BROODING of course! :)
20 days until hatch day. :)
The Minich Family Blog: Every Family Has A Story...Welcome To Ours
Thursday, October 6, 2011
Wednesday, October 5, 2011
The Disturbing World of the Pearls
JUST IN CASE!! TO MAKE IT CLEAR::::: I THINK THE PEARLS AND THE BOOK TO TRAIN UP A CHILD ARE EXTREMELY DISTURBING . What I have written below are excerpts from the first book and a little from the website. CM
I was challenged the other day, that I was being unfair to the Pearl's teachings and that it was unfair that they were being brought into 3 recent murder cases. I think it would be safe to say there are COUNTLESS child abuse cases where they are "center stage".
So, what I did, was take it to heart.
I decided that I would go back and read the ORIGINAL book that I skimmed years ago and decided it was not for us.
The newer book, I have not read, and may need to get to compare. What I did notice in the Lydia Schatz case, was that her parents had the old version of the book. I didn't see the copies of the other families involved.
The website still contains information that was so disturbing I had tears reading it.
Michael Pearl gets upset and says people are taking what he says out of context. He says that he has never advocated beating a child. He says he has never advocated child abuse and people just don't understand what he is saying. So, I took that to heart. EVEN in HIS BOOK, he says this.
But his book is very schizophrenic. He says that, and he also says the opposite.
You really do need a tutorial for his book, because the words he uses do not mean the same things that you would think they do.
His opening premise is and I quote IN CONTEXT:
"Training does not necessarily require the trainee be capable of reason; even mice and rats can be trained to respond to stimuli.Careful training can make a dog perfectly obedient. If a seeing eye dog can be trained to reliably lead a blind man through the obstacles of a city street, shouldn't a parent expect more out of an intelligent child? A dog can be trained not to touch a tasty morsel laid in front of him,. Can't a child be trained not to touch? A dog can be trained to come, stay, sit, be quiet or fetch upon command. You may not have trained your dog that well, yet every day someone accomplishes it on the dumbest mutts. Even a clumsy teenager can be trained to be an effective trainer in a dog obedience school."
So, there you have it. Pearl compares children to mice and dogs. And a couple of paragraphs later starts with TENNNN--HUTTTT!!!!! He believes in training children like you would for the military. NO thinking allowed!
My son Joe commented that, "Military training is specifically designed for out of the ordinary circumstances like WAR, so you don't think and will do something dangerous and even contrary to your gut feeling. We don't want our children to NOT THINK!"
Pearl uses the word train = to switch
Pearl uses the word chastise= spank
Pearl uses the word discipline= beat
His words are progressive and to read the book properly, you must know this. When he says TRAIN, he is talking about physical use of plumber supply line, switches from trees. When he says chastise: he uses both a little harder, and when he used the word discipline, he even mentioned paddle and belt.
He says quote:
"There is much satisfaction in training up a child It is easy and challenging." (which is it, easy or challenging?)
"When my children were able to crawl, (in the case of one, roll) around the room, I set up training sessions. "
So he set his INFANTS up so they could be "trained" or switched..... On his website, I down loaded an article where he described in DETAIL switching his baby at 4 months old for trying to go onto the stairs. He says he switched (him or her) several times and finally layed the switch on the stairs and the baby stayed away from the stairs.
In fact, he suggests having switches all over your house because you will need them on average 4 or 5 times a day! YIKES! REALLY!!!!! Golly if you had 5 kids, that is 25 sessions a day in hitting kids.
Oh, I forgot, it isn't hitting. They don't hit. They train. (sarcasm intended)
Back to the book: He has a section called "Come when I call you", where a 10-12 month old baby is in "booty camp"..... yep that is what he said.
He suggests getting them deeply interested in a toy and then going in the other room and calling them. If they don't come, the father explains the necessity of immediately coming when called....
The baby is returned to the toy and left alone long enough to again become engrossed in the toy. Another call.... father explains , sets child up again. This time, child is "lightly spanked" and "lectured"! "The father continues this THROUGHOUT THE EVENING until the child readily and immediately responds to a summons. Thereafter, until the child leaves home, he is expected to drop everything and come upon the first call. As long as the parents remain consistent, the child will consistently obey. This "obedience training" is carried out in the utomost patience and concentration. The spanking should not be viewed as punishment but as reinforcement to commands"
Really??? You explain details to a baby and expect them to understand and then spank them???
But when you spank him you aren't punishing him, just training him?????
Frankly, if an animal was trained in this way, it would be a very dangerous animal.
I have DEEP concern about what he says about children who have not been "trained' at an early age.
TRAIN=switched, especially ADOPTED children.
The following is an exact quote:
To Do My Duty
When the time comes to apply the rod, take a deep breath, relax and pray, "Lord, make this a valuable learning session. Cleanse my child of ill-temper and rebellion. May I properly represent our cause in this matter." No jerking around. No raised voice. The child should be able to anticipate the coming rod by your utterly calm and controlled spirit. At this point, IN UTTER PANIC, he will rush to demonstrate obedience. NEVER reward delayed obedience by reversing the sentence. (this is so hard for me to type, because I can just feel how this fits in the case of Lydia Schatz and Hana Williams)
And unless all else fails, don't drag him to the place of cleansing. Part of his training is to come submissively. (training meaning switching) However, if you are just beginning to institute training
on an already rebellious child, who runs from discipline and is too incoherent to listen, then use WHATEVER FORCE is necessary to bring him to bay. If you have to sit on him to spank him, then do not hesitate. And hold him there until he is surrendered. Prove that you are bigger, tougher, more patiently enduring and are unmoved by his wailing. DEFEAT him TOTALLY. Accept no conditions for surrender. No compromise. You are to rule over him as a benevolent sovereign. Your word is final.
