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In this life we can not always do great things. But we can do small things with great love.." :) Mother Teresa

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― C. S. Lewis

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I believe in the sun even when it's not shining. I believe in love even when I don't feel it. And I believe in God even when He is silent. (quote found on the wall of a concentration camp)

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Wednesday, September 28, 2011

When God Intervenes

God intervenes in our lives and gives to us circumstances in life that will cause us to grow in Him. He uses us, if we let Him, as HIS HANDS and HIS FEET and we extend HIS LOVE to those around us, when we are willing to do so.  And when we do, we see great things. GREAT things, not just in other's lives, but in our own lives too.
I found this quote on "Wrong In All The Right Ways" blog. God does not begin by asking us about our ability, but only about our availability, and if we then prove our dependability, he will increase our capability. I have found it to be so true. :)
Oh how we MUST depend upon our Lord. :) He is not optional,  He is our very life source. 
 We have had wonderful smoothe sailing waters with Miss Alli, and then tumultuous waters with Miss Alli.  Today, I will refer to both, because HEALING involves stretching and pain.

The last two days have been so healing..... but they have been hard too. 
One of Alli's biggest fears is that if we think she has told a lie, that will mean we don't love her anymore.  So she'll say, "If you think I lied, then you don't love me!"  Well, she DID tell a few lies, and we confronted those lies, and she clammed up with tears and anger and yelling and accusing and saying, "Well, since you don't believe me, you DON'T love me!"
Both Mike and I calmly spoke truth to her last night and confronted her.  She was going to have NONE of it.  We prayed and went to bed.
This morning.... she awoke as a rather agitated bear.  She was still not ready to deal with truth. In fact, it took her a good part of the day. 
We decided at about 9:00, it was time to confront her head on.  YOU ARE LYING AND WE LOVE YOU!  We worked together through the fall out of that statement.  That means, we held her while she tried to throw a major tantrum..... she exhausted herself. We remained her constant. We were firm,  honest and truthful with her.
We love you... You lied.
Once we got a calm sense from her.... as she exhausted herself.... we were able to directly address her deepest fear.  The abandonment fear. The one that says, "If you really know me, and how shameful I can be, then you won't love me."  That fear!
We hit it head on today.......
I told her the dreams I have for her. I look forward to the day when she is a happy teenager and says, "Mom, I'm going to the movies!" "Mom, can I borrow the car!" "Mom, I met this really nice man!"
"Mom, we are going to get married!" "Mom, I'm going to have a baby!" "Mom, I love my baby so much!"  And I look forward to the day when she holds that little one and loves them deeply and NEVER hurts or abandons them.  I look forward to the day when she can tell her story, of how GOD worked in her life, and how HE changed her from the inside out! I look forward to the day when she stands before a group and teaches them about God's LOVE and MERCY..... those are my dreams for her.  Her tears flowed.
And there was calm for about 2 hours.
Then came math.
She was back at it.
This time, however,  after she ran to her room and slammed the door shut.....
I took a deep breath and waited for about 5 minutes.
When I went in.... I felt that there were some specific things to say. They were different.
I did not address the behavior but the shame behind the behavior.
"I bet you feel so badly behaving in such a way!"
"I bet you feel really scared, like we won't love you anymore."
And then the tears flowed once again.  She said she was so ashamed, but didn't know how to stop it.
At that point I said, "This is how you stop it." "You go and wash your face and hands, and then, we go and do your math." It is that simple!

She did it! She calmed herself while washing and then finished her math in a few minutes. (literally!)
After that, she finished the rest of her school.
She expressed that she doesn't know why she behaves in such a way. I believe that. I don't think she knows why. I DO think I know why.  11 years of NO instruction whatsoever, and a trauma background , along with total rejection from 2 other families have deeply wounded her!
And the rest of today has been great.  I am confident that we turned a huge corner with her facing her fear of rejection.  Her being able to admit to her lie is HUGE.

I actually received a nice note from her saying, "Mama, I'm sorry I lied"... but it was spelled liyd. :)
"I love you".

I'm sure we have much more ground to cover. :)

But tonight during our prayer time, she confessed her sin to the Lord and asked for forgiveness.....with each specific thing she had done today. :) And then, she mentioned to the Lord what she would like to become.... "I want to be a loving lady. I want to be truthful and honest and kind when I grow up."

And that places everything into perspective, because I want the same thing. :)






 

3 comments:

Annie said...

Have you had an issue with any of your girls rejecting God? Both Anastasia and Ilya reject both God and anything to do with church and religion. Ilya got training in this at his orphanage. I noticed Communist newspapers in the teachers' lounge when we were there, and one day when I used the word "communist" in some context, he jumped to the defense of communism.

But, Anastasia worries me more. I feel as though she lost faith in God as she experienced neglect and abuse as an infant. Most of us experience God through our parents' love, and she experienced quite the reverse. It has become quite a conflict.

Mike and Christie said...

I have had them say "I don't know if I believe" or "I don't believe" when they were upset or angry. One of them did this for a time.

We cannot force belief, it is between them and God, but we do present the gospel in how we live and what we say.

We have taught them that faith is a gift. If you don't have faith, pray for it.... ask God for truth, He will be faithful to reveal that truth.

God is the ultimate Healer of our Hearts.

We have seen HUGE changes in Alli's perspective on life since she came to faith.

Chris said...

There you have it...the basic goals we have for our children...if they can only believe us. Bless you for your insight in Allie's life...it is not the math that was the problem...

You Are Still Holy

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