Happenings

Today has been a bit of a mixup of a day.  I woke up feeling sick, so had to go back to bed for awhile.
The girlies have their schedules already printed out, so at the right time, they started their school work, and for the most part did pretty well..... I helped Alli on my bed with her math....
After noon, we started our day. We started with lunch, which Erika is wearing very nicely on her shirt... and hair trimming .  :)

 Anna is working on another paint by the numbers. She LOVES doing them. And has completed 2 in the last month.

Sarah has discovered a new audio story that she can check out from the library. They are pretty neat.
She has spent lunch playing with her dolls and listening to a story.

The girls are also reading The Silver Chair in the Narnia Series. They read it aloud each day right before lunch..... 
We are winding down our school year..... and next month we will only be doing Math and Language Arts, as well as Library.   We will take off the month of July and first week of August, and we are really looking forward to taking the boat out on the lake once again.....

I do believe Summer is right around the corner!

Kids

The girlies have been in bed for about 1/2 an hour. I read them a chapter in "On the Banks of Plum Creek" and then they put in the new "Adventures in Odyssey" story CD..... They have been waiting to listen to it for a LONG time.....

Alli just ran out of bed and said, "Mama! The Odyssey CD is GREAT! It is scary! So scary, I don't want to get out of bed or anything!"  LOL....

"Well sweetie, then you better run get back in bed so you don't have to get out of it!"

I just love kids. :)

Tools Put to Good Use revisited

I posted this back in 2009....."Tools Put To Good Use".......

It cracked me up.... I was going to post about the happenings of today, but let's just save time and say, "The Names have been changed to protect the innocent", other than that, this about describes what I was going to post about. LOL  :)

CHANGES OVER TIME

Mike and I were talking to the girls about how things were so very different when we were kids.  We are not THAT OLD, but MUCH has changed since we were children.

When we were children, everything closed down on the weekends by Saturday at 6:00, and didn't open again until Monday a.m.  ALL stores and Malls were closed!
When I was a teenager, things started to loosen up and Stores started staying open until 9:00 on Saturdays, and then began to open at noon on Sundays.  This was scandalous! :)
There were never kids soccer games (soccer didn't exist) never BASEBALL games on Sundays; only on Saturday mornings. 
The Church Bells of the local Catholic Church rang Loudly for all to hear, and when we got into our car to travel to our own church, I admired seeing whole families WALK to the local Catholic church, women and girls with lace head coverings. 

Girls were required to wear dresses in school, until I was in High School.   It was unheard of for a girl to wear pants to school. 
Boys had to have their hair cut over their ears.
A box lunch was 25 cents.  The cafeteria lunch was 35 cents and ice cream cost 5 cents.

I remember the first time I had a McDonald's Hamburger .... it was .15 cents.
My parents used to send me to the local gas station to get a gallon of gas for the lawn mower.
I remember paying 32 cents for a gallon.

When we were kids we would go outside and play and be gone for hours, riding our bikes all over the place. I used to ride my bike to the library, the store, the park... When I was a teenager,  I used to clean house in the a.m. and take the bus to the beach, with my little brother where we really felt rather safe.

I remember where we lived jobs were very hard to get. Unions were heavily involved in the grocery stores and my sister had to join a union to sack groceries.   It took her forever to get a job just doing something like that.  I felt VERY fortunate to get a job at Burger King. There was much competition.
People could work one job on one salary and actually live. 
At the grocery store, the cash register was full of keys and each amount had to be entered individually. Each item had to have a price tag on it. If there was no price tag, then they had to call for a price check.  It took a long time to check out.  I distinctly remember my mom FILLING a HUGE cart to over flowing, and the average cost was around 27-30 dollars.  That same cart today would be in the 175-200 dollar range.

When I got married, but purchased our first car for 2, 500 dollars. Brand new!  Gas was in the 80 cent range and it was scandalous when it went over a dollar a gallon. :) I could fill my tank up for around 9 dollars.  Most of the time, I only had 5 dollars to put in.  Today, that might get us down the street and back. LOL

The news we had came from "The Daily Breeze" which was delivered by kids with paper routes that would collect money and get tips.  So the current events of the world, were very limited.
My dad would always watch the 6 o clock news and I would watch it with him.  During the Viet Nam War, they would have a still picture of a map of Viet Nam, and there would be stars marking where battles were being fought.  There was also a voice from a short wave radio that would report.
By today's standards, that is stone age technology~! LOL

There were no computers... and the word Google had to do with a guy named Barney in the comics.
There were no graphic images of war. There were no world wide threats to our sovereignty.
There were awful things that happened. JFK and Bobby Kennedy, assassinated. I remember both, but it was a different time.
Even though things happened, it wasn't on the level it is today. 
Makes me sorta sad for the world we are leaving our children. 
Some things are better.... but much is not.



