Today Is Becca's Birthday

Happy Birthday dear Becca.

Becca is one of the most beautiful people I know, both inside and out. She is the loving wife of our 3rd son Joe. She is the loving and dedicated mom to our Grandson Sam. (who will be 1 at the end of this month)

I am so glad that Becca is in our lives. The first time we met Becca face to face was when Joseph was still in college. The two of them had been conversing over the years and were dear friends.

Then.... She came for Thanksgiving. Wow! What a week. She and Joe went from teenage friends to adult friends with futures in mind all in one week! By the end of that visit, they were talking marriage! They had their first date that week and Joe took her to Down Town Dallas by train. (so his driving wouldn't scare her to death) He even got off on the wrong exit and left her on the train. Somehow, they found each other on the tracks, and it was full steam ahead after that. LOL

She has been such a delight to our family and we love it when they come to visit us from Maryland.

Happy Birthday dear Becca. :)

Tim's Birthday

Tim's birthday was yesterday. February 15, 1981 at 6:00 in the morning. Tim is our delight and our favorite #2 son. :) He has grown up so much and is a MAN. Wow, all our guys are "MEN". I'm so proud of him. He is a good son,brother,husband and uncle. Most importantly, he loves and trusts the Lord with his whole heart.
Happy Birthday dear, favorite #2 son. :)

Happy Valentine's Day

It is another Valentine's Day. Love is in the Air, along with the smell of Chocolates and Steak. :)

We are having our Annual Valentine's Dinner tonight. Every year we invite a different couple and have a steak dinner, with table cloth, low lights, nice dishes, etc. We don't go anywhere, we do it at home, while the kids have a pizza party in the other room. The kid rule is: Don't disturb the dinner guests. They get to stay up late and watch a movie and eat Pizza.

Today, we are making some fun things in school, all Valentine Related. Word search, story, color pages, and the All important Valentine.

Mike was surprised by a card this a.m. (I can never wait) Inside, Sony and Cher singing
"I Got You BABE"! Ahhh. too fun.

Erika's Surprise

This morning Erika was up when we thought she was still getting her normal beauty sleep. I heard a few little bangs in the room but didn't think anything about it.
When she wakes in the a.m. she always calls for us to come and get her.
This a.m. however was different.

Bouncy Sarah came running into the kitchen to tell us that Erika was UP and DRESSED!
What?

So we went to investigate. Sure enough, she pushed past her fear and became brave. She stood without her legs on and got her clothing from her drawer and dressed herself.

This is HUGE. As she learns to get more proficient at it, it will free her up to get around when she doesn't have on her feet. So in the middle of the night if she needs to use the toilet, she will be able to go without calling for us to carry her.

What a great surprise.

Spud Night At Awana

Tonight was bring a Spud night. Here is what the girls came up with.

Joseph's Birthday

Tomorrow, will be Joseph's Birthday. He is our FAVORITE NUMBER 3 Son! I remember when the boys were young I used to tell them... You are my favorite #2, #1,#4 or #3 son, depending upon whom I was talking to.

I remember Joe being a baby just like it was yesterday. Where did all that time go?
Now Joe is a father himself!

When Joe was little, he was just a big bundle of energy. He was what today would be called ADHD, with some attitude added to that!

The Lord used him in my life to keep me on my knees in prayer and in the Word, searching for ways to reach that stubborn yet tender little heart of his.

Joe went to bed with a glazed over exhausted look on his face that was saying "I MUST PLAY" "I MUST PLAY" "I MUST PLAY".
And he played with his whole heart, his whole body, his whole soul. And when something went wrong, he mourned with his whole heart, his whole body and his whole soul.

Maybe Joe is why I'm so exhausted to this day. :)

Well, I was so worried when he was 3 that he'd be one of those kids who went to prison OR he'd be the Apostle Paul. I knew there would be nothing in between for him.

At 10 his goal was to learn every guitar cord in the history of guitars and at 12, he started to look at theology very closely.
He started reading RC Sproul and all about "forensic justification".

And now, he is in Seminary. (reformed theological seminary) He is married to his wonderful wife Becca, whom he met in an RC Sproul Chat Room where NEITHER was supposed to be, but my guess is they were the only 13 yo's in there. :)

So, happy birthday to my wonderful, favorite #3, energetic, ADHD with attitude, non prisoner, Apostle Paul lovin',wife lovin', baby lovin', seminary lovin', Jesus Lovin' Son.

When It Comes To Adoption....

How old is too old? I'm speaking of parents here not children. A child is never too old to be adopted, though some misinformed believe that to be true. I think some of this stems from a well respected man called James Dobson. I remember him saying children learn most of their values by the age of 5. (don't quote me on that exactly)
Meaning, by 5, a child is pretty set.

I say a big Respectful BOLOGNA!

Parents are much more set in their ways and need to relearn many things as each child is born or comes into the family to help mold and shape us into what the Father wants us to be. :)

So how old is too old? I believe in the United States, you can adopt until the age of 63. In Ukraine, there is no age right now.(they were looking at no more than a 40 year age difference. Meaning if you are 45 you could not adopt a child under 5.) Different countries have different views.

So do you have bedrooms just sitting there? Kids gone or in college? You are in your 40's or 50's? Don't you have fond memories of those earlier parenting years?
Why not open your heart and home to a child who will most likely wind up on the street?

For those who think it is too late for an older child, think about how our Heavenly Father looks at us? Are we too old for him to reach? Are we too old for him to change? If he can reach down and change the heart of a 50 year old alcoholic, is His arm to short to reach down and change the heart of a 5 year old, or a 15 year old?

We are to work until HE comes. Consider how you might fulfill that job, and fill up those spare bedrooms!

(the above photo is of a few teenage orphans in Kharkov Ukraine, in about 2 to 3 years, these girls will be sent out onto the streets and probably face a life of prostitution, drug abuse, or worse)
They look like the girls down the street, and they could be at home sleeping in one of those "spare" bedrooms. :)

All About Losing

I have been keeping up with a couple of blogs, and the issue of loss and losing has been coming up. We are almost 2 years down the Road with Erika, and 3 with Sarah, 4 with Anna. Yet, the issue of loss is always there. YES there are gains, but there are also losses. Every birthday, they are reminded that they lost a birth mother. Every Christmas, they are reminded that there are people out there probably celebrating Christmas without them.
The issues aren't necessarily on the "front burner" of their minds or even mine, we love birthdays and Christmas, but they are there.

I was thinking about what our children "lose" when they become our children. They lose EVERYTHING. Even their underwear. They take NOTHING with them. Then, those little fragile lives are placed into the hands of complete strangers and they get on a train, then a plane, then in a car, and these are traumatic experiences for them. They go off into the unfamiliar, unkown armed many times with misinformation like, "your new parents will beat you, sell you, they are going to take body parts from you" etc.

So not only are they stripped of their dignity, they are armed with fear.

These experiences are so related to our spiritual walk.