He goes on to say.....
"Use your own judgment as to what is effective. I found five to ten licks usually sufficient. Sometimes, with older children, usually when the licks are not FORCEFUL enough, the child may still be rebellious. If this occurs, take time to instruct and then continue the spanking. A general rule is to continue the disciplinary action UNTIL THE CHILD IS SURRENDERED. A spanking is made effective, not by its severity but by its certainty. Spankings don't have to be as hard where they are consistently applied.Your calm dignity will set hte stage to make it more effective. "
Ok, that is all I can type on this right now, it is too upsetting. He will use extreme verses about beating and uses the word through out his book, yet then says spankings don't have to be as hard as long as you are consistently applying them?? WHAT? SO, if they don't hurt, why would a child be in UTTER PANIC???
On his website yesterday in the section "The Rod" he describes that the backside of a child is where to strike them.. This can be the back down to the feet.
And that is what happened to Lydia and Hanna. :(
My next post will be about his screwed up theology regarding children..... Oh my.... it is oh so perverted and strange.
And then there are NUMEROUS examples of not allowing a child food and various strange ideas on what to do if a child does anything including a baby cry if they fall down. Oh yes, he says "switch them". UGH
I was challenged the other day, that I was being unfair to the Pearl's teachings and that it was unfair that they were being brought into 3 recent murder cases. I think it would be safe to say there are COUNTLESS child abuse cases where they are "center stage".
So, what I did, was take it to heart.
I decided that I would go back and read the ORIGINAL book that I skimmed years ago and decided it was not for us.
The newer book, I have not read, and may need to get to compare. What I did notice in the Lydia Schatz case, was that her parents had the old version of the book. I didn't see the copies of the other families involved.
The website still contains information that was so disturbing I had tears reading it.
Michael Pearl gets upset and says people are taking what he says out of context. He says that he has never advocated beating a child. He says he has never advocated child abuse and people just don't understand what he is saying. So, I took that to heart. EVEN in HIS BOOK, he says this.
But his book is very schizophrenic. He says that, and he also says the opposite.
You really do need a tutorial for his book, because the words he uses do not mean the same things that you would think they do.
His opening premise is and I quote IN CONTEXT:
"Training does not necessarily require the trainee be capable of reason; even mice and rats can be trained to respond to stimuli.Careful training can make a dog perfectly obedient. If a seeing eye dog can be trained to reliably lead a blind man through the obstacles of a city street, shouldn't a parent expect more out of an intelligent child? A dog can be trained not to touch a tasty morsel laid in front of him,. Can't a child be trained not to touch? A dog can be trained to come, stay, sit, be quiet or fetch upon command. You may not have trained your dog that well, yet every day someone accomplishes it on the dumbest mutts. Even a clumsy teenager can be trained to be an effective trainer in a dog obedience school."
So, there you have it. Pearl compares children to mice and dogs. And a couple of paragraphs later starts with TENNNN--HUTTTT!!!!! He believes in training children like you would for the military. NO thinking allowed!
My son Joe commented that, "Military training is specifically designed for out of the ordinary circumstances like WAR, so you don't think and will do something dangerous and even contrary to your gut feeling. We don't want our children to NOT THINK!"
Pearl uses the word train = to switch
Pearl uses the word chastise= spank
Pearl uses the word discipline= beat
His words are progressive and to read the book properly, you must know this. When he says TRAIN, he is talking about physical use of plumber supply line, switches from trees. When he says chastise: he uses both a little harder, and when he used the word discipline, he even mentioned paddle and belt.
He says quote:
"There is much satisfaction in training up a child It is easy and challenging." (which is it, easy or challenging?)
"When my children were able to crawl, (in the case of one, roll) around the room, I set up training sessions. "
So he set his INFANTS up so they could be "trained" or switched..... On his website, I down loaded an article where he described in DETAIL switching his baby at 4 months old for trying to go onto the stairs. He says he switched (him or her) several times and finally layed the switch on the stairs and the baby stayed away from the stairs.
In fact, he suggests having switches all over your house because you will need them on average 4 or 5 times a day! YIKES! REALLY!!!!! Golly if you had 5 kids, that is 25 sessions a day in hitting kids.
Oh, I forgot, it isn't hitting. They don't hit. They train. (sarcasm intended)
Back to the book: He has a section called "Come when I call you", where a 10-12 month old baby is in "booty camp"..... yep that is what he said.
He suggests getting them deeply interested in a toy and then going in the other room and calling them. If they don't come, the father explains the necessity of immediately coming when called....
The baby is returned to the toy and left alone long enough to again become engrossed in the toy. Another call.... father explains , sets child up again. This time, child is "lightly spanked" and "lectured"! "The father continues this THROUGHOUT THE EVENING until the child readily and immediately responds to a summons. Thereafter, until the child leaves home, he is expected to drop everything and come upon the first call. As long as the parents remain consistent, the child will consistently obey. This "obedience training" is carried out in the utomost patience and concentration. The spanking should not be viewed as punishment but as reinforcement to commands"
Really??? You explain details to a baby and expect them to understand and then spank them???
