Happy Anniversary Sweet Alli part 2

I asked Alli if she liked swimming.  Oh there was a smile and a yes!  And then there was sadness.  I don't have a bathing suit!
"That's ok, we can go and get one for you."
Her next response was, "I don't think I'm allowed to go into stores?"
"Why not?"
"Because I'll ask for things."
"Well, how about if we go into the store, and you try not to ask for things!"
"Ok"..... She was actually AFRAID.
There is more to that story that I will not go into here.  :(

So, we held hands and we walked into target. We walked down the aisles and looked at things, and then we walked out. :) 
"There, was that scary?"
"No."
"So do you think we can look for a suit?"
YES! big smile
And we went in and found a bathing suit.  We also found some tennis shoes because her shoes were too small. 
We were SO FORTUNATE! The Lord was SO GOOD TO US!  My dear friend JJ lives about 5 hours away.  She also has 2 sons, one from Russia and her newest son, from UKRAINE, who was also recently adopted through DISRUPTION! 
They came to the hotel on their way through town and Alli got to meet them. I was so happy!
We went to Dinner together and I remember E saying, in that thick Ukrainain Accent, "Hello! You will be fine! I too have been adopted by disruption!" "I too had another family!"  "I like my new family!"
He became Alli's hero! :)
During Dinner, she layed on my lap and cried a little, but we made it through dinner.  They had her favorite, mashed potatoes and gravy with extra gravy.

Of course after dinner we went to swim and both boys helped her to the edge of the pool like little gentlemen.  I think that little girl crush has never gone away. LOL

Our son and daughter in law and grandsons also came and spent a weekend with us. We had a wonderful time and the boys were a great distraction for Alli. :)

I realized that Alli had not seen much of her new State, so I wanted to make sure she got to see the museums before we left and learn more about where she was living. 

We went to several museums and had a wonderful time!

After several days, we finally were released to go back to Texas.  I remember Mike and I cracking up on the phone because the girls were asking, "Is she going to be nice?"  And she was asking on the other end, "Are they going to be nice?"

 We reassured everybody, that THEY needed to be nice and REALITY is, we will need to get used to each other.  There will be misunderstandings, but we will work through them. We are a team!

We were waiting at the airport...

 And here is the first meeting in Dallas

 We had already made plans to go to Great Wolf Lodge, so we added a person, and went. We weren't sure if Alli was ready for such an excursion, but overall she did really well. She had some overwhelm, but we were able to work through it.  Sarah had an awful time because she had broken out in HIVES.  She was struggling with hives from about 3 weeks after Alli arrived. Honestly, I think it was an emotional reaction to all the changes, not a food allergy.  Alli was very controlling of Sarah in the beginning, and we really had to work through some jealousy issues.  We fully expected this, but it was still hard for everybody. 
When a child is so hurt, and so rejected, things don't just get better overnight!

 Alli won 1,000 tickets in the game room! Oh my was that a treat!

Alli really struggled with the loss of her biological brother and sister.  They were together until she was 10, but the relationship within her family was unhealthy... that is how they became orphans in the first place.
She misses them, but has resigned herself that they cannot be together.  ( I decided to show the entire picture, because it is elsewhere on the internet.... I have come across it several times.  So, here it is.)

One of the big things we had to work through, was the grief and loss of her families. She did not connect her behavior to her losses.  That was a tricky one.   They WERE related, but it was not her fault.  Explaining  to her that her behavior did not effect her standing in our family, but that it DID in other families was difficult.  She also had to learn that her behavior DOES MATTER. You cannot just act out when you feel like it.  There are ways to express disappointment, anger, fear, frustration, without having fits or tantrums or attacking others verbally. 

I would say the bulk of our year, especially in the beginning, was in untangling the hurt and mess of her past, and helping her learn to cope and look forward to her future.   We had times of feeling defeated and triumphant.  Times of confusion and times of clarity.
Convincing her that she REALLY DOES NOT UNDERSTAND ENGLISH well enough was a huge breakthrough.  Getting her to TRUST once again was a huge.  Children who have been hurt and rejected over and over and over again, have a tendency to have major TRUST issues.  This causes major LOVE issues too.  Alli was considered to be RAD, and I would say she definitely WAS at one point.  BUT at this time, I would no longer consider her RAD.  Just as Anna healed, she is healing.