Aren't we ALL sick, and naked and fearful and imprisoned and many times don't know it? And here comes our Lord in to rescue us from the pits of despair, and many times because of misinformation, we respond in fear, and we follow kicking and screaming into LIFE because we don't know what it is like to really be alive, we are so used to the familiar.
And just like the orphaned child, grieves his loss and is then able to embrace his gain; we realize, WOW! We have a REAL LIFE I can really trust my Lord. I WANT to hold His hand. I WANT to sit at His feet. I Want Him to love me. I am FULL of Joy unspeakable. This is real LIFE. It is incomprehensible that we would have wanted to stay in our sin.

Our losses become GAIN. It's the process that hurts. But on the other side, we become thankful for the breaking process we go through, as it helps us to understand the joy.

As adoptive parents, it is our ministry to our children to guide them, to lead them to life and to love them through the process, eventually introducing them to yet another hand to Hold. That of our Heavenly Father. What they will come to realize is that He was holding their hand the whole time.

I Changed My Template

It was just a little too pink. :)

More Pictures of the Day

The girls had a great day! Tonight, Daddy and his friend are installing shelves along the border of the girlies room. Pictures to come. :)

Ever Hear Of Twisted Sister?

Our neighbor gave the girlies a game called Twister. I was concerned that Erika wouldn't be able to enjoy it. NOT! I forgot, she LOVES to tell her sisters what to do! It is the perfect game! :)

How Do You Know?

Today the question came up, "How do you know when the baby is born if it is a boy or a girl?" I honestly thought we had this covered last year, but apparently my scientific gardening lesson of planting seeds went way over the heads of my students!

Anna piped up and said, "Girls have hair and boys are bald!" Daddy said, "girls have bows and boys don't, bye, I'm going back out to work!" thanks Daddy.:P

I said, "Remember what the billy goat and ram looked like?" Erika said, "that thing?"
Yes. That thing. Girls don't have one, and boys do. Hmmmm. Sarah was mysteriously cleaning the floor and didn't dare get involved in this conversation. :)

Next time, I'll leave Daddy with them and say, "I have to go shopping".

The Mrs. Potato Heads

You Smell Like Ukraine!

This is what Erika said to me this afternoon after I had put on some much needed Oil of Olay. The last time I used Oil of Olay, was in Ukraine! It is so funny how our brains remember smells, seasons, how something felt...
Sarah did something very similar when I pulled out my flannel nightgown that I had not used since we were in Ukraine. She smelled it and it still had a faint scent from the laundry softener used there. She said, "oh mama, this smells like Ukraine." You know, she was right! I smelled it, and it put me right back into our little Apartment in Kharkiv.
But... these are pleasant memories. What if the memory of something we smell or feel, or a certain season evokes a bad memory and causes us pain.
Many times with our children who have had unspeakable torment in thier young lives, this is exactly the case.

I remember hearing such a sweet song, actually so sweet that I have it on my blog to listen to. At one time, it wasn't so sweet. I called 5 year old Anna into our room to hear it and let her press the button. When the song started she got a huge look of fear on her face and said, "I know that song". Then she started to cry and squirm and wanted it turned off NOW! wow.... how could such an innocent song bring such torment to a child? I don't know. But it did.
For the other girls there have been things that have caused them distressing memories.
Seasons for Sarah, and darkness for Erika; a sense of being alone.

How do we get through the tangled mess of distorted memories, tormented pasts, and seasons, songs, smells, familiar looking people?

I don't think we can without the help of the Lord. He is our shelter and our peace, a comfort to us in a time of trouble. If we teach them to run to the Cross when they are frightened, to turn to the Lord for help, to run to mom and dad who will comfort and pray with them when they need stability then these "giants" of our past don't seem to be so big.

Thankfully today, our Anna can listen to that cute little song and likes it.
Sarah isn't as tormented by the season which upset her so much. Erika isn't as
afraid of the dark as she used to be. (still working on it)

Thanks be to the Lord who comforts us and takes away all our fears.

The Weekend

We had a huge weekend. It is Monday a.m. and I think it is still going on. One of the fallouts from loads of activity, is the house work gets left in the dust. So, instead of doing language arts right now, we are cleaning a bedroom. Instead of spelling, we are sorting laundry and instead of writing, we are cleaning ashes out of the fire place.
Will we catch up? Yes. We will. But there is nothing worse than trying to do school in a mess.

Now that that confession is off of my mind....
Friday morning Mike started volunteering at Scottish Rite Hospital. Right now he is in the Radiology department. He really enjoyed it and I'm so glad he is doing it. Friday night we had Timothy, Emily and Kenny over for Friday night pizza. The girls made gifts for Mike's birthday and I got him a gift or two too! His Birthday was actually Saturday, ground hogs day. After a full day, we headed off to ministry group and had a great time of fellowship. We met up with our new out of town friends David, Julie and Daniel, who have just moved here from Atlanta. After a late night, we crashed and got up early for Church. After church, we moved on to having lunch at the favorite Wylie BBQ joint,where kids eat for free, and then headed home for a couple of hours. Then it was off to the Verkler's for a football party. I still couldn't tell who was playing, but from the screaming and cheering from the other room, there was "the most incredible play ever in the history of the game." Something about a guy catching the football in the inzone with his hand and the ball held against his helmet.

Some of us girls were in the Verkler dining area having a pretty intense discussion.
I have much to think about and ponder.

But on a lighter note: here are a few pictures of the girlies getting around the house without legs and feet.

Sarah and Her Daddy

Yesterday I caught this sweet picture of Mike and Sarah. Sarah woke up and couldn't find her leg. "I can't find my leg!" was the first thing we heard in the morning.

Anna went and found it for her while Sarah and Daddy were cuddling on the couch. Here is her reunion with her leg. :)

Three Aunts and a Niece

The girls had a lot of fun with a recent visit from Katie :)

Some Things Just Can't Be Fixed

I was thinking today about a conversation I had with a dear couple at our church.
They asked about Erika, and how she was doing. They noticed that she is not sitting that much better than she was before the huge surgery. I had such high hopes that the surgery would cause her to sit better and cause her to walk better. While she is bending a little more, and sitting a little better, it didn't accomplish what I had hoped for in my heart. I had this grandious idea that she would be sitting like me, and bending like me and that her leg would be turned more. The surgery did some important things, like reconstructing the hip socket helps to keep her hip in place instead of going out, but it didn't do much for the onlooker who would be looking for a bigger change.

I have known all along that much of what is going on with Erika's body cannot be fixed this side of eternity, short of a miracle that is. There are those times when I think about it, and mourn for her losses; especially her loss of freedom to completely be independent. And yet there is this part of me that trusts. Trusts the Lord that HE is in complete control of Erika's body and in her future. Who am I to question the creator? Maybe it is meant for another person in her future to be blessed by becoming her caretaker/aide. And I guarantee, it WOULD be a blessing for them. She is the sweetest, kindest, gentlest child. I am so proud of her, and happy for the progress we have made together. I love caring for her. I pray for the person who will come after me and Mike, when we are gone, and she is living her own life, be that person her husband, or her friend.
So when my heart hurts, like right now, I know where to go for comfort. To my Lord.
He already knows.