But when you spank him you aren't punishing him, just training him?????
Frankly, if an animal was trained in this way, it would be a very dangerous animal.
I have DEEP concern about what he says about children who have not been "trained' at an early age.
TRAIN=switched, especially ADOPTED children.
The following is an exact quote:
To Do My Duty
When the time comes to apply the rod, take a deep breath, relax and pray, "Lord, make this a valuable learning session. Cleanse my child of ill-temper and rebellion. May I properly represent our cause in this matter." No jerking around. No raised voice. The child should be able to anticipate the coming rod by your utterly calm and controlled spirit. At this point, IN UTTER PANIC, he will rush to demonstrate obedience. NEVER reward delayed obedience by reversing the sentence. (this is so hard for me to type, because I can just feel how this fits in the case of Lydia Schatz and Hana Williams)
And unless all else fails, don't drag him to the place of cleansing. Part of his training is to come submissively. (training meaning switching) However, if you are just beginning to institute training
on an already rebellious child, who runs from discipline and is too incoherent to listen, then use WHATEVER FORCE is necessary to bring him to bay. If you have to sit on him to spank him, then do not hesitate. And hold him there until he is surrendered. Prove that you are bigger, tougher, more patiently enduring and are unmoved by his wailing. DEFEAT him TOTALLY. Accept no conditions for surrender. No compromise. You are to rule over him as a benevolent sovereign. Your word is final.
He goes on to say.....
"Use your own judgment as to what is effective. I found five to ten licks usually sufficient. Sometimes, with older children, usually when the licks are not FORCEFUL enough, the child may still be rebellious. If this occurs, take time to instruct and then continue the spanking. A general rule is to continue the disciplinary action UNTIL THE CHILD IS SURRENDERED. A spanking is made effective, not by its severity but by its certainty. Spankings don't have to be as hard where they are consistently applied.Your calm dignity will set hte stage to make it more effective. "
Ok, that is all I can type on this right now, it is too upsetting. He will use extreme verses about beating and uses the word through out his book, yet then says spankings don't have to be as hard as long as you are consistently applying them?? WHAT? SO, if they don't hurt, why would a child be in UTTER PANIC???
On his website yesterday in the section "The Rod" he describes that the backside of a child is where to strike them.. This can be the back down to the feet.
And that is what happened to Lydia and Hanna. :(
My next post will be about his screwed up theology regarding children..... Oh my.... it is oh so perverted and strange.
And then there are NUMEROUS examples of not allowing a child food and various strange ideas on what to do if a child does anything including a baby cry if they fall down. Oh yes, he says "switch them". UGH
Miss Broody Britches.....aka Midnight
We gave an unplanned Science Experiment! They are usually the best kind! We have a chicken who has gone broody. Today is her second day of sitting on eggs. She has 4 of them. So during the month we will document her behavior which is mostly..... brooding. LOL
We will document how often she gets up to stretch and we will hopefully watch the chicks hatch out of their shells. The average chicken sits for 21 days before eggs hatch.... I'll post updates and hopefully catch the process on video when they are ready to come into the world. :)
Tuesday, October 4, 2011
Three Steps Forward!
We are in the 3 steps forward mode right now, and I am ENJOYING IT! :)
Yesterday and today have gone really well. :) All 4 girls ALL at the SAME TIME, have been GREAT!
One thing happened today that could have gone either way, and I am so proud of Alli for making the right decision!
It was time for school to be over and the girls were going to go on a bike ride. Right before they left, I asked Alli, "Did you finish all of your school work?"
She said, "Yes Maam."
And for some reason, I just didn't remember her doing her phonics today.
So I asked, "May I please check your phonics book?"
She handed it to me, and I checked. She had not done it.
So, I explained that before bike riding she would have to do her phonics. She didn't groan....
and I went on to explain that I was concerned she told me she did all her work, and she didn't.
I asked her, "What does that tell mommy?"
She immediately said, "Mommy, I lied, and I am very sorry. I'll do my work right now."
I have to say, I was really surprised at her willingness to confess and repent. I believe she really was sorry. We hugged and I put the timer on for 30 minutes. She CHEERFULLY did her work! And when she was done, she was so proud of herself.
This is something we have been working toward for a long time. :)
She and her sisters went for a long walk afterwards so Erika could be included. (Erika cannot ride a bike)
I am really thankful that Alli was able to be honest. I am thankful that during prayer time she thanked the Lord for helping her to be honest. :)
Yesterday and today have gone really well. :) All 4 girls ALL at the SAME TIME, have been GREAT!
One thing happened today that could have gone either way, and I am so proud of Alli for making the right decision!
It was time for school to be over and the girls were going to go on a bike ride. Right before they left, I asked Alli, "Did you finish all of your school work?"
She said, "Yes Maam."
And for some reason, I just didn't remember her doing her phonics today.
So I asked, "May I please check your phonics book?"
She handed it to me, and I checked. She had not done it.
So, I explained that before bike riding she would have to do her phonics. She didn't groan....
and I went on to explain that I was concerned she told me she did all her work, and she didn't.
I asked her, "What does that tell mommy?"
She immediately said, "Mommy, I lied, and I am very sorry. I'll do my work right now."