 

2 1/2 Months. :)

Golly it seems longer than 10 and a half weeks.....It is such a short time, but it seems already like Alli has always been here.

 Alli has had such a wonderful week.  We continue to thrilled and thankful to the Lord for her progress.

This weekend, I decided to have things "unplanned" to see what would happen. Typically I have everything pretty scheduled so she keeps busy. This weekend, when we woke up, after sleeping in, there was nothing planned. At first, she didn't know what to do, and then she went and got busy. She helped shred papers with Erika which was great fun....(shredding old documents), then she played with the dog, with Sarah and Anna, and pretended to be from Australia. I heard Australian accents coming from everybody which carried into today. LOL

Later in the afternoon we did a little shopping, and I even let her have some extra time on the computer.

Her attitude overall has been wonderful! Not perfect, but wonderful!

(nobody is perfect) :)

She got creative in the afternoon and decided to make Lemonade without sugar.

Here is a video of her drinking her creation. :)

Saying Good-bye To A Dear Friend

There are times in our lives when it is time to move in a new direction.  For over a year, I have known it was that time, but I have avoided it, because change is just hard.  There have been rumblings and signs along the way..... and that still small voice saying "Now is the time"...... but I didn't heed.

Sometimes the Lord uses hardship to move us along when we are too pig headed to listen. :)
Yes, I am talking about me.

I have participated on an International Adoption Board for the last 5 plus years, and became very active. Too active. But my heart was to help.  Because of my participation there, I have not worked on the projects before me that I KNOW I am supposed to do....I even took a leave, but it wasn't long before I was back.
Last week however, proved a good time to move along. It was spelled out very clearly in my heart,  that it was time to go.  I am sure that the board will  go on just fine without me. There are many wonderful people in there who will continue the cause of helping others adopt, and helping others adjust to their new children.

And that is PRECISELY what I want to continue to do, just in on different avenue in a different town.
I will miss the board greatly, but at the same time, I KNOW that if I go back in, I won't leave and my project will remain 1/2 done.

I am clearly ADD.... LOL
So, I will be drinking lots of coffee to see if I can help myself concentrate on the hard stuff.
So, now that it has been several days, and my withdrawl is truly over.....I am happy to say
Au revoir....... it has been a lovely 5 years. :)

And now I'm ready to say, "Bonjour! Mon Ami"

gulp. :)

The Adorables Visited

I love it when my family visits. Today, Marcus, Ivy, Will and Charlie came over. Marcus is done with school for 5 weeks and then he has 1 more class before he gets his master's degree! Yea! I know a beautiful young bride who will LOVE having her man home! :)

The girls played restaurant with Ivy and Will, and Marcus and I took Charlie on the teeter totter.
He really likes it.  But when he is ready to get off, you have to watch him. He has no concept of height.
He will just try to get off in the air! LOL
He also discovered the dog, ran to see Papau with Will, and Marcus had fun making Charlie's hair stand on end. :)

Will had fun playing with balloons, with the kitchen on the porch and looking at the water globes.

And they BOTH had fun playing the piano.

Building Bridges

These two girls just crack me up! :)
I was NEVER able to do this kind of bending as a child...It hurts just to see it. LOL

I have to say, we are building other kinds of bridges over here too. :)
Last night, during our Family worship time, Daddy asked Alli to get her bible out.  She said she would rather share with Erika.  I can't exactly remember the words, but he asked her again to get her own bible out, because that is what he wanted her to do.
She curled up....
We were wanting to start our talk after  a good time of singing.

And then Daddy said, "Alli, I'm sorry if I hurt your feelings. I wasn't trying to hurt you...

And..... then he said, "Will you forgive me for hurting your feelings?"

AND>>>>>>>>>>>>>
Not only did she sit up, she said, YES, and I'm sorry, and she got her own bible out!!!!!!
I have been able to bring her around fairly easily, but daddy has had more trouble, very similar to what happened with Anna long ago.....