The East Coast Minichs

I just had to put these pictures up of Joe Becca and Sam.
I asked the older kids if I could get some new pictures of them, and this is what Becca sent.
I am so proud of these two. They are plodding along and doing so great. They are loving and sweet parents, and a mom couldn't be prouder.

More Reflections

When I was a young girl, I remember listening to our Sunday School teacher ask us, "Don't you just wish the Lord would return today?"

Now here I was a 14 year old professed believer, and in my heart I was thinking NO. I haven't gotten married yet? I've never kissed a boy! And.... we are going to Disney
Land in just 2 more weeks!

I was obviously thinking as a child. I shared with my Sunday School teacher my concerns and he so sweetly did not laugh at me.

Looking back on my youthful foolishness is sometimes humorous and sometimes sad. My focus on me. A selfish teenager.

C.S. Lewis once said, "Pain is the megaphone to rouse a deaf world". If that is true, which I believe that many times it is, God must have thought I was stone cold deaf!

But looking back, I am thankful for that chisel of pain the master has used in my life to shape me into his image. I am certainly not "there" yet, but I no longer long for the things of this world, as I did when I was a teen. Do I have my eyes completely fixed upon my savior? Sadly,no. I get distracted by the ways of this world, daily life, business, fear, taxes, and then......
there is that gentle intervention; HE calls me......
"I AM HERE!" "I AM".

He brings me to my knees. He causes me to remember, who I really am, why I am really here. I am not my own. I am not here for me.

I came across another Kelly Willard Song and thought the words were so appropriate:
This is my prayer today:

BEAUTIFUL JESUS

Wounds that bled for my forgiveness
Infinite Love, Beautiful Jesus

Precious fragrance Smile of Mercy
Intimate friend, Beautiful Jesus

Now I see Through a darkened window
But one day soon
All will be revealed, And I'll finally behold my groom

Dancing eyes are piercing through me
Melting my soul, beautiful Jesus
Opening my heart so gently Merciful touch
Beautiful Jesus

Now I know Only glimpses of a perfect face
And a greater loveliness than my searching heart has
ever known

Beautiful wonderful lovely are you
Rose of Sharon Rose of Sharon
you are the Rose of Sharon

(and I would add)
And a greater loveliness than my searching heart has ever known.

The Folks Who Pass Through Our Lives

I was just thinking about how neat it is that we have had so many folks just pass through our lives. They touch us in many ways and we are richer to know them.
Relationships are like pieces of tissue paper that has once been glued together. When torn apart, they leave fibers of each color on the other piece. That is so much how it is with friends and fellow journeyers.

It might be one little thing they said, a comment that is memorable, or a smile that is etched in memory. Those fibers of life are forever woven into the fabric of our spirit.

We have many friends who are moving on, some to other countries as their stay here in America has come to an end, some have moved to different geographical areas and some have moved on eternally.

It reminds me that every moment that I spend with another on this path we call life is a fabric that will be placed into the life of another. I want that fabric to be of heavenly quality, fit for a Child of the King.

The Body of Christ is such a treasure, and I am so thankful to have been touched by so many wonderful lives.

Humility vs. Humiliation

When we talk about being humbled, there is a big difference between being "humbled" and being "humiliated". One denotes positive spiritual awareness, where a person is humbled before the Lord, made aware of sin, and then there is a repentance.

Humiliation on the other hand, is demeaning, exposing, damaging. When a person is humiliated, sin may be exposed, but not in a loving manner. More in an accusatory manner.
Satan Humiliates
The Lord Humbles

Satan Accuses

The Lord Guides.
He is not on the opposite side pointing the finger. On the other hand he is reaching out , to guide us on the path.
It is so important with our children to be that guiding light that places their hand into the reaching hand of the Lord. Especially in times when they need that humbling presence.

This a.m. our Anna had one of those moments. She was being rather snotty. I had her come and sit by me for a while and she did, but with that "I don't care attitude" that can push those "oh so active buttons" on a mom.

I took her over to the computer and played Kelly Willard's newest song "Humbe Me".
I didn't say anything, but she joined in with singing the song.
The words are:

Humble Me, Humble Me
Take my life, let it be
Pleasing only Lord to thee
Humble Me

I am proud, I am hard,
Lord my heart is torn and scarred
Lay your hand upon my life
And Humble me.

Humble me
When you see me swiftly straying
Draw me near that I may hear
Your Spirit saying
Come to me, Come to me
For I long to see you free
I know your heart
I love you still
So come to Me
(words and music by Kelly Willard)

After we finished singing, there were little tears coming from my precious
Anna. She whispered, "I prayed mom."

Isn't the Lord just so tender~ and sweet!

Parenting

I have been thinking over and over how the last 30 years have changed our lives. Raising 4 boys, to Empty nesters, to raising 3 little girls. They didn't come the usual way, or maybe they did?
(kicking and screaming) Just larger. :)

I always say, we got our girls "potty trained and talking back". :)

There is much to be said about being parents on how to "change" or "tame" the wild beast of a child. But little is said about what really needs to happen and how God in his infinite wisdom, KNEW, that while we THINK we are teaching them, they are really teaching us.

They are teaching us how to use self control, they teach us how to ask nicely, they teach us how to love unconditionally, they teach us that we really don't have it all together, even if there is 1 child or 10 children.

The most important thing they teach us is to be on our knees in prayer for them and for ourselves, asking for wisdom from above, as the responsibility is huge and time is not slowing down.

Many years ago, I would read all about "this is what you do to make your child mind".
I didn't like the books I read, and tossed them for the scripture itself. I found the answers to my deepest concerns, and wisdom for my older children. Much change took place in my life in regards to parenting.

Now,I am more comfortable as I look inwardly and ask myself, "if my child is not obeying like I would like to see, with the right ATTITUDE, what have I been doing to come along side, guide her to the next step and help her to see what she should be doing? Am I being the example I should be? Or.. am I modeling what I am seeing in her?

This type of parenting has opened up a whole world of exploration and experience that is freeing and wonderful. Seeing the responses of those little girls, those eyes that look at you so lovingly and trusting, the pleasure of obedience. And.... it isn't law oriented, it is love oriented, it isn't law driven, it is love driven.
And it is a journey in life that we walk together. Mike and I as the teachers, and authorities in their lives, but always seeing that we too are being taught and under the authority of Christ. Oh my, how that perspective changes you, humbles you, brings you closer in your walk with the Lord.....

Are things perfect? No. Because WE are not perfect. But there is such joy in the journey.

Our Journey Update

We have been having such a great time with our girls, and it is hard to beleive that in just a little over 4 months, it will have been 2 years since Erika joined our family.

