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Saturday, December 20, 2008

You Tried Me Out Didn't You ?

This was the question my little Anna posed to me today..... My heart absolutely SANK!

We were having a discussion about if another child would be in our future. Would you girlies like a new sister or brother?

Anna said, "We could try one out".

My answer was, "We don't try children out... We bring them home and love them no matter what."

Her response was, "Didn't you try me out?"

NO! Heaven's NO!

"Then why did I have to go back?"

It is amazing what you can find out in simple conversations.

We had applied to adopt Anna through the foster care system. We were given an extended visit, and had hoped for more, but the social worker was not contacted in time before our visit time was up. So she legally HAD to go back to her foster home until our court date. I remember explaining it to her, but she was only 5. I rocked a sobbing child who did not want to go back. But we had no choice. All of our hearts were broken. 10 days later, we brought her home forever; but that 10 days made her think we might reject her. How AWFUL! Kids just go through the worst things. :(

So, today I sat her down and at 10 years old, she can understand what happened 5 years ago when she was 5 much better. When I explained to her why she had to go back and about the law and how we NEVER EVER EVER would just "try her out" or even consider not accepting her for who she was, she got this big smile on her face and I got a great big "I love you mommy hug!" I just love those really, really, real hugs. :)

I'm so glad we had this conversation, if for nothing else, that her understanding be cleared, that Mommy and Daddy LOVED her from the beginning and never EVER thought about "trying her out".


Anna found this silly hat in the Attic last week. I just love her smile. :)

5 comments:

Debbie said...

Oh, this breaks my heart, that children could think we don't love them from the first moment...but then, how would they know? I'm so glad you were able to explain and that she KNOWS you love her so much.

Debbie said...

This is so amazing, that Anna now KNOWS your love for her and can also understand the explanation. I'm glad she felt secure enough to question what happened. It breaks my heart that there are children who need families; we hope to be an adoptive family very soon and to do it again and again.

Debbie said...

OK...didn't mean to post twice...ha-ha!

Stanley said...

If you want to get involved with troubled kids in the foster care system, read Invisible Kids first. (www.InvisibleKidsTheBook.com) The heartbreaking stories and the intercessions Holly Schlaack recounts will give private citizens the impulse they need to volunteer as a CASA or to go for advance training. Professionals who are necessitated with kids will recognize many of their own experiences in the situations Holly describes. Her creative, positive, hopeful 12 recommendations will devote professionals and private citizens practical encouragement to heighten their own work and join in to help these small children who have seen firsthand the worst of the adults they had a right to rely upon.

Mike and Christie said...

Thank you Stanley for taking the time to write a comment. I found the web site here: http://www.hollyschlaack.com/index.html

It looks quite good and I think I might order the book.

There is a program beginning in our area to get kids OUT of foster care and into permanent homes, but there is still that "stigma" in our population that believes somehow that these children cannot have normal lives, or that they will do horrible things.

The sad part is, that we all sit in our homes, full of empty rooms, with empty hearts and do not take care of the most vulnerable of our society YOUNG OR OLD.....
That tells alot about a society.

Foster homes are scarce and many are just not that great. I know a few really good ones. But I know a lot more poor ones.

Food and Shelter is not enough.

So, may I ask if you are an American living abroad?

You Are Still Holy

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