But then, not only did she turn her heart around, she readily participated! She was excited about what we were talking about, and she asked loads of questions.
Daddy's one humble statement, "I'm sorry, will you forgive me"...... turned her around.

He really DIDN'T mean to hurt her feelings. AND she is VERY sensitive sometimes.  She is learning VERY WELL not to be.... but she still is at times.
We have been able to talk with her about what happens when she feels overwhelmed and what causes it and she is becoming more aware that the problem isn't with everybody else in the world, but within her.   I am so proud of her.

This a.m. all went really well, and then in the afternoon she came up to me and said, "Mama, can I go out and see my daddy in the shoppe? "
I said, sure....
She had a  picture in her hand.
I asked, "Are you going to give him your picture?"  She said yes.... and I'm also going to tell him that I really love him and give him a hug too. :)
Last night, a HUGE BRIDGE was crossed!

Part of BCLC parenting is thinking outside the box.... It is trying to look at things from the perspective of the child who has so many wounds, so much trauma, and such a sad history.
It takes baby steps to get them to heal....little itty bitty steps, not huge strides.... But once those itty bitty steps get rolling, THEN you can see the huge strides start to take place....  If I look back at the beginning to now, there is so very much to rejoice over, even in such a short time.  

Daddy really didn't do anything wrong..... but Alli's PERCEPTION was that he was unkind. Her window of tolerance was not open very far....
Because that is how she took things, and it was not his intention for her feelings to be hurt, he apologized.  His humble apology and gentle love for her opened her window wide!  By not being defensive, he brought her defenses down and diffused her.

  They were able to talk some more later, and now she has a better understanding that when she is asked to do something, there is a purpose behind it, and daddy loves her. VERY MUCH.
He was so proud of her.

The 5 Minute Fan

NOT!    So thankful to have a new Ceiling Fan.... But Five Minutes???????

So, while we are NOT in bed YET!!!!! at 10:45.... the girlies are ALL sound asleep! :)

Tim and Ilse Generations

I talked to Tim today. He is such a happy daddy. :)  Here is Tim when he was about 2 weeks old.....

 Here is Ilsa at 5 days old......

It is amazing for me to watch Him see his daughter with the same love, same fears, same uncertainty as I had, when I saw him. Tim was MUCH sicker than Ilse, and she is going to be fine. When we took that picture of Tim, we thought he was not going to live.....

My heart hurts that Tim and Emily have to go through the separation of having Ilse in the Hospital... but I rejoice that she is OK and improving each day.......

Generations....... :)

Mother's Day and Such

Mother's Day was a big surprise!  I was asked what I wanted for Mother's Day, and just like my Daughter in Law Ivy,  I asked for a nice nap!

Well, not only did I get my nap, I also got:

and a trip to "On the Border" for a late lunch. Because we went later, there was no waiting! :)
(way to go daddy!) :)

The guys called yesterday and we each had a really nice talk......

And then, early this a.m. before I had to go to take Sarah to Scottish Rite Hospital, Anna and I snuck in a nice snuggle with her favorite friend Bob the Cat.

It was a wonderful Mother's Day!

Sarah's Doctor appt. went better than expected! She is still having trouble with pain, but they are going to try and relieve the pain by making extra room in her prosthesis.... and hopefully buy some time for a while.... She has some bone growth, but Dr. Herring feels that we may be successful without surgery!
YEA! That is a huge relief for me AND for Sarah. :)  Can't wait to see her dancing again.

Have A Blessed Mother's Day

Ilse Joy

Happy Mother's Day!

The Process

 Diana blogged about writing a letter to your child on RAD..... I decided to write about the process......
 Thanks for the idea Diana. :)
A Letter About What Happens.......

Dear Sweetheart,

I can't imagine how hard it must have been for you when you were born.... and placed in a bed, all alone. I can't imagine how scared you must have been when you didn't hear your mama's voice..... it was silent, except for the other baby next to you, who was longing for her mother's voice.   You both would coo and cry and hope that a mama would come... but they didn't.

When you were wet, it was so cold and nobody changed you.... when you were hungry, oh how your tummy must have hurt, but nobody fed you....

You learned not to cry.  It was a very sad day the day you learned that your cries meant nothing to anybody in this world.  Your world was very, VERY small. Just a crib, in a room... a dank, cold room.