I was thinking about that as she was playing a fast game of backgammon with dad before breakfast this a.m. She proudly said that she had made my bed, and also wanted to go out to the shoppe for dad's thermos to fill it with hot coffee for him. She needed to get on a coat and the only one out was the one she handed down to Sarah. YES! Handed down! We had brought this coat with us to Ukraine for her to wear and it fit her nicely. Now, she tried it on and the sleeves were half way up her forearms and the bottom was up to her upper hips! She started to laugh! Look at this, I'm a woman!
I've grown into a woman! :)

Oh my she has grown in so many different ways, spiritually, emotionally, physically, intellectually....

For those of you just glimpsing at this blog, our entire journey to Ukraine is in the archives. Our very first post. It is a collection of emails sent to family while we were gone and until we came home.

I can't believe this beautiful, sweet girl, who was doomed to spend the rest of her life in a mental institution has become our precious joyful sweet daughter. Such a gift from the Lord to two very undeserving parents. This experience has been the embodiment of grace.

Set On Fire

So many great things have happened in the last week in my heart. I was a little discouraged during the Christmas Holiday time. Though I was having fun and enjoying the season, there was this continual tug on my heart to remember, remember, remember.

Remember where your heart truly is. While we haven't forgotten, it seems too out of reach and far away, and yet at our age, We should know better. After all, adopting children, going to Ukraine to get one, seemed "too out of reach and far away". But we serve a mighty God, full of ways and means to get things to happen. And it usually starts with just a dim spark. Sometimes that spark turns into an ember buried in ash, nobody knows it is there....

Our spark has been buried in the ash of general life, work, business, laundry, the pursuit of orderliness, cleanliness, books, Dr. appt's., grand kids, and that doesn't even touch the surface of distraction. It is embarrassing how long the list can be.

But that burning ember, is there. It still calls and we know that we can rest that in God's time, things will happen. But that doesn't take the responsibility away of getting ready and being prepared.

It seems that this year we have gone the other direction. Sort of like trying to go on a diet and gaining weight instead, and then realizing once again, that the diet has to start now, and we're just that much further away from the goal.

So, we can cry and complain about how awful we are and how things will never happen, or we can get on our knees and repent and begin the process of working towards the Mark that God has placed in our hearts, partnering with the creator on HIS WILL.

I think we'll choose the latter.

Organization is NOT the Enemy

Sometimes it seems that "getting organized" is on my list of "things to do". Will it ever happen? How do some people just seem to be able to have everything in its right place and everything actually HAS a place?

This is my own personal cross to bear. My FLAW that wakes me in the night. Is it possible I am missing the organization gene? That is it! I am not responsible for my flighty filing, for my endless search for lost items! I'm missing a very important gene!

Somehow, I'm not convinced of this.

Structure and Self Discipline can seem so "uncreative" at times, but when not practiced to excess, leaving room for creativity, I think it helps one be MORE creative and actually can give a person MORE free time for less "stressful" activites than looking for lost keys 10 seconds before leaving the house.

I am forever greatful for Mike encouraging me to strive to do better in this area. Mabye by the time this year ends, I will have had a successfully organized paperwork year.

And that will make BOTH of us happy. :)

Great News!!!!!

One of the little guys who was in the Orphanage with Erika and Sarah and is featured in one of the videos below has found a FOREVER FAMILY!!! Praise the LORD! I am so excited for Misha and his brothers! A wonderful family somewhere in the USA has adopted the boys. They will be picking them up from Ukraine sometime next week. Praise the Lord for answered prayers. Praise the Lord for a family willing to answer the Call.

Praise the Lord!!!!

The New Year Is Upon Us!

Yikes..
How does it happen so fast. It seems that I just get used to writing down the new date, 2007, and starting tomorrow, I have to start writing 2008! How is it that as we get older, time does seem to go faster?
Now I know there is a mathematical solution for this that makes perfect sense, but it definitely gives me a sense of being, well, OLD. :)

But this isn't about being old, it is about the New Year!
I actually Love New Years. Everything has a chance to start over. Not that you can't make changes in the middle of the year, as we all do, but there is something that is refreshing about starting fresh with the new year.

So this year, has been BUSY. We have had surgeries, new legs delivered, dr's. appt's. visits with friends,visits with family, travel to AZ, we have had our share of tragedy and our share of triumph.
There has been the tragedy of death in our family, and there has been the welcoming of new life.
We have seen the girlies grow both physically and emotionally, and even in their setbacks, they are moving full steam ahead; turning into beautiful young ladies.

We are so very thankful to the Lord for the lives he has given us. Our lives are fulfilled in serving Christ. We are not without problems, and we are thankful for those problems. They keep us on our knees. Without tragedy, we wouldn't know triumph. Without sorrow, we wouldn't appreciate joy. And it is such a part of life, the life that God has chosen for us to live.

As we prepare to be ushered into the New Year, we have no guarantees, we have no assurances that we will live this entire year in success and happiness. However, we do not enter this year in a spirit of fear. Because what we DO have, is the assurance and guarantee of a Savior, Christ the Lord, who will hold our hand and walk us through all of the unknown. Unknown to us, but certainly not unknown to Him. He will continue to break us and mold and shape us and cause us to cleave to him.

And someday, a day we look forward to, we will not have to worry about how to write the newest year in our check book, because we will just need to remember "eternity".
There will be no weeping, no sorrow or sadness or pain. There will only be Life in Christ.

Merry Christmas

I would like to wish all of my family near and far a SUPER VERY MERRY CHRISTMAS!
We are so going to miss those who cannot be near especially Joe, Becca and Sam. Our hearts ache that we can't be together, but we know we shall see you soon.

PICTURES PICTURES PICTURES are needed. :)

We love you so very much.

Merry Christmas

My Fair Lady

Sarah watched "My Fair Lady" this weekend. She loved the movie. It amazes me how much she catches onto for such a young girl. (the other 2 girls lost interest and went to play in their room, Dad was asleep, and I was sort of napping, so she was watching it alone.) Well, we were at the part of the movie where the man sings "I'm Getting Married In the Morning". It is a LONG song and dance routine. After his zillionth verse about "getting married in the morning", "get me to the church on time"........

Sarah blurted out,"FOR PETES SAKE, GET TO THE CHURCH AND GET MARRIED ALREADY!" GOSH!

Cracked me up. :)

Baby Jesus KING OF KINGS AND LORD OF LORDS

I remember teaching Awana a few years back. I was teaching my favorite group, the "Sparkies". It is such a great name for Kindergarten to 2nd grade. They are kind of like little "sparklers", all over the place, but if you aim them in the right direction, they just sparkle and shine.

It was Christmas time, and we were of course talking about "Baby Jesus". We had done and interactive play with Mary, Joseph, the wise men, baby Jesus, donkey's etc.

ALL the kids knew about the shepherds, wise men and baby Jesus.

What surprised me though, was that many did not connect Jesus the Man, the Crucified one, the Lord, the Savior, with Baby Jesus.

"Do You mean that is the SAME guy?"

