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Saturday, September 24, 2011

Things I NEVER Thought I'd Have To Say!

As a mom, I never dreamed of the things I would need to tell my children over the years.....
Here are a few including some from years ago with the boys:

No, you may not go outside naked!
Please don't ever throw the rabbit over the fence!
Don't make guns out of your peanut butter sandwiches!
Don't fish for your brother!
Please Take Tim's Cabbage Patch Doll OFF of the noose!
Please don't spread your arms and say "It is finished!"
Your brother said "Gunnery"?
Ok, don't say "gunnery"!
Don't put dresses on the Tom Cat.
Don't EVER tell big boys your brother is going to beat them up!
You Traded our brother's CRANE for Tooth paste and a tooth brush??
You'll choke if you swallow Brussel's Sprouts whole!
No we do not climb on the school roof!
Please take your glasses off before you fight!
Do not put beans in your ears OR your nose!
Please don't take the baby's pacifier.
Don't hold your doll by the neck or the foot!
What do you mean you went door to door to tell jokes and made 35 Cents!
I know you want to be different, but you actually look like everybody else who THINKS
they are looking different!
Medians are NOT for driving over, just because there is a driveway on the other side!
YES we got new furniture! Why did we wait so long? Did you see our old furniture???
We had to wait until you went to college. :)
You better take her on a date, she flew all the way from Maryland to see you!
If your sister is bleeding in the driveway, it is best to come and tell mommy, not just come in for a hug.
Don't wrestle the goat!
Didn't you see your sister laying next to you on the floor while you were blowing bubbles
in the mirror?
NO! Daddy does NOT act like a rooster.
Please don't baptize the duck!
Yes, mommy and daddy are married. 
Don't cry sweetie, Mommy and Daddy have been married a LONG time!
Please keep your leg by the bed at night, then you won't lose it!
Be careful, your toe is about to fall off!
No it is not ok to walk barefoot just because you can't feel anything.
BE CAREFUL... .Don't fall! Please! 
NO YOU CANNOT drive! You're 12!
YOU WHAT??? When did he let you drive????
Don't forget to pack your legs.
We can drop your leg off tomorrow and pick it up on Friday.
Please don't kiss the goat.
I'm sorry I didn't see you laying there!
Please don't tell people our food had a name, it will ruin their appetite.
NO you SHOULDN'T have removed your leg and layed it on the sidewalk and hid behind the mail box to scare the nice lady!
You don't have cancer, that is a mosquito bite!
No you may NOT hide your sisters leg! Body parts are off limits!
You said the "S" word???
Oh yea..... Stupid is NOT nice to say! nor is Shut Up for that matter.
NO S words are nice to say!
Ok, you can say, sweet and smile.....
Your teacher was wrong.... YOU CAN LEARN!
No, it was not your fault that they abandoned you.
No, we are not going to sell you for your body parts.
Yes, Sarah is still alive!
I bet you look just like her. :)
I can't imagine the pain in your heart.
Hi, My name is Mrs. Minich.... I'm here to keep you safe.
Do you have any questions before we go home?
This is your sister Anna, would you like to order some french fries?
I don't know all the answers, but God does.
Can you trust me just a smidge?


AND:  We will Never, EVER EVER EVER EVER EVER give up! EVER! :)
 and another EVER after that one.

What are a few of the things YOU never thought you would have to say? :)



6 comments:

Holly said...

Ahahah! I love the ones about hiding legs (or doing other strange things to legs) and about dad not being a rooster! Hilarious!

Strangest thing I've ever caught myself saying to a child (in my class, not my own child, obviously!): "No. That (a piece of broken pen) is NOT the 'Key of Death'. Go and put it into the bin.". o.O

Milena said...

Now you made my Sunday morning start in a great way! I'm laughing so hard that my children ask what I am reading :-)

My personal favourites of yours are "please don't baptize the duck" and "don't forget to pack your legs".

At the moment I can't remember any of the strange things I've had to tell my children, but I do know there are quite a few interesting things I've told my daughter.... She's quite unaware of what people think, and what other children kind of understand by themselves she has to be told...

Christine said...

"You'll choke if you swallow Brussel's Sprouts whole!" Love it!
Chope them up, sautee them n garlic and butter-- I bet they'll eat them then!

:)De said...

Just said this yesterday to the 3 year old: "Please don't eat the spiderwebs from the windowsill!" and "YUCKY!!!! We do not eat dead flies!! Go find something nice to play with!"

Guess I better clean my windowsills better.

Chiara Elena said...

Since I don't have kids, but I live with my mom, who is getting younger and younger as she ages...

Don't eat off the floor
Don't kiss the cat on his mouth
Don't eat in bed and don't spill on it!
You never told me that
You already told me that
Have you taken all your meds?
How's your BP this morning?
Yes you can borrow my shoes
Don't wreck my car, turn the lights on and drive with both hands on the steering wheel
Call me when you get there even if it is the middle of the night
Do you have an extra jumper - umbrella - pair of shoes?
Turn that PC off!
Don't be picky!
Stop shouting and come in here to tell me that!
You have caught the flu because you don't wear wool undergarments (very Italian)
As soon as you will not be able to oppose that I will give you aerosol treatments and put drops into your nose (she is just terrified from those two, I use them to scare her when she won't go have blood exams - she is at risk for ictus)

my baby is Camilla, and she just turned 65 years old

Scott Rogers said...

(All true)

"Miracle-Gro is for flowers, son. I'm not a flower. Eating Miracle-Gro will NOT make my leg grow back."

"No, I cannot feel you tickling my foot."

"No you may not take my leg to school for show and tell. I don't care how 'cool' your friends think it is."

"Okay, which one of you crumb-snatchers hid my leg?"

"Does running away from a one legged man make you feel like you're superior? You're still in trouble buddy, and it's a double measure for you!"

"Alright, enough is enough! Which one of you painted my toenails?"
(Nobody fessed up. That 'Nobody' character sure gets away with a lot of stuff at our house!)

"Son, this isn't David Letterman. I am not going to do 'stupid human tricks' for you."

There are hundreds if not thousands more 'isms' they've said to me over the past 14 years - the above are just the recent ones.

God, I love my kids!

You Are Still Holy

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