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Tuesday, January 22, 2013

THE STRUGGLE a BCLC MOMENT

I am so thankful that my life has not been easy.  Looking back, it is just amazing how many things the Lord orchestrated in my earlier years to prepare me for my children.

One thing that I struggled greatly with, was my education.  I was not a straight A student. We moved so much that it was difficult to keep up and just "fit into" an already existing, functioning classroom and  know what was going on.

Sometimes the different district would have already covered material that I had not learned yet, so there were gaps in my education.

I CANNOT IMAGINE the difficulty of children coming to America from other countries and adding on top of culture, food and language, EDUCATION; and  ALL in another language!   Oh the pressure and stress!

I am so proud of my girls! They work so very  HARD!  I am THANKFUL that I can design their education according to their needs.  The GAPS are filled for each individual!

Today, Miss Alli was struggling.  Sometimes she gets very frustrated because it is hard for her to read still.  She is reading for pleasure, but academic English is hard for her.  The words are different from what she is used to.  Today, her window of tolerance shut down by about 10:30 a.m.  I had her come and sit by me, which she did, but she was not very happy.

I got up to begin the process of cooking lunch, and diverted her to getting an onion and some mushrooms out of the refrigerator for me.  At that moment, she didn't quite feel she could even do that!  She was in shame. :(
I told her, "I'll help you!" So she complied.

While I was chopping up onions and mushrooms, I talked to her....
"It must be so frustrating that things don't come easy for you! " (she is not where her sisters are in History) "I remember when I was a little girl just feeling so lost sometimes when I was trying to read and find the answer to a question!"  
"Is that how you are feeling?" 
She shook her head yes, and her whole demeanor changed.  She wrapped her arms around my waist and said, "I'm sorry mama!"
"That's ok, sweetheart!"  "I understand!" 
"Just think, when I was young, I struggled in school, and I already knew English!"
"You have only been learning English for 3 years! And there was a lot of chaos in the beginning that may have caused it to be so hard to learn!"

"When we are stressed, it is very hard to learn."
"So let's not waste any more time!"

And she is back to her books, happily looking up her words. :)
Her window is now back to being wide open!

This happened in a matter of less than 15 minutes!
Brought to you by a BCLC moment! :)

2 comments:

Muddled Muse said...

I really like reading your examples of BCLC disciple-ship of your daughters. A couple of summers ago, when my youngest sister came to spend a week with us over the 4th of July, she started to have a melt down about not not having a red shirt to wear - (she forgot hers in Texas). I remembered your BCLC moment with your next door neighbor and said something like: "Wow - wearing that red shirt was really important to you." That got her to open up about wanting the day to be *perfect* and being upset because things were not going as she planned. (That was the real reason she was upset.) I like how with this method, you are directing your attention to what is behind the negative behavior, rather than punishing the behavior itself.

Christie Minich said...

That is awesome that you were able to get her to open up!

There is ALWAYS something behind a behavior.
I think as a society we spend so much time trying to manage symptoms (behaviors) and not the root causes (real reasons).
So we scold or punish and the real reason is never dealt with.

And in our own over reactions, which are BTW REACTIONS, not root causes, we wind up having to deal with ourselves! LOL
Classic over reactors, reacting to classic over reactors is just a difficult mix! :)
Sometimes, we have to deal with our own "fears" that are underlying... before we can deal with our children's behaviors. :)
Sort of like, take the PLANK out of your own eye before you try to remove the speck from your brothers. LOL
I will be writing a part two of this on how AFTER the fact, we then gently correct and disciple our children to work towards the goal of dealing with the real issue and recognizing how our sinful reactions effect others.
"How can we do that differently next time?"
etc.

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