YES.....

The world LOVES to celebrate His birth. The cute little baby, in the manger, sent as the Savior. "For on this Day in the City of Bethlehem, a Savior is born, Christ the Lord".
But when it comes to him growing up, walking among us, convicting us of our sin, telling us that HE is the Way, The Truth, The Life..... people start dropping off the celebration wagon.

In order to be forgiven of sin,to be saved, we need to recognize that we are sinners in need of salvation!

Jesus was perfect, sinless, and the final and complete sacrifice for sin. Why is the "baby" accepted, in song and celebration, but the Man, disputed, rejected, diminished?

The truth is, This is the WAY God showed his love for us, He sent His only Begotten Son.

That Son, would pay the ultimate price for our sin. Death on a Cross. But it doesn't end at his birth, nor at His death.

GOD RAISED HIM FROM THE DEAD! He is eternal, His name is above ALL names and Every Knee Shall Bow and EVERY tongue confess that Jesus Christ Is LORD~!

Merry Christmas

Do You Ever Feel....

Do you ever feel like Crying?

Yesterday, Tim had his graduation party. It was a wonderful time, and so surreal.
I have been quietly crying for over this week while putting together his slide show, imagining him walking across the stage with cap and gown, shaking the hands of his educators, seeing him beaming smile and cheering loudly from the crowd with my whole being. Tears come and I shake them off as much as I can. They are tears mixed with raw emotion, joy, sorrow, elation, from the past, present and future. Tears that contemplate and celebrate the past and the present. It isn't often that I would admit to tears. I do not feel comfortable with the "woman emotional thing". In my life it has been necessary to keep my tears under wraps and tightly controlled; but if there was ever a time for tears of joy, for unbridled joy, for a celebration of celebrations.....and for loads of tears with a box of kleenix by my side.....
This was it.


you can read a few posts down more about Tim and his graduation. Also-----> over there somewhere is a link to Tim's slide show.

Christmas Mania

There is nothing like kids to get you into the Christmas Mania mood.
I did all my shopping on the computer this year. Avoided the shopping centers and malls and was very disciplined. I plotted and saved and planned and ...... well....

Two days ago, Anna wrote a letter to Santa. She asked for a doll. The rotten little guy wrote back and said EVERYTHING BUT... "I'm bringing you a doll"....but he hinted around like it was true.

Then Sarah wrote and SHE asked for a doll too! "I've always wanted a doll!" WHAT?
She didn't ask ME for a doll! She asked for a dog!

Then Erika, she didn't play around with the english language, she went straight for the jugular. There was no bantering of words like, "Dear Santa, how is Mrs. Claus?" She said straight up, "I want a computer". A COMPUTER!??

Well, the computer was OUT, but dolls? I could work with that. I found myself looking at the American Girls Web site and found the prices Shudderingly scarey. Then I remembered my friend BETH2 from Frua, a voice of reason, talking about dolls from Target. Well, I headed to target and there they were. Beautiful dolls, the kind they wanted on SALE for 19.99!

So, yes, I am a Christmas maniac. I got them the dolls. Erika got a doll too. I hope they love them. Computers will come soon enough.
I loved buying them.

The Kindness of Strangers

Today was one of those days. The kind where you wonder why you woke up in the first place.....

I had to go to the insurance office to give them our premium before we became uninsured homeowners. I brought with me a delicate plate of home made coconut macaroons for an insurance peace offering.

I was about a mile from the office when the van made a wierd noise and then that all too familiar alarm sounded as the van died and drifted off to the curb. Now the last time I heard that sound I was in the middle of nearly nowhere and it overheated and the engine burned into a melted heap of metal. This time, I was pushing buttons to see if it was hot and it wasn't but it was that same unnerving sound.

So, I try to start it again, no go. I call Mike and he tells me to try and start it again. Nope, it won't budge. He calls a tow truck and heads to get me. He arrived at the same time as the tow truck. But inbetween that time I couldn't believe how nice people were. No less than 8 different cars stopped to offer help or assistance to use their cell phone. I was really proud of Dallas Texas.

Learning How To Play

I remember when Anna first came to us, she had no idea how to play and imagine. She did have 2 imaginary friends, "Holly and Sister Nuthin'", which showed she had potential as she had an imagination, but understanding playing with dolls and toys were just beyond her.
We started with playing together, and teaching her how to care for her babies. Over time, she took off. And now, I just walked onto the back porch. She was sitting on her saddle pretending to be "Pa" from "Little House on the Prairie", she had her "catch of food", (stuffed animals) hanging by her saddle and was getting away from wolves to go home for dinner. I walked out a few minutes later and she was making soup from wild leaves. She has been pretending little house with her sisters for a couple of weeks.
It is just ineteresting watching that little imagination become healthy and happy. The only thing she would pretend when she first came to us was that she was going to hit us or put us in time out because we were "bad". Now, she is a nice mommy, and plays a great "PA". She is going to be so excited to get that "Cowboy Outfit" she doesn't know she is getting for Christmas. :)

Christmastime Is Here

Here we are at another Christmas season. I love this time of year. I love the smells, the lights, the activity, watching the crowds, the smiles of strangers, everything is just better in December.

There is banter back and forth on how to celebrate the Holiday. Do you celebrate it as the Birth of Christ or as a Secular cultural Holiday? I have heard persuasive discussions from both camps.

However you choose to celebrate; tree, no tree, gifts, no gifts, religious only, secular only, mixed up and all in between or mixed up and all in betweeen, don't forget that EVERYDAY that we live, is a day to Celebrate Christ our Lord. It is a day for which we should be thankful. Every day is a reminder that Christ did come in the form of a man, emptied himself of His glory and became a serveant unto death. It is a time to reflect upon the baby who came, but also the one who reigns as King of Kings and Lord of Lords. It is a time to remember that this is how God showed His love for us.
That while we were yet sinner's Christ Died for us.

The Ultimate Gift, became the Ultimate Sacrifice to give us Ultimate Life; He is our Life.

When Santa Fell In Love With Joe

When Joseph was 3, I took him to see Santa Clause at the Mall. This Santa was such a cool Santa. He had a REAL long white beard, and long white hair. He had a beautiful red suit and little round gold rimmed glasses. Marcus was not about to see Santa, but Joe was intrigued.
I had never "pushed" the Santa Clause thing on them, but he had seen Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer and had seen the Mall Santa, so we paid a visit. After a long wait in line, Joe got on Santa's lap. With those large Hazel eyes he stared at Santa and talked to him about his cars and just contenly sat on his lap. He never asked for anything for Christmas. He didn't get the concept of "Christmas getting" quite yet.

