“I pray because I can't help myself. I pray because I'm helpless. I pray because the need flows out of me all the time- waking and sleeping. It doesn't change God- it changes me.”
― C. S. Lewis
― C. S. Lewis
I believe in the sun even when it's not shining. I believe in love even when I don't feel it. And I believe in God even when He is silent. (quote found on the wall of a concentration camp)
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Wednesday, January 23, 2013
IT'S ANNIVERSARY TIME!
It is Alli's big Anniversary time. She has SO MANY anniversaries, they are hard to keep up with, but her birthday is just around the corner, and our coming together is not much further away. So, of course, that internal clock is ticking LOUDLY!
We had another incident last night with some bossiness that I have not seen since August!
I expected that old behaviors would come back to visit, and was surprised that they didn't at Christmas time!
My fingers were crossed for Birthday time..... but they are uncrossed now. LOL
I handled the bossiness very much like I did in my last post.... and when things were calm, she did ask, "What am I doing wrong?" Sometimes when our kids get in a funk, they don't recognize it.... ESPECIALLY if it has to do with more abstract things like tone.
So we sat together and I told her very matter of factly what she was doing wrong about her bossiness. I used humor to demonstrate it. Her response was, "I don't sound like that!"
Ummm. yes dear, you do! :)
I mentioned the incident earlier where she shut down, and told her that these behaviors have not been around to visit us in quite a while! Can you tell me what is going on in your heart?
As we spoke, I mentioned to her that it is normal to be anxious sometimes.
"Can you tell me what is on your mind?"
At first she said, no. We waited a few minutes and then she said yes.
She spoke quietly, with her head down.... "I've been thinking about my other brother and sister all day. I miss them. And then she began to cry.... And I've been thinking about my mama.
Of course, our family is so weird, I had to ask, "Which one?" After All, I'm number FOUR! :)
She looked at me and smiled .... "My first mama, in Russia."
I took her in my arms and said, "Of COURSE you are thinking about them!"
"It is close to your birthday and you came from your mama's body! It is where your little life began! I am so thankful that you were born!"
"I want you to know, IT IS OK, to love them!" "IT IS OK TO LOVE THE MAMA WHO GAVE BIRTH TO YOU!"
"Your birth mama was an alcoholic, and had many problems, but that does not mean she didn't have love for you!" "Of course she did!"
(Alli has several precious memories of time with her birth mama, cooking, watching her mama by the stove, and walking."
She cried a little bit. I felt this was a good time to share with her the little bit of information I received a few weeks ago from her first adoptive family. I had been hoping for a little more information before I shared, but it didn't come.....
I let her know that they are not angry with her, and are very happy that she is happy.
This gave her some much NEEDED relief, because she has hung onto guilt for a long time over her first adoptive family. The loss of her brother and sister has been great. :( I pray that at some point, they will be able to exchange letters or even meet. I pray that when they are all adults, they will be able to reunite in a healthy way.
I TOTALLY understand and respect the first family's need for privacy. We have needed that privacy too! But I do pray that at some point, a letter can be sent.....or pictures exchanged.
After our talk last night, we went through the plans for her upcoming birthday, and what to expect. We talked about the good in her life and how sometimes we can get overwhelmed dwelling on the past, which we cannot change.
Looking to the future and making the best of the life we have to live, is the best direction for success.
When we give our lives to the Lord, we are RIGHT where he wants us to be! We can't go forward and see what is ahead, looking in the rear view mirror! :)
Life is a journey. Alli is like a small rose bud that is just beginning to unfold. I am excited for her, and the life she has ahead of her. I am proud to be a part of it.
There are days when we struggle together to keep our eyes on the goal. But through those struggles we learn to be strong.
Yesterday, as we were talking, she mentioned that at 12 years old, you have barely even begun to live your life! Such wisdom! She is right.... And we talked about how much of a wonderful life is ahead of her.
She then revealed to me another little worry. She had read in an Ewitness Book about being a crime detective, (she likes Nancy Drew), she read about how there was a man who's father was a convict and the son was also a convict....and the book inferred that the son was because his father was...as if it was inevitable. She was VERY worried about this for obvious reasons!
I told her that some of those opinions are simply Philosophical opinions, NOT based in TRUTH, just some observation. Just because you were abused does not mean you will abuse. Just because your parents were alcoholics does not mean you will be an alcoholic. Just because somebody is a thief, it does not mean their child will also be a thief!
These are MEN's Ideas!
BUT GOD..... is in the business of intervention! He is in the business of taking us from the path we are on; one leading to destruction, and placing us on the path of life! He is in the business of turning us around! 180's!
We are ALL capable of walking a path of destruction, including those who come from GOOD homes where there was no addiction or abuse!
Choosing a different way, making that decision NOW, will lead to a very different circumstance!
CHOOSE TO LIVE YOUR LIFE WITHOUT REGRET!!
She asked me, "Mama, what do you think I'll be like when I grow up?"
I replied, "I think your are going to be a wonderful and outstanding mama! You are already showing wonderful qualities when you are around little children. And I think you can do whatever you set your mind to!"
It is TRUE..... And TRUTH sets us free. :)