I have to say, I was really surprised at her willingness to confess and repent. I believe she really was sorry. We hugged and I put the timer on for 30 minutes. She CHEERFULLY did her work! And when she was done, she was so proud of herself.
This is something we have been working toward for a long time. :)
She and her sisters went for a long walk afterwards so Erika could be included. (Erika cannot ride a bike)
I am really thankful that Alli was able to be honest. I am thankful that during prayer time she thanked the Lord for helping her to be honest. :)
Anna and Alli
I love how each of the girls relate to each other. Erika and Alli have a tender, older sister, younger sister relationship and Alli really looks up to Erika. In fact, she has been quoted "If mom goes to the store, we have to listen to Erika!"
Anna found that though Amusing! :) After all, she is only 5 months younger than Erika. :)
Anna is Alli's comic relief sister. :) They get along well and Alli loves to hear Anna tell jokes.
I think they are bonding very nicely! :)
Anna made this card for Alli today. :)
Anna found that though Amusing! :) After all, she is only 5 months younger than Erika. :)
Anna is Alli's comic relief sister. :) They get along well and Alli loves to hear Anna tell jokes.
I think they are bonding very nicely! :)
Anna made this card for Alli today. :)
Monday, October 3, 2011
How Many More Days Until......
CHRISTMAS!!!! AHHHH!
That was Alli's question today. LOL The season is starting to change and she saw Halloween Candy at the store. That means, Thanksgiving, and Anna's birthday and then Christmas! She is so excited that she will be home for each of these huge events! :)
The girls have been telling her all about the Reformation Party in Celebration of Reformation Day...on October 31. She is really looking forward to it.
She is also looking forward to getting her own ornament. I love the process of making new memories for each of the holidays.
WELCOME FALL!
That was Alli's question today. LOL The season is starting to change and she saw Halloween Candy at the store. That means, Thanksgiving, and Anna's birthday and then Christmas! She is so excited that she will be home for each of these huge events! :)
The girls have been telling her all about the Reformation Party in Celebration of Reformation Day...on October 31. She is really looking forward to it.
She is also looking forward to getting her own ornament. I love the process of making new memories for each of the holidays.
WELCOME FALL!
Sunday, October 2, 2011
I AM SO ANGRY!!!! HERE WE GO AGAIN!
HERE WE GO AGAIN! (Click on this link for news story)
I am not one to ban books, but FRANKLY! The PEARLS NEED TO BE BANNED!
Another black eye for the adoption community and for the home schooling community!
REALLY PEOPLE.... THE PEARLS ADVOCATE CHILD ABUSE!!!!!
Another child is DEAD! DEAD MEANS YOU KILLED THEM! MURDERED THEM!!!!
GOOD HEAVENS WHAT IS WRONG WITH PEOPLE!
I am not one to ban books, but FRANKLY! The PEARLS NEED TO BE BANNED!
Another black eye for the adoption community and for the home schooling community!
REALLY PEOPLE.... THE PEARLS ADVOCATE CHILD ABUSE!!!!!
Another child is DEAD! DEAD MEANS YOU KILLED THEM! MURDERED THEM!!!!
GOOD HEAVENS WHAT IS WRONG WITH PEOPLE!
Pray For Our Brothers and Sisters in Chains
Saturday, October 1, 2011
Friday, September 30, 2011
Precious Sister Love
Each one of them is on TEAM MINICH as always. But today, I'm going to talk a little about Erika. :)
Erika has overcome so much herself and she is a beautiful, sweetheart. Erika learned how to knit when she had her feet amputated. She started on a knitting loom like the one Alli is holding. She decided to teach Alli how to knit too. Alli has really taken to it, and they sit together every day and talk and snuggle and knit.
The other day when Alli was a little frustrated with her math.... I watched Erika walk by her, put her arm around her and kiss her on the cheek. That was exactly the affirmation Alli needed. Erika is very sensitive and has very keen intuition. :)
Alli ADORES Erika. They have developed a very close relationship and it is precious to see.
Thursday, September 29, 2011
OH MY! SOMETHING FUN!
I played banjo when I was younger. When I was 19, my banjo was stolen in a robbery. I got it back the next year, and then it got broken. Life had its twists and turns and I never replaced it.
I started feeling like I wanted to play it again.....35 years later. LOL
So, I looked on EBAY and found this lonely old banjo that somebody had purchased from a Pawn Shoppe and had sitting in their closet the last few years. I bid on it. CHEAP.... and I was the only bidder.
I WON!
So..... my Banjo arrived today!!!!
Oh the Anticipation!
WHAT A MESS!
And there it is, in all its oldness! :)
I took it to Guitar Center and had it restrung... he said the head is in good shape and I didn't even need a new bridge. :)
So, with new strings and a new pick, Erika and I headed home.....
So here I am.... ready to try:
And here is my try: I have a LOT of catching up to do!
And somehow..... I think I am going to have dueling banjos here soon....... :)
I started feeling like I wanted to play it again.....35 years later. LOL
So, I looked on EBAY and found this lonely old banjo that somebody had purchased from a Pawn Shoppe and had sitting in their closet the last few years. I bid on it. CHEAP.... and I was the only bidder.
I WON!
So..... my Banjo arrived today!!!!