Once in a while somebody would roughly handle you, and you were thankful for the quick touch and dry diaper.

You were thankful to get fed too and you didn't dare cry or they would put you back, alone, by yourself.

When you were old enough to crawl, there was no where to crawl. There was nobody to play with, there was nobody to see your sweet teeth come in and nobody to dress you in cute little clothes.

Nobody noticed you, so you stopped noticing anybody else.

Yes, you were Your own little lost soul... in your own little world. 

The short times of attention hurt you so much because they ended so quickly.

You must have been so afraid. So lonely... and you were brave and covered the pain, you couldn't cry...anymore! Nobody cared anyway.

You were moved from your crib to a group when you were 3..... there were other kids your age and you all shared clothes and food and were strapped to potty chairs for a good amount of the day.  You quickly learned to go potty, but nobody praised you... they just untied you until next time.

Then, one day, in your little life, a man and a woman came to your orphanage. They saw you, and they kept smiling at you...how odd.....
They made you feel scared.

They even tried to TOUCH YOU! This made you recoil in fear.

After several days of these people coming to see you, they brought you new and strange clothes... and they took you away from your friends.

You couldn't understand a word they were saying, but somehow you thought maybe it COULD be good... they were always smiling....

You were so scared at their touch... you didn't want to be touched, it almost hurt. 
They patiently stroked your back and rubbed your hair, and you learned it wasn't too bad..... you like hearing their soothing voice.

But, then, something started to happen in your heart. Feelings that you had never felt... longing to hear a voice struck your very soul and you recoiled once again.

Primaly, you remembered the loss of not hearing your mother, and you never wanted to feel that pain again.  So you pushed away the nice soothing hand, and the comforting voice with a big huge NOOOOOO!!!!!!

You didn't want to hurt again. You didn't want to trust again.... it is too hard. You are fine on your own, running your own life... doing your own thing.

Why did these people have to come and RUIN it all?? Why? Why couldn't they have left you in your numbness? In your emotional stupor?

Well sweetie, they didn't...
Because of a word called LOVE.

They wanted to love YOU! Of all the people that inhabit this planet... out of BILLIONS, YOU were chosen to love. 

They knew you would be scared. They knew it would be a huge sacrifice for you, and also for them.... because they knew they would need to give and give and give and give to help you to begin the path of healing....
And it hurts. It really does hurt.
But your new parents knew it would.

However, once you take that gentle step of trust... just a little bit...  just an itty bitty bitty bit...you will see that while your mommie's voice is not the same voice you missed for so long.... and longed to hear .... she DOES have a nice voice, and a nice touch and a gentleness about her that you admire.

And if you just open your heart just a little smidge.... and let her in, she will LOVE you with a love you have never known. 

It will be VERY scary at first... but pretty soon, you will know that you know that you know, that she will not leave you. She will not forsake you.  She will not abandon you....and you will be fed. You will be changed. You will be adored and admired, because yes my child, you deserve to be loved.
Yes you do!

A New Grand Baby

A new grand baby is always a great idea!  Last year I posted about a Miracle about to happen....
Well, Yesterday, it HAPPENED!  I should say SHE happened..... There is a new baby girl Minich. :)

She was a tad early and needs to cook a little longer at the NICU.... but she is doing well.

ILSE JOY MINICH.....   7 lbs. 9 oz.  I do not know how long..... but she is HERE!

Mommy and Daddy and big brothers Joey and Christopher are doing well!

Reading Bedtime Stories

We really like to read to the girls, and they don't seem to be too old to like being read to. :)  Many times, they will take the book and read it  themselves after we have read it out loud. 
I am embarrassed to say that I have never personally read Robinson Crusoe, be I am certainly enjoying it now, and so are the girlies. :)

How To Make A Peanut Butter Sandwich

Words are very important.... We need to be able to communicate properly so others understand us.

Here is a demonstration about why it is important to communicate well.

Grandsons!!!!

Becca sent this video to me of Sam and Truman at the park....

Ivy posted this one of Will, Joey, Bam Bam and Charlie.... Em's is in the hospital, perfectly preggo in every way.... except high blood pressure. :(   So Ivy has the boys. :)
I must say, Baby Charlie is the spitting image of his daddy. :)

Love all these little guys. :)

Disrespect Is Not To Be Tolerated

 I was asked this question:
Just curious, in your post you mention "disrespect" is never tolerated in the house to you or the girls... when someone gets disrespectful what exactly do you do?DS is starting to yell over everything and really mean at me but not because of me over other things but takes it out at me..

