unwanted by Alli.  She does not like it.  She just couldn't see a path to get out of it, so I provided the path FOR HER.    There are times when the girls do things they shouldn't and are corrected in a very normal way.  "That was not ok.  We don't do that because.... or You need to come inside now because ...."    

The difference  in dealing with a behavior driven by fear and not just childish irresponsibility,  is huge.   If, we try to treat a fear based behavior like pure disobedience or irresponsibility,  the fear will grow bigger and even be substantiated in thier mind. 

What happened could have been prevented, had I been  paying close attention. 
Sometimes it is hard when you so much want to do something as in the book fair and chess tournament,  Olivia's baptism and  going out on Mother's Day.  We thought that everything would work out.   I took the chance and I was wrong.    And it cost us all.     I felt mad at myself for not being more careful.  

By the end of the day, Alli and Sarah were sitting in the wheel barrow together with sketch books in hand, creating nature pictures..... :)  Everything was calm , and all just seemed right with the world. :)

We are parents by choice, and a family by choice.  It is our honor to do what we do and we love it. We learn from our own failures.  Those failures bring us face to face with our own issues, helping us to recognize where WE need to make tweaks and changes in order to help our children to grow.  Being a parent, whether your child is adopted or not, is difficult and joyous at the same time.  It is CERTAINLY a life changer.   And one of the biggest benefits of parenting, is that it causes us to press into Christ all the more, who is our source of life and strength for each and every day.

 I want to mention my other girls.  They are so amazing and loving.  While I was holding Alli, Sarah came over and said, "Mama, it is time to pray.... you too Alli!" :)  (and we did pause and pray)
 That's my Sarah; and that's my Alli. :)

The Princess and the Prosthesis

We had a very early appointment at Texas Scottish Rite Hospital so Erika could pick up her new legs.  They are a lot different than the ones before and will take some getting used to.  There were a few bugs to work out, but I think she will like them.

We started out with Robert coming to say hello....

 GO TO COLLEGE! Was the message this a.m.  :)

Then we started the final fitting..... "The Princes and the Prosthesis" is what we deemed her today. :)

There were a few "kinks" to work out. :)
 Anna came along for the Appointment:

She took them for a test run:

And then we headed back home:

We had a good time and then headed back to the hacienda for SCHOOL! :)

Olivia Grace Minich

Our youngest grand daughter was baptized today.  Marcus picked out her gown as soon as he found out that he and Ivy were having a girl! LOL  And today, she got to wear it.  What a special time...... 
 Olivia and Papau: Pink bib worn before in case of unplanned vomiting. :)

 Ya Ya and Olivia

 Marcus

 The Adorables:  Marcus, Ivy William, Charlie and Olivia

 A little tired of pictures. :)

Now, our video camera TURNED OFF right at the time he was going to baptize her! But I love how they do this.  It was very special. :)

The Book Fair

 Ready to go! :)

This weekend we attended the Arlington Home School Book Fair.  It was WONDERFUL. 
I have attended this book fair for almost 2 decades and every year it just blesses me.  It just makes me want to get all those books out and study!  (ME....only however....  the girls are ready for summer to start.) :)
We found some really great mystery books that Sarah has been dying to read.  We found a collection of Charles Dicken's stories with color pictures and written in a younger grade level for Miss Alli to enjoy. (Thank you Usborne books!) 
We found our geography to dig into, and we listened to speakers.  
It is so worth going. 
And as always, we see friends every year that many times we only see at the Book Fair.  :)  We catch up on the year's news and enjoy a couple of days meeting once again, until the next year.

This year was especially special, because  my daughter in law Emily, from "God's Mercy Displayed" ( on my side bar)  was there to find curriculum for the boys. :)
It was so fun looking with her.  