The large elf woman was asking me about picture packages for 19.95 and I couldn't afford that. I said no picture, he just wants to see Santa. He came out with a look of contentment on his face and didn't say anything. He just seemed happy. A week later, I took the kids back to the mall to see the decorations again. Joe asked to see Santa again. There wasn't a line, so there he was back on Santa's lap. Again, he talked about his cars, but didn't ask for anything. Then again, and then again. Santa smiled when he came to see him the last time. He thought he was such a sweet little guy and commented about how he never asks for anything. He just wants to visit. Santa seemed pleased about that.
They stopped asking to take pictures and understood, Joe just wanted to talk to Santa one more time. Santa let him talk as long as he wanted, and then he went home content. I think Santa still remembers Joe and those sweet hazel eyes staring at him in awe.

What About Santa Clause?

So Was Saint Nicholas a real person?

http://www.stnicholascenter.org/Brix?pageID=38

In Honor To The LORD for our Tim

I don't know if I can get through writing this, but I am compelled.

My Tim, OUR Tim is graduating from College. A mother could not be prouder of ALL of her sons, but Tim.... How can I begin?

When I found out Tim was on the way, it was because of a "threatened miscarriage". I went to the Dr. and found out he was still hanging on for dear life. Well, he hung on as long as possible, and when I was 30 weeks pregnant, he was born. I won't go into the long details of the experience except to say that is was not normal labor and delivery.

Tim breathed on his own, gasping for each breath through underdeveloped lungs for nearly 4 hours before he was rescued by a team from the NICU at Harbor UCLA Medical Center. I took one long lingering look at him as they were taking him away. He curled his little fingers around my finger and gazed back at me so intently for a very sick newborn. I checked out his fingers and toes and full head of black hair. He was the most beautiful baby. And then, he had to go. I couldn't follow until several hours later.
I got there as soon as I could. Of course, my first question was, "Is he going to live?"
The very experienced nurse said, "I can't tell you that, but he is a fighter!"
Those words never rang so true.

He fought for 16 days on a respirator, and on his 16th day, VICTORY! He was breathing with oxygen, ON HIS OWN! I went home triumphant. When we returned that night, the Dr. stopped us saying "Don't let them in here yet, I need to talk to them!" Chills ran through me. I caught a glimpse of him. He was back on the respirator.

The Dr. gave us the grim news, that he had suffered a major brain hemmorage. It was large and to the left side of the brain. As the Dr. went on explaining things, his words were humming somewhere away from me and I was thinking, "Can this be happening?" It was. But it was so surreal. I came back to hear the Dr. once again say that he has given them no indication that he will ever see, hear, speak, sit up, etc. I said, in other words, "He will be a vegetable?" Yes.

The Dr's. told us they wanted to remove him from life support. After numerous tests at our request, he was taken off of life support. He was determined to be brain dead.
My prayer had been, "Lord, if Tim is never going to know he was alive, if he can never Know YOU, then take him, but if you have something to teach me through taking care of him, can I please keep him? But can you make him Know he is loved and make it so he will know you and can worship you?

Well, I didn't know it, but my prayer was answered. We rocked him for a day, and he didn't die. Then they put him back on oxygen and I overheard them say, "this is a devastated baby", meaning,  he can breathe, but nobody is home. I was crushed.

I visited him every day and talked to him and held him. At nearly 3 mos he came home.
I don't exactly remember when, but I went into his room and looked at him and he looked back for the first time and SMILED back at me when I said, "hi Timmy"! OH WOW! That was strange. He started to learn how to suck too, and at 5 mos, was taking a bottle without needed to have a tube put in his tummy to feed. Up to that point, I was tube feeding him several times a day. It took a lot of practice, but he learned.

Before I knew it, he was babbling and starting to bunny crawl, but not sit up.
He was a happy little guy, all chubby and cherubic.

I knew we had a problem when he couldn't sit up and seemed rather stiff. I found out he had a condition called "Cerebral Palsy"; spastic diplegia to be exact.
Not much hope was given.

He had some therapies but not much made a difference. He wanted to walk when his baby brother Joe started walking. In fact he got MAD that Joe was walking and he wasn't. He made it is life project each and every day to do nothing but try to walk, and walk he did! It was just a few steps, but after trying over and over and falling and falling, he was finally able to manage a walk.

He was considered retarded by all the tests, with his first IQ test coming back at around 68. I was again told not to expect too much. I knew better. He was a linguist and was already conversing above his age level. Did he have issues. YES!
Wierd seizures that made him stop talking, bang things, including his brothers, open and close doors... and forget everything he ever learned in his life. But, we got them figured out.

It was time to start school. First he was placed in a Preschool for the Handicapped through the public school system. He came home after 1 week and had a tanrum, and by week 2 was banging his head on the floor! I went to the school and was shocked. The teacher said, "I think he is autistic!" AUTISTIC! NO! He is mimicking his classmates. I pulled him out and he returned to normal.

He went to a regular Kindergarten, and then was placed in a special ed for 1st. They were teaching him to tie shoes, comb hair, things I would teach him at home. I asked them, "What about reading?" It was like I was from mars.

Things continued that way through 4th grade. He was going into 5th grade and still could not read and write, or do any math problems. The teachers told him he couldn't and he believed it. WE DIDN"T BELIEVE IT! We went to his final IEP and 10 professionals stared at us telling us he would never learn to read or write or do math. WHAT? He can find the super secret Mario mushroom! If he can do that, he can read!

Thus began our journey with home education.

Tim tried so very hard and by Christmas was READING. Before school officially started he did 2 years of beginning math! He was focused and ready! Life was back in his eyes. His internal clock was raring to go at 6:00 a.m., and I had to ask if I could have my morning coffee before answering his math question.:)

Tim continued to progress and more importantly grow in his relationship with the Lord.

When he was 18, he so much wanted to graduate. I knew it would benefit him to study just one more year. I asked him to pray about it. He did, and then made a very mature decision. He would study one more year and graduate with his brother Joe.
He grew so much that year academically and emotionally. It was a fun year.

He was still convinced he couldn't do college. Joe and taken a year off to wait for Marcus to graduate, and then they were going to go to school together.

I so much wanted Tim to go too. His brothers got a grand Idea! While Tim was on a missions trip to Russia, they would sign him up for college. When he got home, he had 5 days to take the college entrance test and move into a dorm room with Marc. We told him, "don't think, just GO! I don't care if you take underwater basket weaving, GO!
He took the entrance test and passed it. His first semester was bowling and Russian.

After that, he got the school bug.... then more encouragement, and then.... he met a girl. Emily. She encouraged him even more. And... She married him. :)

Well,day after day, week after week, month after month, semester after semester, Tim went from Jr. College to University of Texas Dallas! Wow, he was a Junior, and then a Senior!
Math class after math class; professors telling him he should give up, not allowing extra time... then there were those who did give extra time and encouragement. But NOBODY gave him a free ride. He did every assignment. He did everything, just like everybody else.

And then, today came. He took his last final. He is done. DONE! It has been 7 years of non stop study. He is done. And December 8, 2007, when he walks across that stage to get his diploma, We will be there, proud mom,proud dad, with a large box of kleenex stashed away. We're gonna need it.
Praise the LORD!

We're so proud of you Tim!

