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Sunday, July 15, 2012

Attachment and Babies and Adoption and Connection



Over the weekend, our son Marcus and Ivy came over with our grandsons Will and Charlie and our grand daughter Olivia.   As I was watching Olivia, aka... "Miss Butter".... I was once again struck by how INTENSE the mother-baby connection is... and in  her case, the Father-baby connection... :)  She so intently looked at them with the most ADORING expressions.  Everytime she heard her mama's voice, her eyes were searching for her, and when she saw her, there was this look of pure BLISS!  Miss Olivia, is 3 months old, and has had NUMEROUS connections with her mama and daddy these 3 months.
They coo at her and adore her and laugh with her and try to get her to interact and smile, and she responds with total and complete trust!
(I could kick myself for not getting a video of what I am trying to describe)

As Ivy and I were talking, I mentioned, "Look how intent she looks at you!"  And then I told her how it made me think of the girls, and how ALL THOSE YEARS  passed, and they had NOBODY to coo at them and love on them.
Ivy's reply was, "I know!"  "I think about that too!"
And then we told Olivia what a fortunate baby she was to have such loving parents to dote on her. :)

Today, as I was driving with Anna to the grocery store, there was a service type announcement on the news radio.  They were encouraging parents to read to their babies, talk to them in full sentences and sing to them. :)  I thought, "That is a good announcement!"  But they went further:
"This is the sound of a baby's brain wave who does not have a parent read to them, or sing to them..... and it was one of those flat notes..... that you might think of when a signal goes out.    And then they said, "this is the sound of a baby's brain wave who has parent's who sing and read and talk to them. The signal was making all sorts of sounds and bouncing around.....

I felt tears well up in my eyes. I know it sounds silly , as this was a simple commercial announcement. But in our home, and family, we have 4 little girls who had that flat brain wave for YEARS!     And it makes me rejoice in AWE that they are doing so wonderfully after YEARS of neglect and abuse.
I also felt tears of joy for Miss Butter, and all of my other grand children and my boys who DIDN'T suffer that type of abuse or neglect.  I am thankful for each of my adult children and their wonderful wives; my other adult children who are WONDERFUL parents!

And finally, I felt a sense of gratitude that I get to be mom to such wonderful girls.  I am so thankful that I can love on them and coo at them and make them smile, even at the ages they are now.  I am thankful that they have each been placed into our home to be LOVED, unconditionally, and forever. :)
There is hope to recoup the lost time that our children endured.  Those years of silence, rocking in cribs, being neglected and hungry; there is hope for connection, healing and LOVE. RAD can HEAL. PTSD can HEAL.... FEAR can HEAL.  YES IT CAN!
OH YES THERE IS HOPE! DON'T DOUBT IT FOR ONE MINUTE.... :)

It is REAL.





Oh my beautiful, wonderful girls..... You are precious not only to us, but to GOD.  HIS heart broke when your hearts broke.  But OH the JOY that has come.......  WE LOVE YOU!


 Jeremiah 29:11   For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. 
Amen!

Fear Not! For I have redeemed you
I have called you by your name, you are mine
When thou pass through the water, I will be with you
And through rivers they shall not overflow
When you pass through the fire you shall not be burned
 Neither shall the flame kindle upon thee
For I am the Lord thy God!
Isaiah 43


2 comments:

r. said...

Have you ever seen the documentary Babies? It follows four babies from four different cultures throughout their first year(ish) of life. It's great! Not all the babies get what we in the U.S. would consider "attachment" parenting--for instance, the Mongolian baby is left alone for periods of time while his parents tend to the farm--but they're all clearly loved and treasured.

It may bring up some strong feelings and intense discussions about what adopted kiddos missed out on as babies, but it's pretty good. I'd also recommend it for those families out there whose kids don't yet speak much English or don't speak yet, period. Since there is no narration, the language barrier isn't an issue! I know of one blogging family that began a tradition of watching the documentaries while doing their (African American) daughter's hair. The little girl had been in an all-white foster home prior to joining their family and hadn't had her hair done much or seen other African Americans have their hair taken care of, and at two years old and without much language, it was hard for them to explain to her what was going on. So they watched the movie during hair time and the little girl loved the scenes of the Namibian mom caring for her baby.

Mike and Christie said...

Thanks for the link R. I would like to see that! And thank you for the blog link too. :)

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