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Wednesday, November 19, 2008

Hypervigilant Heart Protection Mode

This is the term I have come up with to best describe one of our darling daughters who shall remain unnamed, when she gets into a mood that causes all of us grief.(she gets a case of the snautys; which might include folding of arms or rolling of eyes and sometimes an escaped blank stare off into space because she doesn't want to do something that was unplanned) And to make sure that she protects herself even more, she'll say, she knows she won't regret anything. Of course she always does, which is a comfort, but she'll make sure to let us know that she doesn't. :)

I know what works to get her out of HHPM, or to head her down the right path, but what I haven't figured out is how to prevent it all together.

Parenting a child who has past trauma can be very counter-intuitive in nature. What causes a child to become HHPM may make no sense or have any connection to what is going on at all. Accepting that, is one of the keys to dealing with it head on.
Things don't have to make sense. They just are.

Sometimes just taking them in the other room and rocking them and soothing them does the trick to get them back onto the right path, and then you can talk later when things are calm and hearts are open to receive. Other times, that is just not possible, like this A.M. when I had to take Sarah to the Therapy appointment and she didn't know I was leaving, and she couldn't come.

I have found that being able to plan ahead and prepare her is what works best for her, but that is not always possible either. AND, in the real world of everyday life, that isn't going to be probable. Right now she is a little girl, but soon, she will be a teenager and then an adult and the world is just unpredictable.

I can see that our job as parents for her will be to transition her into adulthood and try to help her achieve the personal tools needed to weather the unpredictability of the world. Easier said than done.

One thing though, that ALL of us CAN truly count on, is the unconditional love of our Heavenly Father. His constant and true care for us, even if it seems He isn't listening. He is. We can count on His word to guide us. We can count on his loving hand to hold us, and we can count on His eternal forgiveness.

We were talking to the girlies about this very fact last night during our Family Worship time. But we also were talking about the need for us to be willing to receive love, to open our hearts and be vulnerable.

And that is exactly the root issue I have seen in my one darling daughter's little life.
She opens up, and then closes up, then opens up and closes up. It is as if she remembers, "Oh yea, I can't do this, it will hurt too much and I must be in control," and then she shuts down.
The good thing is that we have seen 3 steps forward 2 steps back, then 3 steps forward, then more forward, then 2 steps back, etc. and we are always moving forward.

Over this next year, we are going to throw a few more surprises her way and try to help her learn to accept the unplanned. In this family, that isn't so hard. LOL
I have to work really hard to PLAN!
So, I guess what I'm saying is I am PLANNING to be a little more carefree on certain things and then work on helping her to develop coping tools.


Anybody got any new tool ideas? LOL

Mine is always STOP, DROP, AND PRAY!

One interesting thing: When I returned from our therapy appt., she had done exactly what she was supposed to with a cheerful heart. :)

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