When I say "Disrespect" is never tolerated.... I do not mean it doesn't ever happen. I mean it is always addressed each and every time. (toleration would be to not address and just let it go unchecked)

Sometimes our kids don't KNOW they are being disrespectful...sometimes voice intonations SOUND disrespectful when that is not the INTENT. I would always err on the side of grace and mercy in this respect.
"I'm sure you are not intending to sound disrespectful....  But this is how your are sounding."
And explain what the words mean, and how it is not ok to speak in certain tones to parents or others.
Also, I need to make sure that I am not in a habit of speaking in an unkind manner, or bossy manner or
in a way that would stir up unsettling feelings in my child.  If I do, I need to be an example and apologize.

So, what we do is, first establish, that it is ok or normal to be upset if something is wrong.....and then we work on more respectful ways to address an issue.
Let's say for instance, last night, the girls were cleaning their room. 4 of them at the same time cleaning up caused some confusion on what belonged to who. :)
Instead of saying, "I think that might be mine.."  It was "that's MINE, give it to me!"  That is no way to solve a problem, even if it is yours. 
So we stopped and worked on a proper way to respond when somebody may have one of our things.
1. ALWAYS ASSUME THE BEST
2. ALWAYS BE RESPECTFUL
3. HOW WOULD YOU TALK TO YOUR VERY BEST FRIEND? IF it is any different than how you would talk to your sister, you are not treating your sister right. :)
(that is our litmus test actually) :)

If anger were directed at me because of something else, I'd head straight for the rocker..... get him calm, and then , together come up with ways he can tell you what is wrong without yelling at you.  Each and every time, take him to the rocker and let him know after he is breathing with you, it is not ok to yell at mommy...never, ever.... "I love you and I'm here for you...tell me what is going on in your quiet voice...."
"I will help you" etc.
Do not let one time pass, without instruction.  INSTRUCTION IN LIFE  IS DISCIPLINE..... Teaching life lessons so that one can learn the right path is DISCIPLINE........... We MUST discipline  our children.   If you have to drop everything several times.... then do it.  In the LONG run, it will pay off big time. Because new habits will be established and our children learn to discipline themselves!..... If you do miss opportunities to instruct in life, it won't be as effective, and can even cause confusion.  This includes when you are out somewhere....   This does not mean you do the exact same thing each time.... in HOW you teach or instruct... as those with RAD kids know, they will figure that out very quickly.... They will figure out quickly, that you are not at home and therefore cannot rock. :) Instead, the consistency should be in addressing the problem, but going about it differently according to location and circumstance.
Role play, breathing,  rocking, tools, discussion and even going to the car to breathe....... (different ways of discipling) are your tools that consistently move towards that goal of regulation.

Give him some tools to use. If you have not given him a tool box, give him one. (It is imaginary) Give yourself one too so he doesn't feel singled out. :)  Give his brother one too. LOL
And dad too!

"I need a tool box to help me, and I think you do too!"  "What does yours look like? Mine is red!"
I'm opening mine and I'm going to put in gentleness, would you like gentleness in yours?"  and make a game of it. Explain what EACH tool is and exactly how it is used and what it is for. And then, when it happens that he is out of control.... quickly say, Time to get to the tool box open! And take him to the rocker.  Get him to breathe with you and calm himself... and then, ask him what tool he can use to make things better. The kindness tool? The quiet voice tool?
DO NOT ALLOW him to say, "BUT HE DID .....etc."
I always tell my girls..... and my boys.... "I will deal with him, with HIM, or Her, with HER.... and YOU, with YOU..... you will not know what I say to your brother or sister, but you MUST know, I will do what is best EVERY time for each of you! You have to trust me.
You are safe."
Once you get this routine established, it will become easier to get your own tools out, and to help them get theirs out..... If you are both dysregulated, you can even break the ice by asking your son, "Uh Oh, I think mommy needs her tool box opened! "What tool should I get out?"  This DIFFUSES, and then, you can ask, "What tool do you need to get out!"  And all of the sudden, you have a calm child working with you.
This REALLY does work, and it worked on our most difficult situations. I only wish I had thought of it when our boys were little. :)  It would have been very handy with 2 of them. :)

I hope this clarifies. :)