We enjoyed hearing Sally Clarkson from "Whole Heart Ministries" speak.  Sally has authored several books on motherhood and home education, and she has a wonderful blog ( also on my sidebar) called "I Take Joy".  Her husband Clay has a book coming out very soon that I am looking forward to buying. :)   It is called "Heartfelt Discipline"...... He took it off the market a few years ago to rework it.  I can't wait for the new and improved version. :)

There was also a Dinosaur Bone Exhibit.  I enjoyed looking at just how large some of these animals were. WOW!

 

 This kind of cracked me up......  (maybe she couldn't read yet) LOL

And FINALLY, there was the chess tournament.  Erika and Sarah entered the tournament this year with 38 other children.  They had a blast playing for fun and then the tournament.   Erika received "Honorable Mention" and Sarah received "Special Recognition".   
Erika was given a Knight, key chain and Sarah a Queen key chain. :)

While Sarah and Erika played chess, Alli drooled over the art supplies at the Miller Pad company booth.  I think she spent SEVERAL hours over there just looking over all the possibilities.  She finally purchased a "Stained Glass" coloring book.  It is really neat. 

And Miss Anna?  Well, she stayed home this year.  She had some other plans, like writing, practicing guitar and playing with the cats. :) 

Daddy was home with Anna, as he had cars to work on. 

Right before we left, we took a picture with Ranger Stadium in the background.  (Boy were they ever busy this weekend!)

All in all, it was a really great weekend. :)

Guess Who Got Up on Skis!

Miss Anna! That is Who!
She tried it at the end of the last ski season, and didn't get up.   But this year, she was READY!

So proud of her!

Putting Off and Putting On

In our morning devotions we are studying Colossians.  Today we covered chapter 3.  It was an obvious "overview" because it is so full of rich, wonderful, theology.  As we were reading, we had to stop every couple of verses and just discuss the richness of the text.

As we were reading  the wording " PUT OFF" and "PUT ON" ,  a picture came into my mind of clothing.  We put on clothing and take it off.  I thought that maybe the girls would remember our devotion better with a little art project.  :)

Today, we are making clothing closets.  The clothing in the closets  will be the things we should "Put On".  They will be labeled with love, patience, kindness, humility, meekness, forgiveness, etc.
Then, we will have "bad will" bags.... (can't be good will, because we shouldn't give bad things to good will :)  )    In those bags we will put the things we are to "put off"; the things we no longer wear ....  sexual immorality, impurity, passion (out of control emotions) evil desire, covetousness, idolatry, hatred, anger, wrath, malice, obscene speech, etc.

I talked to the girls about how we have a "Spiritual Closet" full of things to choose from each day when we wake up.  We can choose to put on anger, or we can choose to put on kindness.  But putting on anger is like putting on a Parka on a summer day.  It just doesn't fit into life very well. It is uncomfortable.
To put on lying is like wearing a swim suit on a winter day!  It exposes us!

But to put on kindness and compassion is like wearing a warm sweater and sitting by a comfy fire on a cold winters day.  It warms our hearts and brings us joy.  To put on LOVE is to freely glide through the water in our swim wear, feeling the cool water splash over us on a warm summer's day.

Some of us change our "spiritual clothes" several times a day.  Me included.  It is time to clean out our "spiritual closets" and get rid of the things we should not put on.  They are out of season!  Some things are NEVER in season. :)

Each day,  we need to choose to put on the things that bring us closer to Christ, and purposefully turn away from the things that don't.   We need to work heartily, as unto the Lord in ALL that we do, because it is from the LORD that we receive our inheritance and reward.   

What a blessing it was to be encouraged this morning by sweet girls intently listening and taking to heart our devotion. 

So the Art project has ensued. :)   And we have a couple of VERY EXCITED girls who just adore art.  And they are working on those projects as unto the Lord.  :)

What will you choose to put on today?

Added:  Here  are some photos of the girl's closets.
 

 Anna's closet

 The unwanted clothing

 Alli's are labeled but you can't see the labels. She has a pull out drawer for getting rid of the unwanted wardrobe. :)

 This is Sarah's   She designed all her clothers and labeled them.  (the big dress says compassion at the bottom.  Each dress was labeled.