Dear Lord,

I thank you for letting me be Tim's mom. For sending him to me and giving me the honor of raising him. I am so honored and thankful for my dear son. Lord you know what is best for each of us, and all of your gifts are good. You have taught me to embrace sorrow and suffering through Tim, in order to achieve gladness and joy.

Thankyou for my wonderful gift.
Tim's mom

A U Tube Slide Show has been added over there--------> see Tim's Slide Show

Today Was Anna's Birthday

Ahhh. What a nice day. 9 years old is just a fine age to be. Anna woke up to her favorite Oatmeal breakfast, and then hunted the house for presents. She was pleasantly surprised with a coveted Remote Control Tarantula. She loved baking her own cake, and finally having her favorite dinner. She is looking forward to Chuckie Cheese this weekend. Little girls are just the sweetest gifts. So are little boys, but right now, it is a little girl's day. :)

Thanksgiving 2007

What a whirlwind of a trip! We celebrated Thanksgiving in Phoenix with Mike's brother's family and Sister's family, and all thier friends, and more of our extended family. We had a wonderful time, just wish it could have been longer.
When we left Dallas it was about 83. We rushed, all day getting as ready as we could be; my fault for not being ready the day before, which set the pace for the beginning of our trip as "stressed". I should have known better!

Before long, there were little rumblings of bickers coming from the back seat. "She's looking at me!" "Her pillow is touching my pillow!" I was starting to long for the days when putting the kids in the back of a pickup camper was legal. :)

After about an hour and a half, we pulled over and said, "This must stop." We moved one child up front with us, and we kept it that way all the way there and all the way home.
It made for a great time in the car and at while visiting in Phoenix. The kids had a wonderful time and so did we.

It was really neat to meet new people and of course all of the relatives. I loved seeing all the little cousins together and noticed Anna and James seemed to hit it off with their love of reptiles and spiders.

Sarah loved being with Lindsey and little Emily and I think they especially enjoyed playing follow the leader in the Creek.

Erika enjoyed spending time with Katie and Melanie, and playing Backgammon with Grampa.
The biggest treat for Anna was being able to lead a Llama around by a leash and help take care of it.

Ever since her LLAMA experience it has been "when can we get a LLama!" Yikes.... Do they SPIT? I Dunno.

We are home now, I have gotten past the collapsed from exhaustion experience and we are now working on the Christmas tree and planning for the Christmas Holiday.

OOZING THANKFULNESS

Anna- Dear God,I'm thankful for new clothes, ribbon Candy, the new globe, the coloring book, the Elsie Dinsmore Books, reading about Coyotes, memorizing bible verses, having a house, a cat that doesn't meow at Rusty. (the dog next door)I'm thankful for mommy, daddy, Sarah and Erika and animals to love and kiss and give shots and I'm thankful for the cows. Amen

Sarah- Dear God,I'm thankful for my sisters,and I'm thankful for a sister who helps me get my crayons, I'm thankful I have good clothes, sisters who tickle me but don't jerk me, I'm thankful for God's angels and that God helped me, and I'm thankful for my family and home. Amen.

Erika- Dear God, I'm thankful for my family and my sisters. I'm thankful that I have legs. I'm thankful that I have hair. I'm thankful that we get to go to AZ to see Uncle Dave.
I'm thankful my sisters help me and play with me. I'm thankful that I got adopted by a wonderful family. I'm thankful that I have a mother that teaches us. I'm thankful that I have brothers, that God gave me a wonderful life. I'm thankful that God gave me uncles, aunts, father mother and cousins. I'm thankful for a house, food and a bed.
I'm thankful we have animals, and turkeys. I'm thankful for my coloring book, and that I like to read and play basketball. I love my whole family that God has given me. I'm thankful I have a globe. Amen

Well, HE DID IT!

Chuck signed with Capitol Records. He has a contract, WRITTEN and SIGNED! Guaranteed 3 Albums. His song "GEEK" is being played on the Radio and is about to go Nationwide.
It is already being played in several states and on the TV show "Beauty and the Geek."
All those years of guitars, singing in his room, sceaming to make his voice "raspy", weird pedal requests, worries, sacrifices, hard work. He signed. Chuck I'm proud of you. :)
Love, Mom

The Link to the Geek song is over there---------->>>>>>>

Anna and Her Fish

Since Anna lost her sheep to Coyotes, she has had a hard time not having something living to take care of. That ended last night when she purchased her very first Beta Fish. She is so proud of her. She says it is a girl, of course. The fish looked at her and got happy and excited. She insists the fish WANTED to go with her. After careful consideration on each item needed to care for a fish, a report on fish care for daddy, and getting the fish home, she named it Ruby Carole. It is a great name for a red fish. :)

She sat by her during movie time last night and made sure she was ok. This a.m. was fish feeding time. 3 pellets. I think she has found a new love, and coyotes can't get to it.

Funny Sarah

Oh My, she comes up with some zingers.

Today, she was looking at the BBC version of "The Silver Chair". She asked, "Mommy, did you win this movie?" I said, "No, why do you ask?" She said, "because it says 'Award Winning Video' on the box." :)

What Is OUR Purpose in Life Here

I have been pondering this after a few discussions that Mike and I have had. What IS our purpose here? Is it to be happy, have a cool family, live morally, die and go to Heaven? No. It can be so much more.

Don't get me wrong. I LOVE my family. But there is LIFE in Christ, that INCLUDES family and includes ministry and includes work.

Our lives SHOULD reflect and glorify God. Is what we do, here on Earth for ourselves, or is it in honor and love for our Lord Jesus Christ?

Every time I look at an orphanage slide show, there is something down inside that tells me, that is where I should be, that is where WE should be serving. Living out James 1:27.

This a.m. I witinessed our "Christian" neighbor, be so rude and mean to another neighbor who's cow jumped over the fence. I saw her so worked up over a cow, and thought, oh my, what would happen if we got that worked up over sin. Sin in our own lives. Sin that causes little children to be abandoned, neglected and abused?

Then I looked at myself. I can get myself worked up over things too. Oh that I would spend that energy more wisely, to pursue holiness, to pursue a life dedicated to my Lord and Savior, to pursure James 1:27 and be its embodiment. Oh Lord help me to prioritize. Help me to guided by your Holy Spirit in my every day existence.
Amen.

Music Is A Universal Language

When we were in Ukraine. We couldn't speak Russian and Erika couldn't speak English.
Somehow we were able to communicate. :)

Anna And Her Children

Wrestling with Dad

Almost 4 years ago... we had a girl

BYE BYE UKRAINE!

A Goodbye from the Children at ZelanyGaj Orphanage

A Message From Ukraine

What More Could a Mom Want

We are getting closer to Christmas, and we asked the girls to think about what they might like to have this year.

I received a letter from Sarah. She said she wants a "book room", a new skirt, green shorts and a new movie. Then she said, "I want a happy family". We always joke when she asks what dad or I want; "all I want is a happy family". She always says, "you already have that! What do you REALLLY want?"

