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Saturday, August 24, 2013

When We Fail

Last week, Aus asked if I could post on failure.  As in, when we don't handle things perfectly.

I have had my mind of this, for several days, but with many distractions. :)   GOOD distractions!

But  back to thinking about this, it is good to reflect on our  own short comings and failures as parents.

But today, I'd like to reflect on how to rescue a situation when it is going the wrong direction.

I love "do overs" ! "Would you like to try that again?"  "Let's try that one over!"  "How about doing that over with a kind tone in your voice!"  There are a million different ways to suggest a do over....

With my little grandsons last week I simply spoke what I wanted them to say, and they repeated it back automatically.

But sometimes, we as adults need do overs too! 

When you find yourself in the midst of your own personal melt down.... do not despair! It is not too late to try it again!  And your children will not only pay attention, it can be used to a great advantage in their teaching! 

Our kids have a hard enough time understanding family life and what is expected, and I'm sure many times they feel that we do not hold ourselves to the same standards that we have for them!
"Why do you get to eat after dinner and I don't?"
"Why do you get to stay up late and I don't?"
"Why do you get to go to the movies and I don't?"
"Why can you have coffee and I can't?"
and more..... :)

Children coming into our homes as strangers, have to learn how to be children on top of learning how to exist in a family structure!

This can bring friction that can be frustrating for parents.  And sometimes as parents,  with our window of tolerance fully open in the morning time, and after having a long stressful day, find that window closing to a narrower and narrower tolerance are quite capable of our own mini meltdowns!
Our patience runs thin, and then.... bam.... Mr. or Mrs. Ugly pops out and we say something in a harsh tone, or without the patience we normally exhibit!

This can be turned into a teaching time for our kids in the most positive of ways IF we aren't too proud to apologize and admit our own short comings!  If you over react to a situation or lose your cool, be humble!
You can rescue yourself by saying, "Yikes! I think mom needs a do over! Don't you!"
You can infuse humor..... you can be serious and head to the rocking chair, but most of all, it is a time to PURSUE RELATIONSHIP!

Your child may respond negatively and spiral out of control by your own actions, because they are still fragile!  They may not be able to handle our flaws while they are still so vulnerable.
BUT.... if we face our own flaws and admit them to our kids, we can go a long way in teaching our children that relationship is more important to us than anything, and teach them that even with all our flaws and their flaws, relationship is of utmost importance!
This lets them know that when they make mistakes, they need our forgiveness too and they are not going to break if they admit they are wrong! 
They need to do "do overs" too and it isn't that hard! They will learn the difference between humility and humiliation! 
We all need to go to the Lord in prayer, asking for strength and mercy!  When our children see US go to the Lord for strength and ask for help... they will be inclined to do the same.
Being humble goes a long way in teaching our children that we can all make mistakes and still love each other.  And part of being human, includes our imperfections!

There is a part in "The Connected Child" book by Karyn Purvis that mentions how our mistakes can be turned into something good.  The children learn little by little that when we are hurt, or hurt others, that it is possible  repair that relationship and even make it stronger! 
Those little moments are turned into solid teaching time.... but don't make those moments an excuse for our own bad behavior!
There is a difference between getting stressed and just sloppy, or selfish parenting! 

We ALL need to ALWAYS strive to do our best, as unto the Lord, who gives us strength!
"I can do ALL things through Christ, who gives me strength!" Phil 4:13.

3 comments:

Chris said...

"like"

Aus said...

thanks Chrisie - I'm thinking you are spot on! It never ever hurts for our kids to see us as being as human as they are - with good days and bad - with warts and all - making mistakes and being "mortal" - and most importantly - being willing and able to admit our mistakes - atone for them - and even ask forgiveness!\

How else will they learn those lessons if we don't demonstrate them?

hugs - great stuff -

aus and co.

MamaV said...

Yay! I love this! My stress has become an excuse for selfish parenting recently, and this is SO encouraging.
Thank you!

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