I took it to Guitar Center and had it restrung... he said the head is in good shape and I didn't even need a new bridge. :)
So, with new strings and a new pick, Erika and I headed home.....
And here is my try: I have a LOT of catching up to do!
And somehow..... I think I am going to have dueling banjos here soon....... :)
The Importance of Punctuation
It could save your life! :)
This SHOULD read: GRANDMA'S..... Do Not Eat!
All Ya-Yas and Grandmas thank you for getting it right!
Yes, the second one is correct!Wednesday, September 28, 2011
When God Intervenes
God intervenes in our lives and gives to us circumstances in life that will cause us to grow in Him. He uses us, if we let Him, as HIS HANDS and HIS FEET and we extend HIS LOVE to those around us, when we are willing to do so. And when we do, we see great things. GREAT things, not just in other's lives, but in our own lives too.
I found this quote on "Wrong In All The Right Ways" blog. God does not begin by asking us about our ability, but only about our availability, and if we then prove our dependability, he will increase our capability. I have found it to be so true. :)
Oh how we MUST depend upon our Lord. :) He is not optional, He is our very life source.
We have had wonderful smoothe sailing waters with Miss Alli, and then tumultuous waters with Miss Alli. Today, I will refer to both, because HEALING involves stretching and pain.
The last two days have been so healing..... but they have been hard too.
One of Alli's biggest fears is that if we think she has told a lie, that will mean we don't love her anymore. So she'll say, "If you think I lied, then you don't love me!" Well, she DID tell a few lies, and we confronted those lies, and she clammed up with tears and anger and yelling and accusing and saying, "Well, since you don't believe me, you DON'T love me!"
Both Mike and I calmly spoke truth to her last night and confronted her. She was going to have NONE of it. We prayed and went to bed.
This morning.... she awoke as a rather agitated bear. She was still not ready to deal with truth. In fact, it took her a good part of the day.
We decided at about 9:00, it was time to confront her head on. YOU ARE LYING AND WE LOVE YOU! We worked together through the fall out of that statement. That means, we held her while she tried to throw a major tantrum..... she exhausted herself. We remained her constant. We were firm, honest and truthful with her.
We love you... You lied.
Once we got a calm sense from her.... as she exhausted herself.... we were able to directly address her deepest fear. The abandonment fear. The one that says, "If you really know me, and how shameful I can be, then you won't love me." That fear!
We hit it head on today.......
I told her the dreams I have for her. I look forward to the day when she is a happy teenager and says, "Mom, I'm going to the movies!" "Mom, can I borrow the car!" "Mom, I met this really nice man!"
"Mom, we are going to get married!" "Mom, I'm going to have a baby!" "Mom, I love my baby so much!" And I look forward to the day when she holds that little one and loves them deeply and NEVER hurts or abandons them. I look forward to the day when she can tell her story, of how GOD worked in her life, and how HE changed her from the inside out! I look forward to the day when she stands before a group and teaches them about God's LOVE and MERCY..... those are my dreams for her. Her tears flowed.
And there was calm for about 2 hours.
Then came math.
She was back at it.
This time, however, after she ran to her room and slammed the door shut.....
I took a deep breath and waited for about 5 minutes.
When I went in.... I felt that there were some specific things to say. They were different.
I did not address the behavior but the shame behind the behavior.
"I bet you feel so badly behaving in such a way!"
"I bet you feel really scared, like we won't love you anymore."
And then the tears flowed once again. She said she was so ashamed, but didn't know how to stop it.
At that point I said, "This is how you stop it." "You go and wash your face and hands, and then, we go and do your math." It is that simple!
She did it! She calmed herself while washing and then finished her math in a few minutes. (literally!)
After that, she finished the rest of her school.
She expressed that she doesn't know why she behaves in such a way. I believe that. I don't think she knows why. I DO think I know why. 11 years of NO instruction whatsoever, and a trauma background , along with total rejection from 2 other families have deeply wounded her!
And the rest of today has been great. I am confident that we turned a huge corner with her facing her fear of rejection. Her being able to admit to her lie is HUGE.
I actually received a nice note from her saying, "Mama, I'm sorry I lied"... but it was spelled liyd. :)
"I love you".
I'm sure we have much more ground to cover. :)
But tonight during our prayer time, she confessed her sin to the Lord and asked for forgiveness.....with each specific thing she had done today. :) And then, she mentioned to the Lord what she would like to become.... "I want to be a loving lady. I want to be truthful and honest and kind when I grow up."
And that places everything into perspective, because I want the same thing. :)
I found this quote on "Wrong In All The Right Ways" blog. God does not begin by asking us about our ability, but only about our availability, and if we then prove our dependability, he will increase our capability. I have found it to be so true. :)
Oh how we MUST depend upon our Lord. :) He is not optional, He is our very life source.
We have had wonderful smoothe sailing waters with Miss Alli, and then tumultuous waters with Miss Alli. Today, I will refer to both, because HEALING involves stretching and pain.
The last two days have been so healing..... but they have been hard too.
One of Alli's biggest fears is that if we think she has told a lie, that will mean we don't love her anymore. So she'll say, "If you think I lied, then you don't love me!" Well, she DID tell a few lies, and we confronted those lies, and she clammed up with tears and anger and yelling and accusing and saying, "Well, since you don't believe me, you DON'T love me!"
Both Mike and I calmly spoke truth to her last night and confronted her. She was going to have NONE of it. We prayed and went to bed.