She is VERY attached to us and expresses her love and affection for us.  She is no longer as REACTIVE as she used to be.  Oh my! For awhile, it was often, and then as she learned other ways to relate and communicate, it   began to spread out more and more, and now it is minimal. 
I would say the majority of the time, she is as sweet as can be to everybody.  And is well within NORM for any sibling issue.  Sadly, this was not the case in her previous families.
About Sibling Issues:
One thing that both Mike and I do not ever let go, is an issue with siblings.  If there is discord, it can effect the entire family.  So, it is dealt with right away.  Alli has learned that siblings can be best of friends. They can disagree and not be angry or argumentative.  They can do different things and that is ok. It is not a rejection of one wants to ride a bike and the other wants to roller skate.  She has learned that it NEVER works to accuse another.  (We do not correct behaviors in front of each other. If we need to talk to more than one person, it is in private, and the other person is never discussed. Meaning we talk to Alli about Alli, and Sarah about Sarah. etc.  We do not talk with Alli about Sarah or Sarah about Alli.)  We will deal with the issue directly related to the person in question. PERIOD.
This was hard for her to accept at first, and we got a lot of "but...she did this or she did that"......
And we would repeat.... Yes, we know. We are talking you about what you did. :)
Over the year Alli taught ALL of us that we can be stretched to love more, to be patient more, to be kind more and to reach out to each other more.... pray more.....ALL of us! 
I have watched the relationships form this year between all of the Noelles and it has been amazing to watch.  They have each struggled and triumphed and found a place of peace and comfort  with each other.
Probably one of the most interesting things about this year, (that is not about Alli) has been watching how Anna has related to Alli and all her hurts.  Anna could really relate to Alli and  TOTALLY understands her.  Anna would often talk to me and tell me things that were very helpful in trying to reach Alli.  The two of them have a very special bond.  Anna really stepped up and became a dear big sister to Alli.  Alli really looks up to her.
TO BE CONTINUED.......

Happy Anniversary Sweet Alli part 1

 

This was Alli a few months after coming home.

Last year at this time, we were minding our own business and had no idea that God was going to intervene in our family  once again and change it forever.  Last year at this time,  the little girl we had been told about the October before, was fading from our memories, other than to pray for her now and then.  We had been told the opportunity was not there, and all was over.

And then, On March 1st we got a call.  "Do you remember the little girl we talked about last October?"
"Yes"
"Are you still interested?"
"We were never NOT interested. Why?"
"You need to be in NC tomorrow! ASAP. "

I was in shock.  We were doing our school work on a non eventful day, and suddenly, our entire lives were turned upside down!

"WOW! TOMORROW?" "Don't we have time to drive?"
"No, you will need to fly."

And thus began our Journey into adoption for our 4th Noelle; Miss Alli. :)
Suddenly we were given details and information that we didn't know all about before. I was packing, looking for airline tickets, talking to excited girlies, planning for meals, and schooling, and transportation.... all at one time. 
And before I knew it, I was off on a great adventure ALL ALONE!  We couldn't do it any other way.
It was exciting and scary!  I was going to a place I had never been, renting a car, driving to a mysterious office and then, by that evening, meeting our daughter for the very first time.

In my mind, I was wondering, "What will she do? How will she react?  What makes me think I can parent her?  Is this really happening?  What if she won't come with me?" 
As I rented the car, I was shaking, LITERALLY SHAKING!  And then, when I turned on the vehicle, the radio was already on, and already set to a station. 
I started to drive and over the radio came on "It is well with my soul" and another song about Peace.... and then a sermonette on Peace and trusting the Lord.  And that is when I knew that I knew that I KNEW, we were going to be ok.   The Lord was with me.  With us.  And even though we knew we had a huge road ahead of us, and that it would not be easy, it was the path that the Lord has chosen for us to travel down.  There is a security and peace that comes in the midst of a storm, when you know the Lord is holding you. Literally HOLDING you. :)

As we pulled up into the Walmart Parking Lot, we couldn't see the car we were looking for.  The attorney called the couple, and they explained that we were at the wrong Walmart.  The attorney continued driving another 15 minutes until we got to the right one.  And there, we pulled into the garden section of the parking lot.
How strange to pick up a child in a parking lot. :( 

I asked them if they would join us for dinner and they said no.  I understand, I guess.  I wasn't thinking about them really, but about Alli's transition and how it might make things a little less blunt to sit together and then at least have some conversation first.  But no.... they started putting her bags into the back of the car, and then, it was done. There was a quick goodbye and we drove away.

I cannot imagine being Alli.  I still shudder at how she must have felt. How VULNERABLE children are!  I asked the attorney to stop so I could get into the back seat.  I climbed into the back and began to talk with Alli, asking her what she liked.  I asked her if I could rub her back, she was tense, and she said yes.  I reassured her that I would keep her safe.  She had no reason to believe me.  I reassured her anyway.

