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Saturday, April 27, 2013

The Onion


I really like the correlation of the onion in regards to trauma.  The onion has a very thin paper shell layer on the outside that doesn't make your eyes water.  But it is dry and lifeless.

When you get to the next layer, your eyes really don't sting or water,  but that layer has a strong aroma.  The more you cut into your onion, and peel back the layers, the thicker they are and the more pungent.  Your eyes begin to tear up and it is hard to stand there and continue to cut that onion.
You want to turn away..... as it is hard to face.

With trauma, the surface doesn't seem so hard.  And you can function , on a surface level,  not dealing with anything.  But relationships can remain surface. 
And it is OK to stay there and rest.  After all, a runner doesn't learn to run a marathon in a day, a week or even a month.   It takes a long time to build up endurance.
Sometimes the deeper things are too much, and need to be left to rest a while. 

But that time comes when it is time to go back to work and cut some more into that onion.  Coming at it this time with the safety and security of  parents makes a huge difference because parents walk through it with you.  Looking at the scary things and sorting through them with better understanding can keep us from being haunted by the past.

This week with Miss Alli has been very productive in the onion/layer/discovery area. :)
Some things were shared from long ago in Russia that had been haunting her.  It doesn't shock me that she just might have some "issues" with what happened to her little life, and the events afterwards.

It is my prayer that someday, her bio siblings can step in that gap and help her to remember and process the things that occured when she was just 7 years old.  Another person's perspective can shed light on those memories; especially because they were  older than she was, and may remember things from an older child perspective.  Possibly they can fill in the gaps for her.

I don't know about you, but there are very few things I remember from when I was 7, and those things I do remember, I remember with the understanding of a seven year old.  However, traumatic things are catalogued and remembered in our brains as traumas, and working through them is important.
I am so pleased that our sweetie has used some of the tools we have given her to process her loss.
Her journal has proven to be a great asset to her.  Writing letters that may never be delivered, but writing them anyway, and video projects have helped her too.  She  made a a video gift<<<---- Linked for her sweet sister for her birthday in 2012.
She may never get it, but it made Alli feel better to make it.

She loves her bio siblings and misses them terribly.  She worries about them; if they are ok, or if they miss her or are sad or mad at her.  Those are normal feelings. 

Those questions in her heart may  or may not be answered in this lifetime.  I pray that no matter what happens, she will be able to accept her circumstances and remain steady, knowing that God is in control, and HE is enough.


2 comments:

Hope Anne said...

Yes. . . sometimes knowing God knows and cares and loves them is all that can get our kids through trauma . . . To teach them that and to model His love as well as we can is the best gift we can give our kids I think.

Aus said...

Yeah - what you said - there are things that I have had children - now adults - relate to me that I did...things I don't even remember...that were of great value (or not!) to them when they were young...

When we "see" - we see with the eyes that are colored by our past experiences - and for our kids with "needs" - we support folks (read parents / caregivers / or just friends) need to see with their eyes - not ours!

Great work and brilliant analogy!

hugs - aus and co.

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