This morning.... she awoke as a rather agitated bear. She was still not ready to deal with truth. In fact, it took her a good part of the day.
We decided at about 9:00, it was time to confront her head on. YOU ARE LYING AND WE LOVE YOU! We worked together through the fall out of that statement. That means, we held her while she tried to throw a major tantrum..... she exhausted herself. We remained her constant. We were firm, honest and truthful with her.
We love you... You lied.
Once we got a calm sense from her.... as she exhausted herself.... we were able to directly address her deepest fear. The abandonment fear. The one that says, "If you really know me, and how shameful I can be, then you won't love me." That fear!
We hit it head on today.......
I told her the dreams I have for her. I look forward to the day when she is a happy teenager and says, "Mom, I'm going to the movies!" "Mom, can I borrow the car!" "Mom, I met this really nice man!"
"Mom, we are going to get married!" "Mom, I'm going to have a baby!" "Mom, I love my baby so much!" And I look forward to the day when she holds that little one and loves them deeply and NEVER hurts or abandons them. I look forward to the day when she can tell her story, of how GOD worked in her life, and how HE changed her from the inside out! I look forward to the day when she stands before a group and teaches them about God's LOVE and MERCY..... those are my dreams for her. Her tears flowed.
And there was calm for about 2 hours.
Then came math.
She was back at it.
This time, however, after she ran to her room and slammed the door shut.....
I took a deep breath and waited for about 5 minutes.
When I went in.... I felt that there were some specific things to say. They were different.
I did not address the behavior but the shame behind the behavior.
"I bet you feel so badly behaving in such a way!"
"I bet you feel really scared, like we won't love you anymore."
And then the tears flowed once again. She said she was so ashamed, but didn't know how to stop it.
At that point I said, "This is how you stop it." "You go and wash your face and hands, and then, we go and do your math." It is that simple!
She did it! She calmed herself while washing and then finished her math in a few minutes. (literally!)
After that, she finished the rest of her school.
She expressed that she doesn't know why she behaves in such a way. I believe that. I don't think she knows why. I DO think I know why. 11 years of NO instruction whatsoever, and a trauma background , along with total rejection from 2 other families have deeply wounded her!
And the rest of today has been great. I am confident that we turned a huge corner with her facing her fear of rejection. Her being able to admit to her lie is HUGE.
I actually received a nice note from her saying, "Mama, I'm sorry I lied"... but it was spelled liyd. :)
"I love you".
I'm sure we have much more ground to cover. :)
But tonight during our prayer time, she confessed her sin to the Lord and asked for forgiveness.....with each specific thing she had done today. :) And then, she mentioned to the Lord what she would like to become.... "I want to be a loving lady. I want to be truthful and honest and kind when I grow up."
And that places everything into perspective, because I want the same thing. :)
Oh To Be HIS Hands Extended.....
The photo was taken by Mike Wells, to show the extent of starvation in Africa. He took it for a magazine, and when they went 5 months without printing it, he decided to enter it into a competition, but did not want money for the photo.
It is said, "Pictures are worth a thousand words", and this one certainly fits that category. The hand is that of a missionary in Uganda holding the hand of a dying boy. It does not say the boy's age....
We saw many children in Ukraine that were too small for their ages due to neglect and not enough food. I have seen video of children in orphanages who are starving to death. Some of you have brought home children who were hours away from dying because of a lack of food.
I am priveledged to know a handful of folks out there who have changed the lives of children forever. I am priveledged to know those who go day in and day out and minister to the orphans that are etched in our memories. May we NEVER EVER forget those left behind. :(
That is what haunts me the most; the ones who are left behind.
I bet this missionary never thought he would be holding such a precious little hand and sharing a loving moment in such a dire time. I am sure he was changed forever, just as each of us who have gone overseas and seen the orphanages, are changed forever. May we all continue to be the Hands and feet of Christ and never cease working until He comes!
I challenge each of you who have an adoption/family/ blog to repost this photo. People are STARVING while we are laughing and playing and going to restaurants, throwing out more food than many of these people have seen in a lifetime. :(
Monday, September 26, 2011
Growing
I am so proud of Anna. She is going to be 13 in a couple of months. Last week she had kitchen duty. She did such a great job and I never had to ask her to do anything all week. I was really impressed! :)
Thank you Anna!
And of course she did suggest that if we adopted 52 kids, she would only have kitchen duty for 1 week out of the year! LOL
Thank you Anna!
Sunday, September 25, 2011
We Saw Dolphin Tale
We went to see Dolphin Tale at the theater today. :) I mentioned the movie was coming out in a post here.
I have to say, we REALLY enjoyed the movie. The theater was the largest one, and it was nearly sold out. It was full all the way to the front. I am really happy that Hollywood made a decent family movie with a good message!
It was the message of "NEVER GIVE UP!" At the end of the movie there was a bit of film showing all kinds of people with various disabilities and amputations visiting Winter the Dolphin. It was really touching.
If you haven't gone to see it, I highly recommend it.
You can see Winter and Clearwater Aquarium here.
And now: a Special Review for kids with Trauma backgrounds:
The main Character in the movie is a little boy named Sawyer. He is adorable, but his father had abandoned the family. His Uncle was going off to war and he was very sad. The dolphin came into his life at just the right time, and his spirits were raised.