                                    (Distracting ourselves in the hotel, waiting for ICPC paperwork)
Those 2 weeks in the hotel were invaluable! We had a lot of time to talk and get to know each other, without the distractions of normal family life.  She knew we were going to face that soon enough, and for HER, it had never been good..... only heartbreaking.

to be continued......

LOVE

We have been through a very tough week around here.  Circumstances took over our lives.  Yet, The Lord was Faithful to ALL of us.  Each of us had difficulties to face, personal mountains to climb, different, yet the same. 
I had to concentrate on Erika, away from home. I poured my love into her as she faced some scary things.  My heart was also at home as the other girls were without us.  I worried, "How will they do with us gone?" Alli was very scared at the notion of Erika having surgery and us being gone.
Anna always misses us when we leave, and she had to be the big sister this time.  Sarah, well Sarah is just Sarah. :)  And then Daddy had to hold everything together.
Our dear friends also LOVED on us and took the girls each day so that Mike could work and I could relax.
What amazed me, was that everybody pulled together.  Anna stepped up to the plate, and filled those very big shoes.  Alli responded positively and trusted the Lord to get her through the rest of the week without us.   Mike was patient and kind with the girls, and managed to talk with Erika on the phone too. 
They each did THEIR part in the family, so that Erika and I could concentrate on the surgery aspect of life last week.  What a BLESSING they were to us!  They EACH showed TRUE LOVE and support for each other and for us.  I am so thankful.  My girls truly exemplified Corinthians 13 this week.
We should never lose sight of the incredible result of TRUE LOVE. 

Love is patient, love is kind, it is not envious or puffed up. It does not behave rudely, does not seek its own, is not provoked, thinks no evil, does not rejoice in iniquity but rejoices in TRUTH. Love BEARS all things, HOPES all things, ENDURES all things. LOVE NEVER FAILS.



And as our Pastor this morning so eloquently spoke about love and what it TRULY looks like... I was encouraged.  (Erika insisted on going to services this a.m.)
True love does not find joy in another person's failure.  It does not wish for another to have hardship. It truly is KIND and ENCOURAGING.... In the End.... the only thing that will last, when we get to the other side..... "LOVE".  The true kind.

 Our sleeping angel.  She is in our room right now, just in case she wakes up in pain or needs the bathroom.  I just love my sweetie.

We Are HOME!

We arrived last night, just in time for Friday Night Pizza night.  The ride home was a little stressful, as stopping suddenly was not at ALL comfortable. Unfortunately, the Texas drivers that pulled in front of us, continuously, didn't know Erika needed them to be more courteous.

We opted to take the long way home and get off of the crazy Friday Night Freeway.  By the time we got home, we needed to give her pain meds and FAST.  But everything settled, and this a.m. she was up and ready to get into her wheel chair.

I think we made the right decision to come home.  We BOTH feel better.  My back is really not good, and one more day on the parent bed would have deemed it necessary for me to have my own morphine pump. LOL

Here are a few pictures of our stay:  Erika has her own set of pictures too. :)

 Arrival at our room.

 School days never get a break.

 The amazing menu!  This is just 2 pages of menu items. There were more!  The hospital now has room service. When you are hungry, you order, any time of day until 6:00. 

 A room with a view:

 Erika's bracelet said, falls, so we wrote "Forgets" on mama's. :)

 Getting ready to go.

 The Elevator Ride

 The X rays

 The Man! (Dr. Herring)

 Erika and Robert  (he makes legs)

 Erika and Pastor Justin

 Dr. Herring again

 The other Dr.... (learning with Dr. Herring.  He likes "hips and spines". :)

 Visiting with sisters and daddy

 The nicest nurse in the world!

 Mama and Anna

 Miss Wanda.... (she also makes legs)

 Kiley... a friend from Camp.

 This is the intake area.

 And there she goes with the anesthesiologist.

 Back in our room after surgery.

 The morphine pump is doing it's job. LOL

 Visits from some very special people. :)

 Anna came in and fell into my feather bed. She misses me. :)

 Alli trying out Erika's new transportation.

 Erika received a Raggedy Ann and Andy Doll, handmade by some very special volunteers.

 Anna still misses me. :)

 Good byes from Daddy.

 Mommy and Erika did our best at Art Work. These will be fired next week and we can pick them up when we go back in two weeks. :)

 Piano lessons in the child life room.

This is Stewart, Erika's new prosthetist.

He is a really nice man.

And here is where the doc said, we can go! :)

Erika has pictures from inside the operating room believe it or not. LOL