We say, we have what we want. A happy family.:) So when she wrote this, it made my heart sing.

IF I HAD KNOWN IN ADVANCE

I was contemplating life the other day. This is my last year of my 40's. Next year I will be 50. Yep, nobody, NOBODY is considered young when they are 50. That doesn't mean I can't look great, or have energy or that I have one foot in the grave, but it does mean, most likely I have lived over half of my life. Now, it is time to reflect.

If I had known in advance how my life would be, before it unfolded to me, I think I probably would have crawled into a corner to wait it out; like a timid toddler not wanting to go to preschool.

If anybody had told me how painful the teenage years would be. That I would be laughed at and rejected because of my Savior, I wouldn't have beleived it. After all, this is the United States, a Christian Country, and it was church youth group. They were supposed to Love the same Lord that I did. It was so very painful and confusing.

If anybody had told me that the lover of my youth, would turn on his Savior and reject his own flesh, and the fruit of his loins, I would have cowered in disbeleif. I might never have dared to marry in order to avoid the deep and mournful pain the self doubt, the fear.

If anybody had told me that my second born son would be so very close to death, hanging from a thread between fleshly earth and eternity, I would have been crushed by the weight.

If anybody had told me how lonely I would be, even in a large family, raising four little boys alone, and how difficult it would be to try to be the mom to them that they deserved, I would have run for cover.

If anybody had told me I would marry again, I would have denied it, saying I would never get divorced, how could I marry again!

If anybody had told me that I would have 3 more daughters, I would have said, oh no, I'm a boy mom, not a girl mom!

If anybody had told me about he depths of despair that each of my daughters would come from, I would have been crushed by the weight of pain and sadness.

That is why God kept all of his miracles secrets. God chooses to bless us in many different ways. One of the ways he blesses us, is by breaking us, so he can mold us into what he wants us to be. If we were born perfected, how would He be glorified on Earth?

I think I have been in need of much perfection and breaking in my life. God hates pride. That means he must have hated the pride he found in me.

I was so sure of what I knew as a child, that at times, I would step out on my own and try to force the hand of God. I remember telling a Jehovahs Witness child, I won't let you ride my bike if you don't beleive what I do. I thought I was saving him from Hell fire; not seeing that the Lord is a lord of Mercy and Grace.

I was so proud and pomposs that I KNEW I would never get a divorce. Marriage is forever, besides I was 18 and marrying a minister, I'm divorce proof! Boy did God let me know that wasn't the case.

And then, no perfect healing for my son? What is this all about? I thought if I had perfect faith, without doubt, a mountain would be moved! Why is my son not healed?
Why have I not seen a miracle? He only weighs 2lbs. 14 oz's. He's hardly a mountain!

Where are you God?

How could God lead me into single parenthood! Parents aren't supposed to be single!
Lord, don't you care about my family?

And now, I am led to marry again, but I'm conflicted within. Again and again I study the word of God and what others have to say about remarriage. I pray and pray and sense the leading of the Lord, as does Mike. So I marry.

Wow, something good has happened.

I continue to struggle as God breaks my fingers from the grip of pride. I hear him calling me, "let go", I am a good catcher."

I struggle. "Let GO, I'll catch you!"

Come and be what I want you to be......


I let go... finally totally let go. I don't care anymore. I don't care what other's think of me. I don't care what my life looks like. I care about letting go.


As I basque in the healing balm of the Lord, he lets me know he isn't finished. I already knew that somehow, but I didn't need to hide in a corner anymore.
I knew the only place to run and hide was at the foot of the cross. That is where he wants me to stay.

So he brings these little girls into my life. They are a delight and a joy, and they have come with much tribulation and heartache. I cannot control what happened to them. I cannot take it away. I can lead them to the foot of the cross that took me so long to find. There they can basque in the presense of the Lord and understand that the breaking process in our lives is to rip the weeds of self love, pride and arrogance and replace them with the sweet fragrance of sorrow and suffering. Only there can we find our hope. Only there can we cling to our Lord. Only there can we be molded and shaped in to something of true beauty.

I am so glad that I didn't know what would happen in my life before it happened. I wouldn't have chosen to live my life. I would have been too afraid to live.
And that is exactly why God doesn't reveal everything to us. He knows we would be great big chickens, unable to come out of the coop for fear of the wolves.

He gives us our lives in small bytes.... one day at a time. One revelation at a time, and then when we look back, we see how God in his great infinite love and mercy, extended His hand, and held ours, all through our lives, and we would not trade one moment of the gift of life he as given us for anything.

The Beautiful Dallas Skyline

THE BODY CAST IS.......

OFF!!!!!!


and that's all I have to say about that! :)

I'm Sad

I am so sad. We went to Ministry group last night, and returned rather late. Too early to put the turkeys away when we left and it was late when we returned. We forgot to put them away.

They are in a fenced area, and roam around freely during the day time. This a.m., at about 5, I heard the duck going crazy. I just figured it was waking up and being "the duck that thinks its a rooster", like in Babe.

Apparently, the duck was running for cover and alerting us that our turkeys were being attacked by dogs. I didn't see the dogs, just the end result. 5 dead turkeys. It is so frustrating to have them fenced in, and they SHOULD be safe, only to have their lives taken from them for some dog's sport. If it were a wild animal, they would have eaten them. But, just like before with the sheep, 1 was eaten and the rest just left for dead.

I feel terribly that I didn't put them away. At the same time I feel angry that people don't put their dogs away and make sure they don't roam or pack.

So what is the Lord trying to teach me? Is he trying to take away the things that I love? Prying my hands off of my worldly desires to be a "real farmer?" Or is he saying, "get a dog stupid~!" I honestly don't know.

I know that if we move to Ukraine, we will most likely not have an animal. Is the Lord trying to prepare us for that? BUT... if we live in the country we will have an animal, but I doubt we would live in the country.

I don't know. I think for now, I'm going to pray and get a dog. That will solve both issues for now.

I'm just so sad.

The Visit

I cannot put into words right now, how much the last 2 weeks has meant to Mike and to me and the girls.

It is always nice to see relatives come and visit. But when you haven't seen them in so long, and they bring little new relatives who coo and drool and smile and laugh, it just warms your heart so.

We had a whirlwind of 10 days of delight and joy. Joe, Becca and Sam visiting, playing backgammon for a gillion times, cooking, creating and enjoying each other. They were such a huge blessing for all of us. And our little Sam, just makes us melt with delight. He is a doll, dimples and all. He is rambunctious, gives me many memories of days gone by, and I just KNOW the Lord has wonderful things in store for him.

One of the neatest things was seeing all 15 kids and grandkids in the house at the same time. What a great bunch of people, young and old. What a huge representation of talent and love. What a wonderful family. I was so sad that Mike's mom and dad couldn't come down and visit, but that will happen again, in time. We are so blessed as a family. My words fail to express my greatfulness to the Lord for the awesome things HE has done.