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I believe in the sun even when it's not shining. I believe in love even when I don't feel it. And I believe in God even when He is silent. (quote found on the wall of a concentration camp)

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Wednesday, January 23, 2013

On Being A Mother To Formerly Traumatized Children

Today, Miss Alli and I went for a drive. I needed to take her with me to do a "parts run" for Mike.  It was a 2 hour diversion. I didn't think it would be good to leave her home for that long without me there. 
She is still in the midst of "Anniversary Time" which is a mix between Joy and Struggle as her birthday approaches.

Each time this week as we have been in the car, she has openly shared her early memories and struggled to remember all she can. ( I pray that some day her older brother and sister can fill in some of those blanks and tell her information about things she can't remember, such has, how adorable she was when she was little. :)  We all missed that!)
Today was no different.
At first she was a little annoyed that she had to come.  She thought she was just fine to stay home!
I knew better.
So, we were off on our trip; at first she was sullen and silent.  After going through the bank drive through, I told her, "I'm so sorry you are struggling!" "You know, you are NOT in trouble!"
Her reply?  "I'm not so sure about that!" 
She was hurting.....
I told her that mama tells the truth. And then, I waited.
About 10 minutes into our drive, I reached out to hold her hand, and her little hand slipped into mine.
We held hands for a long time, and then the talking began.
Most of her talking was about Russia and memories she had been thinking about.
It changed from that, to being thankful for her home.  THIS HOME! :) yea!

Today was edgy and raw.  I had to be ON HIGH ALERT ALL DAY!  I was waiting for anything to happen..... and we halted many possible meltdowns, just by being present and attuned!
I am so thankful for Karyn Purvis and Heather Forbes!  I am also thankful for our support group!

Today turned out to be a MAGNIFICENT DAY!  
The talks we had were so healing and raw and real.  She talked more about Russia than in ALL of her 22 months home.  And she was comfortable to do so. 
I talked to her a little bit, once again about providence and choices, making sure she doesn't worry about following in the footsteps of those who harmed her....

Tonight, we all gathered around and prayed for her. Each of our girls prayed and when we thought we were done, SHE PRAYED outloud.... "Lord, thank you so much for my family!"

What a precious day with our Precious girlies. :)

Sometimes Therapeutic Parenting is exhausting..... but it is SO WORTH IT! 
After Dinner, Mike excused himself to go into the office to work on some church things..... Our eyes met and I sighed.... He gave me a big hug and look of understanding ...That was enough to give me more energy to finish off the evening.....
And the Evening?  It consisted of wonderfulness!  Anna writing, Erika and Sarah playing Kingdom Builder, and me reading a story to Alli and then her  making something magic from a lump of clay. :)
And finally, practicing for a Science test. :)

I LOVE my life.....

2 comments:

Brooke said...

Thank you for the reminder that anniversaries bring back memories. It is so true that being present with the child in pain and taking the time to really listen to her heart can bring about such healing. I'm glad to hear that Alli was able to verbalize so many memories. What a blessing for her to be able to do that.
I appreciate your postings, as well as the advice from Karyn Purvis and from Heather Forbes. I love how you take that practical advice and show how it is lived out in day to day life, over a long time. I often send people to your site. :-)

Christie Minich said...

Thank you Brooke. :)

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