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Thursday, August 29, 2013

"MISTAKES"

The meaning of a word is very, very important.  It is not uncommon for words in our language to be misunderstood!  An example might be "effect" vs. "affect". 

Affect

In order to understand the correct situation in which to use the word affect or effect, the first thing one must do is have a clear understanding of what each word means. The word affect means to produce a change in something.

Effect

The word effect has a different meaning. Effect is defined as a result of something or the ability to bring about a result.


But when it comes to the word "mistake" the meaning is quite clear!

A mistake is a blunder, an error, and even an error in judgment, such as, I bought this dress but it is way to short!  Or  I made a calculation error and I have less money in the bank than I thought!

These are MISTAKES!  Yes, they are lapses in judgment, but there is no ill intent.


In the Trial of Hana Williams, whom I wrote about 2 years ago here, and then the use of TTUAC here
the statement was made that "we made a mistake". 
NO! A mistake was not made.  It was not a "mistake" to feed her frozen food instead of cooked.
It was not a "mistake" to put a lock on a closet door and force her to sleep inside there."
It was not a "mistake" to beat her.
It was not a "mistake" to beat her deaf brother.
It was not a "mistake" to make her stay outside, shower and toilet outside, and sleep in the barn.
It was not a "mistake" to keep the children separate from family celebrations like Christmas.
It was not a "mistake" to sit and watch her as she struggled for life.
It was not a "mistake" to STARVE.HER. TO. DEATH!

No.
It wasn't just "poor judgment" or "misguided judgment". 
No.

It was  a systematic, continual atmosphere of abuse... and then the other children were also put in the position of participation. 
During Hana's last hours on this earth, as she was staggering in the back yard, the mother gave Hana's brothers a switch to go and strike her with.
The children were then directed to LIE to social workers and investigators about where Hana slept and if she had been beaten. :(
It  was not a "mistake" to tell children to lie to authorities.

It was INTENTIONAL.

Now, did they intend for Hana to die?  I don't believe they did.  But honestly, how can the word "mistake" even be used.
Oops she died.  That was a mistake.
It so cheapens Hana's life.

How about we were HORRIBLY WRONG?  How about we are BOTH responsible?
Why even a trial?  Why not plead the truth? How about "We systematically MURDERED our daughter in the name of some sort of wacky- pseudo- parenting paradigm and we are TRULY sorry!"
"It doesn't matter if she were 12 or 20. We abused another human being, that we promised to love and cherish, until she died."
She is DEAD. There is a body in the ground.

There is forgiveness in Christ.  Yes, there is. And I do hope that the William's have sought that forgiveness.  But a sign of repentence would not be to defend your actions, accuse each other of being more at fault, or call your actions a "mistake".
Sin is more accurate.
Sins are transgressions against God, and against His Law.  We are ALL sinners. 
We are all in need of forgiveness.  I pray that the Williams find that forgiveness.

One of the saddest parts of this entire story, besides a family torn apart, and the death of Hana, is that this family, just like all families that adopt, had wonderful, GOOD intentions!
They wanted to do something for children.  They wanted to joyfully add to their family.
And something went tragically WRONG.  It was NOT the fault of Hana Williams.

If you are a future adoptive family, one of the very best things you can do while you wait, is get prepared for what is going to CHANGE.YOUR. LIVES. forever!
The process of bringing home children is a shock to the family AND even MORE SO to the child!
PREPARE YOURSELVES! 
Don't be the bride who worries about the fanciness and joy of the wedding and forgets to prepare for the marriage!
The LONG HAUL life of adoption can be wonderful! It can also be stressful! 
Deal with your own baggage before you bring your kids home!  I promise, you will have more to deal with after they arrive! :)
REACH OUT to the adoption community. DO NOT ISOLATE! And do NOT be in a group that speaks negatively about their children in disparaging ways!  Do NOT participate in "Misery Love Company" type groups.

Instead, find TRUE adoption support.  Seek out social workers, friends, friends of friends, and find families that are SUCCESSFUL.
LEARN FROM THEM! 
There are many blogs on my side bar to choose from that are successful with their children. They do not have magically easy children. Some deal with very difficult circumstances! 
Go to websites like  Empowered to Connect.  There is so much information there and it is wonderful!

There are also conventions to go to! There is one in Houston this month and in the Dallas area next month, both featuring Karyn Purvis!  It is 60 dollars for a COUPLE to attend for 2 full days of enrichment! 
That folks is a bargain!

The adoption community needs to pull together and make sure that not one more adopted child is murdered in the name of "discipline".  And even more, the adoption community needs to pull together and "Shout from the Rooftops", that adoption is a WONDERFUL THING... but you MUST BE PREPARED to FACE the MONSTER IN THE MIRROR! Yourself.
And then, you will be ready to be equipped to gently guide your adopted child to healing and wholeness.

Here is a link to the article that fueled this post.  Thank you to Hope Anne for posting it.
Here is a link to Hope Anne's blog.  I like to refer to Hope Anne as the creator of "skirt holding". :)
She is also located on my side bar blog roll.

6 comments:

Annie said...

I think it has become very common to use "mistake" in place of "sin". I too think that a mistake is an accident. If you do something on purpose then it isn't a mistake....but men make "mistakes" and cheat on their wives, and make "mistakes" and send photos of their private parts online. I would love to see a proper use of this word.

I also wish that more families might be able to say, "We adopted this child, and we made a mistake; we aren't cut out to be the parents of such a difficult child." Some may disagree with me, but I think the fear of saying they made a mistake keeps a lot of children in homes where they are failing, while there may be other families where they will be loved and successful. I praise God we have Maxim back; it wouldn't have happened if that family hadn't admitted making a mistake.

Natalie Mylnar said...

I saw this on the news today and literally thought, I bet this story would break Christie's heart if she heard about it, and I be she'd have something to say about it!

I so love your blog (found it while searching on google for something). It's an encouragement to me and is so full of the Lord's wisdom on life and love and truth. I seriously feel like the Holy Spirit just emanates through so much of what you say. Thank you for being such a faithful witness and for sharing His blessings with all of us. It's just awesome. I guess since my own mother is not a believer and is very far from God, I am particularly blessed whenever I have an opportunity to glean wisdom from godly women like you, even if it's on a blog based in another state!

Christie Minich said...

Annie, your words come at a profound time.
Thank you for saying that!

Christie Minich said...

Natalie, thank you for your kind words. Thank you for reading!

I do pray that the words written here glorify the Lord and bring help and healing.

Dawn said...

Amen. I have been following the trial and am just so sad. One of our children was especially difficult when they came home. Unfortunately I tried more punishment and the child acted out further. After a long downhill slide, I picked up Beyond Consequences. It was there our parenting took a dramatic turn. It is IMPERATIVE that parents see their children's pain and fear. The self-hatred. The guilt. The shame that these kids carry. I agree with you Christie, if you are a parent and you find yourself punishing harder, PLEASE reach out!!! There are people out there who are non-judgemental and willing to walk alongside you! PLEASE REACH OUT!!!!!

Hope Anne said...

Thank you, Christie, for your kind words about my blog! I saw a lot of traffic coming from yours in the last 48 hours and had to come catch up (I have been very busy) on my blog reading! ;-) Together, if we all keep yelling and holding out our hands in love and support, hopefully adopted (and bio) kids will be loved and helped to become the healthy people God created them to be! I don't think I could keep a civil tongue in my head right now were I to sit down with MP--but I wish so much he would be open to gentle entreating and godly advice. We can pray for that.

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