His Uncle came back from war, injured. He didn't have missing limbs, but had to wear a brace and couldn't walk at first. He was more emotionally damaged than physically damaged, and Sawyers first visit with him was not good. He asked him to leave. Sawyer very quickly said, "Your accident effects more people than JUST YOU!" And it was done very well.
What is GOOD, is that his uncle wheels out to catch him and says that it wasn't Sawyer..... he just wasn't ready to see anybody yet.
Eventually Sawyer and his uncle are back to normal, or their new normal, and Sawyer give a public speech where he looks at his uncle and says, "Family is FOREVER!" You don't give up on your family.
The other possible issue is Hazel's mother has died. She lives with her dad. All of this is handled very tastefully.
I think, that because of these statements, a child with Trauma can get through this movie with a new understanding. But that is a personal decision. We all know our kids best. Alli handled it really well.
I think the other great thing this movie has done is make an unitentional plug for amputees across America. There was a little girl IN the movie who was missing a leg. It also called attention to the FABULOUS job our prosthetists do for us, and the complications of fitting a limb. The sock incidents were humorous to me, because we have had many of those. :) Also, the dolphin's reaction to the first prosthetic, reminded me of our son Tim, when he got his first braces. He was MAD! He didn't want them and refused them...... Once they were fitted correctly and he became more confident, he was fine with them. :)
SO, would this movie be good for a kid with a trauma background. I think yes.
Saturday, September 24, 2011
Things I NEVER Thought I'd Have To Say!
As a mom, I never dreamed of the things I would need to tell my children over the years.....
Here are a few including some from years ago with the boys:
No, you may not go outside naked!
Please don't ever throw the rabbit over the fence!
Don't make guns out of your peanut butter sandwiches!
Don't fish for your brother!
Please Take Tim's Cabbage Patch Doll OFF of the noose!
Please don't spread your arms and say "It is finished!"
Your brother said "Gunnery"?
Ok, don't say "gunnery"!
Don't put dresses on the Tom Cat.
Don't EVER tell big boys your brother is going to beat them up!
You Traded our brother's CRANE for Tooth paste and a tooth brush??
You'll choke if you swallow Brussel's Sprouts whole!
No we do not climb on the school roof!
Please take your glasses off before you fight!
Do not put beans in your ears OR your nose!
Please don't take the baby's pacifier.
Don't hold your doll by the neck or the foot!
What do you mean you went door to door to tell jokes and made 35 Cents!
I know you want to be different, but you actually look like everybody else who THINKS
they are looking different!
Medians are NOT for driving over, just because there is a driveway on the other side!
YES we got new furniture! Why did we wait so long? Did you see our old furniture???
We had to wait until you went to college. :)
You better take her on a date, she flew all the way from Maryland to see you!
If your sister is bleeding in the driveway, it is best to come and tell mommy, not just come in for a hug.
Don't wrestle the goat!
Didn't you see your sister laying next to you on the floor while you were blowing bubbles
in the mirror?
NO! Daddy does NOT act like a rooster.
Please don't baptize the duck!
Yes, mommy and daddy are married.
Don't cry sweetie, Mommy and Daddy have been married a LONG time!
Please keep your leg by the bed at night, then you won't lose it!
Be careful, your toe is about to fall off!
No it is not ok to walk barefoot just because you can't feel anything.
BE CAREFUL... .Don't fall! Please!
NO YOU CANNOT drive! You're 12!
YOU WHAT??? When did he let you drive????
Don't forget to pack your legs.
We can drop your leg off tomorrow and pick it up on Friday.
Please don't kiss the goat.
I'm sorry I didn't see you laying there!
Please don't tell people our food had a name, it will ruin their appetite.
NO you SHOULDN'T have removed your leg and layed it on the sidewalk and hid behind the mail box to scare the nice lady!
You don't have cancer, that is a mosquito bite!
No you may NOT hide your sisters leg! Body parts are off limits!
You said the "S" word???
Oh yea..... Stupid is NOT nice to say! nor is Shut Up for that matter.
NO S words are nice to say!
Ok, you can say, sweet and smile.....
Your teacher was wrong.... YOU CAN LEARN!
No, it was not your fault that they abandoned you.
No, we are not going to sell you for your body parts.
Yes, Sarah is still alive!
I bet you look just like her. :)
I can't imagine the pain in your heart.
Hi, My name is Mrs. Minich.... I'm here to keep you safe.
Do you have any questions before we go home?
This is your sister Anna, would you like to order some french fries?
I don't know all the answers, but God does.
Can you trust me just a smidge?
AND: We will Never, EVER EVER EVER EVER EVER give up! EVER! :)
and another EVER after that one.
What are a few of the things YOU never thought you would have to say? :)
Here are a few including some from years ago with the boys:
No, you may not go outside naked!
Please don't ever throw the rabbit over the fence!
Don't make guns out of your peanut butter sandwiches!
Don't fish for your brother!
Please Take Tim's Cabbage Patch Doll OFF of the noose!
Please don't spread your arms and say "It is finished!"
Your brother said "Gunnery"?
Ok, don't say "gunnery"!
Don't put dresses on the Tom Cat.
Don't EVER tell big boys your brother is going to beat them up!
You Traded our brother's CRANE for Tooth paste and a tooth brush??
You'll choke if you swallow Brussel's Sprouts whole!
