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In this life we can not always do great things. But we can do small things with great love.." :) Mother Teresa

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― C. S. Lewis

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I believe in the sun even when it's not shining. I believe in love even when I don't feel it. And I believe in God even when He is silent. (quote found on the wall of a concentration camp)

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Wednesday, April 10, 2013

What Is A Mom?

"My mom", "My other mom", "My third mom", "My first foster mom" "My last foster mom"......"My Russian Mom", "You are my favorite mom".....
 LOL.... yes, these are normal in our house.
(I looked up images on google for a mom picture and this was the first one that showed up)
So it is official... I look like a mom! LOL
Sometimes when we are having fun conversations, talk about other things that have happened come up.  Using our square cheese grater reminds Alli of Russia, and preparing a meal with her Russian mom. When Anna goes clothing shopping she is reminded of foster care. Sometimes candy will remind her of a particular foster mom, and eating cereal off of the floor will remind her of another one.

The truth is, they have all had other moms! I am 6th in a line of moms for Anna.  5th or 6th  in a line of moms for Alli, if I were to include her respite care providers.
So what IS a mom, and how do our kids establish who we are in their lives?
Of course everybody has a birth mom. That is the person who cared enough to give you life.  Maybe they couldn't care for you, or didn't want to.  Maybe they were too afraid, or were told things that caused them to not keep you. Or maybe they couldn't care for you due to substance abuse.
 These are the realities of the birth mom. 

Foster moms come into the lives of our children when they are placed into state care.  Some are committed to loving a child that will not be staying with them forever.  Others not so much. There 
are many reasons people foster kids, and I would like to believe that they are all good, but reality is, they aren't.  I am so thankful for the committed foster parents out there who truly want what is best for the children in their care. 
And finally, there is the adoptive mom.  She is the one who is the last stop.  She is the final mom; or not.  Sometimes there is more than one adoptive mom before our children are finally settled. This has happened twice in our home with our girls.  One has had two adoptive moms, and the other has had three!
 The final adoptive mom  is the one who is safe enough for our children to take their hurts to, after all that rejection.   She sees the good, the bad and the ugly... but she also gets to see the success, the love and  the growth.
She gets to see the end result
as she commits her life, laying it down for another!  And it is great reward! She is the one who gets to help her child sort through the tangled mess that trauma can bring, and delights when she sees a light at the end of a very dark tunnel.
And guess what?  Our children know that we are their final mom.
They know because they slowly but surely learn to trust us. They know because we prove it to them day in and day out... loving them tenderly, coming along side them, leading and guiding them from fear, to love.

There is no time for the final mom  to feel sorry for herself, if things have been hard.  There is no time to blame others. There is no time to blame the child who has suffered.  There is no room for anger towards any other mom. There is no room for unforgiveness.  These things must be dealt with personally, and continuously given over to the Lord to bear. We as moms, cannot bear those burdens. We were not designed to.
When we take them on, it causes us spiritual harm and we cannot parent as we should.
There is only room for love. It is not our place to worry about what God has not given us.  He has given us our children.  They are to be our focus.
In reading 1st John 4:18-21, he says,

"
18 There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment. The one who fears is not made perfect in love. 19 We love because he first loved us. 20 If anyone says, "I love God," yet hates his brother, he is a liar. For anyone who does not love his brother, whom he has seen, cannot love God, whom he has not seen. 21 And he has given us this command: Whoever loves God must also love his brother.
Moms, this is how we need to walk.  In love, not fear.  Perfect Love casts out fear. :)  Isn't that awesome!  When our perspective is in line with Christ; we do not fear.  We do not fear for our child's future. We do not fear for tomorrow.
 Christ is there to walk with us
all along the way!  The circumstances may not change; life is not perfect, and as long as we are in this imperfect world, there will be trials. 
But how we
view those trials can cause us to live out our lives in peace and love, or chaos and anger.
I choose love.
How about you?

3 comments:

Angel Rodriguez said...

I chose love too!! High five from someone with a not so typical family as well. I really love your pictures and they brought up a lot of awesome memories! I'm also an adoptive parent and 3 of my 4 have special needs. I'm a complete newb to blogging, but I'm inspired by the blogs I've visited, like yours, during UBP13! =) Come check out my not so typical family as well! =) www.wiselearners.com or on facebook at www.facebook.com/wiselearners

TheCoffeys said...

This was a very convicting post Christie, but in a very good way. God has been teaching me this very thing! I used to think I was a very merciful, loving person but He has been showing me "Yeah, not so much Sherrie!" He has brought me a long way but I know I have farther to go. Only He can help me to love like He does.

Dawn said...

Thank-you. Again.

You Are Still Holy

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