No we do not climb on the school roof!
Please take your glasses off before you fight!
Do not put beans in your ears OR your nose!
Please don't take the baby's pacifier.
Don't hold your doll by the neck or the foot!
What do you mean you went door to door to tell jokes and made 35 Cents!
I know you want to be different, but you actually look like everybody else who THINKS
they are looking different!
Medians are NOT for driving over, just because there is a driveway on the other side!
YES we got new furniture! Why did we wait so long? Did you see our old furniture???
We had to wait until you went to college. :)
You better take her on a date, she flew all the way from Maryland to see you!
If your sister is bleeding in the driveway, it is best to come and tell mommy, not just come in for a hug.
Don't wrestle the goat!
Didn't you see your sister laying next to you on the floor while you were blowing bubbles
in the mirror?
NO! Daddy does NOT act like a rooster.
Please don't baptize the duck!
Yes, mommy and daddy are married.
Don't cry sweetie, Mommy and Daddy have been married a LONG time!
Please keep your leg by the bed at night, then you won't lose it!
Be careful, your toe is about to fall off!
No it is not ok to walk barefoot just because you can't feel anything.
BE CAREFUL... .Don't fall! Please!
NO YOU CANNOT drive! You're 12!
YOU WHAT??? When did he let you drive????
Don't forget to pack your legs.
We can drop your leg off tomorrow and pick it up on Friday.
Please don't kiss the goat.
I'm sorry I didn't see you laying there!
Please don't tell people our food had a name, it will ruin their appetite.
NO you SHOULDN'T have removed your leg and layed it on the sidewalk and hid behind the mail box to scare the nice lady!
You don't have cancer, that is a mosquito bite!
No you may NOT hide your sisters leg! Body parts are off limits!
You said the "S" word???
Oh yea..... Stupid is NOT nice to say! nor is Shut Up for that matter.
NO S words are nice to say!
Ok, you can say, sweet and smile.....
Your teacher was wrong.... YOU CAN LEARN!
No, it was not your fault that they abandoned you.
No, we are not going to sell you for your body parts.
Yes, Sarah is still alive!
I bet you look just like her. :)
I can't imagine the pain in your heart.
Hi, My name is Mrs. Minich.... I'm here to keep you safe.
Do you have any questions before we go home?
This is your sister Anna, would you like to order some french fries?
I don't know all the answers, but God does.
Can you trust me just a smidge?
AND: We will Never, EVER EVER EVER EVER EVER give up! EVER! :)
and another EVER after that one.
What are a few of the things YOU never thought you would have to say? :)
Friday, September 23, 2011
Me and My Wonderful Loving Dad...by Erika
This Post is from Erika. I found it on her blog tonight. I am so touched. What a precious daughter I have. :)
Me and My Wonderful Loving Dad
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I have a great gift from God and many others. One of them is my Inspiring,Caring, and Loving father.
The first time I met My mom and Dad, my words were, where have you been, I have been waiting for you for 50 years!
I use to dream big about having a loving family. Seeing other kids being adopted made me want to dream more for a loving family. Sarah was my friend in the orphanage, my true friend. When she was adopted, I felt so Scared, so Sad, and Angry, Losing my only true friend.
I was left in a dying crib for four years, everyone thinking I was not going to live. After four years, I was taken out and was put in an orphanage for three more years. Mom and Dad came and I was so happy.
Today we are all a family. It so amazing how God worked to put Sarah and I together as sisters. Not only me best friend, but has been my sister for 5 years.
I also have my sister Anna, that is funny, Sarcastic, loving, and Caring. She makes me laugh when I don't feel good or when I am sad. I love her very much.
And Also Alli, my Silly, wonderful, Loving, and Caring Sister. She cares for me when I am hurt or when I am sad. She loves to spend time with me. And I love her Dearly.
And now I come to my loving parents. My mom is very gentle with me. She is every thing all in one. She gets worried when Fall. She will set down with me and hold me and when I need her to. She is everything to me. Not long ago she told me I was turning into a beautiful young lady, inside and out.And I love her so very much..
And my Dad. It is hard to describe him. He is Daring, Silly, Sarcastic,Loving, and many. He loves to give me and my sisters hugs. He loves to love.
Today I stood with my dad and gave him a hug. While giving him that hug, it made me think about 15 or 20 year later I wont have my dad standing their able to give me a hug. I soaked that moment in loving my dad very much, hoping the moment would never be over.
If you think about your Dad or your Mom, the are a gift from God, they are very special.
After Losing my dearest Grandfather, it made me want love my Dad and my mom even more.
Every Day, Week, and Month we get closer to our death. Tell your loved ones that you love them while you have the chance to say.
So I got to soak another moment with my dad last Thursday.
Me and him leaving to go.
We turned up the radio really loud and rocked every place we went.
We could also call in and ask for a song we wanted to listen to .
So dad told me to call and ask for one that is not very popular. The radio station couldn't find it, so we called in and asked for another hard one.
He took me out to Cristina's and we had a wonderful time.
We had some great food.
Mom was very jealous!!
It was very Good. We prayed and had a great dinner.
It was very special to me and meant a lot.
He also took me to Guitar Center, and I got a guitar tuner.
It was a wonderful Time.
Me and Dad came home and I thanked him and gave him a long hug.
Love you very Much Dad!!!
And thank you.
Thanks for Reading.
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